whatikilledtoday

2009-02-18T16:53:00.001-08:00

Today I went on a "field trip" to a fish hatchery. I put field trip in quotes because when most people think of field trips they think happy thoughts, good times, great memories. That's not how it went today.

We were there to learn how to spawn steelhead which are then raised in the hatchery and released for sport fishing. The process goes like this: First the females are put into a tub with electrodes. Electricity is applied until they are unconscious. They are then lifted out of the water and an 18 gauge needle is stuck into their abdomen that is attached to a pressurized airline. The abdomen is filled with air which forces the eggs out. The eggs are caught in a bread loaf pan on a table. The unconscious fish is tossed back into the water. Next a male is removed from the water. He is clubbed, in theory, to death on the floor then the sperm is milked out of him. His body is thrown out the window into a pile on the ground.

I refused to participate. The instructor, disappointed and possibly angry, said "you're going to have to kill something sometime." I rolled my eyes. I stepped outside to avoid ridicule and realized that many of the male fish lying on the ground were still alive. I told one of the hatchery workers and he came out and half-heartedly clubbed one again. It was still moving. While it may have just been postmortem nerve reflexes, it still unsettled me so I spent the next hour cutting the heads off the fish as they were tossed out the window to ensure they were dead rather than have them suffocate to death. The knife they gave me was dull and it took all my strength to cut through.

So, honestly, I don't know if I killed anything today but it still felt as bad, if not worse, than any euthanasia I've ever performed.

2009-01-29T20:26:00.000-08:00

I've been working mostly with fish lately. I don't know if I should record their deaths. As I said about the herring, there is little ceremony or emotion involved. I don't hold their hands or look into their eyes. It just happens. However, for the sake of completeness I feel the need to mention the schools of pacific cod and halibut that were euthanized yesterday because they had been exposed to a non-native species during testing and couldn't be re-introduced to the local population. I don't know how many of them there were - I didn't count. Their bodies will be used for school children, so they can dissect them and learn about biology. I suppose it is some consolation that their deaths were not complete wastes. Perhaps a child will be inspired to learn about the oceans.

2008-12-05T18:28:00.000-08:00

a dungeness crab with shell rot disease. it had been moved from the visitor center back to the hospital where we were trying to care for it. my co-worker came in and found it lying on its back and when she flipped it over its leg fell off.

2008-10-22T21:18:00.001-07:00

A moribund herring, part of a school waiting in quarantine before being released into the public area of the science center. There is little ceremony in the euthanizing of a fish. It is a matter of fact procedure, part of the day, another tick mark on the to do list.

2008-10-15T08:55:00.001-07:00

a small ground squirrel. i tried to swerve out of the way but it ran right under my wheel. i looked in the rear view mirror and it lay motionless in the road.

2008-04-07T10:42:00.000-07:00

I am taking some time away from employment for a bit so this blog, thankfully, will not be updated for an uncertain amount of time.

2008-03-18T17:55:00.000-07:00

a chicken that had been mauled by a dog

a cat in end stage congestive heart failure

a ferret with a golf ball sized hard mass in its abdomen

2008-03-14T17:01:00.000-07:00

a flea ridden dachshund with a softball sized tumor that had grown so large it had broken through the skin and was necrosing.

an emciated geriatric ferret who was wasting away.

2008-03-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

a hamster with a severe rectal prolapse.

One thing I never post about is animals who aren't euthanized but just die on their own. A cat came in this week, brought in by a man whose wife had recently died. It was his wife's favorite cat and he was taking over its care. He had brought it in for a teeth cleaning and it died while under anesthesia. While not unheard of, it is a rare occurrence. It's not the first time I've seen an animal give up shortly after its owner died. In fact, I've seen it several times. The connection we have to animals and them to us is unspeakably powerful.

2008-03-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

a 21 year old cat with a tumor on its and face and an abdomen full of fluid. her body was one giant mat of fur.

2008-03-06T20:36:00.000-08:00

a dwarf hamster with a severe malocclusion in addition to a respiratory infection.

2008-03-04T17:05:00.001-08:00

a sweet old yellow lab with cancer whose body was shutting down. my co-worker was sobbing before we even started.

2008-03-03T19:34:00.000-08:00

a 950g rat that was all tumor

a chinchilla who had just suffered massive head trauma when his cage fell over on top of him as it was being cleaned.

a baby rat with an upper respiratory infection.

2008-02-18T15:36:00.001-08:00

a 16 year old shepherd mix whose body was just shutting down from every angle.

2008-02-14T21:01:00.000-08:00

a 9 year old jack russell terrier with undiagnosed ailments. the owner did not want to do any testing to figure out what was wrong.

2008-02-12T17:38:00.000-08:00

A 17 1/2 year old cat in the beginning/middle stages of kidney failure. The owner had been through similar situations with her cats in the past and decided to help this one along before he was miserable.

2008-02-04T17:21:00.000-08:00

a beautiful tiny chocolate rex rabbit - eight years old and in GI stasis. her fur was like velvet and i burried my face in it while she was still alive. we touched foreheads and leaned into one another.

several weeks ago i euthanized an animal and didn't make an entry. i was without net access for a few weeks and by the time i got it back i didn't know if it was appropriate. i have not forgotten and it's been gnawing at me ever since. it was the first animal (in private practice) that i had not eulogized here. so: a pet chicken that had been attacked by something. a cat? another chicken? the wound never healed and had grown very necrotic. the owner was self conscious about it and did not want to bring it in to the hospital for fear the smell would offend. i sat in the back of her station wagon in the parking lot and gave the injection.

2008-01-05T22:15:00.000-08:00

three rats - assembly line style. one had an enormous tumor, one just looked very sick, and one had a small tumor that would grow quickly into something unmanagable.

a 12 year old cat. i don't know why. no history was given, nothing apparently wrong. i questioned myself and the situation heavily.

2008-01-04T16:12:00.000-08:00

An aged dachshund with cancer

A very sweet cat who had been at a shelter, adopted by a kind man and then ended up with an upper respiratory infection which caused him to stop eating which in turn caused hepatic lipidosis. The man, having only known the cat for 24hrs went to extreme measures to try and save him. I syringe fed him every hour yesterday and today but in the end the decision was made to euthanize.

2007-12-28T15:55:00.000-08:00

a 13-year-old basset hound in kidney failure. she was so kind and licked my face as i carried her in from the car for the owner. he was a sweet old man with tears in his eyes. i fed her an entire bag of treats and she kept eating ferociously even after the injection. her chewing slowed down and then she was gone.

2007-12-22T11:40:00.000-08:00

a Pacman frog with a proplapsed anus.

An emaciated ferret who had been fighting an auto-immune disease.

2007-12-08T22:31:00.000-08:00

a 16 year old pomeranian. the family was present in the room. they were wearing very formal clothes, all black, as if they were attending a funeral. i tried not to make anything of it but, during their grieving, they stated that they were actually on their way to a funeral for a friend who had died - a 44 year old woman with a nine year old daughter. they were sobbing, i cried as well and felt no need to hide my tears. the dog wimpered with the injection and tried to fight it a bit. then he laid down and rested.

2007-12-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

An 8 year old Australian Shepherd with septic arthritis. I fed her a can of rich fatty cat food before she went. She went peacefully.

2007-11-24T17:08:00.001-08:00

a small brown songbird of some sort that had been attacked by a cat.

2007-11-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

a 12 year old golden retriever filled with tumors. extra hard because the family was present and sobbing.

a one year old ferret with congestive heart failure. especially odd and uncomfortable because again, the family was in the room but one of the children was mentally handicapped and kept barking like a dog.