Final Girl

23:45 - House by the Cemetery

2009-11-24T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

23:45 - Wrong Turn

2009-11-23T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

23:45 - Silent Hill

2009-11-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

23:45 - Inside

2009-11-21T00:01:00.000-08:00

awesome movie poster friday - the DON'T edition!

2009-11-20T09:32:00.001-08:00

Some of these "posters" are VHS covers, but they were just crying out to be included. I didn't want their heartbreak on my conscience, so there they are.

Looking at these, I realize I've only seen Don't Look Now and Don't Go in the Woods...Alone!; I've thought about picking up Don't Answer the Phone!, but...mehhh. No one's ever given it a ringing endorsement so I always pass it by.

See what I did there? "Ringing" endorsement? For the movie about a PHONE? Get it? Phone? Ring...ing...? Merrrrrr.

I will say that the odd Val Kilmer-Jeff Bridges love child sitting haughtily in drag has intrigued me enough so that I may seek out Don't Go in the House.

For what it's worth, I think my favorite poster here is for Don't Go in the Woods...Alone!- man, it's the mirrored aviator glasses that do it. What's even better is that she's actually in the film- along with hikers on roller skates, hikers in wheelchairs...ahh. I read my review and now I want to watch it again, even though I know it's terrible, terrible.

23:45 - Dog Soldiers

2009-11-20T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

one thousand

2009-11-19T10:56:00.000-08:00

Dear y'all,

So this is it, my big 1000th post. Though I really have nothing profound to say (shock), I couldn't let the moment pass by without acknowledging it somehow. I marked the occasion of my 500th post with a rather lengthy entry describing Final Girl's humble roots and highlighting a few of my favorite posts. Wow, I just noticed that my 500th hit on November 20, 2007- almost two years ago to the day. That's surely significant of something...? Probably not. Anyway, what's happened in the two years since my last major milestone?

Since post #500...

...I think we can all agree that one of the best things that's happened around here has been the introduction of Briefcase Woman, who came along one fine day in May, 2008 to demonstrate the joys that can be had when one votes. Since then, she's spread her enthusiasm all over this blog like...like...well, let's honor her origins and vote for an apt simile, shall we?

poll by twiigs.com

Hooray!

...the Final Girl Film Club keeps chugging along, powered by the awesomeness of The Internet. We've covered a whopping 18 films since post 500, and there's no sign of stopping yet. Next up: The Wicker Man on December 14. What movies would you like to nominate for FGFC coverage? Before you answer, take a quick peek at my reviews archive to make sure I haven't already reviewed it.

...I made a movie- a few, really. Ludlow will be ready for mass consumption soon, a thought that's as terrifying as it is metaphorical boner-inducing.

...I've written 85 columns for AMC (holy crapping crap) and I've started contributing to Rue Morgue magazine. Both make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

...this little site just keeps on keepin' on, mostly business as usual. Reviews, stupid pictures, blah blah blah. As you know, I love Final Girl more than Donkey Kong loves throwing barrels at plumbers. While I could write exclusively for myself and be somewhat satisfied (being an only child grants me a +15 to both mana regeneration and my ability to entertain myself) (sorry, I've been playing Dragon Age: Origins) (it's so fucking awesome)...well, it wouldn't be the same without you guys reading it. Again, I say hooray!

Okay, now tell me what's been your favorite post or feature or whatevs here on Final Girl so I feel pretty.

What? I'm allowed to fish for ego-stroking compliments every 500 posts, that's the rule I made up.

Here's to 10,000 more posts! HUZZAH!

23:45 - Ju-On

2009-11-19T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

it's wednesday!

2009-11-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

Another Wednesday, another column at AMC. Friendos, feast your face on The North American Field Guide to Slasher Psychos! It's only small, but remember- Mr. John James Audubon began with but one bird.

Indeed.

Also, if you've visited any other horror site besides mine this week, then surely you know that two new trailers have premiered for genre films starring one- not two, but one- Brittany Murphy.

First up is Deadline, wherein Murphy plays a writer who shacks up in a creepy manse to work on whatever it is she's working on. Creepy stuff starts happening, she finds some DV tapes, she pieces together the mystery of said manse, it all feels vaguely familiar, and the audience wonders what the fuck happened to Thora Birch's career and whether she sees pictures of Scarlett Johanssen and is all "Hey people, I was in Ghost World, too!". Deadline hits December 1, and you can watch the trailer at Shock Till You Drop.

Also, the poster?

I'm not sure what that emotion is. Fear? Ennui? Indigestion? Geez. And if it were me, I wouldn't risk bringing my camera in the tub for fear of dropping it in the water. I'd also be concerned about the giant floating Rosemary's Baby-ish face behind me.

The second trailer that went up this week is for Across the Hall, described as thus:

A quiet night takes a dangerous turn when Julian receives a frantic phone call from his best friend, Terry. Terry claims to have followed his unfaithful fiancée, June, to a seedy hotel on the other side of town. To make matters worse, he’s staked out the room across the hall from her, a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a revolver in the other. Julian pleads with his friend to stay put while he rushes to avert disaster.

Murphy is the unfaithful fiancee. Check out the intriguing, lethargic trailer at Apple.com...the site says "in theaters December 4", but that seems...unlikely. Home theaters, maybe?

Also, the poster?

Supermodel with headache- that's some ANTM shit! Still, my Brittany Murphy obsession means I'm compelled to see these (two movies in one week- that's practically an event!). Wouldn't it be nice if they were both fucking awesome?

23:45 - Sleepaway Camp

2009-11-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

slow on the uptake

2009-11-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

So, after all our reminiscing about Summer School, I decided to give it a whirl last night, and whirl we did! Whilst watching the exploits of Larry, the student-turned stripper-turned student, I thought to myself, "Hmm. Whatever happened to that Craig Sheffer? He was in this, and April Fool's Day, and Night Breed...surely he's still working."

Well, kids, the joke is on moi. Apparently there exists an actor named Ken Olandt and he's the one in Summer School and April Fool's Day. It's not Craig Sheffer at all! It never was! Everything I know is wrong! Am I losing my mind? This is totally, like, the opposite of that Spice Girls song "2 Become 1".

At any rate, yes, they've both been working steadily since not being the same person in the 80s.

In other news, man...I just don't fucking get Night Breed.

23:45 - The Ring

2009-11-17T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

The Curious Case of Harry Warden

2009-11-16T10:19:00.000-08:00

Over the course of the last day or two, I've spent far more time thinking about Harry Warden of My Bloody Valentine than I probably should have. This may ~~or may not~~ have something to do with my forthcoming AMC column; the fact remains that there's plenty to talk about regarding him outside the confines of said column. Another fact that remains is that there will be plot spoilers for the 1981 film ahead (no talk of the remake here, although I did enjoy it). By now, it should go without saying that, excepting the most current films in theaters, there are almost always spoilers here at your friendly neighborhood FG. Still, I don't want any of you "kids" getting "up" in my "grill" with a "Wait, who has a penis?" or some such. Not that that particular question applies in this case...probably.

Anyway, after all that build up and intro, the bulk of this post may be a disappointment. Maybe there's not plenty to talk about, or much to say...but here goes. Regarding Harry Warden, we know this: he was trapped underground for six weeks following a mine explosion. To survive, he nommed on the bodies of his fallen comrades. When found, Harry was stark raving nutcake and was sent off to a mental hospital to recuperate. A year later, he was out of the hospital. Did he escape, or was he released? Whatever the case, he was still decidedly nutcake- now one of the murderous variety. He killed the two supervisors responsible for the accident in the mine, then...disappeared, warning the town of Valentine Bluffs that should they celebrate the holiday at at any time in the future, he'd be back to make with the kill-kill.

20 years later, the town decides what's past is past and it's time to hold another Valentine's Day dance. When people start dying, it seems that Harry has held true to his promise...eventually, we learn that the killer is really Axel Palmer posing as Harry. When the sheriff calls the sanitarium where Harry had been committed, however, they cannot find any record of him ever staying there...the secretary points out that it could be a clerical error, and she'd have to dig into the microfiche to be sure.

SIDE NOTE: I miss microfiche, particularly in movies. The internet simply isn't as noisy...or as thrilling!

We never get an answer to the question "Where's Harry?" It's a fact that he killed the supervisors a year after he went to the hospital- one of the men was Axel's father, after all, and it was witnessing his dad's murder that made him a murderous nutcake. But...what happened to Harry after that? Legend said he returned to Valentine Bluffs every year to make sure they held no holiday dances; did he live a normal life somewhere else for the other 364 days in the year? Where was he the night the town resumed the festivities? Was he dead? Or, once he had his vengeance on the mine supervisors, did Harry give a big ol' F.U. to the town and split for good, never to think on it again? Wherefore art thou Harry?

That's all. Just wonderin'.

23:45 - A Nightmare on Elm Street

2009-11-16T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

23:45 - Strait Jacket

2009-11-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

23:45 - Nosferatu (1922)

2009-11-14T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

awesome movie poster friday - the FRIDAY THE 13th edition, PART TWO!

2009-11-13T11:51:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday the 13th, everyone! Hooray. As I'd already done a Friday-flavored Awesome Movie Poster Friday, I wasn't hopeful that there'd be much more material out there for me to mine. Ha HA, I laugh in my own face. There's plenty of Voorhees weirdness all the world 'round! And I do mean weird...some of this stuff...I just don't get it.

While I truly despised the recent remake, I will say the posters associated with it are truly ~~outrageous~~ awesome.

23:45 - The Exorcist

2009-11-13T00:01:00.000-08:00

(review)

today in NOT HORROR.

2009-11-12T15:36:00.000-08:00

This is why kids who grew up in the 70s still think the 70s are the best.

That's the Pointer Sisters, in case you didn't know. Oh, and Happy Birthday, Sesame Street.

so i made a movie: LIP STICK, part one

2009-11-12T11:23:00.000-08:00

No, Shannon Lark and I aren't done making stuff yet. Yes, I'm still working on Ludlow. Being a one-woman band can be taxing, but it's neat to wear cymbals between one's knees.

Sorry, I need more coffee.
------------------------------

SHANNON LARK: With all the ballyhoo over Ludlow, Voyeur, and the 100 million other things that Stacie Ponder and I collectively have going on (ahh, the life of an artist), I suddenly realized while eating chocolate chip ice cream last night that we haven't even begun the wonderful journey of reporting on our first co-directorial feat: Lip Stick....

This wonderful little film came about when Stacie was developing the script for Ludlow. Never having worked together before, we felt (at least I did) that throwing out ideas into the open will help the creative errr...juices get flowing.

STACIE PONDER: That's right- that's how SHE felt. Here she was, this girl I barely knew- some actor for crying out loud- flapping her gums and throwing around all these "ideas".

Okay, fine...so I invited her ideas and I threw mine her way before I'd written anything. It was a strange way for me to put together a script, this "collaboration", but I loved having someone to really bounce ideas off of, even if mine often made no sense. And look! We got a whole 'nother script out of it.

SHANNON LARK: I had this idea that maybe the main character should be a chronic masturbator. I emailed Stacie in a flurry, all flushed in the face with excitement. From there I launched into an entire story about a woman who can't stop masturbating, with a serious case of vagina dentata on the brain.

I know, I know. This sounds like a porn. Actually, it sounds like a great porn, but the script actually is really, really fucked up- ie: my kinda horror movie.

Stacie humored me for a while, but I soon realized that this is a story I should take and run with, and might not be suitable for Ludlow.

STACIE PONDER: I am not one to question the whimsies of Shannon Lark (if chronic masturbation can truly be called a "whimsy")- it just...yeah, it wasn't the right...err, track to explore with the way Ludlow was coming together. If your main character is a CHRONIC masturbator, then that really needs to be addressed in the script, in my opinion. It's not quite like making your character chew gum all the time, which may only prompt a "Oh, I guess she really enjoys gum!" from the audience; if the lead is masturbating almost all the time, you should probably mention why she's constantly gettin' her diddle on,you know?

That said, I could see that Shannon was enthusiastic about this character tic, so I suggested she take it and run with it (boy, did she)...but that if she really wanted her character to masturbate in Ludlow, I'd work it in somehow.

Yes, this is the way we operate.

SHANNON LARK: So I wrote it up as a script, investigating how the story of vagina dentata is just about as old as jesus. It's been told throughout every culture, in some form or another, to keep boys away from strange women who might trap them with their feminine devices. It's classic. It's timeless. It's VAGINA DENTATA!!

STACIE PONDER: It's fun for the whole family!

Sorry, that's...really wrong.

SHANNON LARK: After a failed shoot in Oklahoma City due to finances, in early July I still had no idea how the hell I was going to get this film shot. I considered using the film crew around where I live, but then I realized how much masturbating I was going to be doing, and I decided against it. The neighborhood kid down the street doesn't need to be on a set like that, you know?

STACIE PONDER: Or does he?

SHANNON LARK: Ludlow came and went, and Stacie and I were forever changed and bound in sinners blood (and tuna juice).

STACIE PONDER: Okay, stop. Just to clear the air, she really means tuna juice. Like, juice from a tuna. A tuna fish. Juice. She spilled tuna juice all over one of the beds in our little room at the Ludlow Motel, and it stank up the place. Then later I spilled peperoncini juice all over the crotch of my pants, and that stank up the place even more. Sometimes having a cast of, at most, three and a crew of one is a good thing.

SHANNON LARK: We shot Voyeur in San Francisco, and throughout all the ridiculous amount of technical difficulties and rampantly loose car brakes, we came out OKAY. It dawned on me right before I went on a trip to LA that Stacie and I could do this movie together. We practically made a feature in 2 days, so what could possibly stop us from making Lip Stick with absolutely no money? I milled it over with Stacie and we agreed to co-direct the film.

STACIE PONDER: It's never stopped me before, that's for sure. I've never had a budget over a whopping low-4 figures, and before Ludlow, I kept things within the $50 range. SHOCKING, I know.

I've never "co-directed" anything before, but Shannon and I had already established a very collaborative working style, so I figured it would be more of the same- I'd just end up with a fancy credit. But of course I was flattered she wanted to make this movie with me, so I was all, "Yes, please."

SHANNON LARK: Then I did an interview with the Last Blog on the Left, where I acted like a complete nutcase. I was so excited that I was shaking and sweating by the end of the interview. I reached for more coffee and hauled ass on getting the props together. I wanted to bring as much as I could to the table.

After being on the road for about 3 weeks I flew to Burbank and Stacie picked me up at the airport. We were so excited for what was in store: shooting the remainder of Ludlow, Lip Stick, and then off to Death Valley to roast our hair off. I won't go into detail about Ludlow, or Death Valley, because I'm sure we will cover in that in the "So I Made a Movie: Ludlow" series, but know this: IT WAS AWESOME.

STACIE PONDER: Yeah, hmm. I should update people on the happenings Ludlow at some point, I suppose. Until then, yes, I wholeheartedly agree: we ended up having an incredible week of making movies and roasting in the sun and freezing under the moon. I LOVE DEATH VALLEY.

SHANNON LARK: Stacie had recommended we shoot at the Amargosa Opera House, which has a motel connected to it, right outside of Death Valley. Marta Becket owns the Opera House and paints all over the walls: the headboards, bathrooms, ceiling borders, everything! I researched the website and decided on the perfect room. When we arrived to the motel it was f-ing hot, but nothing like what we were going to experience in Death Valley. Stacie had mentioned it was out in the middle of nowhere, but I didn't think there would actually be NOTHING out there. Luckily, the motel had a restaurant attached with a really, really nice waitress who gave us grapes they grew out there. How the hell they were able to grow grapes out there is beyond me. It must have been in a special greenhouse...or something.

STACIE PONDER: Some time ago a friend tipped me off about the Amargosa, how it was this amazing, kind of magical place out by Death Valley, and I'd originally intended to go there to shoot Ludlow. Once that script was finished, though, it was patently obvious that it wouldn't suit my needs- it's a weird place, but not creepy enough...certainly not fleabag-y enough. Though it's in the middle of nowhere (like Shannon said, there's NOTHING around), the building itself doesn't feel isolated, if that makes sense. On top of all that, it's a good 4+ hours away from Los Angeles, and I certainly couldn't ask the other actors to drive out there to shoot for a couple of hours. The Amargosa never left my mind, though, so when Shannon and I started talking about Lip Stick, I threw it out there. I'm just glad she found it as intriguing as I did.

SHANNON LARK: After eating and unpacking the car into the incredibly small room we were shooting in, we immediately set up and got down to business. Our neighbors were definitely in for a treat.:)

23:45 - Dawn of the Dead (1978)

2009-11-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

double your terror

2009-11-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

Yo! ~~MTV Raps~~ So check it, y'all...this week at AMC I'm all about doubling your pleasure, your fun, and your frights with a wee column about twins in horror movies. Yes, I talk about The Shining, but I posit that the Grady Girls are the most famous horror movie twins who are not, in fact, twins. I am a rabble-rouser, caring not a whit for my own well-being in the face of the slings, arrows, and "UR so dum of course they R twinz LOL a-hole" from The Internet. Read my piece and say what you will!

In other news, my fucking ONE THOUSANDTH post is coming up super fast. What should I do to celebrate? Should I simply wear something fancy while I post a picture of someone from some obscure 80s sitcom, something that has nothing to do with horror? Nah, I do that all the time...hmm. I don't know. I'd like to do something interactive-y, but I don't even know what that means and it sounds way too cyber for my meager blogging skills.

23:45 - The Omen (1976)

2009-11-11T00:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Brittany Murphy!

2009-11-10T11:01:00.000-08:00

Y'all, I have an unabiding, irrational, and unconditional love for Brittany Murphy...the kind of love you have for an actor that makes you sit through movies you wouldn't normally watch with 10-foot eyeballs (yes, I've seen Uptown Girls), the kind that causes you to deny all the rumors outright (even when you hear them from a really good source), the kind that makes you sad when the actor's career ends up...not where it should be.

She gets such a bad rap in the court of public opinion for...well, I don't know why, really. There are other celebrities out there raping, murdering, drunk driving, having affairs- yet Murphy is almost universally maligned for making some bad movies and assumptions about her private life. Really, though, that's all neither nor there, and as I said I deny all rumors anyway. The point is, I think she's a rather extraordinary actress who's vastly underappreciated. Once the elder generation of lauded actresses retires- the Dench-caliber ladies- who the fuck from the younger generation is going to take up the crown? It's a short list, in my opinion, and I hope Murphy can pull her career out of the basement to join it.

Yeah, she underwent some sort of transformation that seems, to be, "Hollywood" mandated and yeah, she'd made some caca mainstream movies that flopped. But then there's Clueless (fucking classic), and there's Girl, Interrupted- the film for which Angelina Jolie got all the glory. Jolie's performance is pretty damn good but it feels a bit showy to me, all surface- contrast it with Murphy's turn (or Angela Bettis's, for that matter), where there's a few more layers added to your standard "crazy" character. Watch Spun, watch some King of the Hill, watch Sin City and Common Ground and Freeway and for fuck's sake watch The Dead Girl, a fantastic movie which she (along with Toni Collette, Kerry Washington, Mary Beth Hurt, and Marcia Gay Harden) tears up, and see what you think. She's got range, and she's one of those few actors who has the ability to make you forget their real name while they're on screen...at least for me, but again, this is maybe an irrational thing.

She's dabbled in horror a bit, most notably in the darkly comedic slasher flick Cherry Falls, which I really need to get around to reviewing. There, now I've tied this odd diatribe about one of my favorite actresses into my usual content here at Final Girl. Hooray!

23:45 - The Thing

2009-11-10T00:01:00.000-08:00