Red-headed rants and rambles

I can't believe he's TWELVE.

2009-05-28T13:48:00.002-04:00

Of course, I also can't believe what a slacker I've been about blogging lately. I'm sure I'll have lots more to say when the school year and spring sports season finally wrap up around here.

In the meantime, happy, happy birthday to my second born.

When we discovered we were expecting him, his big sister was barely 10 months old. We were a bit shocked, but had such a sense of peace and delight about a best friend to join our firstborn.

Thanks to modern science, we were given THREE due dates for the little guy. Typical of his personality, he showed up at the last minute...on the evening of his last due date. I couldn't have asked for a better labor and delivery, and still remember our surprise and delight when my husband announced that we had a son.

He was a laid back, go with the flow, baby; a mellow, sunshiny toddler, and an inquisitive but quiet child. As a 'tween (with his sister off at high school) he's beginning to stretch his wings and figure out who he is--not always the most pleasant process for his parents, but still important.

He loves soccer, his guitar, books, video games, and, hopefully us. He often shocks me with his spontaneous and unexpected sweetness--kissing me in front of his friends, announcing that he didn't want to go out for dinner on his birthday because Mom's cooking was better than any restaurant. He recently began playing with my Canon Rebel and is showing an eye that makes his shutterbug aunties (Alicia and Sally) proud.

I'm awfully proud of him, too.

Happy Birthday, EJ. I love you.

Wordless Wednesday: Elementary School Talent Show

2009-05-13T07:58:00.001-04:00

Things that make you go hmm....

2009-05-12T13:54:00.002-04:00

I have to say that I really liked this.

This year I asked the fam to skip the cards, etc. All I wanted was a clean garage. And really, I meant it.

I was doubly surprised when my tupperware cabinet (a disaster prone area) was also cleaned out and the kids and dh assembled the goods for my favorite breakfast (NOT served in bed, thank you very much--besides, I got up REALLY early for an 8am soccer match).

My mom and her dh came over later for home cooked Mexican and by my mom's request, my famous carrot cake.

My mother's day was truly blessed. It's nice to know that our choices bucked the norm....and I LOVE the fact that my garage is all clean.

Hope your day was wonderful, too.

From my Mothers' Day Card

2009-05-07T17:42:00.002-04:00

Dictated by my four year old to his preschool teacher. His fill in the blank responses are in bold. My comments are in italics.

MY MOM

My mom's name is Heather. What, not "Mom, I'm hungry?"

She is about 18 years old. Oh, charming child.

She has red hair and pink eyes. Hmmm....

My favorite food my mom makes me is macaroni. From the box, natch.

The nicest thing my mom does for me is helps me tie my shoes. He doesn't have a pair of tied shoes right now?! Of course, he told me later that I'm also nice when I let him play on the computer.

She is prettiest when she goes out to eat (looking like a princess).

I know my mom loves me because she hugs and kisses me.

I love her too!

Battle of the Books

2009-04-30T07:53:00.002-04:00

Quite possibly one of the most fun academic competitions I've ever had the honor to witness, the Battle of the Books requires each team to read (and recall in detail) each book from the Sunshine State Readers List and be able to answer (often ridiculously picky) questions about them.

This was our school's second year in the competition, and our kids DOUBLED both their scores and their rankings from last year, and beat out the second and third place finishers in head to head matches.

Playoffs or not, I'm officially an Orlando Magic fan, as they donated funds and merchandise that rocked the house. Ditto for Follett and Rainbow Books. The entry fee for the match was minimal and the kids got lunch, tshirts, generous goody bags, and books for their school library. The winning teams got all that plus trophies, more books, and bookstore gift cards. Needless to say, our team is pumped and excited about how to improve next year's results (even taking notes at lunch about what they needed to study).

Only two more weeks and next year's list will be released....

Kinda Wordless Wednesday

2009-04-15T20:30:00.001-04:00

Spoiler alert: My Moffitt checkup was a-okay. All clear for another four months. Whew. Still processing and will write more later.

When I was visiting Meredith, she dropped the gentle hint that my most middle of children might not be getting equal blog time :-). So, today is ALL about the princess :-).

She entered her school's "Read like a Rock Star" contest today for a chance to win extra books from the book fair. Any guesses as to which "star" she chose to be?

I took her to gymnastics today, where we found out for the first time in TWO YEARS that her Spring Festival would not conflict with an older sibling's soccer schedule. Her first comment, "Mom, you have to make J and R come and watch me this time." Nope, no middle-child syndrome/long-suffering soccer sibling here.

After gymnastics, we did a quick change, grabbed her favorite drive thru meal and headed out to the third grade Art Gala. Without siblings. AND her Daddy showed up for the whole thing. (No small feat when he works 75 miles from the school!) Needless to say, her artwork was gorgeous.

Afterwards was ice cream while Mom and Dad grabbed dinner. Middle child heaven, or what?

More Photo Friday--Miss K's Big Day

2009-03-28T08:34:00.004-04:00

(Does anyone besides me think this is SOOOO classic?)

She got me!

2009-03-28T08:24:00.003-04:00

The family ALL had the day off yesterday (!!), so we drove out to the nature coast for Miss K's 2nd birthday party. When I saw Meredith gathering people for cake, this is what I expected, not this:

Miss K and I share a birthday--in fact, she was the best thing about my 35th birthday!

What you can't see here is me restraining my Little Guy from licking my cupcakes....but you can see what a great friend I have in Meredith!

Hmmm...WHO would do something like this to his mother's birthday cake??

The culprit with his mad anagram skilz--he knew it wasn't gramatically correct, but was pleased enough with himself to ask his sister to take a photo :-).

LIVESTRONG Challenge Cancer Video

2009-03-24T09:57:00.001-04:00

What would YOU say to Cancer?

2009-03-24T09:40:00.006-04:00

Cancer, you're one sneaky person. You have no respect for race, age, person, wealth, religious affiliation, or personal habits. You didn't care that I didn't smoke, ate well, exercised, or had a household to care for.

You stole years off of my life, destroyed my veins as well as portions of my memory and cognition. You terrorized my parents, my husband, my children, family and friends. You made my 35th birthday one of the worst (and best) days of my life. Because of you, I may never live a day free of pain. You're relentless and cruel.

I, however, have news for you.

You loose.

See, you could come back tomorrow and it wouldn't matter, because I know that, no matter what, a better world awaits me, complete with a whole, perfect, pain and cancer-free body.

You loose, because, for now, every gain I make is a triumph. Each time I lift more weight, run or bike farther; each time I cook a meal for my family, clean a room, or do a load of laundry, you loose.

You loose because I don't take life for granted. I know that every birthday--mine or anothers', every hug from my children, every kiss from my husband or cup of coffee with a friend is a gift.

You loose, because I know in Whose hands my life is held, and it isn't yours.

What would you say to Cancer?

2009-03-20T07:12:00.005-04:00

Just for the record, the only thing that I like about yard work is the fact that, unlike 99% of the things I do around the house, someone can't come along moments later and undo the fruits of my labor (think dirty laundry, eaten meals, mucked up bathrooms...).

When I set out to do the lawn (trimming, edging, mowing, tackling the hedges, sweeping--I'm nothing if not through) my intentions were (mostly) to quiet the nagging feeling that I'd soon be getting a nasty gram from my HOA, then to assure my husband some free time to finish his consulting job this weekend in between soccer matches, and finally because it was one of those perfect Florida days when it's a downright sin to stay inside, and after all, I didn't really have time to make it to the beach before I had to get the kids from school.

I was doing well until I got to the Beast.

The Beast is the hedge that our property "shares" with our next door neighbors. I say "shares" because it's mostly (all) ON their side. It's a HUGE box hedge and gets overgrown fairly quickly. Our neighbors are older (retired), and he's pretty frail and she's rather frugal, so they don't pay their lawn service the extra few hundred dollars it would take to maintain it. Historically, we've gone ahead and trimmed (hacked?) it down because it was the nice thing to do.

This day was no exception. I had a decent attitude until about 15 minutes in to the 2 hour job. Then my inner three year old kicked in.

I began to lecture the inner child, much like I would one of my own offspring.

This is the right thing to do. It's honoring of our elders. It's loving our neighbor. It's serving the Lord.

I pressed through the trimming and began the job of raking and gathering the huge piles of leaves.

Then I heard their garage door open. It was Bob, my frail, early dementia, mid stage Parkinson's neighbor. He was standing and watching me with tears glinting in his eyes.

"You", he stammered, "you're sick!" (He remembers when I moved here very clearly). "You shouldn't have to do this...you're doing my work!".

"It's okay, Bob, I don't mind. Besides, I'm not sick anymore, see?" I pulled off my baseball cap and ruffled my hair to offer proof of my wellness.

"I don't know why I don't do things like this anymore....Lazy, I guess."

Needless to say, I was humbled to the core.

"Bob, you're not lazy. I see you out and about all the time...where are you going now?"

His eyes lit up. "For subs....I'm going to buy you lunch!".

As I was finishing up, he returned.

"Is it right? I probably screwed it up. I screw up things all the time."

"No Bob, it's perfect."

And it was--not for my lunch, as I'm not a fan of mayo, olives, or white bread (but my boys loved it as an afternoon snack)--but as gentle reminder that even when I don't feel "properly appreciated", that God won't be outloved or outgiven.

Because it's about time I updated...

2009-03-16T07:07:00.002-04:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

--It was not me who avoided writing last week not because of visiting family and a typically crazy schedule, but because it would have been my stepfather's birthday on Wednesday, and I found myself grieving all over again, and missing him anew. It also not me who wrote a hundred posts in my head on the nature of grief, but never summoned up the courage to hit the keyboard with them. Maybe someday...

--It was not me who also didn't write because I was internally pouting about missing my best friend's 40th birthday. It was also not me who immaturely got bent out of shape because I wasn't informed about her surprise party. It's not like I live a few thousand miles away and could just pop out there for it. To be sad and feel a little disenfranchised would be petty and immature, and that's so not me.

--It wasn't me who was more upset to see myself (in an email to a local TV station) being described by my publicist as "40ish" (I'll be 37 next week, thank you very much, and you see what having four kids and six round of chemo does to your aging process...) than I was that he described my book as "just okay" (Whatever. I had no editorial control over my book and know I could have rewritten extensively. It wasn't my editors vision and I let go of that when I signed the rights to the blog over to them). It also wasn't me who, much to my four year old's chagrin and my husband's delight, impulsively had my hairdresser return my hair to it's mid-twenties, pre-children and cancer shade of screaming Irish red.

--It wasn't me who wasn't too disappointed that both of her children's teams took fourth place in the Region Cup Final Four. I would never step back and see the character lessons more effectively taught by the occasional loss (nor would I be working on blog posts about them!). I also wouldn't secretly be relieved that this means one less weekend of travel this month. I also wouldn't secretly feel like my son's team didn't place third instead of fourth because his coach pulled him out after a perfectly executed and unscored on half to replace him with the other keeper. That would be truly biased of me.

--It wasn't me who felt crazy loved this weekend between the TWO sets of friends who drove out of their way to come watch the kids play (Thanks to Meridith and Miss K, and to Rich and Ruth--we love you!) , my mom and sisters who entertained the littles so that my dh and I could actually watch the games, and our dear family friend Dawna who put us up in her personal "Motel 6" (her terms--I'd call it the Hilton!) and spoiled us rotten with her hospitality. It also wasn't me who was totally charmed by almost 2 year old Miss K and ready to pack her up and take her home.

--I would never be so confrontational, so it certainly wasn't me who pulled aside the fellow club (not team!) mother of one of my daughter's acquaintances who shot her child's ref a double one fingered salute during a bad call and explained in detail all of the consequences of referee abuse and what the ramifications would be for her daughter's team (and the reputation of our club) had she been seen by the official. It also wasn't me who was astounded (and pleased) when she thanked me for telling her, then went to her coach and explained what she had done, what I had said, and apologized to him. I would never have so little faith in another human's teachableness (or lack thereof).

--It wasn't me who shouted at her kids to "Put away your stupid books and electronics, already and PAY ATTENTION!" as the Space Shuttle Discovery took off against the backdrop of a perfect Florida sunset while we drove home along I4 Sunday night. I also wasn't more than a bit smug and delighted when the slightly jaded TQ even leaned forward from the back seat to crane her neck and ooh and ahh with the rest of us. It also wasn't me who didn't have the sense to ask her husband to pull over so he could watch with full attention and maybe I could take a photo or two. Oh well...

--In that vein, it certainly wasn't me who rolled my eyes when my husband pointed out the opportunity to take our TQ (for free) to multiple women's collegiate matches next month (including her beloved Gators) because he had the audacity to talk soccer after two hot, sticky, and emotionally exhausting days. I'm always up for more, more, more, you know.

Would you, could you be inspired?

2009-03-02T18:05:00.002-05:00

Why, yes I could. Glad you inquired!

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Dinner: Green Eggs and Ham (well, Canadian bacon and mushrooms), cheese toast fingers, and sliced tomatoes...and blue milk (by Eeyore Jr).

Inspirations:Green Eggs and Ham (duh!), the darling hat that Princess made in school today, Carla from Top Chef (the Breakfast challenge), and a really cool mom at my church, Connie Fitzmartin! You can check out her new website at http://www.themagicalmom.com/index.html.

There's a lesson in here somewhere

2009-03-01T16:17:00.000-05:00

This is the TQ's new soccer team (plus some friends and siblings who play for the same club).

Yes, it's technically a boys team (but our goalie and sweeper are girls).

Yes, it's mostly made up of working-class Hispanic kids who come from primarily Spanish-speaking homes. We do have one Filipino (first generation American) and our two "token" Caucasian Blondes.

A LOT of assumptions were made about our team when we entered the Region Cup this year.

We had never played an "A" level game.

We belong to a small, mostly recreational club. Our coaches aren't paid. We don't travel much because money is so tight for most of the families.

They call themselves "United"--and they mean it. TQ has never had the blessing of playing with a team like this. No prima donnas, no stars, no white, brown, male or female. Just kids who love soccer--and take care of each other. (I got a little choked up when, during warm up, another player knelt down to adjust the laces on TQ's shoes for her--something nearly impossible to do in keeper gloves, and later when she was lent layers to keep warm in the biting winds of the last game of the weekend).

Their coach never yells. Never. The parents are kind and positive.

They swept the semifinals this weekend, beating clubs that have serious money and sponsorship behind them. I can't repeat some of the comments made by parents from those clubs as this is a family blog, but trust me, they were NOT kind.

We couldn't be more proud to cheer them on in the Final Four.

Did we mention that Eeyore's team made finals, too? His dad, however, forgot the camera :-).

Lacrosse

2009-02-27T13:30:00.002-05:00

When the TQ came home from summer school petitioning to try out lacrosse, we weren't too keen on the idea. After all, our only experience with the game was watching the professional men's team practice in Phoenix. Pretty brutal. Fortunately, women's lacrosse is considered "non-contact" (unlike soccer), and they actually wear more safety equipment as well (goggles and mouth guards). Still, I wouldn't want to cross her, would you?

It's the first victory of the season for the JV Lady Bears. Way to go, girls!

Of course, somethings don't change from sport to sport. Like disinterested siblings who are too young NOT to get dragged along. This week's distraction? Play dough in the top tier of the stadium.

Lucky little ducks that they are, the Princess will be hangin' with her Grandma this weekend and the Little Guy has Saturday planned with his Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins. Otherwise, they'd be playing divide and conquer with Mom and Dad as we once again travel to two different cities (in two different counties) for the second round of Region Cup. They'll avoid the sexy soccer mom/dad tans that we'll inevitably come home with as well.

Four Years

2009-02-24T06:37:00.000-05:00

Four years ago today, I couldn't sleep. I sat in my rocking chair listening to a rare Phoenix thunderstorm and contemplating the last hours that I would ever hold a babe inside of me. It had been a long road of attempting to get and stay pregnant. At 3:30 am, we headed to the hospital for labor augmentation. In the last moments of pushing, I remember putting my hands on my huge belly. "Are you saying goodbye?" my mother half laughed, half whispered.

"I think maybe I'm saying hello," I replied. And then he was here.

Three years ago, I was exhausted from round after round of speech, physical, oral motor, and occupational therapy visits and trips to doctors. I was lost and confused as a mommy and had started to blog to work through things in my head. I loved him but his infancy was one of the hardest things I had ever survived (so I thought at the time). Being a fourth time mother to this little person taught me more about living (and parenting) in grace and compassion than any book or conference could.

Two years ago today, I had two rounds of chemotherapy left to complete. I wasn't sure that this wasn't the last birthday I'd see him have. Taking care of an active toddler (note the fractured leg) while in such a physically depleted state would have been impossible alone. Two years ago,

he and his brother and sisters gave me a reason to get up every day. They forced me to learn to ask for help. As our family gathered around that day, I remember feeling so grateful that even if I wasn't around for his next birthday, there would be so many people to love him. I became a more thankful mommy that year.

One year ago today, I thought the hard times were behind us. I was wrong. Job loss and house flooding ensued, but this little one never missed a beat. Of all of us, he was ever ebullient, ever trusting , ever ready to hop up in my my lap and "snuddle". In his third year, he helped me learn to rejoice always. I'm a more joyful mommy because of him.

Today, he's a "live out loud" kid who's never met someone who is not his "friend". We'll take treats to his beloved preschool class and meet friends for his McParty. If I'm lucky, we'll lay down for nap together (he taught me how to do that as well!) We'll make his favorite mac'n'cheese for dinner, and my some miracle of logistics, will all be able to sit down and celebrate him for a little while this evening. Today, because of him, I'm a woman whose heart is full to overflowing and who has tears streaming down her face as she types.

Happy Birthday, Little Guy.

Sons are a heritage from the LORD,

children a reward from him.

Like arrows in the hands of a warrior

are sons born in one's youth.
Blessed is the man

whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame

when they contend with their enemies

in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

(Inked in my Bible next to these verses is a note that this scripture was quoted in a note from our friend Bob on hearing the news that Little Guy had arrived).

Things to Smile about today

2009-02-23T16:09:00.003-05:00

--I screwed up last Friday. Big time (as in forgetting to call in to a radio station for an interview). I took a deep breath, realized that when one spins so many plates, occasionally one drops, and wrote a (very) humble note of apology. I opened my email to find that it was received with tremendous grace, and that I get to reschedule the interview. This time I may skip entering it on my calendar and skip right to having it tattooed on my arm.

--I wrote a note to Stephan Pastis, creator of Pearls Before Swine, and author of the comic below, thanking him for the soccer mom humor that caused much coffee-spewing on Sunday morning. He wrote me back! What a nice guy.

--My "village" rocks. A few texts and a phone call and a last minute scheduling glitch cleared right up. The TQ's IB counselors may even get to see that she has two parents capable of sharing the same space....

--One of the Little Guy's Friend's mom took the time to call and ask if it was still okay to RSVP for the McParty, despite the late date. Manners are not dead. Woot!

--A very sweet clerk at the store bakery was charmed by the almost-birthday boy, and custom mixed a pack of mini-cupcakes for him, throwing in some uber-cool (to a preschooler, at least) picks for them (not usually included). Preschool treats for birthday? Checked off the list with NO late night baking by Mama.

--My kids are not afraid to work. As a family we were able to bless Grandma and Grandpa by clearing 16 contractor-sized bags of leaves from their yard yesterday before the family birthday celebration.

--The Laurie Berkner Band gave an incredible performance at Ruth Eckerd Hall yesterday afternoon that has literally left my younger children and their cousins begging for more. ("Can we go to Laurie Berkner again today?"). Kudos to my sister for finding the concert and booking the tickets. We'll be "Buzz buzz buzz"-ing about this one for weeks. (It's a LBB fan thing...).

--I have one more day of my "baby" being three. I'm stocking up on three year old snuggles, hugs, and kisses.

My Sister-In-Law's Recent Post...

2009-02-23T08:02:00.000-05:00

was what came to mind when I almost spit out my Sunday morning coffee while reading this. It didn't help that my son's current team and my daughter's former team share the "Strikers" moniker. There's always more than a little truth in most humor!

2009-02-16T11:18:00.002-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Just for the record, this week it wasn't me who:

--Got so disgusted with the dad at the Father-Daughter Dance who spend over 20 minutes on his Crackberry while his daughter wandered around that I started shooting photos of him in the hopes of guilting him into putting the stupid thing away already. Such behavior would have been totally beneath me.

--Was in total agreement with my husband when he was rather firm in insisting that our three year old finish his breakfast Saturday morning. After all it was his favorite. I also totally did not share in the parental guilt when said child hurled his breakfast all over my van 15 minutes later.

-- Ran out to the eye doctor with the TQ and left my knight to clean up the mess.

--Wished, more than once as the child threw up three more times in the next few hours (twice more in a vehicle) that I was on the beach in Mexico.

--Has a child who, despite the fact that she knew that company was staying in her room, didn't make her bed, and while she can put both soccer and lacrosse balls into goals from 18 yards, didn't see fit to actually get the trash into her receptacle, preferring her floor. My children are much better trained than that.

--Breathed a huge sigh of relief when her son's team missed the semi-finals at Disney by a very small margin. I'm always supportive of his coach and would never, never say that the boys have been overworked and over scheduled lately, or say out loud that our exhausted and illness-depleted squad should have passed on this one.

--Allowed her almost 4 year old to order mac and cheese for breakfast in the hopes that he would eat.

--Traded dinner out with her family for a blissful 90 minutes to myself last night. I would never put myself before my family :-).

Finally, it's not me who plans on thoroughly enjoying every minute of her family's holiday doing a whole lot of nothing (except perhaps trying this recipe). Hope your day's just as nice.

My Boys are Growing Up!

2009-02-10T14:40:00.001-05:00

Before: Breakfast time. Pre-morning at the orthodontist and putting in his new "soccer eyes".

Egad! Aliens abducted my EJ and left a true tween in his place!

This, just some gratuitous cuteness. But with my baby turning FOUR in two weeks, I'm entitled. Mommy wussed out and had Grandpa register him for three day preschool next year. I'm not sure I could handle him away five mornings a week...at least that's my story until his next monkey stunt.

It's that time again

2009-02-09T12:27:00.007-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It was not me who gave into the incessant chatter of her three year old a let her child pick a treat off the shelf to take home while on the phone with Laurie to witness it (and laugh her butt off). Neither one of us seasoned moms would ever fall for that ploy from our cute babies.

It was also certainly not me who compromised on my lifelong hatred of the golden arches and booked my soon to be four year old's birthday there, simply because I a) wanted to have the party on a preschool day to make it easier for his classmates to come, b)didn't want to deal with set/clean up and/or pay $150 to rent the rec room at the park, and c)it was a HUGE deal at $6/per guest. Nope I'd never stoop to feeding my son and his friends utter crap just to make my life a littler easier.

It was not me who was the crazy soccer mom who has now purchased contact lenses for not one, but TWO of her offspring, not for reasons of vanity, but because Rec Specs fog up too badly on the pitch. It also wasn't me who drove to three different sports shops trying to replace the beloved keeper pants that my daughter finally wore the knees out on before Saturday's games. And it really wasn't me (it was my husband!) who ended up purchasing them 75 miles away from our house. (To our credit, it's the town he works in). It's also me who allowed her rather comely 13 year old daughter to take a spot on a U14 BOYS team this season and who is utterly delighted at how respectfully the boys treat the two girls on the team (and how happy the girls are with the more intense level of play).

It was not me (or my husband) who spent the weekend in two different counties for round one of Region Cup, and we certainly didn't require the rescue of a third adult home on leave from the Navy (thanks Amanda!) to take our most middle of children off to a birthday party so that she wouldn't later require "non soccer child" therapy.

It would never be me who accused her 7th grader of both" linguicide"and not having English as his native tongue as I helped edit his oration lat night.

It wasn't me who's decided that having her father-in-law's favorite bread ready to go was more important than having a sparkling bathroom for him to clean up in. It's also not me who's so double booked tomorrow that her father-in-law has to come and stand in line for preschool registration for her while her son has his braces applied AND she skips out on the Father-Daughter dance committee at school.

Finally, it is decidedly not me who will go to speech in my flour covered workout gear if I don't finish my lunch and get off of the computer right now. I would never be such a poor time manager.

Happy Monday!

A few Cancer Rants for a Rainy Monday

2009-02-02T17:14:00.004-05:00

Rant #1:

Most of the time I'm too busy actually living my life to remember that I'm a "medical miracle". Every once in a while I have occasion (besides check ups, of course!) to be reminded just how "lucky" I am to be here.

This latest occasion was at the neighborhood urgent care center where I landed early Sunday morning with some nasty urinary tract symptoms (never a good thing when one possesses only one kidney) and an even nastier reaction to a drug that I've taken literally dozens of times to manage said symptoms.

The sweet doctor wasn't just content to take my medical history. He had to analyze it and ask lots of unrelated questions about how I discovered the sarcoma, where/why/how/who treated the sarcoma, and tell me how unusual my cancer was. I get it. I'm a medical junkie myself. I totally see how fascinating my "case" is and why residents and interns have literally salivated over my case (very cool in a Grey's Anatomy way, right?).

What I don't get is this. EVERY practitioner, without fail (this one included) felt the need to find a reason I got cancer.

Smoker? No
Drinker? Rarely
Exercise? Yes
Healthy eater? 90% of the time
Chemical exposure? No
Family History? Nothing even close to my case, thanks.

Every time someone tries to figure out the why, the ninth chapter of John comes to mind.

1As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. 2And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 3Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.

That the works of God might be displayed in me.

That's the why for every circumstance of my life.

When you consider this, and the fact that all any of us "deserve" is death, then it becomes easier to let go of the misconception that hardships are punishments and material blessings are some sort of cosmic gold star for "good" behavior.

Rant #2:

Someone recently said offhandedly that I'd been through the "hell of cancer".

While I appreciate the fact that this person recognized just how hideous my treatment was, the phrase continues to eat at me.

Correct me if my theology is off (and Keith, I know you will) but to me, hell is eternal separation from God.

While there were definitely times when I felt like God might be standing afar, or even asleep during my trials, I knew (and continue to know) that he was there the entire time, cradling me when I was too weak to function.

To be eternally lost to that love, comfort and care...to truly be alone in the struggle...to not know that there was a significant reason (see above) for all it? That, my friends, is hell. Cancer is just a bump in the road.

Not a rant, but still nice for a rather Maudlin Monday :-):

I recently ran into a friend who was on his way to sing for a funeral. We looked at the songs chosen and I began to remember some of the things I had wanted during some of my nastier health crises.

This hymn is one of my all time favorites.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

--Katharina von Schlegel

Evidently, you can go home again

2009-01-31T09:58:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was having lunch with a recently transplanted friend from church. She made the statement that their frequent trips "home" were probably making the transition to living in Florida more difficult, rather than easier.

There's a lot of truth to this statement. But I remember one of the more miserable times of my own much-relocated tween/teen years when I saved my pennies for a trip back to visit friends. It was nice...but not the same. Life--and the relationships I thought were so firmly established--had continued to move on while I was gone. Without day to day contact, the foundation for those friendships crumbled. This pattern repeated itself with every relocation.

This hasn't been the case with my adulthood, where I feel abundantly blessed with quality relationships. I recently had the privilege of returning to Phoenix to speak at a conference for my publisher. I was able to catch up with so many friends...and it was like we had just seen each other days, not months or years, before. I was encouraged, refreshed, and blessed.

What made the difference? I'm doubting that it's our relative "maturity" or even the addictive convenience of the Internet or F*cebook. Rather, the friendships I've been blessed with as an adult are by and large built on the foundation of Christ's love. All of the friends I reunited with in Arizona share the knowledge that the earth is not our home, and that someday we'll all be "home" together.

Personaly, I can't wait. But in the meantime, big thank-you hugs to all of you out in the desert.

It felt just like being home.

Wordless Wednesday: Rock On!

2009-01-14T11:29:00.000-05:00

2009-01-05T14:32:00.002-05:00

This is a great idea! I always appreciate a good laugh at my own expense. Thank you MckMama!

It was certainly not me who got in a tickling match with my dh the other night, only to elicit the comment from her TQ that, "We have bedrooms upstairs!" (Insert teen eye roll here).

It was definitely not me whose three year old begged for a Lunchable (Ugh...could it get grosser) and then exclaimed when denied that "But they're TASTY and they're good for me!". It also wasn't me who burst into giggles at this announcement and couldn't wait to call my husband and share it.

It wasn't me who parked said three year old in front of noggin.com for an HOUR while I did a call in radio interview.

It also wasn't me who booked a face painting gig on the same night and time that I'm supposed to be at our church's women's ministry meeting. I'm never that scatterbrained or disorganized.

It's also not me who has a child waiting to be read a story while I'm on the computer. I'd never be that neglectful.

Happy "Not Me" Monday!