I'm not typical

New posts on my site

2007-02-13T19:48:00.000-05:00

A snow day...

For those who haven't been paying attention - I've changed my blog a bit. The main page of the blog can be found here. There's also a new RSS feed for those who use feed readers. Thanks!

Please update your RSS feed!

2006-12-19T00:49:00.000-05:00

http://www.sherylhugill.com/index.php/feed/

Thanks! :)

The Latest

2006-10-03T16:31:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know. It's been a while. I just don't seem to be too motivated to update on here all that much anymore, unless something's really on my mind that I want to get out. Well, this post will just be a boring update on what's going on with ME.

- I took my first trip to Cedar Point a few weeks ago. I've wanted to go for a really long time, and I've just never said "hey, let's go". So this time I did. Because I am a rollercoaster nut. And Cedar Point didn't disappoint. As far as an amusement park - I might actually say that I like Kings Island better, because the entrances to the rides seem easier to find (or maybe that's just because I've been to Kings Island 2,672 times) and there are better food and shopping options. But 2 specific coasters at Cedar Point have won me over: the Top Thrill Dragster (now officially my favorite amusement park ride of all time) and Millennium Force. Click on the links and check them out for yourself.

- I'm moving again. Not too far from where I live now, and I'm still in Fishers. But I'm moving out of a house w/ a roommate and back into my own apartment. No, no big fights w/ the roommie or anything like that - I just prefer having my own place. It's been a while in coming. So I'm moving the weekend of October 13. And yes, I will need boxes and help moving again... :)

- Today I made my first trip to the dentist in quite a while. It's been years since I've been to a dentist, mostly because I haven't had insurance for the last several years. And last year I broke a big chunk off of one of my back lower teeth. It's not caused me any pain up until recently, like the last couple of weeks. It's been slightly achy off and on. So... I decided it might be time for that long overdue trip to a new dentist. Yikes. And - of course, as suspected - I do need some work done. Turns out I have a gum infection, several cavities, and my broken tooth needs a crown and possibly a root canal. Yee-ha. I'll be having treatment for the gum infection tomorrow and having two of the cavities filled and the crown put on (and possibly the root canal, if needed) next Tuesday. *sigh* Need I say more?

Other than that - things are going pretty smoothly. Work is good. Everything else is good. That's pretty much it. Carry on - nothing else to see here...

The Christian Label

2006-08-27T21:37:00.000-04:00

Some conversations that I've had with a friend of mine have prompted some thinking on my part. She pointed out a couple of different things to me. One thing she told me was that I seem like I think I'm somehow different from other people. I know what she means, too. I know the feeling that she's talking about. And I can't say that this is where all of it comes from, but I know that part of it comes from how I grew up - in church.

Now, obviously I can't speak for anyone else but myself here... I'm only speaking for how I grew up and my own experiences. But I know that in general, the way I was taught to see things was that we (Christians) were different from them (non-Christians). That's basically been something that has been pumped into my brain from birth until probably just the last couple of years or so. And I'm really starting to come to the realization of how much I don't like it.

I do think this "us and them" concept has shifted in me in the last couple of years, however. I know that I don't see myself as being different from people who aren't Christians. The way I see it, we're all the same. I don't have any proof that what I believe is any more true than what anyone else believes. And I don't claim that I've got it all right. However - that doesn't negate what I believe. And really - my core beliefs haven't changed in probably - oh, the last 15-20 years, honestly. So don't go thinking that I'm falling into some crazy cult thinking or that, because your interpretation of what I say here doesn't line up with what you think I should believe, I've started to drift away from my faith and that it's your duty to rescue me. Relax. Just because my spiritual journey may not look like yours, doesn't mean I don't still believe in Jesus, ok?

Ok, so here's where I'm at. I don't see myself as different from people who don't claim to be Christians. I see us all being created the same. I see us all having our own brains and ways of interpreting things. I kind of went in to this on my blog about not putting God in a box. So what's the problem, you're wondering? Well - I guess it comes not in ME thinking that I'm different - but in me thinking that OTHER PEOPLE think that I think I'm different. Yeah - crazy, huh?

My friend that I mentioned earlier - another conversation that we had happened because I had gone to her and told her that I wasn't being judgmental of a certain way she chose to live her life. She turned it around on me - wondered why I felt the need to tell her that. Again, she had a good point. Why did I feel the need to tell her that? Well, I got to thinking about it and came to the realization that it was because of this same line of thinking: I thought that other people would assume that since I was a Christian that I was judgmental. And I felt I needed to clear that up - that I wasn't. I guess I thought that people judged me because I was a Christian, and that I needed to defend myself.

I went to this training yesterday morning for an organization that I'm soon to start volunteering at. It was pretty interesting, and I really enjoyed it. One of the things we talked about was labels. See, this organization reaches out to (as you can read on their website) "homeless and at-risk young adults". So these kids tend to get labelled things like "drop out", "gang member", "druggie", etc. And what we want them to know is that they are NOT their label. The illustration we talked about uses a soup can as a visualization. What's actually in the can might not be what's on the label.

Anyway - my point in talking about labels is that I guess I've come to see "Christian" as being just such a label. It seems that to a lot of people it's come to mean someone who is very religious and by the rules, judgmental, and hypocritical. So in a sense - I find myself trying to "tear off" that label to some extent. Now - it's not like I'm trying to say I'm NOT a Christian. I just hate what that word has come to mean to some people - the bad name it's gotten in some circles. It makes me feel sometimes like I need to prove myself - that the same people that I don't want to think of me as being judgmental are in fact being judgmental of me because I profess to be a Christian. (You starting to get a headache yet?)

I'm not quite sure yet what I think of my thought process on this. I don't know that I really like the fact that I find myself thinking of people as being judgmental and then wanting to prove to them that I'm not. Doesn't quite seem to balance out. Yet I'm also not quite sure how to let it go. The fact is - I've grown up being told that I'm different because I'm a Christian. And I'm still trying to shake that. I really don't think I am different, but yet I find myself concerned of what other people will think of me because of my faith. Talking to another friend of mine the other day about how I'm starting to volunteer, I mentioned to him how it was with a "Christian" organization. He pointed out that to him the word "Christian" never even came into play that much in his life, growing up or now. But yet he hears it from me a lot. Of course that made me think even more.

Hmm... I think I might've just figured it out. I think the problem comes with the label itself. I honestly don't think I even need to say that I'm a Christian. Maybe it's about disregarding the label entirely and refusing to label myself. Maybe I'm the one that's making it too much about the label. I'm spending too much time worrying about what people think of me because I'm a Christian instead of spending that time being Christ-like. If I'm really doing that - I have a feeling I won't care too much about what I get labeled. Or at least I won't spend too much time thinking about it.

For all the screw-ups that I love...

2006-08-16T10:24:00.000-04:00

Wow. I'm realizing a lot about people lately. And just how little a lot of people think of themselves. Here's a news flash - saying "I'm a screw up" really does absolutely nothing to help you. It doesn't take away the pain you caused, and it doesn't keep you from screwing up again - in fact, it perpetuates it.

It's amazing to me how much people hide behind themselves, too. It's hard to believe right now that you can ever really know anyone. People that I thought I knew aren't the people that I thought I knew at all. Actually - that's not true. I still believe they're the people I thought I knew - unfortunately, the good things about them that I saw they don't seem to see themselves. Or if they do - they see the bad things way more easily. And so they live from that part of themselves, instead of living from the good parts that are there.

In my eyes - everyone (yes, EVERYONE - including you) is a gift to this world. And everyone also screws up at some time or another. Everyone hurts people they care about. What really matters is what you do with that when you do. Do you just accept that about yourself - "yeah, I screwed up. I hurt people I care about, just like I always do. I'm a bad person, and I'm always going to be that way"? Or - do you get defensive about it and lash out at others and make it about them when you know that you're the one that screwed up? Do you say "I screwed up - but you're being too hard on me because you have or would've screwed up too"?

None of those approaches is going to help anyone. Least of all you. You know what the best thing you can do is? Own your mistakes. Take responsibility for them. If you screwed up, you screwed up. You hurt someone you loved - you caused a lot of pain. And you're the one that made the choice to do that - no one else. This isn't about anyone else. It's about you and what you did, so don't try to pull anyone else into it or attack them. So own up to it. Take the beatings that you feel like you're getting from it... whether you feel like you deserve them or not, those beatings are caused by YOUR actions.

And then - move forward. Remember what you did, remember the pain that you caused - but learn from it. You screwed up - you made a mistake. But don't let your mistake define you. Don't let your past dictate your future. You screwed up - doesn't mean you're JUST a screw-up. But if you keep saying that's all you are - well, yeah, you will be. You'll even keep going out to find evidence that you are. And you'll perpetuate a cycle that won't stop until you stop it: you screw up, you tell yourself you're a screw-up, you go out and create more evidence that you are, you screw up again... never ending - until you end it. Just don't tell me that you can't - because that's crap. Everyone has a choice in every new moment. You can stop anytime you want. Or if you choose, you can do the easy thing and keep letting your past dictate who you are and keep being a screw-up. Just don't come whining to me when you feel like people have given up on you - because if you do that, the truth is not that people have given up on you - you've just given up on yourself.

I don't know everyone in the world - but I know that my friends are all better than that. I just hope they start to realize that about themselves.

This One's for the Girls

2006-07-25T12:41:00.000-04:00

Yep, more song lyrics.

This one's for all you girls about thirteen
High school canbe so rough, can be so mean
Hold onto, on to your innocence
Stand your ground when everyone's giving in

This one's for the girls

This is for all you girls about twenty-five
In a little apartment, just trying to get by
Living on, on dreams and spaghetti-o's
Wondering where you life is gonna go

[BEEN THERE!!]

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one's for the girls

This is for all you girls about forty-two
Tossing pennies into the Fountain of Youth
Every laugh, laugh line on your face
Made you who you are today

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one's for the girls

Yeah, we're all the same inside (same inside)
From 1 to 99

This one's for the girls
Who've ever had a broken heart
Who've wished upon a shooting star
You're beautiful the way you are
This one's for the girls
Who love without holding back
Who dream with everything they have
All around the world
This one's for the girls
Yeah, this one's for the girls

(Martina McBride)

God doesn't fit in a box.

2006-06-13T14:23:00.000-04:00

I'm getting a bit tired of my judgment being called into question all the time. And no - I'm not saying that my judgment IS good all the time. Because I know it's not. But please - give me some credit.

I could make this blog about defending the things that my judgment is being called into question about, but I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to talk about the God that I believe in - because I think some of my decisions that are being called into question have been made because of my understanding of him.

I believe that God created the universe, and he's bigger than it. He created a world full of people in his image, people with brains and the ability to make choices and decisions based on the conclusions that they come to with those brains. And then - he gave those people the freedom to make those choices. Choices about what they do and what they believe.

Now here's what God DIDN'T do. He didn't make a world without questions. He didn't make everything spiritual so cut and dry that we are forced to believe in one religion without question. He didn't make us robots. (Based on what he did create - as mentioned above - I would think the latter would be obvious.)

I think sometimes we try to put God in our own little boxes. I've kinda tried to stop doing that. Heck, I'm trying to expand my own little box for myself as well. If I can't fit into it anymore, I sure as heck know that he can't. Why do people seem to think that God isn't big enough to handle questions? That he created a world full of people that use the personalities he gave them to seek him in different ways, but he isn't big enough to leave room for all those different ways?

I know what I believe in. I know what I believe about God. I do not believe I have all the answers, or that I do (or ever will) know everything about him. I believe he's pretty infinite - leaving room for questions and doubts and new ways of understanding. Meaning that I will try to never push my ways of believing on someone else. I think that's holding them kind of small. They're created in God's image the same way I am, why should I not allow them room to think for themselves? God does. Instead, I try to recognize what they may see about God that I don't - because honestly, I think the God I believe in is too big to fit inside one religion. I think he's manifested in lots of beautiful things in this world. I think he can be found in fundamentalist churches and "emergent" churches. I think he can be found in Catholic churches and Protestant churches. I think he can be found in religions other than Christianity. I think he can be found in art. I think he can be found in music. (And not just so-called "Christian" art and "Christian" music.) I think he can be found in endeavors that are not associated with church or religion. Heck, I even believe he can be found in horror novels.

God's bigger than the universe - so why keep trying to fit him into just your beliefs? So please - give me room to find him where I find him and stop questioning my journey along the way.

Thanks.

Show up for your life

2006-05-23T23:17:00.000-04:00

Well, where do I begin? I have a lot on my mind right now. I just came from a funeral showing - of a 24-year-old friend of mine who died unexpectedly. And it, along with other recent conversations and things I've been involved with and had on my mind, really caused me to think.

We waste so much of our time and energy in this life. We're selfish, slow, and fearful, among many other things. How much of our lives do we spend just going through the motions? We go to work, come home, watch TV, etc, etc. How aware are you - really - of your life? How present are you in it? You're there - but is your whole being really IN what you're doing each moment?

I've been learning some things about myself lately - becoming more aware of both how I'm perceived as well as learning things about myself that I should've known but somehow just didn't see. One thing I learned was that others perceive me as being closed off and unapproachable. I totally should have seen this - but somehow I just didn't realize it. Or actually I did, but I was pretending not to. I'm glad I'm aware of it now, because closed off and unapproachable is really the last thing I want to be.

Another thing I realized about myself is that I never really give 100% of myself. To anything. This kinda brings me back to what I want to talk about with this blog. Look around. All we really have is our lives. We are not assured of anything beyond right now. (I realize that if you believe in God, you probably believe in some kind of hope after this life, but for now we'll just look at what we know we have and not examine possibilities that we have no absolute proof of their existance.) We have SO MANY opportunities and choices in front of us. And yet it really seems that all too often we just become complacent in our mediocre existence. We're fine with just going through the motions and not really "showing up" for our lives.

This is a cliche question, but take a minute to really, honestly think about it. If you knew that you would die tomorrow - what would you do differently today? And I don't mean things like going sky-diving or anything extreme that you've been planning to get done before you die. I mean - what if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, and you had to live your life today the same? Same job, same friends, seeing the same people, etc. Would you say things to people that you'd never said before but wanted to? Would you be a different person? What would it look like to be MORE of yourself? Would you savor things you usually take for granted? I know I probably would. So the question is, why aren't we doing that now? Why are we wasting our days away?

We're holding ourselves back, and it's silly. And in the end, we'll regret it. We'll probably regret not doing things differently after we die anyway - but why end up regretting the fact that you didn't really LIVE? There are so many things I could go on about here... How we hold back parts of ourselves from people for fear that they will abuse that part of us. How we don't say things for fear of what others might think of what we have to say. How we don't do things because we're afraid that things that happened in our past will happen again. How we don't trust people because we've trusted before and been let down, and we're afraid that will happen again. How we expect so much of people that we're not truly authentic with them because we're afraid they'll disappoint us.

We put so much stock in other people's opinions of us, when, if you look at it, our own opinion of ourselves is all that really matters. For example - you're only a victim if you consider yourself one. If you don't consider yourself one, then you're really not. It's all in how you think of yourself and the circumstances that happen in your life. And honestly - everyone else is probably thinking way more about what they think of themselves than you, anyway.

Can you see how we hinder ourselves? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it for myself, and I'm sick of it for other people. Each of our lives is an individual gift, and all that we know we've been given. So why don't we start showing up for it?

So give me one more shot I'll give it all I've got
Let me open my eyes to a new sunrise I pray
Give me one more chance I'll learn to dance the dance
Well I'm satisfied just being alive give me one more day

(Alabama - Give Me One More Shot)

Life is what happens to you while you're making other plans

2006-05-17T14:04:00.000-04:00

Well, life's been pretty busy this month, but it's also been really good. Here's a recap.

- May 3-7 I did Level 1 of something called Beyond Your Best. I've promised not to blog much about it until after I do Level 2 (which is June 14), but what I will say is that it was great. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about life. I've never really been a depressed person or anything like that, but after doing Level 1, life somehow looks a lot brighter than ever before. One good way to sum it up would be a quote from my pastor - "show up for your life". BYB really helps you do that.

- I finally finished the online class I was teaching. Thank God the semester is now over. I really was a horrible teacher. I think my downslide started when I got sick (3 times!) earlier in the semester. It was all downhill from there, and I really just couldn't get caught up. But it's now over, finally. No more grading to worry about! And don't worry, I won't be teaching again anytime soon...

- Last weekend was the bomb. It started with Stacy's bachelorette party, the first time I've ever really been drunk in my life. It was a blast, though. Getting a drunk guy to pay for my tequila shots, dancing my ass off, being hit on by several random hot guys, holding up my friends because they were plastered before I was... doesn't get much better than that. ;) Seriously though, it was a ton of fun and a good way to kick off the weekend - despite the dull headache the next day.

- And then... I GRADUATED! Yeah, I know - I was finished with my degree in December, but commencement wasn't until this month, so I waited until then to have the party. I of course participated in commencement as well. I almost didn't participate in the all-school ceremony, because I didn't really have any family or anything going to see me walk. But Seren talked me into doing it anyway (since I was the one that talked her into doing it in the first place). And I'm glad I did. I actually liked the all-school ceremony better than the post-commencement ceremony for the School of Engineering & Technology. You don't walk across the stage, and they don't call your name, but it felt more official - walking in to Pomp & Circumstance, getting inducted into the alumni association, and the conferring of degrees and such, where they tell you to move your tassel to the other side. I was really glad I participated, too. I realized that when I was sitting there... I mean, I didn't go to college for anyone else but me, honestly. My parents didn't even really want me to go, didn't think I needed to. So for me the ceremony was more about getting an opportunity to feel recognized for my accomplishment. MY accomplishment. Not that I didn't have a lot of moral support through school, of course, because I did - but I'm the one that did it, and I feel a sense of pride in that.

So where does that leave me now? Well, as I've told a few - I'm kind of just resting. Specifically I'm trying to catch up right now from all the chaos (which is still sort of happening - things will really settle down after Stacy's wedding this weekend). But in general, in life, I'm resting too. Honestly - graduating from college and getting a job has kinda been the big goal since I finished high school. The goal, obviously, has sorta been to be able to stand on my own. I think I've gotten there. School's done, I've got the job... what next? Well, rest first. And just enjoy the fact that I've gotten there. And of course - do some soul searching to figure out what I want the next goal to be. I've got a few smaller ones that I'm currently working on. But by no means is this the end. I'm really learning lately that there are a lot of opportunities out there - life is extraordinarily fun. If you make it that way, that is. But only you can do that...

I am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield (my new theme song...)

Banquet for Life

2006-04-21T23:18:00.000-04:00

So I went to the Crisis Pregnancy Center (CPC) Banquet for Life tonight. It was the third time I've been, with the first being while I was a volunteer counselor for one of their centers. The second time I went, I really didn't get too much out of the speakers, so while I appreciated the opportunity to contribute to their organization and see a couple of people I don't see too often - I wasn't necessarily looking forward to going tonight.

I was pleasantly surprised. Not only did I enjoy the keynote speaker, Michael Reagan (son of former president Ronald Reagan), much more than I had the speaker at the last one I went to (I won't name any names), but I found that different speakers at the banquet triggered different thoughts in me - lots of different thoughts about my life.

One of the speakers, Jennifer O'Neill, brought back thoughts of why I started volunteering at CPC in the first place. I am pro-life, and I do believe that life begins at conception and that it's not just a "glob of tissue" (especially in light of fact that there's a heartbeat at 3 weeks along - but that's another discussion). But there are other, more personal reasons that I'm not so fond of abortion.

Jennifer told her own story - about how she'd had an abortion and later on had ended up having 9 miscarriages. I thought of my own family... my older brother is adopted, with his birth mother being a young mom who could've easily chosen to abort her baby rather than carry him to term and then give him up. But she didn't. And I have a brother because of her choice, because of her strength and willingness to give him up to a couple that wasn't having any luck having children of their own.

Another of the speakers was a CPC client named Pam. Pam was 39 years old when she became pregnant, and was encouraged by several to have an abortion because her pregnancy was high-risk due to her age. This really hit home - my mom was 37 when she became pregnant with me. She'd had several miscarriages before me. What if my parents had just decided that they had one child, my brother, and didn't want to risk another miscarriage or even more problems with another pregnancy? What if they decided to just get an abortion instead of taking the risk of trying to carry another pregnancy to term at my mom's age? Hmm... let's not think about that.

Listening to the clients that spoke also made me think of my days as a volunteer counselor. You know, I know that some people think that the counselors are really just there to save babies and talk women into not having an abortion. While yes, the counselors are all pro-life and ultimately would like to see the women that come in have their babies instead of abort them, that is not all they care about or are there for. Most of the counselors that I've gotten to know really care about each woman that walks in the door of their center. And those counselors are there to love those women, befriend them, and educate them about their options. A lot of times that's exactly what the women that come into the centers need - especially the love.

I have a feeling that a lot of church people are under the impression that the women that are having abortions are women or young girls that are sexually active, not in church, and just want an easy out. Honestly - I don't see that as being the case at all. I think one of the statistics I heard tonight was that either 70 or 80% of the women that get abortions claim to be either Catholic or Protestant.

These women aren't getting abortions because it's an easy out. They're getting abortions because they think it will be easier to do that than to face those around them - the church. The church has put such an outcast license on "sinners" that no one wants to have to admit that they are one. Well, here's a news flash - WE ALL DO IT. More than likely, the people that women considering abortions are afraid to tell about their pregnancy, have done something just as "bad" or worse, even. It's sad that the church's reputation really should be one of love, yet a lot of the time we seek love in the form of authenticity more in those outside the church, because we know we won't be judged or looked down on.

CPC's a good organization. Maybe a bit too right-wing conservative for my taste, but I've seen it from the inside and know that deep down, there are some great intentions and some really great, genuine people involved in it. People that show the love and authenticity that these women that come in could stand to see a bit more of in their lives. Shouldn't we all be seeing (and maybe showing) a little more of that...

Citizens of a Diverse Country

2006-04-17T12:18:00.000-04:00

Last week, twenty thousand people--all with strong opinions about illegal immigration--gathered downtown in Indy to voice those opinions. The result--the city's largest march and rally in a decade, jamming downtown streets.

What should happen to "illegal" immigrants? Should those born in Mexico or another country be allowed to just walk right into America and be allowed the same rights that those of us that were born here are provided? I guess I don't exactly think so. But I don't think we should tighten our borders or just "ship 'em out" either.

I'm not afraid of immigrants taking over our jobs. I'm not afraid of Spanish (or any other language for that matter) becoming a dominant language in the U.S. And I'm not afraid of whites becoming just another minority. But I do believe that it's fair to ask those from another country that want to reside in the U.S. and make a life here to follow a certain process.

What I don't think I agree with is that that process should be as hard as it is. From what I've heard, the process to become an American citizen is not all that much fun or easy. The only thing most of us did to become an American citizen was to be born. Why should we make it so hard for those that weren't quite as fortunate?

Here are my thoughts. Immigrants that come into the U.S. should be allowed to do just that - come in. No need for border strengthening - the U.S. is already a melting pot of diversity, and I think that's great. Every culture, every person, is valuable - why keep people out? But - if they really want to be a part of our country - live here, work here, etc - I think it's fair to ask that they go through the proper procedures. Or they don't get the same rights that we do, at least not by just walking in.

It's just to ask people to comply with the laws of our nation if they want to obtain the rights that the nation's citizens have. But there's no reason to be unfair and mean about it. What kind of nation would that really make us? Not one I'm so sure that I would be proud to be a citizen of, I'm afraid.

What's Really Important

2006-04-10T11:00:00.000-04:00

Boy, Indiana is just making it into a lot of the top statistics lately. The latest one is pretty sad, though. This article declares our state the one with "the worst fatality rate for child abuse in the nation". What are we doing (or not doing might be more accurate) to earn a statistic like this one?

Well, first of all - in order to have the worst fatality rate for child abuse, that must mean we have a pretty bad rate for child abuse as well. Hmm... are there just a lot of really bad parents in Indiana, or what? I guess that's the first thing to think about. What kind of people harm their children like that? Stuff like this is apparently happening all around us, and we're not even aware. Or maybe those that are aware aren't doing enough about it.

People aren't islands. I know that parents can hide what's happening in their home, but why is it like this? Why do we let people become so sequestered (as well as retreating ourselves) that we wouldn't realize or notice that a child is being abused? Why isn't there more of a sense of community where familes at least integrated enough with other families that someone would at least have an idea that a child is being mistreated? And yes - it's a sticky situation. Who wants to be the one to report a parent when they find out they're abusing their child. And what if you're not sure? What then? I don't have all the answers, obviously - but I think it would at least be an improvement if our society wasn't so private.

What about those of us that don't always see or know when stuff like this is going on? What happens when we find out? There's got to be a way to stop this before an abuse turns into a fatality. Indiana at least seems to be trying to do something about it. As read in the above-mentioned article, "last year the Republican-controlled General Assembly, even in a tight budget cycle, approved hiring hundreds of additional caseworkers. A newly elected governor made it a priority to reorganize child welfare, creating a separate department with new leaders and a fresh approach to protecting abused kids." Sounds like we might at least be on the right track.

Stuff like this should be one of the more major issues when electing government officials. What are they going to do about this? We debate things like abortion (which is an important issue, I agree), but what about the children that we already have? Isn't taking care of them just as important? To me, this is just another indicator of how politics needs to change. We need to stop making it about left vs. right and make it more about taking care of what's important, like our children - before it's too late and those children aren't there to take care of anymore.

The Diagnosis

2006-03-27T19:58:00.000-05:00

Well, for those that might be interested in the saga of "what the hell is wrong with Sheryl and why does she keep getting sick", we may have an answer. I made another visit to my doctor today - well, actually one of her nurse practitioners. After explaining my sordid story to her, she checked my lab results from my first visit to the doctor in February. Turns out I was not positive for strep, but was positive for something called "staphylococcus aureus". Basically - a staph infection.

And apparently, "staph" is quite resistant to most forms of penicillin, including Augmentin, the one I've been on twice now. In fact, that link to Wikipedia that I put on the word staph above is to the specific form of staph that I have. The article calls it a "superbug" (one of the major ones) due to its resistance to antibiotics.

What this means is that it's quite possible that the Augmentin I've been taking has been doing really no good whatsoever, and that the reason I keep "getting well" after a few days is just my immune system kicking in naturally. And then - something small, such as missing some sleep, might happen to break down my immune system again - and guess what? I wind up with a horrific sore throat and fever of 102 yet again.

So what's the solution? More powerful drugs! (That thankfully come in a smaller size pill that will hopefully prevent choking hazard this time...) I've been put on something called Cipro. One of the things that Cipro has been used for is to attempt to treat people that have possibly been exposed to anthrax. Uh, yeah. 1000 mg a day of powerful bacteria-fighting artillery. Fun stuff. But my doctor is hoping to stop this craziness once and for all. Heh - yeah, me too. I seriously feel like my body has been through the wringer these past two months.

Go away, superbug, go away...

Sick again??

2006-03-26T14:05:00.000-05:00

This completely and absolutely sucks. I seriously want to cry. I am so damn sick of being sick! What the hell is wrong with me? The beginning of February I got what was suspected to be strep throat by the doctor, but didn't come up as strep on the rapid swab test they do in the doctor's office. So they sent another sample away to a lab, and I never got the results to that test to confirm it was actually strep. But because they were pretty sure it was, they prescribed me an antibiotic accordingly.

A few weeks later, I got sick with what seemed like the exact same thing again. I can't describe to you how miserable it is to have it, whether it was strep or something else. You can barely swallow - it's an effort, and an excruciatingly painful one at that. Both times I was sick with it I lost like 3-5 pounds because I wasn't eating. I just couldn't. It hurt so much to even drink a milkshake. I called the doctor's office and got a prescription for the same antibiotic I was on the first time. The pills are so huge that the second time I got the prescription for them, I had a lot of trouble swallowing them whole and even some trouble swallowing them cut in half. I had to get another prescription for 4 more pills to replace ones that I had to throw away because they got stuck in my throat and I just about choked on them. That's how big my tonsils were.

Both times I was sick I missed 2 days of work, totaling up to 4 missed days. I just started my job in January, and we accumulate sick days. I didn't even have a whole day accumulated when all of this started. So now I've had to take 4 sick days, only 1 of which I've actually accumulated. I'm basically in the hole by 3 days.

And now - I'm sick again. With what I suspect may very possibly be the same damn thing that I've had twice and just gotten over like a week or two ago. Last Wednesday, I started getting a scratchy throat. I started praying that it wasn't strep or whatever again, and I started taking stuff (Airborne, Tylenol Sore Throat, etc.) to try to prevent it from getting any worse. And at first I thought it was working - I wasn't getting any worse. But now, it's Sunday - and my throat is practically killing me yet again.

Maybe I'm just being whiny and playing the victim, but I seriously want to cry. I feel like I'm in this hole that I keep climbing out of (painfully at that) only to keep getting thrown back in again. What's wrong with me? I'm starting to suspect that I may very well have to have a tonsillectomy. Which means for one - surgery that I don't want to have, and am slightly afraid of having. I've never really had surgery before unless you count getting my wisdom teeth removed. And if that's the case, it also means more days of missed work. I'm already worried that I'll have to miss work. I'm so tired of telling them that I'm sick that I'm afraid they're not going to believe me or that there will be some kind of problem since I don't have any of these sick days I'm taking accumulated yet.

*sigh* I feel really frustrated right now. Life doesn't usually get me down quite like this, but I feel like crap, and I'm scared, and really just very frustrated with being sick so much. I'm trying not to let it get me down, but... well, life's a bitch. :(

What's new (well, kinda)

2006-03-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

Convenience vs Diversity

2006-03-18T16:21:00.000-05:00

I live in the 18th fastest-growing county in the nation. What does that mean? Well, for one--it means a heck of a lot of traffic sometimes. Which honestly, only really bothers me on occasion. But really, I'm just not much of a suburban girl.

I live in Hamilton County because I work here. That's pretty much the only reason. My lease on the west side was up and there was an opportunity to save money and move 5 minutes away from where I work, so I took it. Now I live in a house in an addition where 90% of the houses all have the same floor plan as ours. I miss originality.

What is it about Indianapolis that causes people to want to move out of it? It can't be traffic--in my experience, the traffic is much worse in the suburbs than almost anywhere in the city. But yet the current trend seems to be to move just within reach of the city without living IN it. And businesses are encouraging this trend by building up around these suburbs. It's not really necessary to go into the city for much of anything anymore.

I think more people are moving to the suburbs because of the safety and convenience that they perceive. Move to Carmel, or Fishers, or Avon, into a house in an addition with a bunch of upper middle class families just like yours and you'll feel safer. And why go back to Indy at all? Everything you need is being built up around you, just to cater to you. Perfect, right?

But something's missing--at least for me. I'm a city girl. And I'm not afraid of the city. I miss the diversity of the west side apartment complex that I moved out of. I miss seeing all different kinds of people when I go to the grocery store. I miss living a few minutes from downtown where I can go and walk around amongst a variety of people - people on the Circle, college students at IUPUI, people at Circle Centre in town for a convention, people hanging out at Steak 'N' Shake for a cup of coffee, those milling about at the canal... it's practically never-ending.

And for me--there's a community feel to the city that the suburbs are missing. It's too easy in the suburbs to go to your 8-5 job, come home, flip on the tube, and never interact with your neighbors and those that are living around you. That's possible in the city too, of course, but it just SEEMS harder to retreat to your own perfect little cave and not bump into those around you.

The suburbs really are convenient--the city's close by, you can get out of it what you want. But you don't have to be IN it. But what exactly are we moving into and what exactly are we moving away from? Into a place where it's easier to live life in your own box (that looks just like all the other boxes on your street)? Or out of a place where we're afraid of the diversity around us not being safe enough to live in community with?

Dating

2006-03-08T15:17:00.000-05:00

Ok, I confess. Yes, I have started dating someone. Funny how you make some small mention of having a love life in a blog post about more important things and some people seem to pounce on that, completely ignoring everything else in the post. What are you people, just in it for the gossip?? ;)

I've really not dated much in my life. I'm not very good at it. But I think I'm realizing some things. Given the fact that everyone is different, no one is really going to be any good at dating. Because with each different person that you might start dating, it's going to be different - because they're different. So I guess I'm not alone.

There's definitely no formula, no mindset, no anything that's really going to prepare you for dating someone new. So if you're trying to come up with thoughts in your head of what you think a relationship should look like - you're probably going to be sorely disappointed, because when you have one, it's very likely not going to look anything like that. So if you're not in a relationship right now - my advice would be to enjoy being single, stop thinking about dating or marriage because there's no point in it. It's not going to be how you thought, and you're never really going to be prepared for it. So quit wasting your time. Use it for something useful instead - make the most of your "single" time. As singles, we have a lot of free time that will dissipate once we get married and have kids. So I'd say it's best to make good use of it now while we can.

Something else I've realized about dating... when you're single and on your own, you are only presenting yourself to other people. And it's much easier to be comfortable with that, since you have control over what you say and do and what you're like, basically. But once you start dating someone - it's kind of like you're putting your stamp of approval on them. You're saying, "hey, this is someone that I think is great enough that I'm presenting them *with* me". And THAT is a tough thing to do. Especially because you can't control what they're going to say or do or be like. And especially when you've not dated too much and aren't used to having to do it.

The thing is, though - that's a good lesson. No, you can't control this person that you're with. And you're never going to be able to. And they're never going to always do what you want, or always say what you want, or always be exactly the way you want them to be. That's not what love is about anyway. The quote I have in my email signature is a good comment on this:

"The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them." (Thomas Merton)

You have to definitely decide that you really like a person before it becomes easier to present them as someone you're dating, someone with your "stamp of approval". And it's tricky, because you have to not really care so much what other people think of them. Because ultimately, that's not as important as whether you love them or not. And if it goes well, no one will ever really know the person that you know anyway, they won't get to know them the same way. On the flipside, however, don't discount your friends. They know you and (generally) want what's best for you. And they will let you know if they disapprove of your choice. If they do - listen to their reasons. They just might be valid.

So yeah - I'm learning a lot right now. We'll see how it goes...

In the meantime, if you're looking for more unsolicited advice about dating, check out Maurice's recent series of "Friday Night Date Place" blogs:

Friday Night Date Place
Why Date?
Are You Ready to Date?
A Realistic View of Marriage
Defining Dating

They're enough to get you thinking, if nothing else. ;)

Happy Mardi Gras!

2006-02-28T23:05:00.000-05:00

So for those that are unaware (and apparently live under a rock), today is "Fat Tuesday" aka Mardi Gras. The season of Lent starts tomorrow on Ash Wednesday. I didn't used to celebrate or take part in Lent much at all until the last few years, after making a couple of friends who were Catholic and observed it. I found it interesting, and so decided to start observing it myself the last two or three years.

It's customary to "fast" during Lent by giving up something you enjoy. This year, until Easter when Lent is over, I'm giving up both chocolate and caffeine (in other words, caffeinated drinks). Now (being a girl) I'm a pretty big fan of chocolate. And I'm also a morning coffee drinker and fan of Starbucks, so this should be interesting. I'm preparing to have a pretty nice big headache over the next few days as a result of no caffeine. Unless you're brave, you might want to keep your distance... heh.

So today being Fat Tuesday (typically celebrated by going out and enjoying yourself, especially those things that you're about to start fasting from), I wanted to at the very least go out to dinner with some friends. Jon suggested Yats, an appropriate idea since it's a Cajun (read: New Orleans food) restaurant and they're so big on Mardi Gras. So myself, Lauren, Jon, Doug, and the Broaddi met up in Broad Ripple at Yats. We discovered they were closed to prepare for the Mardi Gras party that evening. So we went to Bazbeaux Pizza for dinner instead. Uh, yeah - where the dinner discussion and talk of what some people were giving up for Lent made me suddenly feel like I was in an episode of Seinfeld. (If you want to know more, ask Jon and Maurice. I'm not sure I'm really at liberty to clarify.)

After dinner, Jon, Lauren, Doug, and I headed back to Yats to check out the party. Doug didn't stay too long, but the rest of us hung around for a bit. It was rocking. Lauren and I managed to pick up some beads (we won't tell how!) and it was free drinks all around. Yay free alcohol! There was no way we could pass that up. Yats seemed to be the happening place for Mardi Gras. Fun was had by all.

So here I am now... to finish up my Fat Tuesday, I had to stop at Starbucks for my last "fix" for a while. I covered all my bases with a peppermint mocha and an espresso brownie. I'm enjoying it now as I prepare for headache central tomorrow. Bleh.

In other news... I'm still working on "getting my head out of my ass" (from the post below). I've got some things in the works, but I'm starting to think maybe I'm not making an effort at the simple things enough - like just communicating more with the people whose paths I cross each day. We all just get so wrapped up in what we're doing, it's easy to forget sometimes that there are other people around us just trying to live their lives too. Anyway...

Enjoy "Fat Tuesday" - it's just about over.

Getting my head out of my ass

2006-02-22T20:44:00.000-05:00

My generation (especially singles, it seems) comes across as so selfish sometimes. We think we're entitled to the world served on a silver platter. Everything is always all about us. Our jobs (or lack thereof), our love lives (or lack thereof), our relationships, our interests. Sometimes I think we just need to get our head out of our ass and realize that there's a world out there that doesn't revolve around us.

Yes, life can be frustrating sometimes. But this is the case for everyone - why do we make it sound like we're the only ones with problems, or that our problems are more important than everyone else's? There are certainly people out there with problems far greater than ours. Why do we focus on ourselves so much?

Especially those of us that claim to believe that we're here for a reason. There may not be one definitive reason for why each one of us exist, but there are things we are here to do, that we're instructed to do. As an individual, we may not be able to change the world, but instead of focusing on ourselves at the center of our world, we could start placing more focus on that world that is around us. Heck, even if we don't claim to believe that we're here for a reason, that's still no excuse not to notice that each one of us and our problems are pretty small when compared with the greater problems in the world.

It's not a matter of doing some huge thing to change the whole world. It's more a matter of looking around us (outside of ourselves) to see what we can do to make a difference in our world, the world we've been given, been blessed with. Instead of being so consumed by our lives and our problems, I think if we start to focus on something greater - I think our problems would start to look less disheartening and less important.

I'm pretty guilty of all this myself. I mean, I think I'm less focused on all my problems right now - but only because I've been blessed and don't have as many. I have a good job, money, a car, good friends, a love life, a degree, a place to live, a good church, a good family - and on and on. Things are pretty right in my world, I can't really complain about much. But what am I doing to affect the world around me? Not a whole lot. I've been so busy being caught up in my life and my problems for so long that right now I've pretty much just been enjoying the fact that I don't have as many problems for the moment. Which means - perfect time to stop focusing on myself all the time!

I've spent some time the last year or so figuring out what I think and believe. I think I'm pretty solid now. I'm still learning and growing (and looking for opportunities to learn more), but I think I have a good foundation. I know where I'm at. Not that there isn't always more to learn, but I'm thinking that there's something to be said by learning from doing. Faith without works is dead, right? And I don't feel like I've been doing nearly enough. So I think I'm going to start considering that more. Feel free to hold me accountable to this, too. I'm looking around my world to see where I can make a difference. We'll see what pops up...

(to be continued??)

Love

2006-02-20T22:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I'm being all Christian-y on here lately. ;)

Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.

--From 1 Corinthians 13 in The Message

Hide me in the shadow of the cross

2006-02-20T09:00:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine wrote this...

You comfort me when I am weak
You understand the mysteries of the deep
Your strength, it cannot be denied
In your shadow, I will hide

Hide me in the shadow of the cross
Where my sin and shame are counted lost
Where I find my peace when confusion surrounds
I was all but lost, and now I'm found

Slowly I rise to my feet
Lift my hands, raise an offering
I sing my praise to God above
A God of hope and a God of love

"Walk with me and work with me--watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." --Matthew 11:29-30, The Message

No, nothing's wrong. Everything's fine. I'm just having one of those days where life just seems kinda heavy and I'm a bit worn out from trying to carry it and keep up with it, you know? I'll be ok.

Simple appreciation

2006-02-15T22:07:00.000-05:00

Nothing special today... just simple appreciation for the joy of spending time in life with the people/things that touch you:

- family (love you Sis!)
- books (or getting stuck at the C.S. Lewis shelf at B&N)
- Starbucks (I know they're corporate and overpriced, but I like the fact that I get something different every time I'm there, and I like the whole idea of a coffee shop - promotes conversation)
- the peace that comes from just acknowledging God and taking time out alone to enjoy the fact that he's there and present in a lot more than we usually see

Coffee, a bookstore, time alone to read, as well as time spent with my beautiful sister. How could I ask for a more perfect evening? :-)

That is all.

It's only money, right?

2006-02-03T08:37:00.000-05:00

I have... money.

I received the biggest paycheck of my life (so far) today. And I'll get one every 2 weeks from now on. I know money isn't supposed to matter, but when you've been working part-time to get yourself through school for the last several years, and you receive your first paycheck actually paying you what you're worth in your field... well, it almost brings tears to my eyes. Kind of a "wow, it's finally paying off" type of feeling.

I know it's only money - but it made me feel good. :)

And no, you can't have some. There are bills that need to finally be caught up on. Duh. :P

February 1

2006-02-01T14:08:00.000-05:00

I'm having a bit of a rough time today.

I was sitting at my desk this morning, and I look up and realize that the calendar I have hanging up in my cube has already been flipped over to February. It's a bit odd, because I know I didn't do this. I know I didn't do it - I'm horrible at remembering to change the calendar. So apparently some kind soul stopped by my desk and did this for me. I'm still kinda wondering who it was. I have hunches, but I'm not quite sure.

I noticed on the calendar that tomorrow was Groundhog Day. I was kind of already aware of this because they've mentioned it on the news in the morning that I see on the TVs when I'm at the gym. It reminded me - today is my grandpa's birthday. His birthday is February 1, and Groundhog Day is the 2nd. I remember my dad talking about how he always had a hard time remembering whether Grandpa's birthday was on the 1st or 2nd of February. He said could never recall who came first, Grandpa or the groundhog. :)

My grandpa died in 2003. He was born in 1911, so he would be 95 today if he were still alive. My grandma died the year before, in 2002. I don't remember crying very much at either of their funerals. One thing I do remember, though, was my cousin Jerry and I talking at my grandma's showing. Jerry and I grew up together, we're a year apart. We decided to go get a bite to eat, and ended up at a restaurant that we used to go to all the time when we were kids. It brought back a lot of memories.

Reading Lauren's last blog post made me think about all this some too. I mourn at weird times as well. I didn't cry very much at my grandparents' funerals, but today I'm having a hard time holding the tears back just sitting here at work. I got to thinking about my grandpa. I haven't really thought too much about how I miss my grandparents, but I realized that I do. Looking back at the last few years of my life, I miss their presence there. Especially my grandpa. He was the gentlest person I've ever known. He wasn't necessarily really outgoing, but everyone that knew him loved him. I don't think I ever saw him upset or even worried unless it was about my grandma. I think in some ways she might've been the more dominant one in their relationship, but he really took care of her. And I know, that if he were here today - he'd be proud of me. I've struggled a bit sometimes with really feeling like my parents are proud of me. Graduating college, getting a job - and they're the ones that I feel like I should really be making proud the most. And yet sometimes I wonder if they really are. But my grandpa - I know he would be.

I really miss family times. I don't get too many anymore. I only really see my immediate family - we're not around anyone else much. I used to be around family a lot more when I was a kid. One of the things I enjoyed and remember most from my trip to visit my family in Phoenix last March was the night we stayed with them and they were all getting ready to go to some get-together. It was a flurry of activity. Activity that is my family. I can't describe it, it's just a matter of me knowing what they're all like and watching them... be themselves, basically. It was fun to watch them and think "hey, they're crazy - but they're my family". And I love them and miss them.

I was planning a trip to the cemetery to visit my grandparents this week anyway. I have been since I moved up here closer to where they're buried. I haven't been to visit them since they passed away. So I think I'll go today. I might cry, I might not. But at least I know I feel. I miss them... I realized that today, thinking about my grandpa. I remember who he was and what it was like talking to him and being around him, and I know I'll never be able to experience that again, at least not on this earth. And knowing that makes me feel pain. But it's a normal pain, a pain that should be there. A grief that's maybe been locked up, not allowed to be let out for quite a while. So maybe now it's time to mourn.

Depressing blog today, huh?

Happy Birthday, Grandpa. I miss you.

Weekend update

2006-01-30T10:41:00.000-05:00

This weekend wasn't too terribly exciting, but it was still good. Friday night I went to Maurice's for dinner and to meet up with Lauren, Sally, Maurice, and Jon. We left from there and headed to United States of Mind (aka USOM) for their open mic night, where Maurice was also volunteering (although I never saw him do much). Turned out to be a Dwelling Place reunion, almost - several people from our church showed up there. It was an ok night, but in hindsight, I think I should've been a bit more social. I knew several people there, and didn't really talk to any of them except for those I rode with. I'm going to resolve to do better about that next time, I think.

Saturday I was completely and utterly lazy. I can't say I was completely useless, because I did get some grading done for the online class I'm teaching. That was really the only thing of value I did on Saturday, though. I didn't even take a shower, get dressed, or ever leave the house. A bum, I was. Call it being cavey if you want, but I really think it was more sheer laziness than anything. ;)

Sunday I went to church, where Shane continued his series on evangelism and we had tacos for lunch. :) (Funny how I put both of those in the same sentence, huh?) I finally remembered to bring the microwave I'd promised to donate, so now we have two microwaves. After lunch, I went thrift store shopping with Sally, Lauren, and a friend of Nicole's. We had a lot of fun with that, even though the main thrift store we wanted to hit up ended up being closed on Sunday. I got 5 sweaters for around $10. Woo-hoo! And being the girls that we are, we decided to go for ice cream after our hard afternoon of shopping. ;)

Sunday night I spent getting caught up on all the boring stuff I'd been too lazy to do, like laundry and putting away dishes. I also watched some more episodes of Lost... more about that later, I'm actually working on a "Lost" blog post. :D

This morning I actually managed to get my arse out of bed and make it to the gym. Yay me! I lost 1.4 pounds last week...