A Shot of Common Sense

My baby wrote me a letter...

2009-06-16T17:45:00.002-05:00

My daughter, Monkey, left town 9 days ago to go work at a summer camp for 10 weeks. I am already in withdrawal. (spell check and the dictionary have just informed me that the correct spelling is indeed withdrawal and not withdrawl, who knew?) I have begun calling the alarm on my phone that goes off every night at 8pm reminding me to call my daughter, previously known as love alarm, sadness alarm.

But last night upon arriving home from work, I found in my mailbox a letter from Monkey. This made me very happy. It informed me that she is having a good time, has made friends with all the girls on crew, and that I shouldn't worry because there are no cute boys there. I wasn't worried, ok I wasn't too worried, but I definitely feel better now.

I am going to write a return letter now.

It may be a surprise

2009-06-15T02:36:00.001-05:00

It may be a surprise to those that don't know me, but ian currently amazingly drunk.

I am sorry but this was supposed to be a long post bvut the combination of my intoxication and the iPhones spell check makes to fiifficult to continue. I have corrected some of my mistakes by I am dome trying hb make this legible. Have fun.

Live king and prosper.

Pray that I make it t ark on time tomorrow.

2009-05-19T03:19:00.003-05:00

It always amazes me when I come here to see how long it has been since my last visit. But return I have, although not to document the misadventures of my own life but the adventures of others.

In particular one Emile Zola. Zola was a writer, a playwright, a champion of truth and the rights of the innocent in a time when the innocent, or guilty for that matter, had very few rights at all.

***SPOILER ALERT*** Skip the next paragraph and go to the following one if you hate when people spoil the end of the movie for you.

Emile Zola lived in France from 1840 until his death in 1902, except of course for the brief time he spent in London when he had to flee the country of his birth or be jailed. Jailed for speaking out and accusing the leaders of the French Army of convicting an innocent man of treason and covering up their mistake by acquitting the guilty party in order to save face and avoid a scandal.

THE LIFE OF EMILE ZOLA

Best Picture winner in 1937, The Life Of Emile Zola, described the life and times of one of the most famous writers of the late 19th Century. Known as the creator of literary naturalism a form of writing that exposes plot more than characters and plays up the dirty or negative side of life rather than romanticizing life. The movie although admittedly fictionalizing Zola's life shows a interesting portrayal of his life and the court case that defined his spirit for uncovering and trumpeting the truth. And it accomplishes what a biography should do, which is make you more curious about the life of the portrayed individual, while entertaining it's audience. It's 1937 folks so it there isn't any edge of your seat tension but it was well done and definitely worth 116 minutes of your time.

Ripped the Band-aid off

2009-05-11T01:06:00.000-05:00

Cut the cord.

Unfortunately as they say this is going to hurt you more than it hurts me. I hate hurting people. I need to learn that hurting people a little now save you from hurting them a lot later.

Anyway I am moving on and have an agenda of improving myself and my life.

I'd ask you to wish me luck but I am full aware that there is no luck involved

Good Night and Good Luck.

Ok kids

2009-05-09T00:00:00.002-05:00

No pics. No time to flesh out that last story. Just an attempt to post regularly. You get 10 min with Dave.

I want this guy to post. Because he was just in Vegas and I'm jealous.

I am in small town Indiana visiting my cousins, and tomorrow I will be attending a Scrabble tournament. Yes, I am just that dorky.

I woke up late today and was pissed. But had fun with Monkey once I picked her up.

I didn't go to court to try and resolve my driver's liscence issues

I did get an oil change.

I did decide to rip the band-aid off. No more waiting to see if it will go away. The girl I am seeing (sleeping with) is getting WAAAAAAY to attached and despite me telling her with increasing frequency that I do not want a relationship she sticks around and keeps inviting me over. Have to finally say no.

I have to be up in 7 hours so that's all you get.

Good night and good luck.

Hey

2009-05-06T19:04:00.002-05:00

Did some drinking on Monday. Saw an old friend. Sent some funny text messages. Got my shoes shined. Then went home and watched TV on DVD for 4 hours.

It's actually a better story than that but I have 25 min to take a shower and get the hell out of dodge so I am not late for work.

Stay out of trouble, wouldja people.

So much for posting more

2009-04-07T22:33:00.009-05:00

This every five day shit has got to go.

Today I ate enough food to feed an entire Ethiopian family for a year.

And enough fat and cholesterol to give all the superfans heart attacks.

There is a definite possibility that I consumed 2500 calories at dinner. Thank you b-dubs.

First I split the chili con queso and Pepperoni bites which are triangles of breaded deep fried goodness wrapped around mozzarella cheese and pepperoni and served with marinara sauce. Actually we split the pepperoni bites and I ate 90% of the chili con queso and chips.

Then I ordered a bacon cheeseburger AND 6 breaded tenders with spicy garlic sauce. Both come with fries, but because I lack the natural fear of dying a slow and painful death I substituted potato wedges covered in bacon and cheese for my fries with the burger. It's a good thing I didn't make the switch on both because the lack of cheese and bacon deterred me from eating all my fries.

It is all ok though because I drank diet coke and water with dinner so it all balances out.

Monkey and I played Buzztime trivia for awhile then left for borders so she could do her homework in semi-silence.

Although I don't know how much attention she paid to her homework because just prior to arriving at borders she entered into a major (for her) teenage crisis. Way back in 6th or 7th grade she made friends with two boys, Neeson and Brown. They were best friends and Monkey started hanging out with them. It may have even started earlier than this I have no recollection. She liked liked Brown, but only liked Neeson as a friend. She was a grade ahead of them so pretty much lost touch with them. I think she saw them once while a freshman but not since. She found them through facebook about 2 weeks ago and then ended up texting him constantly last week while on spring break. I asked her if I had anything to worry about and she told me there wasn't, they were just friends. And then within 24 hours she sent me a text saying "maybe you should worry". I replied that she wouldn't talk that much to a boy she didn't like. "It's not me" "Dad help me! This is what he just said: I mean I put myself on the line and u can't say u don't like me a little... WHAT DO I DO?

And that is the last I heard about it until tonight. I turns out he asked her out on the 1st, and she thought it was a April fool's joke, but it wasn't. She initially said no, then said yes. But then he asked if she was doing it because she wanted to go or because she was humoring him. She said I don't know.

Apparently they agreed no dates but would still be friends. Today he said he wanted to stop talking to her for awhile shich got her all upset. I told her that was probably the better idea. "But what happens when we start talking again." At least she is smart enough to know that his crush won't go away in a couple of days or weeks. All she wants is a friend. Life ain't that simple sweetheart.

Then we ended up at Ed's.

And had milkshakes.

Because there wasn't enough food in my belly already.

Now I am home and will watch Movies and/or West Wing until the sun comes up.

Well, I did

2009-04-02T13:51:00.002-05:00

Stop drinking that is. I am officially on hiatus from alcohol until at least Aug 1, possibly Sept 1, but we will see. I would have posted this on April 1 but the people that know me would have called it an April fool's joke. But it's not.

I feel rested today. Pretty much did nothing for the last day and a half. That helps. I was going to do the laundry today but somehow agreed to take the Philarican to the airport. People shouldn't be allowed to ask me favors after midnight. I am always at my weakest.

Speaking of weak, I think I have the flu. It is pretty low grade, but from dealing with my patients I am pretty sure this is Influenza B which builds gradually, kicks your ass in the middle and then takes a long time to go away. As opposed to influenza A which kicks your ass the first two days and then fades within a week.

I am so glad I have a long painful course ahead of me. It is quite motivating.

I am going to go shave now.

Read Sass. She is in Hong Kong.

2009-03-30T10:39:00.001-05:00

Someone please remind me to stop drinking.

I hear the train a comin'

2009-03-26T01:21:00.001-05:00

And it is going to run over somebody's heart. Stay tuned as David once again crushes a woman heart because he is to stupid to avoid women who throw physical affection his way yet radiate crazy the way the Sun radiates heat and light.

I never promise any thing and I try harder and harder each time to tell them that there is no future or hope for a relationship, and each time they say they understand and then they get naked.

And eventually it all gets ugly and I feel like the asshole.

I'm glad I'm not in Kansas

2009-03-24T23:56:00.003-05:00

The wind just blew so hard my entire building shook. I live in a brick 2 flat.

If I wake up in Oz, I am not going to work tomorrow.

I can't imagine what the skyscrapers are like. They are bigger but also higher up. I wonder if you can ever feel the wind in them.

yesterday and today

2009-03-24T23:07:00.004-05:00

Yesterday

Boundary was empty. Went home. Fell asleep around 3am.

Today

Woke up at 7:30am. And again at 9am. Went to see an apt that was both the nicest and most expensive so far. Go figure. Further north than I am now but on top of the expressway. Literally. Couldn't here the traffic from the inside though. That was good.

Fucked around on the Internet until 11:30-noon and then slept until 3p.

Went to see Monkey. $70 for sushi for 2 of us. Would have been happier if it was better and I wasn't hungry again 2 hours later. But I guess I am always hungry 2 hours later. Went to Borders. Bought the book Charlie Wilson's War, wish it had the original cover and not the movie cover. I only read a few pages but it looks like it is going to be even better than the movie, and I loved the movie.

Then took Monkey to her school to see her friend M&M sing for fine arts week. Monkey has a better voice than her friend. When I asked monkey why she didn't sign up she said it was because she was stupid. At least she knew she made a mistake. She also said she wouldn't know what song to sing. She walks around singing constantly. She kills me.

Speaking of killing me she didn't turn in two more Physics homework assignments. Arrgh.

Speaking of being hungry I stopped at Wendy's for food. At least I got the chicken sandwich. But I did get fries. And a diet coke which is probably why I am full of energy right now. Somebody remind me that I have to be at work in the morning.

I am going to finish reading the Washington Biography that I am almost done with so I can read Charlie Wilson's War.

Speaking of reminding. I have to finish Fear and loathing in Las Vegas that I started over a week ago but haven't picked up since. Not out of lack of desire but lack of time and in an effort to read only one book at a time, good luck with that, I wanted to finish His Excellency first.

So my pocket just posted

2009-03-24T00:27:00.001-05:00

Half a post anyway. So what Ias trying to say is that after apologizing profusely and promising to come back I walked out of the bar and put my hands into my coat pockets and realized that not only had I gone out without my wallet but my keys as well. Dumbass.

At that is a contingency that I had prepared for and there is an extra set hidden on the back porch. So I am in the house now and am tired so I don't want to go back. But I am honest and like the spicy chicken sammich so I will go pay my bill and decide if I wanna go to boundry or go to bed.

Luck of the Irish

2009-03-24T00:13:00.001-05:00

So I am walkng from small bar but not to bundry but home. Why home? Because my pstupid ass left my wallet at home. So
Njqp

So I blame it on the sammich

2009-03-24T00:00:00.001-05:00

I was hungry as usual so I went Smallbar for thieir spicy chicken sandwich which is quite noteworthy. But you can't have a sammich without a drink. I started out with a beer. I figure I can't get in much trouble with beer. I had a Three Fourths Pride and Joy. Hoppy, so they tell me, but I liked it. Went well with the sammich and tots. Yes, tots. But after the first beer I couldn't figure out what I wanted next. The bearded bartender graciously gave samples of a few different beers, but nothing grabbed me so I had to go with the bottle of soco that was calling my name since I walked in the door. And his credit the beard knows how a rocks pour should be poured. So I will finish my drink then wander down to Boundry for hopefully 1 or 2 drinks and then go home and get some sleep before I have to get up at 8am.

Stay out of jail.

a LOST thought

2009-03-21T01:14:00.002-05:00

If you have not seen any of the last three lost episodes stop reading.

Oh wait I think I just answered my own question. I was going to ask if anyone thinks that It was sawyer and company who open the gates for the purge but I am guessing they will be gone by then because ben is at least twenty when that happens, and he only looks about twelve or thirteen.

Carry on.

In a nutshell

2009-03-20T23:45:00.002-05:00

Woke up in the Matador's recliner this morning because he had somehow convinced me to me him in Joliet. The somehow was that he was with the Caveman and Danger. I haven't see the Caveman in forever and Danger is a hoot to hang out with.

For example, a bit of Danger wisdom:

Build a man a fire and keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire and keep him warm for the rest of his life.

I met them in a dive bar that had only 5 women in it plus the two that worked there and that quickly dwindled to down to one plus the waitresses. Matador and Caveman had been drinking since 4p and I met them at 9p so they were already on the slippery slope. Matador apparently slipping a little faster than the rest. Danger met them at seven but seemed to have gotten several under his belt by the time I arrived. There is also a possiblity that he had a few in him before he arrived.

At about the time I left Monkey's house, another reason I was willing to drive to the joylet is that I was already halfway there, I received a text from Hot Bartender who was working at Le Passage, which is a club downtown, stating the drink specials and that she can get me on the guest list. AND.....and that there was a group of 200 med students RSVP'd for 10pm. I passed that on to matador who still wouldn't come into the city. It wasn't until I was in said first dive bar of the evening that I realized the true meaning of HotBartender's message. MATCH DAY! MATCH DAY! It was fucking matchday! Match day is the day when all the medical students all around the country find out where they are going to do their residencies. It is a complicated process that culminates in this one day. The day when they find out if they are going to do their residency at the hospital they wanted, or at somewhere shitty, or if they did not match at all and they will have to scramble like mad to find somewhere or have to learn to say "would you like fries with that". All on the same day. Which means that Le Passage was filled with at least 75-100 women who were either really really happy or really really sad, and on their way to becoming really really drunk. Which means easy targets, er, um... I mean good conversation and celebratory sex or consolation sex. Either way I could have been that guy.

But no, I was stuck in a bar with 20 dudes and no scenery. I wonder if Matador's arm hurts today because every time I said Match Day, I punched him in the shoulder. He probably doesn't remember the conversation or the punches. Oops just outed my self.

I did however get to watch the debacle that was the Illinois-Western Kentucky game. Without sound. About two thirds of the way through the game Matador called it a day and went home to sleep. He told us to call him in an hour and he would be up and ready to go again. I know better. I actually think he convinced him self he would be able to get up. I have seen this theory in action more than once and it doesn't work.

The second stop on our dive bar tour and only had two women in it plus the bartender. But this was still a small step up because the bartender, who I know, knows how to pour a real drink. And one of the two other women in the bartender was J a hot bartender that works there. Didn't talk to her because the other 20 neanderthals in the place were in line to talk to her. And well, she really has nothing to say. But is nice to look at. We managed two drinks in that place and then Danger called it a night and Caveman and I moved on to dive bar #3.

It was karaoke night at Dive Bar #3. Oh, joy of joys. But it was apparently ugly people with good voices night so I didn't have the urge to poke my eyes out. And the bartender, who seemed like the kind of guy who always knew how many steps it would take him to get to the shotgun no matter where he was behind the bar, knew how to pour a strong drink. I drink SoCo on the rocks so to me a strong drink is a full glass, and they had decent sized glasses. I few dorks with average but not horrible voices sang a few songs but they were country songs and apparently my mind has developed the ability to tune out country automatically so it was basically a couple of goof balls at the back of the room moving there lips. Again, suprisingly no urge to remove my eyeballs. We lasted two drinks at that place.

Dive bar #4 had some scenery but it was all 21 year old scenery. I think we made it through one drink before we decided to call it a day. We were planning on playing scrabble at Matador's place but when we got there he was on the couch. He woke up when we came in and went to bed. He told us that Abs was sleeping and had to be at work at seven. Which implied that if we were loud while we played scrabble, and we always are, she would kill us in an unpleasant manner.

So I went out to my car to get The Dark Knight DVD, because I have only seen it 3 times and watching a 3 hour movie at 2am seemed like a good idea. Unfortunately or fortunately as the case may be, the sound on the TV would not work with the DVD player. Why I do not know. I have never had a problem before. The only thing that is new is that Aborama's boyfriend, Kentucky, has hooked up his playstation and I don't know if that was causing the problem. I just realized now that I could have played the DVD in the playstation but that thought had not occurred to me at 2am.

So I slept. I woke up at 9 am and woke up the Caveman reminding him he was supposed to be at a wake at 9am. He said he knew and went back to sleep. I was supposed to meet Dr. Magjahooha at BW3 at 11am but instead of taking a shower my tired as crawled up stairs to get some more comfortable sleep in Abs' bed. Sorry Abs.

OK, I thought tis post was gonna be a nutshell because I didn't think I had the energy to type it all out so I was going to make it bullet points. Turns out I was right. I have run out of steam so you will get the condensed version of the rest of my day.

Made it to b-dubs at noon. Magjahooha was not drinking or eating meat. Because even though he now attends a non-denominational christian church he cannot let go of his Catholic up bringing.

His brother who looks like Robin Williams and his cousin and two uncles were there. I had 4 drinks and a shot. One of the uncles is going to be a grandpa. They were there for March Madness but only watched one game and then left. Food was good and the waitress was hot but only 20 years old.

I then drove home in shitty traffic.

Paid my rent.

Saw the downstairs apartment because my landlord wants me to move down there and although they are fixing it up and it will look nice the bedrooms are really small and the bigger bedroom is fucked up because the door is in the middle of the room so my king size bed wont fit. And the 2nd bedroom is so small it won't fit anything bigger than twin bed.

Fuck.

So now I have to move.

Good news is I found a bunch of apt's for under $1000 but the coolest sounding one in the best location had no phone number in the ad so I drove to the address and as far as I can tell it doesn't exist. I will have to try again in the daylight. Hopefully I just wrote the address down wrong.

I took a nap. Prior to that I talked to Hot Latina, who said she might meet me out but didn't. But we have a date for next friday. It is a friend's sweet 16 party. It should be fun.

I actually cooked dinner.

I watched Lost. It was Gooooooooooood!

I got a text from Monkey after midnight. I told her to go to bed. She laughed. Nice.

I wrote this crap. Now I am going to watch a movie even though I have to be up in 8 hours to go to work.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2009-03-18T01:34:00.001-05:00

Well fuck it all to hell

2009-03-15T23:25:00.001-05:00

Well guess what folks? I burned the CD correctly but I had the old laptop on while I was doing all this copying and although I had the fucking thing plugged in it wasn't taking a charge and now it is dead and I want to throw it across the room. I am going to leave before I do that.

Sacre Bleu

2009-03-15T23:07:00.001-05:00

OK, so I found out the problem. The Toshiba copy utility just copied the file instead of burning an image. I knew I needed to do this, but I thought the utility was smart enough to figure it out. I was wrong. So now I am burning the image file. Hopefully correctly. This apparently take way longer than just copying. So I think I will go look at blogs or porn or something. Wish me luck.

Cue mission impossible theme

2009-03-15T22:29:00.002-05:00

I am currently downloading software that is supposed to crack windows passwords because I have this old laptop that I have not used in 3-4 years because I broke the damn screen. I tried to hook it up to an old monitor in the past but the laptop had stopped taking a charge. Now I have it charged and hooked up to a monitor but guess who can't remember what the f'ing password is. So much for changing your passwords frequently. I certainly don't change them frequently but i used to change them every couple of months and now I change them every couple of years. Either way I am I still 5-6 generations of passwords from when I put one on that laptop so who the fuck knows what it is. Ooooh, the software finished downloading! Now I have to copy it to a CD. Be right back. Screw abbreviations, we are not that busy.

OK, so it's burning. I am curious to see what I have on the old laptop. I may not have too many pics because I don't think I had a digital camera back then. I do know that I was keeping a journal, even prior to me starting a blog, so I hope I have some good stuff on there. Although some of the real old stuff would be on my even older laptop, which was unfortunately stolen.

Ooh, ooh, shit is happening on the laptop. I restarted it with Ophcrack in the CD drive so let's see what we shall see. Moment of truth here people windows restarted.....mmmmm, I have the enter password screen and it won't let me in. I think I just failed my first test as a spy. Check back later for updates. I am going to devote all my attention to this problem.

I can't do it

2009-03-09T22:31:00.002-05:00

I just can't I sat down with the full intention of writing Look Ma No Hangover Part 2 but I don't have the energy or desire. I am too tired, too apathetic, to BLAH to write that post. Apparently just typing out what ever drivel comes to my head is much easier than remembering, organizing, and telling a story of events that occured two weeks ago. Has it been that long.

Speaking of long it has been way over a year since I purchased Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I have yet to read it but was reminded of it's importance as a life guide by Alat blood-and-thunder.com.

Which reminds me that I received yet another invitation to go to Vegas today. From Brother, who has received an invite from the Monte Carlo for 3 free days at the end of April. Who also informs me that he has a free companion flight that he is willing to blow on me. So this time free airfare and hotel. Now I just have to sell Matador's car to pay for my drinking and gambling.

Speaking of gambling, I lost a dollar at work making a stupid bet. And a co-worker won $10,000 at the boat playing video poker the other day.

Speaking of drinking, I'm not. My financial situation warrants a complete stopage of my free wheeling eight dollar a drink who wants shots days. So I am semi-retired. I was already planning to sit out St. Patrick's Day, blasphemy I know. And now I may pass on an opportunity to sit in a Buffalo Wild Wings for six hours or more drinking and watch March Madness with 4 or 5 other guys.

So plans to take over the world have slowed but have not stopped. The world will be mine I tell you, MINE!!

Society as a whole is doomed

2009-03-05T13:38:00.004-06:00

How much are people willing to torture and ruin their children for their own amusement?

And you wonder why I hate people?

When I view this in Blogger preview mode it works fine but when I view it on my blog it doesn't seem to load. If you are having the same problem, here is a link to the video of a 2 year old smoking a cigarette.

Update. Or David goes drinking all week and all you get is this lousy update.

2009-03-04T16:47:00.003-06:00

Last week or so, pretty fun but been tired and working. Seriously have a week's worth of good posts rolling around in my head but all I have time for is a status update.

Matador is in Vegas. Bastard. Horse Cock is with him. Double Bastard. They are going to see a Cubs-Sox exhibition game tonight. Double triple super bastards.

I however get to go see Chicago the musical so I am not totally bummed. Just jealous. Almost as exciting as the musical will be dinner. At Corosh. Haven't eaten there in years but my two experiences there were very good. Used to know the manager. Met him out drinking one night. Now I don't even remember his name. I do however remember that the food was fantastic. And I just found out that there kitchen is open late. I just might have to start frequenting this place again.

Anyway, night folks got to run. I have to wake up the naked lady in my bed, get dressed, and find my money clip.

Look Ma, no hangover

2009-02-26T00:38:00.003-06:00

So I got my ass off the couch last night. And it was because of Matador, and his drunk intermittent texts. And it wasn't because I thought Joliet or Fat Tuesday would be so exciting I would talk about it for years to come. I've experienced both before and neither were ever worth more than a days worth of conversation.

No it was because real me was staring current me in the face saying WTF?? This was inadvertently due to this girl and my response to this post, which is a post about boys and friends and alcohol and pancakes and alcohol and probably some disguised douchebaggery and alcohol and hinted about sex and some alcohol leaving the body at some point thank you god and she wrapped up it all up with "Complete fail at moderation." To which I responded Moderation is overrated. And it is. But after I posted that sentence I looked at it and thought what the fuck motherfucker, practice what you preach. Lead by example I always say. If my friends could make me a t-shirt that described me it would probably say Excess is Key. Or Freak. No wait that one is from the ex-girl friends. Strike that.

But seriously. I thought who the fuck am I that I even had a thought that lead me to be sitting on my couch at 10:30pm on Fat Tuesday. So I got my fat ass up, put myself together and got my ass out of the house. I stopped at McDonald's on the way to make myself more fat, effectively ending my 2 week streak of not eating food from a drive through.

There is obviously more to the story I am just incapable of posting at this time. See you tomorrow.