We Talk The Talk

Hell Gig evidence

2009-08-13T17:30:00.000-04:00

Here's the video along with some commentary.

Know Your Audience - watch more funny videos

The health care discussion, "death panels," and why people need to stop tolerating the crazies

2009-08-13T17:26:00.005-04:00

Yes, I get it. More people oppose the Obama health care plan than support it. The most recent Gallup poll has people at 49% against and 43% for, which while in the margin of error, and suggests that the majority, 51%, is either in support or impartial, is nonetheless a less than convincing endorsement.

Now, here's the part where I explain why I don't care about what "the people" think on this particular issue.

It starts with the simple point about democracy. How we don't live in one, how we've never lived in one, and how we've never intended to live in one. We live in a republic. In said governmental structure, we elect people to make decisions for us so we don't have to worry about them. The hope is that they'll be better informed on the issues. We will not always agree with their decisions, but we elect and ultimately, if things go well, reelect them if they work in our best interests and do what we believe they think is right.

Doesn't that feel good.

Okay, now here's the part where I accept that that isn't how politicians work. They're greedy and often bought by big business. This is no exception. It seems logical then that the people would rise up and take on their government in a wide scale demand to protect them from the health care lobby.

The thing is, that's not what's happening. For the first time in history, it appears that we are on the cusp of getting something from the government that we need without unequivocally destroying the private industry that currently does what needs doing. The Democrats could propose a nationalized, universal health care plan that covers everybody. They didn't in large part because they don't have the votes to pass it, but also because many of them represent votes against it. Instead, they are offering a government option - one that doesn't unseat your private care, but gives an option to those who can't have it. In addition, to encourage private coverage, they have included language in the bill penalizing companies for failing to offer health insurance to employees, thus encouraging many companies who don't offer care but could if they weren't so motivated by profit.

The idea that a government option will kill competition and put the private insurers out of business (which is something I actually support) is unfounded. There is nothing in the bill that suggests that that is the goal, and even in Western countries that do have totally nationalized health care (see: England, France, Canada, etc.) private health care still exists and is profitable. What is being done is establishing a baseline.

Which leads me to "death panels." The senate, is was reported today, has removed the "end of life" provision in the bill which has been labeled a "death panel" by such experts as trained journalist and 20+ month governor Sarah Palin, failed sportscaster and abuser of pharmaceuticals Rush Limbaugh, and Glenn Beck, a man who, when not hosting his "news" program, is doing stand-up comedy tours. Seriously. He actually is a comedian. Meanwhile, rational Republicans in the House and Senate, as well as rational and educated conservatives (see: David Brooks) have pretty much unanimously declared the "death panel" accusation insane. Why? Because it's insane. It is clearly a misreading of a provision that families and their doctors should discuss options regarding terminal illness. It's not a negotiation. It's not a "what are you worth to society" question. It is a "do you want to keep fighting" or "do you want to suffer the painful treatments to prolong your life" discussion. It's one that I've had with my mother already, and she's only 49.

But it's been removed. Because the Democrats are cowards and are happy with watered-down versions of their objectives. Presumably, they'll call it compromise. But a compromise entails getting support you wouldn't have otherwise gotten, and my guess is that Michele Bachmann is voting no no matter what.

The reality is that there are a lot of people who have no idea what they're mad about. They're riled up by people like Limbaugh and O'Reilly Palin and Bachmann and friends, and they're out for blood. They are the Michael Moores and Keith Olbermanns of the right, but unlike them in two distinct ways. The first is that while Moore and Olbermann sometimes make distortions and omissions to drive home their point, this bunch is outright lying. There is no truth to death panels. There is no comparison to Nazi Germany. It's just not there. And for all the people on the right saying "the left called Bush a Nazi," you're right. And that was also dishonest and disgusting. But just because your opponents do something distasteful doesn't mean you should.

The other difference is that, unlike the liberal masses that unquestioningly follow the words of their leaders, the right's sheep have weapons. And it has become abundantly clear that they have no problem using them. Since the Obama election, gun and ammo sales have gone through the roof, Democratic congressmen have received death threats, and to date one conservative nut walked into the holocaust museum and opened fire, killing a security guard, and another walked into a church and killed an abortion doctor. I would love someone to provide me with an example of a politically motivated killing of a conservative in recent history. But you won't find one, because even the 9/11 is an inside job nuts (who are often called leftist, but happily blame Obama for the conspiracy theory they tout just as vehemently as they did Bush) don't shoot at the architects and engineers that disprove their nonsense.

These lunatics will continue spouting nonsense everywhere while the supposed "liberal media" tries to rationally explain the realities and intricacies, which no one has the time or interest to listen to. Why? Because it's not they're job. Meanwhile, 49% of America is holding up necessary legislation on health care, and of that 49%, around none of them are waiting to get insurance so they can finally see a doctor while the rest of us pile into free clinics and pay out of pocket the overinflated prices of big PHarma. Or worse, we don't go and don't get at all. But it's Obama that's talking about rationing. Right.

My own private hell gig

2009-05-30T00:53:00.003-04:00

Great Scott, the show I do every Friday, had been empty, and I wasn't really in the mood for comedy.

But I had a show at IB's nightcap and so I went and did it.

I did the exact same set I had done previously to a very good response at the Studio on Wednesday. But this crowd was different. There were only about 9 of them, and I managed to say something that offended each and every one of them in 7 or so minutes.

I opened with a bit about St. Louis, where I pick on it a bit. The woman sitting directly in front of me is from there.

I add a jab about Blue Collar Comedy in which I take a dig at the south. They are also represented in the crowd.

Finally, I do a bit about wheelchairs on the subway. Somehow, I miss that the other woman sitting right in front of me is in a wheelchair. You know what sucks the air out of a room? Insulting a woman in a wheelchair.

I learned a lesson here, of course. You should pay more attention to your audience. I do want to stress how aware I am that this is on me.

My graduate show - "The Person I Don't Like Isn't Here Right Now"

2009-05-19T22:40:00.002-04:00

Last night was really special for me.

I performed in a graduate show for the Improv Asylum Training Center, a production culminating almost a year and a half of training. And we killed. It was a great show. The sketches hit, the improv was on the money, the audience was in it. I've never felt better that I did taking that last bow at the end of the night.

The highlights of the show for me were all involving the same terrible audience member. A drunk meathead who was trying desperately to be funny and an asshole, while failing at the former, was selected for the interview structure, where he was to tell Jonah who it was that he didn't like and why. He said his name was Chris and that the person he didn't like was named Jay. The reason? "He was still breathing." He was trying not to be helpful and the crowd pretty quickly turned against him. This is comedy gold. My castmates and I proceeded to hammer on Chris for a solid 7 or 8 minutes. So fun.

At the end, he kept talking during our outro, allowing for a cutting remark from me to close the show that got huge laughs. I felt great.

Afterward, a lot of audience members came up to let me know what they thought of the show, and I was really happy to hear it was all positive. It was particularly gratifying to have improvisers I know and respect giving us all positive notes on the show.

Now I just want to do more of it. I want to be on stage all the time. And I want that kind of audience. A full room makes such a difference. The night before our grad show, Don't Tell Mimi did a show at the Burren which, while not nearly as well attended, still had a full audience, and it also felt really great. It just feels like that's where I'm supposed to be all the time.

I'm really excited about this summer. I have a lot of improv, sketch, and stand-up stuff coming up, and I'd honestly rather do that than sleep.

Springtime! Stuff I'm doing!

2009-05-02T18:20:00.004-04:00

It's springtime again. The air smells nice, the trees are blossoming, the beers are getting lighter.

As such, I have again hit my annual "time to do natural things" binge. Let's see if I can maintain it this year.

For starters, I got a garden plot at the Clark Cooper Gardens in Mattapan. The people there seem like lovely folks, and I found immediately how bad I am at manual labor and planning. I went to till on Thursday morning, and suddenly realized that a potting shovel wasn't going to be quite enough. I borrowed a spade from the compost pile, and after about 20 minutes and about six of my four hundred square feet, I was done.

To aide my efforts for tomorrow, I have purchased a hoe, shovel, and metal rake. I intend to put a solid hour or two in before going to work so on Monday I can plant a lovely garden of lettuce, cucumbers, carrots, basil, summer squash, and green beans.

I also finally opened the bread maker my grandparents gave me for Christmas. It's making a loaf right now. Watching dough rise is sort of awesome.

It's also time to start beer brewing again. I haven't really done it since October, so I ordered ingredients for an American ale from Northern Brewer today, and am looking forward to results. This coincided with the drinking of the last homebrew I had left. Totally a coincidence.

That's what I'm up to. Pictures will come as things start to happen.

President Obama addresses credit cards

2009-04-23T16:01:00.003-04:00

I recommend watching this brief press conference with the president, who is addressing a huge part of the credit crisis that directly effects most Americans: that of the credit card companies.

As is, credit card companies can change your interest rates with virtually no notice. I myself just had my interest rate increased from 14.99% to 19.99% even though I've always paid on time. It's nice to see Obama sticking up for the little guy here, as I feel like we've seen enough of the government going to bat for the mortgage lenders and "to-big-to-fail" crowd.

Personal experience and universal health care

2009-04-07T19:58:00.003-04:00

My mother had a stroke yesterday. It wasn't too severe. I think she'll be fine.

The problem is in the meantime, she's out of work. Since she was laid off not too long ago, and has yet to find any replacement job full time, she's at a part-time job that doesn't pay for sick leave. She also lost her health insurance when she was laid off. She could have bought COBRA, but she couldn't afford it. It was hard enough just to keep up with her rapidly inflating mortgage.

While it is not a reality yet, it is highly probable that this incident, should she survive it, will equal economic ruin for my mother. She will most likely lose her house and may end up in bankruptcy due to the piling thousands of dollars in medical bills, provided the Rhode Island state government doesn't step in.

This, in combination with my late sister's struggles with the health care system, which among other things attempted to tell her she was no longer suffering from the incurable and terminal illness that ultimately killed her and thus cut care due to a clerical error, has led me to wonder how it's possible that we as a people still accept the idea that health care is a commodity.

I am not going to go through the economic breakdowns about how universal, nationalized health care is cheaper in the long run for businesses and individuals. I'm not going to go through how we can spend enough on the military to blow up twenty earths a year but we can't maintain the well-being of a continent. Nor will I entertain those ridiculous reactionaries who claim that the Canadians, French, and British have to wait for months for treatments and how they all hate their system. I know this not to be true. I've spoken to numerous individuals in each country, and it is notable that removing health care is not in the platforms of any of those nations' leading conservative parties. I'm talking morals.

The United States prides itself (often appropriately) as the leading moral beacon of the earth. We've had a few bumps along the way, but the values of this nation are fundamentally stable at first glance. They are also primarily Christian. I am not a Christian. I am an atheist. That said, I have a rather developed moral compass developed from years of exposure in the Protestant church I grew up attending and my Catholic grandparents. I got the gist. To my understanding, Christians are supposed to look after their fellow man. So how is it that in a country that incarcerates a higher percentage of its population than even China and has a military budget exceeding every other country that has ever existed, how is it that we can't pay for health care because it's "too expensive?"

Of course it's expensive. It's a scientific system jammed with technology with the sole purpose of keeping people who are not healthy or alive healthy and alive. If we value life so much, why can we not revert those nickels and grands that are so feverishly spent on nuclear arms and anti-abortion organizations to pay for the well-being of our neighbors? Why is a fetus' life more valuable than my mom's?

Generally bright liberal mouthpiece makes painfully right-wing mistake

2009-04-01T14:59:00.003-04:00

I'm a fan of Keith Olbermann. I've been watching him since SportsCenter. I even suffered through a few episodes of The Big Show. I appreciate his ability to inject even a shred of intellectual criticism and even the most slightly literate tone to the sea of ill-educated punditry we, the people of the cable news watching republic are submitted to regularly.

It is with this in mind that makes me so angry about something Olbermann said last night on Countdown. While discussing Rush Limbaugh's (and maybe Bill O'Reilly's) support of the death penalty for drug possession in Singapore, Olbermann refers to the practice of hanging drug traffickers in the country as "dictatorial" and "socialistic." The former word is apt. The latter is not.

Let's review what "socialism" actually means, shall we?

According to Dictionary.com:

so⋅cial⋅ism [soh-shuh-liz-uhm]
–noun
1. a theory or system of social organization that advocates the vesting of the ownership and control of the means of production and distribution, of capital, land, etc., in the community as a whole.
2. procedure or practice in accordance with this theory.
3. (in Marxist theory) the stage following capitalism in the transition of a society to communism, characterized by the imperfect implementation of collectivist principles.

The only of those three definitions that may even suggest that hanging would be sanctioned under socialism is the third, and that's only if we believe that "communism" is the same as "Communism." As we all recognize that a movement that uses a name isn't the same as the lowercase words they use (examples: Republican vs. republican, Democrat vs. democrat, National Socialism, or Nazism, vs. nationalism and socialism), using Stalin as an example to back up that socialism supports the hanging of drug dealers is similar to suggesting that FDR's New Deal made America a Communist country.

This is a buzzword. It is a word with positive meaning that conservatives have been beating up for a century.

Let us review further:

Public schools are a socialist program.
Federal loans for college, also socialist.
Social Security. It's in the name, for Christ's sake.
Public roads? Totally socialist. If we were a truly capitalist nation, they'd all be private roads.

But they're not, because some things should be socialized, nationalized, collective, available to everyone. Among them is education, health care, and transportation. In almost every civilized society, they are. Most are here.

The point, then, is that Olbermann, by using the word "socialistic" in a negative manner, as he did, lent credibility to the conservative position that "socialism" is "bad." He's feeding the same monster that has eaten words like "liberalism," "progressive," "Left," "intellectual," "educated," and "ivy league," and turned them all into so much waste.

A man so aware of the power of language should not make this kind of mistake, and while I'm certainly being nitpicky, I won't accept my side to make this mistake. The illiterate masses, the dittoheads, and the intellectually bankrupt accept this kind of nonsense. We're better than that. It often leaves us in the minority, but it also makes us right, which is always better than Right.

Today I drowned in arbitrary bureaucracy

2009-04-01T14:47:00.004-04:00

On Saturday, I ordered a new phone from AT&T. The phone was not cheap. I also paid for 2 day shipping. It is now Wednesday. I still do not have said expensive phone.

Let me explain.

Apparently, AT&T does not ship on Saturdays. Their literature does not make this clear, but I'll accept that it is not a business day, even though UPS, their preferred freight company, does work that day.

So I thought it was going to get here yesterday. It didn't. So I called UPS.

"Can I have my package delivered to my office tomorrow instead of my house. I know I won't be there tomorrow for a few hours."

No. Apparently, UPS needs to fail to deliver at least once before shipping it somewhere else. A stupid rule for sure, but fine.

"Do you know when in the day it will be delivered, because I'll be out for a few hours midday."

Yes. It would be delivered some time between 9am and 7pm. So realistically, the answer was no.

I was gone today from 10:40 am to 1:25 pm. The delivery attempt occurred at 12:16. Of course it did.

So I called again.

"Hey. I was told yesterday that if you failed to deliver this package today, you could ship it somewhere else tomorrow."

Untrue. Whoever told me that was wrong. AT&T doesn't allow customers to change addresses. They have to do it.

So I called AT&T.

They can't change the address until UPS fails to deliver 3 times and then sends it back to AT&T. Nevermind that all someone at AT&T has to do, according to UPS, is call UPS. They don't do that. They "can't."

So ultimately, because of this totally ridiculous policy, I have to take tomorrow off work if I want to get a phone before the end of next week. This is particularly awesome because tomorrow I'd have made a lot of money, whereas today, had UPS told me they wouldn't be able to help me today either, I'd have taken today off, when I made no money and knew that would be the case.

Also, I can't go pick it up at UPS, because their closest pick-up location is in Norwood, which is 2 or 3 cities away from me. Totally logical that they don't have a pick-up location in Boston. I mean, we're only the largest city north of New York. Totally logical there.

When my contract expires, I'm switching to whatever company uses the United States Postal Service.

GE CEO forced to resign, Republicans throw a hissy-fit

2009-03-31T16:36:00.003-04:00

You've no doubt heard that GM CEO Rick Wagoner has, as part of the government aide package to General Motors, been forced out the door for failing to make his company profitable.

The Obama administration, who has not only given unprecedented financial support to the dying giant, but also assured consumers that future warranties will actually be guaranteed by the federal government, has made a decision that Wall St. should have made years ago and McDonald's has known for years - if somebody is failing at his job, he should go get another one.

Who has a problem with this logic? Republicans. Of course. They have a problem with everything. Talking points have all been pretty uniform, a rarity lately, considering they have no identifiable leader. If McCain and Co. are to be believed, this removal of a CEO from a private company is sending the message to all companies in the country that if Barack doesn't like your boss, he has the power to fire them. This, of course, will make companies reluctant to do business here, and will lead to a siphon of American jobs.

Problem is, that isn't what the move says at all. It says that a CEO could be subjected to removal by government order if said company takes large quantities of taxpayer money. These bailouts are the government equivalent of an incredibly friendly corporate takeover, where the majority of management gets to stay on board, but the instance of complete failure compels the new owner (that's the government, and by proxy, us) to remove the speed bump and speed up production.

The reality is that GM didn't have to take the money from the government. They could have gone out of business. While that obviously wouldn't have been beneficial for GM's workers or America at large, it was and is the real option for failing business.

The government just handing money over and not using any oversight has already proven disastrous. The banks, with billions in tax dollars, have hardly loosened up in their lending practices, and we don't even have to discuss AIG et al. What the government is doing to GM is what they should have been doing the whole time, acting like they own the majority of the company.

Why should they act like that? Because they own the majority of the company. You want some reassurance? Ask Alan Mulally. He's the CEO of Ford. I bet he's not worrying about Barack removing him. He is probably still worried about the board, though.

And here I am again

2009-03-23T14:18:00.002-04:00

After incessant requests from my mother to continue, here I am back in the blogosphere. Apparently I am a major source of interest among family members with internet connections at work, who cannot bare a world without my snide remarks and bullshit opinions. Thank god, eh?

So what's been happening? Word on the street is that I am now part owner of one of the largest insurance firms in the world, and am generous enough to give its chief architects of failure excessively large bonuses. I guess it's just the kind of employer I am. I treat my people good, even if I have to suffer a bit to make it a reality.

President Obama-wan Kenobi has infuriated everyone in the country because he either is a socialist who is trying to take over everything or he's too moderate and not controlling enough. Meanwhile, in the first 60 days at my last new job, I'm pretty sure I produced a special section on jewelry that nobody read. Guess who's in the lead?

I owe a ton of money in taxes and comedy is pretty much the same. I'm not famous and should probably start getting my graduate school applications together as to ensure that I don't totally obliterate my future in this wasteland of quasi-humor that I've been calling home for the past two years.

Has anyone else lost faith entirely in Barney Frank? I'd adore it if he stopped talking.

Arnold, meanwhile doesn't sound so crazy anymore. Him and Bloomberg were on Meet The Press with Ed Randell, and I'll be damned if that guy is a Republican. He spent a good 3 minutes talking about investing in infrastructure to promote job creation. Reagan would be spinning in his grave if I had the faith that he'd listen to anyone, but as he didn't even take a meeting with Jimmy Carter during the hostage crisis right before his inauguration, I'm not really worried about it. I'm sure he's sleeping soundly.

One up to the past year, in a sort of schadenfreude way, is that while I may be dressing up like a colonial clown and yelling at midwesterners for a "living," I can't help but get a chuckle about all those douchebags I went to high school and college with that I've run into in the past few years that have been working at investment and banking jobs, who criticized my choices and now are in the unemployment line. Vindictiveness is HILARIOUS to me!

New computer, new post

2008-12-27T13:03:00.003-05:00

It's been a bit since my last post.

There is a reason for this.

That reason is the untimely death of my computer.

At a comedy show I was performing at with my comedy group earlier in the month, a beer was spilled on my laptop, totally destroying all the hardware. It sucked, but I got a new one now, and I'm good to go.

In the meantime, I performed at the Greater Boston Alternative Comedy Festival. We performed an instant Christmas classic, entitled "I'm Not Wearing Pants for Christmas." I felt like it was well received, and anyway, we got a lot of free beer and a check at the end of the night, which made it the most worthwhile show I've ever done.

Christmas was quick, cheap, and pleasant. My dad got me the best coffee I've ever had in my life.

I'm moving on the 1st to a new apartment, with no roommates except Erin. Horray!

This year, I will do my damnedest to write for an hour every day.

Thanksgiving and beyond!

2008-12-02T16:12:00.003-05:00

The holidays have arrived once more, and the stories are already collecting.

My fiance's family stayed with us from last Tuesday until today. While my house was rather cramped, the experience was altogether pleasant. They were very nice, and they cooked a lot of food and were quite tidy.

Wednesday night, the evening before Thanksgiving, I went to Rhode Island to see my mom. My arrival at South Station, where I was to connect for a commuter train, was hazy and odd. I was extremely tired and disoriented to begin with. While waiting for my train, I grabbed some gross french fries from McDonald's. Standing next to their booth waiting, a man I know through work, who I do rather like, came up to me out of nowhere. I tried to talk to him, but couldn't focus on the words he was saying, and am afraid I came off a bit disinterested and abrasive. My fries came up, and he found an excuse to leave after commenting on how quite perfect the portion of fried potatoes I ordered was.

I tried reading for a bit, but really was not dedicated to the material. My train was announced. It seemed as if the entire station was waiting for the Providence 3:45. They flocked together toward platform seven with all the enthusiasm of attending a culling for which they were marked. "People do this every day," I thought as I added myself to their number for the impending slaughter of time.

As I threw myself toward the purple/silver transporter, I heard my name through the chaos. A friend from my childhood was also on his way back to the suburban hell which our youths shared and his adulthood still occupied. We grabbed a seat together, along with a rather rotund Indian woman, and proceeded to loudly and impolitely reminisce about this or that ridiculous thing we'd been involved in years before our lives got more "proper."

We said goodbye at the Attleboro stop, and I attempted to read more. Still not interested. I opted instead to search the train for my mother's husband, whom I was meeting anyway. I found him a few cars down, and apparently my semi-formal dress was amusing to him (which would become a theme for the evening). I can't recall the exact wording of his comments, but they involved me looking something like a depression-era news man. Regardless, pleasantries were exchanged in what would become a rather long night where more than pleasantries were forced and/or resisted. We'll get there.

The train barreled past a series of strip clubs, which according to my mother's husband, denotated our arrival into Rhode Island. As you can imagine, it's a classy joint.

My mother was parked around the corner from the station in Providence. We piled into her elder Saab and were whisked away to West Warwick, where we were greeted by two rather obese dogs and a light-up palm tree. While the tree had been there for some time, at this particular visit it immediately reminded me of the strip clubs of towns past.

Guests were slow to arrive. The majority of those I wanted to see didn't come at all. I spent most of the night going into rooms that other people didn't occupy. Probably not the most polite move, but what I felt obliged to.

My sister's pictures were everywhere and her remains held behind glass were a rather clear reminder of her untimely absence. I felt rather alone - my snotty retorts to this or that went unappreciated.

A neighbor of my mom's, who was apparently a friend of her husband, was in attendance. He started off polite enough, if sort of meatheaded. He spoke quite a bit of bar fights and bedding and impregnating women of apparently ill repute, solidifying his position in my mind as a man of high society. At one point, when he started talking about music, I asked him what band he was talking about. To this, he responded, "you wouldn't know, you're a nerd." I suppose it was the combination of tie-and-black-rim-glasses. Might have also been my ability to string together multiple sentences into coherent thoughts. I'm sure there were plenty of factors.

Through all of this, my mother's husband, a long-since fallen friend of mine, persisted in private exclamations of his familial love for me. It was a conversation I wasn't interested in having, and so I said, "I don't want to have this conversation." Perhaps a bit out of line, so I apologized. I still didn't have the conversation.

Eventually, a friend arrived. We holed up in the kitchen and chatted about nothing in particular. Eventually, he volunteered his girlfriend, who he had arrived with, to give me a ride to the train.

Goodbyes were soon after said, and away I went back toward Providence. It became evident rather quickly that I was going to miss my train, and so the friend's girlfriend was nice enough to offer to drive me back to Boston. While the ride was bumpy and she was rather prying and argumentative, the ride was appreciated, and I ultimately made it back to my home, where I happily passed out on an air mattress in my living room.

When Thanksgiving arrived, it arrived early. Everyone was up and going by seven or eight, and the day consisted, as most good holidays do, of way too much food and television. Throughout it, I did my best to be polite, but felt overwhelmed and at one point insisted on taking a walk to get away for a few minutes. The air was pleasant, the silence more so.

The weekend consisted of hit-or-miss tours at work and a rather lightly attended comedy show. I wish to report how well rested I got, but it was not to be.

All in all, the holiday turned out alright. The lady's family is pleasant enough, and while I don't necessarily appreciate the company that my own keeps all of the time, my mother seems to enjoy them, and I enjoy her. I wish tolerance wasn't such a requisite to every meeting, but sometimes we have to swallow some madness in order to sit down at the table at all.

Crunch time

2008-11-21T16:31:00.002-05:00

Money is getting tight.

Tourist season is over, and as a tour guide, that sort of stings. I also was informed of my impending eviction not to long ago, and my girlfriend was laid off this morning. So things could be better.

I feel like it will be okay, though. I'm uncommonly optimistic. It seems to me that there are a whole lot of life lessons coming up right now. Handling money is a primary one. I can't throw money around anymore. I've been adapting in recent weeks to the change, and it's not so bad. Instead of buying new books, I'm reading the ones I have. Instead of buying coffee and sitting in a shop, I go to the library. The chairs are more comfortable, but I can't say I love the homeless yellers. The quiet ones are fine, and the crazies don't really bother me, either. It's the meat-head tough-guy types that seem to me people who could work but aren't. They walk through the reading rooms at full volume and talk about nothing.

Comedy has to give a bit. I need to make some more money, so I've withdrawn from Anderson until further notice. I also won't be making any more stand-up dates. I'm going to focus on improv classes and teams, which I enjoy the most, anyway.

I tried to write a bit today, but I didn't get anywhere. Maybe I'm stressed, but I feel so overwhelmed when I write these days. I want to do things with historic or fantastical influences right now, but I feel like there's so much to read that I get distracted.

The bus drives through

2008-11-19T17:05:00.002-05:00

The future, as always, looks bright and shiny.

Last week, I got a call from my landlord. Turns out they don't really want to honor an agreement that I have in writing with them that before my rent is increased, they need to fix some things. In addition, they would love for the rent increase to be retroactive. Should I not comply, which I informed them I wouldn't, I will be getting evicted.

The conversation lasted an hour, and included a number of fallacies, including a claim that I am obstructing progress, because they allegedly wanted to fix some things but I wouldn't let them in. Oddly, no one ever called me. Maybe if they had the keys to the apartment that they own, it would be easier for them, as I gave them permission to come here and work, given they give me 24 hours notice. But alas, I am probably moving.

I missed my last Improv Asylum show because of the call, which came about an hour before I intended to leave. I wish I hadn't missed it. I have another tonight, for which I'm pretty geared up.

Work is slowing down significantly at the Freedom Trail. Tours are going off with just 2 or 3 people. I'm worried about money for the winter. I guess I just have to hope for some nice days in the frigid darkness.

Erin's family is coming here for the holidays. The circumstances aren't exactly ideal, but they're being really reasonable and helpful, so I imagine their visit for Thanksgiving will end up pleasant. At worst I can work on my impression of her dad. He's got a great voice which would be gold on stage.

All in all, though, I feel pretty good. I'm feeling rather academic again, and have been reading more history books and arguing with my printed nemeses, much to by bed partner's chagrin. I just finished a book called "American Revolutionaries in the Making." The author, a southern historian from Duke, was essentially arguing that Virginia provided the foundation of the Revolutionary generation, and that that revolutionary generation changed virtually not at all from the colonial infrastructure.

In addition to not being terribly revolutionary, it's a pretty benign telling of the country's founding, and in the great southern tradition, gives altogether too much credit to southern aristocracy in establishing the American Republic.

He also uses "democracy" wrong. That's a big pet peeve of mine.

What a difference a day makes

2008-11-06T14:37:00.004-05:00

On November 4, I went to bed and things were business as usual. I woke up the next morning and a black guy was president, weed was legal, and gay people were no longer welcome in California. Welcome to bizarro world. While the last of those is unfortunate, it will hopefully be overturned in the future, and two out of three ain't bad. We'll certainly remember the 5th of November.

Yesterday was an interesting day for me in comedy, too. I had a show at the Comedy Studio at 8 and Improv Asylum at 10. I didn't feel prepared for either, and as in improv, you just make shit up on the spot, that's saying something.

At the studio show, I didn't offer much in the area of new material. The stuff I used was mostly tried and true, but was delivered shakily because I didn't prepare and was somewhat out of practice. People laughed, but I didn't feel terribly good about it.

I flew out of there after another comic or two, and got the the Asylum. There was some chumming around before the teams started warm-ups, and I couldn't help but notice that, as usual, the other teams' warm-ups seemed to be more lively than ours. Our energy worried me, as we were going on first.

The performance went pretty well - certainly better than last week. My teammates did well and gave great offers. I was a little shaky, and I think I sounded nervous. That bothered me because I wasn't nervous. I didn't have a very strong character in any scene, and I was living off of offers from others and not heightening things much.

The second half of the show, I was selected in the Lottery to play with a few members of the mainstage and house teams. I was the weakest and most inexperienced player, and it showed. I did a lot of sidelining and watching, as the others were so funny, and when I entered, I usually played second cop.

I was the center of the final scene, and while it did go well, I made a choice regarding the "mayor's" scandals and history that had been given to me which I immediately regretted. I was a nervous guy in a chair, and a political handler was thanking me for saving a bunch of kittens and an old lady. My character was then informed that I was to meet the mayor. When that occurred, I was not to mention his past "scandals and indiscretions." Obviously, then, that was what my character was supposed to do. It was an excellent offer that I immediately knew to take.

My response was predictable and subpar. I mentioned cocaine, then tract marks. I closed it by saying, "I think you're daughter is very attractive, Mr. Mayor, and I understand why you did what you did." I did heighten and build, but I felt like the scandals were too predictable. Since I created them, it was on me.

The lesson from the evening is that I'm not trying very hard. My head isn't in it all of the time. I need to constantly be working to make better stuff, and I need to constantly produce to get good stuff out of it. Quantity is important.

This morning, I sat down and watched Saturday's episode of SNL. Instead of watching leisurely, I took notes on all of the sketches, isolating what was funny, what the joke was, and how it was supported. It was a helpful exercise in seeing what works (and a few times, what doesn't). Then I took a train to work with my headphones off to listen to people for character traits. It wasn't terribly productive, but was instructive of what I should be doing generally. I am not the audience, and I need to stop acting like it. Making comedy is a lot of work, and I haven't been pulling my weight. Otherwise, I'll be luke warm forever.

I voted for the black guy

2008-11-04T09:17:00.003-05:00

At 8:19 this morning, I cast my ballot for Barack Obama and Joe Biden for President and Vice President, John Kerry for U.S. Senator, and Sonia Chang-Diaz for State Senator. On question 1, which would eliminate the state income tax, I voted no. On question 2, which would decriminalize marijuana, I voted yes. On question 3, which would ban dog racing in MA, I voted yes.

This election was exciting for me in a lot of ways - the first of which being that I got to vote for a candidate that might actually win. But more than that, I was struck by the weight of getting to vote for a black candidate.

It reminded me of a conversation I had with my mother when I was somewhere around 12 years old. At the time, we lived in an extremely white, blue collar, middle class town - a spot of red in an otherwise blue state. My parents generally sided with Democrats back then, but were still a bit more conservative than they are today.

I don't know what had brought it up. Maybe I was covering presidents in school or something, but my mom and I got to talking about the chances of seeing a woman president or a black president. She maintained, first and foremost, that we'd see a black president first. Her logic was that black people always got things before women did. I scoffed at her logic, although I have to admit now that it is historically correct in most cases. But after talking for a while, we agreed that I would probably see one if not both of these events in my lifetime, and so might she. We guessed, after rigorous consideration of our expert knowledge, that it would be likely we'd see a black president when I was about 40 years old.

Now, here we are on election day. I'm 26. I've seen the world change. In my short life, I've seen landlines give way to cell phones, postcards die at the hands of e-mail, newspapers shrink as the internet exploded, and the middle class disintegrate into a much larger pool of poverty. I've also seen my own generation come of age. I've seen us disregarded as an unreliable voter bloc (remember the Dean campaign!), and I've seen us confront race head on, without violence for maybe the first time ever in this country.

Displaced from the confines and fear of the civil rights movement, my generation was able to be curious. We were able to ask black people questions about race, and question ourselves about why we felt the way did. Long past were the initially heady days of desegregation programs when I went to school. Black kids had been bussed to my school, but it was commonplace by then. Some of them became my friends, but most of them simply served as an example that black kids from Dorchester aren't terribly different from white kids from Foxboro.

So today, more than a decade ahead of schedule, I am excited to see these changes turn into something tangible. After decades of Democrats and Republicans tearing down the legacy of the New Deal, a historic candidate has come to deliver us from the madness of pure form capitalism.

As Reagan once said, "it's morning in America."

I'm a terrible blogger

2008-11-02T20:12:00.003-05:00

Things have been rather busy. My apologies, you 3 readers.

My friend and old roommate, Janell has been in town for the past week. That has led to a reasonable amount of drinking and bro-ing down.

Comedy shows have been hit or miss lately, although I feel like improv is going well, my last show to the contrary.

2 days until the election. My head is exploding in anticipation.

I'll be back soon. Promise.

Amanda Wilding is still the best person I've ever met.

Recapping a long week

2008-10-18T20:56:00.002-04:00

We'll start with Sunday, and work our way through.

Sunday was, as usual, a work day. Two tours downtown - one from Boston Common to Faneuil Hall, another of the North End. I finished up and got changed, and had to fly over to the theater for rehearsal. I felt pretty shaky at the rehearsal, which was bad, because our opening show was coming up on Wednesday.

Monday night, improv class was cancelled due to the holiday, so I co-hosted with Rob at the Milky Way. The turnout was really quite bad, but I had a really excellent time. The poor turnout combined with my comfort performing with Rob really allowed him and me to take some risks on stage, and were able to make some funny stuff happen. Afterward, we went to Food Wall with a few other comics and got really terrible chinese food before Rob and I went and caught last call at another bar closer to our houses.

Tuesday was the Rob Crean Show. As per usual, things were disorganized and felt absolutely terrible before the show started. Once it did start, though, it was great. We had a lot of guests on the bill, and a really good band. The turnout was not capacity, but it was certainly good. I also delivered Wilding Wilding World better than I think I ever had before.

It was another late night though.

Wednesday was my first performance at Improv Asylum in house teams. It was sort of sloppy, but all in all, I thought we did really well. I like my teammates a lot and have a lot of faith in our ability to get a good show together through this run. The audience was light that night (presidential debate), but the people there were great.

Post-show included more drinking and staying up too late.

Thursday began with a call from my mom, who reported that tickets to game 5 of the ALCS were reasonably priced, and that I might consider buying some. I did. While most of the park left during the 7th inning stretch, I stuck around to see one of the best comebacks in baseball history. I got home at about 1am, and couldn't sleep because I was so excited about it.

Friday was another installment of The Gas at Great Scott. It was also poorly attended, but again Rob and I had a pretty good time. Afterward, I went to Improv Asylum to catch the mainstage show at 10pm. I met Britany, one of my teammates, there. The mainstage brought their A game, and Brit and I opted to stick around for the midnight show, which was a competition between college teams from Salem State and Suffolk. Suffolk won. They were excellent.

At about 1:30 or 2, we got out of there and Brit caught a cab. I had my bike, but was hungry and went for a slice of pizza. There I met a group of folks who were pretty drunk but fun enough. I palled around with them (much like Obama does with terrorists, I hear), until about 2:30 before heading home.

Today, I did nothing. Erin went to Portland to see some friends, and I woke up late, had breakfast at noon, and went for a walk to the Arboretum, where I read about 1/3 of a book I will complain about in great detail here once I'm finished.

Tomorrow, the packed schedule starts again. For now though, I'm going to watch the Red Sox.

I know, I know. You've missed me terribly.

2008-10-06T23:16:00.002-04:00

I've been busy. Stuff is happening.

A lot of shows going on: most of them could be better attended. But something is better than nothing.

I've also gone back and forth with some rather melodramatic fits of depression lately, because that's just the kind of guy I am.

House Team rehearsals started on Sunday. I couldn't have felt less good. Or at least I thought I couldn't. Then I went to improv class tonight. Now that was some bad performing on my part.

I really would love to write a sketch, but I've got nothing right now. Maybe it's writer's block. Or maybe it's that I don't actually have creative ideas at all.

All of my new bits are bad. They get polite giggles at best.

I think this is the part where a lot of people give up.

I can't say I don't think about it on the nightly...

It's hard to keep going when you feel terrible at something. Part of me thinks I keep trying to write and perform things so that I'll have an excuse for being a financial failure. "He's a creative-type" seems to get a lot of people off the hook for being otherwise useless.

I miss being young and excited about everything. Things feel very redundant right about now. Watching teen flicks doesn't help.

Rough night, rough day

2008-09-26T16:04:00.004-04:00

I hadn't been feeling too well through most of the afternoon. Upon returning home, I sent out the necessary emails to cancel a meeting and a stand-up appearance I'd had scheduled. I felt a bit achy and flu-like, and didn't want to make it any worse. Erin got home and we didn't have any food in the house, so I accompanied her to the tavern down the road. She got a veggie burger, while I tried in vein to soldier through a pint of Wachusett Octoberfest.

When I got home, I moved my new desk into my room and proceeded to watch TV for a few hours before retiring to bed. Lying there, Erin and I got to talking about a lot of things. It turned to the subject of my sister, and I started thinking and talking a lot about the possibility of being the last member of my family alive.

Erin nodded off. She had to work early. I didn't. I lay there for about an hour before slipping out, grabbing my shoes and jeans, and walking out the front door. I made a phone call to see when the same tavern's last call was. 12:45. It was 11:03. Plenty of time. Grab a drink. Starting to get hungry. Maybe they still have some food, too.

I was sitting at the one hundred year old bar in minutes. "Wachusett October" I said to the bartender I'd seen a million times from a distance at a nearby table but rarely looked at face to face at the bar. "Kitchen still open?" I asked him.

"We still have pizza."

"I'll have a small cheese."

"You got it."

He put down two coasters in front of me as he got my drink. I picked one up and put it back, which he thanked me for. I sat there staring at my pint glass filled with seasonal. It was a Coors Light glass. Funny I always get shitty beer company glasses when I go out. I'd never drink the stuff.

My fingers touched the top of the glass when I wasn't holding it. I realized I wanted someone to ask what was wrong, but no one did. Not their problem. For the best. Wouldn't want'm to think I'm nuts or something.

I ate five small pieces of pizza along with another pint. The sixth went to the middle-aged guy sitting next to me. He'd declined initially, but relented and devoured accordingly.

I left thirty dollars on the bar and walked out.

Walking toward Boston English, I decided to call a friend. He answered, assuming that my calling at midnight meant it was important. We talked for a few minutes about my anxieties. He was patient and reasonable. Didn't solve the problem. Nobody ever does. I wasn't as frantic though. I let him go to bed.

My dad was getting out of work about then. I gave him a ring.

"Hey - what's up," he answered.

"I think I'm cracking up a little bit."

We talked for about an hour. About Amanda. About loss. Raw deals and shitty hands. He explained that nobody will ever get it - a variation of an already known conclusion. Anyway, it was good to hear someone else struggle with the same things.

He got me laughing after a bit. We talked baseball and ill-informed voters.

I went back upstairs. Slipped back into bed.

Today I woke up a little better. Work was wet and miserable. Cold rain soaked through my colonial coat and right into my chest. At the end of my shift, I went into a Yankee Candle and bought a few candle stands and candles. I stopped to buy some fresh bread near my house, and the bag of candles broke. They went everywhere, but nothing broke.

When I got home, I poured a glass of wine, filled the tub, lit the candles cut some bread and cheese, grabbed the snooty french novel I am reading, and turned Mozart up.

Lying there, I felt relaxed for the first time in a while. Totally comfortable. Totally serene.

My body is warn right now. Cold and depression rattled it a bit. I need to sleep right now. I also need to write. I fight with myself about the order - assume I'll reverse it. My bottle is almost empty.

New video I'm in

2008-09-18T18:11:00.000-04:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Make sure to vote!

Made Improv Asylum's house teams

2008-09-12T16:34:00.002-04:00

To my surprise, I received an email from the Improv Asylum Training Center today informing me that I have been picked as a member of this term's house teams. I will thus be taking part in an eight-week run on Wednesday nights from 10-12 at the Asylum's North End Theater.

I can't say I'm not surprised, nor can I deny that I'm thrilled about this. While it's not a paid position, it is a step in the right direction performance-wise, and gives me an opportunity to get stage time and experience in improv theater. Hopefully I'll develop into a better performer than I was at my audition through it. I must say that I feel I lucked out. There weren't a lot of people at the audition, and if the turnout was better, I don't imagine I'd have made the cut. That said, a shot is a shot.

Tonight, I'm co-hosting a new comedy show at Great Scott, called The Gas, with Rob.

Fort Ticonderoga and improv audition

2008-09-11T07:49:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I ventured out to upstate New York with some co-workers and enjoyed a day at Fort Ticonderoga. It was my second visit there, and I watched a rather long battle reenactment on the park's green, followed by an hour or two of getting lost in the fort itself. It was an excellent "museum," with all kinds of artifacts from the French and Indian War and the Revolutionary War. The setup of the museum was great for putting everything in context as far as timelines are concerned, and the armory had a replica musket which visitors could pick up to give an impression of how heavy the things soldiers had to carry were.

I think my favorite part was the small exhibit on the Black Watch. Black Watch is a Scottish military unit known for its bravery, kind of like American Rangers or Green Berets. There's a story about them in the museum in the French and Indian war, where they get shot up pretty badly, but continue to press on as long as their bagpipe player keeps playing. He continues to play even after his leg is blown off. Pretty epic.

After Fort Ti, we went back to my boss' farm, where I spent the next few days swimming in a swimming hole, reading, and editing video for The Rob Crean Show on Tuesday. The videos included a video introduction for the band, Earth People, who played that night, and three fake ads for Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, who now sponsor the show. They all came out alright but not great, and the show totally sold out. We had a few norms in the crowd, too. They came up to us afterwards and told us how much they enjoyed it. It was nice to win over some older folks.

Monday night, after returning from Fort Ti, I had an audition at Improv Asylum for House Teams. While it wasn't the strongest audition I could have done, it was certainly better than last time. My one regret was not mixing up my character work more. The characters were different, but they didn't have a ton of range. We find out today whether we made it. As per usual, I am not holding my breath.

This Friday, Anderson starts our new stand-up comedy show, The Gas, which is before the Pill at Great Scott in Allston. We met with the guy who manages Great Scott the other day, and he seemed pretty enthusiastic about the show. Hope it goes okay.

Last night's Laugh Track

2008-09-03T10:22:00.003-04:00

Laugh Track, the comedy show that I host, started up again last night. Moving about a block downtown from The Point to Durty Nelly's we now have a smaller room and, I have to say, a more accommodating staff.

I was worried upon arrival, as the bartender downstairs told me there was no event scheduled that day, and I noticed my flyers (which I'm pretty sure I gave the same bartender) never made it to the windows. I had to name drop the managers' names before he'd even check for me. When I was let upstairs, I set up pretty easily and went back out to flyer.

Before the show started, I met the guy who runs the bar. He was very helpful, and put out a sandwich board outside to promote the show. That got some more folks in the doors. Our bartender was also a really nice guy.

I handed out a few hundred handbills over the course of the day. All of them amounted to nobody showing up, although some of the flyers on the polls led to some new faces. There was also a reasonable amount of acquaintances at the show who brought friends, and everybody seemed to have a good time.

We definitely lost some money. That said, it's the first show at a new venue. It's going to take some time to build it up. I feel good about next month.

Tonight we have a special laugh track at the Milky Way in Jamaica Plain. Last month's was pretty good - JP folks tend to come to events in their community. Time to go to work now.