Alex Ludd Is a Hottie!

What Girls Are Made of

2007-05-19T11:10:00.000-07:00

Eggs
1 teaspoon salt
a bit of vinegar
maybe some potatoes
2 quarts whole milk
1 quart skim milk
Dessert of the gods

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Chalice of Joy

2007-05-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

O joyful Cup!
Cup that gives me strength.
Cup that protects me in my time of need --
What can I do to deserve Thee?
I shall run the race and persevere.
Thou, o Cup that overfloweth with blessing,
Help me to endure.
O Cup that holds this sacred content,
Precious life and passion,
Keep me from harm.
Cover me
When I get kicked in the Nuts.

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Governmentium the newest element on the Periodic Chart

2007-04-01T13:39:00.000-07:00

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new
element has been named Governmentium. Governmentium (Gv) has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles
are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast
quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium
has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally
take less than a second to take over four days to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's Mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When
catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element
that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as
many peons but twice as many morons.

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some thoughts on foreign policy

2007-01-18T16:35:00.000-08:00

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An Ode to Cindy

2007-01-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

O Wretched heart!
I feel your beat in my breast as I long to suckle hers
Bald, bald! As the nail betrays...
A hope that I'll see her look my way as I hide in her yard
And woe. Dissapointmented. O woe. O woah.
I love from afar, but when I steal a kiss in the night
'tis only a photograph, only a photo taped to her window.
And yonder yet, for her lovely hiney
the hindQuarters of a thoroughbred.
No master of verse, Frost excepted, could kidnap your essence
My hero. J'adore.

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2006-06-01T14:32:00.000-07:00

A lesson in world history

The two most important events in all of history were the Invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was invented yet, so our early human ancestors just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement".

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, weaving and hair dressing. Some tried their hand at entertainment. This was the beginning of "the Liberal movement."

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the trade union, class action lawsuits, the invention of group therapy & group hugs and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.

They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.

Sushi, tofu and French food are standard liberal fare.

Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, hairdressers, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented baseball's designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer and eat red meat & potatoes. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, self-employed, athletes & generally anyone who works productively outside government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. They also like to take money away from successful people and give it to the failures.

Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tame & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Thus ends today's lesson in world history

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2006-05-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

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2006-05-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

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Only the Brave

2006-04-24T18:28:00.000-07:00

And for the critical, here is my nohari window.

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Praise me, Seymour!

2006-04-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

Good news! Now you can share your opinion of me in my Johari Window. Afterwards, my main question will be was it as good for you as it was for me?

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Believe it or not, I'm finally back!

2006-04-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

Here's the situation: Until I'm elected, I need to keep a day job to pay for the campaign. These past few weeks, I've been bogged down with work.

Also, I've noticed that numbers are down. The only solution is to pick them back up. Not in a boyscout/old-lady kind of way, but in a caffiene way. This means advertise. Do your country a favor, and place "Alex Ludd for President" flyers all over your town, workplace, and even the sewers (so the Ninja Turtles see them). I'm going to want photographs in by the end of the month proving you did it.

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More Notes to Recent Visitors

2006-03-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

1. While I'm no doctor, I don't think it causes blindness. If you're worried about your eyesight (or your tennis elbow, for that matter) I suggest you see a professional about it, not a blog.

2. Although I am hot, I am not a girl. I am not even underage. As a legal disclaimer, let me make perfectly clear that I do not encourage underage pornography.

3. I have never even met your daughter, and am not interested in her that way.

4. Regarding #3 above, let me assure you that I know some very hot women who are not jailbait. My blogroll gives evidence.

5. I do not have the Charles in Charge season DVDs for sale, but I commend you on your taste in viewing.

6. I am not in jail, nor am I romantically involved with anyone in jail. I think I resent your stereotypes about politicians.

7. I seriously doubt your daughter "needs" it.

8. For those who came looking for "hottie," you've come to the right place. When you're finished here, may I also reccomend Cindy's blog?

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A note to the recent visitor

2006-02-19T19:15:00.000-08:00

A message for the person I spotted recently on my incoming links:
I have neither dog nor webcam. You're wasting your time here.

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Reliable Emails

2006-02-19T10:12:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've been getting emails from all sorts of people that I don't know. Some guy in Australia is willing to give me $10 million, as long as 90% goes to charities. Evidently, his family would keep it for themselves instead of giving it to charity, so he'd rather trust a complete stranger in another country with an email address he picked at random. About five or six girls with different names sent me the exact same email offering me an extra 2-12 inches. The subjects and bodies of the emails were the same, but the emails had different senders, and different signatures. Oddly enough, only some of them were from hotmail accounts. I've also been getting lots of emails about "free photoshop video tutorials 8hours", which strikes me as odd, because Photoshop can't be used to make videos (just still images), nor do I own Photoshop.

Anyhow, I've pretty much figured out how it all goes together. Using the $1,000,000 that doesn't go to charity, I can buy a copy of photoshop. I will use this, along with the skills learned in the free tutorials, to give myself an extra 2-12 inches (or more, if I want)!

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Campaign News

2006-02-18T11:40:00.000-08:00

Just a brief update, to let you know that the forum has the most recent campaign news. Due to the sensitive nature of the post, I am not posting a new link to the Alex Ludd forums, knowing that the faithful future constituency will know how to get there.

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True Love

2006-02-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

For anyone who didn't get enough valentines, I offer this:

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He
appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he
wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are
you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee."Do you remember 20 years ago when we
were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do," she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when
your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for
20 years?"

"I remember that too," she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out
today."

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The Future of Technology

2006-02-12T09:13:00.000-08:00

Though a good president needs good strategies to beat his opponents, and good plans to keep the country from being bombed, he also needs to keep the economy good. For this reason, I have decided to invest time and money into the latest technologies, in hopes that it will keep the economy good enough for me to get reelected. I've included a list of technologies that I believe will be beneficial, along with explanations of why I chose them.

Redtooth - Like Bluetooth, this allows wireless communications. The difference is, since it's red, it goes further, and is less noticable in certain places, such as the circus, or the theatre.
USB Floppy Drives - A drive that plugs into a computer's USB port that allows the usage of floppy disks. A single floppy disk holds only 1.4 Megabytes, but due to their inexpensive nature, a person could realistically have several thousand, provided they can store them, thus giving them a few gigabytes in which to put all their important JPGs and MP3s.
Medical Science - This will help me recover if, during my term, I am injured. This will take some of the load off of my Vice President's job.
PokéFurbyMon - A new combination of Pokémon and Furby, this will sell like hotcakes. I'll make a fortune, and the economy will be saved! Hurrah!
Charles in Charge season 2 DVD - Like PokéFurbyMon, this is guaranteed to be a best seller, except for adults. Stated by some guy I met on the street to be the product everyone wants, I'm sure this will sell like hotcakes, thus making me a fortune and saving the economy! Hurrah! (It IS technology, because it's a DVD)
Electic StaplerMatic - Basically, it's a stapler that automatically lines up the paper for you and staples it at just the press of a button. It can also sort papers by color, weight, and saturated fat content.
Singing Wall Bass - Just what everybody wants, this toy looks remarkably similar to a real fish, and will start singing as soon as you press a button, consider pressing a button, or even notice that there is a button. It also sings if you enter the room. While this product doesn't have MUCH market for deaf people, even they want it to show off their 1337 PHISHING skills.

So basically, technology is where the future is at. The reason I didn't put VCRs on the list, despite their inherent functionality, is because they never stop flashing 12:00. It's driving me crazy.

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In my own defense

2006-01-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

I know. Really, I do. I am like Santa Claus -- I see you when you're mocking. I know when you're talking about me. It's a big responsibility, really. I can't help knowing that my sparse words have disappointed the minions, fans, and hyper-bright alike. (You know which category YOU belong in. Don't tell the others, though; they like to think they are hyper-bright, too, you know.)

All I can say in my own defense is... well, I'm worth the wait.

Ok, that didn't come out as humble as I intended. What I meant to say was this: I'm hot. You know it's true.

Whoops, I did it again.

I guess I need to work on humility. It's a lot harder for people like us to be humble, you know. So I guess for now I'll just have to ask for your forgiveness. I'll try to do better... because YOU are worth it.

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Yum?

2006-01-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

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Cindy said I'm a slacker.

2006-01-03T15:57:00.000-08:00

Alex Ludd says --

I guess Cindy's right. But late, not never, is the meme she tagged me for.

It's like a Christmas card a day too late
Spanks JJ. I finally did it. (Actually I did it yesterday but the computer crashed and I lost it.)

You get one wish of anything, what would you ask for?
To be J-lo's bar of soap.

Wish for 6 more wishes.
1. To be Cindy's webcam.
2. To have Trixie's mind.
3. To have Amy's education.
4. To have Christopher Walken's money.
5. To have Kos's readership.
6. To have W's job.

What animal would you be?
A stallion. Or should I choose something that would be more of a change?

Something you want to do in your life:
Have an airport named after me.

One song you could listen to over and over again:
Like a Virgin.

Coke or Pepsi?
Shasta chocolate soda with a scoop of french vanilla ice cream. Why be dull?

Something you currently desire:
Prime rib. Or maybe some sort of beef to eat.

One good deed you've done lately:
Prevented an alien invasion.

A funny moment in your life:
Took four girls to the prom without any of them finding out that I took the others.

Tagging:
1. Hammy
2. Andrea
3. Julia
4. Joey
5. Empress

Amy... charming, lovely, delightful, wise, and brilliant...

2005-12-25T12:17:00.000-08:00

... tagged me. She is right, I have not blogged enough. I cannot, for reasons of national security, explain the whole thing, but suffice it to say that being on the run from assassins while attempting to perfect world peace and work out agreements with alien civilizations leaves little time for self promotion.

The meme calls me back to my domestic duties:

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so:

1. kirk
2. shelly
3. cat
4. amy
5. alex
Then you get to select five people to pass the love on to so they can do this meme, like so:

1. Trixie
2. CaptBinky
3. Gunny Walker
4. EPJ
5. Orange Coffee Gurl
6. Dave

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Suzette. I had to lie about my age, and that's still coming back to haunt me. Cindy, I confess, I used my false age on okcupid; if I were really that young I wouldn't be eligible for president. So of course, I must be 35.

What were you doing 1 year ago?
Sleeping, if I recall correctly.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1. J-(e)L(L)O
2. Hot apple pie.
3. Tacos
4. Burritos
5. Edible Underwear

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
1. Beethoven's 5th Symphony
2. Hail to the Chief
3. This Old Man
4. Massochism Tango
5. Theme Song to I Love Lucy

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1. Jennifer Lopez
2. Run for President
3. Buy Slovetsia
4. Create my own theme park, called Luddland. It would feature statues of the faces of all the presidents, including myself. You would enter through the mouth of a giant mural of me, lying in a sexy pose.
5. Free the Genie

Five bad habits:
1. Jennifer's habit of hooking up with the wrong guys.
2. Johnny Depp's habit of forgetting to bathe.
3. The French.
4. My dog's habit of getting too friendly with your leg.
5. Oscar's grouchiness.

Five things you like doing:
1. Jennifer Lopez
2. running for president
3. chasing cars
4. singing C is for Cookie at the mall
5. Negotiating with terrorists

Five things you would never wear again:
1. An underwire bra.
2. Something dug out of Jennifer's trash
3. An "I love N-Sync" tee shirt
4. A diaper
5. Glow perfume, by Jennifer Lopez

Five favorite toys:
1. Dolly, the inflatable sheep
2. Jenny-poo
3. Happy Meal toys
4. Tickle Me Elmo
5. Betsy Wetsy

Good news for Christmas!

2005-12-25T11:47:00.000-08:00

Alex Ludd says --

I got three of the things I asked for for Christmas!
When I got the first, I took it.
Thta's when I got the second.
Now the third is jealous.

Eat my presidential dust!

2005-12-24T15:22:00.000-08:00

Alex Ludd says --
I have a Christmas present for all my loyal fans. It's forums. Reach them by clicking here or typing in http://alexluddforums.sytes.net/ in your address bar. Also, there's a link to it in the sidebar. Furthermore, you can now reach my blog by typing in http://alexludd.sytes.net/ if you're bored with my current address, though that will work too.

Dear Santa...

2005-12-22T15:29:00.000-08:00

Alex Ludd says --
Dear Santa:
Here is the list of things I want this year. I have been a very good boy this year, I only boxed my sister's ears 2 times this year. I haven't been to jail, either.

45" Plasma HDTV

Hilary Duff

Deep Impact DVD

13 Inches

The Presidency

15 lbs of Skittles

Wyoming

A 48-month vacation to Wash. DC

A $20 gift certificate to Mrs. Fields

My own secretary

A white house

Pokémon season 1 DVD

A diploma

Mrs. Johnson, my 10th grade English teacher

A pair of combat boots

Cowboy pajamas

A pair of 7-ft-tall bodyguards

To be #44

A partridge in a pear tree

A plate of tacos

Viagra

A 30 gigapixel digital camera

A first lady

A new cellphone with a built in 30 gigapixel digital camera

A pony

Foreign Policy

2005-12-07T21:14:00.000-08:00

Alex Ludd says -- No good politician can be entirely without foreign policy. Hell, even Carter had foreign policy. So now, I have foreign policy.

1. Australia sucks. Except that crocodile guy. I think we need to get him out of there and then kill their firstborn sons, or at least mail them some torn-up paper-maché and an empty whiskey bottle.

2. Asia is too short. We need new skewed maps that show it to be somewhat taller than it really is.

3. That prince guy from some country I've never heard of that tried to steal my credit card should be reported to Interpol. Then, we throw rocks at him and hope he goes away.