Egomy : Ready For Transmission

3 am Acoustic Cover

2009-05-03T15:40:00.001+08:00

was looking to take a video of the cover since during exams. now that exams are out of the way. here it is :)

Faith

2009-05-03T02:58:00.002+08:00

i've been so stressed for the past weeks, now that it's over. i suddenly find the peace that's finally here, a bit surreal.

it wasn't an easy time for me, having to study a module which i haven't really been to for the whole semester, and to make things worse, yes, it had to be a math module. failing it would mean that my path to a smooth graduation will be obstructed with terrible implications because of my bond.

i frankly haven't been so stressed for like years, i think it got so bad even my neighbors could tell just by looking at me. it's times like this that makes someone feel like giving up and whenever that feeling comes lingering around the corner, i'll keep telling myself that i need to have faith in myself and that i'll pull through this if i just hang on. which i think works for me.

different people put their faith in different things when it comes to sticky situations. most of my friends will know the answer they'll get from me if they ask "who do you believe in?".

my answer, "myself".

it's not that i don't believe in religions, it's just that i have my doubts about the teachings. i spent my secondary school days in Presbyterian High (the yck one, not bishan) and we have to go through an hour of preaching/storytelling during assembly everyday.

at first it was pretty interesting to hear stuff from the bible for the first time when i was sec 1 but as the years go by, i start thinking about what is being said is contradictory and ironic sometimes. maybe i didn't interpret the passage properly, or maybe i misunderstood the passage because i didn't read the ones before.

being raised in a strict taoist family didn't exactly help the cause of me being non-religious. there were too many taboos to look out for, parents follow whatever the mediums say that they should do. monthly rituals stopped us from traveling as much as we would have loved to. i didn't like any of that and it was not long before i stopped following all the strict rules that were in my life but of course i didn't let my parents know up till today. whatever they don't know won't hurt them, or hurt my ear in this case.

we worship deities, gods and look to them for answers when they are in trouble or in need. we cry out to god late at night when everyone's asleep under our blankets and ask "what have i done to deserve this". we visit mediums and consult them when we feel like we're running out of luck or we would like to know the forecast for the coming year.

so what if a voice suddenly appears inside your head and tells you what to do? so what if the forecast that was given by the medium was extremely accurate? ultimately, it all comes down to yourself, your life is in your own hands. if you don't take matters of your life into your own hands, everything will come to naught.

(here comes the part where it becomes slightly blasphemous to some, pardon me.)

what if there is no such thing as god and all the times when we prayed and got an answer was from our own conscience, nothing to do with any heavenly beings or god? you might ask god what you have done to deserve something bad and the answer that came out was just a corruption of your own conscience, which conveniently became an answer from god.

such things can be dectrimental to one's well-being, falling in one's own self-corruption and possibly becoming disillusioned when they realized that the very belief that they put their life's faith in was actually non-existant.

that would kinda suck wouldn't it?

please don't get me wrong, im not against any religion. it's just i have doubts about putting my faith in religions. for the longest time till today, my answer to where my faith lies is still the same.

my faith lies within myself. nothing can go too terribly wrong if you have your life in your own hands.

think about it.

No Music, No Life

2009-04-25T12:21:00.002+08:00

some songs that i've been listening waaaaay too much over this studying period.

music heals my soul.

I Am

2009-04-23T02:13:00.003+08:00

it's been a real mad rush for the past months and here i am finally, making a post for the first time in 2 months.

was watching the most recent episode of Heroes named "I am Sylar". it showed how after Sylar got a shape shifting ability, he started losing himself as he keeps changing his identity from one to another. i feel like we tend to lose sight of who we really are, we may or may not take a very long time to find ourselves again and pick ourselves up.

when was the last time you actually thought about who you really are?

i find it hard to get emotionally attached to anything -- people, teams, things, events. i don't get particularly excited when some big event that i was involved in planning finishes or runs smoothly when it's suppose to. i just feel like it was the way it was planned to be and it happened. nothing to be excited about. i can stay away from home for months and don't feel home sick although my family is pretty tight.

when i play any sports, i play to win, i go competitive, it's just me. losing just isn't my thing. scoring a point in a game is meaningless unless you win the game and winning the game is pointless if you don't win the whole competition. people always ask me why im so emotionless even after winning a big match, this is exactly why.

im a walking contradiction. i'm not fussy when it comes to food but i love good food and i complain about food that is bad when im eating it. yes, i'll still eat it even when it's bad. i hate procrastination in a person but i procrastinate. i want everything to be perfect, but i overlook details when im not particularly interested in the thing that im working on.

i trust people and i would like to think that people trust me as well. the only way to lose my trust is to doubt or betray it. when i lose trust in someone, the person usually doesn't get it back. grudges are meaningless to me but if it's a matter of betraying my trust, i get very bitter even when everything is over and i just think about it.

i don't judge people and i don't really care if people judge me or not. i am who i am, i will never hide it and show a different facade just to adapt to someone else. if i have to put on a facade everytime, how long am i going to be able to pull it off? the best is to go with the flow, just be myself and let people accept me for who i really am.

so have you started thinking about who you are?

Burnout Sem

2009-02-19T23:34:00.003+08:00

this semester seems to be like running on overdrive for me. over the past 2 years in school, i've never felt of burnt out despite the fact that i was very involved in hall and in the ultimate scene.

maybe this is how it feels when i actually study and do my work promptly, took me way too long to realized that workload in school is heavy eh? haha. i've even been less involved in ultimate these days to make time for the school work and the rest of my things.

the upcoming photo exhibition at the end of the month is taking up a lot of my time and energy, spent the whole day from like 11am running around places to grab prints and other stuff. had to rush back to school for a meeting for the exhibition and then rush to training in school after that. i was like so tired when i got back to hall, i just sat at the bench at the common area and fell asleep there. talk about getting burnt out. hah

another long day tmr. zzzzz

January

2009-02-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

January was a pretty topsy-turvy month for me, such that i don't even know when to start writing from.

start of the month was pretty smashing after going to christmas, new year and a week into the new year, i reach the time of the year when i reach the big two-five. so now that im a quarter-century old, everyone up on C4 is making a big fuss out of it although they're ALL only a year younger than me (less guoan, ben and eric). but well, i've always enjoyed getting older, every year i feel more accomplished than the previous and feel like im ready for more up in the year ahead.

thinking about being 25, i realized a list of things that i can probably do now, or i realize that it's happening as im 25:

i can now no longer call myself a young adult, for the fact that i can use the word "century" when im describing my age
i know that my quarter-life crisis is going to come soon
thumper and similar clubs are going to have to let me in now (provided i go there)...
.... although i should start chilling at bars now instead
im now 5 years older than the year 1 girls now
im going to be 6 years older than the girls that are coming into NUS next year....
.... and it'll be perfectly fine for me to date girls who are 7 years younger than me :p

and the list will just keep going on and on and on....

something im amazed at myself for this sem was that i rarely missed lessons and i actually found time to do some revision every week, or at least until the chinese new year week, where the cycle was broken and i find myself starting to have backlog in my work. and i never really liked CNY anyway, for the fact that i have a very small extended family and everything is like closed during the whole period.

at the same time as the backlogs started to pile up, work for my photo exhibition at the end of february went full steam ahead and yes, i've piled up even more work from before and the trainings of my various IHG sports really didn't help the whole cause.

even as i sat down one of the nights to plan my time, i realize that i have close to no time for myself, all the meetings, assignments, revisions, trainings, jam sessions, hall events, shoots, you name it, i probably did it in january, maybe i should have taken out the revisions out to make more time for the other stuff, NOT :p

sometimes i really hate myself for wanting to do so much and not being able to priortize. i know some people find it hard to believe that im doing so much that some of them think that im talking big, i don't blame you guys, sometimes i take a step back and look at what im doing in life, i don't believe it myself either. haha.

february now, still busy, but at least i have a bit of breathing space now, im left with 1 IHG event after a tremendous result at touch and a result on the opposite end of the spectrum for basketball, now i just have to concentrate on my assignments and my long awaited photo exhibition which all of you guys who are reading are coming for!

hope feb will be fine~

Inconsolable

2009-02-06T02:46:00.003+08:00

the scene of me making that last 3-pointer right at the buzzer but still losing by 1 is going to replay in my head for a long while.

something unthinkable actually happened, losing IHG Basketball in the prelims. seemed like something that's not possible considering our squad. guess that's why almost everyone is in an inconsolable mood now.

i didn't even realize that this is my first update in more than a month. it's been a really hectic, or rather, frantic month full of school work, photo exhibition work, trainings and shoots. glad that everything is settling down now already although im getting myself into a very big project very soon. but the monetary return might just soothe the stress that's going to come when i start that project.

more updates on a later date. time to sleep and watch the scene on repeat in my head...

2009

2009-01-01T23:23:00.003+08:00

happy new year people!!

new year's eve was quite a quiet affair as all of us didn't really feel like going out, so we just decided to stay in hall to chill and drink till 7+ in the morning. we found a new staple food for our drinking sessions - hotdogs cooked in boiling water. it's easily to cook and tastes pretty good on its own even without any sauces.

ben got really drunk admist all the drinking, we had to drag him back to the room and hurl him onto the bed. i had to hurl profanities at him to make him stop trying to get out of bed to go wherever he was planning to go in his drunken stupor. he realized later in the day that he busted his face from god knows what and chipped half of his front tooth. we suspect that he fell off the bed halfway through the night and face planted into the ground.

went for the new year hat tourney after sleeping for 4 hours, as much as it might sound like a bad idea, it turned out to be quite fun. although during the first game, with all the alcohol still in my system, i was sprinting up and down the field, and when i finally came to a stop and cooled down, i felt like i was going to faint anytime. as fun as it is, it's not exactly a very good idea to play when you're stoned and tired from a night of drinking.

some new year resolutions:

study harder (almost seem to be on the list)
work on photography
do more freelance jobs
stop procrastinating
workout more to prevent recurring injuries
get a 24-105mm L

made some "motivational" posters using some of the photos that i took last weekend at the ultimate league:

i have no idea how much trouble im going to get myself into when i see them during league on sunday, but oh well, i guess they're fine with it as long as people find it entertaining. haha! (sorry google and hayden :p)

as you can see, this post is kind of incoherent and the reason for this happening is that im freaking tired right. im pretty much just typing in whatever i can remember now before i knock out on my new mattress. sealy mattresses are good, i feel my lower back getting better already. hah. so much for trying to make a coherent post.

have a good year ahead guys!

Yes Man

2008-12-26T01:28:00.003+08:00

watched "Yes Man" with the usual suspects yesterday and it proved to be much more interesting than i expected it to be. some people might say that this show is pretty similar to "Liar Liar" but it's pretty different in a sense that this show's not over-the-top and i guess we can all relate to it in our everyday life. it's definitely one of jim carrey's best show in a long while (number 23 was pretty good too though)

saying yes opens up opportunities. i must say that i totally agree with this, although you weigh your options and priorities to what you're saying yes to instead of just saying yes to everything that comes your way like how carl did in the show. if the opportunity that comes your way would not hinder your original schedule or affect some things that are important to you, you should say yes, even if it's something that you only have a little interest in, you'll never know what you'll get yourself into (although it's not all the time that good things will happen).

a lot of times we dwell too much on the outcome of an activity even before we engage into it (aka thinking to much) and being brought up in a largely conservative environment doesn't help this cause. people tend to think of the worst case scenario when presented with an opportunity that they didn't expect or foreign to them. it's sort of like predicting failure even before you start on something. or the other kind of person would try to predict the permutations of scenarios that might happen depending on his/her actions.

it's during the times that we think too much while deciding to do something that we miss a lot of opportunities, be it learn a new skill, meet new people, gain new things, or even a chance to know a girl that you like better. even if you're who thinks alot, it would really help to not think when deciding and you can ponder what you've done after you've actually done something instead of trying to thinking of what would eventually happen and end up not doing it.

the only pitfall of this is not knowing when to say no (no man no man no man no man), like how carl didn't know how to say no to the old lady (gross).

so why did i end up writing this after watching yes man. i was talking to anand about some stuff when i was driving him back. the conversation kind of intrigued me as i thought about the movie and how it could happen in our everyday lives.

all i can say is that when making a decision, just do it first and think about it later. even if it's a project, it might turn out bad or not as well, but at the end of the day, you'll definitely benefit from it, somehow some way.

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T00:27:00.002+08:00

Merry Christmas!!

pretty quiet and uneventful christmas eve for me though. i can't remember the last time i've had a quiet christmas eve but it ain't that bad.

nonetheless, hope everyone will enjoy this holiday season! :)

RNDMNSS

2008-12-22T23:31:00.007+08:00

pretty bored right now, so i decided to make a random picture (and 1 video) post. oh yeah and results were just realized. nothing good or too bad. looks like my CAP's not going anywhere anymore. oh well..

douglas sucking a big ass can of heineken

cock.. i mean.. poppycock anyone?

this is how a cute roadkill should look like

the don't study want party gang

a very old video that we made for stephen 4 years ago

and not forgetting to wish everyone a merry christmas!!

Rag Doll

2008-12-19T02:39:00.003+08:00

i know in the last post i said that i virtually ran out of things to do after i finished all my exams. life can be a bitch sometimes, after being "bored" for a while, im really freaking busy right now.

IHG (inter-hall games) is an important part of a hostelite's life as it is the pride of the hall and especially so in a sports hall like the one that im in now (temasek hall). being a slut, i have to do all the sports that i like, which turns out to be 4 sports (basketball, touch rugby, handball, track).

so far, out of the four, only 2 sports have started intensive training and i already have 2 trainings like almost everyday. i can't imagine what my training schedule will be like when all the sports go full steam ahead.

as much as i would like to train very hard for each sport, my body feels like a rag doll in recent times. it all started out with a back problem i picked up in HK after one of the ultimate competitions almost 3 months ago, then because of the back problem i hurt my knee and i got an unrelated injury on my bicep tendon after a knock during a league game, i can barely raise my left hand above my left shoulder after basketball training just now. the feeling of not being able to go all out really sucks.

i really just hope this body of mine can recover amidst the abuse it's still subjected to and make it in time for the IHG.

Excitement in Boredom in Freedom

2008-12-08T15:09:00.002+08:00

the past week has been pretty boring and exciting at the same time, boring cos of the fact that we've virtually exhausted the list of things to do while expending the least amount of money. we're all in hall, being bored, tired of playing of dota and just hanging around thinking of what to do.

we were just sitting around and ruing at that fact that we didn't break the lock to the rooftop of discreetly. the hall office found out about it and ended up chaining and pad-locking the gate to the rooftop. i guess boredom drives people to do the strangest things, we decided to break the lock again, so that we can drink on the rooftop again.

we tried an array of tools, scissors, metal rulers, an even bigger scissors to no avail. we suddenly thought of all the tools used of the hall float and we managed to get a big ass metal cutter from the room and the lock was at our mercy. before we know it, we were drinking at the rooftop with sofa sits, candles, music, chips and drinks until almost 6am.

drinking to 6am was pretty much a bad mistake for me because i was suppose to meet up with the guys and lecturer from my photography module at 10am the next day to check out the photo gallery that we're going to have our public exhibition in feb.

the gallery owner walked us through the gallery, explaining how we could use the place and the place is just fantastic. it's really getting me excited about the whole exhibition already and i volunteered to help out with the publicity (what's new?) of the exhibition, so be prepared to see a lot of promotions of the exhibition when the date gets nearer.

i need to head out to shoot some stuff soon. it's calling out to me.

Revamp

2008-12-02T21:25:00.002+08:00

hey people, i did a mini revamp of my site to accommodate my portfolio for my freelancing stuff so now the address of the blog has been changed to:

http://www.egomy.org/blog

do change your bookmarks (if you bookmarked it, if you haven't this might be a good time :p) or whatever. and do give my portfolio a look and point anyone that needs freelance work done to me :)

Karaoke Party

2008-12-02T13:37:00.002+08:00

as you can see, im extremely free these few days now that my exams are over and my friend just introduced me a site called karaokeparty.com.

everybody should go try. it provided me a few hours of mindless fun just singing the songs, regardless of whether i can hit the notes or not. think we were so loud while playing the game that we would have woken up the dead. haha

Shake It Off

2008-11-30T22:33:00.002+08:00

just went i thought i managed shake off the back injury that i picked up in hong kong 2 months ago, i managed to strain my groin and hamstring in my first training in 2 months.

it's really quite frustrating for me because it seems that i've been constantly injured for quite a while already and my game is just going downhill because of all these injuries.

usually even when im injured, im still able to push myself into playing very hard but it seems like my body is refusing to act that way even when i try to push it. robin and mondster were telling me in hong kong that i look like i was holding back on my game during the competition.

maybe it's just my body refusing to get injured anymore..

5 am

2008-11-25T05:30:00.002+08:00

i have no idea why im still awake at this time, i suddenly feel awake after studying and i just don't feel like studying anymore... so i decided to do something that i haven't done in a while...

recorded 2 songs, slide by goo goo dolls and geek in the pink by jason mraz. both are not that good, i'll record a better one soon. i guess. haha

ps: val, is this interesting enough for you? haha :p

Blah

2008-11-24T21:11:00.002+08:00

*phew* there was a bit of a downtime for the site due to some bills problem. i get kinda edgy when this kinda things happen.

yes, i've been missing for a very long time. life's been through a pretty bad patch lately, hence the hiatus. went to hong kong for an ultimate competition, came back injured, then everything started going downhill for me in life. might be because of the niggling injury caused a substantial amount of morale to do things to vapourize. i started ruing on the fact that im injured, taking one too many fags and just laze around, not working on my injury, or rather, not working on anything at all. not a very good idea considering that it was so near to my submission week and reading week (which is now).

the only takeback from all these things is the fact that i suddenly realize that i have a lot of time on my hands the moment i took a breather from ultimate. it'll be a good thing i guess, im starting to feel a lot more refreshed and i think im ready to start again (provided that my back doesn't aggrevate again).

got my first photography job for a christmas dinner through my sister and im pretty excited about it. makes me wanna take time of studying and do some preparation for the event, BUT it'll have to wait, i have a good feeling about my results this sem and im not risking it.

and yes, i'm doing photography, anyone who needs to engage a photographer or has friends who needs to, please point them my way. my online portfolio is still in the process of construction, so for the time being you can look at my portfolio here:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/egomy/

ok, back to studies!

Stewie's 2 Girls 1 Cup Reaction

2008-10-14T05:06:00.002+08:00

this is hilarious, stewie's (from family guy) reaction to the viral video "2 Girls 1 Cup" video that's been around for quite a while:

- Click here for more blooper videos

haven't seen 2 Girls 1 Cup before? just google "2 Girls 1 Cup" video and you'll find it, im not posting the link in this post because i don't want to be responsible for the scarring of your mind. so if you actually googled it, you did it on your own accord. haha :p

28..

2008-10-12T23:42:00.002+08:00

.. is not my age. sorry to disappoint you people, but im much younger than that. haha.

anyway, that's the number of hours that i was awake for from friday to saturday and it left me barely alive after that. even fell into a slight fever in the middle of the night and left me half dead when i was at training today.

night cycling on friday night was fun as of every year and we did crazy stuff to one another as usual (actually just to joanna and tim at times), how many times in a year can we act like we're fighting with each other at glutton bay and hang someone upside down over the railing of the singapore river.

this year's route was much better than last year, more straight roads, less uphills and longer eating times. really makes it relaxing that the "training" route that we had last year which made our legs feel like jelly by daybreak.

i left east coast straight after we reached the destination (east coast, duh.) and headed straight to seng kang for SMU's Ultimate competition, Grab Huck Score. this is also the event that chalked up the number of hours of me not sleeping. i had half a mind to let the competition slip because i was too tired and i pretty much had to play 95% of the points. but looking at how much effort everyone was putting in, i thought we'll just go all the way.

had to play the other NUS team in the quaters, we lost but the other NUS team went on to win the whole competition, which was still good although i didn't get to play in the finals (or rather, a good thing that i didn't play, i can't imagine the state that i'll be in if i played). i've got a very good feeling about the whole NUS Ultimate this year, people are enthu and hardworking, we've got quite a potential team this year. hopefully it'll turn out well.

Hotel 626

2008-10-10T15:25:00.002+08:00

my friend just showed me this site that's pretty interesting, apparently it's a viral marketing site for Doritos. take a look at the link here:

http://www.hotel626.com

oh, forgot to mention that you can't access the site from 6am to 6pm.

Real Early Post

2008-10-07T06:27:00.003+08:00

it's insane that i'm still awake right now, this is my 3rd night in a row that im sleeping after 4pm and it's totally not helping that i've stuff to do at night till late. someone asked if i was busy with work. well, i AM busy with work, just not school work and it's really worrying. i really have to stop playing DOTA after clearing all my hall stuff and actually do some school work. it's about time to start revising my work.

on another note, was at sentosa for a beach tourney over the weekend and it was pretty tiring, came back with a semi-swollen ankle (old injury), a graze, cut on my back and pretty pissed off. pissed off at the fact that the filippinos that we played against in the tournaments were so much faster than me. haha. i'm not pissed off at them but myself, seems like im still not as fast as i want to be, it's giving me more motivation to run more. it's always a joy to play with the filippinos in any Ultimate Frisbee tournament, they're all really fun and friendly people.

pretty glad that i played in the tournament with an "all-star" team, it's rare to play with experienced players from different clubs and countries in one team. and i really have to thank jason for showing me how it is to be playing with heart, something that i've think that i've lost over the years and perhaps to a certain amount of laziness as i become more seasoned. reminded myself of the days when i just started playing, i made up whatever i was lacking in skill with heart and just played really hard. i haven't been able to do that in recent years and it felt good to be doing it again. now to make sure that it stays that way.

will leave this post with a photo montage of the singapore flyer that i made for a part of my assignment:

check out the full assignment here if you're interested to see more:
http://www.egomy.org/triggerhappy/2008/10/assignment-4-urban-fantasy-1.html

Gripe Post

2008-09-25T03:12:00.002+08:00

sometimes i just really think that im asking for it. woke up this morning and had quite a bad case of diarrhea. in the evening, after i had finished a pickup game of ultimate in school and ready to leave for wala with the rest of the guys, i suddenly felt like puking (and stomach still feeling queasy). got to wala, ordered a beer anyway, didn't finish it and i actually met up with the guys from hall at wine bar where it was freaking cold and i couldn't resist drinking (as usual). halfway through, i started feeling feverish and achy, i had this coming the moment i was at wala but i still went on to do what i did and im suffering the consequences now. aching and feverish.

it sucks when your body is not exactly fully intact and you get the body aches, because all of your injuries will start hurting and frankly speaking, there's not a lot of parts of my body that are still out of harm's way. haha.

medicine. sleep. hope i can study properly tmr. roar.

What the Duck

2008-09-20T20:10:00.003+08:00

stumbled upon this very cute comic strip a while ago called "What The Duck":

yes, it's a geek photography comic, sue me. for more, click on the image or go to http://www.whattheduck.net

Need To Buy

2008-09-16T03:31:00.002+08:00

i need to buy something very urgently.

can anyone of you sell me some if you have some to spare??

i need more time, anyone can sell me theirs? leftovers also can. i really don't mind even if it's second hand. hah. i just realized how short of time i am for the sem already. i've like a shitload of backlog assignments and on top of that i still have trainings, band pracs and everything.

if there was a panic button somewhere in my room, i would be frantically pressing it right now. mashing the button til it's broken. argh.

i n e e d m o r e t i m e. . . .

time to reprioritize all my things. studies and assignments will have to come first. yes guys, not even ultimate is going to get in the way... at least for the next 2 weeks, after im done with my mid-terms, i'll be back to my nonsense again.

but oh well, that's another trouble for another time.