A Yankees Fan living in Boston

SOMETHING A MASSHOLE CAN NEVER SAY!

2009-11-12T10:27:00.001-05:00

HEY MASSHOLES... SUCK MY MOTHER FUCKING WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP BALLS!

2009-11-06T07:54:00.003-05:00

It's over this great season of Baseball has come to a close. And guess what... THE YANKEES WON THE WORLD SERIES!! It's my first time living in Boston full time that the Yankees are a world champs, and boy it's the best feeling in the world! As a Yankee fan I have always known I am already a better person than most people, that's just a Yankees' fans credo, we are the best team and we are the best fans. Red Sux fans just don't realize that, and they never will, and man, does that make them mad, mad as hell!! So yes, I did wear my Yankees blue yesterday and today, and no matter how many dirty looks I get(and there are quite a bit), I don't care, this shield of World Champions for 2009 just blocks all those MASSHOLES that wish death upon me, SUCK IT BITCHES!!
This Yankees team got nothing but bashed before the season and in the beginning. I remember ESPN saying they can't win with Derek Jeter, he's too old... Look I can go on and on about those bastards at ESPN, but it doesn't matter, I don't watch it anymore since getting the MLB channel, I suggest you do the same.
For now I'll just gloat as much as I can, because nothing pisses off a MASSHOLE more than the Yankees winning it all. Actually nothing pissess off a MASSHOLE more than being a Yankees fan living in Boston...so I'm pretty muched fucked! But it's worth it!!

FUCKING MASSHOLES!

2009-10-18T18:31:00.004-04:00

The Ftheredsox offices get tons of letters/emails from Yankee fans daily. The most requests we get are usually from visiting Yankee fans or translplanted ones to Boston, and they always want to know where a Yankees friendly bar is. We repeatedly tell them... THERE ISN'T ONE. And this past weekend really drove my point home.
I have been living on and off in Boston since 1993 when I was in college, but since 2000 I have been here full time and the events that I will describe to you really make me consider if I should continue to live here. As it says in Ftheredsox's mission statement, "I love the city the Boston", but this weekend I was embarrassed to say I am a resident.
I joined some friends for drinks at a popular bar on Friday night, I was very hesitant to go out because it was game 1 of the ALCS, but I was convinced to attend because I was told the place will have a bunch of TV's on and you can watch it there. Needless to say the bar was airing episodes of "Family Guy" instead the entire night, no Yankees game. I took it in stride, members of the Ftheredsox community were sending me score updates so it wasn't so bad, I ducked out early anyway to catch the final innings, ok, so they weren't showing the game at one bar, dissappointed, yes, but life goes on. Saturday night was basically the same routine, friends were going out, asked me to join, I was reluctant, but was familiar with the bar we were going to and knew it had a lot of TV's and it showed sports all the time, so I went. WHAT A KICK IN THE BALLS THAT WAS!!! No game! I said to myself,I'm not taking this anymore, I need to see this game, they have at least 10 TV's in the joint, give me one at least. Now, I admit I shouldn't have drank so much when I broached this subject with the bartender, but it just happened, I snapped. I said to the MASSHOLE slinging brews behind the belt to turn the Yankees' game on, it's the playoffs. This fucking R-less motherfucker looked at me like I just asked him to play the sex tape he made when he was molested by his parish priest. "EEERRRRRAAAA you's fuckin crazy, no Yankees at this BAAAAAAA" I said come on man, it's the playoffs, just turn that one on, and I pointed to a TV that was facing the bathroom door in the corner of the place. He said, "NO". I asked again, he was getting pissed, and glanced over to his manager some little pip-squeak at the other end of the bar. This wanna-be mobsters just shook his head and closed his eyes. I remember he closed his eyes when he did it, and I was like what the hell is this? I felt like Bonassera in the Godfather asking for justice because they beat my daughter like an animal. And this fucker was like that is not justice, you can go to any other bar and watch the game!! That's when I started to raise my voice a bit and may have called the bartender a dick, I can't be certain. Next thing I know Bobo and JoJo the bouncers were standing behind me asking me to leave. So I left, no incident, was able to get home for the last couple of innings anyway.
But COME ON MAN! They would not show the game because it was the Yankees, that was just bullshit! For all you Yankee fans living outside of Boston, how would you like that? Go to your local bar to watch the game and they shut you out! That's what I go through everyday up here.
I tell you, I don't know how much longer I can live in Boston.

Hey PAPEL-BLOWN, your Irish jig lessons start next week!

2009-10-12T18:17:00.005-04:00

Well, well, well, look what we have here? No Baseball in Boston anymore for the rest of the year!WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I was at a birthday party for a friend's daughter yesterday, the kid was turning 8 and it was a great day...until! I'm telling you, the day was going great, lot's of people having a great time, the MASSHOLES (which I was surrounded by) were coming in and out of the house updating everyone at the party on the score of the game, really getting their hopes up. "Oh when the Sox win today, they will win the next two ballgames" You know that type of stuff. Then within about five minutes the joyful party for an 8 year old turned into a crowd of people waiting outside a hospital room because that 8 year old was just in a horrible car crash. Everyone waiting outside talking to each other how everything would be alright, then Dr. Papelbon delivers the news... the child was dead! Oh, this poor child taken so young, nobody could control themselves, the mother passes out, the other guests start to argue with the doctor, it's chaos. That was exactly how the afternoon went yesterday, and for me, it was Glorious!
What have I been saying over and over? PAPEL-DOUCHE sucks! The Sux are a push over and they finally proved that yesterday. What I thought was so poetic, was that the greatest closer in Baseball history Mariano Rivera pitched last night, and pitched perfectly. That's how you close a game!
Oh Boston, the city is quiet, not just quiet, more of a colossal band of people leaving a funeral that just ended at the gravesite. You know, you all walk away, not saying a word, nodding your head to other guests, but just wandering away with your head down, not wanting to say a word, just making your way back to your car and driving away. The people of Boston are in that car right now, just hopelessly driving, forgetting exactly where they are going, but thankfully the car in front of them has their headlights on leading the way.
For a Yankees Fan living in Boston... HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!
YOU FUCKING MASSHOLE, FAIR-WEATHER PIECE OF SHIT FANS, YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED, YOUR TEAM WASN'T THAT GOOD, YOU SIGN WAGNER THINKING HE WOULD BE YOUR HELP AND LOOK HE SUCKED IT UP FOR YOU AND THEN HE TOOK DOWN PAPEL-TARD WITH HIM. WAGNER IS AN EX-MET, THAT SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU SOMETHING. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Tuna Melts, Frozen heads and of course, MASSHOLES!

2009-10-05T13:55:00.003-04:00

FrozenTeddySticks

The playoffs start this week, I'm not really worried about the Yanks, I mean come on, over a 100 wins, best team in Baseball, hands down! The Sux on the other hand will not be getting past the Angels, I repeat, the Sux don't get out of first round. The Sux are basically just a push over, and the Angels will realize that this weak, and then Red Sux County will soon realize they are following a pathetic team made up of sub-par performers.
A good friend of mine Nick Turturro has a show on MLB network where he talks about his love for the Yankees, it's a really good show. In it he talks about how the Red Sux players just "look" like they belong in a Red Sux uniform. He's so right, I can't imagine Varitek, or Pedroia, wearing another uniform, they just look like Red Sux, which in turn means they just look like MASSHOLES!!
By now you've read all the articles about Teddy Ballgame's head, I added a link in case you haven't. I was never a fan of Williams, sure he was one of the greatest hitters to play the game, but he was a major league douche bag. And you're telling me that guy in the article that is described as taking a whack at the head to dislodge it isn't your protypical MASSHOLE? Yes, this place is in Arizona, but I can see that same thing happening right here in Boston....

Locaton: ALCOR Labortories East, South Boston, MA.

Scene: Two lab technichians enter the labatory and notice there is a problem with one of the products.

Sully The Lab Tech
"Dude, I'm tellin ya, dat darkie sitting on da corna beggin fa change was da
Reverend Desmond Tutti"

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"Come on man, ya fuckin nutz, dare is no way dat was Tutti, he looked morrr like
dat guy from da show Homicide, ya..."

Sully The Lab Tech
"HOLY SHIT BRA! what happend to da Splinta's head? It's frozen to ya tuna can"

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"Goooddd Dammn it! I was going to make some tuna lata, I just put da head on top
because I opened da can, but wasn't hungry yet, so I wanted to keep the top shut
now look what happened, Teddy Ballgame's dead head is frozen to the da can! Oh, my
Ma is goin' kill me!

Sully The Lab Tech
"Now wait, we can fix dis, what da ya think would be moooorrr fitting to da Natural
after getting youuurr head frozen to a tuna can? huh? You's guessed it, knock dat
motha off like you was hittin fungos!

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"AW Jeez, you's right, he'd be proud to get dis-jarred like dat, wouldn't he? Oh, jeezz, you betta do it, those 14 beers we had at lunch aint' helpin me none, ok?"

Sully The Lab Tech
"Ok, you's right, I had 12 beers at lunch, so I am definately mooorrr soba than you's is. Give me dat monkey wrench will ya, now stand back and watch how it's done!"

The Lab technician takes two swings before hitting the target and on the last swing he finally connects with a shot that powers the head clear to the other side of the room. Both men jump around giving high fives to each other...

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"You's did it, bra! Ya did it! Dat fucka never stood a chance, ya whacked dat clear
ta Somerville. I tell ya bra, I ain't never been more's proud of ya"

Sully The Lab Tech
"Thanks man, I tells ya, that was probably da single greatest moment of my life,
I mean, I actually got to hit Ted William's frozen head just like he's did all dooos
years ago wit da baseball, I feel like a 100 bucks! I know somewherrraa up in heaven
Old Teddy Ballgame is watchin me and saying, nice hit kid, you done me justice by
using a monkey wrench to knock my head clear off a tuna fish can so we can put it
back in da freezerrrraa for storage, today you are a ball playa!

Pauly The Lab Tech #2
"I am so proud of ya man, I really am, now I think saw Martin Luther King's head
stuck to can of olives downstairs, let's knock da shit out of dat colored guy"

I see you MASSHOLE

2009-09-07T20:57:00.001-04:00

I recently got an email from the good people at Google Blogs and they told me they had reports that my little blog here was a "spam" blog! They sent me a form to fill out to verify that it wasn't and said that should take care of the misunderstanding, but if not, my blog will be shut down in 20 days! WHAT WHAT WHAT?
It seems MASSHOLES have learned to read and use the internet, because that's the only group I can think of that would do such a dastardly act. Talk about hitting below the belt, huh?
Not too wory my loyal fans, at this moment the entire staff of Ftheredsox are sitting down to watch movies such as "Braveheart", "We are Marshall" and "Rocky" for that inspiration to keep going. Then we'll pop in "Fever Pitch" and "Good Will Hunting" for that know thy enemy bullshit!
No folks, we are not going anywhere, we've been around for a long time now, well almost five years, but in Blog worlds that's like 15 years.
Lastly, I don't think it's a coincidence that I get a warning email just after I post something about our friend Cunt Schilling. I think old Cunty's finally had enough of us, especially with his Senate race coming up, he won't be able to deal with the media coverage we give him. Oh, and you can bet we already filing for press creditials just to be on the safe side when he hits the campaign trail.

They may take our blogspot, but they can never take... OUR FREEDOM!

F-MASSHOLES!

Ode to Fall in New England or Hey Sully, dem leaves is turnin da color of ma's sauce!

2009-09-04T08:39:00.001-04:00

The city is quiet. It’s September already, parts of New England are turning color, the nights are getting shorteeerrrraaa, and the MASSHOLE is getting drunkeeerrrraaa!
With the Football season on the horizon, the talk is more about Brady and Pats than about Big Retardi and his bad at bats. Schilling tried to make some noise by talking of a Senate campaign, but he was wearing his ketchup-soaked sock, so he’s just plain insane. The Yankees have the American League East sealed tight, but don’t say that to loud to Sully in Eastie, because he’ll beat if you’re not white. Papel-douche is barking because Wagner wants his chair, and every night he pitches I laugh at his retarded-gay stare. The Boston sports writers are doing an about face when it comes to writing about the Yankees’ future, and last night I think I saw Varitek making out with Ashton Kutcher. No, the city is quiet now, more than years past; I guess they realize the Yankees will always kick their ass.

F-Big Retardi
F-Papel-douche
F-“C” wearing Varitek
F-Tito Francona
F-Southie
F-Belmont
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Ted Williams’ son’s frozen head
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Lynn and the ballplayer too
F-Senator Schillbag
F-Yawkey Way
F-Super Jew Theo
F-MASSHOLES!

Senator Cunty!

2009-09-02T22:54:00.003-04:00

Senate hopeful of the day: Curt Schilling - Local News Updates - The Boston Globe

Do I really need to say anymore about this? Our little Ketchup wearing Blabber-Mouth is at it again! God I would love if he ran, it would be so entertaining, because this guy is a moron, a moron Alice!

I can see him on the campaign trail wearing a suit with a big ketchup stain, or kissing babies and pouring ketchup on their head, you know of course he'll be getting big campaign contributions from Heinz Corp.

Forget about it Cunt Schilling, you're out of the spotlight, you saw an opportunity to open your fat trap, your blogs been weak for a long time and your video game making sucks, you have no life. So just tip toe back into your garage, clean your gun collection, call the black people that work for you "boy" and continue to watch video close ups of the ketchup stain on your sock.

Thar She Blows... A Jim Rice sighted off the starboard bow!

2009-08-21T21:24:00.004-04:00

Jim Rice, when I was a little kid I was scared of Jim Rice, he was this huge guy that used to hit the crap out of the ball. But now he's an old man that thinks because he's in the HOF he can run his mouth when he wants to. Recently this blowhard was speaking to little leaguers at the little league world series and he was preaching about teamwork and role models. He blasted Manny and Arod, but then in the same breath mentioned Derek Jeter about players playing for a paycheck and not the game or the team. WTF JIM? Clearly he's lost his mind and should be put out to pasture with Johnny Pesky, I mean come on man! And I'm not the only one, more than half the discussion boards in Boston had those Massholes supporting Jeter and blasting Rice for his comments about him. You know things are bad when I'm glad to hear the point of view from a Masshole.
So for now Jim, just keep your trap shut, sign your autographs, go fishing and slowly sleek back under that rock you truly should be inhabiting.

Rumor has it that Jim hit's the bottle from now and again, also he supposedly had a child with Bernie Carbo's wife, plus he said daily novenas that Jerry Remy's cancer would come back, and just recently he went up to Vermont to spit on gay couples as they came out of the church after they were married. I mean this guy is just a bad person. So I encourage you to spread these rumors about Jim, because I'm sure they are almost close to being accurate!

Hey Joe Posnanski... You're a Cunt!

2009-08-20T13:42:00.002-04:00

Have you ever heard of this wahoo? I have seen his name whenever I read the baseball page on SI.com, but never really read anything he wrote. Until the other day when he wrote an article about Jeter being "Underrated". Now it's true, I agree with him, for years all people have been saying is that Jeter's getting old, he doesn't have it, his numbers keep slipping, he can't field, yada-yada-yada! But I did a little more reading because like me this Joe Punk-naski has a blog(I've been around longer). I went back and read some of his drivel, all this guy does is bash Derek Jeter! I have yet to read (except for his recent crap) anything positive about Jeter, for a couple of years now this Joe Bitch-naski has been trashing him. But now, Jeter's having a REALLY good season and all of sudden he's Underrated, yeah he's underrated because of you Joseph! That would be like me all of sudden saying how much I love Jon Papelbon(noticed I didn't say Papel-Douche, because I love him now) or how David Ortiz is a stand up guy and Manny Ramirez doesn't smoke the pole or crack. NO, I wouldn't say that, it wouldn't fair to you the reader, and I would seem like a pussy, which is what this Joe Wahoo is.
Now I know it has nothing to do with Boston, this guy is from Cleveland but in a way it does, because this city has the biggest Band-Wagon jumping fans in the world and that is exactly what this Joe guy is... a big PHONY!

I made the prediction last time the Yanks and Sux played, I believe I said the Yanks would sweep, go back and read it. This weekend... SAME THING! YANKS SWEEP and finally put the nail in the coffin!

Hey buddy can you spare a hitter, how about some bullpen help?

2009-08-09T23:18:00.003-04:00

Obviously those first 8 games don't mean SHIT!

6 1/2 games BITCHES!

Attention all Bullies! We have found your next target, engage!

2009-08-05T11:08:00.002-04:00

Greetings! I am finally back in the states! I can report the story now since it’s all over the news wires, I have been held captive in North Korea for the past few months. I want to thank President Clinton for his efforts on our return home. I was over in Korea doing a report on Kim Jong who is a die hard Red Sux fan. What got me caught and put into prison was that I uncovered a story that Kim Jong is a silent partner in the Red Sux ownership. Not wanting this news to leak out, Larry Lucchino ratted me out to the North Koreans and I was clamped in irons! Unfortunately all my notes were confiscated so I don’t have a full report to give. But I’m back home and let’s get down to business.

I was watching a Sux game the other day, well just the beginning, because the games are so boring I can’t get through an inning of it. I happen to turn it on when they were announcing the starting lineups. On NESN the Sux channel they have these little kids read the starting lineups for teams. Now these kids are probably between 7- 10 years old but already you can see what raging homos they are! The little Freddie Mercury loving kids read the lineup but they do it in the GAYEST way possible. They pretend they are showing respect for the players so they read the line up as this. “Batting first for the Red Sux, Mr. Jacoby Ellsbury, batting second, Mr. Dustin Pedroia, batting third, Mr. David Ortiz, batting fourth, Mr. Mike Lowell, batting fifth, Mr. Kevin Youklis… etc, etc. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!! Putting a Mr. in front of everyone’s name to show how cute we are and how we adore these guys. Oh those poor children!

Someone sent me a shirt recently in the mail, it was a plain white T and the shirt read “Roid Sox”. I loved it! Oh how the hearts of so many members of Red Sux County have been broken, I just get giddy! In 2003 after these players were tested they were told that they tested positive. So for the past 5 or 6 years these players new they tested positive for PED, how bad does Big Retardi look after his rant in the pre-season? I believe the monoker Big Retardi is very fitting, and you laughed at me when I gave him that!

Big series this weekend with the two teams, what will happen? Yanks haven’t beaten them all year, Sux feeling pretty confident, huh? I’m not worried, Yanks sweep!

Mariano Rivera saved his 100th game last night in 104 chances, that’s just crazy!

F-Big Retardi
F-Kevin “The Chin” Youklis
F-Dusting “Mr. Masshole” Pedroia
F-The Jimmy Fund
F-Jerry Remy’s Kid (Oh, yeah he was busted for steroids while he worked in the Sux clubhouse!!!)
F-Southie
F-Eastie
F-Brookline
F-Belmont
F-Worcester
F-Lenox
F-Billerica

Get used to it Red Sux County, because this is your recent history!

2009-07-30T13:20:00.002-04:00

Oh what a MASSHOLE!

2009-06-16T14:54:00.001-04:00

I am trying to pull myself away from the boob tube for a few minutes and jot down some thoughts concerning what else, douche bags! First, with the recent election in Iran, I was having a hard time telling the difference between Iran and downtown LA…Bada bing, thank you, I’ll be here all week, don’t forget to tip your waitresses! Of course just as I’m reading some hilarious Twitter reports from people in Tehran I see an article that was just updated stating that Kevin Youkilis just went ahead of Mark Texieria in the All Star voting, by a whopping 1100 and change!! Are you kidding me? Who is the cunt that wrote that article? The span of 1100 votes in All Star voting lasts almost as long as it takes Jonathan Papel-douche to name his favorite Jerry Spinger show… Which we all know he loves to ramble off… “I’m 50 and I slept with an 18 year old amputee with tourettes syndrome”. By the time you’re done reading this article I’m sure the vote will be different.
As you know I don’t like to stray off topic, which I usually never do, but I want to mention Artie Lange’s appearance on the Joe Buck show on HBO last night. Maybe I’m not straying off topic by much since Mr. Lange is huge Yankees fan. What is Joe Buck doing hosting a show on HBO? And what are Paul Rudd and Jason Sudekis(sp) doing on there as his first guests? Ok, the show did get a lot of press just as it started because he interviewed Brett Favre, but then ESPN stopped watching. But talk about a bore-fest! Artie is crude, rude and speaks his mind and doesn’t care about offending anyone. He is just what that show needed, a good kick in the ass. All those Politically Correct people out there, and I’m sure that’s my core demographic, should take a chill for a second. If you’re like me you felt so bad for David Letterman last night when he made that apology to Governor Palin, again PC. On CNN the ticker that goes by underneath the screen said, “Governor Palin accepts Letterman’s apology but admits changes should be made”. WHAT CHANGES! We need people like Lange and Letterman and FTHEREDSOX… to toot our horn!
Speaking of Douche Bags, the other day I was ranting about The Douche or to some of you The Eck for Dennis Eckersley the ex-pitcher and now announcer for the Sux. He is our new champion now that Cunt Schilling is old news and Big Retardi is washed up, but I want to mention something about Dustin Pedroia, the second baseman for the Sux. How did he win the MVP last year? Ok, he’s got talent but he’s no MVP. I was watching the game the other day and watching him closely, well not that close, but I was in the South End at the time (Bostonians know what I mean). Pedroia is the proto-typical MASSHOLE, and I don’t even know if he’s from New England, but his look embodies what every male MASSHOLE goes for in a look. He has that gay goatee, or part of one on his face, you can tell he’s got a little Napoleon complex due to his size and the jewelry he wears while playing. You see every Douche Bag MASSHOLE male between the ages of 17 and 42 wear gay douche bag jewelry around their neck because they think it’s cool or hip. It usually consists of some type of hemp or seashell necklace that’s tight around your neck, most of the time they wear two of them. I see why he’s a fan favorite, because he is the face of Red Sux County, not because he’s a good ballplayer, but because he is the embodiment of MASSHOLE-NESS across the land.
So to sum up, TWITTER has some funny things being posted by Iranians, Lange and Letterman are funny people and Dustin Pedroia is a true MASSHOLE, thank you.

Softball, rain and The Douche!

2009-06-09T21:35:00.005-04:00

The Yankees/Red Sux series is underway and I have to say without a doubt that Dennis Eckersley is a total douchebag. I’ll be honest I always thought he was ever since his days with Oakland with that gay hair and mustache, but after listening to him do games he really is a douche. Our ole buddy The Rem Dog is out, he’s be battling cancer for a bit so we wish him the best(you see, I have a heart). In his place is Eckersley, the Eck or The Douche as he is now called. I don’t want to talk about him anymore; he’s just a total douche!
Burnett just didn’t have it tonight, he sucked, and Josh Beckshitt was really good. The weather doesn’t help either; Ftheredsox had their first softball game of the year and let me tell you, it was no fun playing out there. (We lost 14-0 by the way).
I want to veer off the path a bit and mention the Baseball Draft. WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE BASEBALL DRAFT! They are pushing this thing so hard, it’s laughable. It’s not like football or basketball where you will see those guys the following year; in Baseball you won’t see this guy for at least a year and usually more. In 1990, I think it was the Yanks signed Brien Taylor this young kid who you thought was the second coming of Cy Young. They paid him a shit load of cash and the bastard didn’t even play! He ended up getting in a bar fight or something and ruined his career, so I don’t really pay attention to the draft at all since then. It does show you how great Baseball is though, how it the hardest sport to play, and I love that about it.
I need to mention Big Retardi though, he hit a homerun, though to be honest my Ftheredsox softball team could have hit Burnett tonight and again, we lost 14-0 tonight. Now the Big Retard is hitting above .200 I think, maybe .203 with a wopping 2 homeruns, HAHAHAHAHA!

F-Jackie
F-Beckshitt
F-The Douche
F-Big Retardi
F-Burnett
F-Tito
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Eastie
F-Southie
F-Massholes

Big Retardi... the new Satchel Paige!

2009-06-07T23:19:00.004-04:00

Hopefully this will be my last post concerning the bashing of Big Retardi... but I doubt it! Apparently there is a scout out there that reportly said that Big Retardi is probably older than he says he is. It's like Satchel Paige who pitched until he was like 48 or 54 or 59, no one never really new.
Here's the story snip-it from SI.com.

8:26 AM ET 06.07
The theories on David Ortiz's descent are plentiful. They range from physical (he never recovered from wrist and knee injuries), to strategic (he misses Manny Ramirez batting behind him), to mental (he's got no confidence), to visual (he said he plans to get his eyes checked), to pure speculation (he's older than his stated age of 33 or he's no longer using steroids). "The chances of his birth certificate being accurate are zero," the scout said. "That's both birth certificates. Remember, he was David Arias [when he played in the minor leagues for] Seattle." Whatever the reasons, the results have left Ortiz and the Sox on a quest for a solution. Manager Terry Francona and hitting coach Dave Magadan have searched for answers in the batting cage. The early prognosis was Ortiz was not getting his hands back into a hitting position quickly enough. When that fix didn't work, Francona gave him some days off to relax. When that failed, Francona dropped Ortiz in the batting order from No. 3 to No. 6.

Like I've said before, whatever the case is... he's done!

Hey Four Eyes...

2009-06-05T10:50:00.002-04:00

I wasn’t going to comment, I figured the guy’s had enough right? I am talking of course about Big Retardi, his woes at the plate are just awful. Like I said its old news by now, he’s done, fork! But I was reading an article in ESPN about Big Retardi and I had to mention something about one of the comments a person left at the bottom of the article:

• CHillout1016 says:
June 5, 2009, 9:33 AM ET
As a Sox Fan it pains me to see Ortiz go through this. I personally just think his bat slowed down. It happens! It's going to happen to every player at some point. It's to bad it happened to him so early. I would have liked to see another 2 good years out of him. But really Mr. Ortiz, (oh the pain to say this) it just may be the time to go. However, for as long as you stay, I will cheer you on just like any other sox fan at any at bat you take. Even if it means you strike out, fly out or ground it with 2 men on and 2 outs :(

Sorry folks, I think I pasted the wrong comment, this comment looks like it’s straight out of “Cock and Balls Weekly”, I mean, Hello Frisco!
What? You mean this is the actual comment from ESPN, WOW! Well, now do you agree with me? Red Sux fans are gayer than a French Horn!I love in the article where he calls him Mr. Ortiz, come on, Mr. Ortiz, GAY! The second to last sentence is probably the best, “However, for as long as you stay, I will cheer you on just like any other sox fan at any at bat you take”. GAY! You know what I think? I think that Sux fans would feel better about themselves if they booed a bit. You see folks, the Red Sux players take you for granted, they know whatever they do you will always have their back. They see Sux fans as the ugly chick with the ok body that will put out at any time of night. Sux fans are the ultimate “Booty Call” for Pedroia, Varitek, Bay, Drew. They know they can suck it up like nobody’s business and you’ll always love them, pathetic.
Here’s my solution… START BOOING THE MOTHER FUCKER! That’s right, Big Retardi can’t hit anymore, BOO HIM, he laughs too hard at a joke, BOO HIM, he talks to much to reporters, BOO HIM. Maybe then he’ll see that he better get back on the ball and start working harder.

The buzz up here is that Big Retardi is going to the eye doctor because they’ve pretty much exhausted every reason why he sucks this year. I have a few questions to ask if I may… When the eye doctor asks Big Retardi to read the letters off the chart, can he do that? Also, how many times do you think it will take Big Retardi to get his chin just right on that machine that you look through? I mean the guys hitting .178, I’m sure he’s going to be slipping off that thing left and right. A couple of years ago I would say that the machine to test your eyes would be too small to hold the huge head of Big Retardi, but now since he’s off the Juice, or he’s got Swine Flu or the Hivvy, it shouldn’t be a problem right? I myself have never worn glasses in my life, my whole family did, but I was fortunate, so I know what Big Retardi is going through. The taunts he’ll endour from the other ballplayers will probably be awful. Ballplayers can be so cruel, can’t they! I was always petrified if I got glasses what people would call me, you see it was the 80’s and making fun of people with glasses was common. So the other day I conducted a test, I walked around for a day with glasses on, and let me tell you, the insults were worse than I could imagine. I lasted about two hours with the glasses before they were actually torn off my face and I was punched several times. My hat that I was wearing and my shirt were torn off, and it sucks because I just bought that Jeter jersey and a new fitted Yankees cap… That’s the last time I wear glasses at Fenway

You hate us so much don't you? You MASSHOLE!

2009-06-01T22:44:00.003-04:00

Another reason MASSHOLES hate the Yankees...

18 Games without an error, breaking the 2006 Red Sux's record!

Since they obsess over it in April we'll talk about it a bit!

2009-05-30T12:09:00.001-04:00

MLB Standings, Pro Baseball Standings, Major League Baseball Standings and Team Records - ESPN

Manny Ramirez To David Ortiz: Road Trip

2009-05-28T19:18:00.001-04:00

I love the Onion...

SOMEWHERE ALONG I-65—Best buddies Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz, both of whom find themselves at professional crossroads and both desperately wanting to rekindle their friendship, decided on Sunday that a soul-searching road trip was the key to resolving their personal problems.

"I called David and I said, 'David! Hey, David! It's Manny. Road trip, man! Let's do this!' And he said, 'Okay,' and now he is with me in the car here," Ramirez told reporters in a cell phone interview while driving on the interstate. "Papi isn't hitting so good, and I'm not even playing, and we miss each other and love each other, and because we play on different baseball teams now, I play on the Los Angeles Dodgers, and he plays for the Boston Red Sox, I think, and we don't get to spend quality time with each other like we did when we played on the same team, you know?"

"Uh-oh, it says Corvette Museum next right. I got to go, man," Ramirez added. "Hey, Papi, do we have any more Slim Jims?"

According to sources, Ramirez pulled up to Ortiz's Weston, MA home last Sunday, a selection of Tom Petty hits blaring from the stereo of his faded red 1966 Ford Galaxie 500 convertible. After embracing each other, a visibly somber Ortiz told Ramirez, "I don't know what's going on with me, man. I'm not hitting the baseball." Ortiz then threw his battered duffel bag in the car's backseat and asked Ramirez where they were headed.

Ramirez responded, "Just get in."

Several seconds after pulling out of Ortiz's driveway, the car's rear bumper fell off and the overstuffed trunk sprung open, sending a food-laden cooler, several bags, and a shoe box marked "fireworks" out onto the road.

According to eyewitness accounts, the former teammates have been crisscrossing the country with no apparent final destination. They have taken pictures of each another in front of the world's biggest hockey stick in Eveleth, MN; the world's tallest thermometer in Baker, CA; the giant fiberglass muskellunge at the Freshwater Fishing Hall of Fame in Hayward, WI; and while dressed in Lazer Tag uniforms at the Fun Fest Entertainment Center in Harmarville, PA.

While both Ortiz and Ramirez have spent the majority of their trip laughing and reminiscing about when they were the most feared hitting tandem in baseball, their journey has not been without its serious moments. Ortiz reportedly made Ramirez spit out human growth hormone pills in a Motel 6 bathroom in Columbia, MS, and then forced him to flush the rest of his steroid-filled syringes down the toilet.

Ramirez and Ortiz also got into a shouting match in Abilene, TX, when in an attempt to reinvigorate Ortiz's passion for baseball, Ramirez tried to make his best friend watch a Little League ball game.

"You said there would be no baseball," said Ortiz, refusing to leave the car. "I hate baseball. I can't hit the baseball. You know that. If you care so much about me and baseball, why you leave me? Why you leave me by myself in Boston, Manny? Why you do that? Why you act so bad? Boston's a good place."

"You need to deal with that, man. You need to come to terms," Ramirez said. "I never going back to Boston. But, man, look at these kids. This is baseball, man. Little kids having fun and not injecting themselves with steroids and women pills and just stepping up there and hitting the ball. You gotta face it, man. We gotta face it together."

"Everybody's left me, you know?" Ortiz responded, tears streaming down his face. "You left me, Pedro left me. The only one who doesn't leave is Jason [Varitek], and he don't talk to me. He don't talk to anyone."

Witnesses at the scene said that, as the two sluggers cried in each other's arms, Ramirez and Ortiz's attention focused on the Little League diamond, where a player had just hit a walk-off home run. Ramirez whispered to Ortiz, "That is like you in the playoffs, man, but bigger. Remember that? You just go up there and hit the ball. You don't need to think. You're Big Papi. You go up there and be Big Papi."

Ramirez and Ortiz were subsequently sighted exiting a Terre Haute, IN 7-Eleven store wearing Indianapolis 500 baseball caps and brand new neon-orange sunglasses.

"The bigger one kept asking if he should get the hat, and the other one said he would buy one if [Ortiz] did," 7-Eleven cashier Kip Petrun told reporters. "They must have tried on sunglasses for 30 minutes."

"Before they left the parking lot they argued over whose turn it was to pick the music," Petrun added. "I'm pretty sure they settled on that song 'Life Is A Highway,' because they both started singing it at the top of their lungs. I think they said they were going to Nebraska to pick up their friend Pedro something."

The trip reportedly culminated with Ramirez taking Ortiz to a batting cage in St. George, UT. Though Ortiz missed the first several balls, Ramirez told Ortiz that he knew he could do it, and that even if they were no longer teammates, they would always be best friends. Ortiz then began hitting ball after ball, the last five of which hit the "home run" net.

"I can do it. I can hit the baseball again!" Ortiz yelled as he and Manny pointed at each other. "And you can hit the baseball without taking steroids, Manny. I know you can. Hopefully I can, too."

During a tender moment at the Grand Canyon later that night, tourists said that while seated on the hood of their car, Ortiz placed a blanket around a shivering Ramirez and told him, "You're my best friend, man. You're my best friend."

The car's hood then caved in, sending both players into a fit of hysterical laughter

The Sun Shines on Retard's ass every once in a while

2009-05-21T11:29:00.002-04:00

To say our legal system is unfair is to call Don Mattingly a mediocre hitter. Sorry for the absence folks, but Ftheredsox has been fighting a legal battle for sometime with Sports Illustrated writer Selena Roberts and we finally won. She was trying to publish a scandalous essay in SI about us and we just had to prove her wrong, so we’re back!
First things first, Big Re-Tardi hit his first homerun last night… HE'S BACK! WE’RE SAVED! Was the cheer from those suburban sexuals at Fenway last night. Sorry folks, but he ain’t back. You know when you’re cooking a turkey and the outsides get cooked faster and it takes more time for the middle inside to get done? Well that’s Big Re-Tardi, but in his case the timer is almost up and that little pin in the bird is about to pop up!
Secondly, the NY Metropolitans are in town this weekend for a series during inter-league play. I want to stress this to every New Englander out there… The Mets and their fans are nothing like the Yankees, you can’t even compare us, these two teams are totally different. So to say, “Oh the New Yorkers are in town this weekend” is just horseshit! The Mets play in Queens, their fans are gay, and their players are even gay-er! I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again to some of our new readers out there. In 1986 I rooted for the Red Sux in the World Series, that’s right folks, I cursed Buckner, I cheered Dave Henderson, and adored Bob Stanley… well maybe not adored. Yes, I hate the Red Sox more than Hitler, but I guess I hate the Mets more than… Hitler, Himmler, Goebbles and Eva Braun together! If you’re a Yankees fan you hate the Mets and their gay fans, it’s a simple fact of life. So please, even though every news station in the Boston area will be covering this series closely, don’t put the Yankees in the same sentence when mentioning the Mets.

F-Jackie
F-Santana
F-Beltran
F-Wright
F-Reyes
F-Big Re-Tardi
F-Papel-douche
F-Varitek
F-Bay
F-Drew
F-Pedroia
F-Yawkey Way
F-Eastie
F-Chelsea
F-Dorchester
F-Southie
F-Pesky
F-Ted Williams’ dead Kid

He just starting taking Steriods now????

2009-05-07T12:47:00.003-04:00

Dear Manny Ramirez;

Thank You

Sincerely,
Alex Rodriguez

I don’t need to go into this too much, but did he just start using when he went to Los Angeles? I know Manny is half-retarded, but did he just take up shooting roids and not do anything when he was in Boston? I guess he is stupid because as you can see Big Papi stopped using them, but Manny thought he could get away with it. Oh Manny, we hardly knew …. Wait a minute, we knew this the whole fucking time, he’s RETARDED!!!!

F- Southie
F-Eastie
F-Brookline
F-Ted Williams’ frozen head
F-Johnny Pesky
F-Dana Farber
F-Jerry Remy (yeah I said it)
F-Tito Francona
F-Big Retardi
F-Papel-Douche
F-Super Jew Theo
F-Yaz
F-Fisk
F-Rice
F-Dennis Eckersley what a dick
F-Tek
F-Yawkey Way

These Blue-Bloods party like it's 1892...

2009-04-25T19:26:00.003-04:00

I can't take this for another 16 or 17 games, however many we play against each other! I hate FOX, the Yanks never do well on FOX and like everyone else they hate the Yanks, which I've come to accept. What's funny is that David Ortiz has become a medicore player before our eyes and the Sux fans can't accept that. I am just waiting for the first person to boo him, it will probably make every Boston news station! I can see them interviewing the guy that does it, he'll probably be some proto-typical MASSHOLE that is so wasted and it will turn out he thought Youkilis was up and he was chanting "YUK". But come on already, it's so early in the season to be this crazy about this series. Even the blue-bloods where I live in Beacon Hill are into the action. Though try having a conversation about the game with them is like explaining the importance of safe sex to some drunk Irish MASSHOLE!
In case you haven't noticed I'm updating during a game, I never do that but the weather is so nice I decided not to leave my apartment today and instead am watching without sound from a darkened apartment wearing a NY hat turned backwards in case someone is looking in.
Cano just homered, good for me, he's on my fantasy team... of course!

Sure we'll shill for the man from time to time....

2009-04-24T09:55:00.003-04:00

Are mail has been piling up since the move and we just read this from one of our
F-Reporters, you should try to get down to Borders and see the Ole Bern Baby Bern!

Bernie Williams

Album: Moving Forward

Date: Friday, April 24, 2009

Time: 12:30 PM

Location: Borders – Downtown Crossing (10-24 School St., Boston, MA); 617-557-7188

Bernie Williams has wowed audiences both as a NY Yankees star and critically acclaimed jazz guitarist / songwriter. Here is your chance to meet one-on-one with the famed entertainer as he celebrates the release of his latest album ‘Moving Forward’. Due to his limited time with us, no memorabilia will be allowed in line and a purchase of the album at Borders must be made prior to entering the line. See store for details

So long Big Papi... Hello Big Retardi

2009-04-23T15:37:00.003-04:00

That’s it; I have finally had enough of David Ortiz. I used to be a fan of his, but since Manny left he feels he has to be the new sound-bite for the club, unfortunately it’s turned into a fucking book on tape!
HE DOESN”T SHUT UP!
And what he says, I mean come on man. He get’s the props from the media because they look at him like the gentle giant, fun loving to everyone; he’s basically an ambassador of the game.
I’m sorry but its Saigon, 1968, time to get to the fucking chopper!

Have you heard his latest rant?
Here are some nuggets; On Joba Chamberlain throwing at Kevin Youkilis:
“None of that, man- just play the game the way it’s supposed to be, and that’s about it. This is a guy, as good as he is, the next step for him will be to earn respect from everybody in the league. He’s not a bad guy, but when things like that happen, people get the wrong idea”.

Play the way it’s supposed to be played Oritz said, like sticking Human Growth Hormones in your ass daily? Come on Big Retardi, you’re talking crazy now. And there he goes with that “respect” thing again, what’s the big deal about respect? And to say that to an opposing pitcher before a game, I am in shock that a Major League Ballplayer would say something like, really.
If I was Joba, I would fucking plunk the first batter I see on Friday night, what do you think about that Big Retardi? Can you believe that, an opposing batter dictating something like that to a pitcher?
Hey Big Retardi, keep talking, because you can’t hit for shit anymore!
Outside of our offices at Ftheredsox we can look out at Fenway and see all the preparations going into the series coming up. I mean the bums are starting to congregate, the toothless scalpers are marking their territories and the crew from Eastie is on their fifth sixth pack already. It’s going to be a good weekend, the weather is supposed to be in the 70’s and 80’s just perfect baseball weather. I think I may wear my Yankees hat this weekend… in the confines of my apartment with the lights out and the shades drawn bitches!