LINDSAY LOHAN'S EMACIATION PROCLAMATION

I'm getting a little fat I think

2009-06-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

YOUR WEEKLY THINSPIRATION

2009-03-20T16:58:00.001-07:00

YEAH....just wanted you all to know I'm skinnier than you. Kthxbai.

THE RUMORS OF MY ARREST/ADMITTANCE TO REHAB/MANIC DEPRESSIONISM ARE GREATLY EXAGERATED, EXCEPT THE CANCELLATION OF MY TWITTER ACCOUNT. THAT IS TOTALLY TRUE

2009-03-16T16:46:00.001-07:00

Wow. Where to start. Big weekend. Crazy weekend. A weekend I'm sure i'm not going to want to have again for as long as I totally live.

First of all, Sam and I are going strong. I love that lesbian so much i want to beat that cute little hat off her head and mold it into a heart that I wear in place of one of the freckles on my chest.

Yeah, I might have gotten again and thrown a few things, but whatevs. Who doesn't do that from time to time. We all go thru pain, we all go thru life and if you're going to bring it the way I do most days sometimes this stuff just happane.

Live life, live strong, and sometime it will go wrong. Don't sweat the small stuff, sweat the the stuff that you really want to sweat - it means the most. To each his own.

ALSO ---- NOT IN REHAB. NOT IN JAIL. Tho that would be hilarious it didn't happen. Can you even imagine me in jail I don't think it would work. No, it totally wouldn't that would TOTALLY SUCKS. OMG sam would be so jealous of me staying in a jail full of all those girls. ...

Oh yeah, they took away my Twitter account. @lindsaylohan is no more. @fakelohan is my game now and if they think i'm fake before than this one is where i will keep it real reals. no doubt. So pissed that they took it away but whatevs this one is going to be betterrrrr.

love & laxatives,

LL

LINDSAY LOHAN'S INTERACTIVE ROOM MY INTERACTIVE ASS

2009-03-11T18:03:00.001-07:00

FYI FOR THE RECORD THIS IS NOT MY ROO0M IT IS FAKE. THESE PEOPLE ARE BUTT-BITTING LIES AND THIS NEEDS TO BE TAKEN OFF THE INTERNET....

MY "ROOM"

whatevs.

Friends

2009-03-06T12:06:00.001-08:00

Can you name all the cokeheads in the picture???????????!?!?!?!?!?!

Why doesn't anyone every call her a crackhead?

2009-03-06T10:36:00.001-08:00

I don't have a beef with Miley Cyrus but can somebody please tell me why nobody ever calls her a crackhead like they do me all the time? look at this skin? look at those goddamn lips? sure, i might be skinny but it looks like their our two homeless midgets fighting in her lips and i'm sorry but It's not really attractive to me at all. she is always sooooo shiney and and when I see pictures of her all I do is yell TEETH TEETH TEETH and want to punch my computer screen. She's giving Hillary Duff circa 2005 a run for her money. Damn.

I know this is mean but come one. If you're going to make fun of me with all your hate and ridicule just remember that there are other people in this Hollywood world like look far worse than i do.

I'm not saying tht you all should make fun of them i'm just saying that look around and don't waste all your time on me because I do not even look nearly as a quarter as bad as these two Teeth Queens.

Just getting really frustrated here I thought my madonna photos would be a llittle more well recepted than they have been but people seem like they don't even care anymore instead they just look at Miley running and those boob photos and jee whizzz. it's like they no longer see my boobs any more. SORRY, WORLD! I'm trying to lose some weight! My boobs get smaller. Deal with it. Ughhhhh...frusted.

oh...don't forget to follow me on twitter, slutbags.

L

what do you call a funny elephant on roller skates?

2009-03-04T12:27:00.001-08:00

HAHAHA...

Jesus my veins totally suck

2009-03-04T11:44:00.001-08:00

Madonna is one of my idols and that's why i did this photo shoot of my dressing up like a Virgin. The one thing I hate about my arms and LOVE about Madonna's arms is my total lack of veins. To me, veins are a sign of life and strength and my willingness to achieve anything in this world no matter what....when i get depressed, i often look at the veins in my wrist, along my arms. when some people look at their veins they think of cutting them. ending everything. for me that's never an option because to me they are beautiful, even when I feel that i'm sometimes not. I'm getting off the subject here.

I want Madonna's veins like now. BIG IS BETTER (when it's not your waist)

Oh pleazeeeeeeeeee

2009-02-25T11:49:00.001-08:00

I didn't intend to restart this blog again. I thought it was dead, and maybe it still is -- alive dead -- just like my feelings for my dad, my career and just about everything I've ever known these past few years. Yeah, it's been hard.

You all have been a-holes, you guys. All of you. Can't trust anybody, even my fans it seems. Whore, Bitch. Cocaine slut. Beef-eating salami rejector. I've been called it all and it just makes me sad. You guys used to love me, and now you can't wait to see what nasty things you can say about my life and gf.

So, I don't know if i'm gonna post here anymore. Enough of you bastards are following me on twitter, so i just wanted to give you a what's what's up over here and let you all know what i'm up to.

First of all these skinny rumors. Yes, i'm losing some weight again. Look at the above picture. I think I look pretty sweet....a little chubby around the love handles, but I think I look pretty good. I'm trying a new diet...not the one that made me so feircely anorexic in the past.. .this one is designed to maximize the size of my boobs while keep my waist down to almost nothing.....prolly going to look pretty hot once i'm done losing another 15-20 lbs. what do you think? this stuff is exhausting but my trainer has put me on some wei8ght loss drugs that he got from somewhere...super celebrity grade stuff that us peeps get ....so we'll see how it works. i dunno.,

Second, S.R. what's your obsession with us? why do you care? don't look at us if you can't stand the site of me holding hands with another dude....samantha means the world to me and i know that you'd all feel the same if you even found love in your own lives just like mine. you're just all reflecting...you're reflecting your life on mine and you don't like what you see but let me jsut tell you that you're wasiting your time. Get your own life or l ike RiRi...LIVE YOUR LIFE.

SPEAKING OFF.....

CHRIS BROWN YOU ARE A MARKED MAN I HATE YOU AND SO DO ALL MY FRIEND, S IS NEVER GONNA DJ AT ONE OF YOUR PARTIES EVEN YOU GET ME MORE WEIGHTLOSS DRUGZZ XOXOX

also,

dad you're a douchebag.

love and laxatives,

L.L

testttttt!!@@##$$$%$%

2009-02-25T11:48:00.001-08:00

Just to let you know...

2008-01-24T14:12:00.001-08:00

Yes, I might stop doing drugs. I might throw in the toll. Someone close to you dies and a lot of things go thru your head. I don't want to be rolled out of a loft in a body bag, live on TMZ.

Yes, I'm a drug addict. Love, sex, rock n' roll. Cocaine. Grey Goose. Penis.

Love it all. Love it. Love it. Love it.

A lot of you are saying I'm gonna be next. Or Britney. Or Winehouse. We're wastes you say....but you have no idea.

The funny part is we're going to outlive you all. It's the quiet ones that die. The ones you'd never expect. That's the fun part about being a celebrity. You realize how stupid the general population is.

TARA REID IS LOOKING BEAUTIFUL AGAIN

2007-12-03T19:03:00.001-08:00

Just an FYI to all you fatties out their fitting the Cottage Cheese In Your Ass Monster. If a drunk like Tara Reid can drop twenty pounds of Vodka, then you can too. All you have to do is 1) stop drinking and 2) stop eating.

Remember: Showing off your ribs is always sexy. So much more sexy than showing off rolls. I should know, I have rolls now. But in the good places: boobs.

So yeah, congrats, Tara. Here's to losing more weight!

Congratulations Lily Allen!

2007-10-09T14:32:00.001-07:00

Congratulations to Lily Allen! She's less of a fatass these days after being hypnotized to believe that she doesn't have to eat anymore. I'm just wondering if they can hypnotize her into wearing a different style of dress...she wears the same crap all the time it seems. Maybe I'm going to have to come out with my own clothing line...

But first comes healing myself...and my new bf...oh, you didn't know i met someone in rehab?

hehehehehe......

HOLY FAT AMERICA BATMAN!

2007-09-19T18:04:00.001-07:00

Hey, peoples. Just flipping through my trash mags here at rehab (yes, we have those things) and I just saw a picture of Ugly Betty at the Emmy Awards. Yes, indeed she does look rather good these days.

But did you know, my anorexic-obsessed readers, that Ugly Betty used to be fatter than she is now? Behold the Fatness of America Ferrera!

OH CHUBBINESS!

EXCUSE ME, HOLLYWOOD? How did you even let this girl into your shiny gates? How did she ever get a movie part looking like this? It's amazing that they even had a camera lens wide enough for her entire girth. Damn.

But look at it this way, she's skinnier now (not skinny, just skinnier) and now she's Ugly Betty. When little girls ask me advice on how to get into Hollywood, the first thing I say is lose some frickin' weight. Hollywood execs when to see colar bone and pelvic bone during an audition. It helps if you have boobs, but nothing is sexier to this execs than seeing a girls ribcage in all it's glory. Some might think this is disgusting, but look at all the marketing dollars being thrown to all those calvin klein ads you see everywhere.

skinny is always in. always. it's never going to go away. and sure, i might have bulked up a bit in the last year, but i'm never NEVER going back to my old eyes. stab my eyes out with a spatula if I ever become as fat as Ugly Better...before or after she was fat.........

WHAT BRITNEY DID....

2007-09-11T16:33:00.001-07:00

Thank you, Britney. You just created a new generation of anagirls. Your fatass has officially done more wrong in this world than your music.

Something that made me laugh today...

2007-09-05T09:31:00.001-07:00

That dood who made the matrix....well...he's now a faggy little girl....

This is just disgusting for some reason. he looks like a freak. Not sure how anyone would want to work with this guy....i mean, does he stick his penis between his legs or soemthing? grossssss!!!!!

STATEMENT FROM MY REHAB PLACE SOMEWHERE IN UTAH

2007-08-23T16:38:00.001-07:00

It is clear to me that my life has become completely unmanageable because I am addicted to alcohol and drugs.

Recently, I relapsed and did things for which I am kinda ashamed. I broke the law, snorted some drugs, drove drunk, flashed my privates, chased one of my assistants through Santa Monica in a fit of rage, and today I took responsibility by pleading guilty to the charges in my case. No matter what I said when I was under the influence on the day I was arrested, I am not blaming anyone else for my conduct other than my dad and mom. My little sister is also to blame. She's a showoff. But I thank God I did not injure others. I easily could have.

I very much want to be healthy and gain control of my life and career and have asked for medical help in doing so. I am taking these steps to improve my life. Luckily, I am not alone in my daily struggle and I know that people like me have succeeded. Charlie Sheen Nick Noltie, Babyshambles...these are my rehab heroes. Maybe with time it will become easier. I hope so.

XOXOX

Lindsay Lohan

It's time to celebrate....

2007-08-22T09:41:00.000-07:00

The popo is not going to charge me with shoving cocaine up my nose, at least for that time that i crashed my car into a tree.

As I result, today I am celebrating here in Utah. My rehabilitation mates and I are throwing down, sober-style in the social room. You're invited as long as you're already here, or come during visiting hours.

And to that paparazzoozo who's trying to take pictures of me from across the street:

Hayden Panetteireieree just turned 18, go bother her for awhile.

xoxox

Lindsay Lohan

I Gotta Find My Own Way

2007-08-14T16:06:00.001-07:00

Wow. Thanks for the response to what I should do with my life guys. I thought most of you would jsut call me a stupid skinny bitch and that's it. But it turns out that some of you actually pretty smart...and caring. ...like Thomas who wrote:

Dudes, give the girl a break!

And Lindsay, when I'm in trouble I always say to myself: "there are always people who are worse of than me" and when you think about it then you realize it's true... Just turn on tv and watch the news. And then you feel like "hey I'm not that fucked up after all, I can do this!" Try it and let me know :)
Greetz,

Thomas
A worried fan from Belgium

That's so true. There are people that are a lot worse off than me. Lots of them. Britney Spears. She's a freaking mess. That fatso's got more problems that Katherine Heigl's ass. Amy Winehouse? She's a total freak. It's not enough that her teeth are snagly...she OD'd this weekend and now she's in rehab. I've never OD'd as bad as she did...at least I look good....I always used to tell me friends that it never matters how much of a wreck you are...just look beautiful. And I think I look pretty good.

I mean, look at this Maxim cover shoot I just did...

Now look at Amy Winehouse.....

Who looks like the drug addict now? I'm doing awesome compared to this chick.

Also, who is this Anne Hathaway actress? People are saying that she's like the julia roberts or something. Gay. She's so boring it seems....I've never seen her at Hyde or any other club...so she must be a nobody...plus she's fat. look at this pictures of her in a bikini....

Dear Anne Hathway -- get a tan, lose some weight, then maybe people will like you.

Love & Laxatives,

La Lohan

P.S. UTAH SUXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS IS WHAT BEAUTIFUL IS TO ME

2007-08-01T10:58:00.001-07:00

Those zero inch arms....

That zero inch waste...

Angelina is a zero.....

And I think zeros are beautiful....

STARTING OVER AT DAY ONE

2007-07-25T00:31:00.001-07:00

I'm counting from zero again. The zero. Is that me? Am I a zero? I am a zero.Intoxicated by the madness. Emptiness is loneliness and loneliness is cleanliness and cleanliness is Godliness and God is empty, just like me.

I need some advice from you guys. I need some help. I'm stuck here and I don't know where to go. What should I do next? If you were me, what would you do right now? Where would you go?

I've been spinning for such a long time. But spinning in the same place, going nowhere. I know where I am. I know that people like me. People tell me I'm a big deal, but I feel nothing. I just feel empty, thoughtless and so damn tired. The spinning doesn't feel like it's going to stop any time soon.

I don't feel like killing myself...but I'm not gonna lie.. I've thought about it before and it justs seems so easy.

I need a change. I need something to happen. I'm asking for your help:

If you were in my position right now, what would you do?

RUMORS OF MY RELAPSE ARE HIGHLY EXAGGERATED

2007-07-24T12:08:00.001-07:00

Not my best moment for sure. And what's up with my little pig nose????

Trying to get some sleep...will post more tonight after I git rid of my shakes....

This Is What Beautiful Looks Like to Me

2007-07-19T16:29:00.001-07:00

Ally Sheedy looks amazing these days! Why, it was only a few years ago that she looked like that fatass in this photo.

Look how much weight she's dropped! It's like she's almost a total hottie these days! I do think she could just loose just a couple more pounds in the face and arms, and then she'll look just perfect. Just perfect!

Girls, I know it's the middle of summer...but you only have a few more weeks to make those bones show and finally get the guy of your dreams.  Nobody wants to bang a fatty -- trust me. Since being out of rehab I've only had like 12 one-night stands. Such a low number for this time of the summer.

Who's iPhone Do I Have to Stuff Up My Freckled Vagina to Get Some Cocaine Around Here?

2007-07-12T18:06:00.001-07:00

Dear Friends & Family Who Know I'm Out Of Rehab,

I get it. I went to rehab. I get that I'm not supposed to be doing drugs or drinking or engaging random sex. But do you all really have to look at me that way?

Ever since I've been home people -- mostly my friends, families, and agents -- have been looking at me weirdly. Everything I do, they're looking at me...asking me things...constatly. I get up in the middle of the night to take a crap. Are you alright they ask?

I start to shiver because I'm a little cold and my friend asks if I need to go to the hospital.

I get my period the other day and my little sister asks whether I need to go to rehab again because I took an IBprophren (spppp?).

I go to sleep just a little to late and wake up even later --- my agent is making my iPhone convulse.

People -- I'm fine. Take off the kid gloves...really. I love you all (except my ahole sluthole motherfudger Dina), but i'm gonna do fine on my own.

In other news, I want to smoke crack.

JUST KIDDING!!!!!

It's the cocaine that I want. I want it for reaaaaaaaals. Like now. Like bad. I'm thinking of it right now. As I type this. I can hardly type. Each letter I type looks like a line of coke that's getting longer and longer. And it's making me want more. If I delete anything it only  makes me want it more.

It's weird. I'm out of rehab for less then a week and I want to do more drugs. I said it was over. I worked out every day. I tried really hard, I really did. But there's this voice I hear, it's in my head. It tells me things. It whispers things, and it won't go away. It tells me to do things. Bad things. Things like drugs, alcohol and stupid stupid sex. It tells me to barf on demand, look good in this bikini and that bikini. Blog. it makes me write this stupid blog and for what? So that when I die you all are laughing at me for what I wrote? So when you read this you can decode this whole thing and say, "See, it's all there. She had a death wish." Maybe, just maybe you're correct.

And I know my rehab counselor is going to kill from writing this. But i have to be honest. I'm not on drugs right now, and I'm probably not going to be on them tonight.

But damn, I still want drugs bad. Will this feeling ever go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

I am so not a coke whore!!!!

2007-06-28T12:43:00.001-07:00

In between my Pilates class and a tricycle stroll in Malibu this morning I heard reports that my toxicology reports came back from the place and there have been traces of cocaine in my bloodstream.

I want to set the record straight: Like Paris Hilton, who finally admitted to never taking drugs in her life, I too have never taken drugs. I've never seen a joint. I've never snorted blow off Aaron Carter's penis.

I have been living a lie.

I used to think it was cool to tell people I like shoving cocaine up my nose and vagina. But no, it's not cool. Drugs are bad. They're bad stuff.

And why am I in rehab if I've never used drugs?

Because I'm doing research for a movie i want to make about what's it's like to be famous in Hollywood. Plus, I like being by the beach.

"But Lindsay" you're probably saying, "What about all that blow the cops found in your car?"

It's wasn't mine, plane and simple. It must have been my mexican gardner. I'm sending him back to Mexico.

And the toxicology report that came back saying cocaine was in my blood? More research for the movie. If blowjobs don't count as sex, then putting cocaine inside your nose for a movie isn't really "doing cocaine."

Later sluts,

Love & Laxatives

LL