Cro$$ing Over, cRo$s3d

Books and Words

2009-11-10T17:46:00.004+08:00

Trepidation. Apprehension. Excitement. Blur blur. Gladness. Just a rush of words.

I finally got hold of my own 'Redeeming Love' by Francine Rivers. When I read it the first time at the Whittle's, I could not put the book down. Read for 7 hours straight, went to bed and woke up to it. Finished it under 20 hours! I think. Then moved on to the next title that Stephanie had, but for the life of me I cannot remember the title of that one, also by Francine Rivers. I devoured her books.

So why did I get myself one after reading it once? I just love it. This year, for the first time in my life I've done that twice! Which makes this the second time. I don't ever believe in buying a book if I've read it somewhere but these two are worth it! Somehow they came flying to my hands. Hahaha...The other one is 'Sex.God' by Rob Bell. Contemporary, and modern style of writing. I bought 2 of these by the way. Gave one away. Oh, bought one 'Desiring God' by John Piper for a friend. I seem to be loving book giveaways...hmm...I wanna hoard an entire library of books! But I don't want books that I don't read or have never read.

I can't wait to go again. Need to breathe, realign and get my direction right. I am already on the right track.

Constipation of words and feelings. Numb. Wondering. Blue blue. Beauty. Brightness. I don't know what I am mumbling about. Love me. Hah!

gracey

Inspired by the inspired

2009-10-21T13:51:00.002+08:00

Everything that is pure and lovely and worthy of thinking about and worthy to be remembered.

friends. wine. children. my bed. Desiring God. Kopi-O. Mich. journals. flowers!. clean sheets. colourful sheets. forests. cycling. outskirts. Staphorst. international train rides. planning for escapes. backpacks. lilies. Ivy. Egypt. New Zealand. slums. balloons. dresses. white. bacons. caesar salads. Redeeming Love. life. songs. dances. silly faces. Raindrops. cycling and walking in the rain. spices. smell after rain. beaches. Hai Peng coffee. hokkien mee. I Will Be Here. Amsterdam. London. Paris. Utrecht. Apeldoorn. cannals. good-looking men. jokes. toilet stories. tomyam. Lion King. DTS. eggs. roti bakar. cheese. champagne. Choisy Le Roi. Te Aroha. Crystal. Auckland. Luxor. Istres. Melbourne. Perth. hiking. night walks with daddy. Lily. Matty. Ruth. Jason. hot food. curry. nasi lemak. kampuang. kompiang. drums. saxophone. Kemaman. Lekor. dreams. weddings. hugs. kisses. warmth. encouragement. exhortation. God. loveliness. photos. silly pictures. cookies n' cream ice-cream. milka chocolates. hershey's kisses. family gatherings. chinese new year! 'i miss you' hugs. mommy's delicious meals. parks. Marieke. Kim. hills. evening walks. smiles. Monday morning worships. autumn!. spring!. bbqs. honey lemon. warm ribena. working. salaries. deepavalis. losing my way. being found. adventures. Sitiawan. university life. assignments. blogging. memories. moving forward. did I not say friends already?. ACS. 'i love yous'. eating ice-cream in a cold weather. butter cookies. milk powder floats. mangoes. guavas. berries.

and my list is endless.

gracey

Bouncy Meatball

2009-10-12T14:52:00.003+08:00

Thoughts. Precious thoughts and insights. Shared, trampled, stomped on, made into a ball and thrown back at you. How fun is that.

Having real friends mean taking risks. I am risk adverse. I think for now I'll rest at not having made new and real friends for some time. Tis' too painful and too risky when you see a fish/meat ball thrown back at your face but end up hurting your heart.

Letting someone into your life, no matter how little a snippet it is, when not handled with care, makes you give up and not want to try again. God, I'm back at square one. Looks like it's just us and will forever be that way. The room is already crowded with You in it, so I think I'm gonna keep it that way.

You are the treasure, You are mine. And it feels good to say.... I am Yours too. Nothing can separate us, unless I choose otherwise.

gracey

p/s: Perhaps I can write about meatball metaphors one day. Let's get a lappie first whilst waiting.

It's Too Difficult

2009-10-07T13:28:00.004+08:00

It's too difficult.

It's too difficult you say?

(I want to know, but I guess I don't need to know.)

It's too difficult!

Because you're worth it, He says. I love you, and you're worth it.

Now I need to get this. *smacks the head*

gracey

Amsterdam - A Snippet

2009-09-14T04:10:00.002+08:00

Today I walked Amsterdam with Thanja. Persuaded her to walk me to the very well known red light district. You won't even notice you're already there, because I felt that way. The buildings are the same as the other buildings all around Amsterdam and the only difference is that there are signboards indicating the kind of shops there are. Free Porno. Sex toys. And then I wondered about the women. Where are they?

Well...like what many people have said, they stood in their bedrooms, soliciting for business in their underwears. Some old, some fat, some skinny and lovely. I saw a guy who went to ask for a price. Then I became depressed. I already started getting depressed before, but that snapped.

Thanja and I started praying for these women and men. God, how much they need you! It broke my heart to walk through that place, how much it must break Yours when You walked through it. While walking, some men just stared at us girls. Was disgusting how it felt to be stared at like pleasure objects. Yucks! I cannot imagine how the women there are still in the trade and why they do it! They must hate themselves. :(

It was so good to burst out in prayer though. Suddenly felt like we were prayer walking and touring at the same time. Got to the Amsterdam base after, and hung out more. Was so good to see you Thanja! :)

lovin' it!
gracey

Short Note to Keep this Alive

2009-08-30T15:14:00.002+08:00

Been so busy I've not blogged. I find my own thoughts during this time of 'silence' quite negligible, and none worth noting down. There's nothing great that has happened that I think is worth sharing (sounds a little close to morbid huh?) Nonetheless, July - August have been 2 great months of relating and catching up with friends of old, new and .....

Which means I have had little time to catch a breath myself, with myself. Hahaha....if there's such a thing. Finally there is going to be time to do that though, and hang lots with really good friends. That of course, after I get through this busy busy week at work. But it's going to pass by so quickly I don't think I'd have time to notice it.

gracey

I Am Rich

2009-08-12T17:34:00.004+08:00

Time to update.

I scrolled down the things I wrote on my Facebook, and saw the list of things I want to do. And travelling, being one of them.

I look back and am grateful to my Anchor for giving me opportunities to do just that! I know, I end up a papa-kedana (poor person), but my life is rich. Rich not really because of travelling alone, but because of the people in those trips that I meet.

Who would dream that I would see some of my outreach teammates again in this life? And even the random people we met in Egypt when we were doing ministry there with them? And one unexpected meeting with a new yet not so new friend? I never have dreamt any of those. Not at this age to say the least. I have always thought I cannot afford travelling. And I still think so. It puts me back financially, and leaving a job for a training experience has put me back before.

At the rate I am going, I won't have much financially, materially. But I am grateful for the air that I breathe, for the food that I eat, for the room that I rest in, for the sanity of my mind, for the passport that I hold, for the clothes that I own, for the friends that are my own, for the challenges in life, and the colours of life. I am a rich person, I just don't have much to show.

Above all, I am thankful to the One who provides all things, and makes things happen. The One who gives new opportunities, new alternatives, new perspectives with that 1 choice I made. It is worth it even though I do not have much. Just enough to share sometimes. I am rich. ;)

Here's to many more years of open minds, open hearts, new lands, new peoples, unending adventures........................and a rich life.

I am a rich woman. But you can't rob what I have.

gracey

Snakes and Armours

2009-06-29T15:49:00.002+08:00

The weekend has been nothing short of phenomenal. I mean, who would think that I would have opportunities to interact with different people whom I seldom interact with? Loads of things have gone through my little brain during the weekend, and loads written in my journal.

Last night, I had a dream. It was a bad dream. I dreamt that I accidentaly stepped on a cobra's tail, and it immediately came to a 'strike' position. The snake was black on the top and white on the bottom side of the body. It was slimy. I was terrified. The snake tried to bite me twice, but somehow I managed to duck and was safe. Then I woke up.

Whenever I have dreams about snakes, I know I need to immediately pray for protection and covering. Because these dreams are one way God tells me someone is trying to do something to me. So pray I did. Then I went back to sleep.

This morning I felt a terrible low. And was reminded of the functions of the armour of God by Mich. I will be teaching a cell this week on the armour of God. Coincidence? Maybe not. So it's time to live it out according to the Word. Fight and defend the all the relationships in my life, because that sneaky creature wants to create havoc and confusion in our lives. Ephesian 1 - 6 is about Christ as the head and we as the body.

Fighting a battle,

gracey

Low

2009-06-25T10:10:00.002+08:00

I feel sickly. And my colleague is sick. Hmmm...

Just right after my valley word, I am in my lowest week, though I may still come across as okay. Maybe that is why I was pre-empted. Busiest, hardest, most challenging in every way. This is a spiritual battle. Life is a constant tug-of-war in the supernatural for the natural. This week it seems as though the dark side is having the bigger slice of pie, though I am not eating it.....yet.

Patience, and wisdom. That's what I need now. And deliverance.

gracey

Europe and Valleys

2009-06-22T13:45:00.002+08:00

So quickly a month has passed by. This one month, or rather this last week has been my best week this year. I found out that I am heading to Europe early September, to witness my friend getting married, and best of all, to be able to see her again after a year and a half. We have been waiting for this day - to meet again. At her wedding and between being in London and Paris, I will be getting acquainted with firm friends again. These meetings, I believe will be the highlight of my time in Europe.

Knowing that I will get there has lifted up my spirit. God is the amazing orchestrater of the entire trip coming into fruition. I am so blessed.

Yet today is the lowest point in these past 2 to 3 months, perhaps. I guess having a low point is good for me, to take me back into perspective and focus of life and who God is. I am not doing good. And I have not been forthright for some time. Been hiding in the 'maybe' zone. And the person I lied most is to myself.

A deep valley, so deep that the lowest point cannot be seen, a river flowing through it but cannot be seen and bright sunshine above the valley. God is on my side though the tides of life seem to drown me. I will be fine, soon.

gracey

Adam

2009-05-26T12:12:00.002+08:00

Last night was one of my best nights, amongst many nights this month.

Adam is here. Adam, the person who had a share of my thoughts when I was doing my DTS in Perth is leading a team here now. He was my one-on-one (my mentor) with Sharon, and both were very important people to me while I was there. They both knew my struggles, and the things God had spoken to me in that 6 months.

And God brought Adam to Malaysia just when I needed to hear things I need to hear. We caught up last night after I had a good catch up with Lisa. Yeah, 2 in a row. Don't get that often, so seized the moment. As usual, he asked questions, ones that matter to get me into my thinking mode. And we still have more 'one-on-one' sessions to do, okay maybe just one more since he will be busy and I can't see him during the day of a work day. Imagine processing your one year worth of thoughts in a short 30 minutes. Too short.

Adam's 4 years younger, but he never ceases to remind me that there are great young men out there who are mature and beyond their years. He is quite a man. Too bad girls, he's taken. :P He still speaks life into mine, just like before, and does so with much wisdom. It is great to have you here Adam.

gracey

Syok Sendiri

2009-05-21T12:27:00.003+08:00

The chief end of God is to glorify Himself and enjoy Himself forever.

What a syok sendiri God. But think about it. If God is not a happy God, that means the other road He could take is being a frustrated God. If I have a frustrated God, then He is not a Sovereign God. If He is not Sovereign, then the world is outta whack!

So my conclusion is, my God is syok sendiri. It doesn't sound wrong to me. The Bible says everywhere (lots in Psalms) that God does what He pleases. Not what I please. What HE pleases. And because of His obsession with Himself, things are in control. I like that. It really does sound like I am out of whack now. Tell me about it.

On the contrary, if I throw it out there and say I wanna do what I please to glorify myself and enjoy my own person forever, then I risk myself being labelled as a carefree, careless, irresponsible and 'whateverelse that is negative' kind of a person. It doesn't sound that out of whack if you let it sink in that God's sole purpose is to glorify Himself and enjoy Himself forever.

Makes me happy that He is in control and I am not. Makes me happy that He is a happy God, because that means I can be happy too, and He definitely wants me to be happy as well. The circle.

Go grab John Piper's Desiring God. It will keep you awake for sure! So, don't even think about reading it as a pre-'deep and restoring rest' kinda book. This one will definitely keep your mind active.

my mind is functioning.

gracey

A Weekend at the Beach

2009-05-15T14:45:00.003+08:00

TGIF! Hah!

A slow weekend ahead. Much awaited and looking forward to it. Now if there's a beautiful beach with soft black sand, that would make the weekend almost perfect. A book in hand, with chips and lemonade as well as a lazy chair, THAT's perfect. What else can I do? A Nikon DSLR would be fun to have for me to capture the beautiful landscapes of the earth.

All I need now is the perfect destination and a one way ticket. Hahahhaha...That would be one dream come true!

Seriously though, there are many destinations that I would love to visit one day, if my life is long and my pockets are full or God says He'll fund them all! Life is so much more colourful after that first step out of the backyard. I'm not so interested in tour group travelling. I much prefer experiencing the life of a place doing the things that normal people would do.

Dreaming again.

gracey

Christian Hedonism

2009-05-07T21:03:00.004+08:00

Christian hedonism. Well, I learnt this word just this week. John Piper summarised the notion like this, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him".

It blows me away. It takes me more than once to understand the new paradigm that Piper suggests, and argues for. The chief end of my life is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. How does enjoying God even look like? Like me enjoying brownies with vanilla ice-cream? Or like me loving fresh cool air on Mt Te Aroha?

Is enjoying God even 'legal'? You know how God is God and we're not suppose to take Him lightly and all that right? So enjoying Him would seem to be too light, like I'm not revering Him and giving Him the due honour/respect and the like. It seems to be a little too far-fetched isn't it? Enjoy God. How can we enjoy the one who is all knowing and all encompassing? Doesn't make sense we say.

I would like to consider it still. Is this notion for real? Or it's just another argument to please our self-righteousness/selfishness? I want to know.

Too much to digest, too much to rethink and think about. Does it make loving God simpler? I really hope so. It doesn't say too much about God if it doesn't. Yeah, I'm putting this out there.

gracey

The Post Without A Title

2009-04-30T13:38:00.002+08:00

I had wanted to blog something last night. But I have little recollection of how my sentence structures should sound like. There was a lot of oomph when I designed the blog in my head before I hit the sack at 1.00am. It's gone to nothing now.

Mich and I had a long chat about, what else, God and the state of humankind. Sounds big, but it was really just about us walking with the Father. Ivy and Crys came over, and we had our long overdue dinner. We have not come together since I got back - and that was 11 months ago. These 3 friends are really God-sent. We knew each other since 2006, met at work, and somehow clicked quite instantly.

It is quite interesting how although we come from different church backgrounds, yet having met at work and having 2 things in common, we became the church. We study a specific character together, and shudder at the thought that we could become like that character, if we do not hang on to God for dear life. Even having a good intent may not mean the intention will come to pass. I learnt last night that the process of getting there is more important, because the process either causes us to lose sight, lie to ourselves, or be on the right railway track to that goal.

And in the course of conversation with Mich, I realised that I have grown up, changed and realigned in spite of what I thought and what I have refused to acknowledge. I was also reminded that this journey can be very lonely, but very necessary, if I wanted to follow Jesus wholeheartedly. I realised last night how far away I was at becoming Christlike, and how much grace I needed to get to that destination.

I DON'T HAVE ANSWERS. And I am looking for some myself.

My mind is jumbled up.

gracey

When a Thought Hits You...

2009-04-23T17:08:00.003+08:00

It hits you hard. Especially when it is about meaning and purpose. Anything that has these 2 words will hit you, somewhere in your 70 years span of life. Not once, not twice, but as often as it needs to, or as long as you have not figured out the answer; either way.

What gives meaning? And what does that meaning hinge on? These are bugging my thoughts now. As a Christian, it is quite a 'loose face' situation if you begin questioning the meaning to your existence. As if our insults hurled at God through our complains and blame games are not already enough as it is.

How can meaningfulness flip like us flipping pages on a book? One page is so interesting yet most others remain monotonous, uninteresting. What is going on in our minds that we do not see where we have been hinging our meaning to? Have we been depending on activities to derive meaning and purpose in our lives? I definitely do think so.

The other thought I had this morning was, what if I did not ask this question the way it was asked yesterday? What if I have not thought that life is meaningless? Meaning, I just have not thought about it. And I also do not think that it is very meaningful at the same time.

I'm beginning to mumble.

My mind needs to shift. And I need a new dress.

gracey

Short Random One

2009-04-19T21:30:00.003+08:00

I haven't blogged at night in a while. This weekend was Mission Conference at church, and it has been pretty eventful. SEGAK joined the Mission Quest, which we eventually won. SEGAK stands for Sophy, Emily, Grace and Adeline who are friends (Kawan). :)

What did I think about the conference? Just another conference? Perhaps in some ways, yes. The emphasis for this conference this time around is this: Mission is not meant only for the chosen few, it is a mandate to everyone.

I have not gathered my thoughts on the things that were spoken, my brain has not been able to wrap anything around the things said. One thing for sure, I hear the sound clearer now. I will just take things one step at a time.

Love love love love. Everything done because of love.

churning and digesting,

gracey

Erm....

2009-04-07T13:31:00.002+08:00

Longsuffering. Do I understand what this means? A little perhaps. It is making a lot more sense now, though I'm flipping back and forth.

In a month and a half, I would have been home for a year. A YEAR!! Get that. I would have worked for 8 months by this Saturday, 11th April. I really can't believe how everything passed by my life, and how far I've come. Or maybe how near I've gone. The ironies.

I have been ruined for the better, for THAT hope in THAT PERSON. I have. It is true that I have not been able to adjust home completely, and I am at rest with that, with not being able to adjust home COMPLETELY. If I could do that, then maybe things have not changed at all. I guess I'm just ranting because it gets too difficult sometimes, knowing that this is potentially a solitude road.

People will give opinions, ALL kinds, and are hopeful that you follow their advices, but I am reminded that there is only ONE GRACE YONG who can answer God's call for Grace Yong's life, and only ONE Grace Yong can worship Him the way I was made to worship Him. And sometimes, or maybe oftentimes, only I can discern God's call for my life (in saying this I am not saying pastors don't have a place in counsel and discernment, I'm just talking about those who are not direct authorities over my life).

I will just need to learn to sift out everything that's unnecessary and perhaps not helpful (although they could be music to my ears). I will need to learn to hear God's voice and be familiar with Him. Which makes spending time with Him more needful. Oh, but it should not be that reason that I spend time with God. I want to know Him, He wants to know me too.

Anyways...random posting.

gracey

Pedicure Virgin No More!

2009-04-01T15:01:00.002+08:00

Yup, you read that line right. I got my first eva pedicure done on Sunday, thanks to Missy Minjoot who thought I should be spoilt with one since it was my birthday last month. She da bomb! She knows I will not do these things ALONE. Gotta say that she knows me well. =) Thanks Missy!!

Yeah, and Mr Eric Tan says I should get it blogged, or rather he asked me if I blogged about it. I have some pictures, but I think at this moment I'll remain shy about it and not put up the picture of my feet on my blog. The thought of having my feet on my blog is err....not that smart a move. If you really wanna have a look out of curiosity or unbelief, just watch out for m--y feet when you see me on Sunday at church. If you really are THAT desperate and don't think that I would have done such a girly thing, then gimme a call, date me or just drop by my house to say 'Hi!' to my cute feet.

It is quite fanatical, to say the least, how I am adoring my pair of legs where my feet are attached to now. The wonders of pedicure. Now, I don't quite mind a massage at this point...*hint hint*

Pedicures are things that girls do....Well, I am one, so maybe I could get another done so that my feet can look pretty at my cousin's wedding! My sistah is definitely getting her first eva pedi. Ooooohh...If I actually spread the Good News at this rate and this excitement level, the WORLD would be evangelised by now. :P

sleeping with my pretty feet,

gracey

Buying Strollers - Shopwiki's Stroller's Buying Guide

2009-03-21T21:25:00.004+08:00

I remember the fun of pushing a stroller when Matthias was born. For a country like Singapore, it was nice to push babies around in strollers because almost everywhere was accessible by foot.

The stroller became a really important feature of my sister's family. It was a must to have the stroller wherever we went.

To buy a stroller you do need to know what are the must-have features and what really are perhaps nice-to-haves. Shopwiki's Stroller's Buying Guide is really a simple to read and understand guide on the important features and fixtures you should be looking out for in a good, solid and safe stroller, all rolled into one.

If you're on a budget (strollers are very pricey), then there are certain things you must look for before you purchase one, and live without the other features that may have jacked up the price. This guide will give you advice and insights to the essentials.

If you are a trend setter, there are also tips for you. Brands are categorised according to the affordability. If you need a quick guide to buying strollers, this page is one that can give you an idea of the features you should be looking out for.

A quick read, easy to understand and concise guide it is.

Cambodia

2009-03-16T21:53:00.003+08:00

Just got back from Cambodia. We celebrated my birthday as well as Kenneth's in Phnom Penh, with a very very expensive cake - USD32. We had a cruise on the Mekong River, watching the sunset and for me really, savouring the peace and calmness that was on the waters. It was sunset, and the view, though not a sea view, was spectacular.

I miss Cambodia, and the life there. I dislike the quality of air, and perhaps also the sticky running waters, and also how the poor are suffering, but I really love the pace of life both in Baray and Kampot.

The Cambodians though mostly poor, love having fun and have dignity. God gave them both attributes. They love dancing, and I have learnt their traditional dance. It was fun being at the wedding. Hopefully I remember how to dance when I get back there again.

missing it,

gracey

Cambodia - Here I Come! =)

2009-02-27T15:33:00.003+08:00

Wow, it's been exactly a month. I guess life's like that when you're working. Who am I not to accept the life of a working person? We're not suppose to challenge status quo - especially when everyone else is doing it. Right? Whatever.

I am glad I leave for Cambodia next Thursday. I leave as a 24 year old, and return a quarter century old. How about that? My birthday will be spent in Phnom Penh mostly, and a few hours left for myself and perhaps some friend(s) for the next 3-4 hours back in Malaysia.

This will be my second time celebrating my birthday in a foreign land. Last year I had a party going on in Jakarta. This year it will be in Cambodia. Both times I was away for mission trips. Should I make it a tradition now? Mission trips during my birthday? Hmm...what about next year? Where should I be going? =) I have been back for 9 months now. That passed without me noticing.

Katie-Lee, Munn and Pam, Happy Birthday! We're all celebrating our birthdays next month, and I remember, exactly one week apart from each other! Have a great one with your families aye?

Itching for adventures really. Hopefully this one to Cambodia will be an enough fix until next year? I wish...only wishfull thinking. God help make this trip a memorable one, and not a mere checklist. I wanna see You at work.

day dreaming,

gracey

Chinese New Year 2009

2009-01-26T18:53:00.002+08:00

This is the second quietest Chinese New Year ever. I am guessing last year was the quietest because many people did not come home, including myself. And the many included my relatives.

Fond memories, and making new ones. It hasn't sunken in that it's Chinese New Year. Surreal. I don't even understand why.

Lotsa food as usual, and good company. It's good to see my year mates after 2 years. Talking crap over some barlie water and 'leong chas'. Doesn't get better than Old Town Kopitiam.

Bought myself a gift - just because I need it as well. It was a great buy at an awesome price. God totally provided for it, and more! I am grateful.

Tonight is gonna be another long night. Of fun.

gracey

Drag

2009-01-05T13:23:00.001+08:00

The drag is on. :S I hope this saga ends soon. I don't handle stresses very well. All I want to do is go home and hide. God, spare me if you will. I am thankful for Your grace.

gracey

Great New 2009

2009-01-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

I remember one of my godfathers told me once before, that the more jobs I take on, the more I'd know what I love doing and am capable of doing. He is absolutely right. As I have suspected before, I am not really up for marketing. That is a major part of my job now ironically. As much as I struggle at work, I remind myself that this is my learning ground, though unsuccessful most times.

I tell people that my job is akin to a relationship. There are times you love it, there are times you don't. And sometimes you just want to give up altogether. I am soldering on, though honestly, it is quite a daily struggle. I guess this is where I can see God's grace at work.

It has been quite an eventful week and weekend. I am tired and I need to chill.

Here's to wishing everyone a new beginning (in fact everyday is a new beginning!) and a great new start to what's ahead! Life's full of surprises and God is full of grace. Let's start all over again, EVERYDAY! =)

gracey