Blogging While Black version 3.1 - City Life Edition

Saturday Night Live

2009-11-14T19:29:00.000-06:00

Am I still blogging every damn day?
Sure I am.

Just got in from 'work' and boy it is work, but worth it.
For now.

I wish I could stay and talk but I am taking my wife out and having a drink tonight. Don't wait up for me, please. I have a day free of my dreadful local football team and I get the chance to hang out with my home-skillet.

I am so alive this evening... time to get into my Saturday.

Peace y'all.

Sick

2009-11-13T22:03:00.000-06:00

Sick of seeing TV

sick of HIV

being the absolute ending of a life to be

sick of posing ass cats
with their weak ass raps
speading sickness and lies
through their weak ass tracks

sick of kids gone wild
women with wild styles
more manly than the men that can't relate to their child

sick of seeing no respect
families we can't protect
wic checks

suburbs being the new projects

sick of music being the only thing that can soothe me

and the drum runner is the one that lies to me.

and the program director syncs the lies on repeat
all the video are a fish eyed fantasy

my kids wanna see, that's what they want to be
the real ain't even rooted in real reality

and that's the shit they're cranking out on BET
and the bullshit that's rocking on your i-p-o-d

and ain't nobody listening to folks like me
a peace loving brother rooted in spirituality

you'd rather point your finger or your nine at me
cause my rhyme'll blow your highs, end your flights of fancy

you'd rather hate the ones that even look like me
even though when I see you - you looking just like me

if I cut you

you'll even start to bleed like me
but because I got it you wanna try to take it from me?

you better blink family cause we all gots to see
without each other we ain't gon never come to be

but that's okay, you ain't really trying to hear me
cause I impede all the places that you're trying to be

cause stacking paper makes you that much better than me
even if your ass is rich and famous, bruh you're still lonely.

coming off ships -
shackled by chains

beaten by whips

and your chains and whips is all that you aspire to be

not knowning that that your stones and oil was stolen from we
and you never put a dime back in the community

but then again you don't want to share it with me
but you snap if we don't celebrate your victory.

I hope one day you can really really see
that the folks back on the block are not the enemy.

and dialouge with you is the true remedy
so all I ask for you to do is just talk to me.

I'll even wait my turn, I'll be patient, wait and see...

cause all I ask for you to do is talk to me

I'm being patient family, you just wait and see...

All I need for you is jut to talk to me.

2005 Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo - Ya Dig?

Indifference As A Weapon Of Mass Destruction

2009-11-12T23:53:00.002-06:00

So my dad was at his physical brink last Friday and it just so happened that my mother called him. For what reason, I don't know. They split over 20 years ago and they still have that bond, even though they both remarried. Enough of that. She said he sounded like he was some odd voiced cartoon villain that passe the final audition for some new, deep voiced Transformers character.

With phlegm.

According to my mother's conversation with my sister, he was steps away from organ failure. Didn't matter which one, one of them were about to go.

After an ambulance call and him getting checked into an ICU after an ER visit, he was put into isolation because the docs didn't want to take any chances on him being affected by anything viral or bacterial because he could have had H1N1. He didn't. Kidneys leveled off to normal in three days. So did his liver and his heart. The questions remained by Monday morning exactly what in the hell got my dad's body all up in a tiff? As of Monday morning, we still didn't know.

The doctors looked at my dad's medical history and looked deeper into a particular thing that was really bothering him once they leveled him off and ruled out certain organ failure and heart attack and stroke. By the time my wife and I got to the hospital Monday afternoon he had been moved to a private unit (still under isolation) and looked and sounded phenomenal. But it was after they gave him a certain medication.

I talked to a specialist and asked about the drug and he told me that it looks like a certain medical condition and giving him the drug would have done nothing to help his condition if he didn't have what they thought it was. I understood because of what his life experiences have been. After speaking with my sister over the weekend and mother this evening, adding to what I already knew as well as advice and guidance given to me by friends and other professionals I already know where all of this is headed. We just needed the test results back. The docs said that they were due back today.

We didn't get em'. We were told that it would take another 10 to 15 days.

I already know. My mother and wife do too. My sister mentioned it. I tried to break things down to my brother, and he responded by not responding. Haven't talked to him since I asked him 'do you know what that is?" My dad needs to take this a little more seriously than I assume he's taking things. He seems a little non-chalant in taking his meds on time and minding other things like his diabetes.

I cannot actually say what he has because it hasn't been confirmed, but it has been explained in depth and detail. He knows. And he knows that I know. And he knows that my wife and I will stay in his ass...

That's the confirmation that I'm waiting for.

This shit ain't funny because I am not laughing.

Folk need to understand that life ain't guaranteed at all. Do something to keep the fire burning, it might just be keeping someone else very warm.

Is It Friday Yet?

2009-11-11T22:18:00.001-06:00

I'm supposed to be blogging every day this month and one of the bonuses of me reading other people's blogs is that I get to learn new things about people that have similar interests as I. There are a ton of folks that I've actually broken bread with over the years that I've met because of blogging. That kind of thing hasn't really faded like I thought over the years. I'm still getting a chance to meet folk face to face and have a drink or two, maybe lunch or dinner.

Contrary to popular belief, I have not... Never mind.

I am in blogging content limbo over here. I have a situation where I cannot speak because I have not gotten back all the info I both want and need in regards to both my new business venture and a family situation. I can say that the only person I can talk to other than my wife is my mother, and she acctually fell asleep on my ass over the phone last night because she worked late. I have tried to talk to my younger brother about what's going on and dude just hung up. Can't get my sister to pick up the phone. Dad blew me off.

So I've been studying and gaining valuable product knowledge as well as getting deeper into my studies holistically. One thing a lot of turmoil prepared me for is these situations that I'm dealing with right here, right now. Not that I am not moved by sickness, tragedy or death, it's just if I continue to overconcern myself with others and not care for myself I will suffer. Um... message to those who care to know: I ain't suffering on behalf of others who volunteer themselves to suffering out of sheer friggin' ignorance. As long as I have health, wealth and knowledge of self I must put my personal thang in front in order for me to be healthy enough to be of service to the ones I love and care for.

Most of y'all have no clue what I'm talking about...

What I'm saying is, when things get rough I'll be the one people are going to turn to to gain some understanding. That job I do not mind. But... When you choose to not care enough for yourself and suffer due to your ignorance, I'll still be there. I'll get you a tissue but don't expect me to cry with your ass.

I'll have better content later on y'all.

...

2009-11-10T20:58:00.002-06:00

Today was one of those days where I experienced a lot, learned something new and traveled to a new place.

I just don't want to talk about it right now. Maybe tomorrow morning. There is so much that I cannot say until I get confirmation.

Ya dig?

Late Nite Monday Reading: Nothing Doing

2009-11-09T23:04:00.000-06:00

Nothing doing today.

Spent ~~most of the day~~ all day with my wife.

Went to see Pops - Came back home - Took most of the day - We sat and talked - he's better.

H1N1 ruled out, there might be other things wrong here. I can wait. No problemo. Still my dad.

At this point, it may be best to shut the hell up. I've posted bunches of words that craft my opinion and stance on lotsa' stuff the past couple of weeks and days. I still plan on blogging everyday this month, I still have to work on completing my novel this month as well. Things to do. I'm also reading a book I won and taking notes on what appears on the pages as well. Homework.

Researching pricing on equipment and services related to my business venture. Also camping out all damn day at the new venture I made last week going thru a little product knowledge and talking points on sales, closing and conversions. Neat stuff. Once I totally buy in, there is a ton of cash involved in payouts and such. That gets us the new house and other little gadgets and doodads...

Whatever. That's what fruit is for... Payment for labor. Make juice, use the pulp and replant the seeds.

Wash, rinse and repeat.

Americans: Call your senator 3 times this week and check his/her stance on US Health Care Bill 3962. Make em' vote on it without filibustering all over the damn place. Pass or fail, call em' to the carpet.

Lazy Beer Laden Sundays

2009-11-08T22:43:00.001-06:00

I guess I'm supposed to have something to say today but I really don't.

I vegged all day today, even though it was 73 and sunny here in the Chi - IN NOVEMBER!

I watched football, had some rotisserie yardbird and conquered a Heineken keg can.

Don't judge me.

Watched health care go over in the House... I urge all of y'all to place a call or two to your senators regardless of how you feel about the reform bill awaiting a vote. One cannot complain if one isn't a part of the process.

Rumor has it I'm going into radio... Whatever. It's a process, you gotta wait.

I think I wanna wax poetic on the cheeseburger thing tomorrow.

I so blogged this late on purpose.

.

Nobody Respects The Cheesburger

2009-11-07T23:54:00.000-06:00

It stands alone as the one thing unique to folks in this nation as folks should fear and respect but do not.

To me, the cheesburger represents so much more than just a hunk of fried or grilled meat on a bun with a touch of dairy and condiments. It represents all things wrong with our preception of gluttony.

I wish my Dad had a healthy fear and respect for that damn cheesburger.

I spent my entire day at the hospital because we thought my dad either had a heart attack and/or stroke.

He had neither, but he IS diabetic. He might have lost his kidneys.

To make it even worse... He might be infected with H1N1.

Worse case scenario, he might need dialysis.

What.The.Fuck?

More on this tomorrow, okay?

Fucking cheesburgers...

My Morning Anger

2009-11-06T09:59:00.006-06:00

I am very angered over what happened at Fort Hood yesterday afternoon.

Not because some shrink was teased and he snapped because he reached some threshold, because I don't believe this was the case. I beieve that folk that do things like this have them planned already. Sometimes they don't know the time nor place or to what degree they'll do their damage, but I believe they know.

Something tells all of us what we're capable of... How one deals with it is the tell tale.
It still takes a lot for a man to kill. Overstand that.

This individual should have never joined the Army. According to co-workers, family and Uncle CID (we call the Central Intelligence Division that), he was already opinionated about certain things related to policy and needed no further convincing after counseling soldiers returning from the shit.

All I need to know. Now the times I get to sit in front of a television will be mired with case studies and stories of this guy with video montages and investigative reports and timelines on how and what he did. There will be stories about the soldiers and families that took a loss...

I used to live there. If memory serves me correct and if there hasn't been any new construction there, I know exactly where those places are. Can't say for sure but I probably utilized that very same place when my unit processed thru there. I know how calm and comfortable those places were. A friend of mine asked me how he was able to take out so many before he was taken out himself and all I could think was how it was when I was there in 1990. We were unarmed. We were always unarmed. There has never been a need to carry live weaponry on a military installation, even after September 11. There are police and security personnel that have live firing weapons, but other than that, we have shooting ranges...

There are countless arms rooms. One for each unit and the weapons we used to live fire are kept under lock and key, inventoried and accounted for at all times. All of our equipment is done this way to prevent...

Shit.

This is why I'm angry that this happened. He took them all by surprise because the only way this happened...

Yeah.

He was making comments and felt the way he felt long enough for him to have been processed out of the military. There is always room for another to climb on board and take one's place. It is still a volunteer service. We may be hurting for fighting troops but garrison employees are very abundant. Why this guy was still active and participating with other active duty personnel after his actions and statements in the past is beyond me. I used to process security clearances and fingerprint folk during my stint in the Army and how they investigated folk and how tight things were with investigations... Sheesh. This cant be right. Dude would have never passed muster to have still been an active soldier in my day.

Apples and oranges though. I believe that the basic principles and the premise in the military is the same now as it was in the past. I can be critical but I will not disrespect the process. Somebody did drop the ball though, and it cost us lives. Right here at home. This is unacceptable.

But he was. Had a lawyer he retained to help jettison him from the Army too.

In my mind this should not have happened, but it has. And now we must deal with our inaction and find a way to soothe the souls of more than a dozen families that lost loved ones not in a combat situation, but in the comfort and 'security' of a secure military installation known for its comfort and warm people.

And now I'll get a chance to hear the spin as well. The hatred and contempt for the few will rise and become very noisy now from certain masses. Yet another tool to be used to politicize things.

I will never forget. I am still one of you. You, your families and your sense of purpose and duty still matter to me.

You Are Honored And Appreciated And Never Will Be Forgotten

2009-11-05T17:47:00.000-06:00

As a former soldier stationed at Fort Hood, Texas, a former resident of Copperas Cove, Texas...

As someone familiar with the comings and goings of the 545th MP Brigade, III Core and 1st Cavalry Division...

A former member of the 124th Signal Battalion, 4th Infantry Division...

As a veteran and someone who still holds close the memories of Kileen before someone went rogue...

I cannot understand exactly what happened and why. To say that I am stunned is an understatement.

My heart goes out to the families and my respect is given in high regard to the fallen. You will never be forgotten.

And I liked to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air...

2009-11-04T14:25:00.009-06:00

Excuses are bullshit.

I think that some of the things that used to hold me back was my reluctance to actually deal with bullshit, regardless of what level it exists.

I figured that getting close to 40, one's bullshit tolerance level would be next to non existent, but I beg to differ. Folks still act like children more than twenty years removed from high school. I really try to avoid dealing with folks that bring drama, excess and the like to the table because I spent much of my time years previous to this mired knee deep in bullshit.

I understand that some folks need to create something artificial as to feel like there is something going on in their lives, but I need folks to stop by here and read my stank ass to know that you already have things going on that if you would remain focused and dedicated to DOING YOU that this could be enough to keep you satiated.

There are a few people I deal with on a more than regular basis that have good things going on in their lives. They are employed, have a spouse or significant other and have activities that can occupy their time constructively. And that's a good thing for them as well as myself because although I know a lot of talented people, our interests just aren't the same. I would like for a time or two to just delve into their world and participate in whatever it is that they do for leisure. Just as I like to travel and see new places I believe it is the experiences that help round out our time here on this planet and make it worthwhile.

But when a person creates his or her own reality show moments...
Attempts to add or spice up their shit by roping someone else into emotional turmoil...
Carefully and consistently creates rifts between themselves or between others for their benefit...

That's when my bullshit meter goes off and I just have to take two steps back and just not deal with it. It's a very simple formula for me. Keep the bullshit away from me and just do what you do. Your personality and purpose alone is what initially drew me to you, why can't you just do yourself and keep it moving constructively in order to keep order about things?

I now know that some folks keep their shit cluttered because they were either trained, conditioned to do so or have nothing better to do and based on fear of their own shit create drama to distract themselves from having to deal with real world things.

It annoys the fuck out of me because we're better that. Always have been.

In the past two days I have attempted to talk to my wife and two close friends of mine still partially jacked into the Matrix about fear and doing stuff in spite of it. I have to describe it like this because I believe that Joe Madison's statement of conditioning comes into play in some form or fashion in its own unique and individual way in each of them and it affects the way that they do things as well as manages the output and twists the trustworthiness they have in me by way of what comes out of my mouth and their overstanding of said words. Don't know the statement? Well here you go:

"In America, we are culturally conditioned to believe that all things white are superior and all things black are inferior... And due to this cultural conditioning, African-Americans are undervalued, underestimated and marginalized"

- Joe Madison

And although I started this post out yelling to the world my stance on not taking bullshit, I walked away from the post and did other things. When I came back to the net to finish this I ran across this video which is what I'd like to believe is the perfect counter to my kinfolk putting up barriers, blockades and drama as well as totally ignoring all things that make sense and purpose just to remain blissful in one's ignorance due to fear of success and purpose in life:

I really don't have time for excuses, because that's what I think drama is. I'm also tired being around people that use the excuse of a dream to attract people and then sham on the actual work it takes to get the dream done. We all know that a lot of black folk have been culturally conditioned and a lot of us see the exit but are afraid to jack out of the Matrix because that big pile of crabs pulling the other crabs down look like a fun bunch. This is the story of most of my family, friends and extended loved ones as well as associates. I can only be an intercessor to those that need interceeding. That's a voluntary thang, y'all. Like Sovereign told me a looong time ago - in order to be one, you must ask one. Red Pill or blue pill? That bunch of crabs does look kind of fun! Let's lose focus and purpose and go down there! It's all fun and games...

Until they get pulled down into the crab barrel themselves.

But wait, didn't that person convince themselves that the crab pile is where they wanted to be? So the act of getting yanked is the after effect of the initial thought, huh? Meaning they were already down there in the first place and have no one else to blame.

So why bother in pointing fingers, laying excuses and placing blame?

Bullshit, I tell ya'.

Ol' Fresh Prince also said something else that sticks with me on the daily:

"The five people you spend most of your time with will dictate your success in life."

- Will Smith

Start counting...

Either lead, follow or get the hell outa' the way!

Free Your Mind And Your Ass Will Follow

2009-11-03T11:53:00.006-06:00

Sigh...

Sometimes, your mind can work against you and help you with the same electronic flashes of energy.

When I finally turned in around 2:30 or 3:00 (which is damned early for me) I turned everything off. I even unplugged the modem to keep its blinkiness from distracting me in the dark. I did my final check down (I still do that, there is still a little military in me), scanned the area in my final safety check and then got comfortable in the bed after turning out the lights and laid it down.

It was nice.
It was quiet.
It was comfy.

BUT IT WAS LOUD AS HELL IN THERE!!!

I'm talking about my brain. There was a hell of a lot of things popping off all up and thru there to the point where I decided to not ignore things. I tried my best to lay there in the physical quiet to attempt to address all of that thought, that chatter going on in my head. I think this was the first time in a long time that I actually paid attention to that. Normally I'd either ignore it, blanket it with alcohol (years ago) or just stay up and let a thought or two manifest itself into song or verse, sketch or note.

Not this time.

By kind of just laying there and having some sort of mental filing system filing thru my thoughts I found that there weren't tons of them all fighting to get to the relevant part of my head for review, it was just a handful of things and a few other random thoughts playing the backgound jammed into a small space, fighting for priority. Went a little something like this:

The plan is to present the best proposal on Thursday in order to be selected because remaining a 1099 status dude is what we want. It is what we want, right? It has to be. That would be just like when you were getting that trucking money as a independent contractor, but you don't have to live in the back of a truck...And you'll be home every night. Is there anything we need to do to refine it before Thursday?
That' a BIG-ASS house man. It's just you two anyway, do y'all need such a big ass house? Wait, your last spot was big and y'all were still bumping into each other... Well, not all the time. Y'all did hide from each other in that last one a few times. Hell, we used to wake up and disappear into that man cave for hours on end, but this time this spot has a basement and a yard. Damn, that's a big-ass house Bruh! Don't you like the fact that it's way the hell out there too? Cause the last time you invited certain folk over to the compound, y'all fed their ass and basked in libation only to suffer back wounds from all the stabbing weeks later because they really appreciated yall's hospitality. Probably was still full from that visit too... That toxic shit cannot even make an impression on the doorstep of that big-ass house. Enjoy your space man. Fuck sharing! Except with your wife...
I still cannot believe it happened like that. I still can't believe that you're gone. I accept the fact that it did happen but... I had no earthly clue that we vibed like that... Like that! We talked every damn day, IMed and texted each other with silly ideas and cool suggestions of scenarios and prose and about life itself. We never hid anything when we talked openly about our relationships and significant others. We used to even pile onto each others problems and dreams with the most cynical, sarcastic and loving commentary because we both really did care about what was happening in our lives and wanted nothing more but peace for each other. That and artistic success. Even when we got emails, phone calls and comments about each other from folks outside looking in wondering how in the hell we were kindred, wondering just what kind of relationship we had, we would just look at each other, shrug our shoulders and keep it moving... It's hard for me to keep moving without you, but I am your brother from another mother and not your brother nor your mother... And I never was your lover or the friends numbered 3 other. And I've seen the pain in all of them.
You gotta let go of that man. I mean, really... how long are you going to hold on to it? You cannot go into your 40s holding on to what damn near killed you in your 20s. You suffered all thru your 30s over this shit. just let it go. Please! You no longer need it, it no longer needs you so just stop it!!! What are you doing... Put that hot dog down!!! Wait, you ain't eating that hot dog, are you? Dammit, MISDIRECTION!!! GYROS ALERT! GYROS ALERT!
You know they want $4k in a few weeks right? You got half of it. Wait, you have three quarters of it. Can you get the other grand and still pay the current house note and car note and fuel and lunch and the mobile internet thingee and still have date night and cook dinner everydamnday? I know you can. Just call Peter. If he doesn't answer then I know that Paul is available...
Do you really want to go back into the education field as a last resort?
Remember that one time when you were abducted by aliens and they had to let you go because they tried to pass off the anal probing thing they did to your cousin as colonic irrigation? Well, they are at it again tonight on TV, trying to pass it off as a TV show. Evil lizard bastids!
Go see your brother. Not him, the older one.
Save your money, Tucker. This place doesn't have porn. They think its immoral. You know, that really grinds my gears! Where in the bible does it say that a man can't fire off some knuckle-children in the privacy of his own neighbor's living room while his neighbor's at work because I don't have a DVD player? Well, I don't know where it says it because the Bible was way too long to read!
Akufukuzae hakwambii toka
You know, that meatless night we had was damn good. Now if I can just convince the missus to do that every night with me the magic can happen. I mean, seriously, does she love meat more than me? This shit ain't native to our kind anyway. Is it driven into their minds that much in the south that it becomes a way of life to the point that it leads to the early deaths of so many? Man, we gotta talk...
Don't act surprised when the Democrats get the snot beat out of em' today in these local elections. If congress and the Prez had just used the majority like the Repubs would have if they were in power and already passed healthcare... Land.Slide.Stuff. Whatever, man.
[Dressed up as Spiderman climbing on a clothesline singing to the tune of the Batman theme] Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Spiderman! Spiderman! Here comes Hassan on a clothesline but his name's not Hassan it is Spiderman! Spiderman! Come on Diva let's get busy maybe right here in the garden Spiderman! Spiderman!

And when I got thru with this half my mental filings, it was damn near ten o'clock...

Every day in November, see. Every day.

Ice Cold Words To Kick Off NaBloPoMo & NaNoWriMo

2009-11-02T10:16:00.001-06:00

This month, I'm participating in National Blog Posting Month and National Novel Writing month in which I'll do exactly what both of those narrative/titles say. The plans are to have a fresh, new blog post every day for the month of November as well as me going to my private place to attempt to write a novel in this month's span. Thanks to my BlogSis The Original Oldgirl LadyLee and her participation and the support of others in both actions/causes, I have been motivated to support and have heeded a call to action as well. I mean, I just found out about these this morning, so please forgive me for not posting yesterday. I will more than make up for this within the month.

Wish us luck and continue to stop by. I have no earthly clue as to what will appear on these here pages in the near future.

__

I have always been moved by most of Andre Benjamin's words.I posted half of this as a facebook status this morning. I always get something out of this cat's words. Check this verse:

Styles will change
They say change is dang-erous
As a king standing on the terrace
While his ___ pointing up at the rightful men
Cowards never know when your life will end
Then... live like there ain't no 'morrow
And if one come then this the motto
Now I put message in bottle
You go to the nearest beach and open your car door
And you walk to the place where the sea meets the land
Yeah it's easier to run the street than walk in the sand
Hey I'm talking young man
As if chalk in my hand
I will take yo' little ass to school
It's cool
When the kids call me sonny, the hood calls me stacks
The bees call me honey, Hollywood calls me back

Crack and I have a lot in common
We both come up in the 80's and we keep that bass pumping
That's a nega-tive comparison, embarrassing
Unfortunate that if you come up fortunate the streets consider you lame
Ha, I thought the name of the game was to have a better life. I guess it ain't. What a shame
I don't slang. Never slung but I'm one with the slum that has a name well fitting
Plenty cheese getting. No wonder why they call it the trap
So watch your tail and I'm not kidding
The rats and mice will give advice, they say, "you can paint and draw
Get out of here. Go show them that we're more than slanging raw."
That's when I broke into my Big Rube impression
And I tried to enlighten but that night I learned a lesson
That the morals that you think you got go out the window
When all the other kids are fresh and they got new Nintendo Wiis
And your child is down on her knees praying hard up to God for a whopper with cheese
Do you B) hit the street hard with a flair
Or do you A) go to school for heating and air?
Dare make an honest living or make a crooked killing
Or do a bit of both until you're holding on a million?
Brilliant. You got one foot in, one foot out
You put your left foot back in and then you shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey til you turn your life around
That's what it's all about. 3000 out

From the song 'Royal Flush' featuring Raekwon
Outkast

Yall' be easy.

Rant Of The Week

2009-10-31T20:06:00.001-05:00

Sometimes you gotta' listen, even if it hurts to agree.

Part One:

But wait, there's more - Part Two:

This cat makes 'Uncle Ruckus' look like a black revolutionary.

What say you?

.

I'd Rather Have Waffles... Unless You're Waffling

2009-10-30T09:21:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I had a series of meetings, a couple were during the day, the other one happened late evening and lasted well into the night.

Business opportunities, you know.

These gatherings were with folks I work with in an aspect that I as well as they are 1099 people. Interesting things come out of the mouths of self-employed folks. No one was arrogant or over the top with opinion, it's just amazing to hear from a contingent of people that are truly this country's backbone.

I must disclose that I met with two different types of folk from different cultural backgrounds.

One group was amazed with my learned-ness, and asked more questions than being in the position to give answers due to a particular belief and a series of conditioning. The other group was amazed in what came out of my mouth as well, but more than anything wanted to partner with me to tap into what they felt was a market or community untapped because of cultural conditioning.

One group repeated what the talking heads have been spouting off on TV and radio for most of the year regarding the shift, scope and 'look' of politics. The other group countered the spin by offering ideas as to why we are here now culturally.

I didn't bring a thing up politically (as most of you probably cannot believe). I was there to learn about a new venture I'm involving myself with and to teach what I had learned over the past year about some new stuff about to launch...

Leads me to ask you guys a question:

Where in the hell do you get your news?

I mean real news because corporate-owned cable network news doesn't count. All of that stuff regardless of where it comes from is listed as entertainment, a part of a prime time personality line up or as an opinionated radio talk format, and none of these folk are journalists. I find it funny that some people actually think that Keith, Glenn, Rush, Rachel, Sean, Bill, Ed, Anderson, Randi, Wolf, Stephanie, Rev Al, Warren and a host of others from either left or right of center actually report news when they continually preface their opinion by saying that they don't.

Because that ain't news.

You might learn something about what happened today but... That ain't the news kid. I don't watch them cats and kittens for news. I get my stuff from the source, and as of right now I ain't telling because I wanna know where you guys get yours from. A lot of opinion and action has been placed in what other people tell us. Most folks take personal opinion as the news of the day and take the spin and spin it some more.

That angers me because I met with two millionaires and a countless number of business owners yesterday. Their influence thru the products they sell based on their account of the news (from both groups I met with) scares the hell out of me.

You can put syrup on shit, but it doesn't make it pancakes...

What Goes Around...

2009-10-28T08:51:00.004-05:00

Good morning world...

It's damn near November and I am not trying to look at the calender. 2009 has already taken its toll on me. I have had so much taken away this year, but I am humbled and am still grateful for the little that I still have.

I have gratitude.
I recognize grace.

I am appreciative to all of those that have inspired me and have given unselfishly to help me advance, even though sometimes I might not show it. Except in one case. In that one exception, I have not forgotten. Hatred and contempt cannot be easily be removed from my heart, so I remain silent.

Still.

To act on those feelings would be to compromise a lot more than I'm willing to give, especially to that particular person or that situational. But I don't forget. I cannot, I will not. Never that. I already have blood on my hands from days past that I have not resolved yet in my life that affects my here and now, so the past is the past. When I address those things (in due time), I'll address that as well.

Some of you have no idea what the hell I was just talking about, and that's probably a good thing. The other thing I brought up at the end of that is the fact like a few of my brethren and sistren, we feel responsible for what we participated in as members of the military in campaigns past. That overwhelming feeling of... Whatever it is still weighs heavily on our hearts today. That ain't karma either. More on that later. It definitely puts things into perspective though. Makes huge, life changing things we think could be the catylist for change seem petty and insignificant. I have a past and I have hurt people and done things I am not proud of. Some things are bigger than others.

And when I think about what I did as a soldier.
Most of you will never know that feeling, and I will never question your opinion on war and such.
Just know that you have no clue and probably should remain silent.
Unless you served. That's the one thing from my past that bothers me still.

Knowing that I came home in one piece, that I survived and have been successful in not hitting the bathroom floor when I piss (as opposed to changing a bag like some) has always humbled me and put me back where I belong when I start questioning the grand scheme of things. Earlier this year I started to question things. I wanted a word with the chief master architect. That was waaaay before my branch got rattled and I started losing friends, family and influential people.

I lost my place. I forgot that adjustments in the universe had to be made and eventually, that ish will affect me. And then I listen to one of my favorite De La Soul joints, 'Held Down':

Held Down - Featuring Cee Lo

This is dedicated to all my folks
Diagnosed with a bad case of that proper upbringin
And never took the time to fall in line or follow
or swallow the thoughts
Of the recognized committees who lurk throughout ya cities
Ya hood, ya town, no matter which type
You from the same type of people try to hold you down
Just because you tailor made for bigger and better things
Never missed a chance to move ahead of things
And what does it bring?  I tell you for me
it brought jealousy in backrooms from all the stabbin
Cats posin as my fan just to get grabbin what's mine
I'm livin in times where my daughters are found around
kids who can't afford thinkin caps
But always found drinkin raps and eatin off beats
Claimin laws of the streets - but who made the laws?
Everybody playin Rebel with no sign of a Cause

Well I, feel the world around me
I've found, that others, will bring you down, just to be down
You've got to make up your mind, where you wanna be
Where you wanna go with your life
With your life...

Yo, I'm never singin the blues but findin the clues to maintain
And I been blessed to reign supreme over nearly every dream
I had, and I made it come true
I'm an imperfect man and I'm holdin the clue
to perfection, it doesn't seem to matter what direction I look
I find people settin traps
Tryin to find the goal - without havin any maps
Even friends of mine, jumped on line, just to become my adversary
They felt they were entitled to the dairy I made
They don't come to chill or behave

And they got, toast ready to burn
Not learnin to live, but they yearnin to take what you earn

Well I, feel the world around me
I've found, that others, will bring you down, just to be down
You see - you've got to make up your mind, where you wanna be
And where you wanna go with your life
With your life...

So quick to place blame... and deny the shame we bring upon ourselves
So many names held accountable for my own account
When a large amount was weight - that I made and shaped
When I climbed I found
It was hard to find others around to point my fingers at
Which made me realize the truth
The biggest suppressor could be your own ego lookin for an excuse
to plant roots, in a field of self-sorrow
to sprout and follow the first thing you feel
Nourishes your hunger to be respected, it gets hectic
And when I'm watchin the news, and my daughter walks in
and choose to ask, 'Why were all those people on the floor
sleepin, covered in red?'  I told her
that they were lookin for God, but found religion instead


Well I, feel the world around me
I've found, that others, will bring you down; just to be down
You see, you've got to make up yo' mind, where you wanna be
And where you wanna go with yo' life
With your life, with your life...


I need my SPACE, to live... Y'all don't hear me... Y'all don't hear me

Well I, feel the world around me
I've found, that others, will bring you down; just to be down
You see, you've got to make up yo' mind, where you wanna be
And where you wanna go with yo' life
With your life, with your life...

De La Soul

- from the album 'A.O.I : Bionix' - 2001

I'm just one dude. A cat with immediate responsibilities. Married. Both parents still around, remarried at that so there are step parents. Siblings, all with children. Work that has to be done. Taxes to pay. Shorties to mentor. Nieces and nephews to teach and support. Cousins, aunts and uncles. I have a grandmother. Political opinion, meaning I'm a constituent. I have friends that actually give a damn about me and mine and I return that favor as well. I create verse and song, not that much these days but my mind is full even though I recently lost my creative department and biggest critic and motivator, stuff is still there to be manufactured. I'm a blogger (whatever that means, I've been slipping on posting y'all). My place is home with my wife, spending time with friends and family, being able to stand firm on my civic duties, volunteering, creating new literary pieces and making a little music.

The external including friends, family and all that seem familiar will change on that ass in an instant. It is supposed to. Just because you don't want it to...

This has happened in my universe in the most dramatic fashion this entire year. I never panicked or lost focus... Well until a close friend passed away recently. I lost my place in things. I was at the tail end of a much needed correction in my marriage. We put everydamn thing on hold and went on the road because the vibe my wife and I had when I was driving my truck and when she traveled with me was good. I needed to bring that balance back and we were to work toward compromise on how we would live, I knew that we both thrust ourselves in to something that seemed almost impossible from the jump. Relocation, instant house and giving up living strictly for self.

We were supposed to do that. And we did.

We also moved out of our house and existed without a valid address for the length of the summer. Had to give that up because of its toxicity. We had no immediate plans on finding housing in Chicago when we left. We actually acted on our faith in finding a space in the respective cities we ended up in during our road trip. Funny how we ended up back in Chicago. Funny how we found a home here recently. Funny that we're taking possession of said home and will be there for hopefully the next thirty years.

We were supposed to find that house. And we did.

I wanted to go thru a detox program and go vegetarian... Ish. But a friend did it instead and the results are amazing. I did fast a few times on the road trip and my wife bought me a more powerful juicer and I took advantage of that right when my body began to indicate to me that after living twelve years with diabetes, arthritis and high cholesterol it began to show in my body's outwardly performance. Funny how quickly phyto-nutrition and herbacuticals reverses the effects of bad eating habits and a pharmaceutical residual presence .

I was supposed to go veg. And I did that. It was easier than I thought too.

Out of all of the things I gave up, things that were taken away and people I lost, I feel like I'm supposed to be right where I am even though sometimes I feel the urge to question it. I'm not saying that I understand all of this because I don't and I know never will. I know that The Creator has a master plan and I feel comfortable in whatever that is because I am still here, primed to make my mark and carry on for those that no longer can. Just a few months ago I felt like things were being taken from me and I felt like I was being both tested and put on trial for past transgressions but karma doesn't work like that. For those keeping score at home it never has so find something better to do.

I have also been inspired to do something amazing and become a true intercessor for others by one of the closet people to me that I recently lost. The motivation, opportunity and resources opened itself to me in the most amazing fashion. It is because of what my friend went through and what I learned about those processes that I am motivated to do what I pledged. I'm not going to share that now because I am once again a student and I have much to learn in becoming what I feel that I'm being led to become. I feel that I've been put in the place to do this because of what has happened in my recent past and now that I look back on all that has happened in my relationships and with my location, re-location(s) and possessions...

The Creator has a master plan for me. The changes are nowhere from being done. I just have to maintain myself in my current status and be patient... I never thought after doing what I've done in the past that i would get an opportunity to be a better person.

Audacity Part II... (This Time It's Personal!)

2009-10-23T11:50:00.008-05:00

Okay...

I was talking about hope and my weird relationship with it.

I have some, somewhere. I suffer from bouts of it like everyone else. It comes in unbelievable spouts of regular-ness, but it ain't like how 'Aunt-Flo' treats her nieces. Sometimes I just wish it did because sometimes...

I need a little hope just to get me thru these days nowadays.

Things have been so different since August 30. On that day I didn't even know that I had already lost one of the closest people to me. It was the next day, that Monday very early that another close friend called me to inform me. That phone call shattered my calm and since then I've been spinning, trying so very damn hard to put death into perspective. Whereas I have come to terms that I cannot get my friend back, I realized that she was much more than that. Well, I think a few people know that she was a creative partner, helping construct a lot of stuff I've done in the past 5 years. If you didn't, you do now. She was more than a friend that had access to the inner workings of my daily habit as well becoming a jokey/cynical-ass muppet judge that sat in the balcony of my life with sly commentary on every production, including all of the bad shit. Her commentary was welcome and warranted and I miss her dearly. Since the loss of my sister, my motivation to create has been low to non-existent because she' ain't here.

But I still want to do stuff. At first I didn't want to do new stuff creatively because she ain't here anymore... And then hope kicked in and affected me to continue.

The road trip ended a week after going back to Atlanta to attend my friend's homegoing service. To my surprise things were upbeat and celebratory. There were other factors in making me feel better about the situation and there were people there that I connected or reconnected with that gave me peace, but the circumstances in bringing me from what was our newly settled home in Las Vegas back to Chicago after my friend's death and the circumstances that have us back in Chi-Town had left me clueless for a brief moment in what to do next. Things are different because I'm a married man and I have to lead, defend, protect and provide even if I consider my wife (and I do) equal, even and just as equitable in our life partnership as I do.

I was looking for hope in everything and for a moment, I didn't think I could find it again. And then I turned on the TV.

In a little under a year, the phrase hope had been replaced with so many other nouns and narratives that I had to blink a few times and check to see if I had been jettisoned to a past era. The hope that had inspired many to accept few had faded. The result of that version of spread hope opened a pandora's box of emotion and revealed true feelings from many that neither snapped my neck in disbelief or surprised me.

But it did push me back. It also made me think about if there was any residual hope left for me to have and use in my personal situations. I mean, my marriage is fine, my earnings are stable and my future prospects are solid, but if I lost my ability to create and express myself where would I be? How does coming to terms with the death of a friend and partner affect the creative output of a person? I'm finding out right now because I'm going thru it, and it feels rather empty. I really need hope as a means to motivate and excite myself...

I gotta get into traffic. Again. More later I guess.

I Got Nothing... Today

2009-10-22T22:11:00.001-05:00

Guess it's going to be one of those kinda' long week-ending wrap up type posts tomorrow.

It's The Audacity, Stupid! (Pt 1)

2009-10-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

Let me tell y'all something about hope.

Well first, there was this girl named Hope that I was so in love/lust with back when I was a lil' puppy dog back in Catholic school. She used to wear these white knee to thigh high stockings with her skirt and a very form fitting blouse that had even the administrator's eyes popping. Hope had filled in before most of the girls had, and she had necks snapping. I can still remember Hope's swag as a young woman, turning the heads of the do-wop cats crooning on the corner and the parents shaking their heads, pulling off in their Volvos as they picked up their kids, hoping that their little boys remain unaffected by her attitude and for her to somehow remain unseen by their underclassman-ish men-children who at that time suffered underdeveloped and hormonally unbalanced eyes and minds.

It was too late for me. My thoughts of her made a mess in my house, particularly in my private spaces (mentally) and physical places um... Like the bathroom my brother and I shared. Don't judge me. I was like twelve! Okay, it was somewhere between twelve and fourteen. I tell ya, it was like a frozen neckbone sprayed with nitroglycerin back then and I couldn't heat it up enough to stand up not matter how hard I tried. That Boy Scout manual about rubbing sticks together causing friction to create heat? Didn't friggin' work so that neckbone never melted.

At all. Thanks to her.

No, seriously. Thank you Hope! Came in handy years later, like after I got inducted and sworn in.

Wherever you are Hope G., I remember you and wish you well. You really gave me hope somewhere back in the recesses of my head that I could get some and remain unexploded because I was full of lust. Or something. I just knew it had to get out and you provided fodder for it to flow freely from me even though at that time I was uncontrolled and needed a muzzle. Thanks for being you and providing that visual, aiight? Wit' your curvy ass. Lord have mercy! Pre-teen spank worthy, y'all.

But anyway...

Hope is something we seem to be loaded with that we're also throwing away like the energy we normally use to keep in shape that we never use and then how we let it go to waste and then it goos up leaving us with a treadmill that we use to display stuff in the third room that was supposed to be the home gym that we never go in anymore and we forgot to put the CFL light bulbs in so when one flips the power switch it looks all dim in there... And what is that smell?

See? That's the fall 2009 version of hope. Conveniently spoiled because it mostly sat on the shelf from last year where it was damn near overused, and rightfully so. Most of us lost the key to the stinky room where hope lies, meaning either the intent was misplaced or the tools to get us to turn hope into something better is. And that was never the intent. And y'all know I agree with Dr. Wayne Dwyer and his theory on the power of intent, right?

Yeah you do.

Now I gotta go. Something has come up and today's post is nowhere near finished. I'll be back later, cause I gotta tell y'all about how I went to church yesterday and actually liked it as well as bring my hope message on home.

Highway driving to the city on a Monday... Sheesh!

Today Is A Good Day To Die/The Confrentation

2009-10-17T22:02:00.001-05:00

You know that I love you
But I hate your ass

I never gave a thought bout' what happened in your past
But you do about me
And you ride me with it

You go and get all angry
Like you was living with it
But you weren't

But you like to live like you do
You love to criticize me on the things that I do
But I did all that dirt back in um.. 99

You look me in my eye and act like everything is fine
But it isn't

And I think you wanna kill my ass
all on some bullshit thad had happened in the past
It done gestated, been birthed and grown and died
Your friends like to tell you without looking in your eye

Because they wish that they could have been a part of the drama
That's why I never effed with em' cause they would have tried to be my momma

And try to always tell a brother what he had to do
And now they telling your ass that I'm doing harm to you

They want to desecrate a dead woman's honor and say that I cheated
Tried to wrap me in some bullshit from the south, but that wrap - I beat it

And you still feel the urge to take their words over mine
Never did you ever give my honest ass the time
But it's cool

Cause now I only go for delf
I'm only concerned with well being
And knowledge of self

But you know that

I double dog dare you to challenge
To emotionally deal with my ass you must manage

And you probably cannot do that
But I expect that you do
Because I never given thought to passing judgment on you

But whatever...

I maintain that I'm feeling fine
And you can never even scratch the surface of harming me or mine
So gone head
I'll just say to do what you do
You can't shatter my progress... You're gonna need a crew

But I warn you
You gonna need heavyweights at with no slack
Because it'll take a nation to hold my millions back

And I'm rich, bitch
And you can't even cash a check
I'll tell you like ODB did...
You best protect your neck

And I'm all family

These days I'm proteting my kids
Grandma, Auntie, Momma
And some cousins doing bids

And that's all I got to live for, so just gone head and try
After what just happened, I ain't afraid to die
So just bring it

I WANT you to come to the table
Cause how I'm doing my ish
The stories ain't no fable

All I need is a reason
I'm sure you got plenty
And if you cannot think of one
I'm sure I'll suggest many

If you try to act like you don't know
I can tell you why
You may not even be ready
But I'm ready to die.

Just try me.

created on the fly - Ya Dig? - 2009 - Hassan Olumoroti Ntimbanjayo

Pluralization Versus Possession

2009-10-13T07:47:00.001-05:00

I'd have a better day if I knew that folks actually understood the meaning and difference between pluralization and punctuation when composing a simple phrase.

The lack of understanding and its blatant misuse by grown-ass folk drives me mad.

I almost want to declare my candidacy in the midterm elections on a platform using aggressive legislature to curtail excessive usage of apostrophes on the ass end of words because folks have no clue that it gives the noun possession rather than giving it the pluralization it desperately and properly needs.

Sigh.

See, this is why I feel like running around the place with a Hot Wheels race track strip randomly giving out lashes to sign makers, memo creators, random emailers and the such.

I think I might dress up as 'LetterMan' (Electric Company, not Worldwide Pants) for Halloween, but I know that folks will never take me seriously. Especially after a few drinks.

Shit.

That didn't even make sense to me!

See! Whatever.

If You'd Like To Leave A Message...

2009-10-12T10:47:00.000-05:00

Mentally and spiritually, I am not in a good place.

Nope, I'm not depressed, suicidal or just plain angry. What I know about my current status is that I'm in a phase (oh, I hope it's a damn phase) where I could care less. I mean, I care for my family and myself. I care about the state of the world today and all that other stuff. I comment politically and have certain social views that some can say are left of center and others can identify as right wing as well. I wish the greatest things of this world and the sub-societies that make it all up, but let me say this...

I really couldn't care less. And for those that served with me in the military and attended undergrad and such, you know I have the foulest of all foul mouths and I could really express myself using some stanky-ass narratives but I won't.

Not this time.
Not today.
Not going there.

Yep, it's a mental thing. It's also possible that some metaphysical psychoanalytical, Keith Olbermann type rant is forming in the faulted recesses of my mind. I don't care. It's probably that I would love to concern myself only with the comfort of living life and that means that I could care less about the meanderings of others.

But I do.

And that's what scares the hell out of me.

Y'all don't know what's going on inside of my mind. I have to maintain my calm so I won't do anything dumb.

Well, it all depends on what one considers dumb I guess. Something has to happen, something has to give and it won't be me.

A Lot To Think About

2009-10-08T07:53:00.009-05:00

Today is the day after the day marked as the anniversary of the start of the war in Afghanistan.

So I guess this makes today the first day of the ninth year of the 'War Against Terror'.

Funny, there's a video going round the innernets' where a terrorist attack took the life of a 16 year old kid right on the streets of Chicago. No 6 billion dollar infusion to keep the streets safe like what congress just approved to chase Bin Laden around, huh? Shame. I bet the Albert family feels the same as them folks that lost a loved one the day the twin towers got attacked, that's for sure.

The one thing that our president probably didn't figure while running for the office that he currently holds is that he would be a war president. No man that has ever sat in that office I believe actually wants to be a war president. If there is anything that the president has inherited it is this war, and as a former liberal law professor at a prestigious midwestern university, the belief from conservative individuals and those right of center is that he must debate both sides and that ain't good thing to them because they need results now because there is no time. Al Queada is right over there and we must smoke em' out!

It's funny because no one actually asked the families or the soldiers themselves, I mean the soldiers really have no say but it would be nice if Congress turned around and asked its constituents exactly what they wanted to do seeing as the original purpose for this war was in retaliation to a particular group of terrorists that participated in the attacks on New York City September 11, 2001. And the fact that the last 10 casualties that came of this war at the time that I am writing this came from individuals wearing Afghan uniforms. That's right, the good people in that region feel that we are occupiers and they no longer want us there but if we leave, our lack of military presence might quite possibly lead to a civil war which of course will affect both Pakistan and India.

Tough times to be a war president, huh?

What exactly would you do?

So I'm watching television last night and I come across MSNBC and lo and behold Keith Olbermann dedicated a whole hour for special commentary that he gave on healthcare and the need for reform. I thought that Mr. Olbermann gave great explanations in his commentary and did his best to put a human face to a subject where a lot of people seem to be misinformed, uneducated and confused. There were parts of his commentary that beat on things that he probably could've deleted in preparing his text, but I think in explanations given he did a great job and breaking things down so that the average Joe could understand. I also believe that this was a call to action that I am very willing to support.

Where I am a little sad is that he waited till the very last portion of his commentary to actually bring the idea forward, but I think for individuals across this country who have been affected by healthcare negatively (which is a lot of us) to donate time, effort, money and good, researched information in supporting the National Association of Free Clinics in its effort in sponsoring free clinics in five cities (Little Rock, Butte, MT, Las Vegas, Baton Rouge, and Lincoln NE) represented by Democratic senators who could vote to stop a GOP filibuster against health care reform when a final bill hits the floor sometime later this month.

In reading the reviews to Olbermann special commentary, I see that there are a lot of cynics. A lot of folk who hate MSNBC wrote the speech off and belittled the man and the problems he and his father experienced with the health care system during his illness in the past two months. Yes Keith Olbermann has money and his dad has insurance, but it seems the the family's experience with the health care system is and was pretty much like yours and mine. And yes, there was that call at the end of his commentary to make things very even and equal for every citizen of this country. I just wish those who belittle the family, the process and the call for health care reform would have had least listened because of my personal opinion, we're all getting screwed.

Which leaves us me to spout a comment or two about another TV journalist/personality in Anderson Cooper. He popped up on CNN standing in the spot where a brutal fight occurred which took the life of 16-year-old Derrion Albert. In his usual crisp delivery there was a twinge of concern and question in the asking of why things like this occur so many times not just on the mean streets of Chicago but in all a lot of urban metropolises. He had a team of reporters who covered the meetings that the Attorney General and the school czar attended with community leaders, school officials and high-level types from the city of Chicago.

They threw $30 million at a problem that they're not willing to think tank and try to bring resolution to. They gave $500,000 to the high school that Derrion attended In an effort to incentivize future attendance by neighborhood kids. The one thing I do know about this current administration is that they like to throw money at problems and think that the finances itself balances things out. Extension of unemployment benefits are definitely needed. Stimulus money for the building of bridges, roads, and schools as well as hospitals and other large institutions is probably necessary as well. Throwing money at a social problem and targeting 10,000 at risk kids without realizing that the other 400,000 that attend the Chicago public school system and not thinking that they are at risk is a problem in thinking and a mistake and action.

The kids that do have male role models might also need counseling as well but, there should be bridge programs, increased academic activity, social and academic mentoring as well as a system of checks and balances to make sure that home training is taught and overstood because this is where behavior stems. Having a poverty mentality, being taught a warped sense of social activity as well as having a lot of parents still knee-deep in gang activity practically guarantees that a child will fail. Our children are products of their environment, and if a parent doesn't have their act together what in the hell do you think the child is going reflect in his or her actions?

I'm damn near 40 years old and I can count various people at arms distance in my old neighborhood, folks I went to school with, folks I worked beside and some family members that still have gang ties. I know a crackhead or two, a bunch of weed heads and a few mothers that still kick it to the club and dress 10 times sexier than their young adult daughter that'll go after their man! I ain't talking about still living in the hood and knowing folk that can you can get a hookup from, I'm talking about folks who are still a part of the he say/she say population of the culture that hasn't grew the fuck up. It's funny because police last night just raided and confiscated more than $18,000 of cash, cocaine and rock cocaine, marijuana and a bevy of automatic and semiautomatic weapons from the house of a 43-year-old man right down the street from Fenger high school were Derrion was killed.

Dude is 43 years old. Now mash that up and combine his kids, his workers, that particular element in the neighborhood and its mentality with your kid. How in the hell can you NOT want to drive your kid or just let them walk, nevertheless leave them at school? We do have to correct the mentality and be more open and honest with our children and this in fact, starts at home. Because folks are so poor in certain parts of the own large metropolitan areas the poverty mentality is overwhelming and it's hurting our kids.

The lack of fathers, resources, mentors and time from working parents in the hood puts a lot of children in deep holes that they can't dig out of, so there's a lot of hopelessness from the jump. Last night I watched a lot of tearful parents and school age children give tearful pleas for the mayor or the superintendent of schools, even the attorney general to do something when a lot of folks fail to realize that the power is in their own hands and we ourselves can do something to take our communities back. The money is welcome but this type of finance will provide no solutions whatsoever. The money will run out and 10,000 at risk kids targeted for mentoring and job training will eventually graduate which still leaves damn near a half million public school children still at risk.

What about them?

So much to think about, so much to do. So little resources and very few leaders to actually lead. Who's going to step up and take the weight?

He Just Keeps On Talking!: The Ballad Of A Longwinded Bastard

2009-10-06T07:20:00.013-05:00

you know what that means, so go get a glass of lemonade and make a sammitch first... it's a long one!

I started this blog more than five years ago as a way to express myself, release, and just have a little fun, journaling online because I knew there were like-minded people such as myself out there looking for... I don't know, something. And I was looking too

Last year about this time, well to be honest it was September and this month I was excited with the prospect of working for the Obama campaign. I knew there would be backstabbing, internal politics, nepotism and patronage within the movement itself. I was right but I still attended. My wife and I got trained through one of the local "Camp Obama" training thingees and I was satisfied with what I was doing as a citizen and future constituent. And then a lot of that politrick shit that I mentioned earlier hit home and kicked into overdrive.

On a few of the things that actually occurred I never wanted to make a big deal of some things because I didn't want to badmouth the campaign and I started getting emails and a facebook friend request from a woman named Shelby Holliday that was reporting for Fox News. I think she wanted an inside report of some sort of infighting and internal politics. You know, friction within, but there were good people that volunteered, trained folks, and canvassed the streets that were harmless and really wanted their candidate to win. It wasn't in my place to disrupt anything and I vowed that I would step away from commenting on politics via this medium until I felt good and ready. Guess what? I think I feel kind of ready.

We are less than one month away from the one year anniversary of what I still consider a historic election. I believe we got what we asked for in a new president. I also feel that compared to not just the last eight years, but maybe quite possibly the last 10 years that things are going politically in a direction that I pretty much thought they would with as a result of the election. Because of who our president is, I figured that there would be backlash and a little buyer's remorse by some that voted (some folks still claim that they did not 'know' him. So much for the personal vetting process). What I honestly did not figure would happen would be the current level of hatred, racism and the all out full-fledged effort to de-legitimize, marginalize, undervalue and underestimate the current sitting president of the United States. Some have even gone so far to criminalize some of his actions.

Not that I'm shocked...

I'm more shocked and appalled in the behavior, the lackadaisical nature, and the silence of the actual constituents of the sitting president of the United States. I am also sickened to my stomach in the complete failure in my people's resolve, the lack of fight, accountability and the all-out low self-esteem we seem to have these days. I've said it before and I'll say it again:

'A scared Negro will get you killed.'
- Hassan Ntimbanjayo

So as someone who is not afraid to speak, not afraid to say names, dates and occurrences on my blog without littering them with semicolons dots, dashes and the sort, I guess I'm back in the game if you will as far as writing political commentary on the blog. I'm also aware that my blog feeds onto facebook and there are a lot of people who I know in that forum who are unaware that I'm actually a blogger or something. For those of you that don't regularly read my blog, no big deal. You'll probably read something that you haven't before since friending me own facebook so be not afraid.

Don't worry, I'm still that same guy. I used to be a little angry, but not anymore. My only concern these days is the quality of life of my family, friends, business associates and people who advocate peace, unity, love and having fun. Everyone else on the planet that likes drama and are hellbent on seeing people fail and back it up through their words and actions I have no empathy for. There is a great place within the flames of hell in which their soul can burn, and I wish them expedience on their trip to that particular place

In the past year, we've witnessed a grass roots movement of individuals Republican, Democrat and Independent who have placed a great need in marginalizing the presidency. They've used out right lies, un-researched facts, gossip, rumor and innuendo as well as various forms of the media to spread what I perceive as hatred which have planted the seeds of horrific thought yet be done against a particular set of peoples, various metropolises, living areas both urban & suburban and against certain individuals. It has been so blatant that it can be construed as 2 1/2 inches short of outright terrorism. And for that same year I've watched the targets that I just mentioned do little to nothing to defend or protect themselves. Well, some of them still walk the earth like idle threats were thrown their way while others do have protection, thank God.

So I have a suggestion. Just as some in the majority have targeted some in the minority, and just as some in this new minority have targeted some new players in the majority, I say we educate, train and prepare ourselves as well as arm ourselves to the full extent of what we've seen on TV at town hall meetings and those large revoltist gatherings using every extent of every law as well as every encumbrance we have as a people in this nation. Through software that monitors this blog, I know that there are some that read my words who don't live in this country but for those that do it's time to arm yourself, protect your children, stand your ground, practice, experience and appreciate the unalienable rights extended to you and I by the constitution of these United States.

But it does start at home.

As a black man in America I'm embarrassed in the way that young black men represent who I am. I am angry at some of my brothers my age and older for the lack of accountability and responsibility in raising their sons. I understand that there are some that have a poverty mentality and we know exactly where it comes from. The real crime problem in America is folks not properly addressing the real issues affecting our families. Benign neglect, racism and poverty has plagued us for generations and as a result our children have taken to the streets with an attitude of lawlessness and disrespect.

This is wholeheartedly our fault.

My wife and I do not have any children, but we've been blessed with 12 nieces and nephews. Most of our friends, cousins who are peers, former classmates and coworkers have children. I was a child that came from a two-parent family and have a close-knit 4 generation family, so I know a thing or two about being raised and the stresses it causes some and the responsibilities that others take to keep things in line. As someone who proudly served my country in the United States military I do know a thing about discipline and sacrifice. As the son of a drug addict who left the family I know a thing or two about the devastation narcotics and alcohol causes families. As a young black man growing up on the south side of Chicago in the middle of the shit, I know a thing or two about the hustle, gang warfare, drug culture as a way of life and the reward of the prison industrial complex for partaking in those things and how it profits from housing gentlemen who look just like me for doing so.

But this story is happening just as they're writing it to happen. The experience is just as harrowing as reading our history books. There is a feeling in the air and somehow, someway the cycle could (it is) start again. What in the hell am I talking about?

Genocide - it started as an intentional extermination of our population in Africa.

Expulsion - and continued with the forcible removal of that population from our territories.

Slavery - and then it was ownership of one population by another here in America.

Segregation - and after that it turned into legal separation of groups of people of a particular race or ethnicity.

Assimilation - said formerly segregated group (us) is either forced into or volunteers to blend into the majority population.

In my humble opinion, it seems that the assimilation of the minority culture into mainstream America is literally scaring the hell out of those that have lived blissfully ignorant and comfortable in said ignorance for such a long time. It really shouldn't be this way because no one here is truly native of this country anydamnway except for those who now live on reservations. But that way of life has been a particular way for so long the children of the fathers can feel the vibration of this underground movement that almost seems evolutionary in its process.

But isn't this how America came to be? Isn't this the process in which families grew and expanded? Isn't this the way we became the 'melting pot' of people? Isn't it fairly obvious that through some of the suggestions of creating new policies and social programs from folks left of center and a few on the right that this has smoked out old, seemingly 'buried' fears that have been newly realized by a younger generation? The folks who realize this fear will do anything to keep these programs, policies, standards and practices at bay and at this particular point they are doing literally any and everything, and that means they will vote against their own interests (again - see 25 years ago) and you may remain a slave to the corporate interests and the military-industrial complex that funds this country and bullies the rest of the world.

Now is not the time to lose focus. All candor and politeness in discussion has been lost. These are the times to shed all things external that distract us, re-instill the values of honor, trust, and respect to our children, eat to live and arm ourselves both literally and figuratively because the charges to take back America from the so-called unrighteous have trickled down from fingering the president, his cabinet and congress to the organizations, grass roots champions, fundraisers, ministers and contributors as well as his constituents and supporters.

The threats are real. Just 25 years ago there was a huge conservative movement that dismantled a ton of social programs and killed the funding for a lot of other programs that helped raised a downtrodden people up in previous years. Now I'm not saying that it will take big government to rekindle the flames of self-reliance, but just as drugs were funneled into the hood in the mid to late 60s and early 70s the same can be said about high-fructose corn syrup, fast food, and useless & uninformative sources of media designed to distract and numb. With bad nutrition, the rumblings of the utter uselessness of self, the lack of truth in media and just plain bad entertainment with not a single 'artist' holding his or herself accountable for the undue influence art has on folks (especially our children), one does not have to land on Park Place to lose his or her house. The game of monopoly is being played on your mind, your body and your soul.

We have to take ourselves back. We also have to rebuild spirit. That means becoming more businesslike in our approach to earn money for families and paying our bills. Working more than 40 hours a week just to pay bills, living check-to-check and having nothing in your pocket afterward is not a way to work for your future or care for our kids.

Living in the mecca of capitalism and knowing all the words to 'Hustlers Anthem', we should be more enterprising or so we can use our remaining spare time to be home and around our kids. Marriage and/or unions should be treasured, respected and remade back into the standard as far as creating and maintaining our family element. Churches, social groups, fraternal organizations as well as block clubs in neighborhoods should take a more co-op styled approach for the good of its members, neighbors and congregation.

I'm not a churchgoer, but a great example is my daddy's church. They're more of a religious co-op and actually secures mortgages and performs financial planning as well as provide childcare among other services for its members.

And though some of y'all might think I'm talking up the side of my neck but...

If you could see clearly into the distance, then you already know what the alternative is.

I'm hoping that The Creator can bless me with 40+ more years. I know for the most part a solution for most of our problems are from within, and I'm addressing mine through my words, actions, nutrition and train of thought. I must clean my own house before I can tell other folks but, I tire of having to walk through a ton of trash when leaving my house to get to where I need to be when there's a big old receptacle right over there...

And I'm tired of the silence.

And getting my heart broken.

You Ignorant, Nationalist Bastards

2009-10-05T23:16:00.000-05:00

Living in Chicago, of course we were knee deep in the Olympic bid business...

For those of you who rooted against the US (the jerseys, banners and identification says USA, not Chicago) and celebrated the failure of this country not getting the bid.

For those that actually celebrated the 'failure'...
Yes, using those words - FAILURE
For all of those folks that used the terminology that the world rejected the sitting US President

You are not patriots.
You do not love this country.
You have no love from those that actually fight/fought and have blood and lives on their hands (like myself and others - and we gotta live with that shit), and we do not love you

What you are-are a bunch of ignorant, greedy-ass, capitalistic loving, warped-ass, nationalist bastards who are worthy of death. You wanna water the friggin' tree? Then fall out of line with a racist remark like I know most of you want to do and ask me to fetch the water.

I am itching at the prospect.