Circus Confessions

2006-07-14T17:03:00.001+07:00

Dear friends,

I am still alive. Though I know this blog has been dead for awhile. Other things have taken priority lately. But I can sefaly say tht this blog will be up & running next month with (hopefully) a new look. Ive resigned from the circus so its time for a new theme. Anyway, I think ive outgrown this blog (I said outgrown, not matured) so its about time. So heres to new beginnings. Amen!

2006-03-20T17:56:00.000+07:00

I was actually happy this weekend. Some friends i havent seen in ages were here in Pattaya for music festival (yeah, i ran back to thailand...thts where ive been for the last month). It was great...i woke up on saturday morning positively beaming and sunday morning & today. It was exactly what I needed to face going back to KL...

But all it took was one conversation with my mother today to kill it....

2006-03-14T22:30:00.000+07:00

Im so so so so lonely...

Just when things pick up a little, it plunges even deeper...

Unravel...

2006-03-05T02:57:00.000+07:00

Its rather tragic when you have nobody to share your day with. Its not like I did much...But it would still be nice to have a witness to my life. I suppose that's why people have friends and get married and stuff. To have witnesses to their lives...

When I was 17, I used to wonder what it would be like when I die. Not the "life beyond" question, but more of the "life left behind" question. What would my funeral be like? Would it be like "Big Fish" when suddenly all this separate parts of my life converge & my life as a whole picture is revealed?...Although I didn't have "Big Fish" as a reference then.

But I guess the thought still holds. I imagine my friends from school who have only known me the way I was then, my friends from the circus who I have worked with for a year now & still have no idea who I really am, my friends from my theatre days, my friends from Thailand, my friends from the old church days, friends from college, friends I met thru Danny...All separate entities that have almost never connected.

I wonder how my ex-boyfriends will react to each other. Will it be revealed that I was actually dating 2 or more of them simultaneously? How will my extended family react when my friends stick lit Marlboro Lights on my grave instead of candles. Will they accept in the way Joey's parents did? But then again, Joey's parents not only allowed my neighbourhood friends & I to stick ciggies & pour beer on his grave. They buried his with his porn collection in casket, cellphone in hand & Tupac playing at the funeral. I'm guessing my family would freak out. Nobody in my extended family even knows I smoke!

I wonder how many parts of my life I have kept secret...From some of them...From all of them

2006-02-14T18:06:00.000+07:00

Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I am not dead yet (though I might as well be)...I wont be contactable on my number for a while. Just leave a msg...

...

2006-02-11T23:10:00.000+07:00

He took a week's vacation to forget her
She took a week's worth of valium and slept

Now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
thinks about her now and how he never really wept

I hope.....

Kuala Lumpur!

2006-01-17T14:49:00.000+07:00

I'm home! Totally weird to be back. I know I haven't been gone for long but it still feels weird.

I'm missing Thailand like crazy. Something which I didn't expect because I was so eager to come home. Having a holiday in Thailand & working/living in Thailand are really two very different things...Well, I love Thailand but I suppose there's no place like home?

Anyway, heres my new number +6017-409 7517

2006-01-14T14:12:00.000+07:00

Dear all, I'm coming back to Kuala Lumpur tomorrow!!!! Yeah, thats “I'm coming back” with four exclamation marks! The show in Pattaya ended last week. We have all been pretty much bumming around, playing tourists & tying up loose ends at work.

All circus staff, artistes & crew will be leaving Pattaya at 3am Sunday to our next show destination, Kuching, Sarawak. But me, I’ll be taking a few days of to snuggle up to my mama & my friends.

I'm gonna miss Thailand like bananas! Bittersweet parting…

So heres to Pattaya, Sin City of Thailand & the lovely 3 months spent here…

Great sights…

Temple on a hill, Sattahip

Yeah, I made it to the top…& almost died

Buddha etched in gold on a hill

Thai vineyard at Silverlake, Sattahip. Never knew Thailand had vineyards…isn't it too hot?

Great wildlife…

Freaky lil starfish

This ain't a fakie…it floated down the beach…Puffer fish?

The wildest of all Pattaya wildlife. Brian aka Toe.

Great Drama…

Since yall love it so much, I’ll say it again. Sweaty men with big hoses.

Flood on opening night at Pattaya 3rd Road

Hours before the first show

And most of all, great friends…

Tukta. Angel from Pattaya.

Circus temps at Lucifer. A night worthy of the devil!

Thai style. There are 4 of us riding on one bike…without helmets!

Beer & the beach…*sigh

Adventures of female travelling alone Pt 2

2006-01-13T15:17:00.000+07:00

I'm such a slacker. I shoulda coulda woulda posted but (insert lame excuse here). Anyway, as promised, here is part 2 of my great New Years Adventure! *roaring applause*

Yall already know what happened in Bangkok. That was the wholesome part. After a painful 14 hour bus ride, a huge bunch of cranky tourist (thats me) arrived in Surat Thani to take connecting busses to our various destinations. By then I was so bored I was talking to stray dogs…wait…I do that anyway.

Thats me & Paul brushing our teeth by the side of the road. We brushed our teeth so vigorously tht the pic came out all motion blurred. Please note that at that point, this was the most interesting thing to happen.

Of course things picked up by the time I reached Krabi. Greg & I (random dude on the same route) headed straight to the Greenspirit party site. We were already a day late for the 3 day fest. This was the party at 11am.

Those who weren't wasted yet were working on it…but Greg & I were at breaking point after the bus ride. So we hibernated in our lil hut in the middle of a village somewhere at the outskirts of Ao Nang in Krabi.

Cute eh? They had the most novel concept of large random insects as welcoming crew & chickens as alarm clocks. We stumbled onto this place by sheer accident. After half an hour of hunting for rooms. I prefer this to any motel!

Instead of falling asleep to the sound of crickets, frogs & other miniscule beings, we woke up to it. When we got back to the party site, we were greeted by…

It was absofuckinglutely excellent. I don't have many pics of the party cos my camera battery tragically died on me. Greg took excellent photos though. But he lost his camera…& he lost his mind. Me? I just lost my shoes.

If only I knew how to describe how superb duper whacked the party was…oh wait…I have a pic that can do that for me…

Bad acid trip…but thts just one guy.

Check out pics from the official gallery for a more accurate idea of the party. Greenspirit will be back again next year! And so will I!

Hot stuff!

2006-01-09T02:32:00.000+07:00

I realise have not spoken about the circus in a while now. Thats probably cos my heart & head is already back home in Kuala Lumpur. Only this sad body of mine is stuck at the office in the circus. But thats another story…

Anyway, as it always is in the circus, today was an interesting day. We had a huge fire at an empty lot beside the circus! What a way to mark the end of our stint in Pattaya & our tour of Thailand. We are literally leaving with a bang!

Some unknown being started a small fire just outside the circus to burn garbage or something. But by the time anyone even noticed the tiny bonfire, it turned into a huge raging bushfire that was threatening to reach the circus containers…

The circus crew were rushing out with fire extinguishers. Fire engines spilled onto circus grounds. Sirens were blaring. Light were flashing. In short? Drama

Give me some hot stuff baby! Sweaty men with big hoses swarming around! Yeah baby! Hmmmhmmm! *swoon and faint dead away*

I will post Part 2 of my adventures after I get over this porno episode…

Adventures of female travelling alone Pt 1

2006-01-07T14:54:00.000+07:00

Okay! Here it is, my verdict: Bangkok is fabulous! It’s like being home…but with a twist. Although I was only there for a day, I was totally taken!

Since it was the first time I was travelling
alone, I did as I pleased, saw what I wanted
& all at my own pace. I admit I spent most of
my time on Khao Sarn Road which is pretty
much backpackers haven. It was a bit
comforting for me to be around fellow English
speaking travellers…I was scared okay!

This is the view from my room…totally bustling!
Just my kinda thing. I like being around activity.
Even if I don't want to participate, its nice to
know its there.

Fittingly, the moment I arrived, I checked in & headed to a club called Flix in RCA to meet a friend & it was fab! Clubbing in Bangkok is waves above any other part of Thailand.

This is pretty much the only clear picture I have of that night…might have gotten a lil tipsy…

I spent the next day wasting time in
Khao Sarn while waiting for my evening
bus to Krabi. Its amazing what you can
buy on Khao Sarn. I was rather tempted
by the drivers license. That would totally
strike a big one of my resolution list for
the year.

I had no idea Brad Pitt was living two lives. Someone call Jolie.

Anyway, after hours of nothing in Khao Sarn, I decided to start taking in the sights. I didn't have a map or a Lonely Planet or anything. I just started walking. My strategy actually worked. I “accidentally” found a museum…

Okay, thats me at the museum…

And that is a picture of one of the things I saw at the museum…

Then I walked some more & I found a tiny Buddhist temple…so wandered around till a temple caretaker told me there was a bigger temple behind it. Then I walked into this…

It was absolutely amazing! I actually felt chills down my spine when I walked in. Then I felt overcome by awe. And there were a whole other bunch of emotions but lets not get carried away.

To be continued…

Bad bad me

2006-01-07T00:12:00.000+07:00

I'm getting worse & worse at blogging. I've been back from my adventure for a few days already. It was heaven! But as it goes in life, all good things must come to an end.

I arrived at the circus a bit later than expected & it was straight to the office for me. Work was already piled & waiting. So I've had to put off blogging about my amazing time in Bangkok & Krabi. Now I'm just feeling under the weather so I’ll have to put it off a bit more.

Happy Freaking New Year!

2005-12-30T16:51:00.000+07:00

Dear friends, family & fellow bloggers who are just passing thru, I have already embarked on the first leg of my journey to say a hearty & passionate goodbye to 2005. It hasn't been a good year for me & probably for some of you as well. But I am relieved & excited as the year has almost ended. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.

So here's to 2006! May this coming year be great for us all! *virtual cheers*

And here's to my big backpacking adventure! And returning safely in one piece of course...*more virtual cheers*

Now lets hope I don't do something stupid like miss my bus or get hopelessly lost or something. Otherwise all this will be one huge embarrassment.

Love & hugs from Bangkok!

I won!

2005-12-29T15:20:00.000+07:00

Holy crap! Guess wht? I won the Serial Killer Colouring Contest! Yay! Merry Christmas to me & Happy New Year to all!! This is the lovely prize I get to flaunt on my blog.

And this is my gorgeous entry tht kicked all the other entry’s asses…well all cept for one.

Female travelling alone...

2005-12-28T19:47:00.000+07:00

Half an hour ago, I was wildly excited about my upcoming trip to Krabi for Green Spirit. I have put off all planning till the last moment just in case I cant make it. But so far everything looks clear ahead.

So today I started making proper efforts to book my travel. Seems tht the trains & flights are fully booked. I’m not surprised & not too worried. Its peak season after all. Made an inquiry with the bus station today & turns out you can only buy tickets on the day of travel. So looks like I’ll only find out tomorrow if I can travel to Bangkok at 6 or 7pm as planned.

Now for the next leg of travel which is from Bangkok to Krabi, I’m gonna have to go to Khao Sarn Road in Bangkok & work to get a bus from there. From wht I heard, there are busses from Khao Sarn to Krabi everyday at 6pm. I'm obviously gonna miss tht bus if I’m only leaving Pattaya at 6pm, but if I take the next one on 30th, I will only arrive in Krabi on 31st. But the party starts on 30th!

That’s my travel plans in lurid pink. At the very worst, New Years in Bangkok can’t be tht bad. It’s weird travelling alone though.

Post christmas post

2005-12-26T19:10:00.000+07:00

Merry Xmas indeed. For all the hype, it was actually the shittiest Christmas I’ve ever had. EVER! I slept a lot. Went to the office. Read Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince…again! Learnt how to peel potatoes. Downloaded music by The Potato …(or is it called “stealing music” now).

Everyone in the circus is shit broke now so there wasn't much gifts flying around either. I’m extremely thankful for the two tht I did receive. I honestly wasn't expecting any so I gave myself one. I succumbed to peer pressure & registered on Deviant Art. Tht was my gift to myself.

Being broke & alone in a foreign country isn't the best way to celebrate Christmas. So I decided I will celebrate my Christmas on February 25th. I wanted January 25th but its too close to Chinese New Year. So on the 25th of February, when I’m home & in the company of family, friends & loved ones, everyone is invited to my Trishmas party. Tree, tinsel & all!

And since I know you read my crap,
Happy Birthday Momma!

Merry Trishmas to all!

2005-12-24T04:56:00.000+07:00

Happy effing New Year to me...

2005-12-22T23:56:00.000+07:00

There's loads happening right now but I've been too busy to blog. And I've got a darn good excuse this time. I've got to finish the entire advertising campaign for our next location within this two days or so. So thats the bad news. Now for the other bad news. I can’t leave on 27th as planned. I've got to stay on for an indefinite while…which means I might have to go to Brunei/Sarawak with the circus. Sigh…so much for all my plans.

There is a consolation though: I do get to have my holiday from 30th Dec till 1st Jan…so at least I’ll enjoy new years.

Anyhow, enjoy some pictures of my past 6 months in the circus & Thailand. Lets hope next year will be better…

And for all of you who have not made any plans for new years, why not join me for whats bound to be the craziest party ever to hit Asia.

Goodnight everyone! Over & out!

Deck the halls with blogs of holly!

2005-12-20T12:01:00.000+07:00

Did anyone realise tht I've hit 10,000? Well, it’s 11,132 now. Wow! Congrats me! I've been so busy being depressed tht I totally didn't notice. To be honest, it’s not really tht exciting…but hey, any excuse to distract myself. Thx to all of you for visiting & for all your lovely comments. Wouldn't have happened without you. Thank you. Sincerely.

*I’m quite pleased with my punny title…sigh…pathetic I am

Changes part 2..

2005-12-19T14:24:00.000+07:00

Continuation of my ranting & raving…

Its bad enough tht I've changed, but beyond my control are the changes tht are happening to my life back home. I'm not sure I have anything to go home to anymore…

Last Monday, my life changed in a big way. All in 1 day.

My bunny passed away. The vet couldn't do anything to save her…I wasn't as close to this bunny as I was with Tripod. But it still hurt…
My parents are quite officially split up I think…I don't really care much about my dad so it doesn't matter to me. However, I'm really worried about my mum. I cant handle it when she cries…really fucks me up.
I made a decision tht was very difficult for me. But it was something I really had to do. I've been in a really complicated, on & off relationship for the pass 5 years. And although I'm in Thailand now, he still calls me almost everyday. I think its safe to say tht we still love each other…but…well, its not going anywhere. Five years is long enough…
So I decided tht when I get back to Kuala Lumpur, I need to cut all ties with him. At least until I can get over this whole episode. I've been with him since I was 17, thats a long time. Its gonna be hard, but how long can we go on playing this same game

Well…I've been in a terrible funk since all tht. I've been trying hard to keep myself busy so I won’t think too much. But its hard to distract yourself when you're all alone. I can’t relate to anyone in the circus…& I doubt they can relate to me. I've spent the past year pretending to be someone I'm not. My friends are all scattered around the world. I can only hope Ariff will still be there for me when I get back.

For the first time, I'm truly & honestly unsure of myself…

Pattaya DJ Day 2005

2005-12-18T16:02:00.000+07:00

I'm not old! After all the heartfelt emotional whining in my previous post, I actually found her. The crazy chick I used to be is back…temporarily. But still better than never. I lost it last night. Totally & absolutely lost it! It was probably the most fun I've had since I got here! But looking back on the snippets that I can remember from last night, I probably made a right fool of myself. But its alrite cos I’ll probably never see any of them ever again.

The event was DJ Day, a 2 day event which I had the great fortune to experience. I was ready to write off Pattaya as the crappest place to party till this thing happened. If day 1 was excellent, then day 2 was superspasmic! Just too bad I was drunk most the night.

I usually hate to drink at raves cos it really fucks the experience…& in my case, I'll be too unstable to dance. & I love dancing. Its usually a few bottles of water & my Marlboro Lights. No alcohol, no drugs.But lord knows what happened last night. All I know is that being drunk is waaay overrated. So now, as usual, here are the photos:

Gosh...Where do I start?

2005-12-17T17:04:00.000+07:00

So much has happened during my absence from the blogging community. I've been in a frenzy to soak up as much of Pattaya as possible before I leave.

The countdown has begun to the date of my release…doesn't it sound like I'm incarcerated in some mental institution? Circus. Mental Institution. Same difference. Its a case of tomahto & tomayto.

Well, heres a quick update. I'm still in Pattaya. We’ve decided to extend our stay here as it is relatively profitable as compared to the other towns we’ve performed to in Thailand. I would compare it to floating on a raft while we figure out how to get out of the swamp. Not tht Thailand is a swamp (Does Thailand even have swamps??), its just tht the circus isn't exactly raking in the dollars here. We’ve made nothing but losses since we got here.

The circus has relocated to another site in Pattaya Park which is lovely! Pattaya Park is a bit of a mini theme park & all the staff & artistes get to go on all the rides for free! And we are just by the beach! AND there is a water park with big ass slides and all!

And the grand finale of it all, there is a 180 meter tower that I jumped off…well, me & some of the artistes.

It was painful…I think child bearing will be out of the question for me now. Irreversibly damaged I am.

Changes Part 1

2005-12-16T14:02:00.000+07:00

Changes tend to creep up on you when you aren't looking. Somewhat like a disease. You never expect to get it but then suddenly BOOM!

By the time you realise what's going on, its probably irreversible. Thats kinda what happened to me. I'm suddenly looking back at the life I left behind when I joined the circus, the same life I'm hoping to go back to, & realised how much has changed.

Gone are all my carefree, crazy college crew. They are now replaced with young professionals chasing success in various parts of the world. Everyone has grown up & moved on & become responsible etc.

Problem is…I think I'm one of them too. I realised tht my plans for homecoming so far has mostly involved searching for potential employment in various large corporations & how much my potential earnings would be & how long it would be before I can get my own place. What's wrong with me??

Where is the crazy chick who joined the circus in hopes of shagging the clown? And who the hell is this person sitting in my chair at the office when she's only a five minute walk from the beach??

This is truly a Zoolander moment : Who am I?

Invasion of the Idiots

2005-11-23T16:39:00.000+07:00

Why cant everyday be like yesterday? I was working late last night when 3 bozos decided to visit me & keep me company.

Two of the more innocent bozos. The other
one was molesting a picture of the queen…& I
rather not risk being bombed by royalist so I
cut him out of the picture.

Not only am I illustrating his true nature, I am
also protecting his identity as a real life idiot.
So now yall can’t mob him on the streets.

I admit I was shit bored before these shitheads decided to ambush me. But once they we’re there…

Sometimes the artistes just don't know when to stop
performing.

I don't know whether to label it entertaining or
traumatising.

Let this be a warning to my friends. If I catch you on
camera, it will DEFINITELY go in my blog.

I should really start charging yall. First the dragonfly porn, now this…sigh. I am too generous!

We're hiring!

2005-11-21T14:14:00.000+07:00

All you circus artistes wannabes listen up. We are on the lookout for some exciting new acts. I doubt many of you apply…in fact, I dont think I know anybody who applies. But this is just an excuse to show off some of my work for the circus before I leave next month….

Now if only I knew how to apply the same design for my blog…sigh. Web retard I am…