Let No One Steal Your Peace

READING

2007-10-16T08:29:00.000-05:00

The power of peaceful persuasion is unsurpassed among skillful means. When your desired outcome is harmony, everything works for good. Reconciliation, understanding, and acceptance come easily, and the wisdom of William James' words become evident: "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." In a harmonious relationship, both of you are peacemakers.

---Ralph Blum's Little Book of Runic Wisdom

Going Once, Going Twice.....

2007-10-14T10:16:00.000-05:00

What great fun we had! The Annual Drag Auction was a super-fun success! So much talent that was showcased last night.

Feeling "A Part Of"

2007-10-11T08:57:00.000-05:00

I had such a wonderful time this evening. I got to go on a run - well, more of a jog really, with a friend of mine. He wants to start being more "physically active." He even went out a bought a pair of running shoes. It's nice to go with someone. breaks up the monotony and It's SUPER-NICE to have someone to make comments to about all the hot boys out there. ay.ay.ay.

Came home a had a little chicken to hold me over to dinner- that was gonna be a late one tonight at 9:30pm. A newbie was celebrating 6 months of sobriety and he called and asked me to come to the meeting to see him pick up his chip and celebrate afterwards with dinner. It was so nice to be asked to show up for support. It was great to hangout afterward in that BIG AA kinda way of 14 people - all of them crazy, talking, driving the waiter insane. :)

Since I have been travelling, i have felt a little disconnected in general. I stay very conncted to my inner-circle BUT there is something to be said for connecting generally to everyone. I have been out-of-sorts with meetings, coffee, dinners and overall get-togethers.

It was great to hang out with the newbies and see them all smile. Life get good when we clean up. It's good to share that too. I am glad they shared it with me.

IMPRESSIONS

2007-10-08T13:30:00.000-05:00

Minneapolis made quite the impression on me. This was the first time I had ever been. I like the city. It was clean and people were friendly. While at MinneSober I got this t-shirt. Not the best picture of me, but I wanted a picture for this post.

But the best impression was made by one guy in particular. He had big, make-your-heart-melt eyes, go-weak-in-the-knees lips and a SMOKIN HOT BOD! Totally my type. The images going thru my head right now. WHEW! I tend to me a T&A man myself. Nothing like great pecs and nice booty. And this guy had it all going on! Ay. Ay. Ay.

Geez! He is nice, sweet, and could converse – a lost art you know. I gave him my contact info. Hopefully he will be in touch. Not expecting anything. Who knows, maybe I’ll end up with a really hot friend, maybe I’ll end up with more. We’ll see what happens.

But for right now….
…..I (Heart) MPLS!

Life Has Gotten Busy

2007-10-07T22:48:00.000-05:00

I have been neglecting this blog. Mostly, due to LIFE. There was a while when it felt like I was living vicariously thru the blogs and lives of others. Although that was a little true - I was still living my life and posting about it. I forgot that this blog is about me for me....more of a journal really.

My life has been pretty busy. Travelling a little for work and for yoga stuff. I am still teaching. I really enjoy that. I cant imagine life with out yoga - without BIKRAM YOGA! And, Although I have been travelling, I have also been taking a lot of time off because of assignment scheduling. I am lucky to spend time at home being single house husband :)
(just practicing for whenIi find one)

So I am back. I will start to post some more. This posting stuff really is therapeutic for me. It clears my mind. It expresses my thoughts and frees my mind of all that debris, that clutter, that insanity!

WHY the sudden change you might ask? Well, I just got back from Minnealpolis where I attended MinneSober, a GLBT Recovery Conference. I got to connect a little With DAN but JIM was, sadly, out of town. I also got to meet the fabulous, the witty, the entertainer of all - WANDA WISDOM!
super cool! check her out.

Friends

2007-03-04T22:35:00.000-06:00

I love that my friend has moved back to Houston from DC. I LOVE IT! I helped this morning to move stuff from the moving truck into the storage unit. He is staying with a friend until he gets settled in. My landlord called last night at the garage apartment behind me is coming available on April 1st. Maybe he can take that. It is a nice 2 bedroom, one bath. And very affordable.

I love it when friends come back. I love it that we stay in touch. It’s like we were never apart. I am fortunate to have so many friends. Sometimes I think otherwise. I feel sorry for myself that no one is around. And the truth is, I have so many friends. Frankly, sometimes it is difficult to squeeze time in with all of them. That’s why I love going to dinner in big parties. We get to all sit around and laugh, and make jokes, and help each other out too. Sometimes, someone else has a good answer to a problem or question. And then the discussion begins. I love that shit!

Achieve

2007-03-03T18:34:00.000-06:00

What gorgeous weather we have been having. I just love it. I just got back from a run, well, really more of a jog. I weighed myself this morning. 194. yikes! I am awfully short to be that heavy. YES, some of that is muscle. BUT MOST of that is fat. I have really got to start doing something about this. Last summer when I was at my heaviest at 197, I really hit the jogging trail hard, watched what I ate and of course, practiced yoga a lot more. I was really making progress. I think the last time I checked I was at 180 and I want to get to 170. So here we go. On to getting fit and staying fit. One thing I do know that I learned from my yoga teacher. The body is so willing to change. I can change anything I want. What ever the mind can conceive, the mind and the body can achieve.

Withdrawals

2007-03-02T22:09:00.000-06:00

So I did it. I left Sprint. I went across the street and got the info, mulled it over, and made the switch. I think I am going to be happy.

I haggled over the price of the phone. I cant believe I did that. Ia m turning into my mother who haggled at the grocery store. AND being in sales, simply put it as”Do you want to make a sale today? This is what it will take for me to buy.” So I got a new phone at a decent price. Yay for me.

I will say there was a bit of a rough patch. After we did all the paperwork and phone stuff I went home. He said I could use my new phone but could receive calls on it till the switch went thru. BUT that I could receive calls on my old phone. I said ok and off I went. THAT WAS NOT TRUE! I got home and neither phone was working. I called myself from the land line to check and I got the recording “This number is not in service.” Message. Yikes! I told my self to give it some time. About 30 mins. Well, I started to worry. The same thing happened with Sprint last year when I switched over. This was not a good omen.

So I went back to the store. At this point it has been about an hour and half. I was freaking out a little bit. What if clients were calling me and they get this message. They wont call me back. I am trying to land some new clients. Will they think I went under? OH I was really freaking out. The guy at the store calls around. Fiddles a bit. Talks to his manager, calls another number. The girl on the phone says that there have been delays in switching over numbers. That it will be SEVERAL MORE HOURS! I felt my heart sink. I asked him what I was supposed to do. He said they could let me borrow a phone if I really needed it. NO. I thought. I want my own. I want mine! I told him I wasn’t good. That the same thing happened when I switched to Sprint last year and that I hoped this wasn’t an indication of what was to come. I told him I was not happy and said again that this was not good.

I went home. I was terrified. How would I call people? I am so used to calling and saying I am near Starbuck’s meet me there. It is Friday night. How do I make plans with people. I was literally going thru cell phone withdrawals. I had to breath deep. I stayed home until it was time to go to the meeting. When I got there, I felt better. Whew! I went with out a cell phone for about 5 hours. It was so strange.

Phone calls

2007-03-01T17:21:00.000-06:00

I got an automated phone call from Sprint this morning letting me know that I was over my spending limit and that service was schedule to be interrupted. It gave me an option: press 1 to pay now by credit card etc. I did. Then there were more options. And then it said I did not qualify for credit card pay-by-phone feature. ARRRG.

So I called the regular 800 customer service #. I enter different info at the different prompts. Then it says My balance due is ZERO! That I have a credit of $180. huh? That’s not right. I prompt to a LIVE PERSON. We go over this. He says Sprint credited my account $250.
“why” I asked
“an error on our part.” He says
“what was that error?” I ask.
“International text messaging” he replies.
“Ok.” I say. “So how much do I owe you?”
“nothing. You have a credit.” He answers.
“OK. I have to pay you. If you made and error and fixed it, I would still owe my monthly payment right?” trying to get him to agree.
“NO. you have a credit.” He responds.
“Look.” I say, “If I owe you $100, and you over charge me $250 and then credit me that $250, I still owe you $100. the number don’t lie.” I explain.
He is frustrated now and just say, “Sir, you have $180 credit.” That’s all he says.
I ask him.” Let me get this right. Basically, Sprint just GAVE me $250. That’s it. For an error that you made.”
“yes.’ He says and sighs.
I just said thank you.
I am so tired of this company. I switched last year with a 2 year agreement. It costs $175 to cancel. Since I have a $180 credit, I am gonna use that toward the cancellation fee. It is time to switch. I am going to the Sprint store to see if they can explain this to me any better. If not I am going with Verizon! And they are right across the street from the Sprint store.

Just Waiting

2007-02-28T10:20:00.000-06:00

I am just sitting here. Waiting for my next assignment to call and let me know they are ready for me. I went on an appointment yesterday thinking I was going to get started. Well, they had other plans.

What do I do with my time? I am going to teach yoga this afternoon. Thank goodness for my part time job. It helps keep me in check.

Staying Caught Up

2007-02-27T21:44:00.000-06:00

I am trying my darndest to stay current on my 40 entries. Geez. I didn’t think it would be this hard. BUT hell, I haven’t been blogging a lot lately. Mostly, I think my life is pretty boring. Who want to hear about the boring meeting I had with hospital administrators today? -----silence falls across the room--- that is what I thought. Tee-hee-hee

So I guess this counts as an entry.

Home

2007-02-26T07:15:00.000-06:00

It feels good to be home. I missed Coco so much! We played and played last night. Hahahaha I love playing with here. She is a pretty spry puppy for being 8 years old!

There was a lot to do. I forget how traveling disrupts home life. I had to regular old chores, laundry, dishwasher, vacuums the rugs, etc. people that know me might not think I do things like that. But I do. I went thru the mail. It was necessary to catch up with certain people too. I gotta stay connected.

I have a busy day today. Drive to Lake Jackson, pick up some stuff for work. Meet with my sponsor, listen to a 5th step, grab some tea, meet with another sponsoree, and then my usual standing Monday night dinner with a dear friend and the meeting. I won’t be home till late. I’m worn out already and I am not even dressed to get the day started. I should run now. I don’t want to be late.

Sunday Drive

2007-02-25T20:40:00.000-06:00

I woke up today and was in good spirits.

I had so much fun with my friends at a fundraiser last night. After the fundraiser, I called my friend and made plans to meet out at a local dance club. I thought we were gonna go dancing. Instead, we watched a drag show. I LOVE A GOOD TEXAS DRAG SHOW! Bars aren’t exactly conducive to conversation, so we watched, nodded to each other yelled a few comments and basically had a good time. After ward, we decided to leave. I went back to the hotel, he went home. Saying we would see each other today.

My friend texted me directions to the park to meet him. I went to watch him play soft ball, or rather watch him at soft ball practice. I was late due to watching TV. That is a really bad habit! I have been working on that since new year’s. I was doing a pretty good job till today. Dang!

It was a great sunny day. Crisp, cool weather. I sat on the bleachers and watched. He is a fast runner. lol

I started to feel like I was invading his space. (believe me, I know all this is in my head and it is all about my issues.) then I started thinking that all his friends were probably wondering who I was. Then …. Then…. Then… you know how that committee in my head starts talking. I tried to get his attention but he was way out in the field. I thought about yelling out and waving bye. I was thinking so much that I figured I should get on the road to come back to Houston. I was feeling so uncomfortable, I finally just left. Again, I know these are my own issues – no one else’s.

One the way home I started feeling guilty. I should have waited to say good bye properly. I should have just sat thru my uncomfortable feelings. I should have, I should have etc.

The drive was nice. I enjoyed some speaker cds and some great music too. It was great weather for a nice Sunday drive home.

The day after

2007-02-24T14:38:00.000-06:00

So we had a good time last night. He didn’t spend the night like I wanted. And that is strange for me. Normally, I get what I want and kick ‘em out. No really. I’m serious. I felt weird asking him if he wanted to stay. He said he could not spend the night, and he did this at the beginning of the evening. So here we are at the end of the evening. We made out a little bit, and lay in bed together. It felt great. I enjoyed it for what it was and when he left I watched TVand went to bed. We are supposed to spend the day together today. He has other plans this evening with a local non profit. I am gonna hang with some of my friends that live here during that time. Then we are supposed to get together after…. His event is over at 11pm. That is kinda late to start a date – but it’s not like I have anything else going on….

A Fun Weekend Away

2007-02-23T10:12:00.000-06:00

I am on my way to visit my friend. I am so nervous. I have never done this before – gone to visit someone I would love to date. And we ;live in different cities. Many of my friends have done this kinda stuff. They are always meeting guys and going to visit. I have one friend in particular which ALWAYS has HOT, HOT, guys come visit him from really far away places, Like Chicago, Seattle, New York, DC… that is crazy to me.

So here I am putting myself out there. Luckily I have other friends where I am going. And I have made up my mind that I am just gonna have fun. It is a fun weekend away.

I wasn’t being ignored

2007-02-22T07:34:00.000-06:00

I forget sometimes that I do not know everything. Hahahahaha

For example. I am supposed to go visit this guy I met about a month ago. He lives in another Texas city. I am supposed to stay with him. And I got scared. After talking to a few good friend and one very savvy sponsor – I decided to stay in a hotel. This is the first time we were gonna be spending time together – kinda like a first date and I did not want to last 3 days. I had also called him on Sunday. On Monday I sent him an email saying how I saw the weekend going and asked what his thoughts were. I had not heard back from him. I just knew I had scared him off. I am so aware that I have commitment issues as it is. I kept telling myself that I had run him off thru that.

Last night when I went to walk the puppy princess, I grabbed my phone so I could his call him. As I grabbed my cell, it rang. It was him. My heart raced. “hello” I said. “what’s up?” he responded. We chatted a bit. I brought up the subject of the weekend visit. He said it was good. And then asked if I had received his response to my email. I said I had not.

Then he just flat out says, “So you have been thinking all this time that I was ignoring you huh? Is that Why you didn’t call me yesterday?” I was so busted. He laughed a little a said “Now it makes sense.” Dude, I’m thinking to myself, this kind of crazy thought process is why I don’t like dating. It drives me insane. I have so many weird thoughts. “I was honest and said, “yeah. I thought maybe you had changed your mind about the weekend. I really did, I thought you were ignoring me.”

He just said, “Naw. I wasn’t ignoring you.”

Whew. No I am looking forward to the weekend again.

Out of the Ashes

2007-02-21T20:32:00.000-06:00

Ash Wednesday. Hmm. Been a while since I’ve thought about Catholic holy days. I had one very important appointment this morning. I called Goddess Mother to see if she wanted to join me at the Chapel of St Basil for mass. She agreed and I was little excited. I have not seen her in quite some time. AND I had not been to mass in even longer. I miss going to mass. The ritual of it all. I am touched by some of the things we say at different times. Like “It is right to give Him thanks and praise.” Sometimes I forget to say thank you to my Higher Power for all I have been given. And I forget that everything I am and have is due to Him.

I thought long and hard about what to give up for Lent. Such an auspicious time of the year. Well, I will not go into all that as it is personal and the whole point is that it is between me and HP. What I will say is that it occurred to me that I am usually more balanced when I write. I have not been blogging as you can all tell. So the idea came to me that maybe I should blog – 40 entries in 40 days. So here we go.

Let No One Steal Your Peace emerges out of the ashes or Ash Wednesday.

2007

2007-01-01T08:53:00.000-06:00

New Year’s eve was a huge success. I did struggle over whether or not things would go well. I had a second and third friend step in to help a little. What I learned is that I can get it all done, sometimes I just need a little encouragement and support. I need to know that I am not alone, however, I am the one doing the work. See. Good comes from everything.

Damn IT

2006-12-30T14:44:00.000-06:00

I hate to put myself out there. I did this and have been feeling some pretty raw emotions.
I asked a friend for help and he agreed. When I called the day I needed that help, my calls were not answered or returned. I was in a tough spot and figured I should pull myself up by the boot straps. So I did. I felt just awful tho. Everything got done, but I was in so much fear.

I just kept thinking to myself, “See, no one will ever be there to take care of you. You have to do that yourself.” It was not the bitchy, "If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself." It was more of a sad, 'You are alone and you alone are responsible for you. No one will take care of you.' And under that was probably, “You are not worth anyone’s time.. You are not worth anyone taking time out to take care of you.”

So I felt like I put myself out there, became vulnerable by asking for help, and I was just punched really hard - caught completely off guard and had the wind knocked out of me.

Don’t know what to do. Maybe nothing. I have just been thinking that I am truly the only one responsible for me. It is my job, no one else’s to assure that my life and my affairs get taken care of.

Some one stole my peace, but some good will come of it. I know that for sure.

All I Want for Christmas….

2006-12-26T14:35:00.000-06:00

This holiday season has been truly hectic and crazy.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS is a SILENT NIGHT!

And guess what? That is exactly what I got. I went to my mom’s and then to my Goddess Mother’s on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day I volunteered to teach a yoga class in the morning. I am so glad I did. There were lots of people that attended that class and were so happy that someone was there to teach.

After that, I cam home, made a green bean casserole (my favorite) and warmed up the turkey breast and ham from Honey baked ham company and sat in front of the TV to watch movies. I rented six of them. I guess I sat down about noon. And I ate, and watched, and ate and laughed and cried and had exactly what I wanted for Christmas – a little PEACE to rejuvenate my soul.

Peace on Earth, Good will toward men.

Merry Christmas everyone.

It's Not the Sunset, BUT The Dawn

2006-12-22T18:11:00.000-06:00

So here is a picture that Little Man took in South Korea. It is actually a sunset. Isnt that just beautiful? I love sunsets and sunrises. I love that there are times when I cant tell one from the other. Almost like a moment in time where I cant tell whether it is starting or ending.

There is a song that says something like that. "It's not the sunset but the dawn, a time when memories linger on." we sang that in my fifth grade graduation. I was in the choir. That's the only line I remember tho. I;m getting off topic.

The point is, I have not been blogging. I have been keepinga journal tho. and that writing has helped tremendously. I have not had time or been wliing to make the time, to read blogs much less write in my own blog.

So here is the deal. I have not gone away, I am still here.

At LET NO ONE STEAL YOUR PEACE.....

It is not the sunset but the dawn, a new begining.

Journey

2006-09-28T06:11:00.000-05:00

I am so excited. I am off the see the Serene Silver Fox in New Jersey. I have been looking forward to this trip and spending time with her. I was once told that no one could actually inspir you, but they could set the stage for inspiration to happen. I know that is what will happen.

We are gonna spend time on the farm. We are gonna go to Atlantic City for a day. And of course eat all the Asian food we can fit in ourselves. maybe there will be other places. All I know is that we will be like two giddy school girls. I need that so much - to just be me and chill with someone that has no judgement, no expectation, no rules; other than having fun, of course.

I will be sure to write about the trip with all of it's details upon my return.

PS I know I have not been blogging. I have some thoughts every now and then. I keep thinking that my life is just not that interesting. That there is nothing to write about. If the muses come to me during this long weekend, hopefully that will change. Actually, I will re-phrase that. The muses will come to me and I will be inspired to blog more frequently. =)

Delightful Surprise

2006-08-16T13:33:00.000-05:00

I went to a meeting last night and ran into Jim from One Gay At A Time. He was sitting across the room from me and kept looking at me. It made me a little uncomfortable. (obviously I had not recognized him as it was a dimm room) So in my head I am thinking this guy is being awfully forward just staring. THen I figured I would stare back and when I did I finally saw who it was and was just ALL SMILES. It took everything I had not to run acrooos the room and hug him. I like surprises like that. You know, When I am just gong along with life, placing on foot in front of the other and then a friend from far away is right in front of me. AWESOME! It was nice to spend some time with afterward and catch up. if you had not been to his blog, go. Lots of eye candy. :)

Living Life

2006-08-12T13:06:00.000-05:00

I can't believe how long it has been since I posted. I have constantly been wanting to post things going on; so many things happening. You know - LIFE.

I have been so swamped with work and volunteer stuff, and yoga and well, my life is pretty full. At the same time, everything, it seemed, was getting to me. There was so much going on that I had to start eliminating some things from my schedule. Sadly, blogging was one of them. I cant believe I have not even been reading blogs! I have quite a bit of catching up to do with reading and writing. I will say that I am now making a commitment to posting a several times a week.

I had become a little obsessd with blogging. lol Like everything that gets my attention - it's either all or nothing. :) I had to start making choices. I was reading and living vicariously, in a way, thru others blogs. Instead, I decided to start living life. Life, its seemed at times, was passing me by. It was time to live life and truly practice what I had been taught in all areas of my life. It was time to Let No One Steal My Peace.

What Peace?

2006-05-11T20:41:00.000-05:00

My PEACE is just plain gone. It’s been stolen from me. One thing I had not thought about before is that I COULD BE THE ONE STEALING MY OWN PEACE. Didn’t see that coming at all. My life seems to be so out of balance. I am constantly worrying about my weight and body size. (I’m the heaviest I have been – ever.) that may not be important to most, but it is creating unhappiness for me. So much that I cant enjoy a meal, a workout, yoga class, Especially yoga class. Ughh!

Not only that. It just seems like everythning gets on my nerves. Everything and everyone seems to annoy me, get under my skin and steal my peace. I get so frustrated with people lately. For all kinds of things. I just tend to keep my mouth closed and bite my tongue. I am well aware of the filthy mouth I have on me and how my words and tone can be razor sharp.

I am trying to stay in place of love so that I do not have to come back to anyone and make any amends. I hate making amends. I am often asking myself, “Is this a kind statement? Is it loving? Does it have to be said? Does it have to be said BY ME? Does it have to be said by me RIGHT NOW?” by the time I get to that last one, the answer is definitely NO! So I just go on about my business.

God, I want my peace back. God, Keep me out of my own way and grant me peace.