The Elective Whisper

World of Warcraft

2009-05-26T13:51:00.005-05:00

Hey I went cruisin' for trolls today.

Quantum of Solace

2009-05-25T08:18:00.012-05:00

I'm a James bond fan from way back. I can still remember nights from my youth spent watching the movies. Of course the single most lucid recollection is that the movies seemed to have lasted longer than the traditional fare from network TV. A whole two and a half hours at times .. but anyways.

Quantum of Solace. What does it mean? How did it become the name of the 22nd film in a franchise spanning 46 years?

I don't know. I never caught it. I did hear the mention of the word Quantum once as they uttered what the bad guys had decided to call their ultra secrete comic book club. So I'll just assume that it was because it was the coolest sounding name on the white erase board.

To hurry this along a little. The opening sequence continued exactly where the last film left off.

Bond brooding over the betrayal of his previous love interest continues exactly where the last film left off and everything else that could have possibly been injected into this film from the previous one, was ... sigh ... injected into this one exactly where the last one had left off.

Don't you just love having to watch a 2 hour prequel to a prequel. It should have come with a warning. An explanation or as a double feature. Maybe, with one of those scrolling Star Wars explanations that they used to explain why they were to lazy to simply make a self contained serialized movie.

In a movie far, far away...

The are no gadgets. No Q. No witty one liners for comic relieve. Just the constant broodiness of this new version of the character.

All in all, it's a Bond film and worth watching. I simply long for watches that fire laser beams, exploding fountain pens and the occasional funny remark that distinguishes James Bond from...well...every other overly sad and tortured action hero at the box office.

How would I have changed it?

I would have opened with Bond dreaming about the death of his beloved Vesper, from the previous film. Then eerily had the ghostlike incarnation wake him just as twenty bad guys entered his room from every conceivable entry point.

The next minute and thirty seconds would have consisted of James Bond fighting off his attackers with a man-sized goose-down pillow that inevitably rips open, emptying it's contents into the air. What?

I would have then ended the opening scene and started the traditional 007 opening song with a widening shot of him as the only thing left standing in a room of electrical shorts and slowly falling pure white feathers.

..all while wearing Speedracer pajamas.

Taken

2009-05-23T07:32:00.008-05:00

The Short Version is that it's a mindless, enjoyable action flick starring Liam Neeson.

Ok. Liam Neeson. Big Fan!

The totally erroneous and fractured plot points. not so much ...but you say it's an action film!

I say .. If that's all it tried to be, I'd be happy. The only problem I have is that it tried to tell a story. In Fact, just go ahead and skip the first twenty minutes altogether, the last ten if you want to and you'll find an action flick worthy of Jason Statham himself.

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, a story of an ex-military Liam Neeson that has apparently given up his career as the self proclaimed 'Preventor of the World' so that he can be closer to his uncaring daughter.

It portrays Mr. Neeson's character as some super, untouchable, wannabe dad who apparently has the ability to find anyone, anytime and do whatever he wants to them with absolutely no consequences and no resources of any kind.

(Insert Jack Bauer Joke here.)

He also has about a half a dozen ex-military best friends who continuously beg him to re-join the ranks of their exclusive 'Preventor Club' but for some reason they completely disappear when Neeson's daughter is kidnapped and sold into slavery as an underage prostitute. Whaa?

As if that wasn't enough to make one's head spin with thoughts of abandonment.

The girl's mother and stepfather are just as obscenely rich as they are totally oblivious to the outside world and literally lift just one finger to help their daughter. They throw bio-dad from their private jet directly over the offending European city (Paris) and tell him to 'Fetch'.

Which he does.

Other than that. I loved to watch the indestructible Neeson use his arsenal of ex-Jedi mind tricks to search the world for the voice that dared to tell him 'good luck' in finding his daughter, because let's face it. You really don't want to be a smartass to an Irishman, turned Jedi, turned American action star, turned bio-dad over the phone from France, if you've just kidnapped his daughter. You will most assuredly get your ass kicked.

Did I hear you ask how I would have changed it?

Glad you asked.

I would have left Liam Neeson and his friends in their para-military bag and sent the entire group into to Paris with all of the ordinance they could carry.

or

Since the movie had at least two X-men in it (Jean Grey, Toad) and a Jedi Knight we might as well of just given all their powers back and tied the little brat on top of the Eiffel Tower so we could have watched the Telekinesis Queen and Master Jedi fight it out.

The Spirit

2009-05-23T07:16:00.004-05:00

The short verison is that it is a poor adaptation of a graphic novel by a seemingly inexperienced Director ... and a bad movie.

Yeah, yeah I know the cinematics resemble movies like '300' and 'Sin City' and for good reason. Namely the director was somewhat involved in all three. If it makes you feel any better, I liked '300'.

However, this one has a different feel to it and that feeling is of confusion. I say this because for the life of me I can not figure out why Samuel L Jackson was wearing a Hitler costume while standing in front of a swastika for a good portion of the film and what was the deal with the genetically engineered jumping/head/foot thing that we were forced to stare at for several minutes while Jackson kept repeating, "That's just damn weird."

My opinion is that after making the film someone on the developing team actually watched the damn thing and pointed out that not one minute of it was remarkable beyond the words 'Samuel L Jackson, in the opening credits.

So they all gathered around a giant mocha non-fat crapachino and decided on the two things that they thought would make people remember that they had actually watched a movie. A black Hitler and a tiny head, on a small foot, hopping around a table.

How would I have changed it?

I would have put Jackson on a plane.

Then I would have put a buncha snakes on that same plane.

Then I would have made The Spirit dance on the wing every time that Jackson looked out the window, effectively driving him insane so that he would attach exactly eight twenty foot mechanical arms to his torso, call himself the Octopus and inject his cat with a serum of invincibility.

The Tale of Despereaux

2009-05-22T06:20:00.015-05:00

The Short version is it's a nice G-Rated Film aimed at the younger audience.

It wasn't at all the best animated film 'aka cartoon' I've ever watched but it's always nice to see Hollywood (aka Disney) make an attempt at a wholesome family oriented product.

It ,of course began like all movies do, as a series of children stories from 2003 called "The Tale of Despereaux: Being the Story of a Mouse, a Princess, Some Soup, and a Spool of Thread" written by Kate DiCamillo and then adapted for the big screen.

It begins with narrator Sigourney Weaver telling us about the Kingdom of Dor where apparently the royalty, the peasants and the vermin all lived in perfect harmony around the most perfect substance in the world...Soup.

That is until that rat Dustin Hoffman was running around and fell into the beloved Queen's bowl of liquid heaven, while her back was turned, and gave her a heart attack. Thus, sending the King down a dark hole of grieve that could only be quenched by banning all Soup and Dustin Hoffman's from the Kingdom forever.

Enter our Hero Despereaux. Another tiny, admittedly much cuter, plague carrier with eyes and ears the size of .. well the rest of his entire body. We open to Despereaux playing a very believable Mathew Broderick as a pirate on the high seas that is left stranded in the Kingdom of Dor at almost the exact moment that the Kingdom is Plunged into darkness .

As we flash back and receive a glimps of Matthew Broderick's childhood we also discover that he possesses the mutant like ability to visualize and project his thoughts, in story form, directly on the wall behind him. So much so that if he becomes engrossed in a book we can actually see him injected into the story seemingly as the most heroic character available.

Almost immediately we understand that Matthew Broderick and Dustin Hoffman are somehow related and since Hoffman is banned from the Kingdom of Dor so is Matthew Broderick by association. In fact he is so banned that he is physically ejected from the Kingdom of Dor, or as Dustin Hoffman calls it Mouse World, and falls down a deep hole into another much darker place called...RAT WORLD .. A sort of purgatory filled with decaying bones, dark moody music and a single dish, community feeding trough.

While there Broderick and Hoffman team up into an unlikely duo and embark on the road to redemption. Along the way they they return to the Kingdom of Dor and are befriended by the beautiful princess Emma Watson and peasant girl Tracy Ullman, 'played by Ms. Piggy'. There they find the true meaning of friendship, a closet full of ridiculously large red hats and live happily everafter.

How would I have changed it?

I would have made it live action and dressed everyone up like the characters from Spaceballs.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People

2009-05-21T08:51:00.006-05:00

I love the snarky brittish wit that Simon Pegg does so well. Partly because ..well...He's British ...and he's snarky. is that even a word

The main character in the film is apparently based upon a real person but who cares. If I wanted to know the biography of ol' what's his name I'd watch ..well The Biography Channel.

This is a movie starring Simon Pegg, Kirsten Duntz in a very forgetable and thankless role and a barely recognizable Jeff Bridges. It spends it's time portraying the rise and fall of a womanizing, drink guzzling, cocaine snorting guy whose name I can't remember but who is played by Simon Pegg.

It follows his journey from a small mostly ignored magazine that he runs out of his apartment with borrowed equipment, through his hiring at a national New York magazine and is based on the published memoirs of the same name by some guy named .. Toby Young who is again .. played by Simon Pegg.

In the end watching the movie was better than doing chores.

How would I have changed it?

I would have opened with a Toby Young, that surprisingly looks like Simon Pegg, writing his memoires when all of a sudden one of those liquidized terminators comes back in time, kills Toby Young, changes into Simon Pegg and successfully steals his identity.

He then reads Toby Young's memoir and preserves it until the future, periodically using it to go back and kill Toby Young until eventually it takes over that famous magazine, that I can't seem to remember, and make the entire story more memorable that it really was.

Underworld: The Rise of the Lycans

2009-05-20T09:14:00.011-05:00

I am somewhat biased toward anything supernatural I love Vampires, Werewolves and all of the little creepy crawlers that fall through their long, bony - undead fingers.

I like to listen to the guy who play's the character Viktor. His name is Bill Nighy. He was Davy Jones in The Pirates of the Caribbean. The world he pronounces some of his worlds is kinda cool.

So I obviuosly like this movie but they ended it like it was an after thought. It's almost like they forgot that this is the third installment in a tradition of three installments and then thought, "Hey we better go back and put an ending on it of somekind. Noone will care what kind of an ending. We can just show a picture from one the earlier movies. You know the ones that were based in the future and then voice a quote while still showing that picture of the future title character from the past."

Yes they thought exactly that and it made since to someone.

How would I have changed it?

I would have made a rival clan of Vampires, They're leader being Dick Cheney. The resulting story arc would have consisted of Dick Cheney trying to overthrow the coven in order to become supreme commander of his own kind.

Home Theater Project...

2007-01-24T02:37:00.000-06:00

Help Wanted: Looking for computer geeks. Must be knowledgeable in the art of homemade alternatives to commercial solutions, in the area of electronics and technology. Problem solving a must. Education unnecessary. Apply within..

We have "Tech Guys" at work. It's all that they do. They went to college for it and they float around the workplace on superior ether spewing their factual and textbook like knowledge of computerized gadgetry into the forum. So when I got stumped on my future Home Theater's file server idea I chased them down to find some much needed input on what the best way to proceed was. They were no help. No help at all. Four years of computer lab, huge salaries and a Bachelor's and they have no idea what I'm talking about when I say I want to build a multi-terabyte file server that acts like a 'single expandable and external hard drive' instead of a computer with it's on IP address on a network.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect everyone to know what a sata controller and an IDE ribbon is and I hope that all of the actual writers out there don't actually expect me to know how to write like they can. We all have our hobbies and our likes and dislikes. Everyone is different but if someone is going to get a Bachelors in Computer Technology, then shouldn't they actually have to learn something about computer technology. I mean knowing how to use Google and read forums didn't used to get you a degree but apparently it does now.

When I was talking this over with my Wife tonight she made the point that they were schooled from a book in a world where companies buy already formed solutions. All they do is implement those solutions via textbook instructions. She also suggested that I blog about it since it and blogging are my main hobbies and I am fairly spirited about them.

I, like many other hobbyists did not learn from books. We learnt from trial and error, because we can't afford the commercial solutions and we have to find homemade alternatives that we can make work for a dime. The problem is that, as hobbyists, we have to self learn every time we tread new ground and it takes a community.

I am registered on several forums and I spend hours and hours researching for researches sake. I even email my friends and ask their opinions because usually if I can't figure it out they can or they know where to look.

So anywho, I'm feeling a little bit stumped. As I said I have been working on my Home Theater again in my free time* and I have it working. It's actually working pretty darn well. I chose to use the Snapstream front-end as it was complete and upgradable and it looks nice.

My Home Theater Computer is now able to record Digital TV and then serve it up to the overhead projector with the remote control while I sit in relative reclining comfort. The only problems I have now are hiding the wires, dressing out the room a little more and the most important part, I need to find a Mass storage solution. You see the whole idea of this thing is to save any and all TV ( some of it in High Def) on a hard drive so that I can watch it at my leisure. Hard drives fill up fast when you start recording video. Really, really fast and If I want to keep what I record for any amount of time I'm going to seen storage space.

I have a few ideas but I haven't sorted it all out yet. What I need is a File server. A rather expandable File server. I'm wanting to be able to simply install another drive into the case and increase my storage ability whenever I want without to much hassle.

I am still a little backwoods in the technology department with IDE drives and older Dell equipment but it works and I keep it all up and bug free but I think that I might be better off using Sata controllers for my server as I understand that they can chain several more drives than the older IDE ribbon that my systems use now.

I am considering using a raid configuration in the future but at the moment I'm just planning on using a little piece of software that will make all the drives in the case appear as one single hard drive so that my software will see everything that I have available to watch at one time. I realize the risks of doing this, if I have a drive failure in this configuration I will lose a lot of data but by the time I have to figure that part out hopefully I'll have a backup solution. Right now I need a hardware solution here are the ideas I have come up with thus far:

#1
I have thought of just building another computer and recycling an old AMD mother board to run it as a NAS (Network Attached Storage) in which I will be able to access from other terminals in the house. The problem is that apparently Snapstream has some problems saving video over a Network connection. I would have to go in and physically move the files over every so often. Doable but automation is king.

#2
I also thought of using an existing tower and installing extra IDE controllers via PCI slots to fill out whatever space I can within the old case. It wasn't made for this and The case can probably only hold Four drives but the heat would be terrible.

#3 and the one I like the best at the moment..Using this Cooler-master Stacker or some cheaper equivalent.

This particular tower sports Eleven External 5.25" Drive Bays. Talk about expandability. This is where I'm getting stuck. I am trying to figure out if it would be possible to turn this into an external drive bay for an already existing computer.

The existing computer incorporates Two IDE drives at the moment. I'm trying to figure out if I can take the second drive out or both drives out of the existing computer and install either a single Eight port sata controller or two Four port controllers and then run Three meter sata cable from the computer to the Cooler-master case, in which I will install only Sata hard drives and a atx power supply. ( No motherboard)

Say that I leave the operating on the existing computer and run the cables to the CM expansion box. If I am correct this would allow me to run cable to most of the noisy hard drive bays tucked somewhere Nine feet away. It would also allow me to run it as an external Disk array and let me power the entire array down with one button.

On the other hand, If I take all the drives out of the existing computer and install the sata controllers, running the cables to my nearby drive array, I think it will boot from the expansion box. This would let me have an ultra quite set top box. Then The tower housing all of the noisy drives would be tucked in the back of the room out of site and out of mind.

My problem is how do I get the sata cables out of the box and into the expansion case. Is this even doable? Would it even work? Do they make external sata controllers? Maybe a Sata port replicator of some kind? Maybe I could just take one of the expansion dust plates off of the back of the computer and run the sata cable through the hole in the back of the computer but that doesn't sound to eye pleasing. I don't know but any input is welcomed...

By the way For the purpose of this post Free Time is defined as anytime spent not playing video games, Watching TV, watching music videos, eating, sleeping, working, learning to play the guitar, trying to decipher my son's 8th grade math or chasing wild animals off the farm...*

Flash Fiction Friday...

2006-12-15T02:55:00.000-06:00

As the cashier nodded at Tom he waved his hand over the pay terminal and began to leave the store while only glancing at the newspaper in his hand headlined ' The Ice Caps are Gone!'. He quickly scanned the rest of the page before looking up at the date in the upper right hand corner and seeing that it was September 24, 2045, silently wondered how he gotten here.

It hadn't always been like this. He remembered sitting on his father's lap some 40 years ago, as he had watched him type away on some kind of old mechanical keyboard, telling stories on the Internet. He had talked with all kinds of people from all around the world and reveled in their ideals and creativity, they had formed virtual communities and had even pooled resources when needed. He remembered reading, on his father's display, that the day would come when the ice caps would be gone and here it was. It had been predicted just like any number of other things. 40 years and everything had changed.

As Tom folded the paper under his arm and headed toward the door he watched two very neat and nearly identical teenage girls enter the store and couldn't help but remember again how things used to be. People were once different as was the entire country. People had once stood out from a crowd and imagination and individuality were revered.

Everything had changed, just like America had changed. Now everyone was able to look like a model and the entire country had embraced the fact. They had even made it their primary goal. Cosmetic surgery was now as common as the near perfect looks that a large percentage of the population now possessed. Somehow along the way the image of American beauty had become so narrow minded and so distorted that it had effectively made good looks into 'the look' and now a large number of Americans looked exactly the same.

He thought to himself that on the bright side, It appeared that it had finally started to reach a turning point and some minority groups had started reversing their surgeries, adopting more unique looks in an attempt to form some kind of individuality once again. What was once plain and normal was now becoming exotic and some people were starting to think that they wanted to stand out once again but cosmetic surgery would from now forward and forever be a permanent part of the culture that Tom had grown in to and embraced as a child. His one solace was that he had managed to keep his own family free and safe from it thus far.

Sure he had been labeled a purist and he and his family were forced to endure the autonomous stares and he was constantly worried about the direction his kids would choose once they were on their own and wanted to fit in. He worried if they would choose to believe that individuality was the key or if they would embrace elective surgery and begin re-making themselves into a massively general image. Only time would tell but he hoped against hope for the former.

As he walked down the sidewalk with his sunglasses on and his firmly pressed newspaper, Tom came to realize that he was essentially walking in a river of molded humans, all with the same height, weight, hair color and posture. Many even wearing the same clothes and rarely looking anywhere but directly ahead. Only a noticeable few stood out as anything different.

As the flow of foot traffic marched in either direction Tom could catch the occasional unaccepted purist making eye contact with him in passing, seemingly afraid of anything more and making It all to hard to forget the fact that unlike the time of his father when one could publicly speak their mind, now it was near impossible to broadcast yourself like he had watched dear old Dad do all those years ago.

No, now you had to register and submit your articles, so that they could be thoroughly scanned and then submitted or quashed. Mostly quashed and If you were caught broadcasting dissension without a license they would, interview and return you reconditioned and a much different person. A more law abiding person but indifferent and Tom didn't want that.

All he wanted was to be who he was. To be left alone with his thoughts and his memories of a good man typing on an old mechanical keyboard...

Real Life Coversations...

2006-12-13T03:44:00.000-06:00

I was sitting around listening to various 'real life' conversations today, as I often do and one in-particular caught my attention. I'm not sure why it did but it did. Maybe it was Nicole's recent post on Genetics.

Anyhoodles, (and yes I know I stole that word from Evangeline but it sooo rocks), the conversation was between three or four ladies at a table and was concerning a guy that they worked with whose job apparently requires him to sometimes be inside of an office alone with one of them. Not the same person all of the time mind you, it actually concerned two different people at that table.

Now this guy apparently is not doing anything wrong, according to them, but he is making the ladies feel uncomfortable by closing the door once they enter his personal office, sitting in an all to relaxed position, unbuttoning his coat and scratching all to close to things that, we as guys, only scratch in the company of other guys. Not to mention being just a little bit to creepy and married.

Now remember that I said that they were unclear on if he was actually doing anything wrong and that they were discussing all this in an open forum and although I don't always add my two cents I do always have the change...

My first question was very simply, "Why not just open the door?"

Lady #1 looks at me and answers, "Because then he would always feel uncomfortable around me and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable."

I could not form my next sentence into words actually so I just looked at her. You know something like a Cupped-hand-side-stare-shrug sort of thing that asked the silent question, "Are you frakkin serious?"

Lady #2 then says, "Yeah, I have the same problem and I don't know what to do about it either."

"Ok now, I'm a guy. Not a girl but if I'm in an office with a member of the opposite sex and the door gets closed I immediately get up and open the door. I do it with a smile and I do it as nonchalantly as I can, I am even guilty of sometimes pretending that it's for the fresh air but I do everything in my power to keep the door open. At least enough so that other people can see inside as they walk by. Sure people probably know why but I'd much rather it get around that I'm the guy that opens doors than that guy there."

There is no noble cause for doing this. I do this for my protection. Like Nicole stated in her recent Genetics post, Americans have a great fear of political correctness. I don't know where I learned this but I did. Maybe I was conditioned to think like this from an early age or maybe it was indeed some form of Americanized genetic code.

Now this guy here, might have been perfectly harmless I don't know but the questions that burn in my mind are. Don't people read? Don't they watch the news or attend the Red Light meetings? Don't they see all the crime shows where people do this sort of thing? They get you into someplace where you can leave just to see if you will leave. If you don't leave, if you don't open the proverbial door or you don't seem to mind being behind that door then it continues until one day your sitting in front of a jury trying to explain why your an idiot.

Furthermore, Even the appearance of doing something unethical can sometimes put you in a world of hurt and If you piss someone off it is very likely that they are going to seek revenge and it doesn't have to be for anything big. It can just be because they want your frakkin stapler or something and boom there you are.

Beyond a doubt the most dangerous people to piss off would be people that you are close to or that anyone else is close to. As close poeple tend to know where all of the skeletons are buried. So it surprises me why people do this sort of thing and it surprises even more when people who do this sort of thing expect sympathy after they get caught.

Here is a little bit of workplace wisdom that'll save an American marriage...

Rule #1 ~ Avoid even the appearance of impropriety

Rule #5 ~ Think with your head not your YooHoo

Rule #2 ~ Never get caught talking with a co-worker alone. Always have a crowd. Even if it's harmless!

Rule #3 ~ DO NOT send questionable voice messages, text messages, e-mails, little paper footballs or any other form of communique to anyone in the office. Come on even President Bush knows this one.

Rule #4 ~ If it makes you hot. If you think it's hot. Or if you think they're hot. Stay very very very far away.

Rule #6 ~ Don't ever try to convince yourself that your to smart to get caught. If you do something wrong or if it looks like you might be doing something wrong or if someone is doing something wrong in your presence, you will eventually get busted. If you try to hide it your an idiot.

Rule #7 ~ Tell your spouse EVERYTHING. To think for even one second that you can hide something from your spouse is retarded. They will find out and they will cut your balls off, (or the gender based equivalent) even if it's completely harmless and 'not your fault', because you were hiding it and that alone makes it your fault. Even if you didn't know you were hiding it at the time. Even if you 'forgot' to mention it. They will find out and it's better coming from you directly after an incident than from some freak with an 'appearance of naughty deeds notepad' that you pissed of earlier that day.

Just sayin...

Kafkaesque Monday

2006-12-11T02:20:00.000-06:00

My weekend is nearing its end. I so love my weekends. I love my time off from work, Of course I also like money and to buy all of the unnecessary things that I do not need, I have to work. It truly is a vicious circle.

Question of the day:

Who knows who Franz Kafka was?

I realize that I was probably the last person on earth to hear of him but in my defense, I never studied much literature in college, I was the math guy and I didn't know who he was until someone brought him up sometime last year. I think it was Charlie but I'm not sure. He even has his very own adjective:

Kafkaesque

adjective
1. relating to or in the manner of Franz Kafka or his writings
2. characterized by surreal distortion and a sense of impending danger; "the Kafkaesque terror of the endless interrogations"

Kafkaesque is an adjective which is used to describe concepts, situations, and ideas which are reminiscent of the literary work of Prague writer Franz Kafka, particularly his novel The Trial and his novella The Metamorphosis.

The term, which is quite fluid in definition, has also been described as "marked by a senseless, disorienting, often menacing complexity: Kafkaesque bureaucracies" [1] and "marked by surreal distortion and often a sense of impending danger: Kafkaesque fantasies of the impassive interrogation, the false trial, the confiscated passport . . . haunt his innocence" — The New Yorker. [2]

It can also describe an intentional distortion of reality by powerful but anonymous bureaucrats. "Lack of evidence is treated as a pesky inconvenience, to be circumvented by such Kafkaesque means as depositing unproven allegations into sealed files ..." Another definition would be an existentialist state of ever-elusive freedom while existing under unmitigatable control.

The adjective refers to anything suggestive of Kafka, especially his nightmarish type of narration, in which characters lack a clear course of action, the ability to see beyond immediate events, and the possibility of escape. The term's meaning has transcended the literary realm to apply to real-life occurrences and situations that are incomprehensibly complex, bizarre, or illogical.

I have to say that since then I have read some of his works and I have enjoyed much of his writing. I read one of his short stories recently called "The Hunger Artist" and in my sometimes warped frame of mind, I found it to be simply brilliant.

Although there is far to much to say about this guy on here, if you check out the Wikipedia article above and/or read any of his stories you might or might not agree with me.

I hope everyone has a good day. Stay safe...

This one's for Lorraine...

2006-12-10T05:51:00.000-06:00

Name: The Hairmetal Professor

Origin: A science experiment gone awry

Superhero Affiliations: The MTV Justice League

Super Villain Arch-Enemy: M.A.R.C. (Moms Against Ridiculous Costumes)

Superpowers: Mind control through energetic electric guitar riffs, Faking British accents and remotely controlling the volume controls on car stereos

Vulnerabilities: Scissors, The 90s and Alternative Rock

Long winded fiction ~ part deux

2006-12-07T06:35:00.000-06:00

The next morning...

" General Reak, Sir!, shouts O'Karr, "I seen the Warlock. I even attacked him but before I got to melee He spited me with witchcraft."

"You sure it was him you saw and not some drug enhanced illusion, soldier?"

"Oh, yes sir! We even traded curses and he threatened to shove me sword up me arse. It was him a'right."

"OK then, Good work. Take a half a dozen men and go find him. "

"Yes sir!"," Come on men we got us a Witch to find", a mischievous grin crosses O'Karr's face as he leads his patrol into the trees."

Several boring hours later...

"Sir, I mean no disrespect, but are you sure it was him? I mean co-ome on, we've been searching forever and not so much as a foot print.."

"Haven't you ever heard that warlocks can fly dirt bag? Keep looking!"

O'Karr kneels down and places both hands on the ground just as an unnaturally thick fog rolls in. "Must be the work of the witch! Stand fast, close a circle and kill anything that moves."

"Sir we can't see a blasted thing if he attacks from distance we'll not know it until its ....."

"Too late", Phelan finishes the soldier's sentence as O'Karr drops to the ground for no apparent reason.

"Charge him!"

Phelan points at the soldiers and waving a hand says, "Air", and wouldn't you know it, the soldiers all gasp for breath.

"I have no desire to fight you. Well, that's not true..haha.. I have no desire to kill you, even O'Karr there will be ok shortly. Here let me show you." He waves his hand back and they all breath air into their lungs with a suffocated sigh. " Now let me tell you a story a story of a man named Jed, a poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed."

"Damn it! Damn it to hell! Come on Grish! Let me finish this!"

Ok, now if he'll be serious for a moment, I have to warn you guys that this is a very serious matter. Do you understand?"

"We understand but who's Grish?."

"Gah! Every time! EVERYTIME! Why can't he just leave me be. I know it gets boring writing these adventures but damn it. Enough is enough!"

Phelan tries to regain his composure and looks at the ground in silence...

"Ok back to you soldiers, Now understand this. All I want is to be left alone but your General is after me and putting all of your lives at risk because of a personal vendetta he has against me stemming from a short interlude with his daughters ... both of them actually... At the same time. So let me ask you what is wrong with that? Nothing! Nothing at all !! So why can't you guys just leave me alone. I mean it's not like he has anyone else that I can nooner. Well maybe his sister but come on..."

"Wait. Daughters? Nooner? Damn it Grish! What the hell. Are we five? You couldn't have come up with anything better than a Nooner? Your ruining the damn story! It was supposed to be serious and poetic and .. and..."

*Phelan moans as he breaks out into song and begins to dance with one hand on his hip* "

"I'm a little teapot, short and stout, Here is my handle, Here is my spout, When I get steamed up, hear me shout, Just tip me ..over ..and ... pour ...me .. out! I'm a ..clever teapot .. yes it's ...true..."

OK! OK! I'll be good.. just quit it already. it doesn't make any difference now anyways, we've completely lost everyone ....", Phelan cuts his own sentence short as he raises his hand with lightning speed and snatches an arrow that was meant for his head. "Heey!...my man with the Ninja moves. Oh yeah!...we gonna kick some ass now..."

General Reak is behind you reloading his crossbow. I mean...

General Reak rushes to reload his crossbow, as two more soldiers near him pull back on recurves to loose at Phelan. Phelan suddenly begins to move in slow motion as we watch him bend over backwards, dodging arrows as they whiz above him leaving bullet trails before looking back at his captive soldiers and saying, "Sorry guys, be right back..."

Phelan turns around and grinning, runs toward the General, half turning as another slow motioned bolt whizzes past him. He then jumps into the air and lands upside down in an improvised handstand as he kicks the General square on the chin. Cart wheels around and goes airborne once more landing in a crossfire between the two guards. The familiar twang of two recurves and Grish ..I mean ... Phelan stretches out on one leg and snatches both arrows from the air, before anyone is skewered.

Looking down at his hands Phelan says, "Now that's what I'm talking about! That's all I wanted. Just to kick ass and take names! Was that so hard?"

"Well, was it you pansy ass ... I mean ...err .. nooo...mommy"

Phelan grimaces as his pants burst into flames ....

Long winded fiction...

2006-12-06T09:04:00.000-06:00

Looking up at the strangers, Phelan couldn't help but think back on the last couple weeks. He had been underground for sometime today exploring the caves around the village guided by Y-ki ,one of the local youth and had let himself become enchanted by the area just outside while reflecting on his most recent underground adventure and now as he watched the soldiers enter the valley he realized that his guard had been down, a fact that he was all to ashamed of at the moment.

He had been here for a while now and the natural beauty of the village still took his breath away. The villagers had admitted to him several days earlier that they used a kind of nature magic to protect the greenery around them against disease and drought and even though there were no druids among them, they did an excellent job. There was not one dead leaf, shrub or plant in any direction and when the wind blew, you could swear that the trees were singing.

Y-ki having lived there all of his life had undoubtedly known why Phelan had stopped at the mouth of the cave and had politely stepped aside to let the enchantment run it's course. That is until he had seen the strange men.

Phelan had awoke to Y-ki grabbing his shoulder and pointing at the tree line and When Phelan's eyes had finally focused, he saw a dozen men wearing strange clothing with drawn swords and immediately knew why they had come. Instinctively reaching for his sword he remembered placing it in his hut before leaving out that morning. He was still armed with magic as formidable as it was, but needed his things to mount any kind of a lasting defense.

Trying to remain calm he turns to Y-ki and places his hand over the boy's eyes and whispers a few inaudible words, then removes it a moment later.

Y-ki can now see that he is no longer at the opening to the cave but in the village with Phelan as he gathers his things, "Friend Phalen what has happened? Was it you that brought us back here? Are these men friends too?"

"I don't have time to explain it all right now . Just know that those men are no friends of mine and they have come to do you and your people harm in order to find me.", wanting to leave it at that but seeing the troubled look on his friends face he adds," Y-ki I thought I had escaped this. I didn't think they would find me here and never meant to bring this to your people but now that it is here I will do everything I can to protect your village."

"Elders will protect you I think, You stay here, I will be back."

"There is no time. I have to act. Once they reach the village they will not talk, they will not ask questions and they will not show mercy. They will start killing and not stop until everyone is dead or dying and then they'll torture the wounded. You only have time to go to your elders, tell them what is happening. Tell them to leave them to me."

"I will do as you ask Friend Phelan but elders do what elders do and I cannot promise they will do as you ask."

"I know but you'll do what you can. Now go."

As the door closes behind his friend, Phelan fastens his sword to his belt and puts on his brown overcoat, then closing his eyes and visibly concentrating whisperers to himself once again, a moments pause and then, "18 of them. I guess dingle nuts decided nine was to easy for me last time. Now to just find one by himself", closing his eyes again,"There's one!" Holding his hand up in the air he says an arcane word, shimmers for an instant and reappears a moment later finding himself behind a man sized rock. He stands up straight and steps into view.

The soldier jumps, startled as Phelan appears in front him. Visibly rattled he regains his composure, "Warlock! My names O'karr and I have come for ya'. If you turn yourself in now, I might be obliged to fore-go a bit of the torture that be waitin ya'."

Phelan, chuckling just loud enough for him to hear, casually takes a few steps to one side and bows his head, stops and then slowly turns to face the man while opening his long coat and tucking it behind the hilt of a sword. He rests one hand on the guard of his weapon and stabs the thumb of the other into his belt.

"You know who I am, so why don't you drop that blade of yours and I won't shove it up your arse"

With a warcry, the soldier raises a large two handed sword above his head and charges forward ready to bring it crashing down on his opponent. Phelan immobile waits until the soldier closes in and then quickly raises a glowing palm. Fear flashes before the soldier's eyes as he hits an invisible wall and falls backwards into the leaves, unconscious.

Phelan can't help from shaking his head and laughing at the man lying on his back still holding the sword above his head with both hands, " I love it when they do that.".

With a half smile Phelan kneels next to the soldier and places his hands on either side of the man's head...

Hug a Computer Geek...

2006-12-02T11:34:00.000-06:00

It isn't glamarous but I guess somebody has to do it...:)

Pictorial Wednesday...

2006-11-29T04:56:00.000-06:00

I guess that Garfield here has been feeling a little left out lately. Saying something about 'equal airtime' sooo...

He's apparently decided to take a little vacation to Guatemala... Or at least that's what the box says. Wave bye bye to the audience!

This is quite possibly the healthiest isle in the ENTIRE store...

Superman! only $15 at a store near you...

Things around the Castle...

2006-11-28T06:27:00.000-06:00

You probably thought I was joking when I told you that we needed some groceries. Well here is proof. This is all we had left in the fridge...

And now I'd like to introduce my new invention. The fantastic auto-face fridge. Yup my fridge always looks just like this. Never a thing out of place and a place for everything. Get yours today!

Last summer I wrote about the fact that I was taking donated computers and spare parts and piece-mealing free ones together, so that I could give them away to people who otherwise couldn't afford them. This is one of them that I had given away and the new owner recently got a better hard drive for it and found that he was unable to install it himself. So he brought it back to me. :)

I have had it since before Thanksgiving but just haven't gotten motivated to work on it yet, what with all the other stuff that's been going on and the fact that I'm just being a little bit lazy. I guess since the computer was free and I'm not charging to upgrade it he can't complain to much though. If you look real close you can see some of the Duct tape that I had installed to hold the case together. lol

Weekend Recap...

2006-11-27T04:13:00.000-06:00

My Four day weekend is coming to a close. I love long weekends. I could really get used to this whole 'stay at home thing', it allows me to indulge in my hobbies a little more. It seems that my brain only has so much creativity available and working forty to fifty hours a week stifles it pretty good.

I managed to write extensively in my 'Stories Journal', my Blog Journal, come up with some nifty places to visit on our family trip next May and finished nearly all of my Christmas shopping. I really enjoyed every minute of the weekend with my family. It also occurs to me that less than a month from now I get another even longer five day weekend that'll include my 15th wedding anniversary and the Christmas Holiday.

As far as the laptop search goes, well even though I indeed said that Dell was 'boring' they'll probably get my money. The only thing that I have to decide still is the size of the screen and I'll order it next weekend.

I just realized that I haven't been out of the house since Friday morning. I've needed to but I just couldn't talk myself into doing it. We're nearly out of everything except for some meat in the freezer and Iced Tea. We could actually make a go of it but the kids like milk on their cereal and I like my Diet Pepsi. So I reckon that I must go get some viddles.

OH! and I'm happy to report that Grish Grishham and his band of miscreants are now back home safely having evaded all of the Zombie Shoppers of last Friday. Lol

Everyone have a good day...:)

Indecision Sunday...

2006-11-26T09:23:00.000-06:00

Gah! I just spent the last several hours looking at Laptops and I'm brain fried. Why does it have to be so difficult anyways?

I've never owned a laptop, I've always opted for desktops instead. They're a little more powerful, a little more customizable and I'm some what of a gamer. It's kinda what we do. We like to customize and add this and that and torque whatever so it'll squeeze a little more horsepower out of the thinga-ma-jigger-rigger-thingy and maybe .. just maybe give us that extra millisecond we need to beat the other guy at the draw.

But now I'm needing a somewhat more mobile solution, something that I can fold up every once and a while and take with me. Even something that I can take on vacation with me this spring. We plan on taking a Lotta digital pictures when we go and I plan on still being able to blog and whatever else that I want to do when I have the time but man trying to find the right laptop for yourself is enough to give one a headache.

I looked on Dell and I've had pretty good luck with Dell in the past, I mean as long as I don't need to call their crappy customer service or anything, but they really need to change the looks of their cases. BORING.

I looked at Alienware, even though they are now owned by Dell, and I like the little glowing Alien on the lid. It's cool but expensive. After doing my research I found lots of mixed concerns that they are currently circling the drain and are no longer the Rebel manufacturer that they once were. Sure they sell AMD chips but so what, HP has been doing that for years.

I don't really need an ultra portable solution, since I'm not in college or anything. I'm not going to be going to coffee shops and writing on it. We don't even have coffee shops around here to write in. I just need something that folds up nicely. Something that I can plug into a cigarette lighter during a 5,000 mile round trip and something that will still be usable for the other 48 weeks of the year.

Which reminds me I need to post pictures of my ongoing computer media center project soon. Well time for a much needed nap...

Crafty Saturday...

2006-11-25T07:20:00.000-06:00

As you may of may not know. The Wife likes arts and crafts. She has recently been making custom Sequined jackets for about $200 a pop. I think.. I'm not sure of that number actually but I think that's what she's been charging.

This jacket here has over 5,000 sequins and 5,000 beads just in the dolphin, all sewed by hand. Yep, BY HAND! She's been working on it for a few months now and it's nearing completion. I believe that all she has left is the name and a few odds and ends, here and there.

Then she has another one to start. Well actually several but since she can only do one at a time, she's going to have to decide which one to begin first.I know that one lady is wanting a Dragon and another lady is wanting a jacket for her 'Red Hat Club'. She's going to be very busy, The Wife.

I never have understood how she can do this sort of thing. It's kind out of my league. I'm very proud of the fact that she has a creative outlet, especially one that she is so good at. I know I'd never be able to do it. I've been after her to try to make a quilt for a while but she hasn't had the time. I know that she'd be able to do it though and maybe one day when she's all caught up she'll give it a go. Until then I get to see all of the masterful shiny creations that she comes up with...

Black Friday (on the front lines)

2006-11-24T06:50:00.000-06:00

*Taps wildly at an earpiece, while shouting into an over sized mic...*

Hello! Is this bloody thing on. Can you hear me. Hello!?

Ahh there we are...

"This is Grish Grishham reporting from the front lines today as we have been thrust into utter turmoil. I have never seen anything like this in all my years.

*Well perhaps once on a 'When animals attack' video.*

They're everywhere! Alien looking creatures with puffy eyes and Gothic make-up. Some are making growling noises at the other patrons as they tear the plastic wrap from pallets in an obvious hunger induced frenzy. I have not worked up the courage to close in yet, as I just witnessed a small child sized creature tear a Cabbage Patch doll from the hands of a 200 lb man, before knocking him unconscious with it."

*Dodges plastic shrapnel*

"Damn! That was a..."

*An explosion erupts in the background*

"Tom I don't know how long we are going to be able to continue our transmission! I promise to stay on as long as I can! The public has a right to know what is happening here today. It might be to late for us but for the children Tom. For the CHILDREN! Wait...

*Pushes on the earpiece. Obviously listening to instructions*

I'm now being told....I'm being told to tell our viewers to stay inside. The National guard has just issued a general alert, ordering all unaffected patrons to leave the area as quickly as possible and return to the safety of their homes. They don't know how much longer that they can contain the situation and will have to start..."

*Another explosion in view of the camera as fire shoots into the air and bath towels fly overhead*

"Tom I can't..."

*Camera catches a humanoid looking creature with over sized teeth, running toward the camera man with a large Transformer in one hand, but it's tackled by another, larger creature just short of it's prize.*

"Watch out! Gah! Let's get the hell out here! Did you see that?!

Tom, They must have a heightened sense of smell or some kind of 'Black Friday' radar. The larger creatures are now attacking the smaller ones and looting their packages. It's chaos.."

*The larger creature looks up from it's fallen prey and starts moving closer*

"We're leaving. NOW! Don't look back Chris. Go! Run!"

*You see the Camera in movement as the man carrying it runs toward the van and then only audio as they shut the door behind them*

"Close the door! What was that in your pocket? Was that a new digital camera?! You idiot! You frakkin idiot! Do you know what you've done?! You've jus..."

*A guttural growl, screams and then the news feed goes to static*

*some indiscriminate time later*

*Grish holds the camera and looks down into the lens*

"I'm so scared right now. For some reason the creatures in the van weren't interested in me but poor Chris. If someone finds this, I want you to know that he was a good man and didn't deserve to die like that. If he had only stayed away from the discounted merchandise...

I don't know what's happening outside. After the creatures jumped us in the van I jumped out of the door and ran as hard as I could, after I went back and grabbed the grooming kit, the camera, the microphone, the orphan child backdrop that's behind me and the bag of beef jerky and water from behind the seat.

There wasn't anything I could do for Chris, I know that but what I wouldn't give to meet that creature just one more time ... Come to think of it, I hope that the stuff in the bag wasn't on sale today.

I must have nourishment if I'm going to get out of here alive. It's already been three hours since I left the studio and I'm a man down"

*The sound of a twig breaking*

"Shh..I heard something. I have to turn the camera off now so I don't give away my position.

*Geraldo eat your heart out*

*The camera is turned off and all we have is audio once again as Grish whispers into the Mic*

"I wonder what it is? You don't think they really were running a special on the Beef Jerky do you? Maybe I should throw it out front before they smell it on me."

"Grish!"

"Chris? Where the heck did you come from? Wait aren't you dead? I thought you were dead!"

"Nope. All they wanted was the digital camera. So while you distracted them I threw it out the back door and then hid under the van. They're all gone now and the store's been picked clean. I thought I seen a bag of Cheetos on the floor for a second there but was to afraid to go in after it.

I did see what you did though, that was pretty gutsy coming back into the van to make sure that they had seen you. How many times did you come back anyways? Two or three times?"

"Uhh. Yeah...Well I'm just glad it all worked out you know. Here have some Beef Jerky..."

Black Friday

2006-11-24T02:06:00.000-06:00

We don't usually go to the 'Day after Thanksgiving sale' because I don't like shopping. I usually do most of my shopping on the net but the wife, well The Wife wants to go this morning. So it's 3:07 in the a.m. and I'm up listening to the coffee maker.

For those who don't know what today is, it marks the first official day of the Christmas shopping season and is littered with sales from nearly every major department type store. Most of the available sales only last for certain hours, which causes everyone to flock to the stores hoping to save a few bucks on an iDog or something.

A friend of mine, who works for Wal-mart, calls it 'Black Friday'. I wasn't sure where it came from but I think it fits as it's usually a very difficult day of the year for both the stores and their shoppers (well difficult for the stores because they have to keep the shelves stocked). I've heard stories of idiots mugging people in parking lots and resulting to violence in the store.

Thankfully the only thing that I've ever witnessed is a little old lady yelling at me and banging her walker as I picked up the last available whach-a-ma-call-it, from the shelf of lies.

It's not all bad, I guess. If your one that likes to shop and you like the feeling of accomplishment that comes when you get home with a trunkful of drastically reduced goodness. It's just that I have to share the store with other people. Now if everyone would just wait outside while I did my shopping it'd be a different story...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2006-11-23T02:57:00.000-06:00

Pass the Cranberry sauce ... :)

The things we carry...

2006-11-22T03:20:00.000-06:00

Everybody has them you know. Things. Everyday pieces of somewhat necessary equipment gathered and put to use in order to make one's life a little more pleasant. We do like our toys. I know I do. These are my things. The things that I carry each day to accomplish certain tasks and to have a little fun.

There is my Wallet. Completely necessary. It includes references of every minuscule detail of my life.

There are two pocket knives. You are probably wondering why I carry around two pocket knives and the answer to that, is that I carry the black one in my coat, for those special occasions in which one knife just isn't enough.

There are my keys. They start my truck, open the locks around the house and my locker at work.

There is an ink pen. Everyone needs a good ink pen. I prefer Gel.

There is Cell Phone #1 on the left there. It is an A+ piece of vocal communication equipment. It also doubles as an Mp3 player and includes every phone number that I have dialed in the past year.

Then last but certainly not least, there is Cell Phone #2 on the right. This little piece of earthbound heaven is my new smartphone. I say smartphone because that is 'really' what it is called but in reality it is a pocket sized computer. Sure it can make a phone call but it can also email, text message, blog and browse the Internet with relative ease. In fact nearly every comment that I have made in blogland for the last couple of weeks has been from this thing here. (and you thought all the typos were on purpose) This is probably the most used piece of equipment on the table. Not the most necessary but the most used. I've only had it for a couple of weeks and I'm still getting used to everything on it but it is fa-a-ntastic.

I haven't given my new number out yet because I wasn't sure if I was going to keep it at first but now I'm smitten. I've found that I can't do without it. I send and receive about 400 text messages a month. Now of course most of my texts are less than a sentence long and in goober English. "Wassup", "Where r u?","Email me", "Lmao".

My emails tend to be a tad bit longer but I couldn't even begin to tell you how many of them I go through. I live in email...

Mid-week Ramblings

2006-11-21T01:30:00.000-06:00

I have been racking my brain for months trying to decide on a vacation theme. As your probably tired of hearing about, I've never been on a true vacation. Not one that I actually got to enjoy myself anyway and watching Charlie's journey through the States as made my fever even that much worse, I want to go somewhere.

My wife has traveled much more than I have. She was born in another state and traveled all over the place as a kid. Me, not so much. I was born 25 miles from my computer here. I live within shouting distance of the house that I grew up in and I have lived in the same small town my entire life. Don't get me wrong I love it here. I just want to be somewhere else for a little while. Two to three weeks to be exact.

Of course the (beautiful, charming and ever so brilliant) Wife isn't much help when it comes to choosing a destination. In fact every time that I ask, it pretty much comes to an in-conclusion. So far all that I do know for sure is that I must see a coast line. It doesn't much matter to me which one but I don't necessarily enjoy hurricanes and since I will have the rest of the family with me, nude beaches and spring break is out as well. Yeah, yeah I know! ... but sacrifices must be made.

Not that there aren't other fun things to see. In the East there are things like the Statue of Liberty, Niagara Falls, Lighthouses and Museums, tons and tons of Museums. There are also tons of things in the West. Like the fact that it's the West and has stuff like all the National Parks and Theme Parks and an arguably better coastline. I'm sure there is a ton of other stuff that I've either left out or missed altogether but hey, you don't have all day.

I don't have any concrete destinations in mind. Two months, I've been thinking of this and not one decision. Just a couple of general directions and a certain misunderstanding of vacation planning. The (beautiful, charming and ever so brilliant) Wife doesn't want to fly and I can't really blame her, with all of the scary stuff that has happened over the past few years. So my modes of transportation are plainly limited to foot, car or train, the former being only a last resort, of course.

I looked up Amtrak and to my surprise (well not really) it's about as hard to understand as any other Expedia type website, complete with hard to understand pricing guides. Could I drive to the coast? You betcha. I used to drive for a living and I imagine that I could hop behind the wheel and easily put 20 hours behind me without blinking, so much as an eyelash but it's supposed to be a vacation not a test of endurance.

I have told my (beautiful, charming and ever so brilliant) Wife that if we do drive I'll be doing at least part of it by night. As you know I like the night and I like driving at night. Limited traffic, less accidents and you make much better time. You also miss out on a lot of the countryside but hey, as a driver you don't get to see much of the countryside anyways. Everyone else does. They talk about it. They point it out and they ask you if you seen it, Which you didn't because you were to busy trying to keep everyone alive as you kept the vehicle between the lines. Come to think of it, I might sound a little Cynical here but keep in mind that I'm really not, it's just real fun to pretend that I am.

A train on the other hand just might be the correct answer for everyone. It'd give me a chance to watch the country fly buy and a chance to sleep. A chance to blog, watch TV and do whatever else that people can do when they don't have to drive. It's also an interesting story to tell as people just don't take trains like they used to. In fact everyone that I have mentioned a train vacation to has responded in the affirmative. I have not heard one person say anything bad about the idea. Well except for my Oldest who apparently had just watched The Fugitive or something but I think I finally convinced him that there is a lot more chance of an accident in an automobile than on a train.

I don't even have a time of year that I would like to go yet. I was thinking Spring. I like May alright It's near the end of Spring and right before Summer. Not to hot, not to cold. Not to stormy. Just about right.

So off I go to look at possible vacation destinations ... again