tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12584731.post-66285500626755177702008-05-06T06:39:00.001-05:002008-05-06T07:01:17.961-05:00=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=<br /><br />Hi,<br /><br />How's it going?<br /><br />I hope you are doing well.<br /><br /> WANTED<br /><br />Really quick, I am looking for<br />success stories of those with addiction<br />and bipolar disorder.<br /><br />If you are a recovering addiction AND have<br />bipolar disorder and are doing well, please fill<br />out this form.<br /><br />http://www.bipolarcentral.com/successstories/<br /><br />Okay now….<br /><br />I have to say sorry again (I had to say it yesterday<br />as well). <br /><br />Yesterday we just discovered that<br />some of the phone calls that we have received<br />in the last month were not being sent to<br />the right area.<br /><br />This meant that some people didn't<br />get a return call.<br /><br />I am really sorry about this. We fixed the problem.<br />Actually Michelle H (I have 4 people that work<br />for me with the same first name), fixed it. <br /><br />Barbara is working hard to return all calls<br />she has logged.<br /><br />If you called in, still have an issue and need<br />a call back, please call us back and someone<br />will get back to you.<br /><br />I must say, I have learned a ton. I have never<br />had anything grow so fast and become so <br />big. It's required hiring lots of people, <br />investing in lots of technology. <br /><br />It's been really fun however and I really like<br />doing it. The reality is, everyone on the team<br />loves what they do. If they didn't we wouldn't<br />do well or have a great site like we do.<br /><br />Someone wrote yesterday or the day before<br />that some of my emails look "borderline bipolar."<br /><br />It's really funny when I read that stuff. First, I challenge<br />anyone else to take on all that I do and do it without<br />being rushed someone days. There's a simple reason<br />why some of my emails come across being rushed.<br /><br />Know what it is?<br /><br />Well it's because I am rushed. I have 4 different<br />businesses and a lot going on. I have to send these emails<br />out and it takes at least an hour a day.<br /><br />Imagine subtracting an hour a day and having to<br />do something like type of an email, send it out,<br />etc.<br /><br />You probably would have days that you would<br />be rushed, right?<br /><br />It doesn't make any sense to me when people write<br />stuff like that. <br /><br />If you sit back and think about it, logically a person<br />can see that I put in a whole lot of work into this<br />but I have other stuff going on.<br /><br />We try really hard to get everything right but<br />me have made mistakes. We have bought wrong<br />things. Make some errors. BUT, I have a phiolosophy<br />of you can't be perfect. I never beat myself up when<br />a mistake is made. I never get mad at anyone on <br />the team. <br /><br />I see with bipolar disorder however, some people<br />make a deadly mistake and believe other wise.<br /><br />This may come as a shock to you, but<br /><br />YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!<br /><br />Too many supporters have this <br />misconceived notion that they have to <br />be perfect, at least in the sight of their <br />loved one. They're afraid to "upset the <br />apple cart" if they share any negative <br />feelings with their loved one, or if they <br />even express their feelings at all. They <br />think that if they even offer an opinion, <br />that that's a no-no, because everything <br />centers around their loved one and their <br />bipolar disorder.<br /><br />Boy, is that wrong!<br /><br />I don't even know where that notion came <br />from, but it is very wrong. NOBODY is <br />perfect! And thinking that you have to be <br />perfect is setting yourself up to fail. <br />Nobody can live up to that kind of expectation. <br />All you can do is the best you can do, and <br />that's all!<br /><br />I know some supporters have written to me <br />and told me that their loved one expects <br />them to be perfect, but that doesn't make it <br />right. They say that if they say or do anything <br />wrong, that their loved one screams or yells <br />at them, until they're scared to say or do anything, <br />for fear of upsetting their loved one. I know, <br />this happens in some households where the loved <br />one has bipolar disorder. It's true, but that <br />doesn't make it right. <br /><br />These are the cases where you (the supporter) <br />have to sit down with your loved one <br />between episodes and express how you feel <br />in the most loving, supportive way possible <br />and talk about acceptable and unacceptable <br />behavior, and set boundaries, and then stick <br />to those boundaries. <br /><br />Your loved one will be more receptive <br />to listening to your feelings and opinions <br />when they are between episodes. Don't <br />even try to talk to them when they are in<br />an episode, because they will not listen to you.<br /><br />But let me ask you this – Is it your loved <br />one who is expecting you to be perfect, or <br />is it yourself?<br /><br />Expecting yourself to be perfect will only <br />lead to burnout. You can only keep it up for <br />so long. You still have to meet your own needs <br />while you are meeting your loved one's needs.<br /><br />You can't keep stuffing your own feelings, or<br />one day they will erupt and you will find <br />yourself very angry and in a fight with <br />your loved one. Stuffing your feelings is <br />not the answer.<br /><br />In my courses/systems, I have several<br />teachings on how to deal with your feelings,<br />especially the negative ones:<br /><br />SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<br />Visit:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11">http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11</a><br /><br />SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<br />Visit:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarparenting.com">http://www.bipolarparenting.com</a><br /><br />HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?<br />Visit:<br /><a href="http://www.survivebipolar.net">http://www.survivebipolar.net</a><br />Trying to be perfect is not an ideal <br />you can live up to, no matter how much <br />you want to. You are trying to be <br />someone you can't be. It will cause <br />you to secretly resent your loved one, <br />and will lead to a strained relationship. <br />There will be tension between you. <br />Eventually it will stress you out.<br /><br />Supporters who do this will take on <br />too much responsibility – including <br />responsibility that should be their <br />loved one's – in their quest to be the <br />perfect supporter. They will hide their <br />concerns behind a mask of "Everything's <br />ok" (even when it isn't).<br /><br />Unfortunately, this "perfect supporter" <br />will try to be Superman (and fail miserably).<br /><br />Eventually their systems will break down, <br />and they will run out of steam. Then they <br />will be no good as a supporter for their <br />loved one. Remember – no one is perfect. <br />So stop trying to be!<br /><br />You need to accept your flaws. You need <br />to know that you're going to make mistakes – <br />that's just a part of learning how to help your <br />loved one manage their disorder. And if they <br />do go into another episode, well, that is NOT <br />your fault! Just like it's NOT your fault that <br />they have bipolar disorder in the first place! <br />You couldn't stop them from getting the <br />disorder, and you can't stop it from flaring up <br />at times, either. It's not under your control.<br /><br />If you're expecting perfection from yourself, <br />chances are you're expecting perfection <br />from your loved one as well, and that will <br />be a dismal failure, because they're not perfect <br />either. Especially if they're newly diagnosed <br />with bipolar disorder. Their flaws are probably <br />glaring right now. They're probably struggling <br />with this diagnosis, and looking to you for help. <br />And you won't be any help to them if you're <br />trying to be Superman.<br /><br />If this has described you, then take a break <br />from perfection. Give yourself permission to be <br />human. It's OK to NOT be perfect! Join <br />the rest of the world of NON-perfect people.<br /><br />You can only do the best that you can, and <br />that's all right!<br /><br /><br />Your Friend,<br /><br />Dave<br /><br />===>> Great Resources For You <===<br /><br />Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter<br />Want your own copy of these daily bipolar<br />emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3">http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3</a><br /><br />Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder<br />Don't forget to take a look through the<br />different programs I've put together... each<br />one is designed to help you with a different<br />area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or<br />you are supporting someone with it.<br />You can see them all and get the details by visiting:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp">http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp</a><br /><br />View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE<br />Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails<br />that I have sent in the past and lots of great<br />information for you:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/">http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/</a><br /><br />Get Audio Information On Bipolar Disorder For F.REE<br />Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give<br />mini seminars designed to teach you information<br />you can't learn anywhere else.<br /><a href="http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com">http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com</a>David Olivernoreply@blogger.com