tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12584731.post-16300023260139971872008-05-08T08:21:00.002-05:002008-05-08T09:17:06.264-05:00=>PLEASE FORWARD TO FRIENDS, FAMILY AND LOVED ONES <=<br /><br />Hi,<br /><br />How's it going?<br /><br />I actually have to get going fairly<br />quick.<br /><br />I can't wait until next week when 3 of the really<br />smart people that work for me working in this<br />organization dedicated to helping bipolar supporters<br />and survivors get back. Three<br />have been out for the last week either<br />one vacation or doing personal things.<br /><br />Yesterday I sent out an email on the dangers<br />of using the word "why" and bipolar disorder.<br /><br />You can read it on my blog below again if you<br />like.<br /><br />I saw some interesting AND thoughtful <br />responses (as opposed to responses that<br />make no sense which you might have seen<br />a few days ago).<br /><br />josephine_mamo_17 said... <br /><br />"Hi Dave,<br />I am normally a very big follower of yours <br />and i always appreciate the help that you give us, <br />whether we have bipolar or are supporters. i do want <br />to point out the danger to you in saying what you <br />said in your last email. <br /><br />i found when i was with my partner, that even when <br />i was on stable mediacations and a great treatment <br />plan if i ever felt a normal emotion of anger or <br />frustration, he would not take me seriously and just <br />say 'oh its just your bipolar again'. <br /><br />in the end i was always so afraid to confront my feelings <br />because i thought that i was off my nut or having an <br />episode just because i felt a normal emotion. i agree <br />saying stupid things like you owe a woman money in a <br />different state is quite crazy but to say 'there is no <br />why' is a bit extreme alsodont you think?in fact i <br />think it is unjust and comments like that are what <br />make people like me feel so isolated and alone in the <br />world. <br /><br />no one will take us seriously if we all have <br />that mentality. i appreciate that you are watching <br />out for all of those who suffer crazy accusations, <br />but maybe just be careful with us who dont make <br />many accusations but still get told we are crazy <br />all the time."<br /><br />Another person wrote something else:<br /><br /> TNJ Fish Enterprises said... <br />"hi dave,<br /><br />I just wanted to say bravo! Many people don't <br />get it. Josephine I realize your anger but when <br />I pointed out to my husband how rediculous it <br />was to blame every emotion on being bipolar He <br />started looking for when I truely was bipolar. <br />When he started looking so did I and that was <br />scary. <br /><br />I realized that alot of times I may not <br />have been in a full blown bipolar phase but I <br />did over exaggerate the situation to make myself <br />right. I want to say to david thank you so much <br />for all the words of encouragement with your help <br />I got back on track and started my own internet <br />b.usiness. I never could have done it without you <br />and my husband. I am happy that I can see what <br />is going on in my world(the world of bipolar). <br />I love feeling like I am back in the real world <br />again."<br /><br />I want to clarify something. When I was talking<br />about the danger of asking why, I was referencing<br />asking why a person says or does something in<br />a bipolar episode--nothing else. I was NOT talking<br />about asking why a person gets off medications,<br />doesn't want to go to a doctor/therapist, doesn't<br />want to admit they have bipolar disorder etc. That's<br />a different why and I am going to write about <br />that soon. Not tomorrow because tomorrow is the<br />bipolar news. Probably this coming Monday. I am making <br />a note.<br /><br /><br />What I am talking about is this. Okay a person<br />is in a bipolar episode and he or she turns<br />into a different person. You are a supporter and<br />they scream and yell at you. Maybe they throw<br />a phone at you. Maybe they say you the bipolar<br />supporter are the worst person in the entire world.<br />Maybe they (in the bipolar episode), say that<br />you (the bipolar supporter), have done so many<br />bad things. They make up things, say horrible<br />things.<br /><br />Now, the natural inclination to the untrained<br />person is to try to figure out why this person<br />is saying that to you. You may think, "could<br />I be the worst person in the world?" "Did I<br />do something wrong?" You start to second guess<br />yourself. On the one hand, you know you are<br />working VERY hard to help. But on the other hand<br />the person who is in the bipolar episode is hurling<br />negative things towards your way. <br /><br />You keep asking why. Then you get almost depressed.<br />You just can't understand. You search for answers.<br /><br />This is the danger. This is a waste of time. There <br />is no logical or rational reason (99% of the time).<br />It's just that the person is not themselves. They<br />need to get into treatment. To have their medication<br />changed or modified.<br /><br />This is what I was talking about. Again I wasn't<br />talking about the other whys: why someone won't<br />take medication, go to the doctor, admit they<br />have bipolar disorder, etc.<br /><br />Make sense?<br /><br />Now to address what Josephine wrote above.<br /><br />Here's the deal. Many bipolar supporters<br />have great difficulty figuring out what's bipolar<br />disorder, a normal emotion, or when a person is<br />in a bipolar episode.<br /><br />To me, it's easy. In my courses below for bipolar<br />supporters, I talk about how to determine this. The<br />interviews in my course go into this in great depth.<br /><br />This is a SKILL. It's like riding a bike. It takes<br />time to learn this skill. I can tell 95% of the time<br />when something is a normal emotion of my mom or it's<br />something related to her bipolar disorder.<br /><br />My dad struggles with this. Why? Well it's because he<br />never had to learn it. He just counts on me telling him.<br />He uses me as a crutch.<br /><br />My brother absolutely positively never understands that<br />people with bipolar disorder have normal emotions. For<br />example, one time someone cut off my mom, screamed and<br />yelled at her for NOTHING. For nothing. She did not <br />one single thing. How do I know? I was there. I was<br />SUPER MAD! I was ready to get his license plate and<br />repot him to the police and have his license taken<br />away for the rest of his life (which you can't do<br />by the way). Anyway, I was super mad. 100 times more<br />mad than my mom.<br /><br />My mom was kind of mad. Not that mad. She told me to<br />calm down. I get mad at that kind of thing. That's the<br />way it is on the east coast. You cut someone off and<br />you can trigger world war 3 LOL. <br /><br />Anyway, back when my brother was talking to us, <br />my mom mentioned it. She did so in a calm way<br />but expressed how she couldn't believe someone<br />would be so mean. I was still mad. My brother<br />made the comment to me, "oh there she goes<br />again with her bipolar."<br /><br />I was like, "huh?" He said, "yea it looks<br />like she is going into an episode or whatever<br />it's called again." <br /><br />I was super confused. I was like, "why?" He said<br />because she is mad about someone cutting her off.<br />At that point I realized how unfair my brother<br />was being to my mom and how clueless he really<br />was. I tried to explain to him but he never listens<br />to anything.<br /><br />At that point, I realized I had to train myself<br />to know what's bipolar and what's normal reactions.<br /><br />The bottom line Josephine is that it seems that<br />your supporter needs more training in this area.<br />He has to realize it's a skill and he has to<br />learn it. He has to be willing to do so. <br /><br />That's the bottom line. The hard part is,<br />many bipolar supporters are too lazy to learn<br />the skill (half of my family). Know what I mean?<br /><br />In my courses/systems below I cover how <br />to learn the skill of knowing what's a<br />episode and what isn't. <br /><br />In my bipolar success course below for those<br />with bipolar disorder, I have a f.ree report<br />titled "How to get people to believe you."<br /><br />SUPPORTING AN ADULT WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<br />Visit:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11">http://www.bipolarsupporter.com/report11</a><br /><br />SUPPORTING A CHILD/TEEN WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER?<br />Visit:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarparenting.com">http://www.bipolarparenting.com</a><br /><br />HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER?<br />Visit:<br /><a href="http://www.survivebipolar.net">http://www.survivebipolar.net</a><br /><br />Why do I have that report? Years ago I found<br />that for many with bipolar disorder it's hard<br />for them to get those around them to believe<br />them when something is serious. So I created a<br />system for my mom in case I wasn't around. The<br />system is outlined in the f.ree report.<br /><br />I think that everyone should read TNJ Fish <br />Enterprises response above a few times. <br /><br />It contains some great information. I don't<br />have time to go into it right now. But it's<br />all there. <br /><br />Finally I want to say one last thing about the<br />danger of asking why.<br /><br />There was a post on my blog where some had<br />some suggestions as to why someone who I don't<br />know, has never bought a thing from me, who lives<br />thousands of miles away would call me and say I took<br />a plane last night and stole $400 from them and the<br />flew back home.<br /><br />The person wrote:<br />"maybe she felt influence in doing something <br />that probably cost her $400 and she regrets it, <br />so she has to blame someone."<br /><br />I appreciate the suggestion but this is an example<br />of what I mean. There is no logical thing or reason<br />we could come up to explain what the person did.<br />She was not in her right mind at all. That's it. We need<br />not even spend one minute thinking about why a person<br />would do or say such a thing. They are not thinking<br />straight. There is no, "maybe she accused you because..."<br /><br />Do you agree or disagree?<br /><br />Your Friend,<br /><br />Dave<br /><br />===>> Great Resources For You <===<br /><br />Get Your Own Subscription To This Newsletter<br />Want your own copy of these daily bipolar<br />emails sent to you for F.ree? If so, visit: <br /><a href="http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3">http://www.bipolarcentral.com/register3</a><br /><br />Get More Help On Bipolar Disorder<br />Don't forget to take a look through the <br />different programs I've put together... each <br />one is designed to help you with a different <br />area of bipolar disorder whether you have it or<br />you are supporting someone with it. <br />You can see them all and get the details by visiting:<br /><a href="http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp">http://www.bipolarcentral.com/catalog.asp</a><br /><br />View Past Daily Bipolar Emails For F.REE<br />Check out my F.ree blog with copies of emails <br />that I have sent in the past and lots of great <br />information for you: <br /><a href="http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/">http://www.bipolarcentral.com/supporterblog/</a><br /><br />Get Audio Information On Bipolar Disorder For F.REE<br />Check out my F.ree podcast. Hear me give <br />mini seminars designed to teach you information <br />you can't learn anywhere else.<br /><a href="http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com">http://bipolarcentral.libsyn.com</a>David Olivernoreply@blogger.com