Captain Picard's Journal

T'Pol & Britney's Undercover Mission (Part Five)

2009-11-23T15:00:00.001Z

Editor's Note:

T'Pol, Britney and Karena are on the planet Verdan infiltrating an all-female gang of mercenaries known as The Virago. As T'Pol looks like their leader, Ishtar, who was apphrehended by the Enterprise, she has gone in her place so that they can find out all the plans and details of their raids. However, Britney is not making friends with The Virago, and worse is to come.

The REAL Ishtar has escaped, and is on her way to Verdan!

------------------

Guest Poster: Mirror T'Pol

"Now the fun begins, sistah!" Britney says as she wakes up in our tent the next morning, "Time to nonchalently find out all the facts in the conference."

"That's right, Brit." I say, "But try not to say anything to antagonise Sala and Vada. They are the trusted lieutenants of Ishtar. neither like you and Karena. They might be getting suspicious of me. Let's find out what we know and get out of here before we feel the sharp end of their spears."

"You got it, honey." she replies.

I emerge from the tent to see Sala and Vada standing to attention with their spears. Sala looks so internsely angry when Brit comes out behind me. Yesterday I told her that Britney would be sharing my tent, and not Sala, who previously did with the real Ishtar.

Karena runs up to escort us, and hopefully to diffuse the situation.

"Sisters." I say, "Let us go the conference and discuss future tactics for The Virago."

We all walk to and sit round a large open ground. There is a mail chair for me to sit on. I gesture Britney and Karena to sit and my left and right respectively. This annoys Sala and Vada further. They would probably have had this honour.

"This is not the correct seating position." Vada states, but after looking at me, says, "But we shall stay as we are for the moment."

"Review the plans for the next month ahead the The Virago are going to undertake." I say carefully, as not to arouse suspicion.

"Why is that necessary, Ishtar?" Sala asks, "You know them fully."

"Of course I do, "But I wish our new recruits Britney and Karena to be up to date with our plans."

"I thought you would have had the time to keep Britney up to date considering the amount of hours the two of you spent in your tent." Sala sneers in a bitter manner.

"Meow!" laughs Britney, which inflamnes Sala even more. Karena grips her spear ready to use.

"Britney!" she whispers.

"The first attack." Vada starts, "Will be in six days time on the USS Constitution cargo ship. We will pose as loaders, and fly off with the whole goods. Two days after, there is some valuable minerals from the planet Vaw coming over on the Dalos ship. We'll grab that. Flolllowing that, our best job this month will be getting hold of the prison ship Chokeybound. It has some of the Federation's worst villains on board. If we release all them, it should keep Starfleet busy while we create more chaos and make money at the same time."

"Very good." I say.

"Why is Britney writing all that down?" asks Sala.

"Errr..she and Karena need to remember." I say quickly.

Suddenly, there is a noise from the sky. We all see a Starfleet shuttlecraft descending, about to land where we all are. Karena, Brit and I exchange slightly worried glances.

The women of The Virago all rush towards the shuttlecraft. As the door opens, out emerges...Ishtar.

"She's an imposter!" Ishtar shouts, and all eyes turn towards us three.

Ooops! I think Karena, Britney and myself may have outstayed our welcome.

To be continued...

TWQ: Cheer Up!

2009-11-21T10:29:00.000Z

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) looks at things that will cheer you up.

What things will cheer you up? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Watching some of my favourite films on DVD. Watching 'Blazing Saddles' for example will have me laughing for days afterwards!

Being away from the office on vacation....or at home.

My birthday

Bacon, eggs etc...the full grill

Meeting really good friends after not seeing them for a while.

Now it's over to you...

T'Pol & Britney's Undercover Mission (Part Four)

2009-11-18T17:00:00.001Z

T'Pol, Britney and Karena are infiltrating a gang of female mercenaries known as The Virago.

As T'Pol looks just like their leader, Ishtar, we have managed to apphrehend Ishtar and put T'Pol in her place. We hope the three women will be able to learn something of their activities so they can all be stopped. At the moment, we have no idea where they are. There is complete communication silence.

In the meantime, I am about to interrogate the real Ishtar and find out what I can

I don't rate my chances very highly.

-----------

I walk into the Interrogation Room, where Ishtar looks at me with disgust.

"So you are the 'great' Captain Picard?" she sneeringly says to me, "You will get nothing out of me, you Federation puppet!"

She then spits at me. Fortunately I havev a box of tissues on hand. I well prepared for these sort of occasions.

"It will be a lot easier if you tell me where The Virago are, and where they plan to strike next." I inform her in my officious tone, "You will find your sentence on the penal colony reduced significantly if you do."

"I will not betray my Virago sisters!" Ishtar declares defiantly, "Bring out your weapons of torture, you puppet. Not a word of betrayal shall pass my lips"

The door opens, and Bev enters.

"Jean-Luc." she whispers, "Perhaps we could use some truth serum on her?"

"I heard what you said!" Ishtar shouts, "It will not work; I have conditioned my body to reject any truth serum. Your woman here is wasting her time. Perhaps you'd like to give up torturing me and spend some time with her instead?"

"You are getting on my nerves, Ishtar." I tell her angrily.

"Good!" she laughlingly say, "It will only be a matter of time before my sisters find out where I am and rescue me."

"They don't even know you're away." I retort, "I have a crewmember who looks like you. Right now, she and two others are gathering all the information at The Virago location. We will soon have you all at the penal colony!"

A worried look suddenly comes across Ishtar's face.

"Come on, Bev." I say, "We don't need to question her. T'Pol, Britney and Karena will get them all."

----------------

A few hours later, I return to the Interrogation Room. Ishtar has vanished.

"How did she do it?" I ask Worf, who is there with his Security Staff."

"I do not know." he replies, "Howerver it seems she is an expert with circuitry and ventilation shafts. She left the room without anyone being aware."

"Seatch the ship!" I quickly say in my best Captain's voice, "We've got to find her."

"It is too late." Data answers on my COM, "With her knowledge of computers and circuitry, Ishtar was able to steal a shuttlecraft and leave the Enterprise without us being aware."

"She's been gone hours." I say, "Undoubtably Ishtar has returned to wherever The Virago are. If she gets there before we find her, T'Pol, Britney and Karena will be dead!"

To be continued after the TWQ...

T'Pol & Britney's Undercover Mission (Part Three)

2009-11-16T15:00:00.001Z

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney

This mission is not gonna be easy. If it fails, T'Pol, Karena and myself are liable to have our heads waved about on the end of spears. I prefer to keep my head where it is right now.

My soulsistah T'Pol looks exectly like Ishtar, the leader of an all-famale mercenary tribe known as The Virago, who are on the Verdan planet. Ishtar has been caught, and while the Enterprise tries to get information out of her, the three of us are going to find out more within the tribe.

We have met up with Ishtar's trusted lieutenants Sala and Vada. Already the latter has taken an instant dislike to Karena and me.

----------------

The five of us arrive at the camp of the Virago. The other women rush out to greet the return of their Leader.

"Greetings again." T'Pol announces, "I have bought two new powerful additions to our fighting force. Britney is a powerful, tough Deltan, and Karena is a rebel amazon."

All of them greet us with friendliness, but Sala and Vada stay back and watch, with grimaced expressions that could stop a clock.

We all settle down for an evening meal. As it's all cooked in a flame fire in the open ground, and obviously caught, I'm not going to ask what it was. In this circumstance, ignorance is bliss.

"I am impressed by The Virago, and honoured to be joining them." Karena says to the assembled band, "You truly are a great group."

Everyone then looks at me, as I am about to swallow something awful.

"Err...yeah." I mumble, "Great set up. What plans have you got?"

Vada and Sala look disgusted.

"It is not fit for a newcomer to ask such questions." Vada snaps.

"Hey!" T'Pol replies quickly, "She's one of us and can ask what she likes. Tomorrow morning, we will have a large conference to discuss our future manouvres, and where we intend to raid."

"Very well." Sala grudgingly concedes.

"Come on, Britney." T'Pol says to me, "Time to go to my tent and sleep there. We'll see you in the morning."

Sala gives a look of anger towards T'Pol, as if the winning Lottery ticket she lost has been found by her leader!

"What!" she exclaims, "Ishtar, you know we have always shared a tent together at night. Now this unknown is invited in instead!"

There is a hushed quietness in the camp, as everybody is waiting for the next move. With all the tension around, it's rather nerve-racking. Karena has got her spear aimed at Sala if anything drastic happens.

"Sala." T'Pol announces, "You were in my favour, but now Britney is. You may now share Vada's tent."

I've never actually seen steam come out of someone's ears, but I'm sure I did then, when looking at Sala. She storms away, jostling me in the shoulder as she passes.

"You are SO dead!" she whispers.

Karena rushes up to my soulsistah and I before the two of us enter the tent.

"That was risky." she says in a chastising manner, "You were supposed to keep a low profile, yet now they all hate us!"

"Hey, I'm the boss" T'Pol declares, "They will do as I say. C'mon, Brit, I'm ready for bed."

"I wonder how the Captain is doing with the real Ishtar on the Enterprise?" Karena says to us as she walks away.

A good thought.

To be continued...

TWQ: Christmas Plans

2009-11-14T10:21:00.000Z

As it's the middle of november, many will know what they have in mind to do on Christmas Day. TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about this.

What plans have you got prepared for Christmas Day? Who are you visiting? If Thanksgiving is where you are, you can add that as well.

My answer is:

As I don't get Thanksgiving, I can only answer the first part.. On Christmas Day, my father & I intend to visit my friend and her mother in the afternoon for Christmas lunch. As it gets dark very early here in Britain, we'll have to leave early.

Now it's over to you...

T'Pol & Britney's Undercover Mission (Part Two)

2009-11-11T17:00:00.002Z

Guest Poster: Mirror T'Pol

The shuttlecraft starts slowing down as we head to the fourth planet on the Shaq System, named Verdan. My friend Britney and I get our outfits ready, as does the amazon Karena. She has her spear all ready.

Starfleet have captured Ishtar, leader off the all-female Virago mercenaries, who have being causing problems everywhere. As Ishtar looks like me, I will be posing as the leader, while Captain Picard interrogates the real woman. I don't think she'll break, as I've heard they are rather tough.

----------------

"Now listen, you two." warns Karena, "I don't want any shenanigans. This is a serious mission."

"Don't worry, blondie." replies Britney, "When we land, I'll be fully into mission mode, won't I sistah?"

"Yeah, Brit." I answer, "Don't worry, Karena, We are really responsible when we need to be."

"That's what I've heard." comments Karena, "Captain Picard always says you're responsible."

I try not to giggle too hard at that one.

-------------

The shuttlecraft touches down on Verdan. The three of us step out. We see two women approaching us. From the file I've been shown, they are Vada and Sala, Ishtar's lieutenants. These two are gonna be the trickiest to get past, like a customs official.

"Greeetings Ishtar." Sala says to me, then looks harshly at Britney and Karena, "Who are these women?"

"I have been most fortunate, Sala." I answer, "This is Britney, a skilled fighter, and the blonde woman is Karena, a rebel amazon. They will be a good addition to The Virago."

Vada steps forward.

"They do not look very trustworthy." remarks Vada, "You two need to be aware that if you betray us, you will be executed. Now, come, Ishtar. Let's go to the camp."

The five of us head into the forest towards the village. Brit, Karena and myself exchange worried looks. None of us fancy having our heads on the end of Vada's spear.

To be continued after the TWQ....

T'Pol & Britney's Undercover Mission (Part One)

2009-11-09T15:00:00.001Z

I sigh as I know for this mission, I have no other choice but to ask the troublesome T'Pol to do it, and she's bound to insist that her even more troublesome friend Ensign Britney comes with her.

A knock on the door and T'Pol and her friend enter. Here we go.

"T'Pol." I begin, "This mission meeting was meant for you only."

"Captain." begins Britney, as she gets another tube of chewing gum out, "Where my soulsistah goes, I go, ain't that right?"

"Sure is, Brit, honey." T'Pol replies, "Now what do you want us to do, Captain?"

As I know they are both determined to go, I press on.

"Starfleet have informed that a band a rebel women mercenaries named The Virago have been causing havoc. They raid ships, outposts, anything to get more supplies."

"What do you want us to do?"

"Well, we've managed to capture their leader." I tell them, "Here is a picture of her."

T'Pol stands up in amazement.

"She looks like me!" the Vulcan says.

"Her name is Ishtar." I inform them, "She will be questioned here, but I think she will be very reluctant to answer any questions. By posing as their leader, you might be able to get a lot of information out of the other mercenaries. The shuttlecraft Ishtar was on had a preset route. We suspect it was to the planet where The Virago are on."

"This is gonna be cool!" Brit laughs.

"It's also highly dangerous." I reply sharply, "If they suspect T'Pol is not Ishtar, you lives will be forfeit. Ishtar has two trusted lieutenants, Vada and Sala. You have to convince them you are Ishtar. To help, Ensign Karena, the amazon from the USS Rhode Island will be going along with you to help. Tell the mercenaries that Karena and Britney are new recruits you have picked up."

"A piece of cake!" laughs Britney as she puts her gum into her Dr Martens boots to resume eating later.

The troublesome pair walk out to go to the outfitters to be kitted in costume for the mission.

Are The Virago ready for them?

To be continued...

TWQ: TV Shows We Grew Up With

2009-11-07T10:42:00.000Z

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about tvshows we remember distinctly when we were young.

What tv shows have you grown up with, and remember distinctly to this day? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

Timeslip (British science fiction)
The Singing Ringing Tree (East German children's story...very scary!)
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In
Happy Days
Doctor Who (original 1963-1989)

Now it's over to you...

Deanna's Tiff (Part Two)

2009-11-04T17:00:00.001Z

Two days have gone by. Deanna Troi and Will Riker still aren't speaking to each other.

It began when Deanna attended the Halloween cosume party on the Enterprise in a revealing outfit as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark. Riker tried to cover her up, Deanna said she could come as who she liked and from that point it all got nasty.

Right now, they won't talk to each other on the Bridge, but only tell me to tell the other. What will happen when we get an attack by aliens is beyond me!

-----------

"We've got to do something, Jean-Luc." Bev says to me, "We can't let this go on. Deanna and Will have to be put together again. It's bad for Bridge morale."

"I agree, Bev." I reply, "But how can we do it?"

"There may be a way." Beverly answers with a sly look, "But I'm not sure if it would work."

"I'll try anything." I tell her, "I'm tired of being the go-between when they want to talk to each other."

"This is what we do." Bev decides, "You go to Will and say he has a visitor in Room 4X1. I will go to Deanna and tell her the same thing."

"Room 4X1 is a secure room." I tell her with an understanding voice, "It may work."

----------------

We call them both on the Com, and Bev and myself hide round the corner. Soon, we see Deanna approaching.

She enters the room and Riker comes in not far behind and also goes in the room.

"LOCK!" Bev shouts, and the two of us rush forward to seal it.

At first there are cries of "Let us out of here!!" for a few minutes, then the tone changes, and the two of them are exchanging insults. Bev and I are listening at the door.

"It doesn't sound like it's going too well." I remark.

"Give it time, Jean-Luc." Beverly replies, "Just give it time."

After a few more minutes of barbed insults, it all goes very quiet.

"Maybe they've killed each other?" I comment.

"I don't think so." Bev answers, and we move to unlock the door.

Bev and I get a little embarrassed, as we witness Riker and Deanna in heavy kissing mode. I give a discreet cough, which stops them.

"Err, sorry, Captain." Riker says as he puts his jersey back on, "Deanna and I had decided to make up after our little disagreement."

"So I see." I comment sarcastically.

Deanna giggles. Riker kisses her again and the two of them leave the room.

"Yes, Will" I overhear Deanna say, "I'll put that Elvira outfit on for you tonight."

"Well done, Bev." I whisper to her, "Peace is again restored on the Enterprise."

Deanna's Tiff (Part One)

2009-11-02T15:00:00.001Z

What a relief the Halloween party is over.

I mean I thought it was going to be a lot of fun, but Deanna decided to come dressed as Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.

There were lots of wolf whistles, and Riker rushed forward to cover her with his Dracula cape. The two of them then had an argument outside.

"I'll come as who I like!" Deanna had shouted at him, with us all pretending not to listen outside.

"You virtually don't have a costume on!" replied Riker, "This isn't a Betazoid wedding where everybody turns up naked!"

"You don't have to worry about that, Will Riker!" Deanna stormily said, "There won't be a wedding between us!"

"What do you mean?" he replied.

"It's obvious." she sniffed, "I can't have you ordering me about like this."

With that she walked off.

------

Now it's the morning and I'm in the Captain's chair, waiting to see what has happened. All the others on the bridge are casually chatting when the door opens and Riker comes in, looking sullen.

Everybody suddenly stops talking.

"Morning, sir." he says quietly.

"Morning, Number One." say I reply, "I hope that..."

Before I can continue, the Bridge doors slide open and Deanna comes out, with her hair arranged badly. She doesn't say anything but sits down at my left side. After a few minutes of silence, she turns to me.

"Captain." she says, "Would you kindly ask Commander Riker if he thinks my hairstyle and outfit is plain enough for his approval?"

"Counselor..." I begin.

"Captain." Riker interrupts, "Will you kindly inform Counselor Troi that I consider her appearance more than plain enough!"

I feel Deanna's fury start to increase.

This can't go on!

To be continued....

TWQ: Scariest Horror Movies

2009-10-31T11:13:00.000Z

As it's Halloween, many of us will be watching a few scary moves. TWQ (The Weekend Question) is asking which are your favourites.

Which movies did you find really scary and are your favourites in that category? List as many as you wish.

My answers are:

The Mist
Let The Right One In (Swedish vampire movie)
30 Days Of Night
Halloween
The Orphanage
Orphan
Wolf Creek (Australian)

Now it's over to you...

Deanna & Will At The Galaxy Fair (Part Two)

2009-10-28T17:00:00.002Z

Guest Poster: Deanna Troi

Have you ever had the impression that you're left hanging in mid-air?

That's what happened to Will and me. We've come to the Galaxy Fair, where I had a lot of fun in the bouncy castle. Then Will got me a kewpie doll from the shooting gallery. Everything seemed to be going peachy when we started going up on the ferris wheel. Once we reached the top...it broke down!

------------------

"Can't they do anything, Will?" I ask as I sniffle away. The cold wind is approaching, the wind is increasing, and the seat we are in is rocking.

"I'm sure they are doing everything they can, Deanna." Will answers.

"Well they look frantic down there." I say in a slightly sarcastic way, "The organisers are running around frantically as if they are ants whose farm has just had a bucket of water thrown over it! Can't they beam us off?"

"No, they can't" he answers, "This planet is noted for having an old-style 20th century fairground. They are not going to implement any present day equipment like beaming technology. It took a lot of persuasion to get them to allow our shuttlecraft to land on the outerlying city."

"So what are we gonna do?" I ask, "I don't need my empathic abilities to tell me that everyone one on the wheel is very worried...and that goes for me three times over! Why did I let you persuade me to come here?"

"Deanna" Will exclaims, "It was YOU who wanted to come here. I was content with a holodeck version."

I mutter to myself then keep quiet. It's what I always do when I know he's right. It's a woman's privilege to sulk in these instances.

"Can you see that?" Will points, "There's a hook where the mechanism is all caught up. All it takes is that to be freed today and we'll start moving again"

"Have you lost your mind!" I exclaim, "You'd have to climb out and,,,"

"I'm going to do it." he decides.

He clambers out of the seat, which makes it start to rock even more. If you've ever wondered if a Betazoid can turn green when they feel ill, the answer is yes.

Will slides down the pole below and unhooks the tangled rope. After a few grinding creaks, the ferris wheel starts to move around again....with Will hanging in the centre!

I scream out, but as the seat lowers down towards the ground, he manages to gradually ease himself on to the seat we had.

"My hero!" I say, and give him a big kiss.

When we disembark, all the passengers congratulate him on his daring rescue mission. A policeman approaches.

"I'll have to ask you to leave the Galaxy Fair, sir." he states in a pompous manner.

"Why?" Will asks, although after the incident, I'm more than ready to go.

"I'm the Health & Safety Officer for this park." he answers robotically, "By leaving the ferris wheel seat, it was in clear violation of the rules that are stated when embarking."

"But he saved everyone on the wheel!" I protest.

"That is no concern of mine." the Officer continues, "You breached Health & Safety."

He gives Will a ticket and tells him he is banned from future visits to the park.

"I think we'll stick to holodeck versions in future." I tell Will, as we walk out, "And make sure there isn't a Heath & Safety Officer in the program!"

Deanna & Will At The Galaxy Fair (Part One)

2009-10-26T10:00:00.002Z

Guest Poster: Will Riker

"We might as well have set up a program on the Enterprise holodeck." I complain to Deanna as we walk towards the Galaxy Fair, "It would have been just the same...and a lot cheaper. The entrance fee was extortionate!"

"Don't be a whiner, Will." Deanna replies, "The Galaxy Fair is the best in the whole Federation area., "It's countless attractions just can't be duplicated within a starship. I want the real thing!"

"Sure." I say halfheartedly. I know there is no turning back once Deanna sets her mind to it. I might as well go along with it.

We look around and suddenly my girlfriend screams excitedly.

"Look Will!" Deanna exlaims, "A bouncy castle!"

She drags me along to it, and eagerly pays to go on.

"Come on, Will!" she shouts, "This is gonna be SO much fun!"

Reluctantly, I am forced to join Deanna, and the two of us bounce away. She screams and laughs. I am hoping that no one has a picture to show Captain Picard how his Commander and Counselor are spending their time.

After a while, we leave the castle, Deanna looking really pleased.

"Wasn't that a blast, Will?" she exclaims, "What shall we do next?"

"I don't know." I reply. Deanna pokes me in the ribs.

"Don't be a stick-in-the-mud, Will!" my girl orders, "We came here to enjoy ourselves, so let's do it."

I must admit that she has a point. I know I'm not a traditional fairground type, but while I'm here I might as well show some interest.

After sucessfully shooting ten successive ducks with a phaser pistol and getting a kewpie doll for Deanna, I think it might not be as bad as I thought.

"Look!" Deanna points out, "There's the ferris wheel. Let's go on that!"

We embark, and are soon heading towards the top, where it stops.

"Isn't this romantic?" Deanna coos in my ear, "The ferris wheel has stopped right where we are at the highest point."

"Yes" I tell her, but then look down, "I don't think it's deliberate. Judging from the panic below, I think it's broken down."

To be continued.....

TWQ: Halloween Fancy Dress Party

2009-10-24T14:16:00.000+01:00

Apologies for the lateness, but I have just returned from London.

Next Saturday is Halloween, so TWQ (The Weekend Question) is getting ready to pick a costume....

If you get an invite to a Halloween Fancy Dress Party, what would you like to go as, if money were no object in selecting the outfit? It doesn't have to be anything creepy.

My answer is :

I would probably be spoilt for choice, but a French aristocrat, in an elegant outfit and wig. As an addition, I might carry a basket with a false head in it!

Now over to you...

Conversation With Queen Diana

2009-10-22T16:00:00.002+01:00

"Incoming call from Wondawowman, Captain." Worf informs me as we sit on the Bridge.

This wakes me a little, as I was in a semi-doze state. After all, then the Enterprise is travelling through space, things can tend to look a little monotonous after a while and send anyone into a sleepy slate.

"I'll take it in my Ready Room, Mr Worf." I inform him, and go there.

I switch on the viwer there, and Queen Diana, leadfer of the Amazon race, comes on. When she sees me, she looks somewhat disappointed.

"Greetings, your majesty." I say in my best grovelly voice, "I hope you are..."

"Oh, it's you." she says flatly, "I was hoping to speak to a female in authority, preferably Karena's mother in law Beverly, or if she is not around, I will settle for Deanna Troi."

Though irked at this, I do my best not to show it.

"They are both away, Queen Diana." I say, "As I am the Captain, can you tell me what you wish to discuss?"

She sighs.

"Oh very well, please convey the message to Beverly." shew says, as if I am an errand boy, "We on Wondawowman are sorting out the preparations for the Christmas Party to be held here that will accommodate the Enterprise and my daughter and Wes' ship, the Rhode Island."

"That's excellent." I reply, "Are there any details you are not sure of which I can help you with?"

The Queen looks amazed.

"Of course not, Captain." she tells me, "You are just a man and have no idea on this sort of thing. The women on your ship, together with the amazons on our planet will make sure it all runs efficiently. Just don't get in the way."

"Perhaps if the seating were man, woman, man wonan, it will be a good way of breaking the ice for people who don't usually have a chance to talk?" I venture to suggest.

"That is out of the question, Captain." she replies haughtily, the women will all sit together, while the men will be placed at the back. Occasionally an amazon will bring them some food over if she is not busy and the women have all had theirs."

"But...your majesty." I try to say.

"We are rumnning the party, Captain." she tells me, "Therefore it will be done the way we want to. Please forward the message to Beverly Crusher. Goodbye."

The screen blips off. I walk back on to the Bridge.

"Anything wrong, sir? asks Data.

"No, Mr Data." I tell him, "I think I've just been demoted to Errand Boy status."

How did the party get given to the amazons? It sounds like it will be a heap of fun this year!

Jennifer & Ro's Away Mission (Part Five)

2009-10-20T17:00:00.002+01:00

Guest Poster: Ro Laren

Jenny Baxter and I are in the throes of saving the universe right now. I'll let you know if it all goes wrong. Although even if I do, there won't be too much point in telling, as everything will be in ashes.

It all started very easily when the two of us were scanning a nebula. We got drawn into the other universe, where this crazy alien, who looks like he escaped from Roswell tells us he's going to send a tri-cobalt megatron bomb through to our universe then take over.

We've managed to elimate the energy dampening field that was preventing Jen's multi phase disruptor from working, so now we have to work fast.

-----------

"Come on, Ro." Jennifer urges me as we run through the corridors towards the Control Room, "Commander D'Arta is counting down the release time to the bomb."

We head in and see D'Arta walking around, while his minions work on various control stations.

"The doorway to the other universe is open for five minutes, Commander." I hear one of them say.

"Very well." D'Arta says in his best screen villain mode, "Release the bomb."

"Jen....." I stutter, "Are we too late?"

"It's never too late to prevent the end of the universe." she replies, and gets the disruptor ready to fire.

The disruptor beam shoots out all over the complex machinary, and sparks start flying as if it's the Fourth of July and New Year's Eve all rolled in one.

"You foolish females!" shouts D'Arla, "Now the bomb will not be released in your universe, but instead will destroy this one."

The two of us look at each other swiftly. And know only one course of action.

Run to the shuttlecraft!!

When we get there, the announcer is saying in a slightly panicky voice "Two minutes to detonation."

We get in the shuttle and leave for the nebula exit

"Put the booster thrust on, Jen!" I shout, as I know it's going to be one of those last-second events we seem to get away with. The rift is closing, and the detonation is any time!

The shuttlecraft just gets through, and as the rift seals, I hear the beginning of the explosion in the other universe.

---------------

"So." says Captain Picard, as he talks to us later in his Ready Room, "Commander D'Darta, in his bid to destroy and rule this universe ended up blowing him and his own up?"

"Yes, sir." Jennifer concurs, "The bomb would have exploded had I tried to destroy it with my disruptor."

"Quite so." he tells me, "Well, it's good to know that both of you are on the Enterprise again. I was worried Data might not speak to me again after I let you go, Jennifer."

"I can take care of myself." she boasts, "I may need to adjust his male chauvenism circuit next time I see him."

We all laugh.

Jennifer & Ro's Away Mission (Part Four)

2009-10-18T17:00:00.001+01:00

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

This doesn't look like it's going to be my day. After a simple Away Mission with Ro Laren, it looks like the two of us will be viewing the end of the universe from a parallel one which we were drawn into while in a shuttlecraft.

Commandader D'Arta of the Vern Armed Forces is a complete universe-destroting nutcase. He wouldn't win any beauty contests either, unless all the contestants happened to look like those found in Roswell in 1947. Even then a dead one would probably win against him.

Anyway, he's sending a tri-cobalt megatron bomb through to our universe to do the damage. I think it sounds worse with a fancy title, though I wouldn't like to be around when it goes off.

-------------

"What are we gonna do, Jen?" says Ro as we are led away by a couple of minions. I think that is fast becvoming her catchphrase..

"I don't know, Ro." I reply, "But I know we've got to destroy the energy dampening field so the my multi-phase disruptor can get to work. We can't let that bomb go off."

We get thrown in the jail. Time for Ro and I to discuss strategy. Two guards stand outside.

"We've got to do something, Jen!" pleads Ro, "We can't just sit here and watch our universe burn to a cinder."

"Calm down, Ro." I tell her, "I think we'll have to use Operation Honeytrap."

"What's that?" she asks, and I whisper it to her.

A few moments later, I seductively call out to the guards.

"Hey fellas." I start, "Would you like to keep two lonely women company? You both look so hunky and strong. Ro and I are keen to have fun with you."

A few seconds later, the two alien minions come in, obviously very eager.

Ro stands there, about to but her arms round one, while I hide behind the door, knocking one unconsious. As the other one turns round, Ro hits him and lays him out.

"Well done, Ro!" I tell her, "Let's get that dampening field switched off. It must be on the Bridge."

We head that way, careful to avoid any of the Vern race. As we near the Bridge, we see a notice on a doorway.."DAMPENING FIELD CONTROL"

"Very convenient." I comment.

We look around and see that there is an OFF, an ON and a SELF DESTRUCT.

"I think we'll go for the last one." Ro says, and we both laugh.

We run out of the room just in time for the machine to blow up. I look at my disruptor and smile. It's ready to work again.

A voice over the speaker announces "Bomb countdown in progress."

"All right, Ro." I say, "Time to save the universe."

To be continued...

TWQ: Best New Inventions

2009-10-17T10:07:00.000+01:00

With so much new technology around nowadays, TWQ (The Weekend Question) is asking about new inventions.

What has been the best new invention for you over the last few years? List more than one if you wish.

My answers are:

The VCR has allowed us to see programmes when we wish, rather than when the company says . This has also led on to the SkyPlus (British equivilant of TiVo) and latterly the DVR (digital recorder)

The digital camera has allowed us to take as many pictures as we wish without committing to film.

Now it's over to you...

Jennifer & Ro's Away Mission (Part Three)

2009-10-15T15:30:00.001+01:00

Guest Poster: Ro Laren

This Away Mission that Jennifer Baxter and I are on seems to be going from bad to worse. It started simply enough when the two of us did an easy scan in the Aurora shuttlecraft of the Coral Nebula. Then a rip in space opened up, taking us into this other universe. We have been drawn to this warship. Jenny did her usual, coming out with her multi-phase disruptor, but it has no effect because of an energy dampening field. Now a booming voice is telling us that our universe will soon be destroyed.

---------------

We wait for the voice to show himself.

"That voice sounds so hammy." complains Jenny, "He's like a movie villain who says "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!""

"It might sound hammy to you, Jen" I remark, "But at this moment we ARE in dire straights!"

The two of us look around to see the owner of the voice.

Yuk! Not a pretty sight. He would scare the children away, although I must admit it would make a good halloween costume.

"I am Commander D'Arla." he declares, "I am leader of the Vern Armed Forces in this universe. I am pleased to say that our plans are going well so far."

"And what might that be?" I ask, in the hope that he does what all villains do, and that is tell the good ones what his plans are so that they can be thwarted.

"You may as well know." he continues, "As you cannot do anything about it. Our race have been trying to get a temporary entrance into your universe."

"For what purpose?" Jenny asks.

"To destroy it, of course." D'Arla laughs, as if the answer is obvious, "We send a high powered tri-cobalt megatron bomb through it, then seal the entance. It will destroy all life in a billion lightyear radius. We will then go in and take over. Here is the bomb."

We look over to see it.

"It looks nasty, Ro." whispers Jenny, "We've got to stop it from happening!"

"Take them away!" D'Arla orders to a couple of his minions, "Time for the countdown to commence!"

To be continued after the TWQ...

Jennifer & Ro's Away Mission (Part Two)

2009-10-13T17:00:00.000+01:00

Guest Poster: Jennifer Baxter

This is a fine pickle!

Ro Laren and I were making a routine scan in the Aurora shuttlecraft on the Coral Nebula when a piece of space opened up in front of us and drew our craft in then closing up.

I know Data will be frantic over my disappearance; he left his emotion chip on after kissing me and wishing me good luck.

------------

"What are we gonna do, Jen?" asks a worried Ro, "However are we going to get back?"

"I'm not sure yet, Ro." I reply, "But the first thing I have to do is change my clothes."

"Why's that?"

"I've a feeling that I might need my leather fighting outfit here." I tell her, "Fortunately I also packed my trusty multi-phase disruptor. I never leave home without it."

"Good thinking." laughs Ro, "The trouble is this ship is not operating by itself. It's been drawn somewhere."

Eventually, we see where our shuttlecraft is being pulled to....a large warship.

As it lands, I get my guns already. I'm ready to ventilate a few nasty aliens that brought us into this universe.

We run out, me with my disruptor ready to shoot. I don't mind asking questions later.

As I start to fire, I realise my disruptor isn't working.

"Do not try." says a booming voice, "Due to the energy dampening field in this ship, your weapons will have no effect. Consider yourselves lucky. From this ship, you will be able to witness the destruction of your universe."

To be continued...

Jennifer & Ro's Away Mission (Part One)

2009-10-11T17:00:00.017+01:00

I call Ensigns Jennifer Baxter and Ro Laren into my Ready Room.

"Ensigns." I start, "You have both remarked that you haven't had enough Away Missions to go on, so I'm sending you on one in the next few hours.

Jennifer's face lights up, as if she and her boyfriend Commander Data have been given a weekend pass to a Spa Hotel.

"Thank you, sir." she replies, "I'm grateful to be given the chance. What do you wish us to do?"

"The Coral Nebula is approaching." I tell her, "We need someone to go close to it in a shuttlecraft and scan it. We should have some excellent results from our findings."

"Yes, sir!" she beams, pleased at being given the assignment. As she leaves, Data comes in and asks me why she is looking so happy. I tell him.

"I am concerned that Jenny is being such a dangerous assignment, Captain." he tells me, "The Nebula is very dangerous andd unpredictable."

"Switch off your emotion chip, Data." I tell him, "It's a very easy job, just to scan the Nebula. Besides that, your girlfriend is one of the toughest women on the Enterprise. She always beats Worf in the endurance competitions. Don't wrap her up in cotton wool."

-------------

A few hours later, we on the bridge are tracking the shuttlecraft Aurora as it approaches the Nebula.

"Ro Laren to Enterprise" comes the videopicture, "I am nearing the Nebula, and am taking pictures now. The footage is wonderful. Jenny is looking around for the best views."

It sounds like the two of them are taking shots on their vacation!

We can see the Nebula image in front..

"Baxter to Enterprise." Jennifer says in alarm, "I am getting interference on the scanner. Something is happening in front of me."

We see a rip in space start to open up. It looks like the Aurora is being dragged towards it...

"JENNY!" yells Data, "Get out of there....!"

He must have left his emotion chip still on. We all look as the tiny shuttlecraft disappears into blackness.

If we don't manage to get them back, I may vanish on Data's Christmas card list.

To be continued...

TWQ: Bait To Catch Me

2009-10-10T10:08:00.000+01:00

This week, TWQ (The Weekend Question) asks about the bait someone would use if they were going to trap you.

What baits would someone use if they were going to catch you? Be as imaginative as you wish and list as many as you like!

My answers are:

* Cheese

* Lifetime supply of cinema tickets

* Hyperfast broadband access.

* Invitations to fancy dress parties and free use of a costumiers.

Now it's over to you...

900th Post!

2009-10-08T15:00:00.001+01:00

900th Post!!!!!

Guest Poster: Ensign Britney:

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I was expecting a bald one to be posting this special 900th Post, but not Brit! She should either be in the brig or having a fun time with T'Pol.

You're right, of course, but the Captain can never resist that redheaded doctor of ours. Bev asks him to a late night showing of the latest movie in the Enterprise cinema , so off he goes, completely
forgetting the deadline for sending it in. The bell goes for sending it in, and as T'Pol and I happened to be passing, here we are doing all the work.

"So what are we gonna talk about, Brit?" T'Pol asks me as I type away.

"I dunno." I reply, "How about what we know most...ourselves!"

"Sounds good to me, honey." I reply, "Cause neither of us were here when the Captain started this Journal four and a half years ago. I've had a look at some of the old ones. This was the first:

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2005/04/waking-up.html

"Is that it?" laughs T'Pol, "It's a bit short and there aren't any pictures."

"Well, you know the Captain isn't that technologically minded." I reply, "It took him ages to figure out how to insert pictures."

"He should have bought The Dummies Guide To Writing A Starship Journal." T'Pol laughs, "That would have helped."

"I guess it would." I smile, "But he'd be ashamed asking for it.Anyway, I first appeared in a story called 'Starfleet Spam' when someone had used a picture of me and my mother in a dating agency!"

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2007/02/starfleet-spam.html

"I soon sued them after that, I can tell you!" I continue, "Anyway, I first appeared on the Enterprise soon after that in this following story."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2007/02/ensign-britney.html

"Naturally, I ended up in the brig at the end of it." I laugh.

"That's my Brit!" T'Pol laughs, "Still four months later I was on the scene in this story:"

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2007/06/mirror-tpol-part-one.html

"That's right, sugar." I comment, "But the best was nine days later when the two of us met for the first time, What better place than the brig? I knew the two of us were soulsistahs."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2007/06/tpol-britney-in-brig.html

"Too right, honey." T'Pol smiles, "What about that time we tried to get into that holiday resort as Janet Smith and Rebecca Jones?"

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2008/06/tpol-britneyalias-smith-jones-part-one.html

"That was a riot!" I say, "We are a couple of rowdies, aren't we?"

"Sure we are." T'Pol replies, "It's one of the things I love about you. The recent visit to your home planet of Delta was great."

http://jlpicard.blogspot.com/2009/09/ensign-britneys-parents-part-one.html

"Yeah, I'm glad you met my parents." I tell her, "We'll have lots of fun times together. Hey, what's that buzz?"

"It means the deadline for input is coming up, we'd better send this off." my soulsistah answers.

"But I've got masses to say." I protest, "Like the time you and I..."

"Not now, Brit." T'Pol tells me, "Just press the SEND....not THAT one, it's the DELETE!"

"Okay...got it.....bye everybody....!." I call out.

Rebranding The Q Continuum (Part Two)

2009-10-06T17:00:00.001+01:00

Guest Poster: Q

Has the Head Q lost his mind?

Our leader has told the Continiuum that he has been listening to focus groups and all those types who have suggested that we need to update our image to appeal to younger people. As a result, we have been renamed the Jive Continuum, our leader is the Head Jiver, and we are supposed to called each other 'Jive' from now on.

What a farce!

------------

"Our leader has been under the influence of those focus groups too much." my girlfriend Q tells me, as a group of us meet after the announcement, "We have been Qs since the year dot."

"That's true." says another, "I positively refuse to tell anyone my name is Jive. Instead of being powerful beings, we shall be seen as laughing stocks."

"Especially by Jean-Luc and Kathryn." I point out, "One of the great pleasures I have is needling those two whenever I visit. Imagine their reaction when I tell them what my new name is?"

"What can we do, sweetie?" says my girl to me, "It looks like it's too late to do anything. The Jive Continuum has been created."

"It can be un-created as well." I reply, "The Head Q might well change his mind if the right directive comes along."

Everybody laughs. They know how my mind works.

-----------

Later on, while the Head Q's secretary is on her lunch break, I sneak in and add an official directive, forged by me, but appearing to come from the focus group. It states that the instruction MUST be carried out.

"That'll shake him!" I think to myself.

----------------

A few hours later, there is another Emergency Meeting called by the Head Q. We all go to hear it.

"I have had a change of mind." declares the Head Q, "The Q Continuum will be continued to be called that, and things will be as they were before. I have fired those in the focus groups, as I believe their information was innaccurate."

He walks off and my girlfriend smiles at me.

"That's amazing!" she says, laughing, "What did you do, darling?"

"Oh, it's very easy." I said slyly, "That forged document from the focus groups said the Head Q should resign and make way for a person that appealed to the younger Q-wannabees."

"I'm sure he'd love to do that!" she concurs.

Now I can hold my head up high and pester Jean-Luc without calling myself Jive!

---------------

Editors Note:

Look out for the next post, which will be the 900th of this Journal.

Rebranding The Q Continuum (Part One)

2009-10-04T17:00:00.001+01:00

Guest Poster: Q

My girlfriend Q and all the others in the Q Continuum have all been invited to an Address given by our Leader, the Head Q. From the rumours I've heard, ity's going to be a major announcement.

"I wonder what it will be?" Q asks, as she sprays on her Essence of Andromeda perfume, "Maybe he will be retiring?"

"I doubt that sweetheart." I reply, "The Continuum has been in existence as long as the universe, and he has always been in charge. I hardly think he is going to retire to a house in the country and put on his pipe and slippers."

The bell sounds, and all of us make our way to the Hall of Q, where important proclamations are made. I don't always hear all of them as I tend to fall asleep halfway through

With us all assembled, there is a hush when the Head Q steps forward.

As always, I can't show you his face. He is too important for the likes of you to see.

"Fellow members of the Continuum." he begins, "I have disturbing news to impart. There has been a distinct lack of new members in the last 500,000 years. We think this may be the result of the image we are portraying as omniscient beings. After consultation with focus groups, brand image experts and various media experts, I have come to the conclusion that the Continuum needs a facelift, and rebranding to a bright new image that's sellable in today's markets."

There is a gasp of astonishment around the Hall. Things have been cosy for the last......well as long as I can remember.

"The first thing we must do." continues the Head Q is rename the Continuum. From now on it will be known as the Jive Continuum, and you will all be known as Jive."

I wince. Q next to me winces as well.

"I shall be the Head Jiver." says the Head Q, "We shall also have an attractive catchprase..."Geet in tune with the Jivers and dominate the universe."

"It really rolls off the tongue!" says another Q sarcastically.

"What are we gonna do?" My girl asks me, "Everybody will laugh at us!"

"That's true." I reply, "I would never live it down if Jean-Luc found out about it."

To be continued....