Susan her three cats and a guy we'll call Jack

2006-07-08T12:00:00.000-05:00

What a morning. We got up, Jack started the morning off saying he MIGHT want to go to the Emergency Room. His knee has been hurting him so bad lately that he can barely walk on it at times. He severely burned his left hand at work with some kind of chemical. I've had to keep changing the dressing for him every 8 hours. It gets to burning so bad he can hardly stand it. Anyhoooo....I finally got him calmed down enough thismorning that I thought maybe getting him out for breakfast would make him feel a bit better. So he finally agree's after much moaning and groaning. As we're driving up to the resturant I happen to look over at this trailer in the parking lot of a car dealership. I thought "damn that looks like the back end of a race car....OH DAMN that's the back end of Dale Jr's race car. So I point and barely get it out. Jack spins the truck around to have a better look and I'll be damned if it wasn't. "OMG we need the camera." I say...so off we go back home to retreive the camera. We got back and took some pictures. He was smiling from ear to ear. "Baby take one of me and the car, baby take one of the inside, baby take one of the back....." I was so happy for him after all the recent shit he's been dealing with and going threw I started tearing up. We just got home and I've gotten the pics off the camera to share them. Oh, and I've sent some off to walgreens to pick up the 8x10's later. I hope everyone has a great weekend...here's the pic's:

2006-07-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

Today is a Monday and a Friday for me and Jack. How so you ask? Because neither of us were lucky enough to get a 4day weekend from our employers like 90% of the rest of the population did. So here I am, working today, off tomorrow and then finishing out the week. It's going to be a very busy week too. 4th of July tuesday, Doctor appointment for me Wed. (please give me drugs!), Alisha's Birthday Thursday ($%$#*%!!!!!!!) and on top of it this is the first of the month which means busy busy busy!!!

Mentaly I've been ok, I have had some good days. I wish they were GREAT days, but I'll settle for good. This will be a stressful week for me, so keep me in your thoughts if you can.

Thank you all for being there for me. Have a great Holiday week and be safe!

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-29T07:46:00.000-05:00

My evening went like this: (side note, for those who don't know, my husband Jack has degenerative disc disease and severe arthritis in his spine and because of this suffers from chronic back pain)

Jack walked threw the door, home from work as he does everyday. Only this day the look on his face was of pure pain. I knew right away that something was wrong. He was holding his backpack as if it was the heaviest thing in the world. I grabbed it from him and set it down "jeesus are you ok?" I asked. The pain was so bad he could hardly open his eyes to look at me or see where he was going. He was trying desperately to get to his chair. Once in his chair he explained that two of the younger guys at work called in and instead of the supervisor getting someone else in the area to do all the heavy lifting that two young men usually do, he had Jack do the job by himself. "WHAT??!"I was furious and came unglued. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? "They KNOW you have back problems, didn't you say anything, didn't you go to your boss?" He didn't want to get fired for being old and having health issues so he thought he'd just do it and suck it up. Now he's half lame and I honestly didn't know if he'd make it out of bed to go back today. We depend on his income as the major source of our survival so having him down is not an option. He HAS to work.

I brought him two percocet's, the heating pad and dinner in his chair. About an hour later he could move about but very slowly. He fell asleep shortly after finishing his meal. I kept shaking my head trying to understand this old man's thinking. I guess it must be pretty scary being nearly 60 in the work place these days. His normal job is that of a 'lead' person who keeps a packing area performing smoothly. He usually sits behind a desk or packs small parts. He's loosing his eye sight rapidly and the back issue is getting worse and worse each year. I'm not sure how much longer he can keep doing this, but we need his income so badly right now.

I heard him waking in the other room so I said my goodbye's to my online friends. When I got to him he was trying to get out of his chair. The combination of the medication and the pain made him look like someone I didn't know. I spent an hour giving him a rub down with menthol oil fed him a snack and sent him off to bed. He slept soundly and was up this morning getting himself ready for work. I must have fallen back to sleep because I never heard him leave and had to get out of bed to check and see if the truck was still here. I guess he was ok.....I hope.

So I'm off now to get my work done and worry sick about him all day. I hope everyone has a great day and it's full of joy and happiness!

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-27T07:37:00.000-05:00

As I sleepily sip my tea and try to understand what the T.V. is saying to me I can smell the rain in the air. Yet another day of rain, spotty they say, but rain none the less. The only good coming of it is the cool air. I've scanned the message boards for something of interest. Not much there, a birthday wish and a video caught my attention. I've grown so very tired of the feuds and the childish behavior that I can't hardly bring myself to go back. I've checked all my mail and deleted most of it.

I had the pleasure of talking to an old friend yesterday. I hadn't seen her in 3 years. She used to visit atleast once a year. Talking about the past and catching up on things was extremely painful for me. It was all I could do not to burst out in tears. However, there was laughter in our chat. She was always good at making me laugh. I remembered how much I loved her, she was always so witty and bright. When she would visit we would have sleep overs like little girls again, laughing and giggling all night until Jack and Doug (her boyfriend) would tell us to get to bed. I hadn't realized how much I missed her.

I hope today brings all my friends peace. I love you all and know that I think of you daily.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-26T10:26:00.000-05:00

Im not sure what blogspot did with my pictures, but I will try and fix it if I can.

Well it's Monday again....and it's busy busy busy as always. I found out Friday that the owner of the apartments I manage is selling this one that I live in. This could be good and it could be bad. I'll just have to wait and see. I may have to look for another job which is fine, I need to get away from this. I just hate change, change scares me.

Well I guess I should go, there really isn't much else going on in my little world worth reporting about.

Be well friends and smile today. It'll make you and someone else feel good.
Susan
~peace~

2006-06-23T19:32:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone is doing better then I am. I've been sick for a few days. Haven't really felt like doing much. My head feels like it's going to explode and my tummy and I are fueding.

I'm relaxing in front of the tv and watching 'brother where art thou'. I love this move. The music is great and always makes me want to get up and dance. I'm chair dancing and damn good at it too.

I want to thank everyone who has sent me emails and cards telling me how much they miss me and love me. You guys are the best! I promise as soon as I feel better I'll start posting more.

Well, the movie is getting good and I need to scoot. You all have a great weekend and please be good to each other.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

Well it's Monday again....Could be a busy day or a most boring day. Wont know till later.

I had a nice weekend. I've been getting hooked on watching movies that I haven't seen before. This weekend I watched The pink panther,The human stain and Patch Adams.

Up town they had a car show and street fair for Fathers day. If it hadn't been so hot we might have wandered around the car show, but the sun and humidity were bruital. They had a big fire on the down town square during the street fair. I over heard two people talking at the laundry mat on sunday morning that it was pretty bad.

Jack's daughter stopped by with flowers and a card for Jack. We sat around and talked for an hour or so. She's enjoying her new job and thinking of moving to a smaller town near by. I sent my father some e-cards and decided not to call him. I don't know why I avoid him so much. I think maybe I still hold on to a grude from some 16+ yrs ago. When I was getting married to my first husband, he was just newly married and his wife and I didn't get along. Words were exchanged which resulted in him not coming to my wedding. My brother had to walk me down the isle. I think I still hold a deep pain from that because I had always felt like family was family and you should always put blood first. I felt as though I was second place to the new wife when it came to my day. Anyhooo....I guess in some ways I still kinda get sore about that and find it hard to be a good daughter. I am sure he's sitting at home thinking I'm not that great because I didn't call....but the feeling I had on my wedding day without him there was much worse I assure you. I think it was then that I first learned that people you love and you thought loved you will hurt you for their own gain. Most of the men in my life have never really been what I thought they were, or treated me as I thought I deserved. I guess it could be why I have now recently begun to not trust men.

I wish all of you a wonderful week and I hope nothing but happiness greets you.

susan
~peace~

2006-06-16T14:02:00.000-05:00

You know it's going to be one of those days when you wake up crying and an hour later your laughing your ass off.

It's no secret that I have cats...And I've shared a million times on here about my love hate relationship with my babies. Thismorning was hard. I had a horrible dream...A dream of death and dieing. I'm so scared to die...This was so real. As IM waking and wiping tears from my check I hear the sound all cat owners hate to hear. "ack plack ack acccck blaaaa". "CRAP!" I said out loud in a tired voice as I rolled out of bed. Now I was going to have to make my way to the bathroom without finding the mess with my toes, get my contacts in and go on the hunt for it.

I looked everywhere and couldn't figure out where the barf/hairball was. So I decided to stop looking because sometimes it does mysteriously disappear. I stumbled into the kitchen, wasn't hungry, out of pop, made myself some tea. My tummy rumbled in pain. I screamed at it to shut up. Turned on my computer, checked my office messages, straightened some papers and before I sat down I opened all the windows. Ahh...it's still cool. I set my tea down and plopped into my computer chair. It took 2 min for the puke/hairball to seep past my jeans and alert me. I jumped up only to realize my worst fear. With all that has happen to me lately all I could do was laugh. I knew it was going to be a good day!

For those of you who read religiously.....I hope today finds you well. For those of you who just stumbled into my world....Welcome and take a helmet from the basket by the door. Your gonna need it.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-15T08:53:00.000-05:00

The morning air is cool. I love having the windows open. It wont stay this way for long though, the weather bug tells me it's going to be in the 90's this weekend. I can take high 80's, but once it gets into the 90's I have to stay indoors. It really sucks, I feel like a prisoner, like a sick child watching everyone threw a window having fun. I love boating, fishing, swimming...but my body hates the sun. I have to be really careful in the summer time not to get over heated or stand in the direct sun for to long.

The fruit stands are filled with loads of beautiful strawberries. I'm thinking of getting some and making a strawberry pie. I haven't made one in a looooong time and boy does that sound good right now.

Jack got me some flowers yesterday from the market. I love these because they go perfect with my kitchen decore. Please enjoy these.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-14T08:15:00.000-05:00

I'm struggling a bit today, could be the rain coming in, I miss the sun. At least my good days are more then my bad days have been lately. I recover quicker from set backs. I know that has to be a good thing considering 2 months ago I couldn't even lift my head. I'm getting my sense of humor back...Even cracked myself up last night.

Today I have to get back to exercise. I might be able to get in a walk before the rain comes. I'm looking foreword to the fresh air and the feeling of accomplishment. It's time for me to come out of the hole and look around. If I go back in we're having 6 more weeks of summer.

I hope everyone has a great day today....Smile like you stole something!

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-09T08:18:00.000-05:00

Today is suppose to be absolutely beautiful. Low temps, sun, cool breeze spotty rain here and there. Today is my short day at work. I'll be able to get some cleaning done before the weekend starts.

Jack is feeling better, I got him laughing yesterday and his pain has been getting much better. I can only hope this will be a great weekend for him. I plan to get him out in the fresh air, a picnic, walk...etc. I'm looking foreword to spending some quality time with him. It's time now for us to heal and set the past behind us.

I've attacked my mysterious rash with tea tree oil again this year and it's showing signs of clearing. I found some homemade tea tree oil soap yesterday and bought the last of what they had. Not only does it help my rash but my head cold has cleared too.

I wanted to take some time in this blog to tell a very special friend of mine that I love her and I think about her everyday. It's all I can do NOT to bug the crap out of her with e-cards and little messages everywhere. I know she reads my blog so I wanted to say to her here that I feel her pain and I'd gladly carry some of that for her if it would help her. My heart aches when I read how much she is hurting and I feel so helpless. I've been in similar darkness and it's a scary place to be.

I want you to know *S*, that it's because of you that my head is up today. It's because of you that I am healing. You listened to me when I needed you and you didn't judge me or make me feel worse then I already did. You were a true friend! If there is anything I can do to repay you just say so and I am there. I love you and just know that my thoughts are with you daily. I pray for you to heal and be well.

Friends, go forth today with a smile on your face. If not for yourself, it will be a gift to another.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-05T07:22:00.000-05:00

Well here we are again.....A new week. I've vowed to keep myself busy and away from the computer as much as possible. I have so much work stuff to do that I've been putting off for months. Stuff I should have been doing but was to busy avoiding it. Now it's time to crack down and get it all done. It's ok though, it's just what I need to keep myself focused on my life around me.

It finally stopped raining and storming. Well at least for a few days. I think more is expected this week as early as tomorrow. The rain and the storms don't bother me to much. Even a couple tornado warnings aren't to bad, but when you have them everyday for weeks it's enough to drive you nutty. I always panic when they sound the sirens. I don't think I'll ever get used to that sound. I spent the majority of my life in the country. We didn't get sirens to warn us. So I get excited and not in a good way, running about trying to remember what IM suppose to do. Get in the tub? A closet? A place in the center of the building? The north end? South end? Which is it??? arghhhhh! It was easy when I was a kid, you went to the basement. We don't have one here so the rules are so complicated now. And why do men stand outside to watch the tornado that's coming to kill them? How stupid is this? Playing chicken with mother nature, not ME. I think it's far better to run about in a panic indoors trying to decide which room you'd rather be buried alive in.

Over the weekend I stopped at a couple outdoor sales. I love to find a bargain. I ran across a swag lamp and couldn't pass it up. I've been wanting one of these in my living room for years. We get absolutely no light in there except for a floor lamp that does a great job of lighting the ceiling. To bad I'm not up there reading then it would be perfect. I don't know why these things are so hard to find now days, but they are. All the ones I've run across are straight out of the 70's. Including the one I found this weekend. At first sight I thought "it's so brown and ewww", but then I felt my creative side slap me. I knew this would look great when I got done with it so I handed the gal 5 bucks and away I went. A bottle of white paint, some little flowers from the craft section at wally world and an hour later I had the cutest swag lamp ever.

Well I've bored you all enough for today. I hope all of you have a great day and wonderful week full of happiness.

Susan
~peace~

2006-06-02T07:37:00.000-05:00

What does a person do without true friends? I know I would have gone mad without them. I have some of the most wonderful friends in the world and all over the world at that.

I was going crazy holding something in and didn't realize that the reason I was having such a hard time dealing with a problem was because I hadn't turned to my friends. It's times like this you find out which friends you value and treasure most. Once I was able to release the darkness I held within me I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders.

I had to also do some major soul searching this past week. Everything I was raised to believe in was challenged. I had to step deep within myself to find out who I really am. What I can handle, what I can't, how much compassion do I have, how understanding am I, how critical can I be and the list goes on. I always knew that I had the ability to see ones true self and I was always raised to look at the intent of a situation and not just what one does. There is intent behind everything we do and what we do is based on our intent.

Someone hurt me and I now realize that it was not their intent to do so. And as long as they show remorse and are truly sorry for what they have done then I can not find it in my heart to condemn them. It's times like these that you have to give all of your fears and worries to God and leave it into his hands. I am not the maker, I am not to judge and I am human, therefore I will live MY life the way I know I should and everybody else is on their own. I have to focus on me and only me. Worry about me and only me. In the end 'me' is all I have.

Until you walk a mile in my shoes do not judge me or my actions. Do not question what I do and why I do it. In order for me to heal I have to do what's best for me not what anyone else might think is best for me. No one on this planet can tell you how you feel or how you should feel. Who do you know can cast the first stone? WHO? I thought not! Sin is not measured in heaven like humans measure it on earth. A sin is a sin and each equal. If you are truly sorry for your sin you will be forgiven. It is only human to turn one's back. Humans judge and condemn each other, God embraces his children because he has unconditional love for us. Love is a powerful emotion and true love can endure all things good and bad.

The door opened in my search for answers to my most challenging moment in life when I remembered something I had done to someone several years ago. I had nearly forgotten about it. It dawned on me that although the situations were different, they were in some ways the same. I was not cast to the sea to be eaten by sharks, I was not marched threw the streets to be shamed. I had to own up to my wrong and seek forgiveness which was the hardest thing I had ever done. That person forgave me and still to this day loves me. So I thought, how can I not give what was given to me? How could I ever expect anyone to ever forgive me of any mistakes I may yet make if I can't do the same in return for others? How hypocritical would that be? In the end It will be me and God and no one else. I want to live my life in such a way that he will be proud of me. He will be proud of me for reaching past my human weaknesses in going above what is expected of me. He will be proud of me for showing compassion and being truly understanding of others. He will be proud of me for being loving and caring to others. He will be proud of me for being me.

What if we were only judged by our wrongs? What if only our wrongs stood in plain view for all to see and no one ever saw anything good that we ever did? Why is it that we are to quick to see the bad in someone and not the good? Why do we not look at a person as a whole? We are to quick to hide our own faults behind our backs with one hand and with our other hand point our finger in disgust.

For all of you who are struggling with deep emotional issues at this time in your life, may you find the answers that you need to rise above your troubles. May you find a true friend to listen to you and love you. Even if they can not give you the words and advice you seek, may they simply hold you and comfort you in their embrace. Go forth today in peace! I know I will!

I love you!

Susan
~peace~

Happy Birthday Andy!

2006-05-05T09:02:00.000-05:00

Today is my Son's 14th Birthday! Happy Birthday Andy!

I am so proud of my Son, he has turned into a wonderful young man. I wish for him only the best in life as any mother would. I hope all of his dreams come true. I miss him terribly. I tried to call him thismorning...but as always, my ex has the phone busy. It is busy 24/7...nice eh? I haven't been able to speak to my kids. I try every night and every night...buzz buzz buzz. SO....I can only hope he receives my card and has the happiest of Birthdays today!

I love you Andy!

Those of you within reach of your children....hold them and never let them go.

Susan
~peace~

2006-05-05T08:52:00.000-05:00

If you have ever de-haired yourself with a lint brush before walking out your door........You might be a cat owner.

If you do not own any black clothing.........You might be a cat owner.

If you have ever stumbled down the hall at 3am and stepped in something wet and hairy.......You might be a cat owner.

If your buying better food for your pet then you are for yourself......You might be a cat owner.

If you have ever been awaken with a furry object standing on your chest and yowling.........You might be a cat owner.

Happy Happy Birthday....Happy Birthday To ME

2006-04-12T13:22:00.000-05:00

35 isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but then I've only been 35 for less then 24hours. Where does time go? I can still remember sucking on my doo lolly (that's a pacifier for all you kids that didn't get one!) and crawling around on the floor. Now here I am a grown woman pushing 40.

Last year I had myself convinced that when I turn 35 the world as I knew was going to end. I had visions of waking, looking in the mirror and finding wrinkles, bags and saggy things. So far so good, everything seems to still be in place and no new wrinkles yet. Ofcourse I'm kidding, it's my strange sense of humor. The truth is I was really dreading turning 35 but today, but I feel good and happy that it's my birthday. That's purely because of all the wonderful friends I have that wished me a Happy Day. I have to admit, I was completely blown away by all the messages and e-cards I received. Thank you to all of you for making today such a special day for me. All of the birthday wishes also renewed my spirit and got me out of my funk that I had been in. I feel more like my old self today then I have in months.

Everyone has been asking if I have any special plans for my day and the answer is not yet. Jack has a doctors appointment late today and most likely he will be whistle bit by the time we leave there. So...tonight just relax and get Jack feeling better and perhaps on Friday I can talk him into taking me fishing. I would love nothing more then to pack a picnic lunch and spend the day fishing with Jack. I'll make my special catfish dough balls (for the fish!) and maybe I'll finally catch one big enough to eat! For those of you who like to fish for catfish, here is my recipe for the best dough balls in the world. Guaranteed to catch catfish fast! I made these and have been asked to make them for the local fish and wildlife ranger. He was impressed! 1 can of fancy feast shrimp and tuna feast cat food and just enough flower to make a dough sticky but not stick to your fingers. Kind of like when you make bread dough, it gets smooth with just the right amount of flour. Make them into half inch balls and place them around the top of a treble hook (not on the barbs, up higher on the eye of the hook). Cast these dough balls out and let it sit on the bottom of the lake. Have your bucket ready because your gonna catch catfish left and right! I promise!

May your Easter weekend be full of happiness, family and joy!

Susan
~peace~

Ungrateful beast

2006-04-02T07:28:00.000-05:00

Cats are unique in that they do what they want to do regardless of what you want them to do. That's been a hard lesson for me to learn.

Yesterday Jack and I ventured into the city to do a little shopping. I wanted to look for some new shoes and maybe pick up something for the Cats to play with, after all they do need something to spark them to play and exercise now and then. We stopped at petco and found ourselves deep into the bowls of the store wandering about in the cat section. I never knew there could be so many different kinds of fuzzy mice. Ones that squeak, ones that scurry across the floor, ones that pop out of the holes in plastic cheese...I admit that one did look fun!

What I was looking for was something they could all three enjoy and would be fun and functional for them. What I did notice right away is that most of the toys, beds and play tree's are made for normal sized cats. We had to keep in mind that Priscilla (the calico) has a pretty large middle, beginning and end. She wasn't going to fit into some of the things with small holes or be able to climb to the top of most the cat tree's. We also had to keep in mind that Layla is thinner and more active and would find some stuff very boring. We weren't worried about Gert to much, she rarely moves off the end of the bed anyway.

After spending a good part of the afternoon looking at every possible option and ruling out several, we did settle on something we knew they would all three enjoy. I've included a picture:

As you can see, this box was perfect! It had a window and everything! The good part was the box came with a fuzzy tunnel thing that Jack and I can use to decorate our living room with! Jack thought maybe we can use it as feet warmers or store our slippers in it. It's great...it looks wonderful and fits right in with the large cat tree and cat bed that they NEVER use! I'm not bitter! I'm just confused! Oh well....I still love them.

Here are some really cute pictures of a few odd moments that they actually have played with anything we bought them that wasn't a box:

Well thanks for stopping by! I'm off to find some more boxes!

Susan
~peace~

2006-03-27T09:57:00.000-06:00

Nearly a month to the day since I posted last.

The sun was shining bright thismorning and now the morning darkens with a storm closely approaching. I can hear the thunder in the distance as I type this. Tornado season is here and I suspect we're going to be in for alot of them this spring.

For those of you who care...Jack's doing better. He's got some pain medication to help with the back. It's nice to see him smile and be goofy again.

I'm finding it hard to blog today because I don't really have anything new to tell. So...I'll close for now. I doubt anyone even reads this anymore, but for those of you who still peek now and then..thank you and may your day be bright and full of happiness.

Susan
~peace~

2006-02-28T09:40:00.000-06:00

Life is what you make of it.

If you walk around all day long looking for the negative, then you will find the negative and visa versa. The problem is that life, being what it is, makes it very hard for a person to see the possitive. How does one see possitive threw bills, work stress, relationship issues, money concerns, family matters...etc? Well, sometimes I think of people who are worse off then I am, then I remember that the family down the street with 4 kids and a broken down car is getting $4,000.00 back in taxes and I OWE again! I keep telling myself money is not the answer, although it sure does help! What about the guy with a bum leg in a wheel chair, he's got it bad right? Oh hell he's getting more in disability and social security then I make working my ass off, but it does suck to be him. OK, there has to be something....

I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, a man that truely loves me, 2 really great kids, dispite the fact I nearly screwed them up. I have a job even though it isn't the greatest and does give me stress, atleast Im working. I have true friends who are always there when I need them. I have 'stuff' that I can call my own.

Now if I can just keep remembering how much I do have dispite what I don't I'll be ok for another day.

Go forth with possitive thoughts.

Susan
~peace~

2006-02-23T11:23:00.000-06:00

I was sitting and enjoying watching American Idol last night when a call came in. I could barely make out what the person was saying and could hear someone else screaming and saying something. Finally I made out what the caller was trying to say "Janet, the lady in 209 is on the floor and not responding".

I rushed to put on my shoes, Jack was right behind me, how he gets his on faster then me I'll never know. As Im running down the street I can here the ambulance in the distance and immediately I stopped running. A thought ran threw my head that Im going to see a dead body and I don't want to. I was scared!

Janet is one of my tenants, she has always been a dear friend and I knew this day would come, I just didn't think it would be like this or now. She was in her 60's with just about every health problem a person could have. Several months ago she had a heart problem which caused the doctors to stop her heart and restart it. I visited her several times in the hospital and took care of her birds while she was gone. When I first moved in here with Jack she was the first person to ever talk to me. Soon we talked daily. She was one of those neighbors that likes to know who you are, how many kids do you have and anything else of interest. When I became the manager of the apartments I felt sad because I couldn't talk to her as much as I used to. She liked to gossip and I couldn't being the manager now. I feel bad because a lot of times I had to cut our conversations short due to me being so busy and not having time to chit chat.

I walked up onto the walk way to her unit and the tenant who had called me was very excited and trying to figure out if she was dead. I stood in the door way and knew she was gone. I didn't have to get close to know. "she's gone Amy, she's not here, she's dead" I said that over and over again and Amy continued to look for any sign of life. Jack walked up behind me and held on to me, I turned and told him she's gone and he said softly "I know baby". As the ambulance finally pulled up, Jack was waving them in to the right place and I told the woman she was gone. Amy was still inside babbling and crying trying to figure out if she was dead. I don't think she wanted to believe it, that's why she kept frantically checking. Everyone that lived near Janet loved her. You couldn't help not to, she was just that kind of woman.

One thing I will always remember about her is her absolute honesty. She was one of those ladies that told you how it was and you either liked it or not. She had an opinion about everything and was sure to let you know what it was. As hard core as she was she also had a really soft side to her. She always bought me Christmas presents and one year made me a Birthday dinner. I remember how she told me, she called and said "I've made you lunch for your birthday, now get your ass down here and eat it before it gets cold". That was Janet.....and I loved that about her. When ever she would call me, which was nearly everyday, I would answer and she would say "well shut your mouth" and I'd say "what do you want lady". It was just between us and then we'd spend the next half hour talking about everything and everybody that we didn't talk about the day before.

I stood at the window peeking in as the paramedic turned her over. I started to cry and then felt the urge to throw up. I held it in and Jack came and pulled me away. He knew I'd have more nightmares if I continued to look. I knew I would to, but couldn't help but to see what was happening. I didn't want to believe she was really gone. I talked to the police a bit and we tried to figure out who was her next of kin and where she'd keep the numbers. We gave the officer an address book that Amy found inside and they called her daughter. They told us she was dead and that the coroner was on his way. Jack held me tight and said it was time to go back to our apartment. I agreed and we did.

American Idol was still on, I couldn't even concentrate on it. I just kept playing the picture of her slumped over on the ground in my mind. I knew I wouldn't sleep. I felt sorry for her, for her family and wondered if she was ok where ever she was now. My mind swims with so much today as I try to call her friends and wait for her family to arrive. I can't get the picture out of my mind. I keep thinking I should have walked slower so I didn't have to look.

Good bye friend, I hope your ok now. I love you and will always remember you! God Bless You!

Susan
~peace~

2006-02-20T07:44:00.000-06:00

Bitter temps made it hard to enjoy the weekend and I've been trying to nurse a sick fish back to health. It's a large Albino Oscar that we've had for 5 years. It's bad enough that when they are fine they act weird, but when they are sick even weirder. It's hard to tell if he's really sick or sulking because I moved living room furniture around. Ya...they are that sensitive.
I'll never forget when we got him/her (we've never figured out the sex but always assume it's a he). He was just a baby no bigger then a half dollar swimming alone in a tank at the pet shop. We knew nothing about Oscars or any kind of fish for that matter. "aww, how sad, it's all alone...lets get it". We bought the little Oscar and a 10 gallon tank and headed home. We also purchased some friends to keep him company. Then one day we realized his friends were gone. They were no where to be found. Not floating, hadn't jumped from the tank...hmm *scratching head*. So we bought him two more little friends. It was at that moment when we dropped his new friends into the tank, that we realized what had happen to his other friends. "Ohhhhhhhh *gasp* did you see that!!".
We turned to the internet and quickly learned what kind of fish we had on our hands.

After that we learned that Oscars are very unique fish. They are often called the 'puppy dog' of fish. They are very sensitive to change, they don't like anything, will sulk when mad and sometimes will actually demand attention from you. Our Oscar can be hand fed, petted and often found scooping up large rocks and spitting them at the large pleco, his only surviving friend. We think he only allows it to remain so he has something to torture and it helps that it bigger then he is. When we moved from an upstairs unit to a down stairs until he was mad at us for a week. Every time I rearrange the living room he stops eating for a couple days. He will watch everything that goes on around his tank and Jack even swears sometimes he's watching T.V. with us. I have to admit, it sure seems that way.

Our Oscar is a little over 5 yrs old now and Im not sure how long they live. I noticed last week that he was not swimming right. He stopped eating and I've been treating the tank with various medications. I think we may have him on the mend now. Today he is actually swimming about and looking pissed off as usual.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and may you all have a wonderful week ahead!

Susan
~peace~

Happy Valentines Day!

2006-02-14T08:06:00.000-06:00

Ahhh....Valentines Day, the day most dreaded by men all over the world. What to get that special someone? Clueless men lined up at the local discount store to get the wife a card. Some just reach in and grab one, others actually read the card. Those are the ones that have been married the longest. They know the importance of getting one that says just the 'right' things. If you want to know which men are the best husbands, stand outside the hallmark store, cause those are the good men who pay top dollar, however, you have to go a week early to find the REALY good men, not the last minuters. All the single guys laughing and pointing at the 'whipped' men, when deep down they secretly wish they had someone to buy a card for. Some men buy the roses and chocolates and some men buy the stuffed gorilla's in red boxers that sing "hunk a hunk a burning luv". Other men are buying the wife a sexy new nighty that she'll never wear, but he prays to the sex God's she wont throw it in the draw with the 2 dozen others he's bought. A few men wont get anything at all and will pay the price for the REST OF THEIR LIVES! This is the day that will make or break a new relationship.

On the flip side, some women all over the world are anxiously awaiting for their brilliant husbands to FINALLY GET IT RIGHT THIS YEAR! Other women are sitting around the office staring at the door wondering when the flower delivery guy will walk in and a few women know the drill and don't care anymore.

I have already been kissed, wished a Happy Valentines Day and told to be dressed and ready for dinner out when he gets home tonight. Jack has already been conditioned. He KNOWS the drill, he's been there done that and knows that there is nothing worse then a woman pissed off on valentines day. Not from me .... I think part of the problem with society these days is that we put so much pressure on not screwing up Valentines day, Christmas, Anniversaries and Birthdays that we forget the other 361 'unimportant' days.

I would be lying if I said Jack and I were the perfect couple and never have problems. We struggle just like everyone else. He lives with chronic pain and I'm experiencing hormonal changes. Together our lives are cluttered with tears, extra strength tylenol and herbal supplements. It's very easy for me to dream and think of a different life. I am sure when I am having a hormonal moment Jack is playing that game too. We all do it, it's human nature to want to change what we can't.

My message for today is to make everyday Valentines Day with the one you love. It is easier to replace one brick in the foundation of your relationship, then having to rebuild it from the ground up. Jack was up last night finishing the last of the mortar around the brick he replaced yesterday. All is sturdy in our house.

Susan
~peace~

2006-01-29T08:13:00.000-06:00

It seems like so often some little, or sometimes big, incident happens at the apartment complex I live in. It usually involves water. The last time was a tenant leaving the lid to a toilet tank off and the flow master valve popping up and flooding the entire apartment and the one below. *ugh* what a mess!

Last night at 10pm Jack and I were snuggling down in bed when there was a very loud knock at the door. I knew from the sound of it something was wrong. I opened the door and a frantic tenant was standing at my door screaming that there is smoke in the hallway and in their apartment. I advised her to call 911 and I'd be right there. Jack heard part of the conversation and was already up, dressed and putting on his shoes. I had to get dressed and get my contacts in so I could see. Jack grabbed the flashlight and took off. By the time I made it down the street to the other building I was greeted by one of the tenants say "your husband went in the smoke filled hall and laundry room and came out with a smoldering trash can, someone threw a cigarette in it!". I walked up and my husband is standing there all calm and cool and saying "baby someone tossed a cigarette in here" as he showed me the trash can. We got all the doors open and aired out the laundry room and hallway. Just as all the smoke cleared the fire dept pulled up. There was a lot of speculation as to who would do that, why would someone do it, was it intentional or an accident, no one knows.

I was so proud of Jack for being such a pro in this situation because I certainly wouldn't have been. Most of you already know that my husband Jack is a retired Lt. Firefighter and last night I was thanking my lucky stars that he was and knew what he was doing. I don't think I would have went into a smoke filled room and felt around in the darkness. In fact I know I wouldn't have. I would have been to scared. I was so relieved to find out that it wasn't something major and we were able to take care of it. What could have been a disaster turned out ok and thankfully I had Jack here to help me. Normally I have to deal with these issues on my own. I don't know what I would have done without him last night.

Jack, if you read this...(and sometimes he does)....I love you and thank you for saving the day...or night...your the best!!

P.S. Thank you for going back and getting my shoes so I didn't have to stand in the rain any longer with bare feet. BRRR that was COLD!

Susan
~peace~

2006-01-28T19:01:00.000-06:00

I live in a nice neighborhood, it's a well ta do subdivision and the homes here are really nice. So are the apartment buildings, including the one I live in and manage. We pay to have our lawn mowed, our leaves picked up, our snow shoveled from the drive. The people who live in our buildings are generally nice people who enjoy living here and are proud to call this place home. For some reason the upity folks around here seem to think our yards are their dogs toilet. We have a strict pet policy here and our tenants have a designated area that they must take their dogs and pick up after them. Currently we have two dogs that live on site. Day after day I watch as a couple of neighborhood people walk by with their dogs. Anyone who has a dog or has ever owned a dog knows that dogs tend to go in the same spot a lot. So it's not a surprise that every time these dogs get here they have to stop in a regular spot and go. Normally I wouldn't give a crap (pun intended) because the owners picked it up before, but recently I've noticed they are not picking up after their dogs. So Im walking down the sidewalk that is in front of our building and there are several piles. It looks horrible, it stinks and it's gross. If I were a dog owner and I allow my dog to crap in someone else's yard.......Wait.....First of all I wouldn't let that happen in the first place and if it did by accident I would clean it up right away.

I remember watching the movie 'me, myself and Irene' and Jim Carey's charater got sick of his neighbors dog crapping in his yard so one morning he walked over and took a dump in the neighbors yard. Now Im not gonna do this, but I am trying to think up a way to stop this from happening. Perhaps a little homemade sign that says 'please pick up after your dog'? Or Maybe "Attention dog owners, our yard isn't a good place to do business" or "No Dumping". How about a catchy little rhyme like "I love my pet, you love yours too, Respect your neighbors and take the poo with you".

I know I probably can't do anything about it really, but maybe if just one dog owner reads this that doesn't pick up after their dog.....aww that's a stretch isn't it?

ok, rant over...Back to your regularly scheduled program.
Susan
~peace~

2006-01-23T11:16:00.000-06:00

I love it when Jack leaves his shoes out in the middle of the floor.

I love when he makes a mess with his lunch all over the table.

I love when he puts things away in the wrong place.

I love when he drives badly and scares me to death.

I love when he goes to take out the trash and spills garbage everywhere in my freshly cleaned kitchen.

I love when he leaves the sink dirty from shaving.

I love when he drinks the last of the milk and puts the carton back in the fridge.

Why?
Because it means he's still here with me!