tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-125300962008-05-11T18:23:08.894ZCmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1539125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-4843113776595813732008-05-09T14:22:00.001Z2008-05-09T15:28:17.701Z

Someone who thinks we'll put ANY old rubbish up here found the following humorous foodstuff. "Back in damp, cold northern Europe, I found the perfect companion to Fanny Tuna - I present Chinese cock sauce. Sprinkling fanny tuna with cock sauce actually makes for a rather horrid dish. But it's well suited for dating situations where the object of desire just needs a subtle reminder of what

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-92064113508139401942008-05-09T11:41:00.000Z2008-05-09T13:15:54.632Z

Honestly, do we really need to see so much of the table? We're not so desperate for content we're about to start a series of updates entitled "The Surfaces of Reader's Tables." "You've probably seen this before, but I can't be arsed searching the archives for the utterly unremarkable Sunrise Alkaline AA battery. One of my workmates found it in his bike light, and immediately thought of adding

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-66757541109628082422008-05-09T09:52:00.000Z2008-05-09T10:41:31.018Z

The reason for Wii's success revealed - putting little faces onto things so people subconsciously empathise with it and want to press it into their groins. "It's not as good as the recent tuk-tuk/van-thing face, I grant you, but I find the pained, yet leering expression reminiscent of 'The Nightmare Before Christmas'. You know, the skeleton fella - Chris."

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-78281422831983949832008-05-08T14:20:00.001Z2008-05-08T14:20:00.649Z

Three cheers for Quantum Search & Selection, which is showing a superb awareness of perspective with this one, plus it also knows the importance of putting the most presentable woman in the company at the front of the shot. The haircut says 'crazy Dutch lesbian' but the engagement and wedding rings would suggest otherwise.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-88045446652624693952008-05-08T11:42:00.000Z2008-05-08T11:42:01.661Z

"I put a new cartridge in over the weekend. It can't have run out by now, surely?" "Oh." What you're SUPPOSED to do, is look at them on the camera first. Then you can delete the ones you don't like before even copying them to PC. Printing them out THEN deciding is simply a waste. That thing had better not be allowed within six feet of the computer.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-34148609566204629182008-05-08T09:45:00.001Z2008-05-08T10:59:15.484Z

"MY CHILDREN! IT'S EATING MY CHILDREN!" Or it might be spitting them out. Or giving birth. It's an extremely gruesome scene, regardless.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-13798102285307006392008-05-07T14:31:00.001Z2008-05-07T14:31:00.598Z

From a man who would appear to be called "possession." Not sure what it is or does. And frankly, if something's not immediately obvious these days it's not going to get bothered with at all.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-58158001644947522932008-05-07T11:30:00.001Z2008-05-07T11:30:01.308Z

Yes, it really is worthy of capital letters. It's a calendar that encourages Australian women to get involved in the IT industry. It does this by dressing up existing IT-employed ladies all pretty. Or, at least, as close as any of them can get to pretty. "Australia is currently in the depths of an ICT skills shortage and this is how we are addressing it." "Featuring twelve 'women from

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-68474580410460173812008-05-07T09:52:00.001Z2008-05-07T09:52:01.150Z

It belongs to one of these two disgustingly enthusiastic ladies. It is apparently the world's biggest fish finger. Bird's Eye will be launching it under the brand name "Whale's Cock" this autumn.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-77419995264540348742008-05-06T14:32:00.000Z2008-05-06T14:43:39.892Z

A brave step forward for Samsung, which has allowed young model Sin-Yoo Tan (right) to appear in the fashionably dishevelled and dead-eyed look often favoured by supermodels. The uncropped original photo shows bruised shins and reveals that she is only wearing one shoe. SUBMITTER DANIELE'S COMEDY ANGLE: "Samsung should be disqualified for 'excessive attractiveness gap among female models'".

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-44518532348865043252008-05-06T12:01:00.001Z2008-05-06T12:01:01.323Z

Yes, a Uniross. But a Uniross in astonishing British Racing Green, the likes of which we have NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Photos taken by a man who must be a maths teacher. "Here are some pictures, sadly without my reflection or pictures of my home. The dramatically coloured MaxEnergy (nice use of camel case) in the back of one of those ergonomically-challenged Telewest remotes." "The giant perfo

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-33175541845140597932008-05-06T09:46:00.000Z2008-05-06T10:40:54.837Z

During periods of great boredom, one thing that's always fun to do is to spec up a PC on the Dell web site, then proceed with the order until you get to the following screen: Too scared to actually go through with submitting a "yes" answer. Has anyone 'followed through' properly?

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-20107067185786960152008-05-02T14:10:00.001Z2008-05-02T20:43:31.599Z

Obviously there was an error in the voting software. 'Old Calculators' is the official new Idiot Toys 'Thing'. So get them out for the lads. Although, sadly, the series would appear to have peaked with update #1. "Hello My Animal Crossing replacement site. You mentioned you wanted some feedback on what to cover. You mentioned old calculators were a possibility. I thought I'd try and get

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-76490942023178152202008-05-02T11:22:00.001Z2008-05-02T11:22:01.003Z

Congratulations to Soo Yun-Wat! She smashed through the pain barrier to remain on her knee, on hard laminate flooring, for a staggering 3 hours and 27 minutes. Her left leg was subsequently amputated at the thigh.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-53294844957925248972008-05-02T10:02:00.000Z2008-05-02T10:02:01.404Z

The video's already had five million views, so no doubt at least half of you have watched this eight times already. But we can't ignore a whining robot dog, especially the bit when a man kicks it so see if it falls over. Not quite as good as Carol Vorderman spelling out MILF, but nearly.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-70294238586718891832008-05-01T14:33:00.001Z2008-05-01T14:33:00.769Z

Photographs of two taps have arrived within the space of a week, both purporting to contain visible faces of some sort. You have to respect people that risk a beating by getting a camera out in a public toilet, so we have decided taps count as a gadget. "Here is a gadget with not only a face, but a full body that I managed to capture mid-urination. Just look at the embarrassment on it's

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-33169441007213019192008-05-01T12:30:00.001Z2008-05-01T12:30:00.282Z

Then you need a divorce! Yours from only £65, if she's as fed up with you spending all night on the internet as you are with her and her stupid fucking university friends*. That's the sort of cold, distant, uncaring and disinterested look women always have when in our presence. That's because we are divorced from reality. Getting divorced from reality is free - just spend 15 years on the

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-7228888146892604752008-05-01T10:07:00.001Z2008-05-01T10:07:00.278Z

From the site that gave you the hilarious LOLTUB comes the latest craze that's set to SWEEP THE WEB - battery stacking! How many batteries can YOU stack?! "Somewhat dispirited that my previous email about my ancient Grundig 'Tele Pilot' did not make it to your column instantly (which it did shortly after), I took to stacking AA batteries... After piling up five, I felt much better." "Also,

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-46320588653877334592008-04-30T15:08:00.002Z2008-04-30T14:10:46.713Z

Two rare alternate versions of the EASTPOWER, photographed a bit worse. This is not going to be an interesting or funny update. We're just being completists. "I found these batteries inside the remote control of a cheap amplifier bought from Argos and thought you might like them. I was initially excited by what appeared to be the Triforce on them, although this later turned to be upside down.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-19252554087795859332008-04-30T11:23:00.001Z2008-04-30T15:21:38.054Z

Here's a sad thing. We have accidentally acquired enough facts about batteries to know that a 950mAh capacity isn't particularly impressive. Can't wait to hit the laydeez with facts like this at the office Christmas party. We also know there are other USB batteries in existence. Only they are called cool and clever things. They are not simply called "USB Battery." Presumably, the idea is you

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-9447449362859099762008-04-29T14:45:00.001Z2008-04-29T15:07:25.382Z

We have exclusively acquired alternate images of the amazingly tight lawn. It would appear to be not quite as amazing as initially thought... Major kinking there at the end of stripe seven. Terrible. Something clearly distracted or startled the mower.

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-67779440045112065352008-04-29T11:30:00.000Z2008-04-29T10:37:33.204Z

The car dashboard with a face update is a personal favourite. Here's another one. "I've been noticing faces on every items surrounding me. My favourite has to be the well-featured inside of this car. It has ears, hairs and everything, making it the culminating point of the 'Gadgets with Faces' series. It cannot get any better, so please stop the feature right after. Use only bold characters

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-28966176748059402342008-04-28T13:54:00.000Z2008-04-28T13:30:11.635Z

Old Remotes may not be the most prolific feature we've ever done, but it certainly inspires passion among those who join in. Here's Eddie joining in and really going for it with his nondescript Hitachi laserdisk changer. OPENING PREAMBLE: "I've got a old remote update for you from the days when 11 buttons was all you needed. It's another laserdisk player remote but I've included the player

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-66390429098382410332008-04-28T10:58:00.000Z2008-04-28T09:35:56.508Z

Not only are these headphones made by "Telefunken" and therefore worthy of mention already, their box also features possibly the best-defined face we are yet to see. Shame it's only on a box rather than an actual gadget, but it's still very pleasing to the eye and the part of the brain that recognises faces. "This box from some crappy 70s-state-of-the-art headphone with cool volume wheels on

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12530096.post-19980056324044728952008-04-25T14:24:00.000Z2008-04-25T14:24:00.955Z

We are finally done with the epic save/resize/upload task that is putting the Piaggio PR image library into the public domain. If you ever need an image of a fashionable lady in the immediate vicinity of a motorcycle, we are here for you. "I know you have a hard on for press sites, image archives and lifestyle photography, so I thought I'd sent you this. It's only for Piaggio, but

Cmdr_Zorgnoreply@blogger.com