My Life

Chocolate Milk is the Weapon of Choice

2009-11-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

I just received a phone call from my 7th grader from the school office:

Hefty: "Hi mom"
me: "Hello"
Hefty: "I was sent to the office"
me: "why"
Hefty: "Because I spilled my chocolate milk at lunch"
me: "You were sent to the office for 'spilling' your chocolate milk?"
Hefty: "Yes and it got on a kid's shirt"
me: "spilling is accidental....are you sure 'dumping' isn't the term you're looking for?"
Hefty: "Well....I didn't 'dump' it....I kinda 'tipped' it"
me: "you 'tipped' your chocolate milk on another kid?"
Hefty: "yes"
me: "WHY?" *frustration rising due to his purposeful vagueness*
Hefty: "Well...I was sitting in that seat and I got up to throw something away and when I got back he was sitting in my seat and he wouldn't move so I 'poured' my milk on him"

That conversation was followed by a conversation with the principle which is when I was told that he was given lunch clean-up duty for his crime.

I believe I've just officially received an early initiation into the "mother of a teenager" club. His birthday is tomorrow. Assuming he lives that long....

On the one hand I'm laughing because dude....I will never have to worry about this child being picked on. He can hold his own. But patting him on his back for sticking up for himself is probably not the politically correct parental thing to do. So how exactly does one punish this type of infraction?

And I'm just realizing that I forgot to ask who he did this to. I'm praying it wasn't one of my friends' children.

Another parent of the year award down the drain....

There's Gotta Be A Book In Here Somewhere....

2009-11-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

Stephanie Meyer was on Oprah recently and I just watched the DVRed version yesterday. I find her story incredibly fascinating. She's just an ordinary SAHM of 3 boys. She was at that crossroads in her life on the verge of losing herself (and her mind) in the name of motherhood. I've been there. Hell, I may still be there. She revealed that Twilight came from a dream. She had never written a short story let alone a novel nor had she any aspirations to be a writer. She is an avid reader but had never been into vampires or vampire stories. She simply had a dream one evening about a girl and a shiny sparkly boy vampire. She wrote her dream down and it became the 13th chapter of Twilight. She didn't even tell her husband she was writing this story. She told her sister. Her sister read it and encouraged her to try to find an agent and publisher. She was rejected by NINE agents before she found one that said "I'd like to read more".

And now 5 years, 4 books, and 2 movies later? She's an extraordinary SAHM.

I'm an ordinary SAHM.

I have lots of dreams.

And I read lots of books.

So lets analyze these dreams and see if we can't come up with a general idea for a book...

I used to have recurring nightmares about a certain individual in my life (whom will remain nameless). I haven't had one in a very long time but I've done horrible unspeakable things to this person. They say you never dream about doing things that you would never do in real life? I say an emphatic "BULL SHIT!" They were that bad. Each dream is a little different....my methods of torture varied from dream to dream but the main character was always the same. I would wake up in a panicked cold sweat and it would take me several moments to realize that it was just a dream. It would take me awhile to calm down enough to fall back to sleep...but then the dream would always pick right back up where it had left off. They were always so real. And very vivid. I've never read horror stories. I don't do scary movies. Hell, I couldn't even watch Scooby Doo as a child. And the closest I've come to a scary book is the first four chapters of Patterson's Along Came A Spider. I read those four chapters three weeks ago and haven't been able to work up the nerve to go any further. Too dark for me. But maybe I could turn this dream into a horror novel?

Speaking of recurring dreams....I used to have another recurring dream back when I was a child. In this dream I walked through the front door of our house looking for my mother but had found the living room filled wall to wall, floor to sealing, with stacked washing machines and dryers. My mom, of course, was in the bathroom on the other side of the living room....and in order to get to her I had to climb through this maze of washers and dryers. Maybe I could turn this dream into a whimsical children's story about....?.....?......How to help out with the housekeeping??

I always have dreams about losing my children. Several nights ago I ~~dreamed~~ ~~dreamt~~ ~~dreamted~~ dreamed that my daughter and I were riding our Sea Doo...my daughter was riding behind me when I hit a big wave and she flew off the back side. I was sitting on the strap to her life jacket so she flew right out of it. I turned around to go back to get her but she never came back up to the top of the water. I panicked and....woke up. Never did find out if she survived. Another horror flick.

And then there's the dream I had of walking through a meadow full of daisies (my favorite flower)...all by myself....happy as a clam....when out of nowhere a big ugly snake popped up, hissed at me, wrap itself around my leg and sank it's two inch fangs into my thigh. Ironically enough, this dream occurred during the Aunt CB drama.

I think it's safe to say the only story these dreams will ever turn into is as a case study for a Psychiatrist's Digest magazine.

Guess I'll just stick to my day job....SAHM extraordinaire....

A Teenager And His Cell Phone

2009-11-14T19:29:00.000-08:00

My oldest child is about to turn 13.

That deserves repeating.

I am about to become the mother of a teenager.

THIRTEEN!! This is huge.

This child of mine is a blessing (as are all my kids...of course....but this post isn't about the other two). He is a self motivated, responsible, hard working, and confident child.

He has been trying hard to spread his wings and begging us to unclip the tips. We have kept a tight reign. We are tight reign kinda parents. I don't allow him to ride his bike to 7eleven to get Slurpee's....which, according to him, is allowed by all his friends' parents. I don't allow him to wander the woods near our home by himself. I've only recently started letting him take bike rides in our subdivision by himself but only if he has a walkie talkie with him so ~~I can contact him when I start to freak out~~ he can contact me if he gets hurt or ~~if some serial killer lures him to his car with the promise of a cell phone and then promises to chop him into little itty bitty pieces and feed him to his dog~~ if he needs help. Up until now I've always required there to be a definite destination (within our subdivision) followed immediately by a phone call upon his arrival to said destination. And the pièce de résistance....we have not allowed him to have a cell phone.

*GASP*

Are we too strict? Are the reigns pulled too tight?

Truth be told, I remember being a 9 or 10 years old (I know I wasn't older than 10 because we moved from that house when I was 10) and being sent...by bike....to Great Scot! (remember that place??)...which happened to be about 1/2 mile away and required crossing a major 4 lane road....to purchase a gallon of milk for my mom. My friend and I used to ride our bike there all the time. (*Reminding myself to tell you about the time I got caught shoplifting an entire bag of candy from the local Kmart with that same said friend....but that's a story for another day). I also remember being 13 or 14 years old and catching a city bus (by myself) to hitch a ride to my dance classes several times each week. The bus transported me about 6 miles and then dumped me off on a major highway road from which point I then walked another 1/2 mile to the dance studio that was my destination. My mom worked....so if I wanted to get to my dance classes on time after school this was my only option. I was even allowed to catch the city bus with my friends to spend weekend afternoons at the mall. The mall was 8 miles from my home.

But times have changed. (The fact that those words just rolled off my finger tips makes me feel really old!)

But it's true.

Times have changed. And he's my first child. It's to be expected.

But he's about to turn THIRTEEN! A TEENAGER!

And he is such a good kid. I mean....If you forget about the eye rolling and adolescent "tude" that has begun to emerge. He truly is every parent's dream child. He never has to be asked to do his homework. His school work comes easy to him. He always gives 110% of himself in everything he does. He is very confident and makes friends easily so I don't have to worry about him being bullied at school. And he is responsible. Well....as responsible as a thirteen y/o can be anyway.

He has been begging us for the past year for a cell phone. My answer is always the same. A resounding "NO"! What can you possibly need a cell phone for. You're in school all day. You're not allowed to have a phone in school. And then at gymnastics practice 20 hours each week. The friends he spends most of his "off" time with live within our subdivision. And....well....we have a phone! What would you need a cell phone for??

And all of that remains true. He truly has no need for a cell phone. But after long hours of discussion with hubby we have decided to relent. We have purchased our son a cell phone for his thirteenth birthday. If for no other reason than to acknowledge that he is now a teenage. And this is a major milestone. And to show our son that we are reluctantly trying to loosen the reigns (just an inch) because we trust him and, more importantly, he has never given us a reason to not trust him.

This cell phone comes with a long list of rules and stipulations...and he will be paying for a portion of his monthly bill in the form of added household responsibilities and chores....but we are still parental Gods in his eyes. At least for this one night. I'm sure he'll be back to rolling his eyes at our stupidity and cluelessness by tomorrow morning.

And here are the photos from our evening. We celebrated his birthday with a family dinner at a restaurant of his choice 5 days early because Papa Smurf will be away on a business trip on his actual birthday. He chose Kona Grill because he wanted sushi. My thirteen y/o ordered sushi and a rack of lamb! I kid you not!

All he asked for (besides the cell phone which as far as he knew was NOT going to happen) was a sling shot. To be used on our property up north. And here was his reaction to the $12.00 sling shot! Priceless!

He didn't realize there was another gift until Smurfette handed it to him.

Dude...have you lost your mind!!! THIS IS A CELL PHONE!!!! WEEEEEEEE!!!!

His reaction was truly priceless. He had no idea. Little does he know the phone came free with a new contract! =)

And now we enter a new phase of parenthood. God? Give me strength...

Friday Fragments

2009-11-13T07:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome, to another addition of Friday Fragments...hosted by the fabulous Mrs. 4444 @ Half-Past Kissin' Time.

*Smurfette: "mommy, can boys have babies?"
Me: "No, honey, boys can't have babies."
Smurfette: "I know, mommy, I was only testing you."
*Dear baby girl, please stop testing me. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to continue passing your tests. When the whole "how do mommy's get pregnant?" question pops up? I'm totally cheating off Great Grandma's test and telling you "they swallow water melon seeds".

*Me: *singing to some tunes while cleaning my house*
Dreamy: MOM! PLEASE! 1st I had to go for an MRI this morning and now THIS??!! REALLY??!! How much can a kid take??!! *snicker*

*"Tiny long saggy boobies" and "little boobies nipples pictures" ...these are 2 recent google searches that landed someone to my blog. Seriously.

And so is this....word for word...copied and pasted....
"So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad And I’m still trying to figure out how that could be." ...I hope she wasn't looking at my blog for the answer!

*Had a fantastic morning with my kids at their school for "pancakes with parents". Only, they didn't want to sit with me. I tried to explain to them the meaning of "with parents"....but their buddies are more fun to sit with. Gonna have to work on that. I think I embarrassed them when I started belting out Josh Groban tunes. *no, of course I didn't.....YET!* =)

*Aunt CB update. There's nothing to update. =) I discovered that you can completely block (not just "de-friend) someone from your FB account. So she and her family have been completely blocked from my FB account (and my mom's) so that I can no longer read her comments (nor can she read ours) on our mutual friends' posts and she can no longer send me messages. All is right with my world again.

*I haven't even started Christmas shopping. There once was a time when I would have been completely finished by the end of October. *try not to gag*. I would get it all done in one long girls weekend shopping excursion. Now it's just a chore. I'll probably be one of those people at the store at midnight on Christmas Eve. I'm dreading it this year. I don't know why. I'm thinking about doing all my shopping on line this year. But then I can't bargain hunt for the sales. So....any suggestions? I like Amazon.com...but does anyone know of any great bargain shopping sites?

*Dreamy update - MRI was done Monday. Couldn't get in to see the doc for a follow up appointment to discuss the result of the test until NEXT Friday! ACK! But the good news is....he thinks it's getting better. He actually participated in gym yesterday and did a little running and jumping and woke up extremely sore just from that little bit of activity. He has lost all muscle tone in these 4 months of slothful living. And I'm praying this won't lead to yet another injury when he returns to gymnastics.

*We had Hefty's conferences last night and I'm enormously proud of him. Every one of his teachers had nothing but wonderful things to say about him. My personal favorites..."he's very hard working" and "he's very polite". Makes the recently discovered "eye rolling" seem a little less infuriating. =)

*I watched Hitch last night for the 374th time. And I laughed just as hard this time as I did the 1st time. Love that movie.

"Right. Well, see, I'm more of a literal kind of guy. So when I do this...
*twists his arm and slams him on the table* This is more like me saying that
I will literally break your shit off if you ever touch me again. mkay punkin?"

I really want to be able to use that line on someone in real life. Wouldn't that be "bad ass"?

*I steam cleaned all my carpets yesterday. The great room and 3 bedrooms. 2 hours after they dried? My dog shit on it. Why. do. I. bother?

I am not that mom.

2009-11-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

We have been fighting the cooties in my house for the past 2 weeks. My daughter started 2 weeks ago with 3 days of fever. I sent her back to school fever free. 3 days later my son got it. After an entire day of trying to get his fever below 104.7.....to no avail after 2 doses of Motrin, 2 doses of Tylenol, and a cool bath....we made a trip to urgent care where he tested positive for Type A influenza. Tamilflu to the rescue. 2 days later my daughter got it....again! I made a call to my wonderful ER doc neighbor who called in another prescription for Tamiflu to the pharmacy...saving me another trip to the urgent care. In the mean time...my oldest son came down with an entirely different virus....no fever...but in it's stead a nasty upper respiratory and intestinal funk. And I wasn't feeling so hot myself. So, in dealing with all that funk....I was stuck in my home with various sick children for nearly 10 days straight.

I tell you that to tell you this....

I thought yesterday was Monday.

Yesterday was our first day in nearly 2 weeks where everyone was back to school and I was feeling myself. I had big plans for myself as I happily shoved all 3 kids out the door to catch the bus. With my to-do list humming through my head I got in my shower and sang happy tunes.

1st item to be tackled was to take the puppy to the vet for her bordetella vaccine....we're leaving for vacation (if visiting and staying with your FIL in Texas for the week of Thanksgiving can be considered a vacation....don't be jealous) soon and dogs can't stay in the doggie hotel without proof of updated vaccinations. On the way to the vet I get a phone call from Dreamy's sports medicine doc. He had his MRI on Monday morning and a follow up appointment to review the results was necessary.

Receptionist: "we had a cancellation for tomorrow Wednesday morning at 10am. Would that work for you?"

pause......

more silence.....

Me: "Tomorrow? Wednesday? Wait a minute......what day is today?"

Receptionist: "Ummm....today is Tuesday mam."

AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

It was at that point (sitting in my car in the veterinarian parking lot) that I completely freaked out and told her I'd have to call her back as I had just realized that it was not Monday....but TUESDAY! And I was suppose to be in my daughter's classroom at that very moment helping out. And this is the SECOND time I've done this. I was.... for the 2nd time....a no call no show.

I. am. a. schmuck!

I totally thought it was Monday. It felt like a Monday.

So....

I run into the vet's office and tell them I'm in a rush....they whip out the vaccination in 5 minutes flat. But, of course, puppy wouldn't cooperate....she wiggled and 1/2 the vaccine ended up dripping off her soft coat of fur. Take 2: 25 minutes later veterinarian has successfully administered the vaccine and I am rushing back to my car.

Puppy is in the passenger seat. I live less than 1.5 miles from the vet. But puppy gets violently car sick every time she is in the car and chooses to vomit all over herself and my seat as I'm turning down our street. I run into house, throw puppy in crate, grab a towel and disinfectant wipes, and clean the seat as best I could. I throw the towel on the floor of the garage, jump back in my car and rush to the school.

It is now 10:30. I was suppose to be at the school at 8:30. The teacher relies on parents to help the students with their "stations" so she can pull the reading groups aside and work with them. I walk into the room and find that teacher has decided in my absence to skip reading group.

So, let's recap.....

because of me, little Suzie and little Johny who speak very little English to begin with, whose parents don't speak English at ALL, and who can only recognize 1/2 the alphabet, and can only count to 30....did I mention this is FIRST grade?....will be missing their daily reading session. Nice. I beg for forgiveness and teacher is very very understanding. If not sympathetic.... In a "OMG who decided this woman was capable of being a parent cuz clearly she is in way over her head" sort of way.

An hour later: kids leave for lunch and recess and I decide to try to knock a few things off my to do list.

Birthday present for Hefty: check...this took way longer than it should have as I ended up spending an hour in Best Buy...but it is done and I am confident that I have purchased the perfect gift for my soon to be a teenage son. =)

Groceries: We are all out of milk. Which, in my house? Is a catastrophe of epic proportions....melt downs ensue and panic becomes the general state of emotion when we are all out of milk. We go through nearly a gallon/day. We. need. milk.

So I go to Meijers. I load up on groceries, filling up on everyday staples and get side tracked by a bright sale sign hanging over a rack of tunic styled hooded smocky looking dresses. They were adorable. They looked comfy. And I was imagining how cute it would look with some smokey grey tights and my black knee high heeled boots. Did I mention they were on sale? But I don't have time to try one on. So a grab a small....it looks like it will fit. I head to the check out. The cute dress I picked out? Was probably the one and only dress hanging on the rack that had no tag. I don't have time for this. Too much to do. So I sadly tell the cashier to forget it. I left without the dress. =(

I leave the grocery store, and 3 miles from my home realize I forgot the one thing I HAD to get. Milk. Yes, I went to the store for milk....bought $120 dollars worth of groceries....but forgot the frigg'n milk. Made a quick left and ran into Walmart for the milk.

I get home and now have no time to whip up a dinner so I make some sandwiches, clean some grapes and fresh mixed veggies, throw them in a bag and ~~set the dinner table~~ load up the van before driving to the bus stop so the kids can eat their dinner in the car on the way to their gymnastics and dance classes.

On the way to gymnastics I discover that Jordyn has homework to complete from her days of absence. No problem. She has 2 dance classes but an hour break in between. She can complete her homework during that hour. Except she doesn't have the pencil, glue, scizzors, and crayons that she needs to complete them. We make a pit stop to the corner drug store to pick up necessary items.

Fast forward to this morning. I had high hopes of making it to the gym. To try once again to get on a work out schedule. I rely on my Kindle to get me through a treadmill run. But my Kindle battery is dead. And I can't find my charger. No problem. I'll just grab my ipod and run to some tunes instead. But I can't find my ipod. Where the f*ck is my ipod. I cannot run without my Kindle or ipod. And decide to wait and start my workouts tomorrow.

And so I sit here...at my computer....frustrated, disorganized, and feeling like I could really use an intervention of sorts.

I have a pretty calendar. It's stuck to the side of my frig. I diligently update it with our many things to do. I also have a pad for grocery lists. Those items do no good if you forget to look at them daily. I've purchased a book planner..... a month later I purchased an electronic planner.... 2 months later I purchased the itouch. All in an effort to improve my organizational skills. I even joined FlyLady hoping she could help me in my tidy housekeeping efforts.

I still suck.

Hello, my name is Mama Smurf, and I am a scatter brain and I suck.

I long to be the mom that has her shit together. The mom that drops her kids off at the bus stop freshly showered and stylishly dressed. The mom that works out regularly. The mom that cooks 4 course meals filled with nutrition daily. Even it is eat'n in the car. I long to be the mom who's laundry is always caught up, and sink is always sparkling, and who's kitchen valences are clean from the inch of dust and cob webs.

I am not that mom.

Fuzzy Bunny Slippers -vs- Semi-Automatic

2009-11-09T07:38:00.000-08:00

I now bring to you some more comic relief...in the form of another family sponsored boxing round. Because I'm fresh out of any good blog material...and I'm all about helping ya'll feel better about yourselves and your own families....and this really WILL make you laugh. And whether you're laughing with me or at me really makes no difference to me what-so-ever....

Drum roll please....

*insert Rocky theme music*

Ladies and gentlemen....welcome to the Smurfland theater live...this is the event of the week...scheduled for 3 rounds of competition. Let's get ready to ruuummmbbblllllllle.....

In the blue print...standing 4' 11.5"....wearing her plaid flannel jammies and fuzzy bunny slippers...she's the real deal....she's 60 years old from "burb" town USA....Dairy Queen cake decorating extraordinaire....Grandmaaaaaa Smurrrrrf.

And in the red print...standing...???....well, she's prolly sitting....but she has a venomous mouth that can make a grown woman weep...58-ish y/o woman known for her fowl tempered manipulative ways and upper cut jabs to the kidneys, wearing her fanged teeth, devil's horns, and semi-automatic.....introducing....Aunt Craaaaaazy Biiiiiiiitchhhh...

*ding-ding*

Round 1-

The family member I spoke of in yesterday's post....the one I spent Saturday evening with.... posted the following FB status update on Sunday morning:

"Woke up this morning with a pounding headache and a full heart ;-) Had a fantastic time last night getting to know a family member that I will now call my friend. FB family don't be afraid to take a risk, sometimes the rewards are truly worth it!"

"And sometimes unfortunately, taking those risks allows family members to rip your heart right from your chest and trample it into the ground. Glad you had a good time though!"

"Just who was it that did the trampling???? I'm confused????"

"If it were ANY of your business Grandma Smurf, you would know!"

"My apologies, B. This should not be rehashed on your post."

Followed by a private message to B:

I apologize, B. Your post is not the place to keep rehashing nonsense. I just get infuriated every time she plays the injured party here. Having "her heart ripped out and trampled on" -- give me a friggin break!!!!

Round 2-

All of a sudden you are Dr. Phil or what? My life, my comments on other peoples FB are none of your business or concern. Never were, never will be. Unlike some, if I have something to say, I say it to the person, NOT behind their backs. Guess we just operate differently there, huh?

Gee, I'm confused -- I thought when you wrote on FB those comments were open to everyone reading and sending on the persons post. Why you thought it necessary to rehash this AGAIN on B's post, I don't know, but then be prepared for people to comment back on it, or SHUT UP!!!! And you are right, I DO know everything that happened -- you see I was on facebook at the time, and saw all the cruel comments being posted as you were writing them. Then, when people defend themselves, they are disrespectful! Be for real! Oh, and by the way, where did your comments go????? They disappeared -- miraculously!!! And you don't talk behind peoples backs???? Funny, I heard differently.

Round 3 -

Kiss my ass you pompous bitch. You have always thought you were better...you ARE NOT! You are a nosy, shit stirring bitch. You may have fooled some of the family but not me. I know first hand what a two-faced wench you are and always have been. Have fun with this one. Funny, cos Tammy's nasty posts all disappeared off mine too...however, I copied and pasted them for proof of what the little tramp had to say. And don't tell me to SHUT UP, you moron. Maybe you should have talked to your daughter like that when she was growing up and she wouldn't be such a bitch now. But then, the apple didn't fall far from the tree when she came along did it! Just like you she is

Your language speaks for itself. (Make sure you copy and paste that one as well). Funny, Tammy did the same thing, because otherwise people wouldn't believe the hateful things you wrote. She has it all cut and pasted too. I'll ask her to add your last words of love to it also. I can see why she felt the need to defend herself against you, because you come out with a vengeance and are so mean-spirited. I won't waste any more of my time responding to any notes, so please don't send them, as I am done!!!

Can you feel the love???

The judges are still deliberating on the winner of this heated battle.....

On the one hand Aunt CB earns extra points for using the terms wench, moron, tramp, and bitch in 4 consecutive sentences. The verbal equivalent to a below the belt jab, a kidney punch, and a bite of Grandma Smurf's right ear.....That's talent.

But....Grandma smurf has a mean "SHUT UP!" .....The verbal equivalent to a bob and weave....but often mistaken for a good old fashioned toe stomp'n....but when you're wearing fuzzy bunny slippers it just doesn't have the same painful impact. But, if you ask me, the fuzzy bunny slippers alone should earn her extra points.

*edited to add: And I've just had an epiphany....an "AH-HA!" moment of sorts. I've been fighting her all along and trying to defend myself against her main argument....that I think I'm better than her....and you know what? I am. We are. My mom and I are better than she is. She's right. I am better than you Auntie. Won't be denying that one any longer. =)

Confusius say....

2009-11-08T08:47:00.000-08:00

I consider myself a very spiritual person....but not a religious one. I don't believe I'm going to Hell for not being a regular church goer. My family and I go when we can....when we remember to go. Not out of guilt but because ever since finding our new church....we enjoy going. I don't feel guilty when we miss a service....or several services....or several months of services. I believe God and I have a very special relationship. He "gets" me and has always provided for me. I am a VERY firm believer in the ole' cliches "everything happens for a reason"....and "where one door closes...another door opens". That belief is what gets me through even the toughest of circumstances. Those events and circumstances are all part of His master plan. I believe that we may go our entire life without realizing or understanding those reasons....but the reasons exist none-the-less.

But, every now and then, the reasons reveal themselves and become crystal clear almost immediately.

The reason for last week's family drama became crystal clear last night.

A door closed on my relationship with Aunt CB and CBII....sad, but true....but in it's stead another door has been opened for a relationship with another family member. A family member that I've never been particularly close with for no particular reason. Well, I have my theories on some possible reasons....but that's all they are. Theories. I don't believe the door to that relationship would have opened if the family drama of last week hadn't taken place.

This family member contacted me. Out of the blue. And said, quite simply, "lets go out". I am very grateful that she took the initiative. Because I never would have. Not because I didn't want to but because I've always assumed she felt the same as Aunt CB and CBII. I was a coward. I assumed things that I shouldn't have. Which probably gave her all the more reason to believe her assumptions about me were true. Assuming she had assumptions. =)

I'm more than a little embarrassed and ashamed to admit that my immediate reaction to her asking me to go out was...."why". No, I didn't say that.....but that's what I was thinking. I assumed there had to be an ulterior motive. Like I said in Friday's post I was forming all sorts of conspiracy theories in my head based on my assumptions.

Confused?

Yeah...me too. =)

I guess what I'm trying to say is this....if you fear relationships based on your assumptions? You're missing out on learning the truth. And really? What's the worst that can happen? You could learn that your assumptions were true. So what? You already assumed they were true to begin with. So, if you do learn they're true? You close that door and move on. But if you're brave enough to set your pride and ego aside for just a moment? You could learn you were wrong?

Or, maybe that person did have assumptions. And maybe this is your opportunity to prove those assumptions wrong.

And then you've got yourself a lovely new relationship.

It really is a win-win situation.

Moral of the story? Learn the truth about your assumptions. Don't sit back and assume they are the truth.

Today's post brought to you by Dalai Lama and Confucius.

=)

Friday Fragments

2009-11-06T11:45:00.000-08:00

*Editing this post and changing this title to join in on Friday Fragments hosted by Half-Past Kissin' Time. Looked like fun!

*I miss our new home. My husband is travelling up I-75 as I type this on his way to our new home to meet with the alarm company. And I just want to kick him in the shin for it. Because, in case you've missed the previous 4 posts....I'm mature like that *rolling my eyes*.

*Speaking of *rolling my eyes*....karma is coming back to bite me in the ass....as my (almost) 13 yr old has now started doing this. Is there anything more infuriating?

*Charlotte King from Private Practice is my hero.

*Taking Dreamy ~~to see how long he can stand being submerged in a 24 inch wide tunnel while holding perfectly still without having a claustrophobic meltdown~~ for an MRI of his hip this afternoon. He's been nursing a gymnastics related hip injury for the past 3 months and it's not healing. Xray shows nothing because the suspected injury involves cartilage. In the meantime he hasn't participated in gymnastics or any gym or recess activities since school started and it's really taking a toll on him (and his mother) emotionally. It's looking, as of now, like he won't be able to compete this year. Which is really bumming him out. And I'm pretty upset too because ~~whether he competes or not and whether he is at practice or not (while he's healing) I still have to pay the full monthly tuition fee~~ ~~I've already spent $250 on his uniform~~ ~~I've already paid the $600 on the annual booster club dues~~ it's hard to see him so sad and in so much pain.

*Our basement has developed a mysterious mildew smell over the past couple weeks. ~~My husband~~ We steam cleaned the carpets and scrubbed every square inch down there but still couldn't find the source of the smell. Until yesterday. The good news is: the source of the smell has been discovered. The bad news is: home made Play-Doe does not have a 2 year shelf life. Who knew? *throwing my arms up in a dramatic display of wonder*.

*Did ya'll know you can bake brussel sprouts? I totally just learned this this past week. Brussel sprouts are my favorite veggie. Don't judge me. Roll them in olive oil and a little salt and bake at 350* for 1/2 hour. They get a little crispy brown on the outside and tender on the inside. Yummy.

*I went to bed last night with a raging headache. Why? Because I only drank 2 diet cokes yesterday.....as opposed to the 12 pack I usually drink. Diet Coke is my crack cocaine. I need help.

*Hubby and I sleep in a queen size bed. We're not big people. Until recently, this has been the perfect size for us. Hubby is becoming more and more of a bed hog and restless sleeper. Last night I was elbowed in the face after 4 hours of tossing and turning because of my caffeine withdrawal headache. He cracked me square in the cheek bone. I was not happy. So I picked up his arm and threw it across the bed to his side. He still didn't wake up...which only infuriated me more. I can totally see us being that old couple that sleeps in separate bedrooms.

*And while I lay in bed awake? I was watching "Good Times" reruns. It was DY-NO-MITE!!!! Don't judge me.

*The crazy bitches have turned me into a paranoid freak. In the past 2 days I have been contacted by 2 different family members requesting to see me. One is coming over on Monday because she wants to talk to me to "make her amends". I'm still trying to figure out what that means. I'm envisioning a Tammy bashing intervention session. The other wants to meet for drinks/dinner on Saturday. If they had asked at any other time I would be thrilled. I'm always in for a girls night out pow-wow...and with family? Even better! But because Both of these family members speak to the crazy bitches on a regular basis I'm now starting to formulate conspiracy theories in my head. Which is just sad. I'm envisioning a) I enter the restaurant only to find a table full of crazy bitches waiting to pounce on me....or b) I exit the restaurant only to find 4 slashed tires. Which...when you consider I drive a minivan? Is just funny....cuz seriously....who slashes the tires on a mini van??

*How can you call it an "updated editor" if it doesn't even have spell check. Dude, where's the spell check!!??

*Edited to add: MRI has been rescheduled for Monday morning....as Dreamy woke up with 103.5* fever. The fun never ends in Smurfland.

Part 4: The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

2009-11-05T05:36:00.000-08:00

If you've just tuned in to my charming story of family drama you may want to start at the beginning with:

Part 1: The Prologue and
Part 2: Oh No You Di'int
Part 3: Has Anyone Seen My Pooper Scooper?

.... as this is a continuation from those posts.

So, now I'm done trying to rationalize with Aunt CB because, clearly, Aunt CB is irrational and now we're just going around in circles. So, my next line of defense? Sarcasm. It's what I do best. And so I stopped caring about saving feelings because....well....because....(*insert a whining self righteous child's voice*) WELL SHE STARTED IT!

And so I posted on my FB wall a series of sarcastic posts directly in response to the above emails she sent me. I would like to add that she (and her daughter...who I will from here on out refer to as crazy bitch the second....AKA CBII) and my mom are, at this point, the only people that understand where the sarcasm was coming from. At least I THINK that's true. For all I know maybe the entire family was rallied in on this.

Dear High Falootin (yes that's a word....cuz I say so) facebook friends, I have officially decided that you will forever be affectionately referred to as my "BURB peeps". Cuz that sounds way cooler than "facebook friends".

And then....

I'm trying to decide....for hot date night with hubby and friends....should I shoot for the classy and sophisticated "BURB" look? Or the "mouthy little girl" look? Decisions...decision....Kay...I think I'm done now....maybe...

Well, CBII didn't like that so much. She commented with (her comments and messages will now be in green):

You should be and maybe you should just move on and remember that people who care about the person your making fun of can read this too?"

followed immediately by a private message from Aunt CB:

you better watch yourself Tammy. You are starting to piss off an awful lot of ppl..little Diva..you have no class at all

Well now....I'm still trying to figure out if that was another threat?

Get help, Aunt CB.

Go to hell, Tammy.

I then sent CBII the following private message:

So, just to clarify....because apparently I've gotten the rules of this war your mother started all wrong.....We're back to being concerned about feelings?

CBII, your mother has been sending me the most ridiculously hateful and nasty messages for the past 2 days. Completely out of no-where. I did NOT deserve it. Am I suppose to just roll over and &^%$#@#$% (I've substituted the previous statement with &^%$##$% because of inappropriate content) without a word? Really? Would you? Put yourself in my shoes for just a minute and tell me how I should react....because I'm obviously doing it all wrong.

And then, while your at it....tell me how I should react to the latest message....

"you better watch yourself Tammy. You are starting to piss off an awful lot of ppl..little Diva..you have no class at all"

Your mother needs help. I understand she's your mother and you're going to stick up for her and I've hurt your feelings with my post...I'm sorry, but I just don't know how to react appropriately to such hateful spiteful words from my AUNT! I'm pretty certain you'd feel the same way if one of your family members did the same to you.

Now I fully recognize how ridiculously out of control and childish this has all spun. But, like I said from the beginning....I have issues with "letting things go"....I do not deny this....I wish I had the grace and poise to let all this roll off my back...but I don't. Putting a stop to all this nonsense was WAY beyond my capabilities at this point.

So Cousin CBII responded:

I'm not getting involved in this stupid shit Tammy! (REALLY? Cuz it kinda looked like you did when you started commenting on my posts) It looks like your having a great time with it though and I don't appreciate seeing you make fun of my mom! thats all i said to you and I said it after seeing more than 1 smart ass post from you about it. are you not mature or considerate enough to realize that I see it and just maybe it would bother me? (apparently not) and your innocent in all of this right? (YEP) you didn't email her hateful words right back? (NOPE) even after she said sorry? and then make fun of it over and over again? I don't care who's at fault i think this is all stupid and immature. (You're obviously WAY better than me...I bow in shame to your superiority) your, it may seem harsh to some but we want our kids to be raised with integrity blah blah blah post was directed right at my mom was it not? (NO IT WAS NOT....I thought we had already established that) It seems funny to me that i make 1 little comment to you about other peoples feelings and you send me a bitchy email like i did something wrong ! (Hypocrite!) you obviously don't give a shit about anyones feelings my mother needs help? my mother is dying asshole!

If I hadn't been beyond the point of defending myself... at this point I would have responded to her with "yes, I AM innocent....and NO my original message to her was NOT hateful...and NO my original comment about raising my kids with honesty was NOT directed at her...and NO my email to you was NOT bitchy, I was simply trying to DEFEND myself...and oh bytheway....the only hateful name calling that has taken place has been from YOU AND YOUR MOTHER! so NAH! *thumb on my nose...wiggling my fingers*!

But, I was beyond caring about trying to defend myself to these people. I had, in the past 48 hours, been called snippy and defensive, disrespectful, a big-shot, mouthy, disrespectful little girl....I was told that my "BURB" friends and I were unimpressive, I'm a diva, a smart ass, stupid, immature, inconsiderate, unfeeling, bitchy and unclassy....let's see....have I forgotten anything ...oh yeah....and I'm an ASSHOLE! How could I forget. Seriously.....anyone without a full deck of cards would have an identity crisis emerging after all that.

So, out came another smart ass status update...

Well...I WAS going to dress as a diva for Halloween tonight...but I've had a recent change of heart. I've decided to sew a giant butt.....with a crack in the middle and hole for my face in the center....cuz I've just been told I'm an asshole...and I've got a rep to uphold, yo! (Cousin CBII comment) Grow the hell up seriously (my comment back) OR...maybe I'll go as a baby....I'm thinking pacifier? diaper? bib? NOPE....I've GOT it! I'll go as a giant middle finger!! THAT? would be one kick ass costume!

wow Tammy you say sorry than you continue to post smart ass shit you really are something I hope you feel good about yourself i really do
PS: FUCK YOU TOO =)

Aww...come on cuz...why you gotta be like that??? *wipes tears*

And now my mom gets involved..."Tammy -- Don't play into her little game. People who were on facebook at the time and saw how this all started, know who started this and who is to blame. I saw it first hand, and don't blame you for being upset, because this was totally uncalled for. But don't feed into it anymore..... because you can see she thrives off it. LETS ALL HAVE A GOOD DAY, AND IF ANYBODY OUT THERE NEEDS HELP..... GO SEEK IT!!!!! AND SHUT UP!!!!!!! Sorry..... but I'm really starting to get pissed off."

I inherited my maturity from my mother...in case you wondered....I mean come on mom..."shut up"? "Shut the FUCK up" would have sounded WAY cooler. =)

Cousin CBII sent me this email: awww you got your mommy on your side now thats sweet...did you tell her YOU emailed ME and that you are trying to egg ME on???

I didn't respond....because telling her to KISS MY ASS would probably be counterproductive at this point and explaining to her that I wasn't "egging her on" in my email...I was simply asking a VERY valid question...would just go around in another circle....so what would've been the point?

and an hour later she sent another:

of course not...

And it was at this point that I decided to post this pathetically humiliating story on my blog.

So, to answer your question dear Cousin CBII...YES! My mom saw every single last disgusting word exchanged by every one of us. Please feel free to let me know if I've left anything out.

I have now become the woman that holds a grudge. Because I'm afraid I'll be holding onto this one with tight iron fists for a very long time.

I would love to be able to say that none of this bothers me. That I'm not hurt by all this. But I kinda feel like I'm grieving the loss of another family member. Because there will be no mending this relationship. My husband and I have decided to cancel the annual Christmas celebration we host for that side of the family. Mainly because I don't want to add any more fuel to her hatred for me....because, if I host it....she and her family will not be welcome. Which would keep her from her family over the holidays...and, of course, that would then be my fault.

A Hater by Maya Angelou

Part 3: Has Anyone Seen My Pooper Scooper?

2009-11-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

If you've just tuned in to my charming story of family drama you may want to start at the beginning with:
Part 1: The Prologue and
Part 2: Oh No You Di'int
..... as this is a continuation from those posts.

So where was I....

Oh yeah....

Well, now I'm pissed....because she's just creating stories now. my heart rate is pumping and I'm shaking from anger but still prepared to forgive. I won't forget it but I can forgive and move on. She is still family. So before going to bed I sent her the following message:

#1 You apologize for the hateful words in one sentence and 5 minutes later speak more nonsense.

#2 I think you've created conspiracy theories in your brain regarding being "deleted" from anyone's life...when in my eyes I feel I've been bending over backwards my entire life to reconnect with you and yours. If you feel isolated? You have no-one to blame but yourself. You're certainly not going to pin that one on me. I have never been anything but kind and loving and welcoming to you.

#3 I can't remember a time in my adult life when I've had someone say such mean things to me. At least to my face. And if you're saying that shit to my face? I can only imagine what's being said behind my back. And whomever said "words don't hurt" has never been smacked in the face with them by a family member. When someone verbally abuses me? I do not stick around for more. Sorry, that's how I roll. Hence, the de-friending. It's painful for me to see such hateful words spoken about me....especially from family....I'll be damned if I'm gonna sit around waiting to see what's going to be next.

#4 I have NEVER judged or condemned you for your struggles. I have never criticized you or thought less of you for your lack of money. Can you say the same? Because, just so you know, it's just as painful for me to hear my aunt judge and condemn me for being financially comfortable as I'd imagine it would be for you to hear me speak hatefully towards you for your struggles. You don't want anyone judging or condemning you? Well neither do I.

#5 I feel like I've spent my entire life bending over backwards trying to prove myself to this family. And I'm tired. I'm done. I don't know what I've done to deserve this and at this point I just don't give a shit anymore. I. am. spent.

#6 I am very sorry you're sick. I am very sorry you feel like shit. I am very sorry that you feel so little about the value of your life. But using that as an excuse to beat the people up around you...people who LOVE you.... is a cop out.

#7 Money does NOT buy happiness. Happiness is a choice. I have chosen to be happy and I feel like you judge me for that choice. YOU can choose to be happy...which is much harder and takes much more effort and courage than just isolating yourself. Your family loves you and wants to see you happy. But if you throw shit at me...you're gonna get shit back in the face.

I accept your apology and in my mind this is over and forgotten. I do wish I knew where all this came from but I'm not going to ask. I'll chalk it up to a bad week....we all have them....and move on. I am going to re-request your facebook "friendship"...you can accept it or ignore it...your call.

Either way? I love you. You are family and I wish you nothing but happiness.

But don't shit on me again....mkay?

Now, I don't feel that message was mean spirited or hateful. I feel I was simply defending myself....with maybe just a touch of "you're-not-going-to-walk-all-over-me-bitchiness".

She didn't see it that way....

All I can say is WOW...never have I been talked to so disrespectfully by one of the neices or nephews~ or anyone for that matter. Hope it made you feel better to get all that off your mind!!!

Well....

You call it disrespect? I call it sticking up for myself. AKA...wiping the shit off my face. Take care.

And the gloves come off....

You really think you are something don't ya Tammy? You are wiping the shit off your face that flew back from what you threw to start with. Live with it now!!! (interrupting this message to add....I'm rubber you're glue....kay...just had to get that off my chest) Hope it makes you happy to be the big shot who can be mouthy in an email. You're damn lucky we're not face to face right now! (dude...really? We've now stooped to threats? Nice) You may impress all your fellow burb friends (burb friends? Is this a new slang term for those of us that live productive lives?...I'm not familiar with this one) ...I AM NOT IMPRESSED by the fact that you have got to be one of the most disrespectful little girls I have ever met. Would you have said the same to Aunt A, or Aunt M...hell no cos you have a rep to keep up...like I said, NOT IMPRESSED.

You're absolutely right. I wouldn't speak to them that way...cuz they've never treated me so hatefully. Like I said...take care.

So, now I'm done.

At this point all hope of repairing any damage done is way beyond impossible.

Stay tuned, Part 4 coming soon.

Part 2: Oh No You Di'int

2009-11-03T04:54:00.000-08:00

If you've just tuned in to my charming story of family drama you may want to start at the beginning with:
Part 1: The Prologue
...as this is a continuation from that post.

The rest of this story will be color coded. From here on out Aunt CB comments and messages will be in red and my comments and responses in blue. And added narration and unspoken/unwritten words/thoughts will be in black.

I posted the following status update on my FB wall:

My daughter made poor choices and must now face the consequences. So why am I the one feeling so guilty. I'm feel'n like a major schmuck for not letting her go to a birthday party tonight. =(

So, Aunt CB read my status update and felt a need to comment about our parenting decision.....

"Bit harsh for cutting a dolls hair, isn't it?"
"Yeah. It is. But that's not why she's grounded."
"Oh sorry....my bad!"

I then received several more supportive comments from various FB friends telling me that I was doing the right thing. So I posted the following comment:

"I appreciate the support guys. I don't doubt our decision....but that doesn't make it any easier. Maybe it seems harsh to some....but raising our kids with trust, honesty, and integrity is very important to Dan & I."

Now, that comment was in NO way meant as a derogatory slam comment to Aunt CB. After the events that followed, however, I can see how my use of the word "harsh" may have lead her to believe otherwise. In all honesty my OWN MOTHER had called to tell me that she felt I was being too harsh on her granddaughter and that she felt I should allow her to go to the birthday party. So that comment was not directed at Aunt CB....or my mom for that matter....it was simply my own way of trying to justify our parenting decisions out loud. But that's the problem with FB messages... and email...tones of a message cannot be heard through the written words. Facial expressions cannot be seen. So the written word can easily be misinterpreted. My tone in this message was not intended to be one of biting sarcasm....but rather one of parental resignation.

But Aunt CB didn't see it that way. As evidenced by the following comment that she posted:

"I think raising children with trust, honesty and integrity is important to MOST parents, Tammy. Sorry I said anything at all now. Gonna just shut up so as not to make ppl so damn defensive."

Followed immediately by her own updated status on HER wall that (and I can't copy and paste the exact words of her update because we are no longer "FB friends") said...and I'm going by memory here...but something to the effect of ....I'm so sick of snippy and defensive relatives who think they're better than everyone else just because they have money. They are no better than anyone else! There was more to it than that...it was longer than that....it was snippier and more hateful than that...but since I'm paraphrasing here I'm not even going to attempt it.

OUCH!

Now, I know I've said that the tone of a written message can easily be misunderstood....but I really don't think there's any chance of confusing the tone of that particular message.

So? I de-friended her on facebook...because who's gonna stick around for more of that garbage?....and sent her the following message:

Wow...I never realized how deep your hatred for me must run. To make such an impulsive and mean comment to me was completely uncalled for. The fact that "money" even came into this equation ....cuz where the hell did that come from....proves to me that this goes WAY beyond any comments from today. I've never thought or said I felt I was better than anyone. And if you think that? Then that is YOUR issue. Not mine. I'm truly sorry you feel that way....but it couldn't be further from the truth. The problem with facebook is....the tone of a comment is hard to read through written words....my comment about wanting to raise honesty in my kids was NOT directed at you or meant to be defensive in any way shape or form. I was simply trying to justify my parenting. Out loud. Why you would even think that it was directed at you is absolutely beyond me. But your nasty comment back was totally not called for.

And she responded with this:

I far from "hate" you Tammy. You're right, my nasty comment back was totally uncalled for and I apologize for that. Just having a really, really bad week. Treatments are getting more grueling by the week and I am getting weaker and sicker by the day. I took it out on you and for that I am truly sorry, Tammy. Please don't hate me, and please don't for a minute think I hate you. I wish I would have been a better aunt to all of you and a better mom to my kids. I wish I could just end it all without it affecting my kids....I would be so fucking out of here and then I wouldn't keep hurting people's feelings. Again, I'm sorry Tammy and I do love you.

At this point I had to leave for the evening extracurricular shuffle with the kids. I was gone for the next 5 hours. I was thinking during that time that I would return home and make peace. Call a truce. Let by-gones be by-gones. She is family. She is having a bad week. She is sick. She is sounding depressed and borderline suicidal. And this sounds a little like a cry for help. And I'm typically not one to hold a grudge. It was during this 5 hours of my facebook absense that she had realized that I had de-friended her. And I returned home that evening to find this message from her:

Why am I NOT surprised that is was just easier for you to delete me off FB. Kind like ya'all did in real life, huh? I still love you though, deleted or otherwise

Well, now I'm pissed....

Stay tuned, Part 3 coming soon. And be warned...if you'd like to continue reading this series without feeling physically ill? You'll have to, at this point, lower your age and IQ by several notches because you're about to be transported back to 7th grade.

Part 1: The Prologue

2009-11-02T07:17:00.000-08:00

And the 1st in a serious of posts where I expose how crazy and dysfunctional my family is.

I debated on posting this for several reasons.

#1) I felt a little funny about exposing my family members' mental illness. But since I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist and clearly have no credentials that deem me qualified to diagnose the level of someone's craziness....I've decided that I'm not exposing their mental illness....just their cruelty and hatefulness.

#2) I'm embarrassed by my own behavior.... my own response to this woman's cruelty. I tried to be the bigger person but clearly I have issues with "letting things go". I'm not proud of that.

#3) I was worried that family members may read this. But I've reached the "fuck it" stage of anger and just don't care. And besides....there are only 2 family members (that I'm aware of) that have ever read this blog. One of which is my mother....and she already knows all that I'm about to post. And is totally on my side. She's my mom....she has to be. And the other? Well...I guess I'll have to deal with that if/when the time comes. And the rest of the people reading this don't know any of the parties involved so what do I care if they see my or my family's dysfunction? If I were smart....if I were rational....I'd give it a few days to let my anger cool before I hit publish. But I won't. I think there's a small part of me that HOPES they find this. Because I have since stopped responding to their hateful messages and this would be my last word....in a passive aggressive sort of way. Hey...we all have our issues.....at least I admit mine.

Why do I want to tell this story? Self defense. From here on out when a family member asks me what happened? I'll direct them to this post....so I don't have to re-explain everything over and over again when half the family is missing at the annual Christmas celebration. Trying to remember the sequence of events to paste this story together in a blog post has been very time consuming....and I really don't want to have to revisit this story or try verbally pasting it together again. I'm cleansing my sole. =)

Before I tell the story I have to set it up with a little background knowledge.

My father passed away when I was 5. My father was one of 8 kids. 3 of those 8 have passed away. That leaves me with 3 aunts and 2 uncles on that side of the family. After my dad's passing my family slowly lost contact with many members of that side of the family. I have several theories on the reason for this. One of which, not the least of which, is that my mom was a single full time working parent to 2 small kids. I imagine that it would be difficult and rather time consuming to maintain a relationship with all 7 siblings of your deceased husband's family. Just a guess. But she did the best she could and although contact with most of them was minimal we still made an effort on holidays and such.

Now I'm an adult. And in the early years of my adulthood I longed for a relationship with that side of the family. I longed for a connection to my deceased father's family. It doesn't require a psych degree to analyze the reasons for that.

And we now live in the era of booming electronic communication. And facebook. Gotta love that facebook. So in the past several years I've slowly regained contact with many of those family members that I had lost touch with. And I was happy about that.

One of my aunts on that side....we'll call her ~~the crazy bitch~~ Aunt CB....has had a rough life. A hard life. She made many poor choices early in life and is now paying for those choices with economic hardship and health problems that she has been and will continue to be receiving treatments for for a very long time. She has labeled herself as the "black sheep" in the family. Those are HER words NOT mine....as she has on more than one occasion told me that's how she feels. She has earned a reputation in the family as being ~~a bitch~~ difficult, opinionated, hot headed, and manipulative.

But she had never done anything to me personally so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I've seen her in action. I've seen the nasty spiteful way she speaks of and to other family members and have heard many stories of her hatefulness. But I continued to try to reconnect with her by inviting her every year to the annual Christmas party I host for that side of the family....trying my best to bridge the ever-expanding gap between her and the rest of the family....and myself. Her and one of her daughters (my cousin) had, in the past year, befriended me on facebook.

Brilliant.

Now, I had no delusions that this relationship would turn into anything more than the love of a family member. We would never be best buds or hang out or call each other on a Friday night. We have very little in common. And it seems that 90% of the conversations we've ever had has revolved around me listening to her complain about someone or something. But we are family. And I loved her as family and looked past....and never treated her any different because of....our differences.
It all started with a simple facebook update. An update that arguably probably shouldn't have been posted. It was a post about parenting issues and people always feel the need to share their opposing opinions when it involves parenting. Cuz if you haven't heard? "Opinions are like assholes....everyone has one".

My 6 year old daughter scalped the hair on her American Girl doll and then proceeded to formulate an elaborate lie about it and blamed one of her friends for it and then got busted. She got grounded and was not allowed to attend a birthday party because of it. Not for the scalping but for the lying.

I posted a facebook update about it and received a lot of comment feedback from FB friends. All of it was positive and supportive...... until Aunt CB piped in....

Stay tuned...Part 2 coming soon.

Our little piece of heaven.

2009-10-27T05:15:00.000-07:00

My husband and I in the past 2 years have been tossing different ideas around. Do we want to move? Upgrade our home? We love our house but having a 4th bedroom would be REALLY nice. The boys share a room and their closet space is shrinking as their clothes get bigger each year. And a 3 car garage would be nice. We have a 2.5 car garage and can't even fit .5 cars in it. Sad. But true.

But we love our house. We've been here 10 years now. We love the neighborhood. We love the location of our sub. hubby's job is a 15 minute car drive away. We are less than a mile from major freeways. My parents live just one block away from us. I can see their home from my front porch. Only one side street and three homes separate us. I love that.

Do we really want to give all that up??

No. We don't.

And I won't even bother going into the whole "oh my gosh, we've put alot of money into this house and would probably just barely break even if we sold it right now" issues.

We decided that moving is not an option for us.

So, summer of 2008, we started tossing around the idea of purchasing a vacation home. We started casually looking at up north waterfront vacation homes listed online. And quickly discovered that vacation homes were not coming down in price like they were here in the suburbs. So we gave up on that thought.

Fast forward to August of 2009. We went on our annual 1 week trip to Higgins Lake with 4 families. We rented 2 homes side by side. 4 families, 8 adults, 11 kids. One week spent with our best friends and families. One week of jet skis, skiing, swimming, building sand castles, campfires, roasting marshmallows, telling ghost stories, relaxing, drinking, playing euchre & poker....my kids will be the first to tell you that this is our family's favorite vacation every year. And we take lots of vacations. And this vacation is only 3 hours from our home.

The day after returning from this vacation...totally on a whim because Hubby and I hadn't even revisited the "should we buy a vacation home" conversation....I decided to do a quick google search on waterfront vacation homes for sale in MI. To make a somewhat long story short....I completely fell head over heels in love with the 2nd home I stumbled upon (online). The little yellow house. I spent the next several hours (while hubby was at work) searching. Am I being impulsive? I must have looked at over 100 homes that day. All meeting my search criteria but non of them made my heart go pitter pat the way the little yellow home did. I spent hours that day watching and re-watching the on-line virtual tour.

My husband called to tell me he was on his way home and I could barely get the words out. "Honey, You're not gonna believe the house I just found online". My husband was a little confused because "eh-hem...why are you looking at houses?"

And when he got home? He fell just as hard as I did.

*The covered front porch I've been wanting all my life? It's got it.

*The lined up Crackle Barrel Chairs on the covered porch that I've always wanted? It's got it.

*The price was right.

The house was beautiful.

The house was being sold fully furnished.

5 bedrooms.

5 bathrooms.

SEVENTEEN BEDS!!!

On a gorgeous 2 acre lot.

Almost new pontoon boat included.

On the lake.

It's only a 2.25 hour drive away.

We have friends that live a 5 minute boat ride away right on the lake.

We know the lake as we've gone up there with our friends several times.

And last, but certainly not least, it was the perfect home for our annual vacation with our friends.

And have I ever mentioned that my favorite color is yellow? Yeah, the house is yellow. Such a happy house. =)

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this house was destined to be ours since the day it was built 8 years ago.

The previous owners just walked away from the house leaving it exactly as it was. Every piece of furniture, every wall hanging and decoration left exactly as it was. We walked in and had to do nothing. It was home the second we walked through the door.

The photos below are all from several different sources...hence the different sizes.

Without further ado....

Our new love...

They even left the 6 Cracker Barrel chairs...=)

Check out my new professional grade Viking stove. I'm in love.

The built in griddle on the stove....we can fry 9 eggs or 16 pancakes at once. =)

My boys' ship themed bedroom. Is this the bomb or is this the bomb??.....

My daughter's bedroom has 6 beds (there's another single under another window on the right that you can't see in this photo) and the bunk beds each have a trundle under them...for a grand total of 8 beds!!

We hope to finish the basement one day...

Our best friends came to help us celebrate our first weekend up north.

There's been a change of plans....

2009-10-22T06:06:00.001-07:00

Today's to-do list was suppose to look something like this:

*Go to the gym
*Groceries
*Buy Jordyn dance shoes
*Take dogs to groomers
*Pack for weekend trip up north

Now it just looks like this:

*Stay home and take care of sick baby girl

=(

2009-10-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

I miss blogging. Terribly.

Facebook, kinda took over. It's fabulous in a "OMG, I've reconnected with so many long lost child hood friends" kinda way. I don't enjoy writing. I have no aspirations to be a writer. Never have. But I enjoy keeping a journal of sorts for myself and my family. I originally thought that facebook would kinda kill 2 birds with 1 stone....I could give quick little 140 or less character updates about our family's happenings in a family journal sort-a way....AND....reconnect with friends at the same time.

Not so.

You can't go back in time on Facebook to a specific year or month...say...August of 2009 to read about how my son qualified for nationals in his Future Stars gymnastics meet (oh yes he did!!)....or how the offer we placed on our dream waterfront vacation home was accepted....(oh yes it was!!)...Or to Sept. to read my quick little blurbs about our closing and our 1st weekend trip to our beloved new home. Instead, you have to scan through page after page of recent updates to get to the later updates. Not convenient. Within a week...posts are pretty much to be forgotten about.

So, now, I feel like there are 5 months of our lives that will be forever forgotten. Never to be revisited again. And these past 5 months have truly been 5 of the best months this family has lived. And I now have no words written to remind myself or my family of how special a time in our lives this has been.

But (YES! I started a sentence with the word "BUT"! Get over it!) every time I've thought about sitting at the computer and starting up this blog again....I've felt over whelmed. And (*gasp*) I have no idea why. I think I've let all these fabulous writers in this bloggy land intimidate me. No one's fault but my own. I can't keep up. And I really don't want to try. I let my growing desire for comments and bloggy approval make me forget my original purpose in starting this blog to begin with. It bothered the hell out of me to read other bloggers criticizing (on their own blogs) how other people were horrible writers... grammar and spelling imperfect....or how their blog content was boring....or offensive.....giving "tips" on how to have a great blog.

Really?

I felt like I was doing this whole blog thing wrong. That unless I was a fantastic writer I had no business writing a blog. And so I quit.

But now I have nothing written down to account for the past 5 months of my life and that makes me sad. So....

There will be poor grammar, misspelled words, and maybe even some offensive language from time to time. That's me *shrugs shoulders*. Don't get your panties in a bunch over it....just walk away. I promise you won't hurt my feelings.

In a nut shell....

2009-04-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in a hurry cuz I'm get'n ready for my girls 4 night / 5 day "Group Therapy" trip to a Florida beach resort. I'm tie'n one on as I type to cure my pre flight gitters. And I'm still not done pack'n. I've been a sucky blogger lately. I know. I'll try to be better....but no promises.

I have a new addiction. Facebook.

I've kinda started thinking of my bloggy and twitter friends as my "imaginary" friends....friends I've never met and in all likelihood never WILL meet.

Facebook? Takes up only a fraction of my time and keeps me connected to my IRL friends. So? The novelty may wear off eventually but for now I'll be an occasional blogger and try to keep up as best I can with my "imaginary" friends. =)

If you're on facebook...and you're reading this.... look me up!

I'll be back from my trip on Sunday and hope to have some pics to share of my therapy session! =)

She died from "Fright"

2009-04-16T08:59:00.001-07:00

I've been trying to spend some time with my Grandma to go through her old photos so I can get started on her heritage album. This is one of my favorite things to do. Learning about my heritage and preserving family members' legacies.

So, I was at her house yesterday afternoon and have to share this story with you. My Grandma is the funniest woman you all will never meet. She doesn't try to be. It's just natural.

In going through her old photos we came upon a photo of my Great Great Grandfather. My Grandmother's father's father. I started asking questions about her father's parents and here is what she told me:

G: Well, you know, he was raised by his father (in Italy) because his mother died when he was a baby.

Me: (writing all this information down in my notebook....fascinated) How did she die?

G: A milk snake.

Me: Huh?

G: Yeah, a milk snake scared her to death.

Me: Huh?

G: Well, you know, back then they didn't have finished floors...they were poor and slept on the dirt. She was nursing the baby on the ground and fell asleep. She woke up to a 'milk snake' drinking her milk and she died of fright.

Now, I obviously don't believe a word of this but she totally does. I was laughing hysterically while she told this story and she was just looking at me like "what the hell's so funny....it's a true story". So this will be the story that will go in the heritage album that will forever preserve this family's legacy.

Let it be known that my dear dear Great Great Grandmother died because a 'milk snake' latched on to her lactating tit and scared her to death....literally.....

This is why I'm trying to preserve this families legacy now....while I'm still alive....cuz there's no telling what kind of ridiculous stories will be passed down to my own family about my life...... or death.

Easter 2009

2009-04-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

Easter's almost here and I've been hard at work with my annual Scavenger Hunt Madness poem. Bringing out my inner Edgar Allen Poe. And I think it's complete. I may tweak it here and there or add another verse or 2 but this is the semi final product. Thought I'd share it with ya'll again. For those of you that have stuck around this past year, you may remember last year's poem. I hope to get Easter morning on video and I'll share it with you. Assuming I can remember how to post a video!

I've returned to Smurfland
One of my favorite homes
To leave some Easter clues
For you little blue gnomes.

I watched with excitement
During Easter last year
As you found all the clues
With smiles and cheers.

I know how much you like
to run to and fro
looking for Easter eggs
both high and low.

But you know the rules
You must first hear my speech
About things I am proud of
And goals you must reach.

Justin,
You should be very proud
Of the accomplishments you've made
Both at the gym with your skills
And your report card grades.

Your dedication and focus
And constant personal best
Really makes this rabbit
Rather impressed.

I've seen lots of improvement
In this past year
In the way you treat your sister
Your efforts are clear.

But please remember
To always be nice
Before you open your mouth
You must first think twice.

Brendan,
you're next
My sweet dimpled boy...
Your handsome smile
Brings me such joy.

I've been watching you at school
Working very hard
You deserve every "A"
On your report card.

But will you really force
Your mom to agree
To allowing a mohawk
If you don't get a "B".

I think that a head
With that spiky hair
Will only encourage
People to stare.

Jordyn,
Your big wide smile
Is so very sweet
And watching you grow
Has been a huge treat.

This past year has flown by
With amazing speed
I mean...oh my gosh
You can already READ!

The one thing I love
Above all other things
Is your kindness to others..
It makes my heart sing.

Be sure to talk kindly
To your brothers too
Because I know you want them
To be kind to you.

All 3 of you smurfs
Fill my heart with pride
But you still have to work
To find where your baskets reside.

My clues have been too easy
these past few years
So I'm adding a little twist...
Open your ears.

I'll be smiling wide
Cause you may look like fools
Following the instructions
And all of my rules.

But remember I'm watching
And if you don't do as I say...
I may not return
For next years' Easter day.

Are you guys ready
To get this show on the road?
You'll find your first clue
Near the basement commode.

I stubbed my toe
When I left that last clue.
Please find me a band aide
To help heal my boo-boo?

Ah, Thank you!
I feel so much better!
Now walk on your hands
To where you'd send an email letter.

To find another clue
You could make a wish
Or simply tap dance to the cupboard
And grab a dish.

Now put on your shoes
We're going outside
You must walk backwards
To your daddy's new ride.

If your looking for your baskets
I might suggest
That you hop on one foot
To that birdies new nest.

Nope, not here
*giggles* this is so much fun
Now you must dance your way over
To the water guns.

I feel so cruel
For teasing you so...
All 3 of you must hold hands (& don't let go)
While you search behind a photo.

To find another clue
You won't have to go far
Just skip on over
To your tiki bar.

So, have you had enough
What do you think?
Maybe you should bunny hop
Your way to a sink.

Now go run 3 laps
Around your home
And don't you dare cheat
Or I'll ship your baskets to Rome!

After you've completed that task
Go talk to your mom
For she holds your next clue
Right in her palm.

Are you all out of breath?
Now touch your hands to your knees
And keep them just so
While you search under pine trees.

Remember I'm watching
I see all that you do
So cartwheel to the mailbox
To find your next clue.

Now you must twirl around
Like a ballerina in a costume
While you make your way over
To the basement storage room.

Now pat your head &
Rub your tummy
As you look in the freezer outside
For something yummy.

I really hate
For this fun to end
But I'm running out of rhymes
And I have more homes to attend.

For the grand finale
You must get down low
On your hands and knees
In a row.

Now all 3 of you smurfs
Must transform into toads
And leap over each other
To the room with the laundry loads.

Good-bye my little Smurfs
I look forward to next year
Prepare yourselves well
for the fun will be far more severe.

MWAHAAHAAHAHAHA......

Mom's Famous Cannoli Recipe

2009-03-18T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I promised you a cannoli recipe so here you go.

My mom is known for her cannolis. You will not taste a better cannoli. I promise you. I will not purchase cannolis at bakeries because they taste like dirt next to these. Seriously. They're THAT good. When mom has a party? People come. Not for the party, not to see family, not for the holiday....but for the CANNOLI!!!

Although, in all honesty, this isn't actually my mom's recipe. She got this recipe from one of my Grandma's friends. So I kinda feel a little dirty for sharing this. Like I'm sharing someone else's secret family recipe. But I think it's safe to say that my Grandma's friend isn't reading this blog....so....you know....

And since I'm being all honest and stuff...I should probably also point out that I've never actually made this recipe myself. Because I don't have any of these:

It's on my to-do list to acquire some cannoli shell tubes of my very own but I still haven't gotten around to it.

I've been making them with my mom for years. My brother and I used to tag team it with her in her kitchen making the shells when we were growing up. Making the shells is a bit of a chore. And almost requires more than one person. Unless you have...like....50 of the above pictured tubes. But it's sooooo worth it!

So, without further ado....I present to you my mom's famous cannoli recipe:

Cannoli shell:
4 cups of flour
3/4 cup Crisco
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
20 tbsp of water or wine (there are 16 tbsp to a cup)
1/2 tsp. cinnamon

(makes approx. 50 cannolis)

The key to a good flaky shell is to NOT work the dough too much..."cut" the Crisco into the dry ingredients until the mixture is no bigger than pea sized, then add the egg and slowly stir in the water until it forms a ball.

Mom usually makes this in advance and refrigerates the dough. It's easier to roll and work with when it's cold. Roll it thin (using flour so it doesn't stick), like less than an eight of an inch. Use a round cookie cutter (or a cup or a glass...anything round will do)...there are different sized tubes so you'll have to experiment with the size of the circle you're cutting. Wrap the cut circle around the tube and seal the edge with water...be sure the edges are sealed good because they tend to pop open when frying.

Confession: My brother and I used to pray for shells that popped open because then mom let us eat them. You can't fill a cannoli shell if it pops open. =) And sometimes....just sometimes....we'd purposely not seal it well. Sorry mom.

Fill a pan with a whole lotta vegetable oil and crank the burner up to "high". When oil sizzles with a splatter of water...it's ready. Electric deep fryer works too. Gently place several of the cannoli shells in the oil and fry until deep golden brown. If you have many tubes then making these are no big deal....but if you only have a hand full it becomes a chore because you have to wait for the tubes to cool before reloading the circles of dough. Hence, our tag teaming it as children. When you pull the tubes from the oil and slide the shell off the tube...place the shell on paper towel to soak up extra oil.

The shells can be made several days in advance and keep well.

Cannoli filling:

5 cups of milk
1 cinnamon stick
2.5 cups of sugar
1 cup of cornstarch
1 tsp vanilla

Heat sugar, milk, and cinnamon, leaving a little milk out to mix with the cornstarch. When milk comes to a boil add cornstarch/milk mixture. Mix until thick stirring continuously. Scrape the bottom of the pan as you stir so the milk doesn't burn...cuz then you end up with yucky ugly brown chunks in your filling. Put in the frig. When cooled, stir in vanilla. (Fills approx. 25 cannolis).

The easiest way to fill the cannoli shell is to use a cake decorator's bag such as this:

You're still not done.

Then you mix (very) finely chopped walnuts and some (very) finely chopped Hershey's chocolate together in a bowl. You can even mix some of the finely chopped Hershey's chocolate into the cooled filling. Yummy. Then dip the ends of the filled cannolis into the nut/chocolate mixture.

For best results...don't fill the shells too early. The shells with get a little soggy and lose their flakiness if you fill them too soon.

And that's it.

I'm going to make some soon....just as soon as I purchase my very own tubes....and take pictures along the way.

If you make these? You MUST share your opinion with me . It'll make my mom happy. =)

Eggakooga

2009-03-14T05:23:00.000-07:00

Eggakooga - This is the phonetic spelling. Say it exactly how you see it. Egg-a-koo-ga. Sounds funny doesn't it? It's fun to say. Eggakooga, eggakooga, eggakooga.

Eggakooga is another one of those family legacies that I'd like to share with you.

I grew up with eggakooga. Eggakooga has been a part of my life ever since...well....as far back as my memory begins. I obviously don't recall, but I'd bet my bottom dollar that eggakooga was one of my first solid foods. Some kids start with cheerios...we (I'm quite certain) started with eggakooga. We always looked forward to our weekend breakfast of eggakooga. It was such a huge part of our lives that I remember being absolutely shocked every time a friend came over to spend the night and had no idea what eggakooga was.

WHAT?!

You don't know what EGGakooga is??!! How is that possible? Dude, it's eggakooga! Surely your parents haven't deprived you your entire life from the yumminess of eggakooga!!

I'm so sorry. You poor, poor thing. Here. We'll fix that. Mom? My friend here has never had eggakooga. Will you please make her some? She needs to know eggakooga.
It wasn't until I was older that I learned no-one knows of eggakooga because it came from Belgium.

Three of my Grandparents are from Italy and one of my Grandparents (my paternal Grandmother) is from Belgium. My Grandma moved here with her parents when she was a little girl and brought this deliciousness with her. She used to make it for her kids...apparently it was my dad's favorite....so Grandma taught my mom how to make it....and now I make it for my kids. Although, truth be told, my mom makes it for my kids more often than I do. When my kids spend the night over there that's their little treat. They look forward to spending the night over there mainly because they know if they beg...Grandma will make them eggakooga.

Again, I'm not sure where this recipe originated from...whether it started with my Great-Grandma or Great-Great-Grandma is unknown. But I believe all the world should know about eggakooga.

Your life will be better because of it.

So here it is...

Eggakooga:

4 eggs
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup flour
and a pinch of salt.

That's it. So simple.

Put above ingredients in a blender and mix.

Melt some butter (1/2 TBSP or so) in a frying pan (over medium heat) while the blender is going.

Pour a thin layer of the mixture into the frying pan to cover the bottom.

Cook a couple minutes on each side....give or take.

And that's it.

You can roll it up with fruit.

You can sprinkle powdered sugar on it.

Or...you can eat it plain just by it's yummy self like me and my kids do.

And for some reason we've found that eating it like cavemen without utensils makes it taste even better. Go figure.

I've tried altering the recipe a little to make it a little healthier. Using Splenda to replace the sugar....using wheat flour to substitute white flour. And it works. But the original is so much better.

I should also warn you that we usually go through 16 eggs when we make this. I usually have to make four times the recipe. My kids are insatiable when I make it. Demanding more and more.

So, go try it and tell me what you think.

Holy Canoli! Spell check is NOT liking me today!

Hmmm....speaking of canoli...Maybe I'll share my mom's canoli recipe with you next. Pure heaven I tell you. Pure heaven.

The squacoon made me do it!

2009-03-13T06:31:00.000-07:00

Parenting tip #213:

Telling your kids to "stay away from drugs" is not enough....

Dreamy: Mom, remember when you first started talking to us about how we should always stay away from drugs, and how they hurt you, and how they're bad for your body and brain and make you do stupid things and even if a friend tries to give us a drug we should always say no?

Me: Yeah

Dreamy: Well, I used to think that drugs were an animal.

Me: huh???

Dreamy: Yeah. I used to think that "drugs" were an animal. I figured in my brain that they were like a cross between a squirrel and a raccoon. Like a racquirl or squaccoon.

God Bless...Beep Beep

2009-03-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

I spoke with my Aunt on the phone recently and she reminded me of this story and it got me to think'n.....

Most of you know when I was a little girl my father passed away. Leukemia. My mother found herself in the precarious position of being a widow with 2 small children (ages 5 & 2) at the tender age of 28. She didn't have a job nor did she have a college education. So, my dad, being the oldest of eight had a large family and they stepped up to the plate to help my mom out. My aunt came to live with us. She basically provided my mom with a live in nanny so my mom could get a job by day and go to college by night. I was only 5 at the time so I honestly have no conception of time. As far as my 5 year old memory is concerned it could have been 2 years she lived with us or just one month. I have no idea. But I remember that time very vividly. My Aunt made an impression on me and had a huge impact on my life. And she was only a young adult at that time. Maybe 19?

On a side note, and this has absolutely nothing to do with the purpose of this post, my Aunt is a dwarf. She stands less than 4 feet tall. I often wonder if I connected with her because she was my height at that time...or maybe it's because she was my father's sister. Whatever the reason, kids seem to be drawn to her as she has an incredibly wicked sense of humor.

But I digress...

So she came to live with us. And every time she would put me down for a nap or tuck me in at night she had a little ritual. She would lean over my bed, we would say our prayers, and she would then make the sign of the cross on my forehead with her thumb saying "God Bless" and then press my nose twice saying "Beep - Beep".

"God Bless Beep Beep."

This may sound like a silly little inconsequential gesture to you but it became oddly comforting to me. It was our little "thing." And I'm sure she did the same with my young brother at the time and she did the same with her future daughter. So it wasn't really "our" thing but my 5 year old self believed it was. I never knew, and often wondered, where that little gesture came from.

Until my Grandfather's funeral.

My Grandpa passed away several years ago. And at his funeral several of his kids (my Aunts and Uncle) stood up to share a few memories with all who mourned him. One of the stories that was shared was his nightly "God Bless Beep Beep" ritual. He did the same gesture to them every night before bed. And it touched them, enough to mention it at his funeral, the same way it touched me.

He had passed on this gesture to his kids, his kids passed on this gesture to me and probably all their own kids (my cousins), and now I pass on this gesture to my kids.

So this silly little inconsequential gesture has been passed on through 4 generations. Maybe more. Because now I wonder, where did my Grandfather get this? Did his mother (my Great Grandma) start this "God Bless Beep Beep" night time ritual when my Grandfather was a child? Did HER mother (my Great-great Grandmother) start this with HER in the Italian version of "God Bless Beep Beep"...which, according to free (and not so accurate) online translation, would be "Dio Benedice il segnale di segnale." Who knows? And maybe now my kids will carry on this silly little inconsequential night time ritual with their kids...and so on...

How many generations of this family will be touched by that one little inconsequential night time ritual? That one little piece of "whateveryouwanttocallit" has become a small part of SOMEone's legacy.

I wish I knew who that someone was.

So I could say thank you.

Time flies...blah blah blah....

2009-03-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

Has it really been almost a month since I last posted? It's probably been nearly as long since I've taken a peak in my google reader. In fact, hang on, I must go take a peak at my google reader numbers....this should be good.....

Don't go anywhere.....

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

My google reader has almost reached quadruple numbers! I miss ya'll. I do. Terribly. But I really suck at time management. As evidenced by my scatter brain household and parental mishaps. The most recent mishaps being......

1) With 3 kids all bringing notes home both from school and extracurriculars I tend to skim read them trying to pick out important information at a glance to save time. I mis-read the latest note from gymnastics thinking they didn't have practice the day before a meet....which didn't make sense....but whatever....and proceeded to tell another mom the same wrong information so they missed practice too. Yeay me.

2) We seem to have lost a very important part to my son's gymnastics uniform. Whether this is my fault or my son's fault is debatable but I'm guessing parents who are on top of things don't lose their kids' uniforms. Just a guess.

3) I somehow missed a very important school newsletter stating that there was a HUGE project due on Monday. My son has known about this for 3 weeks and I just found out 5 days before it's due date and 2 days before we left for an out of town gymnastics meet. Which meant I he we had approximately 24 hours to complete said project. The fault of this is, again, debatable but as the parent of this child I must accept a portion of the blame. A little aside here for any teachers who may be reading this.....please keep in mind I'm a little bitter about this.....HOW do all these FREAK'N projects contribute to my child's education AT. ALL???? They don't. Not at all. These projects are NOT for the children....they are FOR THE PARENTS!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!! I HAVE ENOUGH SHIT TO DO!!!

I would also like to say that I worked very hard on my son's project and fully expect an A+.

And for any parents out there who will undoubtedly feel the need to point out that my doing this project FOR him undermines the purpose and his education....I say...."save it."

Just trying to cover all bases here.

Kay, I feel better. If any teachers out there take offense to this....I apologize. I really do wish though that I could understand the purpose of these projects. They serve no purpose other than to stress an already "at her limit" mom out. If you feel projects are that necessary to their growth, development, and education....then how's about yah do them in the classroom? Just a thought.

Those are just a few of the most recent parental failures that come to mind...there are more....many....many.....many more.

On a happier note...

Our family vacation to Cancun was fabulous. There are very few things that make me happier than vacationing with my family. And every year that passes it becomes more enjoyable than the year before. The older our kids get the more self reliant they become. Plane trips are no longer the dreaded field trip they once were. (cue Bill Cosby and his "Jeffery" skit). I no longer have to worry about packing the pack-n-play, the stroller, the car seat, the diapers....etc. I no longer have to worry about how the kids will all fall asleep in the same room, making sure we're in the room for naps, or how to heat up a bottle. Up until a few years ago (for 9 years straight) vacationing was just a whole lotta work. Exhausting even.

Now?

It's the blissful escape and adventure it once was.

I assumed this position for much of this trip ~ Kindle in one hand & cocktail in the other. =)

Dreamy

The boys playing basketball at the kids camp with some of the friends they met.

We enjoyed a little putt putt.

Smurfette had her face painted at the kids camp.

Me smooch'n on my hubby. I would just like to point out what the humidity does to my hair. ACK!

Me and my favorite travel companions....

My husband joined a poolside activity...he volunteered to be a judge for bikini models. But instead got suckered into participating in a poolside Iron Man contest....he won and was deemed the King of Cancun for the week. I'm so proud.

Cramming an entire week in one post.

2009-02-11T04:12:00.000-08:00

The past week’s highlights in bullet form:

Monday the 2nd: Dreamy’s birthday

*Smurfette woke up at 1am and announced at my bedroom threshold that she had puked in her bed. I stumbled into her room with one eye open to discover the mound of blown chunks had actually made it to the carpet. Bonus.

*Kept Smurfette home from school. Within hours of waking she was chasing the dog around the house. No fever. Good appetite. Which lead me to believe that my skinny little Smurfette simply ate way more than her tiny tummy could handle at the previous night’s Superbowl Party.

*The family then celebrated Dreamy’s birthday at Outback Steakhouse per Dreamy’s request…he loves a good steak.

*Notice his diligence at scraping away all the good stuff off his dessert. All he wants is the ice cream.

*This is Dreamy's year for the "friend party". All 3 of my kids alternate and so get a "friend party" every 3rd year. Due to the gymnastics schedule and full weekend calendar Dreamy's birthday party with friends has been pushed back a couple weeks. We will be celebrating his 10th birthday with his friends at an indoor water park during their mid-winter break from school.

Tuesday the 3rd:

*Pulled Dreamy from school for the traditional birthday lunch. Big Boy restaurant gives a huge free dessert to the birthday child. We went to collect. Apparently the economy has hit Big Boy because the mound of Brownie, vanilla ice cream, and cool whip has been reduced to a brownie with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. They can no longer spare the scoop of ice cream. This child doesn’t like whipped cream. This child doesn’t like cake (they call it a brownie…but Dreamy begged to differ). So I ate his free dessert and bought him a scoop of ice cream. What’s a mom to do.

Wednesday the 4th:

*Hubs and I collectively had a minor ohmyfreaknGoshitscoldashellout winter blues melt down. So, we decided to call our travel agent and see if she could find this family of 5 a deal to somewhere (anywhere) with sand, sun, and heat... preferably with palm trees. And, to make a long story short…she did. An all inclusive four nights in Cancun. So, now I can muscle my way through the next 3 weeks of winter knowing that our family will see sunshine very soon. I just needed something to look forward to. Nothing helps pass the weeks of winter like shopping for swim suits and sandals.

Thursday the 5th:

*Met some friends for lunch where our annual trip to Florida was discussed. The trip is now officially booked. In roughly 10 weeks there will 6 gorgeous mom’s and wives lounging on the sandy shores of the golf coast with their umbrella drinks in one hand and books in the other. We will be the ones without children. We will be the ones without husbands. We will be the ones with the gleaming relaxed smiles on our face. And you may not want to visit our condo cuz we don’t cook, we don't clean, and we don't clean or pick up after ourselves (or each other) during this trip.

Friday the 6th:

*The kids stayed at Grandma’s over night while Hubs and I went out with some lovely new friends. K & I met at the gym. We’ve been work out buddies since last October. Our husbands hadn’t met till Friday night. Going out with new friends can be a little daunting. Not entirely sure what to expect or what they’re like. But we had a very good time and lots of fun with this couple and look forward to going out again in the future.

Saturday the 7th:

*My parents held a surprise 85th birthday party for my Step Dad’s mom….my step grandma so to speak. It was a surprisingly nice party. I say surprisingly not because my mom doesn’t know how to throw one hell of a spread…cuz she totally does…. but because of the attendees. There was no redneck hillbilly drama. All present were surprisingly pleasant….and kind...and dare I say….friendly. And Granny was touched…moved to tears even. And that alone speaks volumes….cuz this redneck hillbilly hard nosed granny of a woman….doesn’t cry. Ever. And that’s all I’m gonna say about that….

Sunday the 8th:

*Our little boy smurfs had a gymnastics meet at their own home gym. The first of many (we hope). They did very good. It was a very small meet. Hefty was one of 4 in his level and Dreamy was one of 8. They both took 1st place and walked away with a really cool trophy. More importantly, they walked away feeling proud that they had done their personal best.

I tried like hell to blur out other children's faces but I can't figure out Photoshop to save my freak'n life. I now have a Photoshop for dummies book and hope to make it a priority in my life real soon.

Monday the 9th:

*We attended Dreamy's 4th grade winter music concert. Where he refused to sing, refused to dance, and refused to do the sign language. And he was standing smack dab front and center. *sigh* This child's stubbornness will be my undoing.

*And here it is Wednesday morning and I woke again at 1:00am to the sound of my oldest child blowing chunks in his bathroom sink. Why his sink? Because someone had used the toilet yesterday and didn't flush....leaving a lovely surprise. Nice. I know. So, now I'm home with another sick child. *sigh*

Other happenings this week....

*My Step Dad used his amazing work shop skillz to make us this fabulous custom made built in bay window seat and book shelf. LOVE. IT! Please ignore the missing panel on the window seat...it will be put on shortly.

*There's lots of shelves and storage behind those closed doors!

*And even more hidden storage under those seats!

The Middle Child

2009-02-02T08:41:00.000-08:00

My first born holds a special place in my heart because he's my first born. He taught me how to be a mom. He taught me how to love and nurture. But his first year was difficult for me because I had no idea what I was doing as I explained here.

My last born holds a special place in my heart because she's my baby and my only daughter. But her first year was difficult for me because she was colicky as I've explained here.

My middle child holds a special place in my heart for other reasons entirely. I worried my whole pregnancy how I could possibly hold and give the same amount of love for another child that I did for my first. The idea was inconceivable to me. I worried that it wouldn't be possible to divide my love and attention. But when this middle child of mine entered our world it all became instantly clear. Your love isn't divided. It's multiplied.

I worried that having two children so close together in age would be very difficult. A toddler and an infant. But this child was so easy and content that I felt silly for worrying.

This whole second experience was just so much better than the first. In every aspect.

My pregnancy was more comfortable because I only gained 40 pounds instead of 75.

His birth was a piece of cake. I had hoped to try for a VBAC but after 15 hours of labor and no progress I simply asked for a C-Section & he was born. On his due date. Groundhogs Day. I was awake for the birth this time. I didn't freak out on the operation table this time. I held him, nursed him, bonded with him immediately instead of 8 hours later.

This baby's dimples captured my heart in seconds. He's my only child to have inherited those gorgeous dimples from my father's side of the family.

This second born son held a special place in my heart the instant he entered our world. He nursed instantly and easily. My goal was to nurse him until he was sleeping through the night. He was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and I stopped producing enough for him. It was an unplanned weening. I never went through the engorgement and pain of weening. It just happened. Easy.

He never cried. And when I say "never" I truly mean "never". He'd let out a little whimper every now and then when he was hungry but that was it. My mother thought there was something wrong with him and thought I should ask the doctor about it because "it's just not natural for a baby to not cry."

When he'd finish nursing at night he'd fall instantly to sleep. There was no dinner/evening time bewitching hours for this one.

He was the only one of my infants to let me rock him to sleep. I could sit and rock him for hours and he would just stare at me and smile. He was my only cuddler. Content to just be in my arms. And yet, if I put him in his crib awake? He'd fall asleep all on his own without a sound or complaint.

He was a perfect baby. The happy and easy infant that every mom dreams of having. If all my babies had been this easy I probably would have ended up with ten kids.

It's 10 years later to the day and he still manages to squeeze my heart daily with his dimply smile and happy-go-lucky eager to please ways. He's got just a touch of my hard headed stubbornness. That stubbornness makes me want to pull my hair out some days....but it mostly just makes me smile. He's my sweet one. The one that will still cuddle with me on occasion. The one that is very stingy with the kisses but gives one hell of a hug. The one that notices when I've gotten a hair cut and compliments me when he likes what I'm wearing. He's the one that offers helpful tips when needed and who's teachers adore him. He's the one that is learning to cope with sensory integration over load and over came his delayed speech and now gets straight As. He's the one that is hoping to get two more card markings of straight As so that he can get the Faux-hawk I promised him *God help me*. He makes us laugh with his goofy ways and sense of humor (only Dreamy could hurt himself on the bathroom faucet while trying to get a good look at his wedgie in the mirror). He makes us (and himself) giggle with his Monk-like OCD ways. He's obsessed with the TV show Monk for a reason. He understands Monk. He "gets" Monk.

And he's the one that tends to get slightly shafted because of where he falls in this family line up. Today is his birthday. Today, as tradition dictates, I should be pulling him out of school and taking him out to lunch for his birthday. But Smurfette decided to vomit in her bed last night and had to stay home from school today. Did Dreamy get upset? No. Did he complain or put up a fight? No. He said "It's OK Mom, we'll go tomorrow."

I love this child more than words can say.

Happy 10th Birthday Dreamy. You've finally made it to the double digits!

New Born Hospital photo:

6 months old:

Monthly photos up to first birthday:

18 months old:

2 years old (would yah just look at those dimples...I just wanna eat'm up):

3 years old:

4 years old:

5 years old:

6 years old:

7 years old:

8 Years old:

9 year old: