Huckdoll's Hood

Lost

2008-07-23T00:24:00.000-07:00

"One major downfall is that once this medication is discontinued, you will then suffer hellish withdrawal effects for weeks..."

"...happy pills that kill your happy drive..."

"...electric shock sensations, fevers, headaches, dizzyness, insomnia and general 'kill me now' feelings are common..."

"...basically a 'numbing' of emotions..."

"...brain shivers...feels like your brain is being electrocuted..."

"...strange kind of stupor that I could not assess my own mental state anymore..."

"...words during conversations are still lacking...the other night I could not remember the Lords Prayer...I have known this prayer all of my life"

In my shaking hands is piece of paper. On it holds either peace or hell for my mind.

Today I was diagnosed as depressed.

During a very long conversation with my family doctor, we decided together that Effexor was the direction to take.

I promised myself with everything in me that I would not Google it. I Googled.

Now I'm scared.

I want peace...I need peace. But I have never been so lost as I am right now.

This is one of the biggest decisions I've ever had to make in my adult life and I'm at a standstill.

My readers have proven time and time again to be some of the smartest, most intelligent and caring people I've ever had to pleasure of knowing and I need your help.

If any of you have experiences with Effexor - or any antidepressant for that matter - please share with me. If you've gone the natural/holistic/lifestyle change route, I'd also love to know about that.

I need perspective from real people, not just names in Effexor forums and blogs.

I need the conflict and chaos in my mind to ease, even a little.

Please know that I realize every drug, brain and individual is different. Effexor could be my perfect solution - just like I was "made for pregnancy," I could be made for antidepressants.

I could swallow one of these pills now and in four to six weeks I could be back on track.

I might sleep at night.

I might wake up in the morning with energy.

I might take my daughters outside to play because I want to, not because I need to or feel guilty.

I might take care of my home.

I might stop staring into blank space and thinking of nothing and everything at the same time.

The constant headaches might end.

The tension in my neck and shoulders might release.

I might eat more than the crusts of the girls sandwiches and toast.

I might look in the mirror and see something other than a shell of the person I once was.

I might be happy again.

My doctor seems to think I need rewiring. I know I need rewiring.

So why does my gut feeling say don't go there?

Any thoughts are very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

Canadian Girls Rock

2008-07-22T01:30:00.000-07:00

So, yea. I be back.

First off, a special Huck-styles hug (that would be the drunkish, tackling to the ground, spilling your drink all over yourself and me kind) to each and every one of you.

Your comments and checking in meant the absolute world to me - you were all the perfect mixture of care, concern and cool.

I have real friends in you all and I know that.

To those who unknowingly became my sounding board/support network - you know who you are - well, ummm...thank you. I am honoured to have you in my life...I hope you know that.

'Nuff said. On to shiny happy things now.

I have this dear hockey friend from America who I talk to quite regularly. We recently had a conversation about Canada and all the things he'd like to see and do if he ever came here - which he will because the Wife talks about moving here or visiting dailyish.

So here goes a comparison of cool shit in Canada vs. America and though I have a feeling the later will win in the end, I still love me some Canada and especially hockey beer cups.

1. Bud Lite Lime

My Princess and Hockeyman constantly brag about this:

They suck and I think they're cruel to rub it in on a weekly basis. My passion for beer and lime is intense and one of them has even gone as far as PHOTOGRAPHING their Sunday brunch which included a Bud Lite Lime. Jackass!

I counter with this:

The Molson Canadian Cold Shot. Good beer, high alcohol content, fast drink.

Pack eight of them in your purse and head to a party (if you are 22...I SO would not dare pull such a stunt now). Yes I would.

Anyway.

Another thing Canadialand has over America?

The VODKA Rockstar Energy drink:

These are totally unavailable and probably illegal in the US.

Come to Canada and I'll make your heart flutter.

2. Tim Hortons

I've lived in Canada my whole life and Tim Ho's is so not a big deal. From my office in Vancouver I can walk to four in less than five minutes.

Every Sunday when I work (if I make it in by noon), I grab a breakfast sandwich and a large hot chocolate. If I'm past the cut off time and my begging and pleading doesn't work, I order soup and a bun and a large hot chocolate.

Their hot chocolate isn't good or anything like that.

I have NO idea what you Americans could possibly put up against Tim Hortons...and don't say Krispy Kreme because even though the doughnuts are good - they don't have large hot chocolates or homemade soups or buns or breakfast sandwiches.

Come to Canada and I'll make sure you gain ten pounds.

3. Deserts

I've been to your desert, people. I've traveled through Death Valley, I've been kicked out of casinos in Vegas for being underage and I've seen the Grand Canyon.

Your 117 degree July KILLED me. My kicks MELTED onto the picnic table I was hanging out on.

I'd also go back in a heartbeat because deserts are kind of cool (if you don't live in them permanently, I've heard).

So I give you America's desert:

And I give you Canada's ONLY desert, Osoyoos, British Columbia:

I loves me some Osoyoos. We won't talk about the time I ... here or the times I ... here or that ONE time I ... here.

Osoyoos is party central for the 18-28 set come summer. Lakes and boats and beer and heat can only mean one thing.

And you know what they say. When the temperature goes up, the clothes come... *ahem*. Never mind.

4. MTV

I'm 105% sure the US will win out on this one.

Canada didn't even GET MTV until a few years ago and we don't actually get music videos. We have Much Music for that.

All we see on MTV is reality television and as much as I despise TV, MTV has all of my favorite shows EXCEPT Intervention, Friday Night Lights and The Real Housewives of Orange County.

That's right. I said it and I'm saying it.

I thought I had died and gone to heaven when I discovered the following:

- The Hills
- Rob and Big
- Life of Ryan
- Cribs
- Laguna Beach
- Run's House
- My Super Sweet 16

Bet you didn't know until right now that you are reading the blog of an 18 year old trapped in a 29 year old's body.

4. Ski Resorts

Well, I've heard a little rumour that Colorado has a few tight resorts. I know Mammoth in California rates tops for park riding.

But Canada IS home to North America's top ski resort, Whistler/Blackcomb.

Which is also home to the Vancouver/Whistler 2010 Winter Olympics.

Anybody interested in a home-swap? Because my ass ain't sticking around here for that shit. Unless I can score some Canada VS. ? final round hockey tickets because, ummm, well...we will win (as usual) and that would be some crazy mad energy.

If I can't get tickets, Disneyland here I come.

5. Disneyland, World, Island and Cruise

America is the bomb because it's the home of Disney.

You win.

6. Target

I used to save up my babysitting money for a year to shop here when my Mom took us on summer holidays to the States.

We have nothing of the sort.

You win. Again. Bastards.

7. Malls

Canada boasts the largest mall in North America (sixth largest in the world).

Not sure if that floats your boat 'cause it sure doesn't mine, but still.

I do love the water slides, amusement park and Ice Palace (all inside the mall), though.

Canada wins.

8. Celine Dion

*Shudders*

I do adore Titanic, can't stand this bitch.

You win, America.

Sorry, Celine. I really don't care much for you at all.

9. Universal Healthcare

Ever since I started blogging, I've heard hellish stories about medical bills coming from the American folk.

In Canada, we just hand over a little card and walk away most of the time. Sometimes, you need to pay for your prescriptions, but if you're like me, you just hand over another little card and they toss a bag of meds at you.

Personally, I've never had to wait more than a few days to see my doctor and all of our ER trips have been pleasant. My nationally recognized multiples specialist who cared for me while I was pregnant with twins cost me nothing, nor did the fifteen or so ultrasounds I had.

My c-section and private garden view room for three days cost me nothing either. I just handed over a card and I was good to go.

We also have private health care options available. Money talks in this country, but it's a choice.

Canada wins (in my opinion at least).

10. We have places like this:

'Nuff said.

Canada wins again.

Not that I do that anymore...and when I did, I didn't exhale. I mean inhale. Yea, inhale. Nope, always. NEVER, I meant never.

It's Huckdoll, Bitch

2008-07-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

I know it's only been a week (the longest hiatus I've taken from anything since starting this blog), but it feels so good to be home in the Hood. I actually checked out weeks before I called a hiatus and have missed you all deeply.

Huckdoll's back.

Don't even tell me this song didn't make you dance a little. Yea, I'm talking to YOU.

More to come later tonight.

Status: Hiatus

2008-07-13T19:00:00.000-07:00

Return date: Unknown

A Whole Lot of Huckdoll

2008-07-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

Tonight I have the honour of guest posting on the blog of my favorite Wife, Angie at A Whole Lot of Nothing.

Guesting posting is actually kind of cool and I hope to do it more often and even have a few guests here once in awhile.

If you're interested in a guest post exchange, please contact me via email huckdoll18@hotmail.com.

It's great way to show off your stuff and gain exposure to a broader group of readers.

Now, GO READ MY POST, dammit.

Do it.

Please?

Envy

2008-07-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks once again to Jill @ Caffeine Court and LunaNik @ Secrets of a Black Heart for creating and hosting this blog carnival.

The Seven Deadly Sins

Vanity
Gluttony
Sloth
Wrath
Envy
Greed
Lust

ENVY

A state of emotional being, characterized by the desire for one to be in another’s shoes.

Well, I'd love to say that I'm not envious of anybody, but to be brutally honest, I am.

Not envious in a mean-spirited way or anything like that. More envious in a 'I'd like to walk a day in your shoes' kinda way. These people are my friends and I love them and I hope they know that I KNOW, not everything is as it seems.

It rarely ever it is. I'm a poster child.

So here goes nothing.

I'd love to walk a day in...

The shoes of an amazingly talented young woman who has been recruited by BlogHer to sit on a panel next week. Important people want to meet her and she is the talk of the town. She's also ten times the writer I will ever be and is fierce as all out.

The shoes of an adorable woman who owns expensive ones and actually wears them. I want her style, flair, handbags and beautiful, flowing writing and storytelling skills.

The shoes of a single mom, living in my favourite city. She doesn't have to answer to anyone and she truly lives the saying, "I do what I want". Only her and a few other people might get this, but anyway. She is also goddamn funny, witty on cue, smart and has the ability to make me feel better about anything and everything.

The shoes of a strong, fiercely cool person who has talked much sense into me on many occasions. Her way with words and composition is nothing short of amazing as is her patience. She used to be my wonder drug and I only wish that I could be that levelheaded and smart.

The shoes of a woman residing in Pleasantville - minus the minivan, of course. Looking in from the outside, things seems damn near perfect and I could probably walk far more than one day in those shoes. A social butterfly extraordinaire - something I am SO not. I've always envied people with the gift of making people feel at ease and at home. She's one of them - I call them salt of the Earth.

The shoes of a woman with an unfaltering spirit. She is constantly making me laugh and picking me up when I'm down. I wish I had her strength and ability to make almost any situation hilariously funny. A life of the party chick - things would just not be same without her. Must be her ninja skills.

I just envy you all for certain things but again, I know not everything is cakes and pies and rainbows and stars. Shut up.

Onto non-blogging relations...

Moms who work outside of the home. I loved working and I adored my career, it's just not feasible for me to go back full-time until the girls start school. I think I have mommy brain now and it sucks.

Double income, no children couples. I used to be one of these and it was swwwwwweeeeet. That was the life.

Moms who regain their previously flat and toned tummy. Mine's not that bad for being so small and carrying twins to full term, but still. It ain't what it used to be.

Moms without twins. I didn't get a chance to bond with my newborns until they were one and a half years old. Raising twins is hardcore and I could never just lay there holding and cooing over one. There was always another one wanting something and demanding my attention.

My step-sister who just got married. She was beautiful and made me want to be a bride. The second I hugged her and kissed her shoulder, I broke down into tears. Brides are just so damn angelic.

People who take post secondary education. I love the smell of books, pens and paper and I very much wish I hadn't been such a slacker in school.

Bloggers who make serious incomes from their blogs. In the perfect world, I would get paid better than I was at work by doing this blogging stuff. That said, I used to make a pretty penny and that sort of income is not even on the horizon for Huckdoll.

My little brother. He's the absolutely funniest guy I've ever met in my life and has a perfect nose. I wish I was passed some of both.

People that can cook. I can cook, I do cook, but not very well. I try, I fail, I try, I fail. I love cooking, it just hates me ... it's an evil cycle.

Globetrotters. I wish I took a few years off to trek around the world - Europe, at least. I'm starting to think I never will and that's a shame.

So yeah, there we go. I embody envy in my own special ways and I'm okay with that.

Eleventy Hundred (bitten from my biatch, Kelley) Questions For me - Part 3

2008-07-05T16:24:00.000-07:00

Remember waaaaaay back in the day, I had this little contest going on?

No?

Well, I had asked my readers to ask me three questions for a chance at winning a Huck Love package including a video game of your choice made by Baby Daddy's company.

Then I just stopped answering the questions.

So, here's the deal.

I'm going to continue answering questions but if any of my new friends or readers want to ask something for an entry into the draw, then go hard.

Just ask your one question here in comments and I'll be glad to answer it and put your little piece of paper in the hat.

No, I don't know about the randomizer and I don't care. I couldn't even figure out Mister Linky for my last two posts so I'll be sticking to the old fashion way for now.

I'm also opening this contest internationally. Nothing bugs me more as a Canadian than being left out of a contest and some of my BEST eFRIENDS are not North American so go hard, WORLD.

On to the task at hand.

Andrea @ In Her Shoes:

Biggest regret in life?

I'd say not just being a girl. I was constantly in a relationship from the ages of 15 up until now, at 29. Sure, there were a few short, small breaks, but I rarely dated and I think I missed out on a lot of fun girl stuff. That's probably why I have boatloads of guy friends and only a couple of girlfriends.

Is mommyhood hardier or easier than you thought it would be?

Way harder. I've never cried harder out of sheer frustration of raising two babies at one time. I had no idea how hard motherhood would be.

Does having kids change your sex life?

Change is an understatement.

Smoochiefrog @ In the Mind of a Thirty Something Mom:

Why haven't you and baby daddy gotten married, what are you waiting for?

To be honest, I wanted to be different - a non-traditionalist if you might. The thought of doing something properly and in order like everybody else repulsed me at the time. However, I had grand plans of having one child, living in the city and continuing on my career path while having someone nanny, cook and clean for us. Then I found out it was twins and life drastically changed.

Do you plan to tell your girls about your drug use?

I'm going to take the experiences I had and scare the shit out of them.

My own Aunt's LSD use as a teenager triggered a chemical in her brain that brought on manic depression and schizophrenia. I never touched the shit or socialized with people on it. My mom gently told us about it from time to time and I think that really made me head strong against it. I want the same for my own daughters and if I need to tell them everything, I will.

What's your favorite color?

Blues of every shade.

Amy @ Every Day With the Kellys:

Okay, call me a weirdo but here goes....what is your preference for undies, ie thong, grandma, boy shorts, high cut, bikinis, etc. etc.?

You are so not a weirdo, Amy...it's all good! (PSST...Perv Alert!) Kidding. Umm, I detest thongs, but I do own them. Sometimes in certain pants, dresses and skirts, normal underwear will just not do. Again, I detest them. Baby Daddy? Not so much.

My favorite underwear are all seamless, soft cotton, low cut bikini types, I guess...just your run of the mill comfortable but cute.

Now for baby daddy...what does he prefer boxers or briefs (tighty whities)?

He is a boxer-brief guy, nothing else is in the spectrum for him.

What is your favorite cosmetic product and why?

I'm not big into make-up at all. I do wear a little foundation to even out things, some eye-liner and mascara, but that's all. My favorite product is Rimmel London Recover. It's got beautiful little beads of light catchers and is very natural looking.

I won't and never will spend a ton of money on make-up. I feel like it's all the same shit whether I buy it from a shelf or make-up counter. Clinque and Chanel mean nothing to be other than my hard earned money going into the pisser.

Besides, I never want to be that girl who washes off her war paint and looks like a totally different person.

Turtle @ The Story of Turtle:

What do you think your most played song on your ipod says about you in general, and your personality?

My iPod is currently being a batteryless bitch and won't even sync up with iTunes. Wait...it is working.

"Very low battery"

Useless.

My most played song is Numb by Linkin Park.

I really can't explain what that says about me.

Look to your left, what do you see?

A half full wine glass (I did some of this post last night), two local newspapers to help find my friend a place to live, my lappy battery, the hydro bill, a woman's magazine and a bottle of the girls' bubbles.

What is your secret talent?

The ability to not throw up no matter what. I've never once vomited in my entire life. I call that a talent.

A rated PG one, at least.

BusyDad @ The Busy Dad Blog:

How many beers does it take to get you happy, how many does it take to get you silly and how many does it take to get you slap my arse?

One, two and wouldn't you like to know.

What's the grossest thing you've ever eaten?

Any form of sushi other than California Rolls. I do give it a fair chance a few times a year, but I just can't get over the slip and slide of raw fish down my throat.

What's the earliest movie you remember watching in the theater?

E.T. and I ran out of the theater crying.

Breana @ UrbanHippieMama:

What one moment or choice in your life have you replayed over and over in your mind, and for what reason?

There are SO many, but one of the more vivid ones was the time my best friend were playing in my backyard, fighting actually. We were about seven. I was so mad at her that I threw her jacket over the fence into the evil neighbor's yard (who we were ALL very afraid of).

I replay that over in my head because it was the first mean-spirited thing I did and I still feel bad for it to this day. It was the start of a long history of REACTING instead of BREATHING and THINKING.

What is your favorite part of your body and why (and a picture would be AWESOME!)?

My money maker, it's always been my best asset - or so I've heard. But I have no photos as I don't typically take pictures of my butt. Must get on that.

What is your very first memory (of your whole life)?

Thinking the bright orange stove top element was pretty and putting my hand on it.

Stacey @ Real World Mom:

How tall are you?

5'2"

Where did you grow up?

In the sticks - about 40 minutes outside of Vancouver - in a house on a cul-de-sac full of 2.5 kids. Suburbia at it's finest.

Do you want to have more kids?

No. Yes. No. Yes. I don't know. Probably no. But I'd love to have a boy. I just don't want to have twins again.

KarenMEG @ A Day in the Life ... one glass at a time:

Are you still friends with any exes?

No. Baby Daddy and I have a no friendly exes policy.

I know you love your girls and life wouldn't be the same without them. But if your life took a different turn and you weren't yet a mom, what would your life likely be like now?

I would be climbing the corporate ladder with a possible Trusteeship and either my CA or CGA. I'd have money coming out of my butt and I'd be living high above the city in a condo and lunching with the yuppies and techies in Yaletown.

I hate to ask this, because I see it happening with myself (argh), but do you see any of your mother in you as you get older?

A little, yeah. I also think it's because we've become much closer since the girls were born.

That said, I'm trying to do many things completely different from her, too.

Kelly @ Home is Where the Mom is:

Would you rather be fat, broke, or lonely??

Broke. I'm already quite good at it, so it's no biggie.

What song would you choose as your autobiography??

What is one thing you really want that you haven't had the nerve to ask for??

Honestly, I don't really want for anything right now. I live a really simple life and I'm okay with that. If there was something I did need or want, I would just go for it.

Eve Grey @ Shut My Mouth:

Do you feel there is anything in life you don't have yet that would make you happier?

Oh boy, loaded question. Is anyone really 100% happy? I don't think so. I've got a nice life, one that I'm happy with. I'm not really sure I could get into all of the things I want without this becoming a novel. Sorry, that answer was lame, I know.

What is one of your strongest childhood memories (good or bad)?

My parents fighting and then divorcing. There is absolutely nothing worse than sitting up in your room hearing your parents yell. I even left my bed and got in the middle of them sometimes.

My Dad tells me that one night I actually said, "Stop being mean to my Daddy!" to my Mom and he left us the next day. It was a good thing though. Life was quite peaceful after that and to this day, my Dad and I have a really strong bond.

Do you want more children & why?

I would love a boy. Little girls are absolutely amazing creatures, but it saddens me sometimes that I will never have a son. Or see the father/son bond.

That said, it's not the right time in my life to have anymore children, but the doors are not closed on the idea.

Katie @ Superflash Photography:

Aside from Vancouver, where do you think is the most beautiful place in Canada? (either that you've traveled to yourself, or that you've read about)

Whistler, British Columbia. It's my favorite place on Earth.

Is your life now as you imagined it would be 5 years ago? 10?

No and no.

Facebook/Myspace/Other social networking: annoying or addictive?

I'm currently on Facebook, Plurk and Twitter and have in the past been with cre8Buzz. I like Facebook when I'm in the mood to check out my old friends and see what the family is up to, but I'm all into Plurk right now and Twitter just infuriates me.

I've quit Facebook at least four times, Twitter four times, Plurk once and cre8Buzz twice.

Social networks kind of make me crazy.

Amanda @ Shamelessly Sassy:

What is your favorite mistake?

Discovering this store and website. It is fabulous and I've handed them over many a paycheck in the past.

Have you ever had a television crush? As a youngster or now?

I have one television crush and it's intense. Bam Margera from MTV's Bam's Unholy Union and the Jackass series.

What was your favorite Super Nintendo game? (Mine was Super Mario, because I'm hood like that.)

I didn't have a Super Nintendo. I was a deprived child with only Nintendo, Sega, Sega Genesis, PlayStation and PlayStation2. My favorite Nintendo game though, was definitely Super Mario and I also loved Marble Madness.

We so ghetto, Assy.

GoMommy @ Ramblings of a 30-Something Mom:

If you could have a "do over", what would you use it on?

School. I love to learn and take in knowledge. I wish I had realized that back in high school, gone onto college and made something amazing of myself.

This may be weird, but- your signature style consists of a hoodie, what kind of shoes do you wear? I see you as a Doc girl...or something as equally badass but functional!

Kicks (runners), I've got a few different pairs of sandals and flip flops right now for summer. But I love kicks to death and if I had money all my own, I would own hundreds of pairs. Something like this:

These are radical because they have VELCRO, people. That is so cool to me, you don't even wanna know...

Do you have an accent (I have a boring flat Midwest one, with a little WV twang), do you speak French?

Contrary to popular belief, not all Canadians say eh and aboot. We say rOOf instead of rUff like you guys and we say pAAsta, not pAHsta. But, I don't really think I have an accent at all.

That said, I find some of my reader's American accents to be really cute. I would link, but I'm lazy. You know who you are! Any blogger I've talked to on the phone is included.

I don't speak French fluently by far, but I know enough to travel to France and be okay.

Alrighty then, that was a lot of questions and answers. Time to take a break and post this thing.

From now on I'll be doing this once a week so we can get to the damn winner already.

Disconnected to Connect

2008-07-01T23:59:00.000-07:00

Did you Step Away From the Computer between 9pm and 10pm last night?

If so, leave a comment explaining a little bit of what you did then take this award for yourself. You guys seriously, majorly rock in every which way.

Note: Feel free to say no comment or something and we'll ALL know what you were up to. Oh, and to my sexually explicit friends - my family reads this blog - keep it clean. You know who you are.

Here it is a little smaller...I have no idea how this stuff works, but want to make it easy for you.

On a separate note, I am totally and completely exhausted and can barely keep my eyes open past 5pm anymore.

I haven't gone to bed before 2am in at least two weeks and that combined with the heatwave that has hit Vancouver, I have nothing more to say right now.

Which is rare for me, I know.

Just wanted to say thank you so much for powering down with me tonight and I'm really looking forward to reading how the experience went for you.

If you've posted (or will post) about the Power Down Hour, let me know in commenting and I'll link you right here.

1. thethirddegree
2. Tara R.
3. MamaWise
4. Sue
5. Tracey
6. maggie
7. MommyTime
8. Dad Speed
9. smoochiefrog
10. adriane
11. Kitty Concerto
12. Miss!

On a final note, if you missed yesterday's post...

READ.

THESE.

BLOGS.

Do it.

Please?

Huckdoll's Hot Blog Picks - July

2008-07-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

It's that time again, friends.

First of the month, time to feature a few bloggers I am seriously in love with and give them the props they deserve.

Changes this month, however.

Instead of featuring eight blogs, I'm doing only three and I highly recommend you getting your asses over to their blogs, subscribe and comment.

A Whole Lot of Nothing

This pretty little mama is just straight golden.

She won't know this until she pops over in the morning but I used to read her blog back in the day and was always too shy to comment...yes, I was a lurker over at A Whole Lot of Nothing for ages. Shut up.

Any time she commented here I was beyond flattered and I can honestly say with passion that she is good people. Not only is she mind blowingly hilarious, but also real ... sometimes raw, even.

Her two little girls are living dolls and I guarantee that if you go back a few posts you will catch a glimpse of the sweetness - her passion for those darlings does not go unnoticed.

That said, I don't consider Angie's blog to be a typical mommy blog and that's one of the reasons why I adore this chick. And she's fun - you get a feel of that the moment you walk in her door.

A shining example of what all bloggers should strive to be, she makes a connection with her readers and makes them feel at home in her hood. I can pretty much guarantee that comment love will not go unnoticed at A Whole Lot of Nothing.

My only regret is that I waited so long to connect with this fabulous girl and I hope we're friends for a very long time.

Now, go read her, leave some comment love and tell her Huckdoll sent you. I'll wait...

Also, be sure to check out her online children's store, Good for the Kids.

Hell yea, I pimp my friends...got a problem?

Maggie's Mind

Maggie was a gem of a find to me and another funny chick. On occasion, she's even made me cry with her beautiful words and thoughts.

For as long back as I can remember she's always been a dedicated and true commentator on my blog - through all the thicks and thins.

Her comment love is like crack and I insist you head over and get yourself seen by this woman - she's just pure awesomeness.

Maggie's Haiku Fridays are simply amazing - I've quite honestly never seen a haiku master quite like her - I for one cannot do a 5/7/5 for the life of me - but she spins amazing stories from her life into those Friday posts.

Mad haiku skills, yo. Mad.

In short, Maggie is a total doll and I very much hope to meet her one day, get drunk and drop f-bombs together over drinks.

Go. Subscribe and spread that comment love you're all so good at! I guarantee that you'll definitely feel very much at home in Maggie's Mind in no time.

Manager Mom

Manager Mom is a new find for me and though I've only read her blog a handful of times, I knew from Day One that this chick was nothing short of fabulous.

She's made me laugh out loud (not easy) each time I've popped in and is another example of a blogger I strive to be.

From what I've personally seen from this girl, she connects with her commentators in a way that makes you feel as if she truly appreciates your readership and that my friends, is the secret to a successful blog.

Manager Mom IS a very successful blog. You wouldn't except such a hands-on, involved feeling from blogger with so much traffic.

Again, fabulous and funny. What's not to adore?

Go and read...I guarantee you, you'll be hooked and subscribed within minutes - if you can stop laughing long enough, that is.

So there you have it.

Three amazing woman that I simply adore and want you to check out.

Wondering how you can get in on Huckdoll's Hot Blog Picks?

Well, take these suggestions and roll with them. Get to know these ladies because they're beautiful people with a lot to say to the world and all have a very classy way with blogging practices.

You will not be disappointed and that's a Huckdoll promise.

Plus, if I see you around on those three blogs, I'll most likely read you more often, in turn putting you in the running for a spot next month.

And remember to just shine and be true to yourself.

Reminder:

Tonight is power down night at 9pm.

I expect each and every one of you who signed up to submit a little blurb in comments (in a new post) later on tonight or tomorrow in order to get your seriously fly blog bling award.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about please read yesterday's post (yes, I wrote two days in a row - WHAT is this world coming to?) and get learned.

Sign up and join at least 40 of us in powering down tonight between the hours of 9 and 10 to reconnect with our loved ones and ourselves.

Step Away From The Computer Hour

2008-06-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

"Huckdoll has potential but is too social"

"Huckdoll talks too much"

"Huckdoll is a smart girl but lacks focus"

All excerpts from report cards throughout the school years...story of my life, people.

Every year when the new school year started I'd get stoked. Fresh starts and supplies, a chance to finally use all of that "potential" and perhaps get a B.

But no. I think I had one B in my life and that was in Drama, ha. Me dramatic? Never.

Anyway, the year would start and I'd try so hard not to talk, but I'd get suckered in. A note would land in my hands saying so and so thinks you're cute...and that was it.

I have been yelled at for talking, sent to the hallway, been forced to write, "I will not talk when the teacher is talking," one hundred times on the blackboard. I've been in after school detentions and forced to scrape gum off the undersides of desks.

I was a social person. I am a social person.

Meet me, the Gemini...

Characteristics considered positive

* Active
* Adaptable
* Articulate
* Communicative
* Inquisitive
* Intellectual
* Charming
* Multitasking
* Nimble
* Entertaining
* Upbeat
* Whimsical
* Witty
* Straight-forward
* Social
* Talkative
* Open-minded
* Experimental
* Joyful
* Enthusiastic
* Attention-loving
* Energetic
* Playful
* Out-going
* Adventurous
* Broad-minded
* Mind oriented
* Spontaneous
* Verbal
* Risk-taking
* Friendly
* Dynamic
* Youthful
* Clever
* Imaginative

Characteristics considered negative

* dualistic
* self-interested
* restless
* impulsive
* over-talkative
* over-stimulated
* fickle / inconsistent
* vain
* critical
* too playful
* playing of mind games
* boastful
* ego-oriented
* devious
* tricky
* too curious
* temperamental
* insensitive
* mercurial
* indecisive

As you can see, it's completely in my nature to socialize. To fight it would be pointless.

People gasp when they hear I started this blog in November and I'm fine with admitting I socialized my way to many of your hearts. I adore getting to know my readers on a more personal level via networking and I've really used my gift of schmooze to get me where I am today.

I am not ashamed about that.

The relationships I've formed with some of you are lifelong. The bonds and connections are unbreakable - you are my friends for life, like it or not.

But while I've been forming these amazing friendships, I've been neglecting a lot of things. My home and my real life relationships, to name a few. When the girls go to bed it's laptop open and the hours slip away through my fingers.

It's not okay anymore.

In the past couple of days I've learned that relationships - especially marriages - need to be nurtured and tended to. One cannot become so comfortable with internet activities that they forget their spouses. Online friends are indeed amazing and in may cases richer and deeper than real life friendships but they are not real real.

What's real real are those who sit at your dinner table. THOSE are the people that will be there when the internet goes offline or the power goes out and I think many of us take that for granted. At least I do sometimes.

It's just so damn easy to be too tired to do anything but sit and type sometimes. I get it. I am that person.

I remember one time a few months back, the power went out and Baby Daddy and I actually spent the entire night talking by candlelight - it was very romantic and fun. We spent much of it outside on the patio, talking and drinking wine and it very much brought me back to a place before blogging and buzzing and plurking and tweeting.

This coming Tuesday evening, I double dog dare you to shut off your computers and TVs for one hour and do something.

Put you kids to bed early, make love to your husband or wife, eat a special dinner by candlelight, grab a glass of wine and sit out on the patio or stoop and hold hands.

Be happy and not resentful. Recall the sparks and fall for eachother again - even if for one minute.

If you are single or without spouse for the hour, read a book, take a bath, take a walk around your neighbourhood or just plain pamper yourself.

Just turn the fucking computer, TV, Blackberry and cellphone OFF goddammit.

For the love of Huckdoll, just do it. Power down, friends.

Then at 10pm OR the next day, put it all in perspective for me.

I'll post a follow-up on Tuesday night with a blog bling award and link love for all of you that participated. Tell me in comments what you did during the hour (if it is G-rated).

I want to feel the love, people.

I want to know that it's not all about the internet and that you're all able and willing to just put your hands in the air and back away from the keyboards and remotes for just one hour.

Also, feel free to make this a project on your own blogs in the next day or two and tell them Huckdoll said.

Tuesday, July 1 @ 9pm

Step Away From The Computer (TV, Blackberry, Cellphone) Hour

Comment now to participate and the link love will commence!

Participants:

1. Huckdoll
2. tracey
3. lilacspecs
4. veronica
5. jessica
6. hockeyman
7. lceel
8. lunanik
9. awholelotofnothing
10. mamawise
11. quiltcetera
12. a buns life
13. ashley
14. zoeyjane
15. eve grey
16. thethirddegree
17. maggiesmind
18. immoral matriarch
19. ramblin' red
20. bossanders
21. honeybell
22. dysfunctional mom
23. manager mom
24. weaselmomma
25. vixbil
26. audubon ron
27. adriane
28. MommyTime
29. kittyconcerto.com
30. sue
31. ohmommy
32. ricardo
33. drowsey monkey
34. J
35. sogeshirtsguy
36. lisa
37. tara r.
38. suze
39. diana
40. laskigal
41. Kelley
42. Miss
43. Smmochiefrog
44. Our Crooked Tree
45. Shamelessly Sassy
46. Secret Agent Mama

If you aren't on this link list and should be, please let me know in comments.

Huckdoll's Hood In Living Colour

2008-06-26T01:29:00.000-07:00

Those who know me well and even some of my readers know how much we despise living in the suburbs.

Our goal for this summer was to get back to the city and raise our daughters in the place I'm so head over heels in love with, Vancouver.

I've declared my love for the city. I very much want to marry it and have it's babies with no thought at all to the cost of living there.

Vancouver is positively the most beautiful place on Earth. Some of the best years of my life were spent there until Baby Daddy and I got pregnant with twins and had to move closer to our families for the support.

I had a real hate on for the 'burbs for a long time.

All winter, come to think of it. This may seem beautiful and it was, but this snow is a fluke...mostly we get rain and more rain here at sea level.

But then the ice melted off the lake...

The sun started shining...

The spray in the water park turned on...

The brand new playground opened up...

The soft white sand on the volleyball courts dried out...

The skater boys set up music for the entire area to listen to...

Basketball and ball hockey games were in full session...

And I was like, DAMN...

This suburban hell isn't too bad after all.

So, with the sun kissing my shoulders and a smile on my face, I took pictures to show you all just how freaking beautiful my neck of the woods is.

While it's not exactly Vancouver...

It's very nice, no?

Owned

2008-06-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

In the summer before tenth grade I packed my bags and left my childhood home to live with my Dad.

When school started that September, I made him drive me 20 minutes out of his way to school every morning and eventually decided two weeks in, that I'd switch to the neighbourhood high school.

So very awkward showing up at a brand new junior high school. So much more awkward showing up on the 16th day. I still cringe when I think about the reaction and looks from my new peers...the navigation of so many new things and people.

However, it was "arranged" by a couple of my girlfriends at my old school for a boy to greet me and make me feel at home...and that he did.

He was older and very handsome and I fell for him. Brown eyes, eyebrow piercing, tattoos, Zeppelin lover - so not my type, but that has always been my thing. We used to talk on the phone into the wee hours with D'yer Maker playing in sync in our bedrooms - he was the first guy I ever kissed and truly felt lovey-dovey with.

The short-lived relationship brought me instant popularity...without even talking.

The girls giving me the evil eye on day one were literally flocking to know more about me.

Where did you come from? Who are you anyway? Want to come out with us on Friday night?

You are so tiny. You are so pretty. You weigh nothing...I'm like, so jealous.

It was then I learned that nothing mattered other than how I looked.

I starved myself to be skinny - it worked and I kept doing it until one day I fainted in the hallway and woke up in a darkened room.

Voices outside the hallway spoke my name...I heard "anorexia"...I heard help, counseling, parents.

For the rest of the year I attended weekly therapy and dietary counseling, but I still had no interest in eating at all. It's not that I hated food, I just wanted nothing to do with it.

Starving became really easy after those first few days.

Forget that I couldn't walk up the hill to school without nearly collapsing - the guys picked me up over their shoulders effortlessly and the girls oooh'd and ahhh'd over my skinny wrists and waist.

A few months later tattoo'd, pierced guy and I broke up and I was a free agent.

Without even trying, I was transported into the most popular group in school...they were all pretty, handsome and rich.

Three guys instantly started this weird, silent battle for me which ended with me "going out" with one of them and unsaid - but acted on - hurt feelings between a group of childhood best friends.

I was in that relationship for the duration of my high school years until adulthood, ages 15 through 21.

I was always well liked, always adored by the guy friends, but respected (thanks to the boyfriend) and had girls wanting to be friends even though I only let a few of them in here and there.

Throughout high school and beyond I smoked pot a lot, I didn't do sports or drama, I hated being in class and learning.

Basically, I wandered around and sold weed for my boyfriend at lunch time, smoked the profits and looked pretty. But that made me cool is some bizarre way.

I had no substance, nothing like the Huckdoll you all know. During parties and whatnot I'd turn on this weird, fake, gossip-like attitude to mix in with the girls, but I rarely said anything. If ever.

The only time I really talked was when I was sitting on the hood of a car in a circle of potheads passing a joint around. Still, it was just stoner talk - nothing of significance other than planning a Harold and Kumar-like road trip to White Castle or the newest flavour of Doritos.

Looking back now, I know in my heart that if I wasn't blond and tiny with a tight little body that life wouldn't have been so easy.

I drifted by effortlessly in high school on basically zero personality, no social or academic skills and on the coat tails of a popular, well-liked boyfriend.

Because I was cute. Period.

After the break up with him, I lost everything. I had no social life, next to no friends, no car, no job. Nothing.

He was my everything. He basically owned me.

I had no choice but to rebuild my entire life and create myself. So I did.

And this Huckdoll monster was born...

On occasion I will see "friends" from the past in the mall or on Facebook or whatever and they will say one of three things:

1. You are so different.

2. I always thought you were a snob.

3. You never talked! I always thought you were shy.

My point here is that I wasted my entire high school and early adulthood years being nothing more than a trophy. Don't get me wrong, it was a good relationship for the most part - I was treated like a princess and wanted for nothing.

But all that mattered in my mind was physical perfection and objects. Looking back now, I see all of the amazing things I could have done and people I could have met and have regrets.

That said, blogging has connected me with so many amazingly smart and beautiful people...it's like a second chance to meet new friends with an open mind and heart and I feel very fortunate.

But, I want so much more for these girls than what I made of myself those years. I want them to be more like I am now, rather than what I was.

Strong, confident, outspoken and self-assured. Owned by no one.

These precious things are smart, funny, charming and beautiful on the inside and out.

I probably was as a little girl, too.

I just hope that I can guide them in the right direction to not wait 21 years to create themselves like their mom did.

Self-Esteem is Worth Sharing

2008-06-20T00:39:00.000-07:00

I am a woman who has struggled with self-esteem issues for as long as I can remember.

To be honest, I suffer with these issues - especially related to my appearance as I age - more now then ever before.

But age has also brought a certain calm and respect; an inner confidence that outshines the hundreds of flaws I see on the outside.

I've finally realized that the people who matter in my life don't love me because I can button up a size 6 pair of jeans.

They would still love me in a size 12.

They don't love me because my highlights cost close to two hundred dollars.

They would love me if my hair fell out in clumps.

The love me when I'm wearing baggy gray sweats or pajama pants.

Put me in a dress and heels and they won't love me more.

I am 29 years old and I finally realize these things.

But imagine being 13...15...18 in this day in age. There are so many more pressures to be perfect now - we can't even begin to fathom what girls are going through today.

Dove is bringing it to light for us.

I urge you to take a closer look at what this company is trying to do for our girls and women in general.

Over the next few days I'll be posting short films from the campaign. I hope you'll find a moment to take a peek and start thinking about what you can do now to prepare your young daughter for the future.

A Girl's Self Esteem

When Vegetables Attack

2008-06-17T01:31:00.000-07:00

A public service announcement:

Shucking corn can be hazardous to your health.

This literally gushed blood for over an hour.

Yes, I was peeling corn on the cob and now I am scarred for life.

When we finally got it under control and applied a bandage, it decided to gush for another ten minutes, foiling all of my plans for a well-planned Father's Day dinner.

I should have had a stitch or two, but what do you say at the hospital...?

Huckdoll: Hi! Yeah, listen ... I cut myself on corn, can I get a stitch, please?

Nurses: Bwahahahah, lol, rotflmao, heehee, snicker, snort.

I fail.

Corn season is here, warn your friends and family.

Update:

Girlfriends + wine + vodka + fun + no boys till 11pm = falling off the butt-out wagon.

Excuse me while I climb back up.

Baby Daddy

2008-06-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

I remember your goal in life

To have a Corvette by the time you turned 25

You were 24 years old when we found out we were pregnant with twin girls

Life as we knew it changed forever

And you embraced it

They fell asleep on you

Something I could never get them to do on me

But just like I used to do on you all the time

It's the steady, slow sound of your heart beat

It's soothing and strong

You are our calm and peace

You are our knight in shining armour

You are our one true love

Every morning after you give them hugs and kisses and nose kisses and leave for work

They gaze out the window and watch you walk away

"Daddy working, mama?"

Though you work ridiculously hard and long hours

You always manage to make a huge impression on them in the time you do have

There is no other man in this world I would have wanted to do this with

The way the girls look at you

And adore you

And smile at you

And laugh for you

Like no other

Those things are reserved for you and only you

Their Daddy

You've put their needs and mine way ahead of your own

For almost 3 years now

So today

It's about you and no one else

We love you