Essence of Negligence

Book 7 Mania - SPOILERS AHEAD

2007-08-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

Those of you weirdos who haven't finished the book, be warned! Here be spoilers. Welcome to the post-Book 7 post! This might all be a little random and disjointed, but here are some of my thoughts.

Working backwards here, but I really liked the epilogue. I know we all wanted every single little detail, but that seems unrealistic and silly. The epilogue did a great job - I thought - at giving us just enough of a glimpse into the characters' lives to see that they end up happy. And I think the sort of normalcy of it underscored the significance of Harry's choice: he chose to have the relatively normal, loving family that he'd always wanted, rather than taking off with the Elder wand. It brings it back to what Dumbledore tells him after the "dies," about how so few people have looked into the Mirror or Erised and seen something so pure as what Harry saw. So it's kind of funny that some people have complained that the epilogue is boring - isn't that what Harry wanted?

The entire book was great, but a couple of quotations that I especially loved. Among them:
1. "NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!" (Mrs. Weasley)
2. "Really gives a feeling for the scope and tragedy of the thing, doesn't it?" (Ron)
3. "So why in the name of Merlin's saggy left --" (Ron). (I assume that the omitted word is "testicle." Am I wrong? Is there a more appropriate, but less funny, noun that also fits? Because I think that "Merlin's saggy left testicle" might be my new swear phrase.)
4. "'Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?' Harry interrupted again.
'So he can sneak up on people,' said Ron. 'Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking . . . '"
5. Also - this isn't a quotation in the same way - but I loved "Here lies Dobby, a free elf."

I loved the way that the situation with Snape played out. One thing that's so great about the books is that, from the very beginning, all of the characters have been flawed, including the adults. Everyone loves a good anti-hero, and I think that's why we all love Snape, even with all his imperfections. Which brings me to another point, how I liked really seeing, at the end, what Dumbledore meant about how love is more powerful than any magic. And how Voldemort was blind to that fact, how he never realized that abusing Draco would cause the Malfoys to betray him.

Also . . . Alia and I bounced this around a little, so I'll go ahead and put evidence of our nerdiness on the web. People, do we think it's possible that Harry and Ginny's little excursions at the end of Book 6 might have gone a little farther than we'd previously suspected? Just take a look, for example, at pages 89-90.

In non-Harry Potter news, I just wanted to say a special hello to Jessa!! Congrats honey!

A Brief Digression

2007-07-18T14:22:00.000-07:00

I know I said I'd be posting about Harry Potter, but indulge me in this extremely brief vent. The Bar Exam is in a week and, obviously, it's taking up like 95% of my time. I've been doing a lot of practice multiple choice questions, and I'd like to comment on something that I find extremely annoying -- the use of names in the practice questions.

Here's the thing: if you need to name some people for a hypothetical ("Jane and Doe are riding their bikes when Bob, who is driving negligently, strikes Jane with his car") it is nice to use names that are (1) easy to remember and (2) easily identifiable as male or female. Because if "Griddle, Ozarka, and Blue" are involved in a conspiracy and then all of a sudden "she decides to confess" I HAVE NO BLOODY IDEA WHO YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. Is "Griddle" a woman's name? Or Ozarka? Blue? Seriously, it's super confusing and it annoys me that I have to spend time just figuring out who is who, when I should be figuring out who is liable.

Here are some of the actual names used in some of the practice questions:
1. Aiken, Bacon & Cogg
2. Panda
3. Menachem
4. Rogan Josh (yes, this is the name of an Indian food)
5. Orizaba
6. Biddlebaum

Things unknown . . . .

2007-07-18T00:55:00.001-07:00

Okay, anonymous poster's theory (see Comment to previous post) would tie up a LOT of loose ends, but here are some others that I think are interesting:

1. JK has said that it's very important that Harry has his mother's eyes. No idea yet what that could be about. She also said that Lily's wand was especially good for charms.

2. JK has said one important question no one has asked is why Dumbledore had James' invisibility cloak. Was D there the night Harry's parents died??

3. What was with the "gleam of triumph" in D's eyes when Voldie was able to touch Harry without being burned? My guess is that this indicated Voldie had become more human/killable.

4. There was one character that was going to be cut from Movie 5, but JK advised that doing so might create problems for later movies. If you've seen Movie 5, you know that Kreacher is in the movie, but he has no part of the plotline, so everyone is guessing that JK was talking about him. What will Kreacher do in Book 7? I'm wondering if maybe he'll help them find the locket.

5. What will become of Percy?

6. This relates to the Snape-is-connected-to-Lily thing, but why would Voldie have spared Lily?

There's a full list of open questions listed on Mugglenet.

Just for Dean - will Harry survive?

2007-07-17T00:34:00.000-07:00

Oh, the speculation! Will poor Harry lose his own life in the fight against Voldie? People seem pretty split on this issue; I'd say at least a third of the HP readers think Harry is going to die. Dan Radcliffe has even said that he hopes Harry dies. And that when he dies, he's naked. And cuddling with a horse.

All that aside, I'm pretty skeptical. Again, not putting it past JK, but it just doesn't make sense. People keep saying that this is a "christ-story" as evidence that Harry will die, but I don't find HP to have nearly as much connection with Christian imagery and metaphor as many other books. And even many blatant christ-stories don't include the death of the savior. Case in point: Aragorn, LotR. He's tested, he has to sacrifice, but he lives through the book and gets to boink Liv Tyler. What I mean is that there are many ways to tell a story about a prophesised redeemer, and many of the ones we're familiar with don't include the hero being killed.

But my real skepticism comes from something much more technical. Throughout the novels, we only see what Harry sees - with 2 exceptions. (1) The interaction between the human and magical ministers (2) Snape's conversation with Bellatrix and Narcissa. Aside from thos conversations, we have no insight beyond what Harry experiences. If you're writing a book that's almost a first-person narrative without actually being in first-person, what do you write when the character dies. Would JK just switch to a more omniscient voice in the final chapters? Wouldn't that be obvious and annoying? Would she write a bunch of Book 7 like that? It wouldn't seem to flow very well with the other 6 books, would it. Technically, I can't think of a good way to make that work (which certainly doesn't say much.) Maybe have the very last words of the next-to-final chapter be Harry's dying thoughts? (JK has said that the very last chapter is sort of a prologue with info about what happens in the lives of the characters in future years.)

I think what's most likely is that Harry will have to sacrifice something really, really big. Ginny? Ron? Or maybe something we haven't even thought of. Regardless, let's all keep out fingers crossed that I'm right, and that Harry defeats Voldemort, marries Ginny, and everyone lives happily ever after.

Harry Potter Countdown: 5 days to go

2007-07-16T00:55:00.000-07:00

Theory #1: Ron will die.

I know that would totally suck, but it kind of makes sense. JK is pretty good at foreshadowing, and I can't help but think about the first Harry-Voldie confrontation. The way it played out was that Ron sacrificed himself so that Harry could go on, and circumstances prevented Hermione from taking the final step with Harry. That exchange does seem to kind of define the relationship between them. So I wouldn't be surprised if Ron dies, Hermione for some reason can't go on, and - I think - Harry will have to do the final killing of Voldie without either of them.

Theory #2: Snape is somehow connected to Lily Potter.

This has been pretty played out on the net, but I think it makes sense. Dumbledore told Harry that after Snape realized the prophesy meant Voldie would go after the Potters, he tried to fix things and ended up betraying the Death Eaters. Why would Snape give a rat's ass if Lily and James got killed? We know he hated James. But the memory in the Penseive (the sort of put on aloofness between Lily and Snape) is good evidence that there's some connection. Are they related? Was Snape in love with Lily? Who knows. Also notice (if you're re-reading this week) that when Harry questioned D about Snape's allegiance, D seemed to be considering something before re-affirming that Snape is a good guy. Perhaps he was considering whether or not to let Harry in on his mother's connection with Snape

Theory #3: Hagrid will die.

I have no basis for this in anything. Just a gut feeling.

Theory #4: Fawkes will somehow help Harry on his journey/ Harry is the heir of Gryffindor.

I guess these are two separate issues but - hey! - it's my blog. The heir if Gryffindor idea is also tossed around the net a lot, and while it might seem too obvious it certainly would make sense.

Theory #5: Neville was present when Harry's parents were killed.

Here's the thing. We know Nev's parents were powerful, very strong wizards. This seems to lead to strong wizard children. Nev is extremely forgetful, and JK has casually thrown in the fact that an overly powerful memory charm can permanently damage a person's abilities, notably their memory. Note also that Nev can see thestrals, and when asked who he's seen die he very evasively answers that he's seen his grandfather die (or was it his uncle?). Even if Voldie, after hearing the beginning of the prohesy, felt it more likely that Harry was his nemesis, you'd think he would at least plan to kill both babies, just to be safe. Why not grab Neville and then head on over to the Potters? The only kink in this theory is that witnessing death as a baby doesn't seem to be "witnessing death" in the way that gives rise to thestral-seeing. Although JK herself has said that it's about when you see death and it "sinks in."

Theory #6: Each book has had Harry coming into contact with one of the six horcruxes.

There are six horcruxes for the first 6 books, and already we can pin down that in three of the six books, Harry comes into contact with a horcrux --
Book 1: ??
Book 2: the diary.
Book 3: ??
Book 4: Nagini
Book 5: the locket
Book 6: the ring
Book 7: The part that is Voldie?
So the guess is that the cup and the unknown something-of-Gryffindor-or-Ravenclaw are in Books 1 and 3.

More tomorrow - what are your theories?

Farewell, feathered friend

2007-04-13T22:59:00.000-07:00

So much has been said/written about the ridiculousness that is the Western media that there's pretty much nothing I can add. So I usually make my smartass comments on the news to myself. Or, you know, over a frosty Dr. Pepper with my pal Jon Stewart. I have, however, often mentioned my love-hate relationship with CNN.com. I love it because it's hysterical, in that so-screwed-up-it's-funny kinda way. "The Iraqi Parliament got bombed but the main stories are Imus getting fired and something else about Anna Nicole Smith's baby?? Those crazies at CNN!" On the other hand, I hate it for the same reasons. But, I do read CNN.com daily, along with a couple other news sites.

Despite my attempt at keeping mum, I have to comment on this story. In case clicking on the hyperlink is too much effort (how lazy! ugly baby judges you!) I'll give you the recap: Dick Cheney's plane hit a bird but everyone was okay. That's it. That's the entire story. So I ask you: why was this a link off of CNN's homepage? Is there really nothing else going on in the world? Furthermore, most of the story has nothing to do with the bird. Let me share with you a highlite from this gem of journalistic expression:

"Cheney posed for pictures with little girls while Liz Cheney secured a doll with a Western cowboy hat and get-up."

Ummm . . . . ooookay. That's . . . . good to know? Mildly entertaining? What? What am I supposed to be getting from this, CNN? Because what I'm getting is that, somewhere, there's a lower level CNN.com writer with a wicked sense of humor who enjoys making a mockery of the ridiculous assignments he or she is given. (Note to self: make friends with this person).

I also love this comment from Cheney's people:

"A bird hit the right engine of the plane upon landing . . . . He was told after he delivered his remarks."

I love love LOVE that, apparently, Cheney's people weren't sure how to tell him that his plane killed a bird. "Oh, poor Dick. He's going to be so devastated! I mean, it was just an innocent bird - oh, how are we going to tell him! He won't be able to handle this! Wait - I know! We'll just wait to tell him until after he makes his speech. That way he won't start crying in the middle of the big event! Whew. Glad we dodged that bullet."

i carry your heart

2007-04-03T12:28:00.000-07:00

It feels strange being almost done with law school. As fellow law students and former law students know, your first two years or so are pretty good at narrowing your vision. It's hard to see past the next semester's final exams, or the upcoming set of interviews, let alone think about being done altogether. And then, all of a sudden, it's the beginning of April and you have less than six weeks left of the bizarre experience that is law school.

I have two good friends planning to start law school in the Fall, and it's funny to see them at the beginning of the process. They're both very excited. I remember that. During your first month of law school, the excitement is gradually replaced with terror. And sleepiness. And lots and lots of coffee.

I'm not going to wax poetic here about the entire experience, the pros and cons and the things I learned. But, surprisingly, finishing law school isn't turning out to be the glorious relief that every 2L waits for. All of a sudden it's hitting me that most of my friends from law school are leaving, and not in the moving-to-dallas-and-i'll-visit-often way. They're going away to semi-distant lands. Taking bar exams in other states, even. A number of my closest non-law school friends might be leaving as well. I love living in Austin, and being here is right for Matt and me, but it sucks when you have to make a new group of friends every four years or so as old friends leave town. For me it seems to be the girls that always leave. And don't get me wrong - I love my male friends, and I feel extremely blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. But who will I call when Nordstrom's has a shoe sale? Or when I hear a great name for my future hypothetical offspring?

I know that even if everyone who might possibly leave Austin in the next six months ends up leaving, there'll still be new friends to make. And there will be vacations to visit each other, and weekends trips, conferences, and all the other opportunities for spending time with the people I care about. But my friends are precious to me. I don't think there's anyone in the world who has girlfriends and wonderful as I do, and it hurts my heart to anticipate the void that will be in my life when this group of them moves away.

This week my two best friends from high school and I have been emailing each other on and off. One is already far away and the other is one who'll be moving elsewhere in Texas very soon. When we graduated from high school, I never had any doubt that the three of us would stay in touch. And I feel the same way about my other close girlfriends. We'll stay close, we'll laugh across phone lines, and relationships will evolve. But right now the idea of it just feels a little lonely. The past three years have been full of surprises, but the most wonderful surprise was the friends who've been there for me throughout law school.

Recently I saw a sappy chick-flick type of movie, the kind that I normally avoid, and I got another surprise when I started crying at the end. The movie is about sisters, and it very effectively used one of my favorite E.E. Cummings poems to expain the relationship between the sisters. And I thought of my friends, and how much I love them. I carry their hearts with me (I carry them in my heart.)

Open Letter to Various Celebrities

2007-01-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

To Whom it May Concern:

I hesitated about writing this post. You people already get enough attention, usually for stupid things like having fender benders or buying new breasts, and I don't like to contribute to that nonsensical and wasteful aspect of American culture. However, some of these things have to be said. I can't keep pretending. I cannot stay silent anymore, various celebrities! Here goes:

(1) To LeVar Burton: How is it that you aren't aging? Seriously, I saw an episode of Reading Rainbow a few weeks ago, and your skin is so smooth it looks like marble. Are you getting botox? Is it genetic? Or, is Matt right, and you've used your visor and the transporter to create an anti-aging device? What's the secret??

(2) To Dan Radcliffe: Dan . . . . dear, sweet Dan. You're adorable as Harry Potter, but . . . what is this? And this? And this? I get that you're in a play (a fairly well-known, but odd, play) and that you're trying to make Serious Actor career moves. I guess I respect that. But I have to say, I never thought I'd be afraid to look at a picture of you because I might end up seeing Harry's magic wand, if you know what I mean.

Thank you for your time,

R

Open Letter to Sorority Girls in Mittens

2006-12-19T06:16:00.000-08:00

To Whom it May Concern,

Good morning. Are we all having a good day? Good, because there's something we need to talk about. I realize we've discussed this before, but apparently I didn't do a very good job of getting my point across.

I saw you this morning on my way to a final. At first I thought there was only one of you, but then over and over again I saw tiny blondes wearing mittens or gloves. Sometimes you even travelled in packs, like some strange, colorful-pawed specie. I'm not dissing your mittens. They're very nice - J. Crew, I think? I would even wear them myself on the right day. But . . . let me be very clear about this . . . it isn't cold today. Not even a little. What is it outside, 70 degrees? Lowest, 65? Since when does this qualify as mitten weather??

I know that weather in Texas can be pretty confusing, can't it? One day it's freezing, the next day it's warm and sunny, the next day it's pouring rain. And I can see how one might expect the weather in December to be at least somewhat chilly. How is a girl to know right from wrong, up from down?

The answer, of course, is simple: WATCH THE WEATHER NEWS ON TV. LOOK IT UP ON YAHOO. What, is the electricity down at the phi kappa gamma slutta house, rendering you unable to figure out if you should go to your final in a bikini or a snowsuit? Do you suffer from a crippling fear of leaving the house without mascara, so that you are too scared to even stick your head outside to set the temperature? OR, perhaps you did one of these things, assessed the weather, put on a reasonable outfit, but then had to account for the bad case of "freezing extremititis" that's currently afflicting you and your co-greeks?

Truly, Sorority Girl in Mittens, I'm at a loss. I myself am in a long-sleeves shirt and jeans, and feel quit comfortable. I just can't handle seeing too many more of you. Even if all of you have some medical reason for this atrocity, there has to be a better way. There just has to be. Because right now, you look like asstards. And you're making me question my sanity.

Yours,

R

Time to play the Feud

2006-10-05T00:38:00.000-07:00

Incredible as it may seem, there is something dumber than going on the show Family Feud, and answering the question "Name a word that rhymes with 'coke'" with "float":

Going on Family Fued, letting your partner give that first stupid answer, and then, when it's your turn, answering with "moke."

Good gracious. I think this almost tops the episode where a woman answered the question "Name something you find in a birdcage" with "HAMSTER!!"

Glacier-esque

2006-10-03T11:06:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness I wore an almost-sweater, because it's about 50 degrees in the law school right now. My fingernails are turning blue. I think my teeth might even be chattering.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment to go ice fishing.

Nerd Love

2006-09-05T14:29:00.000-07:00

R: And he had a son remember? Alex?
M: Oh, yeah . . . . the kid with the terrible make-up job who didn't even look right.
R: Maybe that was on purpose. Alex was only 3/4 Klingon because Worf's baby-momma was half human.
M: I can't believe you know that.
R: You know what's really weird though? Worf was on Deep Space Nine later, and I don't remember him having Alex with him or ever mentioning Alex. Maybe he went back to Earth to continue being raised by Worf's human parents.
M: Excuse me?
R: Worf was partially raised on Earth. There was this whole big thing where people thought his dad was a traitor and he was like, expelled from Klingon society or something. Why are you laughing?
M: You were just making fun of someone for knowing the name of the Klingon weapon and now you're telling me Worf's life history!
R: Shut up!
M: You're such a nerd.
R: It was important to the show! Worf was raised by humans and then after his woman got killed his human parents raised Alex for awhile!
M: You don't know what you're talking about.
R: Why are you debating me on this? You're just trying to make me mad! Alex was raised on Earth!
M: That's only so Worf wouldn't eat him.
R: Oh, so Klingons eat their childen now!?
M: . . . If they misbehave.

While searching for a spot

2006-08-06T10:23:00.000-07:00

Act One - 10:47 pm

R: Hey, do you see who that is?
M: Where?
R: Don't be obvious, but Jennifer Gale is sitting at the bus stop right outside my window.
M: Really?
R: Just look!
M: Oh yeah, that is her, isn't it?
R: Yep. Hey, take a right here and we'll check on Red River.

Act Two - 10:54 pm

R: Crap. Well, let's loop back around and grab that spot near 12th.
M: But then we'll have to drive past Jennifer Gale again.
R: And?
M: Don't you think she'll think it's weird if we keep driving past her?
R: Okay, we've lived in Austin waaaay too long if you're worried that Jennifer Gale might think we're weird just because we're driving past her in order to find parking. Seriously.
M: Touche.

FOUR DAYS PEOPLE

2006-07-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

After three years in the same apartment, Matt and I will be moving to a bigger place. On Friday. As in, five days from now. But we're moving Friday morning, so it's more like four days from now. Pardon me while I have a momentary spaz attack.

*Spazzes*

Thanks, I feel better. Actually, I'm much less freaked than I anticipated. Saturday we went to the new place to make sure everything was correct on our lease, and to view our apartment. At Matt & my current complex, one of my biggest complaints is that no one in the office staff ever seems to know what's going on. At this place, they not only had our paperwork ready and were super-helpful, they actually remembered who we were and had taken care of everything we'd asked them to. Just to serve as a reference point, last year we had to call our current apartment complex at least three times to remind them to draw up our lease renewal. And when we finally went to sign it, a bunch of stuff was wrong and they had to do it again.

After checking on a few things and talking to the assistant manager, she handed us a set of keys and told us to go check out our new place. The first thing we did - I'm not making this us - is check out the air conditioning. The main reason that we didn't consider getting a bigger unit in our current complex is because it has, to quote a City of Austin employee with the city's energy conservation project, "One of the worst, least efficient A/C infrastructures of any apartment complex in Austin." I kid you not. If I told you what our A/C bills were for our apartment, you would think I was joking. Last month our electric bill was sixty dollars higher than my brother's, and he lives in a 2-2. And in the really hot summer weeks, we really can't get our apartment cooler than 76 degrees until it gets dark. So suffice it to say, energy efficiency was a HUGE factor in our decision to move and I was worried that our new apartment would have the same problems.

We were in the new place for no more than 15 minutes and, in that time, the A/C cooled the whole apartment down from 82 degrees to 75 degrees. Matt practically had to stop me from kissing our updated, digital thermostat. The apartment also had new, energy-efficient windows, new carpet and paint, and new wood flooring in the kitchen and bathroom.

Do I sound a little excited? That's because I am. Our current place has been good to us, but it's time to move. Four days people. Four days.

The Happy Graduate

2006-06-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

In case some of you were not aware, Rafaan likes plaid shorts. A lot. Perhaps more than a man should like such a thing. We love you Rafaan - happy graduation!

And, no, the "old people" were not "using your party as an excuse to hang out." My brother, however, was using your party as an excuse to give you a pair of women's shorts. Even though he tried them on at the store, I'm begging you not to do the same thing. Unless you're willing to send us some pictures.

More from Rafaan's party.

Playoffs

2006-06-12T10:55:00.000-07:00

These days I've been thinking a lot about my good friend and former roommate Nas, and how, right as her beloved Mavs have made it ot the playoffs for the first time in history, she's in India for an internship. I guess that's what Tevo is for.

I've also been thinking about Shaquille O'neal and his foray into law enforcement. Apparently he's somehow found the time to participate in some actual cop-related work by assisting in the arrests of some child pornographers. Personally, if I was getting arrested for being a complete pervert, I would totally want the arresting officer to be Shaquille O'neal. Although it might be kind of terrifying since he's like nine feet tall.

Also, when the hell did he find the time to get trained to do this?? He travels all the time for basketball and events and stuff, and he and his teeny-tiny wife have like six young kids. I think he really must be a magic genie, like in that terrible movie . . . .

You know it's Friday when . . . .

2006-06-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

. . . you burst out laughing because one of the cases that came up in response to your search for a certain type of contractual provisions contains the following sentence:

"The magistrate further found that appellant negligently de-clawed appellee's kittens."

Confusing Use of Statistics

2006-05-19T00:38:00.000-07:00

Earlier this evening I was flipping channels and stopped at one of the local news stations. It was doing a story about the impact of the 150,000 Katrina evacuees who are still living in Houston. (For the purposes of the story, they were talking only about what falls within the Houston city limits, not the "greater Houston area".)

Here's what bothered me: the story mentioned that, in the past year, if you don't take into account Katrina evacuees, the crime rate in Houston "rose by 7%". However, if you do take into account Katrina evacuees, then "that number rises by 25%". I can't remember exactly how the woman worded everything, but she ended up doing so in a way that made it impossible to figure out what the hell she was saying. What number rose by 25%? The number or crimes? Because that's a lot of crime. But because of they way she structured her sentences, she was actually saying that 7% got 25% higher, which is an increase of less than 2%. That's not very much. And if she was actually saying that the non-evacuee crime hike is a 7% increase, and that the with-evacuee increase was higher, did the percentage increase by 25% (for a total increase of 32%) or to 25%???

Normally I would just mention the fact that this was the local Fox news affiliate, and bitch about Fox news. But I would acually like to know what the hell they were talking about. It only took about a second on the internet for me to confirm my suspicions: that the increase in crime rates are definately not less than 2%. One story from a Lafeyette news station's website even said that, since the hurricane and the evacuation, Katrina evacuees have been either the victims or the suspects in 20% of the murders that took place in Houston - more than double their percenatage of the population.

The amount of first-hand, accurate information that I know about Louisiana is negligible. I'm not even going to post what I think, except to say this: I think that, if anything, the post-Katrina events have made it a little more clear that extreme poverty and excessive wealth, and the huge gap in between, are huge problems in this country. Take from that what you will. It's too late at night/ early in the morning.

I blame you, Soroush

2006-05-12T00:29:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by saying the following: I never get hit on. And even before I was married and wore a wedding ring, I very rarely got hit on. I do, however, meet a lot of random people when I'm out studying. Most of them are nice, interesting people and we end up having conversations about things like law school or religion. They'll say things to me like "You remind me of my daughter" and "Excuse me, I know this sounds stupid, but what exactly is a tort?"

Unfortunately, this arrangement has been upset. A few weeks ago I visited my eye doctor, who also happens to be my friend Soroush. He is the BEST eye doctor ever. Being that he's a fantastic eye doctor, he recommended that I get a weak pair of reading glasses so that I wasn't putting so much strain on my eyes. Glasses are covered by my insurance, so while part of me thought "What a good suggestion, I certainly don't want to strain my eyes" another part of me thought "Ooh! Free accessories!" Feel free to make fun of me.

I went to place where Matt got his glasses and picked out a really cute pair of kind of smart-looking, but kind of trendy glasses. They arrived just as I started studying for finals, which was awesome because wearing them made me feel smart.

What I didn't know was that, apparently, glasses are code for "I'm a big hoe and you should try to hit on me even though I'm wearing a wedding ring." I am not exaggerating when I say that every single time I have been studying by myself since getting the glasses, I've gotten hit on. It's been so long since anyone has hit on me that I've completely forgotten the art of snappy comebacks. Truth be told, hitting on someone's who's married probably elevates you from deserving a snappy comeback to deserving a kick in the nuts. But that would be a tort.

And let me just remind all of the single men out there that weather-related comments are sucky, sucky pick-up lines. When I was single and a guy would approach me with something like "Wow, it's pretty humid today" I's have to bite my tongue to keep from sarcastically saying something like "My, aren't you creative! You must be an artist!" Let me also say that, even if you seem like a nice guy, jokingly saying "If you ever get divorced I'd love to take you out" is in Bad Form. Bad. Bad. Form.

It's been about a week of this nonsense and today, for the first time, I rediscovered my Withering Stare. Ah, if only you'd seen me back in undergrad! I could freeze a potential suitor from fifty yards away with nothing but a glance . . . those were the days.

As it states above, I blame Soroush for this. Damn him and his professional demeanor. And damn the stupid glasses for being so cute. I should have just bought the adorable Burberry boots. Men never notice shoes.

People have too much money

2006-05-07T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'm taking Artemis's advice and making more lists. It's very soothing, and it helps me forget that I have two exams left.

When my friend Hifa and I were teenagers, we got a kick out of the ugly clothes at Neiman Marcus. At the time I probably vowed never to shop there because of how ridiculous it was to spend $6,000 on a dress covered in sequined palm trees, but now that I'm older I have the wisdom not to throw the good fashion out with the bad. For the record: I am NOT advocating designer clothing prices. But I'm not denying that the constant rain has be seriously considering these. (Erin, say your worst. At least they aren't Uggs.)

Sometimes Hifa and I would split up in Neiman's and play a game called "who can find the ugliest item". We got kicked out when we started taking pictures.

In celebration of ugly fashions, I thought I's share some of the stupidest, ugliest, biggest wastes of money that I could find. If the hideousness makes you start to feel nauseous, just think abotu Hugh Laurie's face. You'll feel better.

Anyway, let the fashion-bashing commence:

1. A $6,000 cellphone. You think I'm kidding? Go ahead, click on the link. I dare you.
2. A $2,000 diamond encrusted Hello Kitty watch. I can't think of a single thing to say that would make this any more ridiculous.
3. A $6,000 sculpture OF BUDDHA. Are you KIDDING ME?
4. A $300 pair of men's pajamas. For the record, this item is suggested by the NM website as a "Gift for Him". I can't even imagine Matt's face if I gave him a $300 pair of pajamas. It wouldn't be a happy face.
5. This purse. If anyone clicks on this and thinks "awww, that's cute!" then I don't know if we can be friends anymore. This purse is U-G-L-Y. You couldn't pay me enough to carry it, let alone get me to pay $500 for it.

Let this be a lesson to the people of the world (well, those of them with too much money): just because something is expensive and trendy, that doesn't make it good. You may be able to buy a $900 pair of cufflinks, but you can't buy good taste.

5 Things . . .

2006-05-03T00:46:00.000-07:00

. . . that are more fun than studying for finals.

1. Watching a show about lions on PBS. Did you know that you can tell a lion's age by the color of his nose?
2. Making things with the Magic Bullet. You know, like delicious salsa, homemade guacamole, and ten-second nachos!
3. Watching clips from One Man Star Wars.
4. Putting decorative pink jewels all over Matt's phone while he's asleep.
5. Scuba-diving. I've never actually been scuba-diving, but I'm pretty sure it's better than studying for finals.

Learning and Sharing

2006-04-26T23:34:00.000-07:00

Do you know what I learned this month? That if someone begins a sentence with "I think I agree with Justice Thomas" I'll probably disagree with 99.99% of everything they will ever say. Especially if they go on to say that prosecuting wife-beaters could be bad, because it might cause women to let themselves be abused. I can't even find the strength in my four fingers (you know, they four that I type with) to go over what I thought when I heard someone say that out loud.

Here's another thing I learned: baseball sized hail will shatter a car windshield in about one minute. I learned this through someone else, but these are the kind of lessons that you don't forget. Oh, and a tornado won't hesitate to steal your porch chairs right from your patio and desposit them who-knows-where. That one I can personally attest to.

I've also learned a lot about the ethical issues in collaborative family law. What? Oh . . . you don't give a rat's ass? Nobody wants to hear about law school? Thank goodness I have Neville. He likes conversation and doesn't mind if I complain about law school. Although he never has very good advice, since all of our talks go something like this:

Me: I still have eight more pages to write! I'll never get this finished!
Neville: Meeeeeooooow.
Me: Is it possible to fail out of law school?
Neville: *blinks*
Me: I need a cookie.

Okay, so maybe that conversation was a bit of a lie. Neville only knows 2 words: "mao" and "yao". He's very into Chinese history and culture. Sometimes we ask him "Neville, who's your favorite player on the Rockets?" and he'll say, "Yaaooo." Othertimes he gets confused and answers "Maaaoooo" but we quickly correct him and explain that he's thinking of the deceased leader of the Communist Party of China.

And although it's not yet Friday, I had to share the following Chuck Norris fact, because I thought it was fantastic (it's way better if you read it out loud):

"Dinosaurs went extinct because of the Chuck Norrisaurus"

Guilds Kick Ass

2006-04-19T00:30:00.000-07:00

In the past week, Matt has:
1. killed a wild boar with his fists,
2. gotten sucked into a painting,
3. been bitten by a vampire,
4. been struck by lightning,
AND
5. chased down a dinosaur.

Did I mention this all took place in Oblivion? And by "Oblivion" I mean "the reason that I'm going to fail out of law school". Seriously, I think the most accurate comment I've read about this game so far is that it lacks one thing: an attachment that links directly to your brain so that you can keep playing while showering and sleeping. I call Matt at work to say things like "Have we looked for Nirnroot in Bravil?" and "How do you feel about goblin-made armor?" We're totally obsessed.

Let me tell an anecdote to illustrate the level of obsession that we're talking about here. I was running errands today and was sitting at a stoplight in a really pretty area of Austin that's all hilly and green. I looked out of my car window and noticed that the grass was full of wildflowers, some weird weeds, and a bunch of small shrubs. And do you know what I thought? I thought "I wonder what magical properties those plants have."

A Sordid Tale

2006-04-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life has a strange serendipity; unlikely choices and the tides of fate collide, with extraordinary and wonderful results. On the other hand, sometimes life gives you the opposite of that, and what should have been nothing turns into something awful. One particular example of the latter phenomenon occured on the eve of my friend Dean's wedding. As the title of this post notes, it's a sordid tale indeed - in fact, the story I'm about to recount is so scandalous that it's ruined any hopes my best friend Mahan had of venturing into politics.

Okay, so maybe she never had any intentions of going into politics. But if she had, they would now be dashed.

A few days before Dean & Crystal's wedding, which would take place in Dallas, Mahan drove up to Austin from Houston so that she, Matt and I could take one car to Dallas for the wedding. At some point we stopped at Erin's - I think because she was cat-sitting Neville - but maybe we were just hanging out. Mahan and I couldn't help but notice that Erin had a Playboy on her coffee table. (See? I told you this was a sordid tale.) Erin, who at the time was working at Starbuck's, explained that she and a friend had bought Playboy because the theme of the issue was "the Girls of Starbuck's" and supposedly featured real Starbuck's employees, and they wanted to see whether the pictures were actually Starbuck's employees. Erin then told us that the girls didn't look like baristas at all. Here's where the bad choices begin: somehow it was decided that Mahan and I should take the Playboy with us so that we could look at the pictures.

Mahan was the driver on the trip to Dallas, and Matt spent most of the trip sleeping. Have I mentioned that the drive to Dallas is the Worst Drive Ever? Well, it is. Other than the possibility of picking up a Dr.Pepper made with real sugar, the trip has almost no redeeming qualities. About halfway through the trip Mahan and I started to get bored. We started daring each other to do things, which was boring until we remembered the Playboy. Then we spent about half an hour playing a game where Mahan would match the speed of an unsuspecting car next to us, and I would hold up a picture of a naked lady to the passengers in that car.

(I wanted to point out that this happened BEFORE I started law school, because if someone suggested this now, I would promptly explain about negligence law and how creating a distraction on the road is a bad idea. But back when this story took place I was young, innocent, and ignorant about tort law.)

When we got tired of holding up dirty pictures for other cars and trying to shock them, we came up with a better plan - let's take crazy pictures!! In yet another twist of fate, neither Mahan nor the Giani-Sherrill's had brought along a digital camera, but for some reason we had a disposable camera. (I really have no idea why.) We had to stop for gas anyway, and while Matt went inside to get snacks I took some Very Interesting pictures of Mahan, some of which involved the Playboy. Then we decided to stop wasting film, and the rest of the car trip proceeded normally.

Dean & Crystal's wedding was wonderful, and, since we'd left plenty of film on the disposable camera, Matt took a lot of wedding-related shots. After we'd all seen Dean and Crystal off with the ceremonial flinging of rose petals, a group of people decided to go the Cheesecake Factory. Matt had more items than usual so I checked to make sure he had everything. Keys? Check. Wallet? Check. Rachel's lip gloss? Check. Then I asked about the camera. Matt got a little flustered, and then realized he'd left it in the room where the wedding took place.

This might not have been a huge problem, were it not for the fact that each table at the wedding had a disposable camera on it. You know, the kind that you put on the table so that guests can take pictures of each other? Mahan and I ran back into the main room when we realized Matt had forgotten the camera, and were horrified to see that ALL of the disposable cameras- including, presumably, the Camera in Question (CiQ) - were grouped together in the corner while the roomed was cleaned up. And they were all the same brand. And the same color.

Okay, so maybe I was a little entertained, in addition to being horrified. But Mahan was seriously horrified.

We pored over the cameras until we noticed a slight difference in the packaging of just one camera, as if it had been purchased at a different time. We snatched it up, praying that it was the CiQ.

I got the pictures back about a week after the wedding, and called Mahan to let her know that everything was in the clear and we had the CiQ. I thought that was the end up the issue until a few months later, when some North Austin locations of a certain drugstore chain got in trouble with the law because their teenage employees were making personal copies for themselves when customers brought in photos. The reports implied that these were male employees copying dirty an semi-dirty pics. Guess where I'd had the film from the CiQ developed . . .

On another side note, who takes serious dirty pictures and then has them developed at a store? Get a digital camera, or take Polaroids or something. Invest in a color printer like a normal person.

I never heard what happened with the litigation about the photos and the news sort of stopped caring, but I'm fully convinced that in some evidence file in the Travis County DA's office, there's a picture of Mahan pretending to lick a picture of a humungous boob. That should be the moral of this story: if you pretend to lick a picture of a humungous boob, don't allow the incident to be documented.

Happy Friday!

2006-04-07T01:03:00.000-07:00

A Chuck Norris fact to start your weekend:

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."