tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-12298981.post-70758788033954880282008-05-18T03:55:00.003-04:002008-05-18T04:30:51.535-04:00How's that for an emo title, kids? Its never a good sign when I'm blogging at 4 am, but this one's been in the works for awhile. In the last few months I have resigned my first ministry job, finished my first full-time year of seminary, weathered a church crisis, and I continue to grieve Bud's death. Needless to say, my heart is feeling pretty raw right now. In the next three weeks I finish up youth group for the school year, transition to camp, perform a wedding, preach a Sunday, have Graduate Sunday, finish up confirmation projects, and launch our church's process of adopting Safe Sanctuary guidelines. <br /><br />So... I'm not even sure how to put my current feelings into words. I feel sad. I'm feeling like I don't have time to feel my feelings because I should be doing the long list of things I have to do. I want to be with my friends, but when I'm with them I worried that I'm being too much of a downer. The bright spot in the last few months has been my youth group - I can't say how proud I am of them, and bonding more with them is making it so much harder to leave my job. <br /><br />Don't worry, though. This is a phase, and one that I have been through enough times to recognize. This is what happens when God is tearing my world to shreds in order to rebuild it. That sounds more dramatic than I mean it to. God always puts things together better than I could. I trust God to do whatever God wants with my life (I do have a few suggestions, however). Between my faith and my exhaustion I can't do anything but go with the flow, and wait for that wonderful moment when the tightly wound feeling in my chest begins to unwind. <br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> Just because everything's changing</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Doesn't mean it's never been this way before</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> All you can do is try to know who your friends are</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> As you head off to the war</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> Pick a star on the dark horizon</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> And follow the light</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> You'll come back when it's over</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"> No need to say goodbye</span><br /><br />- Regina Spektor, "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oNsQewlFtEs">The Call</a>" (At the end of Prince Caspian)</span>Megan Methodisthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18229256062934904273noreply@blogger.com