Teenage Lolita

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2009-12-18T16:33:00.000+08:00

i need a new apartment !!!

seasons.

2009-12-09T14:59:00.000+08:00

the weather's changed.

No more long hours in the backyard smoking and puffing joints away.

I've managed to stay away for the 'cig' for 6days now.

Received 2 emails for up-coming jobs.

No sure if I am quite ready for it.

Haven't met up with WG for awhile now. Hopefully he is behaving and doing fine.

Get together + Happy 21st ?

2009-12-03T12:56:00.000+08:00

Its the Lolita's 21st today.

Just a quiet dinner with the folks & WG.

The slightly louder part of it was celebrated over the weekends.

Bah, feels nothing like a birthday.

How sleazy ws those ads?

I can't believe my own eyes. Gosh, I wonder if I ever decide to join an agency in Singapore. Of what calibre would it be?

Anyway, I've been busy the last week or so (including this) as the Twins are done with their 'A' levels and are on the promised Euro-trip by the folks.

So WG, instead of Joel or Andy became the 'underdog' in the meet the folks game this year.

Haha, of all the guys I thought would have made it.

Anyway, WG would be heading off for his trip tomorrow after my birthday.

2009-12-03T00:19:00.000+08:00

I found this on a sleazy cheap singapore escort website.

Comments : A lesbian , Educated in girls school .Never had any boyfriend but had experience and explore with her girlfriends.Sensual ,soft ,tender and Sensitive and wet. Love the intimacy and very tight .(how would they know? if they were really selling a virgin?)Willing to meet the right gentleman at the right price.Intelligent girl.Sweet and like any school girl you will meet and is willing to wear her school uniform for those who like to see young student at their School Uniform.

Doesn't ends there...

Escort number xxxx...

Eyes is really so charming that you will surely be electrified by her .Brazilian Wax and so clean Shaven ,no smell and so beautiful in the 'Forbidden' Area .

Ewww... Sounds as if the guy directly translated chinese over to english.

a visit from his.

2009-11-30T12:48:00.000+08:00

cracks surfaced after a visit from one of his old mate who use to study here.

it was awful.

weak&whim

2009-11-18T09:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when we alternate between multiple versions of the truth. We start to lose sight of what does the truth really means or impact us.

All these multiple lives I've been leading. I wonder which is me.

All this different version of the 'truth' I've been telling. I wonder which one do I myself trust.

Its funny how it all evolves. The 16year old now the almost 21.

All that I said I would do, I've done.

All that I've said I wouldn't, I did.

Sex for sale, Sex not for sale.

Drugs, Marijuana & whats not.

More often than not...

I sit alone(on the train) lost in my train of thoughts and miss my train stop. LOL.

I wonder if its the on-coming frosty cold winter wind ... The fading spring.

Or, its just me being weak & whim.

+

2009-11-12T13:19:00.002+08:00

How many version of the truth can there be?

How many realities are there?

I wonder.

break ups replayed.

2009-11-10T00:36:00.001+08:00

So weekend after weekends of failed break-up attempts. I wonder how I could make an effective step to completion.

Confessing I cheated ?

6 times ?

Would that work ?

maybe its the tickets that's keeping us together.

Qutting marathon ?

2009-11-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

This trying to quit smoking thing seems not as difficult but not as easy as I might have thought of either ends of if.

Till date, this is the first 52hours I've gone without a puff since my last quitting stint (3weeks w/o) in July. Yes, I barely started. However, I think the real addiction's kicking in.

Stomach cramps, yes.

Chest tightening, yes.

Breathing difficulties, yes.

Depress, maybe a lil bit.

I've got a feeling I might jump back in on the bandwagon once I meet up with the mates this weekend.

Sigh.

C

2009-11-05T01:53:00.002+08:00

'Cheating only counts when you are married.' - East coast, USA.

Does it ?

I suspect he did already.

A few weeks ago he suddenly went MIA.

Only to return my call at 1am in the morning, saying he fell asleep straight after work.

What a bastard.

Mich from uni said its supicious.

mmm.... I only feel a tinge of guilt when I cheat on him w/o cash.

When, I'm on the job I just treat it like a ... bonus...

After all with all that fine dining and wining in London town, someone has to foot the bill...

its in you.

2009-11-04T10:09:00.000+08:00

*I woke up today to the strangest dream. My liver was hurting again.I wonder if it was really hurting or was I just dreaming. Also, in the dream WG & I have arrived in Singapore and were travelling about.

Anyway, I wanted to talk about my devious Monday night.

So vengeance bit me hard from being ban from partying over the weekends.

I made a decision that if I don't have a good time partying this week I'll never be able to.

Also, finding out that he lied about the people he slept with previously added to my annoyance.

*yes, I know despite my cheating behavior, I'm still human and am allowed to be puritanical.

Plus, what you don't know won't hurt you. No ?

Reached home at 9pm from the library,chucked 'Frida'on to the player watch it whilst I rolled and puffed a few joints + changed into my party outfit.

Sat around for that good 119mins the flim was playing,preparing for my sweet revenge break.

I called up a couple of my gay mates who always knew a good party going on any time of the week.

It was close to 1am when decided to drag my lazy butt out.

Dress in a tight scrunchy fushia pink dress Joel bought me last winter... I hit the bars like a 18year old.

I bumped into a swede I had a fling with once and bought him back - fucked him on the roof-top and told him

'thanks for the 'ride' you can leave now. sorry, I just don't like inviting people into my house.'

so, i guess once you ever ever started cheating.

'Its in you.'

Like, lost virginity.

Reduction & the lost halloween.

2009-11-02T08:22:00.000+08:00

So, I did reduce the amount of ciggie intake over the last week. Yay ?

I'm still sulking over not being able to party this 'halloween' weekend.

I've always always done halloween. Except for this year.

Because of that fucked up poof - WG.

All he wanted to do was stay home and watch TV.

I told him he could do that while I head out doing my own thing. After all we bought the costume already.

I'm annoyed with him.

He threw such a huge hissy fit at me because I wanted to go out.

I feel like a caged bird.

Smokers-Quitters.

2009-10-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

'Rehab's for quitters, quitters are for rehabs.' , I chuckled.

I took up smoking about 5 months ago?

As a non-peer pressure - experimental thing for myself.

I never realize there was such complex dynamics to smoking.

It becoming a habit, a daily diet, the social circle and whats not.

I would like to stop someday.

Has anyone here quit smoking ?

'Do you wake up one day and say... yes, I'm going to stop now. No more for me? '

What did you do ?

repetition

2009-10-24T10:13:00.000+08:00

Sex, has become an almost meaningless repetition of body movement.

Do you actually enjoy it ?

I meant, yes, Its enjoyable but once it gets beyond the 'orgasm-ed(s)'.

Okay, maybe the once in awhile intimate cuddling - with the one you desire/love (w/o the BO)

What does it really mean anymore?

I remember the first couple of 'new' jobs were the hardest. Having to 'do' those ugly toads you never had to, if it weren't for a 'cause' or for that stack of greenbacks - blue notes - whatever.

*I'm sorry guys. The money was never easy.

After having dinner with the ex-fling, his date & WG.

The ex-fling/chris and I spoke over MSN.

He told me he can see why I'm with WG, though we don't look very much like a couple.

WG's too reserved, quiet, not as out-going & terd-ish - not quite the guy he thought I would end up with.

I'll try to post the convo if I'm able to find it.

Tricks.

2009-10-21T16:45:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TamOrADrhwc&feature=player_embedded# .

I like this song.

WG's heading over to asia pretty soon.

It would be his first trip down. I hope he behaves.

He would be having a couple of 'DJ-ing' gigs.

I wonder if I trust him enough. Though, deep down I know that the person I crave for is Andy.

Everything's pretty plain sailing with WG.

We met up with one of the ex-flings today for lunch - double date. Sushi Train ?

It was a little awkward. Bah, but who cares.

We haven't had sex for 2 fking weeks now. Gosh, I wonder. What the fuck is wrong with this guy.

I'm use to getting fucked everyday - this drought is horrible. Thank god, for the tricks I needed to turn the last two weeks if not...

I don't see how this relationship is going to work out. But, he isn't listening when I tell him its actually over.

Or,maybe I'm just a sucker for 'persistence' as usual.

sleep.

2009-10-20T10:17:00.001+08:00

I'm just so terrible at uploading photos.

Its 3:13am now. Falling asleep at my own apartment's becoming quite a task. Maybe its too much of falling asleep - fitfully on those Egyptian Sheets from random hotels or the 4days a week at WG home + 2days a week at a schoolmate's place.

What's the point of having my own place anymore ? When i'm only home 1-2times a week.

I'm planning to rent a 2bedroom next year, if finance allows. I'll operate from my own place.

When its all done and over with

2009-10-19T13:29:00.000+08:00

, its just a box of leftovers - left.

O well... Last week I received a parcel - box actually, from Joel.
So, I guess, when the relationship is all done over with. Its just 81.95USD, 5kgs worth of leftover belongings & silence.

The things he sent were mostly Junk. What I really wanted back was my iTouch given my ex-girlfriend, a couple of drawings I did & my favorite Ed Hardy cap.

Not the socks or knickers I left there. What a retard, spending 81.95 to send all that junk. But, I guess he needed closure as much as I did.

Do I really need all this crap ?

However, I'm glad he sent it anyway.

Ps : Was having some technical problems with the Lappy this week.

No more jobs for the year, I've earned enough to live comfortably for the next 2months ?

Quick & easy.

2009-10-08T16:29:00.002+08:00

Last night's job was simpler, faster & easier than I thought.

With no stay overs required.

Just a simple 3hr chat & a quick fuck.

I realize the older men are actually quite lonely from being so up there & traveling so much.

Sometimes, I wonder when I walk out of that room.

If, they ever let loneliness get a grip them and cry themselves to sleep.

yet another US of A.

2009-10-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

In 3 hours time, at 7pm. I'll be ticking off meeting 2.

Mister, US of A, just came over for a 3 weeks business trip.

Offered me a 5figure 'pound' sum for 1-2 weekly rendezvous meetings.

Might solve my temporal $ tangle.

I'm still on with the court case suing my ex-landlord .

meeting 1, meeting 2.

2009-10-07T09:14:00.001+08:00

Its almost 3am now.

Met the good ole' Sugardaddy. Urg...

I hate it when guys talk to much or are to domineering...

Its annoying.

Spilling.

2009-10-06T13:58:00.003+08:00

I'm exhausted. However, the show(life) must go on.

I've been struggling with the workload with uni quite abit. However, the exams are in Jan. That shouldn't be too rough, no ?

Boggled down with the broken engagement, lost love (Andy), being homeless, low-funds & a current relationship that maybe going no-where.

Spilling, my cup is too full. But, the flow of 'boggling problems' just keep flowing ...

I was on the phone with Mom yesterday.

She said, 'Kate, do you regret taking Uni part-time instead of Full-Time now ? You must have too much time at hand, thats you probably why you're still with WG. If you were working & doing university full-time. The story would be different.'

Maybe ?

I find WG- Weekend guy, overly "laid-back" as the aussies would say.

I guess thats the 'Australian' in him. It took forever for us to do much of anything we set out to do.

We had another fight again yesterday.

He told me to drop the 'commitment' talks. How can I ?

I've never set out to be with anyone without the Idea of getting married to them.

Or, a plan with them to end up getting married.

Okay,maybe except for Andy.

In retrospect, which might have just been a lustful great fuck, nothing more nothing less.

I just want to lie in bed whilst the busy world outside me hussle and bussle about.

Whilst, the temperature slowly - already drop below the lovely 20s.

Everything, just over-spilling.

Its 7:21am here now. I've to head off for school in a couple of hours.

Set up a few meetings with potentials again soon.

Afterall, WG refuse to commit & we're taking a break now.

I've only myself to help 'me' out.

an almost ending.

2009-10-04T14:43:00.002+08:00

Sobbing away in the middle of nowhere at 3 in the morning, I shouted at him.

'This is it, this is the end okay. I don't want it anymore. Drive me back to your place and let me pick up my clothes.'

If this ended, I would have '4 breakups' in the short time span of 18mths ?

Going from clean slate of zero to 4 breakups in 2years ?

Thats a pretty rough ride.

I'm running low on funds now - this boy is unable to support me.

Turning back to the flicky trade might be it. I miss that excitement, the smell of those clean hotel sheets and dressing up to a guaranteed please.

*I know, I'll make someone happy - & myself at the end of it.

Instead of all the dramas of the flaky youth.

ignition - fail.

2009-09-30T22:43:00.003+08:00

Its funny, how I go around 'helping' people in sexless relationship re-ignite their 'sex-life'.

While back home... I'm having problems with mine.

After a night of whinging about how dead our sex life was.

He tried fucking(making love?) me the next day. Nevertheless, the me, who only want it when it doesn't have to be whinged about. Did the 'yes...yes... fuck me and lets get over and done with it' - Pulled the dead fish moaning move.

I guess, women feel more obligated that men to 'fulfill' the task of inter -coursing.

I don't really want this 'fuck anymore'... Not when I have to ask, whinge & sulk about it time and again.

I've just lost that 'loving-feeling' as that famous line by The Righteous Brothers, "You've lost that loving feeling". (Sadly, I don't think its gonna ever come back)

I wonder how other escorts fare with their sex life at home.

When the flame is dead...

Dry spell.

2009-09-30T16:47:00.004+08:00

Who would have thought the '(ex) teenage lolita' would be running a dry spell ?

The weekend guy, whom I've been seeing for a steady two months or so now.

Hasn't been too interested in the humping & thumping.

His excuse ? 'I'm too tired from work...' or ' I need to get up early tomorrow...'

Frustrating as it may or may not seem. I'm trying to be as tolerant as can be about the matter.

But, the prolonged drought has brought about a potential - if not already tsunami size damage on my over-inflated self-ego.

It made me question my 'sexiness' .

Makes wonder why when there's a line of guys waiting to pump me up.

There's this rod there's always deflated.

No wonder, people seek as where.

No wonder, my granddad had to seek supplements.

I might be seeking supplements soon enough -if not already.

I never felt like a Fat Bub HOBO with maybe BO before in this life-time.

Wow...

*time to take the vibrating wands out!

** on a side note, sugardaddy offered a first class trip to Morocco, Egypt & Paris.

Felicia Lee Tang

2009-09-29T18:17:00.001+08:00

http://www.cbsnews.com/elements/2009/09/18/crimesider/photoessay5320733.shtml?tag=contentMain;contentBody

Pretty isn't she.

But, alive not.

Singapore born - spent 2years in Aussie - The rest in the States.

I wonder why Aussie media claimed Felicia as "Aussie Porn-Star"

Does living in AU for 2 years really makes her "Aussie" ?