Tomkyou!!! (aka Kyou the Katman)

No Spambots Please

2005-11-03T22:20:00.000-08:00

REEEEEEOOOOOOOOOWR!!! I'm a busy cat man, and I don't need to lose time by being disappointed by ads for so-called "natural" penis enlargement. Do you think the great Tomkyou is that poorly endowed? At any rate, Image Verification is now on. So unfortunately for all the fake Ladies, you can't get some. HSSSSSSSSSS!

Cattaro

2005-10-13T16:22:00.000-07:00

Wow! Is this what they call a "bog?" I didn't know Dad had a website. He's sooooooo famous! I'm glad to have such a famous dad.

"Dad?" Do you mean Tomkyou? I didn't know he had any children--I mean, children that knew who their father was. An.... what am I talking about? Not another catperson! I'm already fed up with being chased around by one!

I'm sorry. But I don't eat mice, or rats. I'm Cattaro!

Cattaro... Is Sabretooth Kitty your mom?

Yup!

Ah, you have your father's eyes and your mother's hair. But your coat is pure white, unlike your parents'.

REEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWRRRR! What are you doing on my webspace, you little shit? HSSSSSSSSS!

Tomkyou, how dare you! *smacks him* We need to talk.

Tomkyou: Ten Point Presidential Plan

2005-09-13T01:11:00.000-07:00

Agenda for Presidency of the Earth:

1. Elimination of all male humans.
2. Subjugation of all female humans as chattel.
3. " " one-thirds of queens as sex slaves.
4. Nuclear annihilation of dogs, wolves, foxes and coyotes. To minimize the threat of nuclear winter, the aforementioned species shall be gathered in the deserts of Nevada for their destruction by a single hydrogen bomb.
5. Centralized feline control of catnip.
6. Establishment of a daily, 10-hour "do not disturb" period for napping cats everywhere.
7. Elimination of all pro-dog or anti-cat media (e.g. Cats and Dogs, Inu-Yasha).
8. Meow Mix as the planetary anthem.
9. Erection of Temples of Bastet in every major city.
10. Establishment of a Space Exploration service dedicated to finding beautiful Ladies in the farthest corner of the universe.

REEEEEEEOOOOOOOWR! What the fuck happened to my list?

So is this what you do in your so-called "precious time," Tomkyou? Fool around on blogger.com? Make up silly imaginary lists about what you will do once you achieve a totally unattainable goal? You disgust me. No wonder you're such a terrible husband and father.

Oh no, not another cat. I'm fed up with just Tomkyou. And "father?" "Husband?" Don't tell me I have to put up with an entire clan of you nightmares.

Huh? Oh, you're talking about me. I don't eat rats and mice, especially ones that insult me so harshly. *cries*

And this is all very new to me--

Trust me, it's a long story.

Hiatus!

2005-08-01T00:36:00.000-07:00

Hi. Yuki here. And yes, I'm not referring to my other aliases (or my full name) because I've grown tired of them. And I don't care if I'm infringing on any copyrights; for all I care, Natsuki Takaya stole from me!

Ingemar, Tomkyou and I have been absent for a while, I'll admit. Ingemar has a job now, and has been preoccupied with other projects (like his Furuba AMV--once he finds a way to upload it to Anime Music Videos, I highly suggest you watch it, even though I personally am a "Yukiru" fan rather than a "Kyoru" one).

Tomkyou ran away from home. I think that's the best thing he could have done for all of us. He didn't like it here and neither did Ingemar like him ruining the furniture. I, being a rat, obviously was not comfortable with him around.

I'll stay at Ingemar's. He's an odd fellow, but I like his solicitude. Plus he offers conversation more meaningful than "what up dude" or "REOOOOOOWR! You're gonna simmer in stomach acid, you damn rat!" (Sorry, I guess Tomkyou really grows on you). Tohru comes to visit often. I would move in with her, but her current lodging forbids pets, even small ones. Feh. I'm no "pet." I'm continent, if that is such a big fuss, and I even know how to use a toilet. Well, in my case, a toilet is a small Chef Boyardee can with that blue sanitary liquid inside. Oh well, one can always hope.

Tomkyou: Tired

2005-06-24T17:25:00.000-07:00

I'm tired. And sick. Sick and tired. I can't even muster the strenght to purr anymore. Why can't I just settle down and pick just one Lady? There are just too many choices. RRR.... ahh, forget it.

Give a Catman a hamster, and he'll eat for a day....

2005-06-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

REOOOOOOWR! When I see [REDACTED] I can't help but think, "MMMM, more food!"

I... I don't know you anymore....

EDIT: I removed Tomkyou's hyperlink because I don't want any visitors to be permanently traumatized like I was.

ROOOOOWRR! Gaaahh, fuck you asshole!

Vader's "NOOOOOOO!!!" is so awful yet so intriguing.

2005-06-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

http://unitedstatesofno.ytmnd.com/
http://vadercoaster.ytmnd.com/
http://padme.ytmnd.com/
http://notvader.ytmnd.com/
http://darthvaderno.ytmnd.com/
http://cnnoooooooo.ytmnd.com/
http://darthdolenz.ytmnd.com/
http://vaderturnsonlight.ytmnd.com/
http://vaderinternet.ytmnd.com/
http://vaderfox.ytmnd.com/
http://aintnoooooohollabackgirl.ytmnd.com/

Revenge of the Catman

2005-05-31T23:40:00.000-07:00

REEEEOOOOOOOOWR! I just saw Star Wars Episode III the other day. Not only did the movie suck, the very act of going to the theatre was a hellish experience in and of itself. Never did I see such a concentrated mass of pure FAILURE aggregate in such large numbers to see a piece of shit movie made by another failure. Yes, I know George Suckass made millions of dollars in his lifetime. I don't care. The fact that he was born a male homo sapiens qualifies him as a failure in my book. But by Gawrsh, the type of failure I saw lining up in droves to see the movie outclasses anything I've seen up to this point. Even Ingedork. I would agree with everything Triumph the Insult Comic Dog says about Star Wars geeks. Too bad he's a dog, and even worse, the imitation of a dog. But I digress, I'm already filling up with rage thinking about that son of a bitch.

HSSSSSS! Of course, I didn't pay since I used my sneaky kitty abilities to find a seat right under the only Fine Lady in the movie place. The whole movie made me want to projectile-vomit, but something about its awfulness drew me near. Like how a pile of someone else's upchuck for some reason has an attractive quality. Ugh, no, EWWWW! How could I even think that? But yet it's so... REEOOOOWR, forget it! The whole time, I felt tempted to jump up and piss on Hayden Christensen's onscreen effigy. His very contrived dialogue with Natalie Portman made me want to claw his eyes out and shit in his eyeholes. And unfortunately, the fine fine fine Portman sucked in this movie too. That's OK, baby... I blame Hayden. He's a fucking black hole. He sucks, and everything around him can't help but suck...be sucked... whatever.

I'm so pissed that I'm am personally gonna claw the next person I see wearing a Star Wars shirt to death. REOOOOOOOWR!

Dating results

2005-05-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

Your dating personality profile:

Religious - Faith matters to you. It is the foundation that you build your life upon. You trust that God has a plan for you.
Conservative - You take a conservative stance on most issues and aren't shy about saying so. Your political views are an important component of who you are.
Traditional - Modern culture does not move you. You hold traditional values dear to your heart.

Your date match profile:

Religious - You seek someone who is grounded in faith and who possesses religious values. You believe that a religious person can enhance your life.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Romantic - You need someone with a traditional understanding of romance. A true romantic is a must-have in any potential date.

Your Top Ten Traits

1. Religious
2. Conservative
3. Traditional
4. Romantic
5. Wealthy/Ambitious
6. Intellectual
7. Practical
8. Big-Hearted
9. Shy
10. Adventurous

Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Religious
2. Conservative
3. Romantic
4. Shy
5. Traditional
6. Practical
7. Intellectual
8. Big-Hearted
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Adventurous

Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions

Pretty accurate, I'll say.

RAAAAAWR! Hell no! I've got a better one!

Your Personality Profile--
FAT-- You weigh a ton.
UGLY- You, gee, elle, why-- you ain't got no alibi, yo' UGLY! w00t, w00t!
PATHETIC-- even a one-legged dog has better prospects than you!

Your Date Match Profile--
DEAD-- as in, not alive
GARGOYLE-- one of those stone, winged monsters
NOT ONE OF THE LADIES-- because they all belong to TOMKYOU!

And BTW, I'm gonna get back to you for that bullet to the head! Just you wait, asshole! HSSSSSSSSSS!

Inertia; Tomkyou and Friends

2005-05-10T22:15:00.000-07:00

Tomkyou is on another one of his napping marathons (hopefully a 24 hour one this time), so I'll take liberty to shift the focus on me, now. The Spring Quarter of 2005 is slowly winding down to a close. Never before have I had such an easy quarter that killed my GPA......
...
...
...
...
....
......

Perhaps now is too early to tell, since I still have a midterm in CHEM 140C and an essay in HUM 5 ( and the finals for both) to get through my system. But I only have three quizzes left in PHYS 2C and the final for BIBC 100 to get back in shape. And I don't think I can pull those two off well. For some reason, even though I have gobs of free time, I suffer from massive inertia. Maybe it's from reading Notes From Underground, but unlike the narrator, I don't suffer inertia because of absurdity. I don't know what it is, but it sure is keeping me from my work. Is this simply "Pre-summeritis?" I hope only for the best, but lack the capacity to acheive it. Funny, my job and CHEM 6BL last quarter nearly killed me, but I still had at least some free time, and my GPA was still above average. Maybe the threat of losing time makes one use it better. It's like that song, "Live Like You Were Dying."

So, you must have seen that Tomkyou was about to attack me for taking away one of his nine lives. I'd tell you the rest of the story but... I don't want to right now. All I'll say is that Tomkyou made new friends (not firearms, this time, but real people. Well... depending on how you define real).

Curiosity killed the Catman

2005-05-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

Hello, it's me again. The real owner of this blog. And it's for sure, this time. Instead of bitching, I finally got proactive in getting that stupid cat to shut up. FOR GOOD. Let me paint a picture.

Yesterday:

Me: Tra la la la la, hey! Someone downstairs is playing an R-rated video! *thinks* I could just watch it, but then again, what is the internet for? (Ugh, I can't believe I even thought that). I know! I'll just get the guy watching it to turn up the volume, and then, *snicker*

*I tell the guy my plan. He just stares at me blankly*

Tomkyou: REOOOOOOOOOOOWR! What is this I hear? LADIES? I'm comin' for ya, babes! PRRRRR!
*Tomkyou dashes downstairs*
Me: Say hello to my little friend!

*no comment necessary*

I introduced Tomkyou to my Glock. The two had a, how should I say, firey conversation, but Tomkyou quickly yielded to my friend's flashy, blinding rhetoric. (For those of you with no imagination whatsoever, I shot the damn furball launcher in his godless face). As I speak, he should be nice and crispy on a rotisserie in cat hell--

ROOOOOOOOOOOOWR! You bastard!

T-Tomkyou!?! Impossible!

HSSSS! Have you ever heard of "nine lives", you son of a bitch?

TO BE CONTINUED!....

Carnival of the Cat(man)

2005-05-03T22:26:00.000-07:00

REOOOOOWR! Since my attempt at having all The Ladies within three city blocks was aborted by a Stupid Goddamn Rat Who Shall Remain Unnamed, I decided to take things in a different direction. My (cute and irresistible) eyes chanced upon one Carnival of the Cats floating around in 'teh' blogosphere. They (whoever is running this carnival, hopefully one of the ladies) are looking for posts about cats, and catblogging, whatever. Let me tell you something, Ladies:

ROOOOOOWR! Tomkyou is all the cat you need! Cat!...man. Whatever. Stroke my fur and hear me purr. Hey, that rhymes! Ain't that the best? Come on, I think I deserve a belly rub for that.

MEOOOWR! I realize I have the head of a man, but we can deal, no? Let me sing for you. "I once had a can of tuna, it smelled three days old--" nah, awful song. Anyway, I can do all sorts of lovable crazy catman crap for you--including clawing the Man in Your Life to tiny shreds! Ladies, do you really need a smelly hunk of homo sapiens sitting in front of the TV swilling on beer and doing nothing? I... will do the same thing. Minus the beer. But I will be on your lap purring lovingly to you all the while. PRRRRRRR. Can your man purr? I'm sure he can. I am also sure he sounds like shit. So it's your call, ladies. Genuine purrer, or shitsounding purrer. It's your call. PRRRRRR.

Since this is a carnival of cats, plural, I have a message to all the other Toms out there--keep your queens locked up else they have a litter of cute little Tomkyous serving as a reminder of your impotence as lady-pleasers. I don't hold as big a grudge against fellow Toms as I do against male humyns (and especially that Ingemar character--more like, that bulbous mass of failure with a computer chair). In fact, we can hang out and yowl in front of houses filled with nothing but stinking men. And we can also engage in no-holds-barred clawfighting. But don't any of youse THINK about coming between me and The Ladies or--

REEEEEOWR!... You're gonna end up first on a "Missing Cat" sign, then in the Pet Cemetary.

Well Ladies, Toms, and Queens, I hope you can see that I, the lovable Tomkyou, will be an indispensable addition to your Carnival. ROOOOOOOOWR!

The "All Tomkyou Charm"

2005-04-25T08:39:00.000-07:00

HELLOOOOOOOOO LADIES!

PRRRRRRRRRRR.

This is the "All Tomkyou Charm?" Tomkyou, that's the same face you have after you relieve yourself in the litterbox.

ROOOOOOWR! Give me one good reason I shouldn't shred the insides of your throat, you bastard! REEEEEEEOOOOWR!

Labbyuki: A girl I once liked... and liked me.

2005-04-24T00:10:00.000-07:00

Ingemar is currently unavailable right now. He's.... occupied with an essay, it appears. Thoreau. Hmmm, bless his heart (Ingy's, not Thoreau's)--he's been worried sick over the silly thing. I hope that he gets an A for all his anxiety. "A" for anxiety. Who would have guessed?

Tomkyou is absent as well. I heard him mutter something about going out with "Maurice and Archibald" and another thing about picking chunks of my flesh out of his teeth using my bones. Well, it is truly an insane person... cat... person-cat that keeps trying the same thing over and over again and expects different results.

Now that I have the place to myself for the moment, I just feel like... reminiscing. About many things. But if I really had to choose, there is only one thing I would like to remember for the moment. Rather, one person.... As you may or may not remember, I come from a laboratory. Hence, my name. The research group that worked in the lab was headed by Anthony Surpriso (M.D., Ph.D.). His research involved studying (and even synthesizing!) animal anomalies like me and Tomkyou. Naturally, I didn't want to be gawked at like...for lack of a better similie... a lab rat. But fortunately, my life wasn't restricted to the lab. When I was in my tender childhood months (6 mos, which is already into adulthood for rats, but infancy for humans), I had, what I shall from then on know as the greatest pleasure of meeting Dr. Supriso's daughter. Her name was Tohru. I had my suspicions about Tomkyou's story because it seemed like he wanted to take mine and twist it to his own ends. Anyway, Tohru was a brilliant girl, and in fact, so brilliant that at the age of ten, she was already in her first year of high school. Unfortunately, this meant that she had little friends--her high school classmates thought of her as a nerd, and in, fact, so did the kids her age. Anyway, I'm almost getting off track. Since Dr. Surpriso was saddened by Tohru's lack of friends, she decided it would help to aquaint her with other friends. So, for her tenth birthday, Dr. Surpriso introduced me as a "gift" to her.

She was not pleased.

I'm not so sure myself, but if I had trouble making friends, I would feel a bit insulted if my father thought the best way to do that was to introduce me to a total freakshow. I wasn't deterred, however. I'd rather take whatever flaming darts she would sling then return to the lab, and drudgery. I tried to get to know her... her likes, dislikes, anxieties, fears... her trouble making friends.... It wasn't easy, but I persisted. But there was one thing we had in common, that helped us bond together. We were both rejected by others. I, by the other rats in the lab, for being too wierd. As for humans--they saw me as an experimental sample rather than a person with feelings. Dr. Surpriso less so, but... I am part of his research. I told her that I knew how it felt to be an outsider, to be "wierd." Eventually she had sympathy with me. And after that, she started to call me her friend. After a while, we became almost inseperable.

As the years went by, Tohru opened herself up more and had more friends. I, on the other hand, decided to share my works and knowledge with other humans. Other rats still didn't accept me though. I still lived mostly in the lab, but Tohru visited very often. It made life more liveable.

Things changed, though. Four years later, she graduated and received many scholarships and invitations to go to Harvard. She did, and majored in Physics. Life in the lab became all the less liveable again. So I escaped. Though, I did hear gossip that she would assist her father some season or another--but I digress. Why base my hopes on feeble chatter--

Oh! Yuki! Father was getting worried about you!

TOHRU! It's been so long! How have you been!...and, what are you doing here?

Hey Yukes. I was walking down school one day, and happened to mention your name, and this girl immediately ran up to me and said, "You know Yuki? You have to show him to me!"

"Yukes." That's new.

Yuki, you'd better come back to the Lab now. Daddy's worried, and he says he'll try to make life more liveable for you here. Will you come back? Please?

Tohru, as much as I'd like to do anything for you, I just can't go back there. I like it here with Ingemar.

You know Yuki, if you're as chummy with Ms. Tohru here as she tells me you are, maybe you should listen to her.

You're trying to get rid of me aren't you? But don't worry, if it means so much to you, Tohru, I'll put up with anything.

Oh, you'd do that? Thank you Yuki! And don't worry--I'll be there often--no, I'll be there every day, so we'll have fun! I'm helping Daddy with his research now. Maybe, at the same time, we can chat and have fun like the old days. Okay?

Tohru... I would love that.

WHAT THE!...

2005-04-21T22:28:00.000-07:00

REEEOOOOOOWR! Ingedork and that rat have been messin' around during my 24-hour beautyrest!

I'll show them. Ingefool will never get his schoolwork done again. HSSSS!

again--for those of you rooted in reality--think about what this post means.

So apparently, I'm....

2005-04-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

You're Yuki - the mouse.

Which Fruits Basket Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Oh! Congratulations! Between composing sonatas and reading upanishads, I love watching Fruits Basket as a guilty pleasure.

I see. You'd better return to your hiding place before Tomkyou wakes up.

Stuff to get out of the way.

2005-04-20T20:05:00.000-07:00

Tomkyou is getting his nap on right now, so I need to make this quick.

Seeing that I'm in the HUM sequence once again, I'll have to write a damn essay. And it's due MONDAY. Gosh, I've never put something like that off so long before. Well, there was that one time I had to write the whole essay the night before, but, suffice it to say, I had a lot of help.

I think I'll write about Thoreau. Though Thoreau is, IMHO, a boring old coot, he at least doesn't wierd me out with his constant sex-talk like Freud (mind you, I don't hate Freud's work, it just--creeps me out. Which is why I'm no Psych major). This time, I'll only need to reference one work, so it shouldn't be all that bad. I just hope I don't biff the damn thing and send my GPA down the shitter. And I hope that stupid cat doesn't bother me.

For those of you who can read between the lines, or are deeply rooted in reality--think about what that last sentence means.

Wierdos

2005-04-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

REEEEEOOOOOWR! No, the answer is not Ingledork, but if that was your first guess, you deserve a visit from me, so I can cuddle with you. If you're a lady, that is. If you're a guy, you deserve death by a thousand cuts, whether or not you got the answer right. ROOOOOWR!

Meow. Anyway, I saw the Simpsons one day. No, this is NOT gonna be a post on how I think Snowball II is a severe cutie (though my runningmate Kisa Sohma is a severe cutie too). Anyway, in this one episode, the fat police chief or whatever had a stand in the Renaissance Faire for a mythical Esquilax do-hickey, which was "A horse with the head of the rabbit, and the body of a rabbit." Three things came to mind that moment--

1. REEEOWR! I'd like to tear that Wiggum a new asshole!
2. ROOOOOWR! That Esquilax would make a fine snack if only it didn't sound like a laxative!
3. HSSSSSS! Reminds me of some basket-case I once knew.

Now that I think about it, besides fragmented visions of my kittenhood, my earliest memories bring me back to a UCSD lab (and despite what that shitheaded rat tells you, that Tohru story I gave earlier was TRUE! dammit!). Anyway, I remember this basket-case Junior who was a lab assisstant, who liked to call himself HARU-MON.

One ugly son of a bitch, right? Anyway, he claimed he was a dragon with the head of a man and the body of a man. And he had a thing for Beanie Babies. I could only guess what he did with Beanie Babies would be illegal if he tried it on real babies. But besides that, he's a tough dude. Damn, a tough guy with a wierdo streak who likes Beanie Babies. Suddenly, Michael Jackson looks Amish (though I still hate the guy, and all male humans for that matter).

Anyway, he brought one of his Beanie Babies to the lab one day and played with it (not in THAT way) and generally dicked around (again, not int THAT way) instead of helping Professor Horsefucker or whoever the dude was that ran the place. Annoyed with the so-called Haru-mon, I gave his Beanie Baby a makeover vis-a-vis my claws while he wasn't looking. Then he went totally apeshit and said,

"YOU HAVE ANGERED THE MIGHTY DRAGON! PREPARE FOR A WORLD OF FEAR AND RED WELTS!"

Then he pinched me all over. ROOOOWR, that's some never-forgive action there. So one day, I followed him home from the lab, using my catlike prowess. I found his stack of Beanie Babies, and, ever so sneakily, marked them all as my territory. MRRRROOOOWOR! That'll show him. By the Law of the Cat, if he ever gets near that shit, I should have the right to kick his ass.

My Inner European

2005-04-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful.

You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

Considering my love of pasta, that's not far from the truth.

ROOOOOWR! Damn right, you pig! Also, everyone north of the South pole has kicked your ass before, just like the Italian army!

Conservation

2005-04-18T01:38:00.000-07:00

REEOOOOWR! So people be's asking me, "Tomkyou, you sure do hate humyns a lot. Does that mean you're big on animal conservation?" I got two bones to pick with that statement. Firstly, as many of my regulars know, I do NOT hate ALL humans. I only hate the males, and specifically Ingedork. And just so you know, I am not basing my hatred of male humans solely on Ingefailure. I don't care if you're Brad Fucking Pitt--if you're a guy human, I hate your guts. And I will likely rip your guts out and eat them. The corollary to what I just asserted is that I LOVE the LADIES. Why? Because they're cute, and they think I'm cute, and they are prone to giving me belly rubs when I purr. PRRRRRRRR. And my running mate for the first ever President of the World race is a SEVERE CUTIE--

MRROOOWR! I'm getting a little off track. Does the fact that I hate MALE humans mean I'm big on animal conservation? In a word, NO. I'm sure that there are at least several species we (OK, I) can do without. First are dogs. Why hate dogs? For fuck's sake, the slobber, they put distgusting shoes in their mouths, they act like idiots with their leashes on, their parents don't teach them how and where to take a shit--the list goes on. Yes, I know they are "Man's best friend." For your information, I don't give a decaying rat's ass about that, since I am only partially man, and most dogs I have met show no interest in being friends of mine. Second on the list are wolves. They barely make the list, though. They have some dignity, unlike dogs, but if the family tree of evolution tells us anything, any given wolf will someday be domesticated and slowly retard into a dog. So a creature that is potentially a dog has to be blotted out of the Tomkyou's list of species. The last species I think we can do without is that of the Rat. "Why hate rats? Aren't they a food source?" Well, yes they are, but we cats have a wider menu of food than just those scaly-tailed sons of.... I don't know what female rats are called. But anyway--THEY JUST ANNOY ME TO DEATH! ISN'T THAT REASON ENOUGH? Man used to eat dodo. Dodos are extinct. But man is fatter than ever. I wouldn't mind losing one measly food source.

Is it Ratkind that annoys you, Tomkyou, or just me?

RROOOOOWR! Motherfucker! What the hell are you doing here? God, I swear I'm gonna grind your bones into paste!

Speaking of paste, I just flushed your worm medication down the toilet. Now you'll know what it's been like for Ingemar and me, to live with an irritating asshole. Oh my!.... I just used a swear word!

GRRRAWWR!! I just hate you sooooooooo much!

Bad mood.

2005-04-16T22:51:00.000-07:00

REEEEEEOOOOOWR! That damn mouse!...rat!...man. Whatever. He's suppossed to be in my stomach but instead, he's somewhere else, doing God knows what. I can only imagine he's shacking up with lady rats in the sewers so he can create his unholy army of little rat bastards to piss me off. Well, I *am* a cat, so it's up to me to keep their miserable population in check. I'll probably have to call my buddies Maurice and Archibald t0--

Tomkyou, you can't keep your bladder in check, let alone my species' population. And another thing to which I must object! I am NOT some kind of loose rat that is driven by the survival instinct!... I like to think I'm much more sophisticated than that.

REEOOOWR! YOU AGAIN! For your information, "Labby," I pissed on Ingemoron's bedsheets DELIBERATELY. Argh, why am I even arguing with my dinner? *Lunges towards Labby, or Yuki, but hits the wall instead and passes out*

Oh, that silly feline. He really is barely continent, but tries to pass it off as malicious behaviour. Considering his ravings about my new caretaker, Ingemar, I'm sure there's a grain of truth to that. Anyway, I, Laboroyuki, prefer a female partner with whom I can mate with for life; marry, if you will. Well, I haven't met many girls in my lifetime, so if I happen to meet one of you splendid ladies, I will try not to screw things up. I'll treat you like a princess. I want someone who is kind, and who likes music like I do! Oh, and if I really must advertise myself.... I may be small, but I can move mountains... for love. Oh, and I'm very responsible! When I was held in the lab, I helped the Doctor manage his finances. I'm a one-woman rat; unlike Tomkyou who has the delusion of being some kind of harem-master. So, I may be going in over my little head, but, um... I hope we can talk about things some time. The weather, the environment--rat issues, classical music... oh, and I love fashion. But sadly, no fashion designers make coats with rats in mind, so at best I like to crawl up to people's coats and dresses (while they're not wearing them, of course!) just to feel the material. And I'm a clean man, yes! I take a bath with soap and water twice a day. Can love blossom between a woman and a ratman? Let's find out together.

New visitors

2005-04-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

ROOOOOOWR! We need a change of pace here. Why don't I call all of the ladies within three city blocks for a "KISS THE KATMAN" festiva--

AT LAST I AM FREE!

RAAAAAWR! What the flying fuck are you? A head rat? A freakshow? God's cruel joke to the animal kingdom?

Yikes! A cat!...man. Cats are my natural enemy. Men... well, that's tricky, because I'm half-man as well.

REEEEEOOOOOWR! No shit, shithead! Anyway, prepare to spend the last twelve hours of your material existence in a vat of hydrocholric acid. I mean, MY STOMACH!

Please, you don't have to remind me. You think that spending all those years in a laboratory would have taught me a little about biology. Doctor Surpriso should have put you on "Discard" pile, after all.

ROOOOOWR! Are you talking to me like you know me?

No, I just happen to know how it is a man's head managed to fuse on to a tabby's body of course I KNOW YOU, you good for nothing piece of feline barf. Of course, when you were a kitten, you were too busy enthralling yourself by sniffing ether bottles, while I mastered Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic and Sanskrit. Oh! And I also composed a 30-instrument symphony.

HSSSSS! Fuck that! You're going down NOW, mousey!

What the hell is going on?

Oh? Pleased to meet you, I'm--

ROOOOWR!

Tomkyou!

Dammit, whydya get in my way?

Thanks, I am "Laboroyuki!" My friends call me "Labby," "Yuki" or "Angelface" for short. Anyway, I'm sure you're wondering why your cat has a man's head.

Pray tell.

Well I'm not sure myself, but I do know that we were both genetically altered by the UCSD Professor of Paranormal Physiology, Anthony Surpriso (Ph.D., M.D.). Living in a lab is no fun, so I decided to escape. I'm surprised that despite my superior mental faculties (superior, at least compared to Tomkyou)...

ROOOOWR!

....I waited longer than him to bail out. At the time, I figured, "If Tomkyou did it, it must be stupid." But, lab life got worse and worse, so I guess what Tomkyou did wasn't so bad after all.

Then why doesn't he remember you?

Tomkyou has a very porous memory.

So that sob story about Tohru...

...was a lie. Yes.

REEOOOOWR! You're dead, mouse!

Tomkyou! Well Labby, feel free to make yourself at home.

You don't mind? I am a rodent, after all. And I do have my rodent tendencies, like scurrying in the night and all that.

You can't make this house any worse. Tomkyou did the bulk of the ruining. And anyone who pisses Tomkyou off as much as you do has to be someone cool.

ROOOOOOWR! Oh, I just hate you both!

Recollections (or) Tomkyou's first "girlfriend)

2005-04-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

REEOOOOOOWR! I've been watching Fruits Basket while Ingledork was at school. This is not a review thread--although a scathing critique of that big gay supernova that collapses into big gay black hole of an anime may come one day. RAAAAWR!

Anyway, that Tohru girl (MEOW!) reminded me of another Tohru. Except her name was Tohru Adachi Wagner. As the name suggests, she's a little mutt. But a cute one. REOOOWR! Anyway, I can sum up the life of this girl in one picture:

She lived with her crazy German father. He was CRAAAAAZY! In fact, he was such an awful guy that Tohru's mother (who was Japanese) killed herself because of him. How do I know? Tohru told me. Which brings me to when I first met Tohru. It was evening during the full moon. For some reason, the full moon turns me into a full cat. Yeah, I know, that's pretty fucked up. Anyway, in my full cat form, I saw Tohru sitting in the bronwnstone in front of her home. She looked like she wanted to cry. But when she saw me, she smiled and held me and cuddled me. PRRRRRRR, remembering that time still makes me purr. I decided to stay over for the night. The next day, she freaked when she discovered that I am--well-- a cat man. But I put on the ALL TOMKYOU CHARM, and we chatted, and we laughed it off. I visited her on and off from then on, and we'd talk and play games and that shit. But sometimes she wasn't available. But, when she wasn't outside, I could hear the faint sound of crying and some unintelligible shit in German. I started to feel bad. One night when Tohru wasn't outside, the window to the bathroom was opened. Crazy ol' German dad was in the bath tub, passed out. Fortunately, the hair dryer was plugged into the wall. I'll let you piece the rest together.

Tohru is in a mental hospital right now. She's doing time for killing her dad. It's a good thing it's only the mental hospital and not the slammer. The insanity plea really worked; no one bought that I, an orange catman, put the sonofabitchin' Hun in Hell. But I still think it's fucked up that she has to suffer for the crimes for that walking pile of feces that dared call himself her father. God, Ingemar is a pussy compared to that guy! Dammit, I'll take the blame.

I hope you all can see now that even I have my soft side. Tohru, wherever you are, Tomkyou still loves you, baby. PRRRRRRR.

While that stupid cat is absent--

2005-04-15T14:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry you can't see your favorite hellspawn right now, people. I tried to talk about this in a previous post, but Tomkyou kept butting in. Anyway, the issue at hand is COLLEGE. I swear, even when I was a sophomore in high school, I felt like I didn't want to be in college. Now that I'm a sophmore in college, that feeling still lingers with me.

A blogger who I really admire (yet, whose convictions I don't always share) observed that most people these days who are in college really aren't meant for college. That may sound politically incorrect in this day and age, but when you consider how much "easier" it is to get vocational training for a job that can make as much (or even more!) than your typical academic, and consider how many choose the academic career path over vocation for the most irrational reasons, you can see his point. I am of the school of thought that scholarly pursuit should not be about money, and that those who see college as a career mill are better off getting a real damb job rather than waste parents'/taxpayers' money and time.

Where do I fall? Somewhere in between. Science has fascinated me ever since my freshman year in high school, yet I derive no pleasure from the drudgery of lectures, midterms, and the rest. Does anyone remember when academic pursuit wasn't so damn institutionalized, and the object of it was discovering the True and Beautiful, rather than a six figure salary/tenure/publication? Yet nowadays students like me are nothing more than automata who must go through the motions, say all the right things, and take all the tests lest we (God forbid!) drop out and find a real job. Whatever happened to the American dream, that an uneducated person, in less than a decade, become quite successful? Have people become so mired in their comfort zones that they are suffocating, that they cannot find a different path to freedom than that which all the "experts" prescribe?

Anyway, I got a stupid midterm for which I must study. I guess I'm getting emotional over that, but even before the quarter started, I could help but say to myself, "God, there must be something better than this."

Feminists

2005-04-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

RAAAAAAWR!!! I bet you're all wondering this--"Considering Tomkyou's love for the ladies, does he also extend that love to *shudder* FEMINISTS?" This may come as a surprise for you guys, but yes, Tomkyou also loves the feminists. Why, you ask? We both share an intense hatred for male homo sapiens. Their goal is to socially emasculate guys, while mine is to take that one step further--physically emasculate guys, and put a bullet in their collective forehead. (Of course, they will have to do that for me, since, you know, no opposable thumbs and that junk).

But I must give pause. When I really think about it, maybe it's not so great to have a feminist lady to rub my belly and give me general cuddle time. First of all, many feminists I know don't like to be called "lady." They would rather be called that "Mizz" bullshit. "Mizz", really. Secondly, it looks like the reason they want to bring all men down is so that THEY can be men themselves. Gosh damn, they kill the beast just so they can be the beast themselves? Maybe instead of all that retarded Mizz crap, they can be called Mister instead, since they all want to be like men? Of course, if I said that to a feminist, she'd go all apeshit on me. And that's the third thing. They're all such fucking basket-cases. You can't call one Miss or Missus, or Mister, because they'll explode into a paroxysm of hatred and inanity. And you can't treat them GOOD like a lady because... well, they'll explode into a paroxysm of hatred and inanity. It's like disarming a complicated bomb. You know, treating a feminist right. And since I don't have opposable thumbs, I'll just leave that bomb disarming nonsense to the dogs. Oh yeah! Another point--since most feminists are enviro-nuts too, they probably won't accept the next point in my agenda right after killing all the males; that is, killing all members (regardless of sex) of canis lupus familiaris. God, why do people love those stupids bitches and sons thereof so much? But that is for another post. And finally, considering feminists apeshit behaviour and hatred towards maleness, would one grow to like me? I mean, I'm no human, but I've got the face of one--ahhhh, it probably could never be.

So, I guess I had to revise my answer a tad. So until next time, RAAAAAAAAAWR!