Out in Left Field

A Recurring Theme

2008-05-08T06:28:00.004-06:00

So I get into work yesterday only to be told, surprise, that we're having staff evaluations. No problem.

The powers that be arrive in my classroom and I'm confident it'll be like every other review I've ever had. Positive and professional.

Started off okay.

Turns out I'm knowledgeable and passionate. Good work ethic. I bring in books, music, and art to supplement my lessons. Kids are excited about social studies and doing well.

Fantastic, right? Not so much.

Turns out I'm too hard on my students. Too assertive. Not empathetic or compassionate enough. I demand a certain self-discipline from kids. I'm too hard on their parents.

Really? Cause I remember talking a few parents off the ledge this year. Calming them down when they'd attacked my fellow teachers.

"Right, you did do that. I'm talking about other times."

Oh. I see.

That's not all. When I'm not mouthy, I'm too quiet. Especially in team meetings. Too standoffish. My personality is *different* from everyone else.

Have any parents complained?

No.

Have any students complained?

No.

Have you brought this to my attention earlier? Like, say, before review time?

No.

Am I brand new? Trying to get acclimated? Learning team dynamics as I go along?

Yes.

But I'm the only teacher who assigns homework during winter and spring breaks.

Do I have to get from pre-colonial to post-9/11 in nine months when I only see these kids every other day?

Yes.

But a kid drew a swastika on his neck and I yelled at him and told him to wash it off. And kids were surfing the web and I told them that wasn't allowed. Now, yes, they did surf porn sites and that's illegal and other teachers allowed it to happen, but I'm still too hard on the kids. I'm the toughest grader in the school. I don't take personality into account.

I need to ease up and go softer on them. They're at-risk after all.

Plus I need to be more outgoing with the team. Shouldn't be so quiet. Gives the wrong impression.

I tell them that I'm surprised. When Co-Worker #1 gave me Christian books to read, sent me anti-liberal emails, and took shots, daily, at my political and religious views, I always laughed.

I smiled through it all. Never once complained. Even when others came to me and told me *they* were offended on my behalf.

Apparently when I joke back, I'm too aggressive. When I ignore it, I'm a snob.

One of the reviewers said it's an "east coast v. western thing, Catherine. You're just different."

You don't say?

I'm different everywhere I go. My friend Jeff put it best: "A liberal Jewish vegetarian with twin sons? You are an actuarial nightmare."

Everywhere I've ever worked, people have appreciated those differences. We shouldn't all be the same. We shouldn't all be buddies with our students. Someone should be a grown-up.

I'm not complaining. Not really. I'm thanking them. Because my ultimate decision is now so much easier to make.

I'll Be the First to Admit that I'm A Mess Right Now

2008-05-07T17:11:00.003-06:00

But I doubt I'm the only one who could benefit from such a wonderful story.

So here:

Enjoy.

Reply to My Texts - Ongoing

2008-05-06T18:01:00.000-06:00

I received this late one Saturday evening from someone in Pennsylvania:

"Do u ever cry when u r alone?"

I fought the urge to text back:

"I'm a wife and mother. I run around in my skivvies and dance to Rick James when I'm alone. I cry the rest of the time."

Seriously, how would you respond?

a) I would cry, but I'm too busy using the bathroom without interruption.
b) I gotta remove my cell phone number from Facebook.
c) ?

I'll totally send your response if it's better than mine.

More Good News

2008-05-05T17:59:00.003-06:00

Read this article about a child in my neck of the woods.

Yet another child victimized because he's different.

Then tell me a small town's values aren't reflected in its playgrounds, schools, businesses, laws, and neighborhoods.

And people.

Then tell me that this kind of experience will make him stronger. That it's good for him.

Then pick up your kids from their private school, drive behind the gate, go inside, lock the door, set the alarm...

and suck it.

If More Conservatives and Republicans Were Like George Will

2008-05-04T19:03:00.000-06:00

If more of you focused on real issues and real concerns, then no matter how much we disagreed, at least I could *respect* you.

But instead, most of you all look and sound like this...

and therefore deserve no respect. Of any kind.

Can You Tell The Difference Between Bush and McCain?

2008-05-03T09:13:00.003-06:00

Give it a shot and find out which is worse.

"They're too busy laughing at me to write it."

2008-05-02T17:25:00.004-06:00

Today our children came home and announced that Larry* had been suspended for hurting a female student.

I know. Color me surprised.

Meanwhile, I've been looking for a suitable educational replacement for them. One such private school said they'd need to see the boys' records. So I went into their current school's office and looked through their records. Nothin' but good news.

"What else you need?" I asked.

"Letters of recommendation."

"No problem. From whom?"

"Their teachers."

I know. Awkward.

I sent an email on Monday to their teachers asking for such letters by today. Today came and went. Nothing. So I sent the principal an email asking for the letters, you know, sometime this month.

He writes back saying they'll write the letters when "they receive a format or an outline to respond to" as this is "very unusual".

I know. What a maroon.

Husband wrote back-

Here’s the outline:

To Whom It May Concern:

Youngest Robinson was in my class at Mouthbreathers Elementary. Despite the fact I had no classroom management skills, he still managed to survive. It’s amazing to me that even though targeted, he didn’t react poorly until the assbags he dealt with daily (myself included) had pushed him too far. Seriously, he has the patience of Job.

I would confidently recommend Youngest to any private school. You guys cool he’s a Jew?

Suck me thusly,
Miss Blah Blah

But he only sent it to me.

I know. Damn.

Chapter 6

2008-05-02T06:44:00.001-06:00

Six chapters down.

About thirty to go.

Thanks for hanging in there. And enjoy.

I Was Robbed

2008-05-01T19:29:00.002-06:00

They stole my life and put it in a commercial. I haven't seen a dime.

G'damn ESPN.

That's Right Baby

2008-05-01T18:18:00.002-06:00

I'm in there.

Are you?

See you at the convention!

That Which Does Not Kill You, Makes You Bitter

2008-05-01T07:47:00.000-06:00

I sometimes attend meetings where kids are expelled from school and their parents have to pick an alternate setting in order to continue their education. The district offers these alternatives because, by law, they have to.

Usually I meet with high school kids. Occasionally a middle school student.

Yesterday, I met with an elementary school child.

This kid was adorable and well-behaved, lots of yes sirs and no ma'ams. His father was dressed in a nice suit, looking sharp and polished.

In other words, not my usual clientele.

I've been at this more than a few years now and can spot the fakers a mile away. This family was not faking their level of intelligence, dignity, or manners. Trust me.

So after the meeting, I had to ask one of my colleagues, "What's the deal? Why did this kid get expelled?"

"He's been taunted all year with racial slurs and finally defended himself. Despite the fact that he's never had a bad mark against him, behavior or otherwise, and despite the fact that his teachers are all devastated because they love him, he's being expelled for fighting. The parents are appealing the decision, but regardless, they say they're through here. Too nasty and bigoted an environment. They're heading back East this summer."

I thought about that beautiful little boy, his demeanor and what he's been through this year. I walked into my classroom, shut the door, and cried.

It hit home. In ways you can't even imagine.

I'm not one who believes there's any such thing as a location cure because you bring yourself with you wherever you go. But what if you're not the problem? If the problem is the location, then leaving is the cure.

And there is a huge problem with a white, right-wing, evangelical location that says to hell with everyone else. Especially if you're not white, right-wing, or evangelical.

Yes, there are racists and bigots back East. But there are also more diverse communities and I hope this little boy and his family find one where he is no longer victimized.

Besides, I don't know many schools back East, or anywhere else for that matter, willing to part with smart kids who have high test scores and good behavior records like they do around here. Dismiss or expel good kids and guess who you end up with? That's just crazy talk.

Some idiots will say this is good for him. Teaches him how to handle problems. Teaches him how to be tough. Or some such nonsense.

Complete and utter idiots.

Another of my colleagues put it beautifully: "He has his whole life to be tough. He shouldn't have to go through this as a child."

I'm with her.

Just Donated to Barack's Campaign - What's Elite About That?

2008-04-30T18:28:00.000-06:00

It's a shame that Rev. Wright turned on Barack Obama this past week and is trying so desperately to sabotage Obama's presidential campaign. Won't know the real answers behind his public meltdown for years, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, no one cares that John McCain proudly accepted the endorsement of a whacked-out preacher who blames the sins of New Orleans for Hurricane Katrina.

White crazy's okay, I suppose. We're used to that.

I'm not really concerned one way or the other about Wright or Hagee. I'm concerned about health care. Getting our troops out of Iraq.

Hell, Obama's answers about gas prices are better than McCain's.

Let the mouthbreathers who are easily manipulated worry about how what's good for one candidate isn't good for another.

I'm concerned with what really matters.

Holy Smoke

2008-04-29T18:05:00.000-06:00

Mom returned recently from Medjugorje. She endured a good deal of ribbing from Husband with her usual good-natured laugh.

Good thing. A real fanatic would've killed him.

Him: Did you have a good time?

Her: It's not about having a good time. It's about a spiritual journey you have to feel with an open heart and an open mind.

Him: Did you take any pictures?

Her: I took a few, but it's impossible to capture the spirit of the place on film. You really have to feel it. I didn't want to miss a single feeling so I just absorbed everything instead of worrying about pictures.

Him: Couldn't figure out the new camera, huh? Well, did you at least pick me up a shirt or something? How about the one that says, "I Opened My Heart and Mind and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt." I could always use one of them.

According to Each Child's Needs

2008-04-28T07:33:00.000-06:00

One of my online buddies recently posted about his own quandary and it hit home. Like me, Dave's trying to decide between public and private school for his kids. For the last five years, I've taught in public schools and so I've listened to arguments for and against all the different choices regarding how to educate one's children.

Everyone has an opinion, but none matter and here's why. When deciding which school to send your kids, only you can know for sure what your children need. And to hell with what everyone else thinks.

What are the arguments for a public school education? Several people, teachers and parents alike, say that those educated in public schools are more well-rounded and learn better how to tackle problems independently.

What a load of rubbish.

Do these people actually know anyone educated in a private school setting? I know a few and they are delightful, smart, and tolerant. Some are self-important, but let's face it, snobs can be found anywhere - from prep schools to the AP classes at your local high school. Let's not pretend otherwise.

I went to public schools my entire life, but the reason I am strong and independent has to do with my DNA (Nana's in there somewhere) and the women in my life (Mom's strength, Aunt Mimi's mouthiness, and the hurricane-force that is Aunt Jeanne). I am the way I am because of those influences, not because of anything a teacher or bully ever taught me.

Not to diminish the importance of a good education, I just learned more about how to deal with differences and life's difficulties around the kitchen table every night, not behind a desk during the day.

I'm also not convinced that public schools offer real life experiences. I've worked full-time since the age of sixteen. Never have I been made to endure sexual harrassment, bullies, or physical assault in the workplace. I would never, ever put up with such nonsense. How can I ask my children to put up with it?

Such daily drama encourages bitterness, not strength.

What do your children need? That's the question to be answered.

If they benefit from a strong religious household with dedicated and self-motivated parents, perhaps homeschooling is the way to go. I've seen it work wonders with kids who have a habit of hanging with the wrong crowd. There are also dozens of activities homeschooled kids can attend at the local public school or YMCA to encourage good social skills.

Are your family's morals and values represented in a nearby school that is a comfortable and safe haven in which to learn? Then that parochial school would be the best choice.

If your kids are shy, closed-off, in need of special attention, or easy-going and relaxed or gifted and talented (God help you) - perhaps a public school is best.

Since my kids were two and a half years old, they've needed structure, organization, and discipline. They are the types of kids who respond well to order and supervision, an environment that calls for academic and athletic excellence.

Plus I like uniforms. Zero tolerance policy for behavior issues that get in the way of learning. That sort of thing.

I know, gulp. A Catholic or Jewish day school is looking like the best option for the Robinson boys. Public school fanatics? Your answer simply doesn't work for everyone.

Handle it.

Where are all the blossoms? Isn't springtime supposed to be a rebirth? Why is everything so dead and dry?

2008-04-26T17:28:00.000-06:00

I spent an inordinate amount of time outdoors this past week.

I do not enjoy outdoor activity of any kind. My skin, hair, and temperment are better suited for temperature-controlled rooms adorned with artwork and interesting people who buy me drinks while we discuss the ways in which George W. Bush has destroyed the middle class.

Nevertheless, my children went on a field trip Thursday to Colorado Springs' idea of a zoo and they needed parent volunteers to supervise. I'm sure I was not their first choice, since Youngest's teacher ignored me and talked through my children instead.

Example: "You can tell your mother that the bus will be leaving at 1pm."

I know. Ridiculous.

At some point, though, they realized beggars can't be choosers. And so I rode on a bus with about 30 second graders and tried not to gouge my own eyes out. Upside: I got to meet Larry, Curly, and Moe for myself.

One of them wore this t-shirt: "I Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time."

Well. Doesn't that just about sum it up?

Actually, the kids in question weren't so bad. They were loud. Obnoxious. They got into trouble and were reprimanded by Miss Blah Blah several times. And one of them had his mom with him. Decked out in biker clothing, she looked like Cher from Mask. The kids reminded me of my own special needs students who've learned long ago that being yelled at is better than being ignored. Larry, Curly, and Moe simply seek out negative attention because it's better than nothing.

Halfway through the day, Youngest remarked, "Now I know why Larry yells at everyone. I just heard his mom yelling at him. She's kind of mean."

Plus we saw a monkey eat its own fecal matter. All in all, my children learned a lot that day.

On Friday, I chaperoned my own students on their Community Service Day, last one of the year (thank God), where they planted seedlings at Bear Creek Park. I supervised the teenagers, but did not participate.

"Ms. Robinson," one of my students said, "why don't you plant trees with us?"

"I didn't break the law and therefore am not required to complete community service hours."

"Don't you want to get your hands dirty?"

"I do not."

"You could contribute to the community."

"My entire teaching career has been a contribution to the community. Now get to work."

Halfway through the day, Lou, a supervisor of parks and recreation, offered me a bottle of water. I politely declined.

"You need water here, ma'am."

I could barely hear him because my ears were covered with a wool cap and hoodie to block out the forty degree weather and 45 mile per hour winds. In April.

"I'm aware it's dry," I said, after he repeated himself. "But due to budget cuts thanks to a Republican-run town, there aren't any bathrooms except that blue port-o-potty about a mile across the tundra. Since I don't feel like dodging snakes and branches falling from dead trees, I'm going to go with 'no thank you.' At least until I can get back to civilization again. Lou."

He just stared at me.

As a rule, Parks Department people do not get me.

But I bet if I were in a temperature-controlled room sipping a cosmopolitan and talking with fabulous people, they would have laughed their asses off.

I've Got Subway on my Mind

2008-04-25T08:11:00.000-06:00

Last night Oldest got on the phone with my brother to complain about a tummy ache.

"It's the matzoh, Uncle Mike. I'm all bound up."

Husband suggested we stop the whole "kosher for Passover nonsense before someone busts a colon."

Brother concurred.

"What kind of religion makes you eat stale cardboard for eight days straight?" he asked. "As if living where it snows in April isn't hardship enough. Give the kid some carbs for Christ's sake."

Well. For somebody's sake anyway.

Fun Conversations with Co-Workers - Ongoing

2008-04-24T18:37:00.000-06:00

Co-Worker #1: I was talking with one of our students, Zed*, and we were discussing lies and how terrible they are and I mentioned George Washington never telling a lie and the cherry tree and Zed had no idea what I was talking about.

Me: Okay.

Co-Worker #1: Social Studies teachers don't teach about George Washington and the cherry tree anymore? What's wrong with you people?

Me: Those stories never happened. Why would we teach something that never happened?

Co-Worker #1: I know they never happened, but they're good stories. They make people feel good. We've got to keep certain myths alive, Catherine!

Me: That's what Christian schools are for.

Thankyouverymuch. I will be here all ze week.

What a Whopper

2008-04-23T19:04:00.000-06:00

There is a human rights crisis in Florida's fields. Farm laborers are being paid poverty wages while working long hours without overtime pay. There is even physical abuse and wage fraud by crew leaders, supervisors, and growers.

There is a simple solution. Workers have asked Burger King to pay just one penny more per pound for tomatoes and ensure that the increase is passed on to tomato pickers in the form of increased wages. While other fast food corporations have already agreed to this small change, Burger King has so far refused to help workers out of poverty.

Sign the petition today and stand up for workers.

Our friends at the Coalition of Immokalee Workers have been championing farm laborers' rights for years. We worked with them to take on McDonalds and Taco Bell and won.

We'll win this one, too.

An Assignment

2008-04-23T07:48:00.000-06:00

A local paper asked me to write a few words for each of the three major candidates, as if they were being sworn in as President on Inauguration Day.

This is what I sent them:

John McCain: "They said the nation wouldn't support an old man out of touch with reality. They said people would reject my plan to spend 100 more years in Iraq and eventually invade the rest of the world. They wrote me off when I chose Dick Cheney as my running mate, saying it showed an unwillingness to break with the Bush administration. But we showed them, didn't we, Dicky? Four more years!"

Hillary Clinton:"I did not get here on my own. Pioneers such as Jannette Rankin, the first woman elected to Congress, and Hattie Carraway, the first woman elected to the Senate, paved the way. Heck, even Nancy Pelosi played a part. Our victory is the result of their hard work and sacrifice. Of course, they never had to campaign with an opinionated man who can't keep his hands to himself, but enough about James Carville. Maybe I do deserve some credit."

President Barack Obama: "Today we begin to move our country forward. All over this nation, people have been crying out for change. We must come together to build a better tomorrow. But first things first. Jesse, Al, Clarence, where you at? Let's get fabulous up in this piece."

The editor thought the last part was racist ("Ummm, I made it clear that he should be President. How is that racist?") but anyway, I rewrote it and to my surprise they published it yesterday.

Barack Obama: "All over this nation, people have made a choice between today and yesterday; with great hope and enthusiasm they have chosen the future over the past. To that end, it is my hope that in the future Dick Cheney takes George Bush on a few hunting trips and that Ted Kennedy drives them. Vice President Clinton, you feelin' me?"

I Thought Living in Florida during the 2000 Elections Was Embarrassing -

2008-04-22T19:24:00.000-06:00

But that was before I moved to Colorado Springs.

My community actually voted for this guy.

Where are all the Republican pundits who pounced on Obama for saying that Pennsylvania voters are bitter? Why aren't they condemning a truly elitist remark?

Then there's this - a musical about life in The Springs.

"The things people laughed at in New York were not at all the things that they laughed at in Colorado Springs," Ackerman said. "When I said, 'Every day I pray to Jesus in my car on my way to work,' people in New York laughed at that. But in Colorado, people were like, 'Yeah, I do that, too.' "

While the rise of evangelism isn't new to Coloradans, Blake thinks "This Beautiful City" will deliver a bigger shock to a New York audience.

"That's because I am a New York liberal, and I do think this piece is frightening. Just the idea that this rise in evangelicalism is not contained to Colorado Springs. It's spreading. And it's creeping into various parts of all our lives without our even realizing it. So it is actually quite threatening."

You might be thinking, "What's so embarrassing about that?"

Right. Well. You don't live here.

Big Day

2008-04-22T07:39:00.000-06:00

This happened last week, but I wanted to run it today to show where my support is at.

Any leader who can reference historical figures one day and Jay-Z the next...

is my kind of candidate.

To my Pennsylvania peeps, don't forget to vote!

Striving for Excellence and Falling Just Short of the Mark

2008-04-21T07:23:00.000-06:00

My children's principal might very well be unhinged.

His boss called me last week all angry that they're "losing good kids and it's got to stop." I'm realistic and understand there is little or nothing the school can do. Teachers are overwhelmed and don't have the time or inclination to worry about all their students. The children who require their attention the most are going to get it. I also know that if Administration were to kick out the aggressive and under performing kids, parents would sue.

Still, the teachers could have shown some understanding and, what my mother-in-law calls, sachel. If kindness were shown, Husband and I would never have complained to Principal's superiors.

Principal's Boss thanked me for bringing it to her attention and promised that "she'd get on him".

Then my next-door neighbor, Trudy*, tells me this bit of nonsense:

Trudy is moving next week and went to the front office to tell them her new address and contact information. For emergencies and sh*t. Principal told Trudy that since she's moving to another district, she's got to withdraw her children.

"There are only twenty-five days left in the school year," Trudy said.

"You should have thought about that before you decided to move," Principal said.

Cause they put children first. I gave her Principal's Boss's direct line and told her to go to town on the man. Enough is enough.

A smart, well-behaved boy that lives a few doors down isn't going to that school anymore either.

"What's going on, Duncan*?" I said. "We haven't seen you around school for a while."

"Mom pulled me out," he said. "I'm getting home schooled now."

Jeez, when non-Christian Fundies are pulling their kids out, you know the school system is going to hell.

Happy Passover

2008-04-19T09:37:00.000-06:00

How I Learned More From Colbert Than ABC News

2008-04-18T18:25:00.000-06:00

h/t Elizabeth

Are You In Danger of Raising a Wimp?

2008-04-18T07:46:00.000-06:00

You might be one of those parents.

And when I say "you", I mean "you".

Do you have:

--an image of your child silk-screened onto a tote bag?
--a Nannycam?
--a consultant who child-proofs your home?
--a role as executive manager of your child's life?
--a shopping cart liner?
--a life plan mapped out for your three-year-old?
--the idea that free play is a waste of time that detracts from achievement?
--a belief there are far too many sex perverts out there to let your kids play outdoors?
--dinner regularly with the kids, in a car, en route to different activities?
--to complete your child's homework or paper on one or more occasions?
--a need to contact the teacher or administrator to protest a grade your child received?
--a need to call the school demanding that your child be given a part, or a better part, in a play?
--a fear of leaving your child, who is more than three months old, with anyone including your own parents?
--a psychologist hired to test your child in the hopes of finding a problem?
--the intense need to finish something your child is struggling with?
--to pay your kid every time he or his team wins a game or every time he gets a good grade?
--to make a trip to school just to bring a paper or homework your child left at home?
--to get your kid into Harvard, Princeton, Yale or some other Ivy or you'll feel like a failure?
--GPS on your kid's cellphone?
--to tell your kid he/she is brilliant all the time?
--to tell your child that second best is not good enough?
--the sneaking suspicion that you might be doing too much for your child—after all, no one did so much for you and you turned out OK—but you fear that without your vigilance your child will be "left behind"?

Just to prove I'm not above self-introspection, let's take a look again at the above list. Okay...I'm not afraid of sex perverts as much as I am afraid of bears. And I can't executive manage my own life, let alone my two children's lives - which are really just 24-hours of sports talk.

Seriously. I'd die of boredom.

And I think Harvard or Yale would be pretty terrific, but let's say they get into University of Florida instead. I wouldn't be the failure. They would.

There.

As far as the rest of the list goes, clearly my parenting skills aren't as hard core. But if you recognize yourself in any of the above bullet points, you might need some help.

So here's a book.

You're welcome.