On the Other Foot

I have found my candidate

2008-07-03T11:51:00.001-07:00

Maybe we could move the White House to R'leyeh.

Why I'm voting Democrat.

2008-07-01T10:08:00.001-07:00

Yep, you read that right. You've seen the viral video that's going around called "I'm Voting Republican?" (If you haven't, there's an embed and a transcript here.) Well, I watched it a while back, and you know, I could see their point. It made me reassess my own priorities, and after careful reflection, I've decided to vote Democrat this year. Here's why:

I'm voting Democrat because I can afford to shop at little local boutiques and whole-foods stores. Can't everyone?

I'm voting Democrat because I don't really want a cure for AIDS or breast cancer. Research just turns up inconvenient findings.

I'm voting Democrat because I think new drugs should be made available immediately whether they've been tested properly or not. Certain ones, anyway.

I'm voting Democrat because I want my little girl to know all about sex before she learns to read. That way, even if she grows up illiterate, she'll always have at least one marketable skill.

I'm voting Democrat because disabled people are kind of icky. Who wants them cluttering up the place?

I'm voting Democrat because women can't be trusted with too much information. They need to shut up and quit asking questions. After all, it's their choice.

I'm voting Democrat because other people's religions are really stupid, and nobody should be allowed in certain professions if they believe differently from me. Not even on their own property. Not ever.

I'm voting Democrat because global depression and food riots are a small price to pay for keeping that oil in the ground. If just one polar bear lives a few years longer, it's all worth it.

I'm voting Democrat because my skin color defines who I am and what I can do. Only a race traitor would try to change his own circumstances.

I'm voting Democrat because tolerance isn't good enough. You must approve of all sexual practices. Or else.

I'm voting Democrat because corporations are evil. Especially the one that signs my paycheck.

Because there are too many brown people in the world.

Because people in other countries don't deserve safety.

Because babies are a punishment.

Because working for money shouldn't mean it's yours.

Most of all, I'm voting Democrat because...

If I don't, my vote won't be counted anyway.

Sunday Matinee: His Girl Friday

2008-06-29T15:35:00.000-07:00

In which Joel celebrates his departure from the news business.

This is almost certainly the funniest movie in the Internet Archive. How on earth it fell into the public domain is beyond me. Cary Grant and Rosalind Russell play off each other like a string of firecrackers, with dialogue that crackles with wit. The little digs at media and politics are gloriously snide. ("They... they ain't human!" "I know, they're newspapermen.") And watch for inside jokes hidden in the script. ("He looks just like that actor fellow... Ralph Bellamy!") You'll go a long way to find anything funnier than this film, before or since. If you don't watch any of the others I've posted, you'll still want to see this one.

"And that, my friends, is my farewell to the newspaper game."*

A tad melancholy

2008-06-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

If anyone's wondering why it's been so quiet here of late, let me assure you it's not because there's nothing happening.

The big thing is that as of next Thursday, I'll no longer be working at The Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™. I know, there are people who change jobs so often it's old hat, but believe me, they're not me. I've been at the newspaper for eleven years. Eleven years. At 40, that's right about half my adult life spent within those walls. (To give you an idea of how much of a fixture I've been there, take a look at this. Zoom in on the parking lot at the southwest corner of Third and Gumwood. See the bright yellow truck, second from the end? That's mine. Whenever it was that this shot was taken, I was there.)

It's been a bit rough, not only because I've put in so much time here, but also because my boss took my leaving fairly personally. He kind of went to the mattresses for me last summer to get me a raise so I could stay. Unfortunately, I still can't make ends meet, so I went and applied for the same job I turned down at that time. It's at a cardboard box factory, and I can actually get more at entry level on the floor than I can with a college degree and eleven years' loyal service to the Evil Kingdom of Hagadonia. Being middle-aged and out of shape, I'm not looking forward to suddenly doing grunt work again. But they've promised me all the overtime I can handle, and after working on salary, I'm looking forward to time-and-a-half. (Did I mention that I volunteered to go on salary a couple of years ago so I could do unpaid overtime and get my projects out under budget?)

It's made easier by this woman, who has been actively sabotaging my job for several years. (There aren't enough pixels available to detail all the ways she's spiked my work, but it's not a pretty story.) The last straw came in April. While I was out at a family funeral, she sent the boss an e-mail asking him directly to either demote or fire me, in large part to cover up for her own mismanagement. (Just one of many, I've learned since.) That was the trigger that finally made me go looking for work elsewhere. My boss's good intentions notwithstanding, I think she'd have gotten rid of me sooner or later. In any case, I can't afford to try and outlast her anymore. You can't work as a team when you have to guard your back from a teammate.

Still, it's a bittersweet thing. My kids have grown up as part of the extended Herald family. Heck, a couple of the ladies in composing made up the fake newspaper I used to propose to Christina. I turned thirty standing over a light table, and turned forty at this desk fifteen feet away. I don't really remember what it was like not to have a key to this building, not to watch the daily deadline schedule, not to read the AP wire when I come in in the morning. (Since I did much of my blogging at work, posting may be more seldom until I get a chance to do it at home.) And now the computer I set up will have all new bookmarks and settings, and the desk will have someone else's crap piled up on it. When I come back in, I'll be expected to stay at the front counter. I'll be an outsider at the Herald for the first time since 1997. I'll miss this place.

A tad melancholy indeed.

Maybe miracle, maybe not.

2008-06-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the Lord is funny. You can pray and pray for a miracle, and just when you've pretty much resigned yourself to a "no," He does something completely unexpected.

The really fun bit of news is that my dad's blood work was all within normal range, which is pretty friggin' unusual for a guy who has leukemia.

Internet people, there is no amount of spin I can put on this that will improve your opinion of me. I know it looks like I lied to you three weeks ago when I said he would die any minute. I swear, I didn't. We have no idea what his bone marrow looks like. He could still have leukemia. But if he does, it's not hanging out in his blood, which is where it likes to hang out when it is busy killing people.

I don't know much about leukemia, but I do know that there are a lot of people praying for Nina's dad, including people who aren't in the habit of praying. I don't want to start shouting about a miracle just yet, but it looks like it can't be ruled out, either.

On a mostly unrelated note, I meant to link Nina's post a while back about Jesus, scotch and marshmallows. I envy Nina her humility sometimes. If it were me, I'd be pretending to be all penitent rather than admit how hard it is sometimes to get back onto speaking terms with Jesus. Nina is a lot more honest.

Brendon one, Pompous Neo-Know-Nothing zero

2008-06-16T16:50:00.000-07:00

I love it when uninformed blowhards pontificate about their chosen field of ignorance. The Inquisition is one of the few things that can unite Chick-tract-thumping mouthbreathers and atheists educated beyond their intelligence. Brendon channels Aquinas in a polite but corrective response to this ignorama.

Pre-Father's Day reading

2008-06-13T11:50:00.001-07:00

I don't know if I'll actually post anything on Father's Day, but we can get the Dad-ism going with this on why Homer Simpson is EveryDad.

Take me out to the ball game

2008-06-11T11:57:00.000-07:00

For the last couple of years, Moses Lake has had a kind of a Z-league semi-collegiate baseball team, and we'll be going to see them tomorrow night. (It's Herald night, and paper employees and families get in free.) Nobody's ever going to mistake the Moses Lake Pirates for the Mariners, but in a town this size, it's good to have our own team to root for. We're the smallest town in the league, but our boys kick butt with the best of them. (Up to taking the championship last year!)

Where I grew up in Goldendale, little league and high-school football games were the biggest entertainment in town during the season. I actually played little league for a couple of years. I don't know if other guys my age remember these, but the league usually had a "loser team" with really patient coaches so that the kids who hadn't a hope of being any good on the field could still play. (Sort of a Bad News Bears without Tatum O'Neal and with less skill.) Not surprisingly, I was on that loser team every year. (Bernie Leingang and Pastor Sid Cox, if you ever Google your names and run across this, thank you for coaching us. You guys had patience that would make Job look like a crankhead.)

Go Pirates!

Update: Whupped up on the Olympia Athletics 5-1, which leaves us 6-0 for the pre-season. Like I told a co-worker at the game: Our votes may not count for anything in Olympia, but we can sure kick their hiney on the ball field!

Memories...

2008-06-10T13:59:00.000-07:00

I was cleaning my stuff out of a drawer at work today that I haven't used in a long time, and I came across this picture from nine or ten years ago. We must have been at a party at someone's house, as we're wearing name tags and I don't recognize the furniture. The little girl in the sweater and glasses is Ceidwen, my ~~wharf rat~~ oldest daughter. For perspective's sake, she's now twenty and about to render me an ancestor. (And knockout beautiful rather than cute.) But there was a time when she was (a) little, (b) adorable and (c) unembarrassed to be in her dad's company.

I can't wait to see how this comes out

2008-06-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

Lesbosians sue lesbians for besmirching their identity.

Three residents of the Greek island of Lesbos submitted a request to court against the Greek Association of the Communities of Homosexuals and Lesbians (OLKE), national media reported today.

The islanders demanded that the use of the words ‘lesbian’ and ‘lesbians’ be banned in the name of the association and by media, the Greek Naftemporiki newspaper reported. The submitters of the request claimed that the words’ adoption and use by the gay communities insults their place of origin and themselves. Many of the island’s women, they said, are ashamed to say where they come from.

This could open the way for lawsuits from Holland, as well. Stay tuned.

Baptist conversions taking a dip

2008-06-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

I couldn't resist.

Damn global warming!

2008-06-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

At this rate, we'll greenhouse ourselves straight into another ice age.

A legal perspective

2008-06-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

KG has a good dissection of the California gay marriage ruling here. I don't think it's going to be the end of civilization, but I do dread the climate of mandatory approval that I think is going to follow.

'The gas prices we deserve'

2008-06-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

George Will:

America says to foreign producers: We prefer not to pump our oil, so please pump more of yours, thereby lowering its value, for our benefit. Let it not be said that America has no energy policy.

Remembering D-Day

2008-06-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

More than any other day, June 6 is the time to recite the St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V:

This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

No matter how many times I read that, I can't get to the end without a throat-lump.

Centuries later, I wonder if Patton had that passage in his head when he addressed his men before D-Day:

There is one great thing that you men will all be able to say after this war is over and you are home once again. You may be thankful that twenty years from now when you are sitting by the fireplace with your grandson on your knee and he asks you what you did in the great World War II, you WON'T have to cough, shift him to the other knee and say, 'Well, your Granddaddy shoveled shit in Louisiana.' No, Sir, you can look him straight in the eye and say, 'Son, your Granddaddy rode with the Great Third Army and a Son-of-a-Goddamned-Bitch named Georgie Patton!'"

Read the whole thing here. Warning: Patton should have been named the Poet Laureate of Profanity, but it's all the more stirring for being phrased in a soldier's terms.

He was completely wrong in one thing, however: when he said "Only two percent of you right here today would die in a major battle." Fully half the men who landed that first day didn't make it to the second. My God. Half.

We owe our freedom to all soldiers, but more than any others, to those who landed at Normandy. For those who still remember the most decisive battle in modern times, and those who never came back, thank you, sirs. Just... thank you.

Heavy religious question

2008-06-02T12:01:00.003-07:00

When Mormon kids play in a field, do they get Gentile oats in their socks?

Discuss.

Thank you, gentlemen

2008-05-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

Rest now.

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years contemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

*

Insert Tim Taylor grunt here

2008-05-23T17:06:00.000-07:00

Via Ken comes yet another list of things a man ought to be able to do. I modified his a bit, striking out the ones I can't do and bolding the ones I can.

Let's make this a meme. Male readers, consider yourselves tagged.

A man should be able to:

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. Constantly. I'm a lot better at giving it than at living it out.
2. Tell if someone is lying. Fairly well. My oldest daughter still doesn't know how I could always tell when she was lying. Maybe when her own kids are teenagers I'll tell her how I did it.
3. Take a photo. Eleven years in the newspaper business have forced me to learn, but I'm still not good at it.
~~4. Score a baseball game.~~ Never done it. It looks straightforward, but there's probably aspects I wouldn't be familiar with.
5. Name a book that matters. The Confessions of Saint Augustine.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. The Grateful Dead. Go ahead. Ask me anything.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Are you kidding? My dad used to say that a man who can cook is never going to be lonely. My Lovely and Brilliant Wife would agree, between ladylike belches.
8. Not monopolize the conversation. Depends on whether I've taken my medication that day.
9. Write a letter. I can still do that, even in the Internet age. I wouldn't know where we keep envelopes and stamps, though.
~~10. Buy a suit.~~ I never, and I mean never, shop for my own clothes. It would be a recipe for stupid-looking. And on the rare occasions I wear a suit, it hangs on me like I borrowed it from my father.
~~11. Swim three different strokes.~~ I used to could, but now all I can do is kind of dog-paddle.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.> Actually, I'm pretty good at this. Spending lots of my childhood around old people helped.
13. Throw a punch. If absolutely necessary. I haven't done it since the night before my college graduation, though.
14. Chop down a tree. I'm from Goldendale. Of course I can chop down a tree.
15. Calculate square footage. I'm with Ken. Are there really guys who can't do this?
~~16. Tie a bow tie.~~ No clue. I can just barely cope with a regular tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. I used to brew an excellent brown ale. As for cocktails, I do fuzzy navels in a gallon tea jug that I don't think I could replicate in a glass.
18. Speak a foreign language. Spanish and Welsh, plus varying facility in German, French, Latin, Cornish, Italian and Portuguese. I was a serious language nerd in my youth.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. I've done that. Don't tell Christina, though; she hasn't twigged to how far out of my league she is, and I'd just as soon she didn't.
20. Sew a button. As long as neatness doesn't count.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. Yep. The trick is to avoid dogmatic statements.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. Next question...
23. Be loyal. Absolutely.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. I assume it refers to beverages. My tastes are straightforward. Beer doesn't usually take too much dithering. In a pinch, bourbon on the rocks is easy to remember.
~~25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.~~ I can hammer a nail, but not instinctively.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. Yep.
~~27. Play gin with an old guy.~~ I have no idea how to play gin.
28. Play go fish with a kid. Now there's a gam I can handle.
~~29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.~~ No, but now I'm going to do some reading until I can discuss it without looking too stupid.
30. Feign interest. Uh, I mean, "No, honey! I can't! Really!"
31. Make a bed. Again, as long as I don't have to be very neat. Christina usually just sniffs and does it herself.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I can say "Yum" or "Yuck." I'm married to a northern Californian, so I know better than to fake wine knowledge.
~~33. Hit a jump shot in pool.~~ Not without tearing the felt.
34. Dress a wound. If I had to, I could. I haven't had to do it with anything serious, though.
35. Jump-start a car, change a flat tire, change the oil. Yep. I'm no mechanic, but anyone who can't do those things shouldn't be driving. Especially not in the kind of cars I can afford.
~~36. Make three different bets at a craps table.~~ Nope. I haven't the foggiest.
~~37. Shuffle a deck of cards.~~ Yes, Ken, there are adults who can't. Or at least not with any sort of grace.
38. Tell a joke. It's stopping that's difficult.
~~39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.~~ Are you beginning to get the idea that I don't gamble much?
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. By now, I think I've got the hang of this one.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. Yep.
~~42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.~~ Not really.
~~43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.~~ I've done the last, and I think I could handle the other two given time and no kids yelling, but I'm going to call it a "no" just because I'm not that confident.
44. Ask for help. This one I can do.
~~45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.~~ A cop friend of mine taught me once years ago, but I don't know if I still could.
~~46. Tell a woman's dress size.~~ Not that I'd be so stupid even if I could.
47. Recite one poem from memory. Ozymanias the King, off the top of my head. I believe there are more.
48. Remove a stain. With eight kids? Damn skippy.
49. Say no. See #48.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Yep, although nobody in the house likes them that way.
51. Build a campfire. Yep.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. Story of my life.
~~53. Sometimes, kick some ass.~~ Not really, either literally or figuratively. I tend to take what comes down the pike.
~~54. Break up a fight.~~ Oh, I suppose if I had to, but I've never tried.
55. Point to the north at any time. Generally.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person. Do what, now? I guess so.
57. Explain what a light-year is. Yes.
58. Avoid boredom. Who wants to avoid it? I'd kill for some.
~~59. Write a thank-you note.~~ I'm not going to claim credit, because I'm the worst person for remembering to write them that I've ever known.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. Yes
61. Cook bacon. First thing I learned to cook.
62. Hold a baby. Again, see #48.
~~63. Deliver a eulogy.~~ Not for anybody I cared enough about to eulogize. I couldn't keep from tearing up.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. Trick question. By the standards of his time, he wasn't.
~~65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap.~~ Nope.
~~66. Throw a football with a tight spiral.~~ Nope.
~~67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.~~ Nope. Can you tell who hated gym class?
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. I haven't been in the woods for a long time, but I'm pretty sure I still could.
~~69. Tie a knot.~~ This probably means the fancy ones they teach you inn Boy Scouts. I didn't stay in it long enough to learn anything useful.
70. Shake hands. Yep. I can also roll over, play dead, and usually not make messes on the carpet.
71. Iron a shirt. I didn't think I could until I had to. It wasn't as hard as I thought.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Yes
73. Caress a woman's neck. See #48.
74. Know some birds. Some. I'm no expert, but I can usually pick out the obvious ones.
~~75. Negotiate a better price.~~ Nope. I feel impolite trying.

Saaah-lute!

2008-05-20T14:52:00.000-07:00

He'll never see this, I'm sure, but my grandfather is 89 years old today. Within a year of his birth, the two stupidest amendments to the Constitution were enacted: the Eighteenth and Nineteenth. I don't hold either of those against him, however. Meanwhile, he's seen a Depression, a World War, 68 years of marriage, four kids, ten grandchildren, and God knows how many great-grandchildren. If he holds out the way he is, he'll live to see at least one great-great-grandchild in September. (I'm not sure if my cousin Lori's daughter has kids yet, so I don't know if this will be the first or not.) I wrote about him here at rather greater length. I'll be calling him tonight, but I doubt he'll remember me.

Happy birthday, Grandpa!

A time to mourn, even when it's more fun to celebrate

2008-05-20T11:59:00.001-07:00

Looks like Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor. I'm sure there will be others on the right side of the political aisle who will gloat. I won't.

Yes, I loathe just about everything he stood/stands for politically. Yes, I'm angered by his insistence on flouting his Church's teachings while reaping the political advantages of being a member. And in particular I'm revolted by his fanatical support for the slaughter of innocents. But my dad, my mother-out-law and my uncle all died of brain tumors. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

More importantly, to be a Christian requires a constant awareness that - literally - there but for the grace of God go I. I've never left my date to drown in a river, nor have I ever sold out my principles for political advantage. Then again, I've never had the opportunity to do either one. I have done enough of my own sinning that I know how easy it is to fall into, even without the temptations that come with being wealthy and powerful. Jesus died for him and me both, because we're miserable offenders. Only the circumstances of the offenses differ. I can't be pleased at seeing another suffer what I deserve to, even if he deserves it, too.

May God make Sen. Kennedy's remaining time and his death as merciful as possible. May He grant him repentance and forgiveness as he needs it, and may He welcome Ted Kennedy into His kingdom shriven and holy.

That's family values for ya!

2008-05-15T09:22:00.000-07:00

It's never too early to get a head start on emphysema!

The boy's 26-year-old mother and 39-year-old aunt were eating at the restaurant last week when they held a cigarette up to the boy's mouth and attempted to light it.

The aunt told police that the boy often says, "smoke, smoke," and sometimes takes cigarettes out of a pack and puts them in his mouth.

The child had been saying "smoke, smoke" while the aunt was smoking in the restaurant, and she held her cigarette up to the child's face. When she took it away, he continued to ask for a cigarette and grabbed one from a pack on the table.

When the child put the cigarette in his mouth, the aunt held up her lighter to light it, but the boy did not inhale the cigarette so it failed to light. During this time, the boy's mother was paying for the food and when she returned to the table, he still had a cigarette in his mouth, and the two women began laughing.

That given, is the next part any surprise?

The aunt said the mother keeps a rolled up dollar bill in the bedroom, which the child plays with.

Any time the boy has the dollar bill he hold it up to his nose and says, "fix, fix" over and over again.

What in the name of every deity ever postulated is the matter with these people?

Evolving sidebar

2008-05-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

I happened to be looking through blogs in Moses Lake and found some gems.

Under "Prods," we have John Roberts' 5:30 Coffee, written by a pastor here in Moses Lake that I didn't know was blogging. I know John slightly, both from having had my kids at the local Christian school and from working on the newspaper's short-lived Christian magazine. He's always impressed me as having his head and his heart placed squarely in the Lord's service. I'll be checking back with him often; he seems to have good insights.

Under "Other," I'm adding Jonda. I don't usually go in for photoblogs, but this lady has some serious talent. In the interest of full disclosure, she also earns her living two desks away from me at The Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™. That seems to be keeping her too busy to post very often, alas.

Also, I'm regretfully going to remove Sagebrusher from the sidebar. Hindu hasn't posted since last June, his URL is up for sale, and he said in a comment a while back that he's not going to go back to blogging. I hope he'll still keep in touch, though, especially since I've lost his e-mail address.

Thank you for not jamming scissors into my skull, Mommy!

2008-05-14T16:02:00.001-07:00

Every time I think the limits of chutzpah have been reached, Murder Inc. manages to top it. This time, it's soliciting donations for Mother's Day. Yes, really.

The e-mail reads:

"Dear Friend, Join us! Make a Mother's Day gift. My daughter, Hannah, recently wrote this for a national magazine:

'I was raised by strong women. My mom, Cecile Richards, fights daily for women's reproductive rights and social justice as president of Planned Parenthood. It's a legacy she got from her mom (my late grandma), Ann Richards, the former governor of Texas. I've learned that the most rewarding battles in life are those waged for something you truly believe in.' ...

"... As Mother's Day approaches, I am grateful for the opportunity to make a difference and hope you'll join me. Happy Mother's Day."

Happy Mother's Day ... from the one you didn't dismember! With love from your worthless little clump of cells.

I'm so glad I didn't see this last weekend. H/T to Protein Wisdom.

Good boy!

2008-05-14T12:57:00.000-07:00

Abortion whore gets a Scooby-snack from his masters.

Of course, he's been a satisfactory servant to the abortion industry all along, with stomach-turning fidelity:

This brings us to the next category of human being Obama says has no intrinsic right to life: Babies born “accidentally” while a doctor attempts to kill them by abortion.

This is a necessary consequence of Obama’s embrace of abortion throughout all nine months of pregnancy. Most of us know parents who have cared for preemies — premature babies, born too soon. With the abortion industry’s wide-scale attempts to kill American premies and nearly due children, some will be born alive accidentally.

Whistleblower Jill Stanek, a Chicago nurse, described the practice of killing babies in what is now known as “live-birth abortion.” Illinois tried to stop the practice. But in 2002, as state legislator there, Obama voted against the Induced Infant Liability Act, which would have protected babies who were “accidentally” born alive during attempts to abort them.

“I could not bear the thought of this suffering child dying alone in a soiled utility room, so I cradled and rocked him for the 45 minutes that he lived,” Stanek told the U.S. Congress, describing one such case. “He was too weak to move very much, expending any energy he had trying to breathe. Toward the end he was so quiet that I couldn’t tell if he was still alive unless I held him up to the light to see if his heart was still beating through his chest wall.”

After Stanek’s testimony even N.Y. Democrat Jerrold Nadler, who says he is “as pro-choice as anybody on earth” supported and spoke in favor of the bill.

But for the abortion industry and Obama, opposing the right to life has meant uncompromising dedication to a counter-principle. For Obama, protecting the unstated principle “unwanted children do not have the right to life” is the only way abortion can remain legal.

I don't care how charismatic and charming the man is, Barack Obama isn't fit to be elected dogcatcher.

56 Questions meme

2008-05-13T16:34:00.000-07:00

I've tried to stay clear of memes for a while, since no matter how many you answer, there are always more being sent your way. But since both Ken and Ricki succumbed to the temptation, I guess I might as well, too.

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?I had a tumor removed from my right hand when I was a toddler. Even today, the only way I can remember right from left is that the right hand is the one with the line on it.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? A couple of posters that the kids gave me, a charcoal portrait of Jerry Garcia and a monster bookshelf. Other than that, the walls are pretty bare.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 12:29 p.m. Every year I try to call my mom at that time and apologize.

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? To get out of debt.

5. WHAT DO YOU MISS? My grandmother, my dad, and Redhook Double Black Stout.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? Gosh, I don't know. I have a wooden fire truck my grandparents sent me from Italy when I was about three, and a copy of The Kingdom of the Winding Road that belonged to my grandmother when she was a little girl. I also have a rosary that Christina made for me while we still only knew each other online. Those are pretty prized.

7. HOW TALL ARE YOU? Six foot three.

8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY? Of what? I'm usually too stressed to be genuinely afraid.

9. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? Losing a child. I can't even imagine what that would be like.

10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? The exact shade of brown that graces my Lovely and Brilliant Wife's head.

11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR? See above.

12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Coffee. The older I get, the less I consume, but that's a decrease from a habitual seven-shot latte.

13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Shrimp. Do you know how few places will put shrimp on a pizza anymore? I remember when it was common.

14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Steak and kidney pie at the Horse Brass pub in Portland.

15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME? Green, I guess. Which makes it a little incongruous that I live in the desert.

16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? Nope. But then, I'm not trying to find the location of a safe-deposit box full of diamonds.

17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED? I can't recall the first, but my dad gave me a watch for my high-school graduation that my grandfather, his father-in-law, had given him. It had been bought new for Grandpa in 1939. I still wear it.

18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH? I've had a long-standing infatuation with Lauren Bacall. My wife is very understanding about that.

19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? I can't really afford to buy particular brands over others most of the time, but I do wear an Akubra hat, and when I'm forced to wear a tie, I wear a Garcia.

20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT? An early 1960s Corvair, preferably a drop-top.

21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Been there, done that, bought the abandonment issues.

22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? To Vancouver, B.C., several times, and to Wales for a week many years ago.

23. YOUR WEAKNESSES? I'm very distractible. That tends to... hey! Is that a Tootsie Roll over there?

24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Not really. I met Peter Kreeft last year, but he's only well-known in certain circles.

25. FIRST JOB? Hauling firewood when I was about 11 or 12.

26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Not since I was old enough to sound like an adult on the phone. There was a family named Vader in my hometown, which made them the perfect target. They must have gotten really sick of smart-ass kids asking to speak to Darth.

27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE? Heck if I know. I'm just happy with what I've got. And I got a lot of misery from looking for a soul mate in my younger days.

28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT? Talking with my boss about upcoming Internet work.

29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? Yes.

30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? Writing, I guess. Every time I have a column in the paper, people stop me in the store to tell me they liked it. can you tell it's a small town?

31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? I'd kind of like one off those USB turntables, so I can put my vinyl collection on CD. But those are a little spendy for our budget.

32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? Every time I make a suggestion as to a limit, God laughs at me and hands me another.

33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? One Joel Abshier, whom I barely remember. My parents still have some furniture he made.

34. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST TURN OFF WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX? Women who object to traditional manners, like opening doors or standing when they enter the room.

35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL? Being able to go anywhere in town without my mom worrying about something happening to me. Moses Lake isn't a very dangerous place, but it was a lot safer in Goldendale in the 70s.

36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? I'm too nearsighted to read the bottle in the shower, so I use whatever looks like shampoo.

37. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Define "handwriting." I'm not sure what I do on paper qualifies.

38. ANY BAD HABITS? Silly question. I have Tourette's; my life is filled with minor bad habits.

39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON? I wouldn't say so. Why? Who told you I was!

40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably. I'd get on my nerves eventually, though.

41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS? Hell, I don't even believe in girl/boyfriends with benefits. If there's anything I've learned from years of being a lousy Christian, it's that nookie without a ring always leads to misery in the long run.

42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Release? Who has time to release it? Someday it'll reach right up through my chest and strangle me.

43. WHAT’S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE? To raise good kids, make my wife deliriously happy, and eventually go to Heaven. Everything else is kind of peripheral.

44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? It's a bit of a stretch, but my favorite thing was a fort my uncle built in the backyard for me and my sister. It was a two-story jobby, with a playhouse below for her and a crow's-nest/castle keep/darn near anything in the top for me. Bestest toy I ever had; I wish our yard had room for one like it.

45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? Three. It's a company phone for the moonlight job, and it has some other employees' numbers in it. I don't use cell phones by choice.

46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID? No, but some of my kids were. I hated having to watch him when my oldest was little, but then, he wasn't aimed at me anyway. I think he was great for the kids.

47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?I guess I'm a smashed potatoes kind of guy.

48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?  Yep.

49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM? Christina and I each have one. And all the kids have their own in the family room, too, all networked. Any family with Number One Son in it is jolly well going to be wired.

50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT? Cook dinner and get the urchins off to bed. I was up at 2:30 this morning for the side job, and I could stand a little unconsciousness.

51. WHAT’S THE FASTEST YOU’VE EVER GONE IN A CAR? 120, in my buddy Dean's 70-sommething Nova when I was in high school. We were on the Biggs-Rufus Highway (you can see the area here), and we pegged the speedometer. There were three of us in the front seat (no seatbelts, natch) with me in the middle, and while we were flying down the road, the guy on the passenger side opened the door, stuck his foot out, and scraped the sole of his tenny-runner on the asphalt to see how hot it would get. And we were all sober, even. The stupidity of teenagers knows no bounds.

52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?   co-worker bitching about yet another employee of hers that quit. What she doesn't mention is that she put the poor girl in a position where she had no choice. I'd say three quarters of the turnover in this office is due to one person.

53. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Stale coffee from the office pot.

54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? Republican with strong libertarian leanings. In general, I figure the government probably isn't wiser than the individual, and if it is, it still has no business getting uppity with me. However, I'm also emphatically pro-life, which isn't usually a libertarian position. That issue, and free exercise of religion, are my strongest voting points.

55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM? I dislike that terminology. Better to have a fairly accurate self-image than to worry about low or high. Besides, I'm really not good enough to deserve self-esteem anyway.

56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? I'd like to say I'm re-reading The Imitation of Christ, but I'm not getting far enough fast enough to be able to say that. When I get time to read, it's usually something I've read a dozen times already, just because I can put my brain in neutral. George MacDonald Fraser and Harry Turtledove are old standbys. I'll make it through Imitation eventually, though. I loved it the first time I read it, years ago.