The Rabbi's Kid

Selach Li, Mechal Li

2006-10-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

I know I don't deserve it. Not by any means. But please.

May Hashem have mercy on my soul

So long .....

2006-09-22T07:48:00.000-07:00

and thanks for all the fish

Don't tear me apart

2006-08-29T06:54:00.000-07:00

What started out as some bytes of binary
barely 1s and 0s through fibres so bizarre
became so much more

The relationship we built, faceless, nameless
across countries, oceans, continents
is extraordinary, more extra than ordinary

Not based on looks nor personality, but what?
Your thoughts, opinions, jokes
Ideas so pure and bright, shining through me

The time we invested, spent, never wasted
Energy from the soul, pouring into you
Emotions ripped open, eloping to where you are

My bank account, growing in interest daily
Even if we never meet
I want it to come to fruition, the natural way

How can you take that investment, those emotions
close it, cut them, brake them apart
and walk away?

Leaving me empty, soulless, drained, in despair
the emotional life-blood pulled away
my finances wrecked, rocky, shorn

Let nature take its course, its time
let the emotions go where they will, it's fine
that is the way of the world, the way things are and will be

I am the one who cries when someone dies on ER
I invest in my friends and hate losing them
Time cannot heal the pain

You know who you are
don't tear me apart

G-d on high, Bring him home

2006-07-31T10:38:00.000-07:00

God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there

He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.

Lord, the world is watching
waiting,
to bait your people
to bring down your Name
to see your Land
crushed, burnt, blown up
by the ones who swore to destroy Your people.

Your sons held captive
Have you no mercy?
Do you not care?
Your people cry out
but you are not there.

Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home

The top of the hill

2006-06-16T01:21:00.000-07:00

They said the view from the top was quite simply breathtaking. The sheer sweep and range of the view would knock you out, leave you gasping for air, even demand you lie back and take it all in. There are those who are out of breath, unable to move for a few minutes.

It isn't always easy to get up there. Some girls, after a number of attempts, discovered the way up. A few of them realized that if you put your fingers and toes in the rights crevices you could make it up there quickly, and proceeded to do so. Others struggled the first few times, but when they got to the top they knew it was worth the effort, and they got better at it.

Some of them didn't make it to the top. Social pressures, nerves, religious issues preventing them. Maybe they weren't sure of the rewards up there, maybe they got close but didn't quite make it and gave up.

A few stood around near the bottom, waiting for a guy to take them to the top. Though they failed to realize that many guys didn't know the way up themselves, especially the novices, who also needed someone to show them the way. This led to a lifetime of misery near the bottom of the hill, never knowing what could've lain in wait at the top.

Many didn't believe the view was that special. It wasn't something you could describe, you just had to experience it for yourself and until you did so, you probably didn't know what you were missing.

So don't miss that view, get yourself up there and discover it for yourself.

TRK

Do we have the Torah yet?

2006-05-31T06:41:00.000-07:00

What do we have?

A bunch of guys with straggly beards swaying back and forth and debating chakiros in Chetzi Shiur or Hezek Reiyah. Do they know and investigate G-d's Word or the concept and beauty of revelation?

People who judge other people and potential shidduchim based on the size/style of their (minhag) head-covering or their shirt-color (!) and not their (Deorayta, very serious) middos of love, warmth, friendliness, generosity and care for others.

Supposedly G-d fearing businessmen for whom making a fast buck unethically or cheating on your tax forms is not only acceptable, but it is positively a chiyuv.

Guys that would run a mile and pay a fortune to see the latest film, or a glimpse of Hollywood's hottest property (Natalie P. you know you are for me!), but to spend time studying or contemplating G-d's earth or Book is too much for them.

Bans being distributed left and right against people who dare to raise questions, to argue, to debate and even to doubt. Where is the encouragement? The free-spirited honest debate that will refine for us a greater appreciation of G-d's emes?

Wonderful, wholehearted servants of Hashem who are looked down upon because they are not married. These beautiful tortured souls are crying out for support.

Thousands of weighty tomes and severe lectures about the finest minutae of Halachot, many of which are not applicable nowadays, yet minimal discussion of connection, chosenness, spiritual creativity and the Big Man Himself (not you Barry Bonds!).

Let us take this time out to appreciate our purpose here, the fact that we have many forms of revelation and numerous valid ways of connecting to Him and His word and implementing it in our lives.

I don't think we have the Torah yet. Do you?

TRK

The Half-Baked man who wouldn't listen - a short story

2006-05-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Eugene Steadman was a dour, staid, punctual guy. In his town, people didn't say "it's reliable as clockwork", they grew to say "it's reliable as Steadman". He liked his routine and he stuck to it.

Every morning he would come downstairs and settle himself down at the kitchen table, take his time reading through the financial news and sip on his black coffee, one sugar. After waving his kids off to school, he would pick up his briefcase at 9.27 precisely and begin the 33 minute walk to work. He would nod at the same people as he trotted by, on his way to his job as a bookeeper in the local accountancy firm. At 3pm on the dot, he would pick up his briefcase and head off home, using the same route and nodding to the same people, Truman Burbank-esque. There wasn't too much bookeeping work to be done at this small town and he could leave the same time every day.

Due to some quirk of nature, the sun was very strong in Steadman's town. Maybe there was a hole in the ozone, and his skin was especially sensitive. The right side of Eugene's face would get the sun on the way North to work, and the right side would get the sun on his way home South in the afternoon.

Over the course of a number of years, Steadman's skin started to show the effects of his walk in the sun every day. The ride side of his face became blotchy, mottled, patchy. It turned pink, red, streaks of brown. The left side of his face remained the same old pasty white Steadman color. The local kids, who never failed to be cruel when the opportunity arose, would laugh at him and threw stones at him. He accumulated many nicknames, including splotchy, half-face, the joker. But Eugene carried on walking.

His wife pleaded with him to change his routine. Eugene Jr. begged him to do something different, he was also suffering the insults in school - "splotchy junior" and "little joker" particularly inflamed him. They brought in doctors and dermatologists to explain to him the dangers involved, psychologists and psychoanalysts to examine his deep-seated need for routine and his stubborness to stick to his routine, but to no avail. He wouldn't listen. Eugene kept on walking the same route to work, every day.

Eugene passed away after 30 years of work. Those seated in the funeral parlor could only see the left-side of his face, but they all knew that the right was horrific, burnt, scarred.

Which one of us isn't Eugene?

TRK

My faith in Blogging restored

2006-05-19T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have become jaded recently, overwhelmed by the number of blogs out there. Swamped by the sheer mass, is there any point any more? I continued to write, mainly for myself, partially because I believe I still have something to say and partially for my ego, that there are people out there who still read my words.

And then Anonymookie posted here, reinforcing my faith that I should continue to throw my thoughts and ideas out there, to comment, to post, to speak my mind. Who knows what may come of it, maybe I can continue to have a small effect on the universe?

Maybe when I get to the Beis Din Shel Maalah and the prosecuting angels drag in those huge sacks of sins, brimming to the top with large, heaving nasty transgressions, maybe then some of my words here can come to defend me, can show how I have also had a positive influence on people with whom I would never normally have had a chance to speak to in regular life.

If by the clak-claking of my fingers on my keyboard I can have unseen effects somewhere else across the globe, then let Chaos theory be my guide, and let my words continue to flow from my keyboard into your hearts, Amen.

TRK

What's wrong with "The Apprentice"?

2006-05-11T09:43:00.000-07:00

Well, apart from the fact that I am always concerned that whatever nests in the Donald's hair will wake up, sprout wings and fly away, there is plenty wrong. I mean it.

The show is fascinating, an insight to a world many out there have little or no connection with. A world of might means right, money talks, power is the answer.

There have been occasions when the Donald has been on the verge of evicting someone, but that person effectively argues back and places the blame on someone else, who gets the proverbial boot.

As a believing G-d fearing Jew (well, most of the time) I hope I can contribute my two cents. I can stand up and say "Zeh lo haderech", this is not the way. We do not want to reward aggressiveness, pushiness, back-stabbing. We shouldn't be working for our asset-strippers, our insurance companies, Big Tobacco and their lackeys.

If the halachos of Onaah, Hasagas Gevul, and the rest of Choshen Mishpat have taught me anything (and they probably haven't), it's that this is not how we want society to function. Those of us who care, need to say no. We need to walk away from the temptations, the good money earned the wrong way. There is a better way, a godly way, a way to contribute to society and earn a living without trampling on people, ruining their lives, stabbing rivals in the back.

There must be. So help me G-d. We can't let the Donald win.

TRK

Tell yourselves a story tonight

2006-05-02T11:41:00.000-07:00

A story that really begins way back when in the mists of time. But we pick it up a couple of hundred years ago, when the pupils of the Vilna Gaon and also ironically enough the pupils of the Besht were sent to live in a dusty land, far away from civilization, a land that lived on as a dream in the hearts of a few.

Then came a couple of Rabbis, Kalisher and Alkalai, who promoted that dream. A journalist, estranged from his Jewish roots, took up the baton after being horrified by the Dreyfuss affair. He worked tirelessly to bring about this crazy, wacky, outlandish idea.

Hundreds of thousands followed, tilling the soil, working the lands, like in Nechemiah's time, with one hand on the plow and one hand on the gun. Faced by malaria, malnutrition and a hostile enemy, they planted seeds, the fruits of which we are reaping today, as per Choni Hameagel's carob-planting friend.

Many gave up their lives, grieving over lost sons and daughters who died for this deserted desert. But the marshes and wastelands began to sprout. It was ready to receive the weary, starved remnants of great Jewish communities across Europe, tattered and torn on the inside and out. They were accepted with open arms and running battles were fought with the British over every lost soul.

Then another miracle occured 58 years ago tonight. For the first time in 2000 years G-d had seen fit to grant the Jews a State, a Homeland, soveriegnty over the ancient land where Abraham walked, where Moses dreamed of going and where King David ruled. Since then, it has been plagued with many things, but more than anything else it is plagued with miracles.

Its survival against all the odds, against hundreds of millions of armed enemies, desperate to destroy it. It flourished and grew beyond anyone's wildest dreams. It became a phenomenal place, technologically advanced, absorbing millions of immigrants, able to rightfully hold its head up high amongst the nations, proudly proclaiming itself to be a success.

Tell yourselves this story tonight, and believe in miracles because they do happen.

TRK

The Coolidge has no effect on me

2006-04-25T13:43:00.000-07:00

I discovered recently a term for the way many of us behave - the Coolidge effect. You can read where the name came from here. In short, animals do not choose their mates randomly. They identify and reject those with whom they have already had sex, and move on.

It is the temporal need for newness, for freshness, for new challenges, to find another partner, not to get stale, old and boring.

We are constantly searching for the scent, the raw, fierce tension. It is a life-long challenge for us to settle down, to stay with one female, one person, one partner, to wake up next to them every day. This affects all of us in some way or another.

So if you are in a relationship, or thinking about heading into one, be smart and be cool, keep things fresh, keep the challenge on, don't let things get too stale and dull. And good luck. And wish me luck.

TRK

L-rd, Cleanse me

2006-04-12T02:15:00.000-07:00

L-rd, cleanse me
wash away my grimes and misdemeanors
purify me

Take these crumbs of sin
incinerate them
let no dog want to eat them

Cancel my desires
like dust and dirt
Gone forgotten forever

Let sin no longer rear its ugly head
nor bite me in the ass
boy that hurts

We'll celebrate the exodus
from slavery to my material wants
to freedom for my soul

Purge me
Free me
Save me

Because I can't

The One Call you shouldn't have to make

2006-04-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

1) "Hi, Michelle, it's Jason. Don't hang up, please listen. I know you told me you never wanted to speak to me again, but this is important. No, stop shouting at me and listen. I need to see you. Just meet me this evening, I don't care where. Ok, ok, you don't wanna meet me. Then just hear me out for two minutes, please. I was at the clinic, getting some tests done. They found that I was ... I am ..... positive. You know, I'm infected. Yes, they are sure, they did another two tests. Look, I know we used protection. But we did other things. You remember what we did, so you'll also have to get tested. No I don't know who I caught it off, it could've been you! Hey, we both know that's a lie, you could've got it from someone before me. Stop pretending to be all innocent and pure, alright? Just go get tested and let me know - and please don't tell anyone, I haven't told my family yet. I just got to figure out how to carry on - what a mistake i made."

2) "Ben, hi, how are ya, it's Leah, what's up? Yeah, I know we haven't spoken for a while, but I really gotta speak to ya. Listen, it's important. You gotta listen, stop telling me to leave you alone. I am out of your life, but I gotta tell you something , I'm pregnant. I'm carrying your baby. Yes it's yours, what are you trying to say? I don't know how it happened - you tell me. You were there, it's your sperm, I don't know how they got inside me, there were a number of close calls, who knows? It doesn't matter now. Don't YOU tell me to get an abortion, I'm the one who can make that decision. Are you messing with me? No I don't expect you to marry me, we broke up, remember? Look, I will get an abortion, I think, I just need to think about it. No you can't come with me, you are only offering to make sure I go through with it. You don't get it, there is a human GROWING inside of me, a miracle in my womb. I just got to figure out how to carry on - what a mistake I made."

TRK

Another year older, still no wiser

2006-03-31T01:00:00.000-08:00

I am in a pensive mood as I reflect on my blogoversary, a time to look back at a year of ups and downs, quality writing and awful poetry, inciteful issues and laughable diatribes. 365 days closer to the time G-d has earmarked for me to join Him back in the big movie theatre in the sky, to pay my dues, time after time.

8,760 hours passed by. Most of those were spent sleeping or in front of a computer. Did I make a difference to anyone? Could someone have read my words and stopped and said "yes, TRK is right, I will stop being a coward and ask out the girl I've liked for so long". Am I a third of the way to Gan Eden?

Have I become any closer to G-d, to doing His will, to becoming the person He knows I can be? Thousands of souls are clamoring for TRK to touch them, enlighten them, inspire them. And yet I stay rooted to American Idol! Polar opposites, distant objectives, worlds apart. Who am I?

What will the next year if blogging hold? Shall I become old and jaded, yearn for the old days and the early gang, yet many have moved on, married, dropped off blogworld, advanced to bigger and better things? Or have they been replaced by a new fresher bunch, eager Young Turks ready for revolution, inspired to help overthrow this awful corporate apathy that descends like a dark heavy cloud over all of us?

I will keep going, because I believe I still have plenty to say, lots of challenging and penetrative ideas. I do still get attacks of insight that I haven't yet posted.

Thank you to all of you who have come here, read my words, commented on them - even if it is to tell me how wrong I am!

Long Live Blogging!

TRK

Bed Habits

2006-03-22T23:21:00.000-08:00

Just a few questions. Do you:-

- Turn over your quilt or pillow every so often or move your head around to get the cold areas?
- Change the sheets once a week, once a month or just wait till they become part of the bed and throw another one on (you know who you are!)?
- Leave a limb - usually a foot - hanging over the edge?
- Lean back and rest your leg on something half way up the wall?
- When feeling down, eat a whole bag of potato chips in bed and then torture yourself by rolling around in the crumbs all night?
- Climb into bed all sweaty after a game, only showering the next day?
- Have items on a stand at the end of your bed and sometimes knock them over when stretching?
- Have all sorts of useful things roll under the bed just out of arms reach?
- Your cover sheet can only reach any 3 corners at a time - which corner will you give up on?
- In winter you go to sleep in sweats and wake up shvitzing?
- Play a prank by making an apple pie bed, where the undersheet is actually folded up half way down the bed, so that the prankee gets in and cannot move any further than that?
- Use more pillows to read than to sleep, or just sleep on a ridiculous amount of them scattered around your head?

Feel free to ignore. Or add more. Or just snore.

TRK

The Lessons of Exile

2006-03-10T06:28:00.000-08:00

To introduce my general theories about Israeli politics I will first present my religious ideals. I am assuming we believe that G-d has a message for us in Jewish history, and that this message is discernable - as opposed to the causation of events and reasons for them etc.

So for the last 2000 years G-d decided to have us thrown out of most countries in existence, subjected to pogroms, dhimmi status, book-burnings, blood libels, Inquisitions, you name it we had it, even if we didn't expect it, because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition, we have two main weapons .....

Barring a few lucky years in one or two locations (Bavel, Golden Spain) we had it pretty bad, as a minority amongst a ruling majority who didn't like us very much. Walled up in our ghettoes, extremely restricted in the kind of profession we could do, subject to heavy taxation, we know what it is like to live as a minority. I would imagine this point to be self-evident.

After this inordinately long exile, G-d decided to grant us the gift of the state, to see how we will perform. Have we learned the lessons of the Exile, have we sufficiently internalized what it means to live in the minority? I believe we have failed in this.

It is also self-evident to me that in Israel that minorities do not get sufficient recognition and respect. Whether it be Sefardim, Ethiopians, Russians, Arabs, settlers, the disabled and others. It doesn't seem to me that those responsible with the running on the state really show large amounts of compassion to the minorities living amongst them.

It also disturbs me that the large majority of religious leaders do not speak up about this. They are not my leaders if they haven't yet learned the lesson that the Jewish people suffered so much in order for us to learn. I am not trying to present a political platform, rather a moral imperative that all Jews must have, especially those of us who believe that G-d has been trying to tell us lessons in history.

Israel has done a great job in absorbtion, but so much more needs to be done, and religious Jews worldwide should be leading the march and fighting the fight to show that Israel can truly be a succesful experiment, where the morality of the Jews shines through for all to see.

TRK

The Haves and the Have-nots

2006-03-08T17:04:00.000-08:00

Excuse the blogging hiatus, I guess I was in a blump (Blog-slump). This post is not about material existence, but rather joie de vivre, the passion and adventure of that wonderful gift called life. Some of us have it, others don't.

Many people vicariously live adventurously through others, as a means of enriching their existence. What do I mean? Well, par example, I once had a girlfriend who was not the most exciting nor the most adventurous of females, but she went out with a few "wild" guys, which I guess gave her life excitement and flair through them.

These primary people, the Haves, they are the ones who grab life by the scruff of the neck, shake it down a little, glare it in the eye and say "I am going to live you to the max, whether you like it or not". The vicarious ones, the Have-nots, merely allow themselves to be caught along in the slipstream.

The same is true in blogworld. I imagine there are many who sit around going "did you read X's blog?" or "have you seen what Y wrote?", without themselves having contributed or dared to write anything themselves. They are secondary creatures, living off the derring-do of others.

Many also get their kicks out of discussing their friends or relatives' antics, living their life through the prism of gossip and the frisson one gets when hearing about the adventures or misadventures of others. While the Haves have no need for this, their life being fulfilling and exciting.

I understand not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to become one of the Haves, someone stuck in a dead-end job all their life, or having to run a household with a layabout spouse, but more often than not it is in our hands. Who do we want to be, the Haves or the Have-nots?

Plenty more to come

TRK

The Promising Athlete

2006-02-23T17:39:00.000-08:00

They told him the sacrifices were worth it. They promised him that if he would focus and attain his goals, the rewards would pay off in the long run. But he loved his partying, his wild lifestyle, his girls. To sacrifice all that just for a shot at the big time, at the big leagues? Even when he got there, made professional, he'd still have to stick to the strict training regime, every morning, up with the roosters, watching what he ate, giving the clubs and ladies a miss, but for what?

They told him that once he got to the big time he'd realize what is was all about. That competing in the world championships was worth something, that the joy he would feel then would be worth all the pain and sacrifice. It is better for him to get to sleep early now, keep off the alcohol and the drugs, don't let the women entice him. So he can focus on the goal, of making it, of building something, of doing something valuable for the future. Who even says he would make it?

But right now he can't see that, he doesn't appreciate that, in fact he doesn't want that. He wants to live life in the now, the here, with whatever excitement life can throw at him, living for the moment, the thrill and rush. He doesn't believe it is all worth it, the sacrifice for the future, he just can't see it.

Vehamaven Yavin Hamoshol Vehanimshal (only the wise will understand the parallel) .

TRK

A War on Intolerant Islam

2006-02-10T05:16:00.000-08:00

Now that my emotions have calmed down somewhat, I might be able to express myself clearly, though again the chances of that are both slim and fat.

Firstly, I know that there are many millions of law-abiding, first amendment respecting, normal muslims out there, including a couple of fellow bloggers, for whom I have the utmost respect. But I am concerned, worried, disturbed, distressed. We are at a crossroads. Especially in the ticking time bomb for our European brothers acoss the pond.

Let's tell things as they are - the one thing in common between these protesters across the world is Islam. Most of them are indoctrinated to believe that someone who caricatures the Prophet Mohammed deserves punishment, even death.

I have no problem in peaceful protests, letters to the editor, all the tools of democratic society can be utilized against an offensive depiction of someone or something you believe to be holy. Please do. As a Jew, I know what it is like when people try and knock you down, trample on what you believe to be holy and sacred. You must fight it, denounce it as racist, abusive, intolerant etc.

But to respond with violence, to call for acts of violence against the perpretators, or any of the other despicable acts we have seen recently, that is beyond the pale. That is something the mdoern world cannot take, on such a scale. A fatwa against Salman Rushdie is unacceptable in today's world.

Liberal open societies work on the system "I may not like what you say but I will fight for your right to say it", i.e. if people want to publish or express their view, however racist, anti-semitic or disgusting I find it, they have the right to do so. As long as it doesn't incite violence. That is the beauty of open, modern societies. Long may it continue. We fought for it for a long time.

However, the attititude of much of the Islamic world is not like that. This is where liberal values and Islam's religious views clash, head to head, in a supreme battle for the world's future, to define what kind of societies will we live in. Will Europe in 2050 contain Londonistan, Central Europe one big Khilafah, our basic freedoms restricted or destroyed? The Middle East regress into a raging torrent of intolerance? The UN voting in a platform of worldwide sharia?

I know I am presenting a worst-case scenario, and there are millions and millions of peace-loving muslims who are also concerned. It is time for all of us to stand up and be counted, to state that we cannot allow this insiduous attitude to reign in our societies. Now is the time, before it is too late. Please.

A concerned and extremely disturbed TRK

An Amona moan

2006-02-08T09:16:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay, had to wait until I calmed down (which is why you won't see anything about rampaging Muslims and freedom of expression just yet!). A couple of words for the settler movement:

1. Policemen and soldiers are violent, they are trained to act brutally - anywhere in the world, but especially in a country where they frequently have to put down violent demonstrations.
2. If you are in a crowd that are throwing rocks and bricks at said bloodthirsty policemen, you are going to get hurt.
3. Like the Arabs, you have brainwashed your children to go fight for your land for you.
4. As in the past, you have run to settle the territories without checking to see if the people are with you, or in fact ignoring the fact that the people are against you.
5. Even more than in the past, the Israeli Jews have come to the realization that there will have to be some sort of territorial compromise of some sort, and creating NEW illegal settlements doesn't fit into that plan.
6. Couching your struggle in eschatological terms will turn more people away from your cause, and enable the media and others to demonize you even more easily.
7. On a more positive note, I admire your ideology, if only you would put as much effort into improving the lot of the everyday person, into educating the people that religion has a positive role to play in their lives then Israel would be a much better and safer place to live.

TRK

One moment in time

2006-02-06T09:29:00.000-08:00

One thing struck me yesterday. When Hines Ward went up to collect his MVP award, the announcer said that from now on he will always be able to walk in the procession of former MVP's. That means that his place is cemented in history, his achievements permanently rewarded. Just for a couple of good catches.

It got me thinking about every positive act we do, every smile we pay someone, brightening up their day. Helping out our spouse, parents, boss. Sparing a word or a thought for G-d, acting on our beliefs, improving the world, assisting a little old lady cross the street, doing a favor for a friend.

These acts get encased in eternity. Forever engraved in the sands of time and enscribed in the divine history books, never to be taken away from us. We can always walk tall with our heads held up high, come what may. Proud of our achievements, the good deeds that carry us through. The difference we make, not just to the here and now but to infinity and beyond (thanks Buzz!).

So people, be proud of who you are and what you've done, for your accomplishments and good deeds - we all have them and they can never be deleted.

TRK

Free your Soul and be One with the World

2006-01-29T16:44:00.000-08:00

Stop. Take a minute out of your hectic, fast-paced life. Put down your pursuits, discard your desires and listen. Not to me, but to yourself.

Close your eyes and focus. Hear the sound of your breathing. Distance yourself from the world around you, turn your thoughts inward. Into the space you occupy on this planet. Just you, nothing else.

You no longer have cars, houses, clothes, possessions. None of the physical accroutements that clutter your mind and tempt your heart. Dig through the external layer of your existence, shed the clothes that hide you from your true self.

Shatter the as yet unbroken glass of your ego. Delve through the crusty, hardened shell of your pride, the rough exterior that powers you through your existence.

Continue your excavation, deeper and deeper into yourself. Through the sleek, shiny veneer of cynicism, the smug, all-knowing intellect for whom life's grandeur holds no mystery. Crush that self-satisfied sardonic curse that twists all beauty, that denies the very existence of your soul.

Approach the heart gently, for this is the hardest. Pierce through the pulsating emotions of your wants and needs, tear a gaping hole through your very life force.

Tenderly allow your soul, the core of your being, to exit from the hole in your heart. Free it from its constraints, from the many layers built up over the years, that hide and bury it in the sands of your daily routine dullery.

See, feel, taste, smell, hear that soul as it breaks free. Allow it to roam, follow it as it discovers the world it was meant for. Harness its strength as it begins to recognize sister souls around it. It connects with the souls embodied in man, it uplifts the souls in every animal, vegetable and mineral.

Your unshackled self, finally unfettered by your selfish, personal wants, can now merge with the divine sparks in existence and is at one with the world.

TRK

Open my eyes

2006-01-16T09:22:00.000-08:00

Thank you, oh worthy blogger. Thank you for broadening my horizons, for opening my eyes. For giving others the opportunity to put their thoughts down for the world to see, and for giving me the privilege to read them and catch a glimpse into the life of others different to me.

I no longer have much contact with my charedi friends, they are all grown up, with ever-growing families, secluded and sheltered in their own communities. When I see them on the street (if they stray into this part of the world) I think to myself, "although we learn the same torah, keep the same mitzvot, worship the same G-d, we really don't have that much in common".

And then I discovered blogs. Blogs from people in that world, boys and girls who have far more in common with me than I could ever have realized. Similar struggles, issues concerning emunah, action, relationships, achievements, attitude, society etc etc.

Now, when I see them on the street, I wonder "hmmmm, could that be a fellow blogger? even if not, maybe he/she really is going through similar stuff to me".

Thank you blogger for opening my eyes.

TRK

The Abyss

2006-01-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

Like a cloud, a constant leech
beneath my feet

Darkness envelops me
suffocating me, stifling me

I see no reflection, no response
Just dark dank deep despair

No hope, no steps to climb back out
Out of the slippery slope

Wasted efforts, spent years
Cannot remove the monkey from me, breathing heavily in my ear

Pushing me into the swirling mists
Dragging me lower, into the depths

The cold, creeping tentacles of angst
Surrounds my soul, tighter, freezing me with its touch

Whither shall I run? Where shall I flee?
It is inside and I cannot flee from me

So I hope and pray it is temporary
and await my salvation, my saviour,
to come and set me free

TRK

The heavenly debate in the balance

2006-01-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

The heavenly court goes quiet, the hustle and bustle dies down, as the prosecuting angel steps forth. "Oh mighty one" he addresses the Divine Judge. "You of all people know that this mean has lived a long and fruitful life, his time has come. It is time to put an end to it"

"Objection" shouts the defending angel. "Presumptive argument, move to strike. Under section 4(b) subsection two of the law, there is a special dispensation for leaders who are needed by their people. I demand the invocation of this rule."

"And what say the people?" spoke the heavenly judge, the One who sees and knows all.

"Oh great one" pleaded the defender. "Do you not hear their cries, do you not heed their pleas? Will you grant this man more time, in your abundant mercy, to fearlessly lead your people?"

to be continued ....