Concealed Clamours

Afraid for Pisay

2009-03-27T00:55:00.001+08:00

Last Monday, we had to wait for almost 2 hours for Tony Blair's talk. I was talking to Jackie and somehow the discussion came to her asking why I entered Pisay and didn't choose to continue studying in St. Paul, instead. After all, St. Paul is a prominent school and a Catholic institution at that.

I tried to remember. Aside from the obvious fact that we didn't need to pay for tuition and that I received stipend every month, I thought to myself, "Why?" I wanted to remember the reason, not only for enrolling but why I have grown to love it so much and why at the end of my Pisay stay I knew I made the right choice all along.

And so while I was procrastinating last Tuesday, I decided to look at my previous Pisay blog entries to remind me why. More than being overwhelmingly reminded, reading through helped me see why the current Pisay issues don't make me and many other members of the Pisay community happy.

I have high respect for the Pisay faculty. They're competent and they have more than their own skills to show, they have batches of Pisay students who have become better under their care to show.

I have absolutely nothing against those who were allowed to graduate. After all, they didn't make the decision. Going through 4 years of hardcore Pisay education is no joke. It strains your mind, your body and even your heart. There's always the argument that those who fail didn't give their best and there's a high chance that's true. But despite whatever, to not graduate after all that(actually, even just having to leave Pisay regardless of the duration of your stay), well I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Pisay students are the best of the best from their schools. They're sent to Pisay with the hope that their skills will be sharpened and that their hearts will be toughened. That's what you get yourself into and that's what the school promises to give you. That's why both sides have the right to expect the best from each other.

I remembered writing about my Pisay stay in my Ateneo application essay and I concluded with this:

It was indeed hard. I could have stayed in my old school and I probably wouldn’t be as stressed as I am now. But I could now proudly say I chose the road less traveled. Many people already run away at the thought of Philippine Science High School. But that cannot be said of me. I chose to go through the numerous workloads, through the seemingly unlimited lessons in Biology, Chemistry, Physics and Math, through the pains of failure and through the pressure of being one of the country’s scholars. And now that I am nearing the end of this rocky road, I do not regret taking this path because I know I have become a better person not only for myself but also for the people around me and for my country. I have become unafraid of challenges because they make me stronger. If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would still want to be in Pisay because through pains, I have found myself, the people who truly love me and my God who never abandoned me.

I'm just afraid that the coming generation of Pisay students won't get to say that anymore. I'm afraid that Pisay won't challenge them. I'm afraid that this school won't push them to their limits. I'm afraid that the fulfillment and the struggle of giving everything that you can give to get through each week that have formed us, that we loved, that we laugh about now, that have made us learn about ourselves and the extent of our abilities, will cease to exist in the school.

Many people have said they're afraid that the quality of Pisay education will deteriorate. I'm one of those people. And the previous paragraph is what I mean when I say I'm afraid for Pisay.

This issue isn't situation-specific, people-specific or batch-specific. It's sad though that certain people and two consecutive batches (may I just say Batch 09 were my first children as a big sister so I love them to bits and pieces) have to go through all these. I just certainly hope they get their act together soon. It's not only the institution's name they're affecting. They're hurting its most precious resource, its people.

Hark daughters of the great St. Paul...

2009-03-26T21:21:00.002+08:00

Last weekend, my sister had her high school graduation from St. Paul.

I evidently missed the school and the people. I was reminded of how nurturing the community was. I knew a lot of people in my sister's batch and quite a number of their siblings have become acquaintances and friends in college. At this point that I've moved on to college, I feel even more connected to my 'children' in our grade school student council before than I do to my children in Pisay.

The awards that they gave reminded me too of one very important lesson I picked up early on during my grade school years - that every achievement and hardwork in any field/aspect deserves to be commended and is as important for my growth as any other.

Like other educational institutions, in SPCP, grades mostly decide who will become valedictorian and they give high regard to those who achieve academically. But they also gave credit to other achievements like leadership, org involvement, sports, outside contests and the like. And that was probably why subconsciously I knew that my holistic formation, participating in causes and activities you enjoyed and believed in and serving deserved my attention and my time as well even if I was in Pisay, where the school work were deadly and the demands heavy.

And so I wrote this down to remind myself that I love St. Paul and that it deserves a lot of credit and my utmost gratitude in having formed me to become the person I am today.

And also, just to share, there were some parts when I was teary-eyed. During the valedictory address(Annie, you'll never get to read this but know that it was awesome and lovely and beautiful! Everyone felt what you were saying even before you started crying. Congratulations!), I cried. I was thankful to have been part of that community for 9 years and though high school and college are where one spends his most important and memorable years, I say wala nang ibang institusyong pang-edukasyon ang masasabi kong kinasapian ko nang higit sa siyam na taon.

I'm proud to be Paulinian and I'm thankful kahit hindi ako kasama sa Alumnae association haha.

Hark daughters of the great St. Paul. Come listen to his call. Oh children of this loved school... Ang funny na nagkamali yung teacher. Hanggang ngayon epic pa rin ang Paulinan hymn kasi akala mo tapos na pero meron pa pala. Lol.

Stardust =)

2009-03-12T23:05:00.001+08:00

I watched Stardust a while ago and it was just such a nice feel good movie. :D An awesome quote:

You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn't true. I know a lot about love. I've seen it. I've seen centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain and lies. Hate... It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But to see the way that mankind loves... You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and... What I'm trying to say, Tristan, is... I think I love you. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

This made me smile ♥

2009-03-01T21:22:00.003+08:00

Ate Krz found this picture. :) This was during the e-night of Sigao. Napasmile lang ako nito. For everything, thank you God. :)

Photo survey :)

2009-02-18T08:36:00.015+08:00

from kara!
* Answer the questions below
* Do a google image search with your answer
* Take a picture from the first page of results
* Don't copy the answers of the person who posted this before you

1. The age you'll be on your next birthday

2. A place you'd like to travel

3. Your favorite place

4. Your favorite food

5. Your favorite animal

6. Your favorite color

7. First name of your significant other or crush

8. Your screen name/nickname

9. Your first job

10. A bad habit you have

11. Your worst fear

I miss my high school friends

2009-02-16T09:24:00.002+08:00

I love my college friends. I love YFC-A. I love ASLA. I really really do.

But I miss my high school friends. The only way I know what's happening in Ray2's life is when I read her blog. Fatima's when I see her multiply and she leaves a message in my tagboard. Greggy when I see his name in Ray2's blog. Ivy when I see her pictures in multiply. And just about everyone else (Henson, Ryan, Nico,...)through their blog, multiply or YM stat messages. I don't even get to visit UP or Pisay. I don't know what's up with our teachers, SCA, YFC, the fair, Science Scholar or just about anything.

I just realized my recent entries aren't very happy. Don't get me wrong. I'm generally happy. I probably just don't know how to write happy in a few sentences very well. hahaha.

thinking

2009-01-31T08:23:00.003+08:00

You know how it is when you have nothing to think about and all your unnecessary worries and things you don't want to think about come up.

While processing with a friend, I realized...

I don't like not knowing what's next. I don't like not knowing what I have to do tomorrow.

And therefore, I conclude that I need a life. hahaha.

My favorite part of the inaugural speech :)

2009-01-22T02:40:00.001+08:00

From President Obama's inaugural speech:
(Source) http://www.slate.com/id/2209228/

Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends—hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism—these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility—a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence—the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-22T12:10:00.004+08:00

In my favorite homily during this year's Simbang gabi season, the homilist said...

Christmas is a reminder of how God will never give us all of the answers to our life questions but how He decided to join us in and through the uncertainties.

Merry Christmas everyone! :D Enjoy the celebration of Jesus' birth with the testimonies of His love for you, your loved ones. ♥

waste

2008-12-22T12:03:00.005+08:00

We've been cleaning up the past few days. And as usual, I had to scan through my collection of handouts and papers since 1st year high school.
Side note: I'm really proud of myself for deciding to throw a lot of them. I had to let go.

There was one particular paper with comments from a teacher who I respect a lot that made me realize I might be wasting one of my skills that I enjoy most.

Oh well.

Hiatus

2008-12-12T08:51:00.002+08:00

I haven't been blogging at all recently (and I've noticed many people haven't been either). I guess it's because I've been preoccupied since I don't know when. And well, I have a physical and live journal and friends to talk to. haha.

A conversation made me think if there was ever a part of my schooling life when I just relaxed, didn't worry as much and didn't occupy myself w/ things other than my academics. Nothing came to mind. I must admit the idea is tempting but sounds and feels extremely absurd to me.

SUBMERGE =)

2008-11-17T09:20:00.002+08:00

YFC - Ateneo
DARES YOU TO DIVE...

SUBMERGE CAMP 2008
NOVEMBER 21-23
JOHN POLLOCK RENEWAL CENTER, ADMU

If you have any questions or want to sign up, go to Kostka Extension. :) See you there!!!

Senior moment

2008-11-17T09:13:00.003+08:00

Senior... as in I forgot something important.

I missed the UAAP-NCAA All Star Games. I missed it for more important things but still, I missed it!!! I totally forgot about it. Aaaah. What's happening to me? :|

Journal :)

2008-11-06T02:53:00.003+08:00

I had 0 blog entries for October. This hasn't happened since I started to blog.
Reason: There were a lot of events that I didn't have time to blog.

Last Monday, November 3, I came up with 3 blog entries regarding the championship that happened toward the end of September.
Reason: After ASLA 7, I bought a journal because I've been wanting to do so for the longest time and I saw Louise writing on hers a lot during the duration of the congress. And I love love my journal/notebook. I was reminded how much I enjoy writing. And to help mantain the order that I so desperately need in my life. Haha. Plus, it's pretty too. :D

Things I forgot to blog/do last month:
ASLA blog entry
Greet the many birthday celebrators :(

Getting over it

2008-11-04T12:41:00.007+08:00

Image from Mr. Rick Olivares' blog which was taken by Aly Yap

Last year, I had a blog entry "Before I let go" and it was because it's super hard to get over the loss against the Archers in the semi-finals and settling in the #3 spot of the UAAP Men's Basketball tournament.

This year I was so high after Ateneo won the championship. The countless beautiful stories about the teamwork, the love within the team and even the entire Ateneo community, the almost perfect season and all the steps that led to this victory. At the same time, we went through the overwhelming pride, joy, and gratitude after the game, during the bonfire Mass and the bonfire program, when wearing an Ateneo shirt and just knowing we're Atenistas.

At first, I thought the feeling of defeat last season would beat the feeling of victory this year but I was wrong. The Ateneo love was so strong that I couldn't help but get high. Soon, I found myself talking non-stop about the articles I read from various writers, how we got tickets for that last game and standing near the stage during the Bonfire (which thousands of Ateneans attended) even if it meant having an unwanted feet mud bath.

And so I agree with Mr. AR Samson when he says

Victories, even Olympic gold medals or World Cup Championships, need closure. This process is as necessary for joy as it is for painful losses.

But before I do just that, I want to have a fitting entry to share how beautiful the journey and the victory has been. And because the high has overpowered any writing skills I have, I shall quote from the best Ateneo sportswriters and fans who have made my being a fangirl more exciting and more enjoyable.

From Fr. Ben Nebres' homily during the Bonfire Mass:

So – let’s give a round of applause to our Lord and to our Lady whose song we sing: “Mary for you, for your white and blue”
...
And thank you to this wonderful community -- you have been with us and with our teams through ups and downs. Win or Lose, it’s the school we choose. Through the ups and downs, we are community. We are Ateneo.
...
Just before they went out to face La Salle in the final game last Thursday, co-captain Chris Tiu spoke to the team: Focus on our game, focus on the play. Remember that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. It is today, now that is the gift we focus on.
...
This is the story of all our champion teams. In the postgame interviews last Thursday, each of the Blue Eagles paid tribute to Coach Norman and thanked him for believing in them. They learned to believe in themselves and in one another. And they all became special.
...
You know they had to overcome pain and adversity. Nonoy was playing with great, great pain in his knee for the last weeks of the season. He said often he did not know how he could continue, the pain was so great. But he played on – played on great. Chris shared how he was a suki at the Moro clinic for all kinds of aches and pains. So much so that the sports clinic had a name for him “Made in China.” I shared with you last Thursday that the Friday before the Finals, Rabeh suffered a very serious sprain and was in great pain through Friday night and Saturday. We did not know till Sunday noon whether he would be able to play that Sunday. But with the miraculous gift of Dr. Canlas and Coach Andre, you saw what happened, a breakout game of 31 points.
...
Recalling Oogway’s words to Po: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today and today’s game is the present we focus on. Remember: There is no secret ingredient. We just have to believe. We are the Dragon Warriors.

So to all our Dragon Warriors, the Blue Eagles, the Lady Eagle swimmers, the Blue Eaglets, the Blue Eaglet swimmers, The Small Basketeers -- we are very proud of you. Just keep believing and striving even harder. Keep in mind the lessons you have learned of overcoming adversity. And you will grow up to be the young men and women who will win victories not just in the arena of sports but in the arena of life.

And, of course, now that the final victory is ours and we are at peace, we can join Shifu and Po after the mass and have something, maybe lots, to eat. God bless.

From Rick Olivares' The Champions:

Thus far, they were beaten in three games with one more until the mission was done. The day before game two, Nonoy Baclao was icing his knees at the clinic in Moro Lorenzo. The team earlier got word that the team practically romped away with the majority of the season awards. Rabeh Al-Hussaini, walked in shook Baclao’s hand and joked, “Mula ngayon, tawag ko sa ‘yo ‘Doy.’ ‘Defensive Player of the Year’ kasi pero panget pakinggan yung ‘DPoy.’” Baclao congratulated his teammate on his winning the MVP plum; the fourth Atenean to win the award after Jun Reyes, Rich Alvarez, and Enrico Villanueva.
...
The Blue Eagles showed everyone that they too can come back.
...
When the oncourt celebration began, Al-Hussaini and Black enjoyed a tearful embrace in center court. “Thank you,” said the coach to his center who enjoyed one of the finest seasons of any Ateneo player ever. “Hindi, coach,” replied Al-Hussaini. “Thank you po sa inyo.”
...
And there was Ford Arao wearing a Mike Baldos jersey with Yuri Escueta’s number taped in front. His large frame standing out in the sea of blue that had crowded the maple court. He smiled that big goofy smile of his and sought out his former teammates. He found his buddies Escueta and Baldos and the three huddled up. They emerged with tears in their eyes as Escueta tapped Arao’s chest as if to say, “Para sa ‘yo ‘to, Ford.”
The big man wiped his eyes and flashed that grin of his. “Para sa community ‘to.”
It ended right where it began. In the solemn refuge of the Church of the Gesu.
And win or lose, as always, every one was there to give thanks, celebrate, and to remember. After all, this is the Ateneo Way.

From Myopic Eagle's We're Back:

Skipper Chris Tiu’s grin is never so boyish in multimedia as now in triumph and fulfillment. The ball frozen in mid-bounce signals that only this winning moment, this culmination counts; his future, big and bright as it is, will have to await his grasp as he would the ball’s return. Rabeh Al-Hussaini is posted on the left low block, his eyes gleaming and arms akimbo in relief over his potential to exponential transformation. Jai Reyes, who has been playing bigger and better in the clutch since his grade school years, has both arms raised in true underdog, Rocky Balboa fashion and why not? He proved his value to the team beyond doubt, beyond statistics. Nonoy, over on the right flank, is slightly hunched … as much from fatigue as from his ever-readiness to swat a shot or spring for a rebound … but his drowsy eyes turn up at the outward corners in half-mirth and he allows himself a modest smile. And at the top of the key, standing firm as a molave sapling is the future of Ateneo basketball already arrived: Ryan Buenafe, he of back-to-back Staglets championships and the sense of Ateneo belonging going further than his Adidas blue to his warrior heart.

But reality breaks into my reverie. Rolly Manlapaz, the closet albeit diehard Atenean, barks his loudest, proudest “Last Two Minutes” above the din of the blue side. His clear baritone and the outcome’s finality rouse the Ateneo fan-tastics to an ever mounting crescendo of cries and cheers, hand-clapping and foot-pounding. Then ensues a countdown worthy of a Times Square chant on New Year’s Eve. Bedlam erupts and engulfs the ending buzzer in a lahar flow of Go Ateneo! and One Big Fight! The Blue Eagles are Champions once again.
...
After all, it’s not just this last victory, or the championship, that is cause celebre. It’s the odyssey towards this moment that will have pride of place in Ateneo lore. The perfect half-season, Final Four and Finals: 11 straight wins counting back to August 3. For good measure, in that run lies a sweep of the second round, semis and best of 3 for the crown. In mostly dominating, sometimes late-closing, but always decisive fashion. Who’d have thought that this team originally rated no higher than 4th or 5th by many pre-season cognoscenti would win it all … and emphatically so.
...
Off-season tourneys in far-off gymnasiums will tamp down the withdrawal symptoms and insatiable curiosity about aspiring and remaining Blue Eagles. We will miss Chris and Yuri much as we did Ford and Zion, JC, Doug and Macky, LA and Magnum, Larry, Wesley, Rich and Enrico before them. But we will survive. Other rookies and incoming sophomores and juniors will step up, even as seniors and super-seniors take our team game to ever higher levels.

The drama plays on, the thrills abound season in and season out. See you all in July 2009. We’ll have a crown to defend.

From Rick Olivares' The Bacon Chefs re UE-ADMU final 4 game:

Inside the Press Room, the gathered media prepared to vote for the season awards. The television inside was on mute as the introductions of the starting fives were announced. Within minutes, UE had a 7-2 lead. A member of the host media team from UP said to no one in particular, “Bakit ganyan ang Ateneo? Kapag big game nawawala.”

Oh ye of little faith.

In the summer of the Blue Eagles’ preparations (spring time in the United States) for the campaign that matters, Norman Black was one time exchanging notes with a counterpart when a tearful Jai Reyes approached the two. “How do I help the team,” he asked. “I get posted up; others shoot over me. How can I help?”

The camp director who earlier exchanged a few notes about the players with Coach Norman, looked Reyes in the eye and said, “Well, son, you have to get under their noses.”

All season long Reyes has showed a different facet to his game. He no longer enters the game with a gunner’s mentality. He runs the show and plays great defense that he can almost tell you what brand of deodorant his man uses (if they do at all).
...
So when the Red Warriors took an early 7-2 lead with about five minutes to play in the first, there was no look of panic in Al-Hussaini and his teammate’s faces. As bad or misfiring they were in the opening stages, they had stayed close. And that is all that matters. “Let’s go, boys,” he yelled and as if on command the worm had turned.
...
Ateneo was off to their seventh UAAP Finals appearance to face the defending champions De La Salle while UE was off to examine another damning fold-up.

Eric Salamat and Ryan Buenafe huddled with their former mates Lee and Reyes in center court. Marcy Arellano, in his final game in red, stood fighting back the tears. In 20 minutes of play, he had zero points in six attempts (one of which was an airball that missed so badly). He only had 2 boards; the same number of turnovers he committed.

The jubilation on Ateneo’s part was restrained. After all the job is not yet complete. “Two more games to go,” reminded Norman Black.

From Reflections on a Championship by Simon Mossesgeld which I got from Bleachers Brew (Since I was almost quoting the whole thing, I just quoted the whole thing):

I watched the first game of the championship live right behind the bench and marveled, as I have many times throughout this season, at how this team is a team in the best tradition: unselfish, hard working, with great respect for one another, friends on and off the court. The players are largely unassuming. They do not strut about to let the world know how good they are or their team is. They just do their part and play their best together. This is what strikes me most about this team and I think it explains best its championship character. I could not watch the second game because I was teaching in a seminar but resolved to immediately proceed to the Gesu. I had texted Paolo Trillo that morning saying I would see the team in the Gesu. That is how confident I was.
Someone asked me while we were waiting for the team to arrive at the Gesu after the championship, “Sir, do you miss being team manager?” I realized that I did miss it a bit but much, much more than anything I was very happy for the team. I was happy about how the coaching staff and management (and the school) formed the players into men we could all be proud of. I did not taste a championship during my two-year tenure but it did not matter because Ateneo basketball is more than championships. It is about giving it your best. It is about forming men with the right principles and values. It is about gratitude for all that we have received. It is about community. It is about God and this team, like many teams before them, is all these. But I sense there is more in this team.
A friend texted me the next day that she saw me at the Gesu that evening looking as if I was in a trance. I guess I was in a trance-like state. I was deeply thankful for God’s love for his players, his team and his Ateneo. I was very quietly happy for the team, for my fellow Ateneans and for the school and was simply content to bask quietly in the happiness and the gratitude that filled the church that evening. This is the Ateneo I grew up in and have grown to love.
Tonight we will celebrate four champion teams—three in basketball and one in swimming. I once again thank God for his blessings.

From Rick Olivares' Daddy Cool and that 1958 victory vs La Salle:

The following day, the late-journalist and television personality Joe Quirino visited the campus in Loyola Heights expecting to find a festive atmosphere. Instead the college was stone-cold quiet.

Quirino met up with the team's Spiritual Adviser and PT Fr. James B. Reuter S.J.

"Good morning, Father. Where are the boys?"

"Oh, they're in their classes taking their semestral exams," replied the Jesuit nonchalantly.

"After winning a championship?" asked the media man with raised eyebrows.

The good priest took Quirino by the arm as he showed him around Kostka Hall to check up on the players who were lost in thought as they took their tests. "Our players are students first and incidentally basketeers. We do not grant them favors just because they won a championship."

"Don't you think that they're tired after winning the championship?"

Fr. Reuter then explained that the team lost 30 players on both Team A and B between 1956 and 1958 owing to academic deficiency and breach of team discipline. "That's their lookout. Our players must have good grades to remain on the team. It is unfair to make a boy into a bum by passing him. They cannot be basketball players forever. They have to earn a living and basketball cannot teach them that."

From Chris Tiu's Bon Fire (September 30, Bellarmine Field):

I don't know exactly how long the waiting time is for those queuing. Coach Sandy overhears two people who had just come out of the tent saying: "Sulit na sulit ang hintay natin!" (It was all worth the wait.)

Those words said it all. Our efforts in signing and smiling were all worth it too even if we were extremely tired. In fact, I started getting all energetic again after midnight, maybe because I saw how we were able to put little smiles on their faces just by posing with them, signing posters, t-shirts and even body parts! We really appreciate everybody who came and supported the team all the way! It is really because of you people that move us to keep going and going until we can finally soar like an eagle.

From Chris Tiu's A Win FROM Him, and FOR Him (Don't you just love the title? :D Almost whole entry. hahaha.):

When Jai made that running jumper with 1 minute something left in the game, I knew we had it! All of a sudden the gallery in blue, as if choreographed, held up signs that said 'Champions' which filled the entire lower portion of Araneta. And I got goosebumps! I've never felt such happiness that it forced me to tears as the game was still on-going. Then, Nonoy and Rabeh hugged me in the center court while Jai was icing the game in the free throw line. Ryan Buenafe passed me the ball as the final seconds ticked and I just threw the ball as high as i could as the buzzer sounded! I wasn't thinking anymore. I hugged everyone that came my way! I just loved everybody! If I remember correctly, the first person i saw and hugged was Coach Jamike. I almost squashed his glasses upon my shoulders but I didn't care anymore! then I looked for my buddy Eric Salamat who came from the bench because of his cramps. But all the physical pain just went away at that instant. As I promised to Rabeh, I will look for him as the buzzer sounded and jump on him. But he was just too surrounded. Then I hugged Coach Norman, to whom we offered this victory greatly. For the first time, he said "I love you Chris" and I responded "I love you too Coach!" Very uncharacteristic for both of us who always appear very serious and with no reaction.

It was a "mission accomplished" after 6 years of hard work and pain combined. More than the sense of fulfillment, i felt like the weight which i had to carry with me was relieved once and for all. From now on, i'll be merely a spectator. How I will miss wearing that blue and white jersey with the name "Ateneo" on it. It was a fairy-tale ending for me and I thank everyone but most especially I thank the Lord for this wonderful gift! I know that He has bigger plans for us and that there is a deeper purpose for all of this. Thank you Lord for making this dream come true! This win is for You, for Your greater glory!

I probably read a lot more that I couldn't find but this entry is long enough. Actually, it's too long. Hahaha. But hey, I told you this was an overwhelming season and those words only half express how it was. If you followed the games and love the Eagles, then you know what I mean. :)

And so know I shall get over this victory because as Mr. Samson said:

Get a life.

Closure, this is what we have to work on. If grief must be healed and brought to a close to move on with our lives, so too must euphoria. Remember the healing we needed after the 2006 finals with UST and last year’s stepladder fall? It may not seem obvious to you at first that closure is equally needed for triumphs. But the friends you have lunch with, including those from the group that thinks that the lesson from Aesop’s fable of “The Fox and the Grapes” is that if you don’t succeed, whine and please don’t get the second place trophy—will start avoiding you.

I have been told that we are making such a big fuss over this championship thing. This is usually delivered with a smirk from those who claim to have won so many that it’s just an annual event they have gotten used to...except this year when the officiating sucked. Anyway, I candidly tell such wet blankets that the reason we think a championship is truly a big deal is that we are not used to it. So, there.

This triumph brings all of us together. We rise and converge at the Gesù. Thus Fr. Pierre’s quotation affects all of us.

After all that, we move on with our day jobs and mundane concerns...until we again shuck off not our mortal coils but our regular mall attire to don the blue and white and sing lustily after each game whether won or lost the alma mater song that tells us where we belong and where we are—we stand on a hill.

Write the blue eagles ♥

2008-11-04T10:44:00.003+08:00

I just have to share. I think I'm pretty lucky when I join contests related to the Blue Eagles. :) After winning the Ateneo cap from Hardball, I win another set of prizes. :D

Mr. Rick Olivares had this contest on his blog (http://bleachersbrew.blogspot.com/2008/09/chris-not-included.html):

We're giving away five adidas Ateneo shirts (like what Chris is wearing in the photo here) and five basbeall caps to five Brewsters out there. ... To win those shirts, all you gotta do is write a nice letter of support to the team using Brotherhood as a theme as they prepare for the UAAP Finals. I'll hand it in by Friday after lunch. Email them to me and I will make sure the team gets it.

And the thought of just writing a letter that the Blue Eagles would be able to read/hear was in itself an awesome idea for me. I don't have a list but if I did, this would be one of the things I want to do before I die. Hahaha.

But I still get the bonus: Mr. Olivares decided my letter merited me an Ateneo shirt and cap. (http://bleachersbrew.blogspot.com/2008/09/ateneo-vs-la-salle-by-numbers.html)

By the way, winners for the Write the Blue Eagles contest:
Michael Yu
Johann Fojas
Clarisse Ligunas
Robbie Tan
Allen De Vera
Ya'll won an Ateneo shirt from adidas + a baseball cap! Congrats!

I still don't have a picture wearing both. But I'm wearing it soon and I'll have loads of pictures in it. :))

Thank you Rick Olivares!!! :D I was honored when you dropped by this blog, I love reading the stuff you write, I'm extremely thankful to have had the chance to write a letter for the Eagles and I love the shirt and cap! :) Hope to get to meet you again, sir, in the future. :)

Congratulations ADMU (Season 71 Version)

2008-11-04T09:54:00.005+08:00

This comes very late and I know they won the Uni-games already but I feel like I'm going to do this every year.

Run-down of the Ateneo Basketball Awardees of UAAP Season 71:

Ateneo de Manila University Blue Eagles
UAAP Season 71 Senior Men's Basketball Champions

Rabeh Ahmed Al-Hussaini
UAAP Season 71 Senior Men's Basketball
Mythical 5 Member
and
Most Valuable Player

Christopher John Alandy-Dy Tiu
UAAP Season 71 Senior Men's Basketball Mythical 5 Member

Ryan Clarence Buenafe
UAAP Season 71 Senior Men's Basketball Rookie of the Year

Severino Baclao
UAAP Season 71 Senior Men's Basketball Finals MVP

Special Awards:
PS Bank Ultimate Maaasahan Player: Christopher John Tiu
KFC Court Colonel: Eric Salamat
Smart Defensive Player of the Year: Severino Baclao
Jollibee Champ of the Season: Rabeh Ahmed Al-Hussaini
Appeton Most Improved Player: Rabeh Ahmed Al-Hussaini
Tokyo Tokyo Rookie Team Center: Nicolas Salva
Tokyo Tokyo Rookie Team Forward: Ryan Clarence Buenafe

This was an overwhelmingly great season for the Ateneo Blue Eagles. I agree what I read from someone's comment: They exhibited great teamwork and that automatically translated to individual awards for the members of the team. Two men don't make a team, 16 people do. That's what the Ateneo Blue Eagles team showed everyone this season. Congratulations!!! :D

Ateneo de Manila High School Blue Eaglets
UAAP Season 71 Junior's Basketball Champions

Juan Miguel Tiongson
UAAP Season 71 Junior's Basketball Mythical 5 Member

John David Dumrique
UAAP Season 71 Junior's Basketball Finals MVP

The Blue Eaglets was awesome this year too. Once again, I just got to watch the finals but they were great. These facts just kind of make me sad: they have 4 graduating players, there are only 2 graduating players from the Blue Eagles and there are great players from other high schools. Oh well. For now, it's great celebrating the awesomeness of the Junior's team. This is what - their 16th or 17th title? Congratulations Blue Eaglets!!! :D

And to our women's team - our defending champions - they did put of a fight and so deserves the schools thanks and congratulations. Go get them next year. :D

//There are also other Ateneo teams who won championships in and out of the UAAP but I don't have the full details. Maybe after the second sem, I'll post a rundown of all the Ateneo awards for this UAAP season. :)

The problem

2008-09-21T21:56:00.003+08:00

...with being busy is you miss out on opportunities to deal with people. The tasks become overwhelming that you have too little time to nourish relationships.

It's either that or JQ's right. It's just an excuse.

In the Spirit of the UAAP finals air ♥

2008-09-18T09:49:00.005+08:00

//I usually don't like reposting whole blog entries but this just gives a pretty accurate picture of an Atene0-La Salle game. I am super thrilled for the finals!!! ♥

ADM 102: Introduction to Ateneo-La Salle Games
Thu/Sat/Sunday, 4:00 PM, Araneta Coliseum
Course Prepared by: Miguel Lizada
Course Instructor: TBA

Course Description

The course introduces the student-cheerer to the dynamics and principles of the Ateneo-La Salle rivalry. The course employs both theoretical and application dimensions. The theoretical phase exposes the student to the history of the rivalry, the tradition of cheering, the construction of the ideal Atenean 6th Man, and other theoretical concepts.

The application phase on the other hand requires the student to put into practice all the theoretical principles. These practices include, among others: effective skills in lining up for the games, cheering (pre-game, during the game, half-time and post-game), jeering, heckling, creating effective posters and banners for one's favorite players and posing and smiling for Fabilioh.com.

Course Objectives

By the end of the course, the student should have been able to:

• understand what it means to be the Sixth Man
• understand the difference between an Atenean and La Sallite
• integrate himself with the community of believers
• develop his school spirit

Course Outline and Reading List

Chapter 1: What is School Spirit?

• Required Readings:

o Excerpts from the "History of the Ateneo"
o The student's "OrSem Manual"
o "The Ateneo Cheerbook"
o "Who and What is the Ateneo Sixth Man?"
o Ruel De Vera's "The Eagles Have Landed"
o Selected Speeches of Angelico Sinjian of the Blue Babble Battalion

Chapter 2: Knowing the Enemy

• Required Readings:

o “SUSPENDED! The 2005 UAAP Scandal”
o "We Must Come (Or Hit Them) From Behind"
o "How To Spell Correctly During Cheerdance Competition"
o “The Pumaren Defense Press: Terror and Truth”

• Optional/Supplementary Readings

o "No Cheering During Time Out"
o "Get that Ball! -- UE"
o "Why are there Two Birds in UAAP?"
o "Who let the (Bull) Dogs out?"
o "You Cannot Overcheer Us!"
o "NABRO: Equality or Social Injustice?"

Chapter 3: Pre-Game Rituals

• Required Readings

o "The Art of Lining Up"
o "Sketching Posters and Banners for Your Favorite Players"
o "Scalpers and Where To Find Them: An Anthropological Study"
o "Reserving Seats Upper A/Upper B For Friends"

• Optional Readings

o "How to Jump From the Gen Ad to Upper B: A Step-By-Step Guide"
o "How to Jump From Upper B to Upper A: A Step-By-Step guide"

Chapter 4: Game Time

• Required Readings:

o "Developing Your Endurance"
o "The Psychology Behind Get That Ball"
o "Who are the Gang Green?"
o "Half-time is Game-Time"
o "Fly High" + "The Victory Song"

Chapter 5-A: When the Final Buzzer Beats (In case of Victory)

• Required Readings

o "The Song for Mary and the Proper Way to Sing It"
o "How to sing The Song For Mary and Still Look Cute for Fabilioh.com"
o "How To Argue with Sore Losers in PinoyExchange.com and Gameface.ph"

Chapter 5-B: When the Final Buzzer Beats (In case of Defeat)

• Required Readings:

o “Defeat is not a Fundamental Option: A Theological Exegesis”
o “Ang Pagkatalo ay Hindi Isang Wala Dahil Meron Pa: Isang Pambungad sa Metapisika ng Pagkatalo”
o "Win or Lose, It's The School We Choose: Deepening Your Spirituality -- The Sesquicentennial Edition"
o "Contemplating on the Meaning of Life: An Introduction"
o "Surviving the Wrath of Fr. Adolfo Dacanay SJ"

Course Requirements

Written Long Test: This will assess your memorization of the tradition and history of the Ateneo-La Salle rivalry. The test consists of itemized Multiple Choice questions and True or False statements.

Oral Exam: The student will randomly draw two cheers from a lot. The student must cheer/sing the cheers he picked. Afterwards, he must be able to explain the significance of the cheer/song. He must also be able to identify when these cheers/songs are used.

Practical Exam: The student must line up for tickets. This is a pass or fail exam. If the student is able to acquire a ticket, he automatically gets an A. If he doesn't get any ticket, he must take the Make-Up Test.

Make-up Test: Negotiating with Scalpers. Students who wish to pass the first practical exam for the course but failed to do so must take the Make-Up test. The student must locate a scalper within the vicinity of Araneta Coliseum. This is not a pass or fail test. The student's grade depends on how he was able to acquire a good ticket with the lowest possible price. The better the ticket with lower ticket price, the higher the grade.

Final Exam: Students are required to cheer during the game. The grade depends on the voice quality and frequency of the cheering. The Ateneo standard grading system will be applied. Therefore the passing score for the Final Exam is 70%. Students who cannot stand up and cheer 70% of the time automatically fail the exam.

Bonus points are given to students who are able to convince others to cheer loudly, either through a well-articulated speech or forceful coercion. Extra points are also awarded to fans who make creative banners for their favorite players.

Written Long Test: 20%
Oral Exam: 20%
Practical Exam: 20%
Final Exam: 40%

Course Policies and Other Reminders

1. Plagiarism. Plagiarism is an extreme offense in this school. Do not copy cheers from other schools.
2. Cellphone Use. Using your cellphone to place in bets is illegal. Do not get yourself into trouble.
3. Cuts. Once you are inside Araneta, you are not allowed to leave. You must watch all four quarters. Win or lose, you are not allowed to leave before the Song for Mary is sung. Doing so merits an automatic W for the course.

Writing papers. :|

2008-09-10T23:13:00.003+08:00

Got this from Madel.

I'm writing a paper right now at ito ang nangyayari, most of it. Hahaha. Please pray I actually get down to work.

HOW TO WRITE A COLLEGE PAPER

1. Sit on a straight, comfortable chair in a well lit place in front of your computer.

2. Log onto YM (With the busy status!). Check your email.

3. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.

4. Head out to the kitchen for some chocolate to help you concentrate.

5. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

6. Text a friend and ask if he/she wants to go to grab a coffee. Just to get settled down and ready to work.

7. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lit place.

8. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.

9. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

10. You know, you haven't texted/YMed that old friend since fourth grade. You'd better do that now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.

11. Look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.

12. Grab some mp3s off of LimeWire/BitTorrent.

13. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR YET?!

14. YM/text with one of your friends about the future. (ie summer plans, block party).

15. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

16. Listen to your new mp3s and download some more.

17. YM/text your friend and ask if she's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your prof, the course, the college, the world at large.

18. Drink some water.

19. Notice the old magazine in the kitchen. Read it.

20. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. Check you email too.

21. YM/text some people to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.

22. Play some Solitaire (Or Pinball).

23. Check out Yahoo.com

24. Wash your hands.

25. YM/text a friend to see how much they have done, probably haven't started either.

26. Look through your blockmate's Multiply album of pictures from that party. Ask who everyone is.

27. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.

28. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. Look over your online contacts on YM.

29. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt WHILE listening to your new mp3s.

30. Your PC/laptop just crashed, given too many open windows plus the mp3s playing. Reboot, and carry on.

31. Read over the assignment one more time, just for heck of it.

32. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.

33. Lie face down on the floor and moan.

34. Punch the wall and break something.

35. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt. And you contacts on YM. No one’s online, yeah? But just look through them anyway.

36. Mumble obscenities.

37. 5am - start hacking on the paper without stopping. 6am -paper is finished.

38. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write that stupid paper.

39. Go to class, hand in paper, and cut out of it so you can take a nap.

40. Check your LJ/Multiply/Twitter/Facebook/Friendster/DeviantArt.

My lucky break ♥

2008-09-07T11:09:00.003+08:00

I have to blog about this cap because I love it and because it's the first thing I ever won in my entire life.

I have never been lucky in raffles or bingo or phone-in contests until last July 17.

I like watching Hard Ball especially when they feature sports events that I actually watch (eg. UAAP). I was watching the show when they said they were giving an Ateneo or La Salle UAAP cap to a caller who can answer the question. The question was about their Hot Ticket discussion during their show the day before that was also about the UAAP. So I tried calling. I got the busy tone a number of times but after a while, I got through! The girl told me that they'd call me back if I win. And so a few minutes later, she called me back and informed me that I won!!! :D AND that I was going to introduce myself briefly on-air. I got really nervous but I can actually say I got to talk to the Hardball hosts once in my life. Hahaha. ♥

And so I got my Adidas Ateneo cap last Friday and I love it! :D Sorry for the vanity and the superficial happiness but I really loved winning, talking to the hosts on-air and getting the cap. :))

UST...

2008-08-31T21:00:00.002+08:00

I feel sorry for the losses that could have been wins.

But I don't know why your rookies insist on taking outside shots during the last few seconds when the reigning MVP is waiting for the ball in the shaded area. And I'm not only referring to today's game. I know they're great and they have the right to take those shots but they were really costly lapses in judgment.

Also, I have great respect for basketball coaches and Pido Jarencio's a great one. After all, he led you to a championship in 2006 against Ateneo. I was cheering for you that time because I was an Archers fan then. Plus, I saw how dedicated you were during that difficult climb to the finals and I know Coach Pido pushed and inspired you all the way. But I don't know why Coach Pido always seems angry. Though I'm not a player nor a UST fan, it's heartbreaking to see a talented team being screamed at constantly.

During your game against La Salle, you did well except Villanueva had lady luck on his team's side. Today, you were playing inspired basketball in the last half of the 4th. And you had more than lady luck, you seemed to have divine intervention even. At home, we love UE but we were cheering for you today. I genuinely felt sad for you.

Good luck in Season 72!

Good for the heart ♥

2008-08-23T01:12:00.006+08:00

It's a game like the ADMU-UE match yesterday that make your heart feel extra happy.

I didn't witness an efficient team. Their stats all probably went down. But we all saw heart and that is the most breathtaking sight on any basketball court.

It's better to see Chris Tiu shooting his 1st 3-point shot in the 4th qtr to start the Eagles' run than him attaining his career high by almost perfecting his freethrows. It's better seeing Buenafe pass 3 defenders at a time when their top-scorer was being double teamed and their captain on the bench suffering from cramps than seeing him make an open 3-pointer in a game where not making it wouldn't even matter.

It's good for a fan like me to watch those types of games. It ironically, makes me more proud. It's the sort of game that I refer to even in my YM stat messages. It makes me shout at the top of my lungs even if I'm at home. It just puts a big smile on my face. That game yesterday cancelled out any stress I was feeling and made me feel really good.

OA? I don't think I'm alone. We were all talking about it in school. And believe me I don't think any game (other than the 1st against DLSU and the loss against FEU) have been talked about that much.

Being the fangirl that I am, I read what other people who know more about the sport and the team have to say. And after reading, I brim with more pride and it feels like there's no better college to be in than the Ateneo.

From Bleachers' Brew by Rick Olivares:

Inside the Press Room, while Norman Black was all smiles over the huge win, Tiu stretched his cramped leg and answered a few questions directed at him. “We never gave up. I think that’s this team’s character and what Coach preaches to us all the time.”

So how about that last trey?

“Yeah we practice that… sometimes. But I just threw it up.”

So Coach Leo, you’re right. It’s about heart but you’ve got to have faith too.

From Falling in Place by AR Samson

The beauty of the Ateneo-UE game needs no explanation. That’s why I went on and on about the statistical impact of wins and losses on the rankings. A come-from-behind win, down nine points and erasing the gap with triple triples, defines character and the refusal to give up, even if some of the faithful was tempted to head for the exits and having their faith shaken. The “Lazarus Effect” of rising from the dead in three minutes, rather than three days, makes believers of us all.

Much will be written about the frenzied last three minutes of regulation period and the even more frantic five minutes of overtime. A classic game is defined by the degree of uncertainty on its outcome until the last ten seconds.

From Blue and White spill red ink in OT by Myopic Eagle

And so in various games, versus different opponents, and during particular stretches of a match, The Bullet invariably noted that Blue Eagles take turns delivering. That as reliable in the clutch as Chris has been, as vastly improved as Rabeh is, and as reassuring as Eric’s game-breaking is this campaign and will be post-Tiu, there really isn’t a single go-to guy for rivals to key on. Even Nonoy can drop 16 markers on his defender, as he did head-to-head with NU’s Edwin Asoro in the first round. And Jai and Ryan have scored in double figures. So going into yesterday’s crucial match, Coach Dindo must’ve hoped that his Red Warriors would outrun, outrebound and outscore us. Well, Dindo did his homework alright … but not well enough. He couldn’t draw up a play against HEART.
...
Opponents are realizing (and grudgingly respecting?) that ours is not a pampered, pulpy team that caves in to intimidation and roughhousing. ... This squad of an elite school and with ample alumni backing can be as hardscrabble as we need to be, without stooping down to unsportsmanlike levels.
...
Yesterday, we saw Mr. Clutch in a continuum: the current being Chris and the future being Ryan. Youngsters Nico Salva, Justin Chua and Vince Burke witnessed and learned what heart, what prevailing against terrific adversity, is all about. Should the Lord graciously allow us to go all the way, we will look back on this game as having defined what this team is made of. So what if our league-leading averages in least turnovers, points in the paint, etc. drop several notches. We just shot up the altimeter of knowing how, and willing ourselves to WIN.
...
A sub-text to the leaden feet and poor hands on display yesterday: it’s the inescapable reality that our boys are in the thick of academic responsibilities. For instance, Rabeh just finished Philo orals the day before, and Kirk was facing the computer and rushing a paper just prior to the game. Like it or not, that’s a necessary, indeed priority distraction that comes with the territory of student-athlete. Pardon my saying so, but that’s a thicket that not too many of our opponents have to hack through.

//And as Ray2 said in her latest blog entry, I couldn't have said it better myself. :) I loved absolutely everything about that game. ♥

Blank | One Step At A Time

2008-08-09T01:59:00.018+08:00

A lot of things are happening in school, orgs and acads - beautiful things really. And I can't help but feel that I'm not in the right disposition to make the most of these opportunities.

As a natural at worrying, my brain doesn't usually get any rest. Recently, I've been ending up blank quite often. And blank is not good at all. I prefer full than blank.

Don't get me wrong. I accomplish my work. It's just I feel confusingly blank.

I have to get my act together. I need time to pray and reflect. I really need a break! A real break!

While listening to the song Ray2 asked me to check out, I found another Jordin song, One Step at a time, with parts that seems appropriate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adsWRTM9wFA&feature=related

"One Step At A Time"

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one
knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one
knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time

UAAP Season 71 2nd round schedule

2008-08-04T22:36:00.004+08:00

Edited blog post because I saw the mistakes in the sched. Imagine how much editing my planner will need. :(

//I realized I didn't blog about any of the round 1 games. So many things are happening so I haven't gotten in the disposition to blog. Lol. But I did get to watch 2 games live. :D The 1st against La Salle and the 2nd against UE. I love the feeling of singing the Song for Mary after the game. :) Go Ateneo! Alone on top after the 1st round! :)

UAAP Season 71
Men's Basketball Competition
2nd Round

August 7 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - NU vs UP
4 PM - DLSU vs UE

August 9 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - ADU vs UST
4 PM - FEU vs ADMU

August 10 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - UP vs DLSU
4 PM - UE vs NU

August 14 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - FEU vs ADU
4 PM - UST vs ADMU

August 16 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - DLSU vs NU
4 PM - UE vs UP

August 17 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - ADU vs ADMU
4 PM - UST vs FEU

August 21 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - UP vs ADU
4 PM - ADMU vs UE

August 23 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - NU vs UST
4 PM - FEU vs DLSU

August 24 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - ADMU vs UP
4 PM - ADU vs UE

August 28 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - NU vs FEU
4 PM - UST vs DLSU

August 30 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - DLSU vs ADU
4 PM - ADMU vs NU

August 31 - Philsports Arena
2 PM - UP vs FEU
4 PM - UE vs UST

September 4 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - ADU vs NU
4 PM - FEU vs UE

September 6 - Araneta Coliseum
2 PM - UP vs UST
4 PM - ADMU vs DLSU

September 7 - Cheerdance Competition