The Redundant Ramblings of an Insane Mind

A Year Under the Influence

2007-12-08T09:38:00.000-05:00

hmmm. I need to write. Just let it all out. But I don't really know where to start. Or stop for that matter. It's all kinda up in the air and I'm happy and content, yet confused.

I could be high right now

2006-03-30T10:57:00.000-05:00

weekends. i think that that is the greatest word ever. so my weekends have begun on Thursday ever since i've been in college. This is how it's been going recently...

Thursday: I teach Denis Z. routine at my house. This always involves CDS and CMK. And lots of alcohol. This week we had a major sparring match that turned street fighting. Needless to say that I'm covered in bruises from head to toe. I also dyed CDS hair. And cut it too. It's amazing!! CDS and DZ left around 12 and DJ was going to come over and join CMK and I for a movie. MW and her boyfriend showed up, unannounced, and crashed what was promising to be an amazing evening. She pisses me off. Everyone left around 2 and I spent the next 2 hours on the phone with him discussing "us". I'm not even going to go there. Didn't sleep that night because I was too emotional. Went to work Friday 9-1. CDS dyed my hair!! Yes, I'm no longer a red head. Sorry!! But it looks really good!. CMK came over and we talked/played poker/hung out for a while. I was supposed to go to dinner with ACR, but she was to call me at 2:30 and hadn't yet at 6. She wouldn't answer her phone so I went to a Pacers game with KJS instead. It was awesome. We kept getting carded. Fuckers. It's PEPSI. lol. Not really. :) We took pictures with the fucking deer. Seriously, the deer are fucking. Went home and sobered up. Then headed to JM and S's apartment. CMK came over and so did Dyl. We watched Devil's Advocate. Okay, I slept through it. Went home around 4. Got up Saturday morning for karate. CMK and BJE kicked my ass. Then we got cleaned up, went to Qdoba for dinner and headed to MH's house. I learned to shift a stick!! It's great. CMK is smoking, on the phone and steering; I'm smoking, on the phone and shifting. We make a great pair (rolls eyes). We got up to CODE Zero's house for CODE Fest 6. It was awesome. I should have been on acid or something for this party. So many glow sticks, it would have been worth it. CMK headed out to go drop some stuff off at a client's house. We ended up leaving CODE around 12 and met him back at my house. BJE and MH fell asleep and we headed out for smoothies. Got back and watched The New Guy. Hilarious, as usual. CMK left around 4 and I headed to bed around 6. Up at 8 with BJE and MH for church. Did homework all day and the Dyl picked me up at 5 to head to OneLiners. Holy Shit. It was great. Back home around 10. Over to AMS's for Grey's and then more homework before bed.

I'm not sure how I do it all....

News: he's officially going to new york for the summer. i'll see him in august. this could be good and bad. we'll see. I have a cold. And a dance performance Saturday. I can't be sick.

You should come to the concert on the circle on Sunday. It's going to be awesome. 2:00, be there or be square...

hmmmmmmmmm

2006-03-23T11:42:00.000-05:00

Hell is Indiana without CMK in a snow storm. He's in NYC.

It doesn't matter that I'm mad at him, I still had to see him all weekend. We did karate at BJE's on Friday. Then dance workshops with Mike Topal (amazing). Dance workshops on Saturday. Dinner and Dance Saturday night. ISDC on Sunday.

It does matter in our friendship that I'm mad. And he knows it. It's not that I'm being bitchy or cold or avoiding him, it's that I just don't have anything to say. And I don't trust him anymore. If I can't trust him with something like this, then how can I ever trust him with bigger things? That's what this really comes down to, isn't it? People keep asking me what's wrong between us, I tell them nothing. They know I lie. And in the middle of all of this, you go to NYC. I guess it just gives me more time to think.

You'll be at my house tonight. I don't want you there. And we're going to Chancellor's with D on Friday. I don't want to see you. And the COD Party on Saturday followed by the LAN party at my house. Still don't want to see you. I know it's in my eyes when I look at you.

It's why you stood in front of my car on Monday and wouldn't let me leave practice until I had talked to you. Talk. Whatever. Screaming for 45 minutes about Swing Cats is more like it. But you agreed with everything I said. And you stood there holding me. And we danced. And you made everything all right, if only for a few minutes. So what's new?

You called to hear my voice one more time before you left for New York. And the call that I didn't answer while you were at the airport.

Being mad doesn't stop me from thinking about you 24/7. I wish it did. None of this stops me from thinking that you're it. MH agrees with me. She'd know. Hell, the four of us are always together. But it's weird. I know you're going to NYC for the summer. And the only thing I can think is that you'll come back realize what you could have had. But I won't be there. I'm coming to visit you. I know I promised. I think you need the time away from me. I need the time away from you. So I want you to go. I want to not think about you every second of every day. But can't say I'll be here when you come home.

Rant

2006-03-17T02:43:00.000-05:00

You truly pissed me off tonight. And I know that you know it. It's why you spent the entire drive home appologizing and offering me excuses. But it doesn't even matter anymore. Because I've learned things about myself tonight.

I cared about you with a depth of emotion that I didn't know I was capable of feeling. And I trusted you with everything in me. But now? I don't even want to be around you. And you can't even understand why I'm so mad.

I DID NOT spend three monthes of my life lying in a bed, fighting a tumor the size of a soft ball and four different kinds of withdrawl for me to ever want to be around it again.

When you lied and said that you didn't do it anymore, I believed you. When you said that you had started again, but promised to never do it around me, I believed you. When you did do it around me, but appologized and said that you would never do it around me again, I believed you. But tonight, when you walked up those stairs, I was ready to leave and M was going to take me. I don't care if you do it, (I'm not that much of a hypocrit) just NOT AROUND ME.

And you say, that if you ever even think about doing it again I'm supposed to walk into the room and kick your ass. No. I shouldn't have to. But I will leave and you will never see me again. That is how much this means to ME.

Right now I don't want to see you. I don't want to be around you. And tomorrow at karate, I will kick your ass.

You almost had me in tears tonight. After everything I have been through this weekend (I'll get into that at another time.), you do this. You knew the hell that I've been through, you talk me into going out and you break THIS promise.

I haven't talked to AT in a week, and he called me 20 minutes ago, because he had a feeling that I was mad. He's ready to get on the next plan back to Indiana to kick your ass.

But hey, at least I know I'm actually capable of feeling strong emotion. If nothing else, you've done that.

Desperado on a Thursday morning

2006-03-02T09:44:00.000-05:00

I love this song. 100 points to anyone that loves the Eagles. 300 points to anyone eating girl scout cookies right now. Yumm!!!!

I'm thinking of heading to B-town this weekend. That's gonna cause issues. Not my problem.

The were dancing and singing and movin' to the groovin' and just when it hit me, somebody turned around and shouted Play that Funky Music White Boy

It's Lent. Fat Tuesday was fun. Ash Wednesday, not so much. But now it's Lent and I'm not sure what I'm giving up or doing. The obvious is to quit smoking. I'm not ready to do that yet.

lol. I'm singing to the new guy. I forget his name, but whatever. It's more the song: You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi. He's busting up.

Oh well.

I'm thinking of giving up CMK. That would be interesting. lol. Let me know if you have any thoughts....

Ironic Fates

2006-02-28T11:49:00.000-05:00

Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

Ironic. Don't you think? You won't let me love you and yet I wonder if I still have the desire to do so...

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I can't promise you that I'll always be here. I know that right now I still want to be, even though I shouldn't. Who knows. The future is all smoke and mirrors.

I took for granted, all the times
That I though would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' CrAzY

I guess life is funny isn't it? When you think you want something, it isn't there. But when you don't want it, it's right in front of you.

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' cRaZy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

myspace

2006-02-27T12:28:00.000-05:00

So this is in my Myspace Blog. But I feel more open to have it in here. I'll expand upon it later.

This isn't about you. This isn't about anybody in here. I hope. Unless you found me, even in here.

I'm not sure why I'm posting in here instead of in one of my blogs. Whatever.

I haven't done anything today. I've spent the entire day sleeping and thinking and trying to avoid the one thing that has continually been on my mind lately. You.

It's hard. Knowing that I could have loved you. That I know I'm still capable of loving you with everything in me. But you won't let me. You never could have or would have allowed me to love you. I know that now. It's hard. To care about you and know that I would move heaven and earth if you asked me to. But you won't. And I know that. So where do we go from here?

Do you even realize how hard this is? Through everything we've managed to be friends. The Good. The Bad. All of the hard stuff. And we've manged to still be firends. But I've realized something today. That as hard as it is to have you in my life, as a friend, it's harder to picture my life without you in it at all.

From the moment I met you, you seemed to be the piece of me that was missing. I don't know why. You were everything that I had ever wanted. But you aren't, are you? If you were, you would love me as much as I could love you.

Lately, it's been harder. I just want to hide with all of the pain I feel from not having you there. From knowing you are physically, mentally and emotionally unreachable. You're always there, and yet never there at the same time.

So here I sit. Wanting to understand. To have it all figured out. And knowing that I never will.

Good bye. I'm not sure what I'm saying good bye to. Our friendship. The dream. The hope. or the Love. But from now on, I'm done.

I know that I'll probably regret this in the morning. Delete it and go on. But tonight it makes sense. If only to me.

politics on campus

2006-02-23T10:36:00.000-05:00

As the Spring semester rolls on many things happen at IUPUI. New policies for next years' campus are discussed. USG elections. Rolling down hills. Climbing the fountain. Taking pictures with the fucking deer. And I can say that because they are fucking. Gotta' love Herron. Stupid art students. And once again the campus is full of political bullshit. New this year: I am getting involved. Yes, I'm being political.

The much debated topic for next year: IUPUI becoming a nonsmoking campus. Fuck you. This entails that if I walk down Michigan Street the second I cross West Street I can be ticketed for smoking. On the sidewalk. If I sit in my car in the parking lot and smoke, I can be ticketed. WTF, mate? And campus housing, completely smoke free. How can they enforce this? We're already planning protests. It's my right if I want to kill myself. I understand this. It's not like I'm sitting in front of a door, blowing smoke in peoples faces. I generally go to an area where it is easy for people to avoid the smoke. Go to Hell. You can't enforce this. It's an infringement on my rights for you to even try. Discriminating bastards.

USG Elections: I am generally a person with the theory of "I don't care who you vote for as long as you vote." I am now a "vote for anyone, but the PEOPLE's Party" person. Okay, your platform is to increase student involvement and let the students know where their money is being spent. I get that. Walking into a USG meeting with a "hit list" of the the majority of the executive board and committee chairs and saying that they are self serving, biased and corrupt was stupid. Not attending the debates because the "people that are going to be there aren't important" just because we belong to nonacademic student groups. Your entire theory of how to accomplish your goals is to take the funding way from nonacademic student groups. How does that help build communittee? You're taking away the ability of the most active groups on campus to be active. You don't make any sense and I'M campaigning to vote for anyone but you. If you win, you'll effectively end all of the active groups on campus. Fuck off. I have worked too hard, spent too much time and money on making Swing Cats the most recongnizable group on campus and in the Indianapolis Community for you to fuck it up. Get off yourself you self serving assholes.

End Rant.

cyber world

2006-02-21T09:47:00.000-05:00

hmmmmmmmmm. what to write. i'll just go with it.

i started talking to PD this week. wow, talk about a rush of memories i'd rather forget. he found me in facebook and i guess everything's cool. weird. he's in philly, pa now. stupid artist. why do i always go for the moody artist types? he wants me to stop through on my way to nyc for break. lol.

CMK and i are going to NY. alone. not sure if i should be concerned??? it's completely logical. i'm headed up to niagra falls to visit family, etc. and he has an internship interview in NYC. tell me it doesn't make sense. my parents aren't going to see it that way. i'm working on it though. we'll see....

we took pictures with the deer last night. if you haven't heard about these, well then, are you living in a cave? anywho. There is a sculpture on campus, outside of Herron, of two deer. Fucking. Missonary. Very detailed. These will be on facebook soon. what else are you going to do at 11:30 on a monday night?

i have girl scout cookies. yum. is it 11 yet? nope. not even close. oh well. life is good. hope all is well with everyone out there in cyber world!!

Seein' Red on a Friday

2006-02-17T10:48:00.000-05:00

Greetings from the lab.

I have an ass crap load of music on my IPOD. It's random too, but I love it. Two hours of me hitting the NEXT button and I still haven't hit 100 or 1081. I gained 250+ songs last night. I'm starting to think about making play lists. lol. We'll see. If anyone has ideas for good songs let me know! I still have a butt load of room.

We had tornado sirens last night. Ruined a very night day dream about cruising the Med. I wish I could have made it over to Athen this year. That would have been an amazing trip. AE's mad that I'm not going. It was just bad timeing. I'm going to cross the sea eventually. I'm thinking about heading to NYC for break. I want to go vist my family up at the Falls. I haven't been up there in a couple of years. I want to see the mountains again too. It should be great. Still cold. Most people go south, but I want to head north. I'm nuts.

I posted pictures on Facebook the other day. There are a lot more to come, but I have to find the time to do it. I'll let ya know.

My hair is getting long. I have braided pigtails today. Talk about going back to my roots. lol. It makes sense. I'm headed home tonight or tomorrow.

My break was fun today. I had gangsters paradise blaring and a group of six thugs walked by. Soundtrack of my life, I guess.

Lots of controversy on campus lately. It's going Smoke-free in May. I don't know how they're going to enforce it. Half the population smokes in Naptown. My friends are coming up with ways to protest. It essentially contains our daily habits of sitting outside of CA and UC, in a circle, and smoking. Go us. KJS is making me quit before we move in together. Another one bites the dust, I guess.

I have a meeting at 1:30 with CMK. We're making a video for 'Cats. I have lots of ideas, but we don't have anything concrete yet. Yikes. Talk about an in depth project.

The Lab is really quiet today. It's nice, if a triffle boring. lol. I wanna dance. I just hit Sublime. lol. Caress Me Down. Yikes. Not good for work. Ahhhhhh....Unwritten Law.

Okay time for me to go. Nothing else to say. Have a great weekend!!

The Valuable Lessons of the Weekend

2006-02-14T09:47:00.000-05:00

Yes, there is a story.

Saturday SS and JM came up to my house and we went to Castleton. JM and I had our nails done while SS was in a meeting for his work. We picked him up and E joined us for lunch at Outback. Good food. E left because he was moving into a new apartment and had to have everything in before he headed to work at MidTown. lol. He had to be there to let us wonderful underagers in. Gotta love it. SS, JM and I went shopping. SS and I spent ALL DAY dressing JM up and attempting to find her the "perfect" outfit for the party. I love SS for being a guy that loves to shop! We headed back downtown about 6:30. WHERE I HAD A CAR ACCIDENT! It's fine. It was my fault. No one was hurt and the cars are okay. No damage. I had an angel watching over me. So they head home, I shower, change, get beautiful and head down to SS and JM's on the southside. WE HAD A MINIBUS!!! Yes, it was supposed to be a limo, but we had too many people. So two bottles of vodka, a stop at Kroger, a bottle of cranberry juice and we were off. At this point, I need to mention that I have motion sickness. And I was in the back of the bus. Hello, it's where the cool kids are. :) I ended up laying down en route (this was after I was pole danceing). We got to Broad Ripple and half of us got off. This is when I sat up, looked at SS and CMK and said, "I need to get off this bus." They didn't listen to me. Because we only had to go "around the block." Apparently, around the block was too far and I was worshiping the trash can in the front of the bus. About now, we talked and it was decided that I'd chill for a little bit, we'd go get some food, and then the rest of us would head into MidTown. Then Leon, our bus driver, decided that I couldn't get off the bus. I HAD MOTION SICKNESS. Being on the bus was a bad thing. I ended up calling SDRC at 3 a.m. and she came and got me. Took R, CMK and myself back to our cars on Banta. FOR WHICH I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL FOR. She got me off the bus. I was wearing more vodka than I had consumed, fyi. As soon as I was off the bus, I was fine, it was the 2.5 hours, when Leon was physically restraining me, against my logical reasoning, that did me in. In spite of it all, I actually had fun. I'm not sure why. SDRC received chocolates and a rose yesterday. CMK was given fabreeze for his jacket (which I was wearing), mints (because he stole mine), and keys to my apartment and car (because I never want to have to scale a balcony (in a dress and heels) to get them ever again.)

So that was how it went. And then my parents were in town on Sunday. We'll save that for a later date.

Today I'm a fairy of love. lol. Passing out kisses and valentines all day. go me. I'm over compensating. Yes, I know this. It's all good. Let me have my delustions!!

Randomness

2006-02-10T11:16:00.000-05:00

Taken from my Myspace Blog:

"So I'm bored at work on a Friday.

I've been reading the blogs of a person who's blog I really shouldn't be reading. They piss me off. No, it's not you.

The pettyness and immature rambling, arrggggggg. So, why am I even reading it? Good question. Apparently I like hurting myself. It's all emotional. I do it because for some reason I want to learn more about them. I want to understand why things are the way they are. And yet, I always end up becoming too frusterated to go on in my attempt to understand.

I find myself wondering why I want to understand at all."

So basically it's SR. I have the same need to understand her that CMK has with needing to understand CPP. Why are we doing this to each other and ourselves?

I need to sort out how I feel in all of this, but I'm not sure what end it will lead to. He's an amazing friend. But is that all? Is that where everything ends? I don't know. That's my honest conclusion. There are days when my life without him in it terrify me. I rely on him too much. But at the same time he gets me. He knows my motives before I do.

Example: Valentine's Dance last Saturday. I went. I danced. We performed. Performances are the worst. Everytime we do it, I'm dancing a new part that I'm not comfortable with in front of people who make West Coast Swing their lives. They stand there and you know that in their minds they are critiquing everything you do. It makes every misstep and beat more important. I love dancing with BNA, though. He always makes it fun. I look up at him and he has that goofy grin on his face and it always feels like we're back in practice, just doing our thing. The death drop still scares me. I have CMK for that. That drop is a test in trust. It's so hard because DJ almost breaks my ankle on the natural top everytime. And then I dance hard for two minutes and at the end I'm supporting my weight on an ankle that's swollen and sore. I wrap it as a precaution and then KF, our instructor, tells me that I shouldn't be dancing on a sore ankle.

I digress. So after the performance I headed home. Personally I didn't want to be there anyway. I crashed. Mentally. I have this uncontrollable fear about what I'm going to do and where I'm going to go when I graduate next year. I like my life the way it is. Anyway, CMK called when he left the dance and stopped by for a while. We talked for a while and then we just laid in bed. I had this instant calm. He kept telling me that everything was going to be alright and I was going to be great at whatever I chose to do. "If the worst happens and you don't know what you want to do, you can begin again in Photography. You have a gift and it shouldn't be wasted." I have a natural composition, apparently.

Is it weird that I could definitely spend the rest of my life with him. And it doesn't matter in what capacity? lol.

We have a deal that if we both aren't married when we're 30 then we're getting married. And if I do get married before then, he's my maid of honor. lol. can you see him in a coral/ivory dress? He'd do it for me. :) I'm designing my own wedding dress, and bridesmaids dresses. They're so simple, but pretty. Maybe with a touch of blue.

SDRC you have to meet him. I need your opinion. We're going out for S's birthday Saturday. MidTown here we come. I love knowing bartenders and bouncers. A hummer limo and a shit load of drinking. I can't wait. OOOOOOO I have to check my email.

I hope that everything is going well for everyone! Have a great weekend!

mmmmmmmmm

2006-02-02T12:34:00.000-05:00

I skipped pratice this morning. opppppss. yea. 7 a.m. and dancing just doesn't happen. you can't even bribe me into going. sorry.

it's partially CMK's fault. we have just a messed up friendship. anyway. we went to hollywood bar and filmworks last night to see walk the line. liked the move, it cut off at the end and left us wanting to know more, but still good. the food there is decent. nothing to write home about, but it's just the atmosphere.

oh, i got vp of swing cats. go me.

i really don't like a lot of my friends. i know this. MW has no concept of having control over herself sober, let alone drunk. She has a constant need of attention. CDS, there's a lot there too. they kind of surround me with this need to not care about anything. i get to the point where i feel the need to run away from them and then i stop caring. i guess it works. i've made some really good friends through CMK. and the nice thing is, they have the same issues with MW that I do.

well. i have to get off work now. i'm feeling really drained. i'm going to sleep tonight! as in class is over at 4 and i'll wake up tomorrow. won't happen, but still it's a nice thought.

i hope everyone out there has a good one!

I'm back

2006-01-09T08:35:00.000-05:00

Okay so my life has returned to some semblence of normalcy now that classes have started again. I actually have scheduled in blog time each day. I'm a dork. But honestly...I have to be on campus at 8 if I want a parking spot and with the knee injury there's no way I'm walking. The knee isn't anything too serious, it's just swollen and painful and therefore I refuse to walk.

I quit my job of 2.5 years in the Dean's Office. Best decision I've made in a long time. Now I'm down to just the catering gig, but that job is more fun and actually applies towards my life goals.

I love dancing. I think it's what gets me through the weeks.

Things are as messed up as ever with CMK and MW. I'm beginning to think that the three of us can't just be friends, but for some reason I still hope.

CDS won't talk to me because I refuse to give her all of the latest "news" about CMK. WTF? We're friends. And contrary to popular belief, he isn't the only thing that I think about. And I'm sorry if I don't want to share my every thought with you, but seriously, I should be entitled to a little privacy now and then shouldn't I? It's not like you tell me your every thought, now is it?

I'm worried about SDRC. She isn't handling the stress well. I'm glad that she and JD are trying to make everything work out for the best, but sometimes I think she needs a break. I'm here for you honey! and I love you!!

I'm living with KJS next year. It seems poetic that we started college together and we'll finish college together. We're going to start apartment shopping soon.

I'm almost 21. I'm almost 21. If I say it enough maybe May will get here faster. I already have the whole weekend planned. It's going to kick.

I hope everyone is doing alright and I'm going to try to catch up on the last six months of reading blogs soon! Have a great one! I love you!

lol.

2005-12-06T10:11:00.000-05:00

I would like to update everyone on the past few months of my life. However there isn't enough cyber space to do that. But I think yesterday caps it all off nicely:

Work
Class
Work
Class
AMAZING SEX
Pracice
Dinner at Hard Rock; including dancing on the bar and pool dancing
Changing Thomas's life.

The 'Cat rumor mill really isn't getting to me anymore. Apparently I'm just an amazing topic to talk about. Here are the current ones:
I'm in love with Carl, Marissa is in love with Carl
Marissa and I are Lesbians
I'm having an affair with Tyson

I will give you that I mess around with Carl and Marissa messes around with Carl and Marissa and I make out, BUT WTF?
And, well, Tyson is just Tyson. And we only flirt shamelessly because he's married and Carrie thinks it's funny. DRAMA. Whatever. But that's the current stuff. Andy is coming up to spend the weekend with me. He's just an amazing friend. Can't wait. I quit my job in ET. Last day is Thursday. I'm thrilled. Hope everyone has a good one!

2005-11-21T12:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, not a lot of time. I have fuck her gently stuck in my head. lol. it's great. been having fun. been sick. been having fun while i was sick. been sick while having fun. pretty much it. lol. everyone have a great one! happy 21st mike!

Yes, I'm still alive.........barely

2005-11-03T09:17:00.000-05:00

hello everyone out there:

Sorry that I've been inactive for a while. SwingCats is my life. I love it. Things should settle down after this week. Konrad, thanks for the concern. I'm great. I actually met a girl, Courtney, from Germany. She's awesome. I might be coming across the pond this summer to visit her family. Not much else. Have to go to class. Promise I will update soon!

Hugs and Kisses,

Sara

The greatest morning I've had in a long time

2005-10-19T10:53:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning, after a hour of sleep, next to an incredibly amazing guy. LOL. We missed the first 40 minutes of our practice. Yes, that right, he dances. Photography major. He smells good too! KF is pissed at us. Oppsssss. We had the most interesting conversations last night. Why is dirty dirty and clean clean? What makes purity pure? Are these learned conditions or genetically programmed? Religion. It was great. It helps that Penny and Tony were tapping off our drinks all night. We were both a little "tipsy" when we headed to my apt. The ironic thing is that he actually stayed over so that we could be to practice on time. I'm sorry, but when you're looking into these amazing chocolate brown eyes where is the motivation to get out of bed? Answer: There isn't any. So we kept smacking my alarm clock. Neal and Ben were looking at us funny after practice and Courtney asked why we kept giggling. Yes, he giggles as much as I do. But we went from discussing our bad porn music band to night club two step in 10 minutes. And somehow we managed to shower in there? There were bound to be some left over giggles. We weren't allowed to dance together at practice. I think that it'll be interesting to see where this goes. Lots to think on.

brief and incoherent

2005-10-13T12:17:00.000-05:00

I'm burnt out. Completely and unequivically done. There's just too much on my plate right now. I'm not really sure if I'm living or simply surviving. I love the 'cats, and my friends, and things are great, but I just don't know if I can keep going at my current pace. G said that I looked like a ghost last night at volleyball. I'm playing better than ever, but I look like a ghost, a shadow of my former self. I laughed it off, but it really hit home. I need to start taking care of myself. Which is why I'm leaving indy for the weekend. After practice tonight I'm headed home. It's going to be a hell of a trip and I don't know if I'll make it all the way, but I need to do this. Mom's worried about me. She told me I was forbidden from coming home tonight. I told her that I loved her and that I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions. I'd see her tomorrow. And I'm going to nap between work and practice so I'll be fine. She just worries too much. I'm her baby, what can I say? I don't eat any more. Or more than that, I'm never hungry. But now my stomach is growling and I feel that I should give it something to shut it up. Roly Poly again. I spent the morning in Columbus. I felt bad for sleeping the entire drive, but whatever. I was awake enough to talk intelligently during brunch and I made it back for class. Whooooooppppppiieee. I'm kinda stalling here at the desk in UC waiting for BOA to come back, but he isn't and I want food so I'm going to go. I hope that everyone has a great weekend and I'll see you on the flip side, home slice!

quick update

2005-10-11T11:46:00.000-05:00

You know, until Sunday I thought that it wasn't possible to dance any more than we already were. I was wrong. Seriously, wrong. Somehow we're squeezing six more hours out of the week. But I love it. My shoues finally came in, and it hurts to break them in, but I love them. My flag football team made the championship (kicked the 'Hazes buts 46-12), it's next week at 5:00. Be there to cheer us on. Go Ballhall Bombers! (Ironic because only 1 person on the teams lives in Ball.) I think I'm headed home Thursday night after practice. I'm debating between surprising my parents and calling to let them know that I'll be home around 2 a.m. It just depends on how things are going and how much sleep I get. It's time for me to go have CK make me some Rolly Polly. I'm addicted, but I love it. Later y'all!

And AMS, I'm sorry for not calling you back on Sunday it was 11:30 before BE and BOA left and I had to do homework. And last night I was at practice until after 11 and had a paper due by 12. I swear, I have to start doing my homework and opening the books. lol. later honey!

Note to all reading this....

2005-10-04T13:38:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry, I haven't read anyone's blog in about a month-ish. If there is anything that you feel is important and I should know about, please leave it to me in a comment. It isn't that you aren't important to me, it's just that until December I'm not going to have time to stalk people. I'll catch up after Cash Bash.

Mgmt.

All she wants to do is dance.....

2005-10-04T10:14:00.000-05:00

...and that's all I do. If you ever want to know where I am, I'm dancing.
Monday Night: Teach class 7-8:45 p.m., Newbie Class 9-10 p.m., Smoke Talk 10-11 p.m.
Tuesday: Social Dancing, generally Cafe at Ray or Knights of Columbus 6-11 p.m.
Wednesday: Teach Basic Class 7-8 a.m.
Thursday: Teach Ballroom Class 7-8:45 p.m., Performance Team 9-10 p.m., Smoke Talk 10-11 p.m.
Friday-Saturday: Social Dancing with IBC, Rebels, Fred Aistare, whatever
Sunday: Dance Committee Meeting and Madame Walker

Don't forget flag football Monday nights and volleyball on Wednesday nights. Which explains how I received a C on my Geography test, a B on Destinations test, and I didn't open the book for the one I just took until last night.

I haven't slept in two days. Sunday I was talking to C and then just had a lot to think about and last night I had to study. I haven't spoken to my family in a week. I haven't spoken to most of my friends in longer than that. I'm sorry guys. I miss you, more than you know, I just need this right now. I need to perform and work my ass off, and be with the team. They're great. Not exactly good for me, but awesome. They're just a lot of shit going down in the team, and the board has a lot to deal with, FYI I'm unofficial V.P. We're voting after the Skippy stuff in November.

I would like to point out for AMS's benefit, that I'm not smoking at smoke talk, I'm just sitting in a cloud of everyone else's smoke. So will you still treat my lung cancer when I get old?

Other Random Stuff:
I bought and IPOD. It's great. I love it.
Definitely have a crush :) on CK.
Swimming Daily.
Growing my hair out.
TD and I are actually getting along. lol.
CM quit at work.
I love Rolly Polly, #37
I seriously need at night out with friends, probably won't happen for a while.

I hope that everyone is doing good. I really do miss you all!

giggle giggle.

2005-09-26T12:23:00.000-05:00

It's been a great weekend.

Thrusday was IUPUI's night out at Jillian's. No my bartendar, J, wasn't working. Doesn't mean I didn't drink. The chick made them wrong, and I wanted to complain, but it's all alcohol, right. NPN, AMS, and I left Jillians for Buca's but they were closed. I "accidentally" walked out of Jillian's with my cup. Oppppssss..... AMS was taking my pic with the money statue and it shattered. This will be me new facebook.com pic. Soon. Note to AMS, please send me pic! lol.

Friday I worked in the morning. I was really apathetic. I didn't want to be around people, but being alone was driving me crazy. I went to Best Buy and walked around, which always makes me happy. NPN, AMS, and I did and all you can eat Chinese Buffet for dinner. arrggghhhh....but still amazing.

Saturday was strange. I didn't put my contacts in, didn't get dressed, didn't shower, did homework, cleaned. Went to bed. And yet, somehow, I don't feel like I accomplished anything.

Sunday, same old, same old. Homework. Baked a cake. Cleaned the kitchen. DID NOT TAKE OUT THE TRASH. I'm so proud, but we'll get to that. Swing Cats meeting.

My current goal in life is to piss of the TD. I've also decided that I'm not going to take care of her anymore. All of my trash goes into the trashcan in my bedroom, which I take out every couple of days. I do my dishes. I clean my room and the living room/kitchen when I've made a mess. But anything else, she can deal with. This explains why my apt. smells like a trash heap and there are dirty dishes all over the kitchen. She made banana bread. I'm pretty sure it's because she knows the smell makes me sick.

I might have to break down though, because the 'Cats are coming over on Sunday. And they're ALL (23 ppl.) staying over on Sunday, November 6, 2005. HEHEHE. She can slam all of the doors she likes, it ain't changing. If she weren't such a stuck up hypocrit bitch, i might feel bad for treating her the way she's treating me. lol. I actually look forward to this.....

An amazing couple of weeks....

2005-09-20T14:04:00.000-05:00

I'm just going to hit the highlights. Sorry.

Ummm....Rich Hartesy (sp?) concert at Lamda Chi. It was amazing. I was against the stage, just to the left of Rich most of the night. Some jackass (scott?) was abusivly dancing/assulting us. I ended up dancing with Jared (our knight in shining armor) most of the night. Sweet. Good kisser. It was hard to really enjoy myself with Sean and Ryne right behind me all night, but I still loved it.

The next night I went dancing at Simply Ballroom in Fishers with the 'cats. We performed which was intimidating, to say the least. Made new friends in the world of ballroom. It's so fulfilling to be dancing again.

Sunday I had Dance Committee. Essentially we are throwing a formal Dinner and Dance for the Ballroom Community. It's Nov. 5. We're trying to raise money for Cash Bash in Ohio. I've always loved intensive weekend workshops. lol. Sign me up.

Last week? Dance marathon call outs. I'm on the morale committee with WH. It's hard because AB is on the board, but I won't really have to see him will I? Teaching west coast. Routine practice. Swimming. Class. Work. Other stuff.

Thursday. Home for my little brother's NECC soccer game. lol. We lost, but still. He proved to be a magnificent brick wall anyway. They kept calling people for charging him. It was great.

Friday. Worked on my car all day. Hung out with all my little brothers. Played WOW and Halo 2. Whatever.

Saturday. Saw my Aunt's new siding/remodeling project. It's almost done. Shopping with Mommy. haircut/trimmed it up. PHIL VASSAR concert. OMG. The most amazing performer I have seen. Plays piano on a level with Billy Joel. Energy level of Garth Brooks. Songs of Kenny Chesney. I was, of course, against the stage just to the left of Phil. I have pictures that are going to be amazing. I caught the base guitarist (Darrin)'s towel at the end and had Jeff (lead guitar), the keyboards/piano player and Darrin sign it. Definitely have Phil's autograph too! I'm still in heaven. If you haven't heard him try the Shakin' Not Stirred CD. It was written and recorded with his band. Amazing.

Sunday. Church. Colt's Game. Swing Cats meeting at my place.

Monday. Booked Skippy Blair (one of the founders of west coast) to come do a weekend of intensives the same weekend as our dinner and dance. We should make a $7000 profit. Cash Bash here we come. Spring break intensives. I'm going to dance my ass off this year. Oh, first flag football game, too! We kicked ass. The Ball Hall Bombers! Yea, I know. Whatever.

Definitely killed my ankle last night though. It got "twisted" during football and then I danced on it at practice for 2 hours. It would have been fine but we were doing natural tops and the "turtle" turns. I elivated and iced last night and now I'm in soak it in hot epsom salt zone. I don't think swimming on it would be good today, but that isn't going to stop me. I have to swim. It's an obsession. And then I have to dance. And then I have to do homework.

Leave me some love.

I have a new AIM now. Most of you should have it. Leave me a comment if you want it.

AMS. Fall Out Boy. Yes.

Updated from AMS's...............

2005-09-14T21:29:00.000-05:00

I'm such a bitch. I'm sitting here being really mean to someone and I like it. OMG. It doesn't end. Oh well. I love AMS. We're a great team. Nuff said.

I'm not sure if I should talk about JC in here or not. He's a sweet guy and I had a blast with him on Saturday, but he'll never be more than a friend.

Yep still being a bitch. Go me. She deserves it.

I wanna call A right now. I don't know her number, nor have I ever met her, but I want her to know that the "man of her dreams" cheated on her the first week of their "month and a half of paradise". Fuck off. If he was so in love, then why is he sleeping around? Or why isn't he telling his friends about you? Just a couple of questions that are on my mind. I'm vindictive, what can I say?

I've been a bitch 6 times in a row.

"so when the cytoplasm of a plant is pressed against the cell wall, Sara, what is this called?" "I have no fucking clue." "me either, but it's gotta be in this book somewhere." lol.

Okay I have swim at 5 in the morning so it's time to go home and go to bed. lol. Have a great weekend.

"Oh, I found it it's turgor pressure."

Stay glassy, or get glassy, or just get plastered.