Republic of Dogs

Let's roll, while I'm feelin' it!

2006-02-19T00:00:00.000-06:00

Alright punks, this joint is closed. Move the party on over to the new site: http://blog.republicofdogs.net If anyone is having trouble registering or commenting, just let me know. If you are a former contributer and are having trouble logging in, email me at respublica at republicofdogs.net and I'll make any neccessary changes. All current contributers are being removed from this blog. Do not be alarmed or offended. I'm just shutting this dump down so everyone will move to the new site. See ya there!

3 Songs

2006-02-18T23:55:00.000-06:00

Okay...for those of you still visiting here and wondering why the fuck I'm not posting over at the new place, it's really really simple. I'm totally lost at how to post on there. I found the screen to post on earlier today, only now I can't seem to find it again and reading directions is for other people. Also...I don't know what the issue with Blogger is right now, but they've apparently decided that I don't need any fucking line breaks in anything that I write. Chumpwads. I've had a few songs that I just can't get out of my head lately. The Best I Ever Had - Gary Allen Now That You're Gone - Ryan Adams Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band I Bet That You Look Good on the Dance Floor - Arctic Monkeys So it ended up being 4. Sue me.

No Sacred Cows in the Republic

2006-02-18T18:34:00.000-06:00

We're willing to make fun of just about anything...and while I know that some of you don't like all of the jokes being made about Brokeback Mountain, some of what I've come across is kind of funny. Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback (my favorite video clip so far)

Looking on the Bright Side

2006-02-18T14:59:00.000-06:00

1) Being fired totally killed my appetite and will probably be better than any diet. 2) More time for job hunting. 3) More time for the gym. 4) I've gotten some really cool e-cards and thoughtful emails, all of which are much appreciated. 5) I've got plenty of time to travel! Now I just need to win the lotto tonight. I even have time to drive to one of the states that has Powerball, but I'd settle for winning the MegaMillions. 6) I have time to catch up on all of my reading. 7) More time for going and commenting on everyone else's blogs. Ummm...I'm working on thinking of more.

Send Me Your Tax Refunds!!!

2006-02-17T16:39:00.000-06:00

Just in case I'm not able to collect unemployment. I was "terminated" today. Given my state of mind and that I'm kind of bummed about this, well...we'll just leave it at that for now. I'm going to avoid all of the gory details. The most humiliating part: Having an anxiety attack and being visibly upset as I was having to walk out of my upstairs office, my bag of things in hand, down the stairs to an office full of people, giving a few of my co-workers hugs goodbye, trying very hard to keep it together and just about losing it when I gave one of my favorite kids a hug before I left (I found out later that she was crying after I left). Then when I was out in the parking lot, was just able to catch one of the other kids. She's this little 18 year old lesbian who's so cute and sweet and smart and kind. She brought me some brownies for Valentine's Day. At least it wasn't a passing period where the kids would've been all over the place. I don't know that I could've handled that.

We Will Not Be Taken Over By Mr. Hypocrite!

2006-02-17T14:37:00.000-06:00

I am calling out to all of you, our dear readers. Our friends. Our loyal patrons. Pinko Punko has banned, banned me from 3bulls.blogspot.com. Adorable Girlfriend. Everyone's favorite blogger! What the fuck? Dr. Liberal-We-Love-All,Serve Few and Talk-About-Pork-and-Nothing (DLWLASFTAPAN)thinks he is going to get away with this?! First the blog banning, then brain washing Res Publica into moving. What's next? Where will he stop? He sleeps with Chuckle's mother or steals one of Blue Girl's posts? Pinko is a force to be reckoned with. Lucky for us, I know just the contractors to deal with his sorry little pale white arse. Step One: Boycott new 3B! site, only visit old site and post like crazy! Step Two: TBA Same bat channel, same bat time, kids!

preview of coming detractions!

2006-02-16T22:10:00.000-06:00

Okay, feel free to come on over and check out the Republic's new digs at blog.republicofdogs.net. It's definitely still under construction - the template's still generic, the links aren't even sort of done (so don't get mad if you don't see yours listed yet), and there's a million little other things I need to set up over there. However, the archives have been migrated, and it's up and running. One other thing: I've decided not to migrate the old comments. HaloScan has the nerve to want you to PAY to export the stupid shit other people have sprayed all over your blog! I think we all know just about how likely that is. Finally, please be patient. I am 100% new to WordPress, and I'm not exactly the kind of guy who carefully reads the instructions before using something new.

To-do list

2006-02-16T19:00:00.000-06:00

Feel free to suggest ways to actually DO these things, because if I knew, I'd have already done them. 1. Back up the dubious contents of this blog. 2. Transfer said dubious contents to shiny, new WordPress Blog (with a capital B!). 3. Transfer snarky HaloScan comments re: said dubious contents to shiny, new WordPress Blog (with a capital B!). 4. Move my AdSense crap over to shiny, new WordPress Blog (with a...well, you know).

Ha Ha Ha! HA!

2006-02-16T16:41:00.000-06:00

Which one of you choads nominated this shack for a Koufax? I'm actually really honored, although I think that this blog is in no way, shape or form the "Best New Blog" of 2005. But it does let me know that at least one or two of you find this amusing, so maybe I'll get off my lazy ass and put a little effort in.

Poster Boy

2006-02-16T09:55:00.000-06:00

He talked about whether he was a Diva or not in his interview that aired on Tuesday night during the Olympics. Please do not let Johnny Weir become the poster boy for gay rights or pimple faced little girls. He is so tragic!

Tolerance is just a $10 word for weakness

2006-02-15T14:01:00.000-06:00

This guys and this guy? Yeah. Same guy.

pull my finger!

2006-02-15T11:50:00.000-06:00

Hello, chumps! I see that this blog has gone completely to hell, complete with infernal pictures of puppies and ghoulish cut-n-pastes from Craig's List, so I thought I should finally step in and see if I have any readers left.

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope it was truly wretched for all of you. Here in the Presidential Mansion, we kept it low-key. I have a long-standing loathing for the horrid, sugar-encrusted Feast of St. Valentine, and we were both kind of broke anyway. So….cards, candy, and some hot man-on-man action, and we called it a day.

Items:

No, not Troy. Nutella!

Good lord, do I love Nutella. Did anyone see the February cover of Gourmet magazine, with that chocolate-hazelnut mousse tart? Well, I made it, and it required Nutella, which I hadn’t even though of in years and years. But now I’m here in bed, eating it out of the jar with a spoon.

Pestilence! Yes, dear Reader, ‘tis the season to be sick! South Texas pretty much missed out on winter this year, so the mountain cedar trees are blooming their pollen-laden blooms, and the mold is growing with great gusto. Finally, the Rodeo is in town, along with its attendant hoard of dirty carneys and poor people! All of this adds up to a hideous cloud of pollen and spores and germs hovering over my fair city, infiltrating every school and office. Everyone around me got sick, and now I’m sick. At first, it was just horrible allergies, but then that turned into a sinus infection, so I went to my doctor. He gave me some antibiotics, and I took those, but now I think I have bronchitis. Or ebola.

Joey Cheek! You are my new boyfriend! Stick it in!

You give love a bad name!

“Shoot-em-up” Dick! If you ask me, it’s been far too long since we had a drunken gun-nut in the White House, randomly spraying shotgun fire at his political supporters. I can’t say this incident really surprised me. I suspect that both Dick and George are pretty much drunk most of the time.

Also, let me just say that (this being Texas) I know a LOT of hunters, and I don’t know anyone who has ever shot or been shot by another person in a “hunting accident”. It’s really not that hard to NOT shoot people. Also, it’s a really special kind of pansy who hunts on one these “game ranches” where they raise huge herds of “wild” animals for you to just sort of randomly pick off so you can pretend to be the Great White Hunter. Weak, weak, weak.

Craig's List

2006-02-14T20:53:00.000-06:00

I found this in the Austin M4M personals: Big Dick Looking to Shoot In Your Face. And yes...aside from the title, it's safe for work. I'm also not sure what to make of this offer. He's either a really kind guy or a big freak, but it's been a while, so I'd probably hit it. If I were a woman (since the offer is for a woman).

Awwwwwwwwww

2006-02-14T20:44:00.000-06:00

This is a sweet story. Happy Valentine's Day.

Says it All!

2006-02-14T08:33:00.000-06:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T08:27:00.000-06:00

Musings from a night out in Boca Raton

2006-02-13T08:27:00.000-06:00

The Uncanny Canadian and Adorable Girlfriend enjoy this kosher place, Eilat Cafe, in Boca Raton, Florida. The food is amazing there, though neither keep kosher. It's on the water too. Who knows what makes it so special other than it is. The other patrons are quite a different story. Last night, the others seemed to think either shtuping or harassing the woman taking names for tables is appropriate etiquette. AG being as lovely as she is and UC being an uncanny fellow knew before arriving that a wait was likely. When food is this good, everyone else knows it too. Hence, a wait will result. Apparently, the rest of the patrons just did not get this concept. There was the couple around the age of 30 who wanted a confirmation or guarantee when informed it would be approximately 25 minutes, the family who wanted to know why they had a 45 minute wait when they arrived and the new table of five was approximately 20 minutes. The old coffin dodger who informed the woman she was useless, didn't know anything and she should just leave. To which, UC said, "some people are just rotten" and AG thought, "let me hold the door to escort you out while you leave". This was not the Seinfeld Chinese restaurant episode. Sorry folks! If there wasn't enough Jewish stereotypes after the waiting drama, the inside got better. Not sure if the prize went to the older woman who poured all of the rolls into her leftovers and the people who didn't like their food, but ate all of it, and wanted it free or the older woman who taped the shoulder of the young couple next to UC and AG and discussed what the table next to them consumed, even though they hadn't placed their order and the older woman had already eaten and was waiting to go. The real winner was the New York family. AG is guessing Rockland County, probably Nyack, though that's being generous. Frankly, they were more trashy, which is really saying something. The mother and daughter were in some sort of Mexican hat dance and to the daughter's credit, her mother was a monster. There was a couple with their young daughter seated next to them. UC loved their little child with her bold reddish orange hair and cute like light up sneakers. She was more interested in walking around with her train, 'James', as she told us his name was then seating for dinner. Nobody minded because she was cute, quiet and easily satisfied. Nasty mom looks over finally, you know because the rest of the world is background for her life, takes one look at the child and says to the mother in an act of offense and strategy to hurt her own daughter too, "good luck with the red head". The Jewish people jumped the shark with AG last night. Isn't there enough cruelty and suffering in the world? With all that is happening in Iraq and various other places from Tibet to Belfast, do we need to be cruel to each other? The Jewish people especially watched and still watch the killings of people based on nothing more than a desire to live freely and openly. And here we are insulting children with red hair and a young girl trying to seat people who we neither know or has done anything to us. Honestly. The public is just rotten.

I Hope She Brings Her Chakram With Her

2006-02-12T02:00:00.000-06:00

Lucy Lawless is going to be appearing in a 10-episode arc of Battlestar Galactica. 5'll get you 10 that Starbuck kicks her ass though.

Winter Olympic Hotties

2006-02-10T22:15:00.000-06:00

I think that all of the Olympians should start having to model... Jeremy Bloom Bode Miller

Cobag Alert: A New Breed of Cobags

2006-02-10T07:35:00.000-06:00

It is likely that a new word for these chumptards is needed because cobag isn't strong enough. Too bad Gregor is gone for a few days because we think he could suggest something. Check out this site. This is a major, major alert! You have the right to troll and not remain silent. Break out the trolls, get the troll mobile warmed up and let's troll and roll. Sushi dinner on AG afterwards!

What's the Worst Thing You Ever Received For Valentine's Day?

2006-02-10T07:15:00.000-06:00

One AOL reader said: "My last Valentine's Day gift was a pink T-shirt with a picture of Chrissy from 'Three's Company' on it! I've never worn anything like that before, so I don't know where he got the idea. Anyway, he got the boot shortly after."

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For the Girls

2006-02-09T09:07:00.000-06:00

Girls, it's a pretty simple combo for the man in your life: Order one extra porky pork meal from the local Thai or pizza place near the house. Then go to his favorite local baseball, football, soccer, etc. team's website. You know, a huge waste of his time, kind of team like the Boston PATHETIC Red Sox and order two bleacher tickets for some weekend in May. He should go with his friend that weekend, because he should enjoy the game and not you dumping all over it! Finally, put clean linens on the bed and allow him to work the remote control or pick the movie from the rental place that night. Extra points for the girls who actually care about what they wear that evening on the clean linens.

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas: For the Boys

2006-02-09T08:43:00.000-06:00

OK, boys, when deciding what to get the love of your life, the gleam in your eye and throb in your heart and what Pop Ren calls, 'the old lady' (shame on you Pop!), look no further than, KATE SPADE! Every girl loves Kate Spade. And this year is no differnt with her new designs and ideas for Valentine's Day. For the empty pockets, budget minded fellow, TJ Maxx has lovely Kate Spade items at a price you can afford. She won't even know and we won't tell. For those who have really screwed up this year like forgetting her birthday or you don't get your act in gear for Valentine's Day and are late on the scene, you'll be hitting both here and here and purchasing the most expensive thing. P.S. Pop, for your use of the girl 'c' word on your blog, you'll need to visit all three suggested stores!

Self-Explanatory

2006-02-08T19:06:00.000-06:00

He's a fuckwad....that's all I'm saying. There was also a piece that I heard about how his budget has cut the funding for the first large scale study of children's health issues and why, for the first time, children aren't as healthy as their parents (which I can't seem to find the link to right now, but can't find). Oh, and he wants to do away with community service block grants too. Maybe because the General Accounting Office found out that he fucked the shit up. The rich get richer and if you're poor, I hope you've gotten used to taking it up on the ass on a regular basis. Without lube. Unless of course, you've found God, you fucking heathens. Anyone remember when the future seemed so bright and shiny and full of hope? Yeah, me neither.

I Hate Love: The Movie Contest

2006-02-07T20:28:00.000-06:00

Madame Rouge suggested his favorite anti-love movie quote: I've always chosen a more sublte form of bitterness, such as Martha Plimpton's character did in 200 Cigarettes. She throws a New Year's Eve party to which no one arrives. She gets wasted, and in one scene she's watching Love Story on the television. "Love means never having to say you're sorry" bemoans a young Ali McGraw. The camera is focused on the tv set. A drink sails through the air, crashes against the screen, and you hear Plimpton in the background: "I hate you fuckers!" Adorable Girlfriend figures something from The War of the Roses might be useful or when Ali Sheedy said to Judd Nelson in St. Elmo's Fire, "Yeah, well you fucked many". Those cheesy-easy 80s John Hughes-esque films are good places to start. Pucker up kiddos because we're hosting a contest. The winner will receive a giant orgasm. Thanks to our spammer friend, Dave, one lucky winner will get this big O.