Boondoggled

Drunk Drivers

2008-07-05T09:59:00.002-04:00

I have always been somewhat militant against driving after drinking anything at all. I feel guilty if I drive after having just one beer. I lecture my friends, family members and co-workers about it. I nag, whine and cajole and ask them to please, please, PLEASE just call me to come get them if they have been drinking and need a ride home.

My daughter and her boyfriend were in their car last night, going to his mother's house for the 4th of July obligatory cookout and fireworks display, when a drunk driver hit them head on. The baby was not with them, thank God, and they weren't seriously hurt, just banged, bruised and very sore.

I am afraid that this will cause me to be more of a nagger about it than ever. It could have been so much worse than what it was. As it is their car is destroyed, but they are still alive. They will have loads of bullshit to deal with, with insurance and all, but they are still able to hold and raise that baby girl. So many people aren't that lucky.

Please do not drive when you've been drinking.

Have You Ever Noticed...

2008-07-02T09:57:00.004-04:00

That sometimes, when you wake up sick in the middle of the night, throwing up... your body attempting to eject any superfluous organs that it considers non-essentials, your only comfort is the fact that you will get a day off from work to die in peace. And then morning comes and you feel better. No fever, no more throwing up, and since everything that made you sick in the first place is long gone you feel almost normal except for the lack of sleep and the headache you have from trying to eject your eyeballs.

When things like that happens there is no sympathy to be found anywhere. You only annoy the people who you might happen to be living with by the loud vomiting while they are trying to sleep, and when morning comes and you feel better they look at you as if you are faking. You call into work and since you didn't call while your arms are desperately hugging the toilet or whilst loudly throwing up they aren't very sympathetic either and just want to know when you can make it in.

Yeah... I'm going in after lunch hour.

Papers due n'stuff.

SOMEONE feel sorry for me please.....

I think I'll go take a nap. I wish the damn dog that lives upstairs would stop his fucking barking.

A Word That Makes Me Giggle

2008-07-01T09:53:00.001-04:00

Harbles

Thought you ought to know.

Tshirt Hell

2008-06-30T07:30:00.002-04:00

It has been a long time since I visited Tshirt Hell, so I thought I would have a look at their new stuff. I was not disappointed and just HAD to share it with you guys.

This could apply to any situation anywhere EVER.

I've never actually been to Idaho, but if someone has a differing opinion than the one on this incredibly brilliant tshirt, I will be happy to post it.

I'm pretty sure the ex-boyfriend came up with this one.

No explanation nee....zzzzzz

Just kidding. Size doesn't matter. (snicker)

This one made me giggle.

This could describe a few people I know.

Agreed. This guy can pay my tab anytime. Then I would have no choice but to put out. It would be the least I could do.

But with my luck he'd probably take this attitude.

I saved the best for last. I'm hoping it will help my fucking rating.

There you have it, another brilliant installment from my favorite clothier.

Well Its New To Me!

2008-06-28T06:30:00.005-04:00

The Handsome JC is a music fanatic, which is cool for me because he is always getting for me CDs of bands that would normally not be anywhere near my radar. I guess he is trying to broaden my horizons. This one is Coheed & Cambria, whom I confess to have never heard of before now. I know.. most of you guys are probably wondering where I've been n'stuff, but come on now really. Look at their picture -

That one guy disturbs me. (No not that one, the other one.)

I used to cut hair for a living (before I decided that computers were more fun to work with than people). That is one scary do.

Love their music though.

In other musical news... Well ok it isn't news, just idle gossip (hehe).

My son is a die hard, OMG! Flaming Lips fan. (Their music speaks to him, and he has attempted to use me to stalk them.) So my son, knowing that one of my best friends was married to one of the band members and that I went to high school with 90% of the band, asked me why the former lead singer quit. Apparently, from what I've seen, the reason is the stuff of mythical legends. He asked me did I know the answer. Why yes my son, yes I do. Well why then? I told him the reason. It was anticlimactic and his disappointment was extreme.

Even rock stars can be mundane.

I'm the Nightmare Ex

2008-06-26T08:38:00.002-04:00

I just read this article about a guy who was taking his new girlfriend to a party where his ex-wife would be. He was running over the several nightmare scenarios of the possible outcome. This made me think back to Christmas before last when I met my ex-husband's girlfriend. I wasn't very nice.

Now don't get me wrong, it wasn't her fault. She seemed nice enough and believe it or not, I was genuinely happy that my ex-husband had found someone that he cared about and who seemed to care about him. The problem was that I was very, very, VERY angry at my ex-husband, and that came out in the meeting. I am pretty sure that the new girl thought it was directed at her, but what could I say. At that point I didn't care.

What happened was that on Christmas morning, which he and I had always made a point of sharing with our children even after the divorce, my son opened a gift from his father and it turned out to be something that I had stood firmly against him having until he turned 18. My son knew he wasn't allowed to have it until he was 18 and my ex-husband knew my view on it, but he got it for him anyway. I was, how shall we say it... murderous. That night while I was sitting peacefully at my parent's house, my ex-husband arrived to introduce the new girl to me. I was still murderous and it was very apparent.

I feel a little bad now about behaving that way because I know (or at least hope) that it had nothing to do with her, that it was just him being him and overriding my wishes (yet again).

The two of them have since broken up, but if ever I see her I will apologize for behaving like a spoiled child in front of her.

And then we can laugh about the ex that belongs to the both of us now.

MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

The Trons

2008-06-26T04:48:00.002-04:00

I guess it saves on drug and alcohol expenses.

I Have Found a New Love

2008-06-24T09:28:00.004-04:00

Hillside Self Heating Beverages.

Oh. My. Gawd.

I read about these last year but forgot about them until I was in Oklahoma, when I happened to see them at the store and bought a couple of them. I'm hooked. No microwaving, no heating water, no coffee maker, no Starbucks. You press the little button and voila, a few minutes later you have steaming hot (and quite tasty) coffee and a nifty hand warmer. I only wish it were winter so I could enjoy the full effect of having warm hands when I am outdoors in the cold.

It has been discovered that they also sell these things with chicken soup and tomato soup in them. I am SO going to the store at lunch to see if I can find them.

Life is good. hehe

(No, I am not being paid for this rave review.)

I'll Miss Ya George

2008-06-23T15:13:00.001-04:00

California

2008-06-23T09:07:00.001-04:00

Do you know what happened this week back in 1850, 158 years ago?

1. California became a state.
2. The state had no electricity.
3. The state had no money.
4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish.
5. There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, it was just like California is today, except the men didn't hold hands.

Well That Didn't Take Long

2008-06-22T11:11:00.002-04:00

Ms. Odat answered the test question almost before I had it typed. Yup, it is Moonshadow sung by Cat Stevens, which is my current favorite CD. I'm jealous that she actually saw this guy back when he was Cat Stevens and not Yusuf Islam.. although I watched a couple of videos of him singing now and he's still a damn good singer (apologies Yusuf for saying the word damn when describing you, but it applies).

My brother gave me this CD when we were driving from Dallas to my parents' place in Oklahoma last week. He said he didn't like it much. What??? How can anyone not be enthralled with Cat Stevens?? Damn Texan. He probably listens to country.

And now, on to other news that is happening in my general vicinity these days........

Yeah. That's it. Exciting isn't it?

A Test

2008-06-22T05:25:00.003-04:00

If I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth north and south, if I ever lose my mouth...

I won't have to talk.

What is that quote from?

One More... Just Because

2008-06-21T10:52:00.002-04:00

I had to cuz it is such an adorable picture. :-)

Oh Noooo

2008-06-20T07:08:00.002-04:00

I returned to the humble abode last night. I'm tired.. and what is worse is I feel horribly guilty as well. My 17 year old son is trapped in Dallas.

Here is what happened:

My brother is a pilot. He can get us tickets that cost us nothing, to fly pretty much anywhere. The problem though is that we have to fly stand by. Sometimes we can catch an easy flight and sometimes we can't, but its free so we don't complain. My son was flying back to Savannah with me yesterday. We survived the being trapped for 3 hours on the airplane that was sitting out on the runway whilst we waited for the storm in Dallas to stop. We survived the eating the TGIF food. We ran into my brother (in his pilot's uniform), and his fiance (in her flight attendant uniform), and we stood there and talked to them until time for our flight out of Dallas. It was nice, it was comfortable... and then the clerk called my name. They only had room for one of us on the flight. I had to be back to work today and my brother and his girlfriend promised to get my son on the flight to Jacksonville and then I could drive from here to pick him up.

Only they canceled the flight to Jacksonville.

So now my son is trapped in Dallas.

The guilt. Oh the guilt.

He probably had the time of his life, staying with his favorite uncle in their fancy new house.

The little shit.

Just Look At That Face

2008-06-15T11:52:00.002-04:00

Is that not the most gorgeous thang you've ever seen? Unfortunately for you guys (all two of you), I have held (and babysat) the little peanut and have fallen hopelessly in love. She sleeps through the day, keeps her mama up all night, screams her head off when she's getting a bath, makes the most godawful faces, but I've never seen anything so stinking cute.

I think I might like this grammy stuff. hehe

And She's Off!

2008-06-12T20:12:00.003-04:00

I'm flying out to Oklahoma in the morning to go meet my newly sprogged grandchild. I will be there approximately 6 days and I may or may not get to post whilst I'm away. I am in the middle, as I type, of trying to convince The Handsome JC to guest blog for me, but he sounds less than enthusiastic about it, so I won't hold my breath. I mean really.. how hard is it to type something profound and utterly brilliant on a daily basis?

Anyway, I will post if I can, but if not I will be back quicker than the ex boyfriend could jump at meaningless sex.

In the meantime, here is a video for your viewing pleasure. I bet all of you know someone just like this.

She Won!!

2008-06-12T04:55:00.005-04:00

It's true, Jess won a prize in the raffle. It wasn't the laptop though (sorry chicklet, I did fully intend to give it to you if I had won it), it was a "Limited Edition" print of a painting of River Street in Savannah... except there are two bridges (or something like that).

I just want to know where she is going to hang that lovely piece of high art.

We can take consolation in one thing, and that is that Potty Monitor didn't win it either.

Oh, by the way, those of you who still wander back here and read this crap, the ever-powerful Potty Monitor is back at it, watching our light usage whilst we take our bio breaks. Some things never change, not even my underhanded attempts to drive her to distraction.

LIGHTS OUT...... MWA HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

The Shit Will Hit The Fan Now

2008-06-11T03:19:00.005-04:00

It all started with a phone call.

Sunday afternoon my phone rang. The caller ID said it was my daughter, who was due to sprog at any minute.

I picked up the phone, said hey there... silence, except for a tiny sob on the other end. I asked what was wrong. More quiet sobs. I asked again what was wrong. "n n n nothing. (sob)" What's going on, I asked, why are you crying? "I don't k k knowwwwww (sob)." Then why are you crying?? "I think my water broke - *whimper*." Ohhhh. I asked her was she sure she didn't pee herself? (I know, but it was funny at the time, hehe) Her response was, "I DON'T KNOW!!! *WAILLLLL*"

Turns out she hadn't peed herself.

Brooke Vegas, born Monday morning at approximately 8:30 a.m., 7 lbs. 15 oz.

Holy moley I'm a grandma.

But isn't she gorgeous.

Eating Worms

2008-06-09T09:17:00.005-04:00

This is another epic tale of my son and his adventures. This one involves his crafty older sister. I've told you about his strange pets, Sassy and Hank, and I've told you about his utter delight with a very strange present, but I have never told you how susceptible he was to his big sister's suggestions.

When he was a baby she was so disappointed that he wasn't a girl that she dressed him in a pink robe and taped paper hair all over his bald head. He endured it with extreme stoicism. When he was older she dressed him as a cheerleader. He was quite enthusiastic about that one. One year at Christmas she dressed him as a shepherd and they sat in the laundry basket sleigh with our dog George being dressed up as a reindeer (cross referenced Christmas, but that's okay, it was cute). All of her antics were met by him with nothing more than a slight frown which soon slipped into an expression of resignation. She was his boss, he was born to do as she said.

The particular incident I am about to tell you about had me completely grossed out, but laughing, but curious to see where it would go, then grossed out again.

My daughter, in her infinite wisdom, brought her brother a worm. A common earthworm, nothing more. He was slightly confused but accepted the gift graciously, nonetheless.

She then dared him to eat it.

He refused.

She prodded, cajoled and used all of her powers of persuasion. I could see that he was weakening, so I told him DON'T YOU DARE. He again refused. She again prodded, manipulated and begged. He again weakened. By this time I could see where this was going. I knew earthworms wouldn't hurt him, but ewwwwwwwwwww....

At this point I was pretty sure she would never convince him to eat the thing. But then he did the unthinkable.

He told her he would eat it if she would cook it for him.

That then started the begging and whining on her part, directed at me this time, to allow her to cook the worm for my son. I refused. She prodded, cajoled and drove me insane. I weakened. She prodded some more. I told her she was not allowed to use my good frying pan. That inspired her.

She ran into the house and dug through my pots and pans until she found one that was never used anymore, one that was scratched and ruined and needed to be thrown away. (DAMMIT why didn't I throw that thing away before then??)

She then commenced to frying up that earthworm for my son to eat. He turned a little green, but had already made the promise. She brought that fried worm out to my son (we were outdoors at the time), and said, "Here!" He looked at it, looked at me, I was saying, "Don't do it, don't do it don't do it..." but he had promised.

He then told her that he couldn't do it. She took it back into the house, and in a burst of creativity that impresses me to this day, came out with that worm in a hot dog bun with ketchup on it.

He ate it. He didn't die.

She was happy and he was smug.

Motorcycles

2008-06-09T05:49:00.003-04:00

I mentioned in the last post about JC's new motorcycle. I am excited for him as far as being excited about motorcycles go. I don't ride.. or at least I haven't in many years. He, however, is determined that I will relearn that particular skill. That is all well and good, but I told him that if he wants me to ride then he is going to have to find me one of these:

Name that tune. :-)

(I know of one person who will recognize this without a doubt, but will he comment.... to be seen I suppose.)

Quirks

2008-06-08T08:33:00.002-04:00

The Handsome JC, the love of my life, the man of my dreams, is weird. Yes, its true, and I'll tell ya why.

A few days ago there were tornadoes in the area where he lives. He was at work and someone mentioned to him that there was severe activity in the vicinity of his house. Obviously there wasn't much he could do about it, so he stayed at work and finished out his day. On the way home from work, a 45 minute drive, he worried about one thing - no, not his brand new Harley Davidson Rocker C that was parked outside, nor whether he still had a roof on his house - he worried about whether the cover was blown off his hot tub again because he says that thing is hellishly heavy to carry back up the stairs from his yard to his deck.

Thankfully, when he arrived, his $25,000 motorcycle was intact, as was his roof, but I could hear the relief in his voice when he announced that his hot tub cover was firmly where it was supposed to be, on the hot tub.

Now, if it had been me, and someone had told me there was a tornado near my house, I would have i) panicked; ii) mourned the loss of my dog because I knew he would be in the midst of a fatal stroke; and iii) worried about my new cinnamon apple candle I just bought and hadn't had a chance to burn yet.

Or something like that. But if I had a $25,000 motorcycle sitting outside, I think my priorities would have been a bit different.

Yep, he's weird. That's probably why we get along so well.

Sheep

2008-06-05T07:31:00.005-04:00

I've gone and done it now. I've joined the herd. I'm a LOLcat fanatic.

But they are so freaking funny. And sometimes they speak to me.

More Flight of the Conchords

2008-06-04T20:10:00.003-04:00

A friend at work (no not that one) has decided that she is a huge fan of Flight of the Conchords. She has sent YouTube videos and outlined the television program plots. She has sang bits of every song they have ever done. I decided that drastic measures were needing to be taken, so I emailed them. Yes. I sent an email to Flight of the Conchords.

Dear Mr. Clement and Mr. McKenzie:

I am writing to you because we, at our office, need your help.

One of the girls here has formed an obsession with you (the both of you we think, but she has never specified really) and your musical antics. She has taken to describing the plots of your television program in detail, to sending clips of the two of you in funny situations, to laughing hysterically at the mention of either of your names.

She has also formed the annoying habit of walking through a room saying, “I’m the hiphopapotamus, my rhymes are bottomless..............” and leaving it open at the end so that we are all left waiting for the next line that never comes. IT NEVER COMES!

Please help us.

Deb

I was going to send her a copy but decided that she would more than likely send me to Jesus. As soon as I get a response (and I fully expect to), I'll then let her know what I've done.

She'll probably still send me to Jesus.

But at least it will be funny.

hehe

This Is My Life

2008-06-04T09:38:00.005-04:00

Thank you Mr. Savage for summing up the blog wars with my office partner.

Well done. hehe

The Dumbest Quote EVER

2008-06-03T11:02:00.003-04:00

"It makes it safer for everyone who's inside the prison system, both the inmates, the staff members -- the correctional custody staff," said Matt Gray from Taxpayers for Improving Public Safety. "Prison simply cannot function in a safe manner right now with all of the overcrowding."

Taken from this article about early releases from prison to ease prison overcrowding in California... because we're all about making sure the prison inmates are safe.

I don't live in California, but if you are interested in reminding them how much of a dumbass idea this is, or to point out that you had never heard a more dumbass quote, that on a level of dumbassedness that rates a 200 which makes Mr. Gray the king of all dumbasses, the email form is here.

Maybe I'm just missing something.