Can I get a Do-Over?

2007-07-14T00:43:00.000-04:00

2007-07-14T00:39:00.001-04:00

Flickr Photo Download: Cheryl FlyerBW

2007-07-14T00:39:00.000-04:00

Question to the Nation...

2007-01-08T11:15:00.001-05:00

Hey, Every single one of my fellow Americans...I have a serious question. And I know that all of you check into my little blog *every single day* just to see if there is anything new in my life. Yep...even you Idaho. I know it.

So here it is...and I want answers...

Does anyone else find it odd, irritating, and terribly terribly frightening that for the past, oh....Month or so, the biggest news regarding our Great Nation is that the President of the United States is *gasp* trying to come up with a plan for the Iraq War?

Um. Isn't that his JOB?

Didn't he get us into this? Isn't this *HIS* war?

Why should I be hearing actual news stories about the fact that he "Met with his top Military Advisors". As Commander in Chief of the United States Military in a time of War, shouldn't we, the American people be correct in assuming that he has been actively doing this all along? Am I wrong here?

Should it really be National news that the President has decided that the current plan is not working over there, and is trying to change it? When I, of the Colbert Nation, with no military experience or knowledge could tell you the reasons why it isn't working, and have been able to for at least the second half of this war?

How many more people have died over there, just since I heard that he started to listen to his advisors? This is so fucked up you guys. Seriously. Seriously you guys. This isn't a game. It isn't Risk. These are real people, and a real country. Real soldiers, real civilians, and a real culture that has been warring for thousands of years. We meddled in affairs that we could never resolve...and screwed up big big, thankya kindly, Sai. We all know it, and Our Esteemed President should have been changing his "strategery" years ago. (sad that I can say years ago, isn't it?)

The only way that this should be front page news, is if it was reported with the appropriate outrage.

The weekend cometh

2006-12-15T18:01:00.001-05:00

Awwww man. I am so glad this week is over. It's weird, over this past week, my shoulders have gotten progressively tighter and tighter. I am now in pain, mild pain. It sucks. Argh.

But! its the WEEKEND. I have people coming to look at my truck tomorrow. Hopefully I will be able to sell it for a decent price, and have money to pay for christmas...and bills. Keep you fingers crossed, kids! I'm kinda nervous about it though. Just cuz I don't wanna deal with people coming to my house, and wrinkling their noses in disdain. I said just how crappy it was, but you know people. Like they really listen.

I have to work at *$ on sunday. A full shift, 1:30-10:15. That is a long time to be making coffee, you know? But, it's the last day of work for a couple weeks. All the college kids are back, and they need to work there to keep listed as active employees. So, while I really need the money, and could beg for more shifts, I instead am going to take this beautiful gift and run with it. One day of *B between Sunday and the new year. Ahhhhh.

Well, I am on my way home. Out of work. Shutting down the computer, and going home.

Oh check out these cool links from boing boing!!!

http://imaginaryfoundation.com/index.php?pagemode=index&type=Mens%20T

http://www.theposterlist.com/

Time to Make the Donuts...er...coffee

2006-12-13T17:49:00.001-05:00

I really don’t want to go to *$ tonight. I kinda never want to. The thing is, once I’m there, I actually kinda enjoy myself. But, right now, I just want to go home. Sitting at a desk all day looking at report after report, with no change, and no variety…my brain really becomes kinda numb. I actually leave work everyday, feeling like my head is full of cotton. It sounds so stupid…but having a run of the mill office job is draining. Half the time, I just want to fall asleep at my desk. But I of course can’t. Doesn’t stop me from going out to the car at lunch and sleeping in the backseat, covered up with a blanket for an hour though. Yep. That’s how sleep deprived I am.

But I digress. *$, riiiiight. So I’m almost done with this day job. And I get to hop in my car, and drive the 2 minutes it takes to get across the street to the *$. First, let me just tell you, there are 5 *$ within about 2 miles. I’m not kidding you. There really are. Ours however, has a drive thru. Kids, there ain’t nothing in the world like having a college degree, and a fancy title with the word “analyst” in it….and yet spend your evenings saying “Thank you, see you at the window” into a headset. I used to derive great pleasure out of saying “Thank You, Please Drive Through” But that kinda lost its luster. The drive thru, and register isn’t so bad. I get to talk to people, and I’m kinda a smart ass, and a schmoozer, so people tend to get a kick out of me I think. Actually making the drinks drives me nuts. My last stint with this company I was actually purty good at the coffee making. Still am, I think. When I make you a white mocha, or a caramel macchiato…you will weep at the subtle blending of flavor. You see…I stir. If you order a drink with a heavy syrup…I’m not going to hand it to you with a glop of white chocolate at the bottom of your cup, and some whip cream on top. Eww. I’ve gotten those before, and almost choke on the bitterness, when I am expecting sweet goodness. But I am way slower now then I used to be, never can keep up with having steamed milk on hand, and get stressed out if we get a rush.

The kids I work with are really fun. We have an interesting mix of people that work there, and we are all a little nuts. So it makes it a good time in that regard. I. Just. Am. Sick. Of. Having. To. Go. Right now, my knee hurts, my head is fuzzy, I’m sneezy and I’m really tired. Besides the making of coffee, and the bullshittin with customers…cleaning bathrooms, washing the endless amount of dishes, sweeping and mopping, constantly wiping things off, lifting things, pouring drinks, scrubbing walls. It’s just tiring and stupid after being up since 8 am…to be doing all that stuff until 10:30 at night. I should be getting ready for bed.

Esp since, I have a hard time falling asleep lately anyway (lately being like…the past year). So, maybe at 10:30 I should be calming down and gearing up to watch John and Stephen on Comedy Central. Maybe a movie or chatting online with friends. Instead, I am pushing a mop and am elbow deep in sudsy water. Of course, the plus side of working for *$ are the drinks throughout my shift. Downside of that is the espresso coursing thru my veins by the time I make it home from that 30 minute commute. That keeps me up until about 2 or 3 every single night. Then rise and shine for the next day. Dude I hate it.

All this is to say, that it sure would be FUCKING nice….if I had enough money in my bank account, that I didn’t have to depend on this schedule. I am barely staying alive (definitely not afloat) with both these jobs. I don’t really know what else to do…other than toss on a smelly green apron, and smile at all the people buying drinks that I literally wouldn’t be able to afford right now.

Sigh.

Just cuz...

2006-12-13T15:32:00.000-05:00

Wow. Can’t believe I actually posted all that yesterday. Not like it’s that big of a deal, but it was pretty personal stuff, and I’m a pretty private person. Really though? It kinda felt good to put all that out there.

I mean, who can you really tell all about how alone you feel? Um, if you are feeling alone, that means there isn’t anyone to tell. Friends are soopa cool. But like, nobody wants to hear that you want to cuddle up with someone at night. That’s kinda embarrassing and awkward, right? So, I typed it out. And put it online for the whole world to see. Way to make sense there….awwww, but what the hell! Nobody reads this really anyway.

Anyways, my goal is to actually write on this thing more than I have been. I’m really bad at it. My friend art-official and I were doing a photo blog contest with each other for awhile, but…of course her follow thru is almost as bad as mine with that. She however actually maintains her blog. Whereas I, seem to just maintain wearing a hole in the chair in front of the TV at night.

I want to do something grandiose. You know? Like not suddenly achieving worldwide fame and recognition, (tho, I wouldn’t turn that down at all) But I want to find my voice, and my ability to follow through with creative ideas. I am so soul-sick and tired….its like the end of Neverending Story *spoiler alert for the one person in the world I know who has never seen that movie* when the princess holds the one grain of sand in her hand. One glimmering sparkle left of Fantasia.

That’s what’s left of the excited, self confident, bold and proud chick that I was in college. That one little glowing piece of sand. And…I’m kinda scatterbrained, so I don’t remember where I stashed it.

I know its there.

Somewhere inside me.

I think it might be lodged in my gall bladder. Or perhaps I left it in my knee…which would explain why the knee is starting to hurt again.

(On a side note: It is so sick and wrong, but I actually would gladly welcome more knee problems. To the point where I need another surgery. For real. It would give me a week off work, and a big supply of great painkillers. Which are good to keep on hand for cramps. Also, GTA is so much fun when you can’t sleep and are on percoset and can’t do anything but sit in one spot)

But, yeah. I feel like if I could just make something happen, creatively, I would feel better about myself. And a little at a time, start gaining my confidence. I put up a decent front, b/c I make myself be outgoing. But really, I don’t like much about myself, or my life. If I could have a vision of something, and make it happen…oh wow! I mean, I have so many ideas for the TV show. But have no idea where to start with it. I am following Spence’s lead, and writing things down in a notebook I keep with me. Kinda feel like I’ve been doing that for a year though off and on. And yet nothing occurs.

OH- I tried to write on here last night when I was at home. I had been smoking, and so it was actually kinda amusing…really random and deep. But somehow I closed the window and lost my draft. How much does that suck?

Stay tuned folks, b/c I might give that another shot tonight :)
And yes, I am posting this, when I should be working. Needed a breather though. I hate office work. I want to do something more worthwhile, and interesting.

Ramblings

2006-12-12T22:51:00.000-05:00

I am so sick of being lonely. I have my best friends in the house, but they go to bed together every night. I have close friends, but they just can't be there when I need them the most. At night. Those moments when I turn off the tv, and the lights...and walk thru the silent house to my room...climb under the covers, and just pray that I can fall asleep before I start thinking about all that I have lost and all I am missing out on.

I love the dogs, but they can't wrap their arms around me at night. I can't even wrap my arms around them, like I could with the family dog...these guys are too little...I'd smother them. I'm tired. I am tired of being me. Of being broke, of working 13 hour days, and commuting. My room is a disaster, I have no place to put anything. I don't even know what I have.

Everywhere I turn it seems like little cracks in my life are turning into huge fucking fissures. I don't get it. I don't understand. Damn you Saturn. Damn you to hell!!! It's supposed to get easier. I thought life was going to be easier. When I was little I was told I could accomplish anything. I'll I've accomplished is isolating myself from my family, from my friends, from everything important to me. I am so broke I can't breathe.

My ipod was stolen, my car's check engine light is on, my old landlord screwed us out of our security deposit, our new landlord was the impetus for pushing me over the edge of sanity by living with us for weeks.

I need to win the lottery. I need my mafia family members in sicily to remember that they have relatives over here, that are dirt poor b/c they broke away from the family business. I need a miracle. I need something to help me get my head above this water, b/c it is rising so fast and I am having a hard time coming up for air.

I need all that. But all I want is someone I love, and trust just to hold me at night. And be happy to see me in the morning. I miss hugs. I miss closeness. I miss intimacy. That feeling that the two of us are all we need. I just want to feel that I am important to someone. That someone thinks I'm worth giving their heart to. Because really, that would make all the rest of the shit in my life so much more tolerable. If I just had someone who understood me, and saw past all my crap...I would give *anything* for that.

I'm so tired of going to bed alone.

Cute Dog Overload!!!!!

2006-12-11T15:35:00.000-05:00

Lily, Lenny and Toby. Looking Tough. Don’t mess with the little dawgs….

They have me surrounded….They insist on cookies. And they won’t go away until they get some!!

The redhead….he kinda gets around….

See what I mean?

Favorite people pics

2006-07-30T11:53:00.000-04:00

So, this is one of my favorite pics of Jess. I took this outside KramerBooks, after last years Great Big.

And then, I just think that Amy Ray tuning her mandolin is hot. And I have an ongoing problem with not being able to take good pics at concerts....this is one of the few that turned out well. Took it at the 9:30 club, during one of her solo shows.

One more from campsite

2006-07-30T11:52:00.000-04:00

Crabtree Falls. That's the name of the campsite. Really kick ass!!

More favorites...

2006-07-30T11:50:00.000-04:00

These are my favorite California pics. They were taken in La Jolla, which is just north of San Diego. There is a beach full of Sea Lions. They just lie there and make weird noises. They look like gigantic slugs.

Favorite Pics

2006-07-30T11:09:00.000-04:00

These were takenat Chatham manor. A plantation in Fredericksburg VA. My grandma lived here when she was little, whenit was just a private residence. Her father was the gardener, so she had free range of the property. I would love to have grown up here. Soo pretty. Right on a River.

The pic of the little brook was taken outside Charlottesville at a kickass campsite!!

More pride

2006-07-27T01:52:00.000-04:00

Chance and Nephew. Chance is one of the newer drag kings. And is totally adorable.

I liked the that you can see that they were both having the time of their lives right then.

And, I'll get killed for this. But that would be a Beavis in a rainbow wig. Yeah. happy pride!!!

And then, there are those 2 soopahot flaming queer boys. spencer and roland at their first pride together. So....welll....GAY

2006-07-24T23:15:00.000-04:00

So, I just kind of dug this sign...gotta love anything anti GW!

And the large group o'People...those were gay Fairies. An, um interesting bunch to say the least. Very colorful body paint on their very nude bodies. Wow. Yeah.

Then, there is also this old queen. She looked ancient and a little bedraggled. Actually more like a life of hard living. But I found her fascinating

Soooo. Pretty.

2006-07-23T02:55:00.000-04:00

Went to see a play, and found this in the parking lot. It went across the whole sky, and was so clearly defined! I couldn't even fit the whole thing in one shot.

The Right side is easier to see then the left. But they would look neat side by side. I have no idea how to do that though. Oh well.

Mac and CHEEESE

2006-07-23T02:52:00.000-04:00

Ok...made some mac and cheese. While it was still Mac sans Cheese, i noticed the orderly way the noodles were lying in the colander. Kinda nifty...blurry cuz of the steam rising from the noodles.

Do not leave soda in a truck bed in the summer

2006-07-18T11:30:00.000-04:00

Just, um. Don't do it. Because this is what happens. For real. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Eastern State Pics (a couple more)

2006-07-18T11:24:00.000-04:00

Watching paint peel! I love texture. LOVE it. Wanna marry it. It rocks my world. And old things. And window frames.

And this one is in the doctor’s office…across from the psych ward. I was so intrigued by the shadows!

2006-07-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

Food Pics # 1 (From Sat 7/15)

2006-07-16T23:03:00.000-04:00

On my myspace blog, I started journaling my food pics. I think I am going to start putting them up here instead. Easier to do it all in one place.

This here, is a mini strawberry cheesecake from cakelove. Which you have heard of if you watch foodTV...or live anywhere near DC.

The cakes are quite simply, mouthwateringly good. The crust on this cheesecake was so buttery and rich...crunchy, but moist.

mmmmm! Oh, I want another one right now. total munchies for some cheescake. And maybe it's just me, but I think the swirl on top kinda looks like the logo for the Slingers? What do you guys think? It didn't come that smooshed. The bag got a little squished, but it adds to its appeal, in my eyes. Even though its blurry.

This one is a lovely tableau of Chick-fil-a on Astro turf. As modeled by the lovely Dixie Normous. Notice the heavenly glow emanatoing from the waxy cardboard box. The yellow Keen sandal sole was chosen for it's delicate camoflauge of the free standing wafto hiding behind the box.

Lawn ornament # 2

2006-07-16T17:52:00.000-04:00

So, I have found that this is a much harder task than I orginally thought. I thought lawn ornaments were everywhere. But apparently, people in Herndon, VA don't like to clutter their lawns. I must find more. I must go out on a quest for the lawn gnomes, and little wooden dutchgirls watering the lawn. This one is fantastic. I found this in Jess's backyard. I knew it was there though, but Jaxx took them from her yard too...so I think its ok. I love it. I want to kiss it on its stony little nose. But then it will turn into a prince. I don't need a prince...I'm already a King.

2006-07-12T15:10:00.000-04:00

Ok, so sorry the resolution is so crappy, I had to use my zoom, and it was through a car window. I was at lunch, and took a side road back to my house...and saw this. A fountain perched on a huge rock. What the hell? It makes no sense, and seems rather precarious if you ask me!

2006-07-01T17:55:00.000-04:00

2006-07-01T17:52:00.000-04:00