tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11422779.post-1125072165457041592005-08-26T11:45:00.000-04:002005-08-26T12:33:31.636-04:00Irina speaks of being in need of a “strategy” to forgive. Doshar speaks of how her lack of forgiveness of a certain person is like a “dark cloud” for her. She hopes to forgive one day even though it appears so impossible to her right now.<br /><br />Tish G makes an interesting remark:<br /><br />“I always think of forgiveness as process... as something that is ongoing the more we live our own lives and mature. Forgiveness is different at different times.<br /><br />"It would be wonderful to be a Free-Gracer and have it actually work. More often than not, I hear people say they forgive someone--yet are doing so thru grit teeth. They are compelled to forgive by others, and follow the axiom of ‘act as if,’ hoping that if they follow the commands of others they will eventually ‘get it.’"<br /><br />I agree with both her points. I’ve also known people who say they forgive, yet somehow give the impression they don't, at least not completely. At the same time, I think some people do really get there – at least with their own particular “cases.” As to "free-gracers," I’m not sure I’ve ever met anything more than aspiring ones.<br /><br /><strong>A Success Story & Some Elements in the Process</strong><br /><br />Renee’s comment (Poems and Writings), for those who missed it, strikes me as an authentic account of someone who has been through the sort of process Tish mentions and came out of it really forgiving, and in cases where people committed what anyone would recognize as major transgressions against her. The process for Renee seemed to involve moving from a position where she’d come to see this as something she wanted to do, to finally really experiencing forgiveness at the level of her immediate feelings.<br /><br />Elements in the process: Michael points to the passage of time. Certainly processing these things takes much time for most of us, so this is good to bear in mind. Eventually we may find that we can forgive people that we can’t now.<br /><br />Lynne and Keshi point to acceptance and non judgment of the offender, and Emilyjane as having a genuine desire to forgive, as some specific elements that might be involved in this process. I'd add that maybe Tishs' "as if" - acting as if we forgive, although we don't yet - might be a stage along the way toward the real thing for some people.<br /><br /><strong>A Time-Problem: Can Offenses and Forgiveness Occur Simultaneously?</strong><br /><br />Personally, I find time to be a big problem. The fact that everyday I live with added pain and accelerated physical deterioration that has been caused by others makes it hard for me to process things, hard to get them behind me. Also, there’s one person in my life, or who used to be, who could be very helpful in my circumstances but who isn’t. Whatever little contact we have shows that this individual remains unwilling or somehow unable to help when almost any person in his position would find it unthinkable not to help. So for me, I think I would pretty much have to become a “free-gracer” - not sure that I can ever resolve my own matters case by case.<br /><br /><strong>A Real Free-Gracer?<br /></strong><br />The factors are so numerous; our specific situations so different. I wonder if there can be a single strategy.<br /><br />Thich Nhat Hanh is a Buddhist monk. Years ago I read his, <em>The Miracle of Mindfulness,</em> and was impressed with the simplicity and profundity of his writing. If there really are some “free-gracers” around, I think he may be one of them. I found the piece that follows on someone else’s blog - as indicated on the link below. I’ve italicized two lines that I think might possibly give a clue about “free gracing.”<br /><br /><em>Interrelationship</em><br /><br />By <a href="http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/H/HanhThichNha/index.htm" target="_blank">Thich Nhat Hanh</a>(1929 - )<br /><br />You are me, and I am you.<br />Isn't it obvious that we "inter-are"?<br /><em>You cultivate the flower in yourself, </em><br /><em>so that I will be beautiful.</em><br />I transform the garbage in myself,<br />so that you will not have to suffer.<br />I support you; you support me.<br />I am in this world to offer you peace;<br />you are in this world to bring me joy.<br /><br />Quoted from Dance of Love blog <a href="http://www.danceoflove.blogspot.com/">http://www.danceoflove.blogspot.com/</a><br /><br />PS: The "Changes" link has further comments on forgiveness that people have recently added.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/11422779-112507216545704159?l=spiritualdiablog.blogspot.com'/></div>Paulnoreply@blogger.com20