The Awakening of a Princess

25th year Reflections

2009-10-06T18:06:00.003+08:00

Life is fun with friends who truly care. And a healthy distance, makes you appreciate the big picture more.

When you're down and lonely, the only way to look is UP.

Life has a lot to offer, in fact, the possibilities are endless. You just have to be extra careful of your choices because not everything that feels good are deemed right.

Sleep is a precious thing, and in order for you to get one is for you to be at peace. Mornings are sacred.

Prayer is an important part of one's life.

Family, no matter how dysfunctional it is, is still family.

Silence is precious. Bask in it.

***

I celebrated my silver year with 2 Marlboro menthols, a cup of Duriaccino, and my hotel room key in tow some 10,000 kilometers away from home. I savored the flavor of the tobacco from my partly-wet box. I lighted a stick and sang a "Happy Birthday" to myself. After which, I blew the lighted part with a silver tear.

I wanted my 25th year to be perfect. In fact it is. On my 25th year I came to a lifelong realization of what I should do for the next 5, maybe 20, or maybe 50 years. It was a precious moment. There was a deafening silence, but when I lifted my face to see the road, I knew I was home. I realized that I was never alone. He never abandoned me. Even when I was down and distraught, He was with me all the time. All I had to do was call Him.

I made a phone call to someone very dear to me and He greeted me happy birthday. He was in a middle of the road, some 10,000 kms away from where I was.

" I hope you enjoyed your birthday, Nak."

I let out another silver tear.

" I miss you Dad. I really do. I'll see you soon."

" I miss you too Pets. Wag ka ng masyadong mag-isip, andito lang ako."

" Bye Dad, take care."

" You too."

Looking back more than a week later, I let out another silver tear.

There's one man in the whole wide world whom I really love so much, and he's in a better place now. I've known him for 24 years, 363 days and 3 hours. I'm gonna miss him forever.

I met him at the hospital, and the last time I saw him was in a hospital.

A week after my birthday, I know I'm never gonna see him again.

I miss him so much, his faint smile would immediately drive me to tears. He was the only one I got, and he's gone.

In death we find life, we appreciate life. We appreciate each minute spent with that person because when that time comes when we have to say goodbye, we know we did our best.

I love both men the best way I can. The other one gone, the other one still with me. I will savor every Jr. Champ with a tear because I know I'd never look at those Jr. Champs the same way again. I will forever be thankful for all those morning rides to the office, and those after work pick-ups.

I will forever be grateful for my middle and last name with or without the hyphenated one after it.

Cheers to you Daddy Groovy. I miss you Dad, I'll be home later.

Love from A to B

2009-09-21T10:26:00.002+08:00

I wonder what you're doing right now. I'm sure you must be having that 'heart-to-heart' talk with your mother. I hope you are well. I always hope you are.

I miss you terribly.

I'm working here at my station and am simply hoping that I'd get a message from you today. I know the weekend gave you time to do a lot of thinking, and I hope that you already came to terms with what you really want, what you really need, and what would really make you happy.

I just want to let you know that I love you so much.

I dunno what you meant when you sent me a message last night that goes like this... "Never do anything you can't stand for. Remember: Once it's been done, there's no turning back. Life has no rewind, learn to play it right."

Love is a gift that I freely and willingly give you. I give my heart to you without conditions. I could only hope, that somehow, I'm part of the future that you want for yourself. We can only tell how far we could shape our lives, and you know that I've always wanted for you to be happy whatever that means. You've wasted 10 precious years of your life, don't waste 10 more. Think of the things that would really make you happy, and make you content. Work hard to find your happiness.

I've always thought that my happiness would be finding the perfect person. That 'person' who will love me as I am. Now I realized that it's more of the journey I'm after. It's the 'getting there' part that gives life a lot of meaning.

The past months were very fruitful, and memorable indeed. If I can have another lifetime to spare, I know in my heart, I'd still take the same route to find you. There are things that I cannot replay, things that I can't change. The past is something distant, but I know what I can work on is now and the future.

I always told you I don't care about your past. However terrible that might have been, I can only hope that you learned the lessons. What happened before we met are things that are good to know, but not for me to question. There was a reason why that had to happen to you. I love you for who you are now, for what you were before, and what you might be in the future. I just love. Even if sometimes it hurts. Even if sometimes I feel helpless. Because that's what loving is all about... loving unconditionally, even if sometimes I end up dying everyday, risking everything or leaving nothing for myself.

In silence, I find solace. In prayer, I find comfort. And there are enough reasons and signs that I get from Him everyday that tell me to continue.

I love you B, you know that. I love you so much, I can't even explain why...

If one day I'm gone, you know where to find me... I'll be right there, just waiting for you.

Sunkissed Monday

2009-09-21T09:26:00.003+08:00

Today is the first time I came to work without sunscreen. The sun feels good on raw skin. It's a public holiday here in Manila, but since I'll be on vacation starting Thursday and will be back next week, I have to go the 'extra' mile to make this thing happen.

I've been busy working on this presentation last Saturday and I'm determined to finish this today so my boss and I can work on the revisions tomorrow. I hope all my efforts would eventually pay off. That would be really great.

Grace was right when she told me to have a 'life' and worry less. There's more to life than tears on my pillow every night. B and I are okay, but there are still a lot of things that we have to sort out. I'm grateful of his presence in my life, and I could spend a lifetime thanking God for that.

I watched the MMK special last Saturday... it was a story about a young girl who harbored hate against her grandfather. It changed who she became later in life. She even said, "I was busy growing up, I forgot he was growing old." I remembered Daddy Groovy, my paternal grandfather. I would always hope that I'd get to visit him one time, but now that he has Alzheimer's, I think it's really imperative that I should visit him often even if that means traveling by plane then by land for at least 5 hours. I intend to visit him and my grandmother early next year and that's a must-do in my 2010 list.

When we're so busy with our own lives, living in our own worlds we forget who we really wanted to be when we were kids. I remember before, I just wanted to have a normal, a happy life. Then at 30, I'd get married, have kids, take care of my hubby, and just wait until my kids have their own kids. There'd be traveling in between, and spending time with friends, with family, with my folks, my siblings and their families. Five years before my target age, I am still living a life far from what I dreamed of.

Life is just passing right before my eyes. Like the flames of a torch, I miss the last flicker before I should still gape in awe. I should be enjoying the journey, not the details.

I should get back to work.

Silver Birthday Jitters

2009-09-16T10:17:00.003+08:00

A lot of things happened lately. And those things are not FUNNY. If I were to choose between my burn trauma when I was a kid and this feeling, I'd choose the former. Really. Just when you thought that when you get something, it would make you really happy... You realize, no more than 24-hours later that you are still the same miserable bitch in the planet Florinda.

This is the time of the year when I would remember Joie; and a time when I would always feel that my life has reached a terrible rut. Yeah, it's that time of the year when cakes are no longer amusing, and beers lose their magic. It's that time of the year when I just want 5 days to pass just looking at the waters, and wish that every time the wave reaches the shore, one of my wishes would come true.

Every single year, it becomes harder and harder. Sucks, eh?

Crazy Monday

2009-09-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

After spending the entire weekend just sleeping, watching TV, eating then sleeping again, I fell ill and conditioned myself that if I don't get better on Monday morning, I'd take the week off.

Lo and behold, I woke up at 4:00 am only to find out I have not received a promised text message indicating the time he'd be coming in to work, I'm not sleepy, and I have a missed call from a very unfamiliar number at 2:00 am.

I log in my YM, get a ping from a random friend who was just staying right next to B's condo. Then he suggested that I buy beer and guzzle it up at his place. Goodness. Well of course I refused, and insisted that if he wants to meet up, it better be in a public place and that it would be easy for me to grab a taxi just in case I get freaking drunk (which never happened).

I dunno if there's some sort of curse but why do I have this feeling that a lot of these men would want to meet up at that favorite hang-out place? First it was the doctor who was the friend of a friend, now it's the random friend. Goodness. Can I at least have peace in that area for crying out loud?

I started on the wrong foot. The only thing that can make this right is a nice cup of taho.

Love More, Care Less

2009-09-10T11:10:00.005+08:00

“Kung pwede lang sana I have five more days,five more years,five more lifetimes with him. I may have loved him longer but that doesn't mean I love him any less- Bea Alonzo as Lara in the movie 'And I Love You So'

I chuckled when I heard the line. It was far too cheesy for me.

When I heard it the second time around over dinner, I left my food, stormed my room and cried myself to sleep.

Sometimes we love so much, we care so much. Loving more doesn't equate to caring less, and caring sometimes can be so suffocating. It feels like you've built a high tower of Uno Stackos and your world goes crumbling down if the person you love decides to walk away. All it takes is a single piece and that single piece makes all the difference.

But no matter how you look at it, life goes on. Your life goes on. And once you've hit rock bottom, the only way for you to go is UP, there's no other choice simply because there's nothing down. You've hit the limit and the only thing you can do is work your f*ck!n9 way up.

It's hard planning your entire life ahead, and orchestrating something that someone out there is not really interested in participating in. It's that one missing piece that leaves you, your ego, and yes, your freaking self-worth gone with the wind.

It's been a while since I took a break from those cheesy (yeah right) entries, but right now, I just felt like writing this entry just for the heck of it. After all, this is my blog, my life. When I'm too busy chasing my dreams, I hope not to forget the password (Yikes!).

How about you? Did you care more and loved less, or did you love more and cared less?

I'm still chasing my dreams, chasing my happiness. In the end, it's me who can say if I was truly, and eventfully happy.

Cheers to family, a good life and friends...

Of love, friendships, triumphs, pains and sometimes pains in the ass... (LOL) - Ed, I won't tell anyone you told me about that razor... XOXO

17 more days before my silver year! Woot!

What Do I Want to Do Next Year?

2009-09-07T19:22:00.001+08:00

Someone really important to me asked me that question last Saturday. What do I want to do next year? In terms of work, well, I want to be able to accomplish more, to strategize more, and to see my brainchild projects see the light of day. I've thought about a lot of stuff, and apparently, those things have to go on paper (which reminds me that I have to start jotting down those notes... ).

In terms of my personal life, I want to be able to live on my own AGAIN. The last time I had my 'own' place was in 2006. I want to have the flexibility of being able to juggle graduate school (woot), going to the gym, work and my relationship with B for the next two years. The first three would prevent me from dealing with the 4th, but I'm sure, I'll find a way to figure this out simply because I believe, and I have faith, that B will always be supportive of my growth, no matter how big or small it may be. Thinking about getting married/moving in with someone (even B) still scares me. It's like sharing your entire life and you don't have a choice when to say "Let's have a break" when things go awful. It's like me sharing my ashtray, or half of my bed with someone who may end up hovering on me in the morning, or someone who may have the weirdest morning expression in the universe. It's like letting go of another pillow, simply because the one next to me wants to be hugged and cuddled.In many ways than one, I still think like a kid. The sharing of everything I can tolerate, but the sharing of the cabinet, or the bed, is still an 'issue' to me at this point.

In 19 days I'd be a year older, a year wiser (supposedly). Still, I have in me a 7 year old who just want shoes and bags, and fancy stuff like clips and pencils. I cannot imagine myself having mini-Bs or mini-me's running around the office lobby while waiting for me, or even mini-Bs tugging my dress and would want charm his way for me to carry him. Having a family, needless to say, raising a family sounds fun, but it comes with a lot of responsibility. I know B would be a very good father to our kids and I can't help but daydream at times how he'd look like if all three kids (he wants to have 3, how he would carry all is his problem anyway) would want their 'Dad' to carry them.

Maybe I'll have kids in two years as I planned it, maybe sooner (wink) or maybe a little later. Two years would be ideal as I would have finished my masterplan by then and would be ready to take on a wife/mother role for a family I can call my own.

It's really a blessing I could already talk about topics such as these, and I'm as equally blessed to have wonderful people around me.

I haven't really answered the question what do I want, but definitely it would be something better than what I already have at the moment. I pray that everything I worked hard for would eventually fall into place and that in His time, B and I would get our 'happily ever after' ending.

I'm off to bed now. Nighties!

Bagel Bliss

2009-08-29T11:17:00.002+08:00

Living a life without him was fine. In fact, I have been okay my entire life without being aware of his existence. At some point in my life, I know I've seen him, and I am sure that was time when I didn't know what 'better self' means.

It's ironic we shared the same air, literally gone through the same roads every so often, or might have bumped into each other on a lonely Saturday. I was struggling with finding who I really am, and he was struggling with fixing some points of his life.

His name is something I vividly remember during my childhood, after seeing it from my uncle's favorite magazine.

By some stroke of luck (or destiny if you want to call it that), I knew about his existence. It was far too casual, I didn't even care who he was. Then came the unforgettable meeting, the unforgettable date. He was wearing his nice black rolled up long sleeves. I could smell his signature Bulgari scent in the air. We ate at a classy restaurant in Greenbelt, had a lot of chat, a few smokes and some laughs.

The feeling was something alien to me, something interesting. Then there was another date, then another, then another...

At times we'd eat at a posh restaurant, at times we'd eat at our fastfood favorites. Sometimes we'd gush over a P40 meal, or even splurge over a really nice dessert, or Starbucks pastries.

I can't imagine living my life getting intimated by the rough exterior of a bagel. B is pretty much the same~he's rough on the outside, ruggedly handsome and rough on the edges. But when you get to know the inner part of him, you'd discover that like a bagel that's sweet, smooth and delightful, B is the sweetest, most caring, and most loving person I've ever met.

I'm glad I got over my intimidation of the bagel's roughness, the same way I did with B. It was a truly exciting experience getting to the center of the bagel, the same way B truly makes me happy. And that was just what I was looking for~the right crisp, the right grain, the right texture that goes well with the jam, the butter and the cheese. It was not extravagant, it was very basic... and then a surprise sweet explosive taste. Bagel love and B love is bliss.

Curls and Swirls

2009-08-25T15:30:00.002+08:00

Last night while I was watching a copy of 'WANTED', I have been thinking about a lot of things:

I should try to change my routine and do things that 'normal' people do like watch TV, watch movies and read more 'normal' books.

I wouldn't say I am abnormal (hello? heck, yeah, sometimes). I just don't like watching TV, watching movies and having even a pinch of cinnamon near me (which I know like, by the way). That was before.

Change is good. It's like a breathing fresh air, it's exciting, it's new, and most of all, it heightens one's senses.

I've been watching this TV series from a DVD copy from B and I am liking every bit of it. Maybe by the end of the year, I would consider TV a nice piece of stuff that I can put in my room.

I am in the process of thinking whether or not I should enhance my curls or if I should have it rebonded (again, for the nth time). There's really nothing wrong with having curly hair, I just find it hard to manage in the mornings, that is. I should wear less pink (yes, you heard it right) because I am limited to wearing pink lipstick all the time. I think I look good in blue. The next time I buy clothes I was thinking of getting something green (I don't remember wearing a green blouse to work) or something pastel (like a soft yellow or peach). I am starting to like the color apple green, but I don't intend to replace my entire pink stash with apple green ones (hehehehe).

I haven't been eating pork all the time for one straight week (which makes me feel better) and I was surprised not eating rice for the entire day yesterday. Call it dieting, but honestly, I am getting tired of eating the same food over and over again. I am starting to love tomatoes~the crunchy ones they put in salads. I now love bagels and I can't imagine living the rest of my life without eating a bagel at least once a week. I don't drink too much coffee. It's still my problem since it keeps me perky all day.

I want to start walking around the area where I live because I haven't walked around my neighborhood for the past 10 years (such a hermit, I know). I even know Makati better! I should also try getting a new sport since it's impossible for me to find a good tennis buddy and a tennis court within my area.

I changed my body wash (from the antibacterial one to the moisturizing brand) and literally filled my bathroom with products made from tea tree oil. Weee! I also don't drink a lot of soda like I used to. I literally lived on Coke when I was in college and iced tea when I was working last year! Now I have Gatorade, C2 and Fit & Right. Weeee!

I love B. Bow. :P

Cheers!

2009-08-24T20:41:00.001+08:00

How would you feel if you've cried a bucket only to find out that you were not supposed to because it was not a big deal at all?

That was what happened to me last Sunday. For no apparent reason, I cried a bucket of tears over 3 sheets of paper, 2 of which are absolutely sickening. I was having doubts about the content, and tonight I verified that the assumption I have in my head was true.

How I wish couples would be able to talk about stuff that concerns one of the other, and that they can do so in a civilized and calm manner. I have been very proud of my man, and how we handle issues that are relevant to our relationship. Ours was never perfect. It was flawed right from the start. But with honesty and trust, we were able to go through our hurdles together.

The storm is over.

Here's to the storms, the typhoons, the hurdles, the challenges and the peaceful dwelling.

I will be forever thankful of your love and your friendship. And as we enter our half-year mark, I will always remember that once on the 26th of February, I was home, and that I found home.

Thank you for the sweet melody B.

The Week before the Significant Sixth

2009-08-21T12:19:00.001+08:00

I ended the workweek with a big smile on my face. Teehee!

For the past couple of weeks, I have been going through a lot of changes. I now watch what I eat, and I have lighter meals.

Some things for the past weeks that are worth taking note of:

1. I have been hooked to the Starbucks multi-grain bagel and I have been eating if for breakfast at least four times a week.

2. Cinnamon is the least of my favorites. But after putting cinnamon in my latte, and tasting cinnamon swirls, I think I am liking it bit by bit. :P

3. I drink more water and my beverage preference is not just limited to sodas. I can live with drinking just Coke for one whole day. That was me then. XOXO

4. Chie brought Durian pie. Even if the entire room complained about how awful it smelled, I loved it so much. It's heavenly. Tastes well with brewed coffee. :)

5. I want to keep my food as simple and as uncomplicated as much as possible, and I'm glad B brings out my desire for something new every time.

6. Work is work as usual but something not as toxic as the previous one I got.

Things to do and try to do more often:

1. Watch TV. :)

2. Watch at least one movie every month.

3. Go on a nice one-day date with B at least once a month.

4. Finish the Tru Blood series. LOL.

5. Get a hair trim and a massage at least once a month.

***

I got a nice surprise from B yesterday and it's so lovely! I can't wait for Friday this week. :P

Thursday Tidings

2009-08-13T07:45:00.003+08:00

So here I am sitting in the office at 7:30 in the morning, even if I slept at quarter to two. I cried a bucket of tears with a gazillion of sniffs, and honestly, I feel a lot better.

On my way to work, I thought about the 'witches' in my life and how they never fail to irritate me with their plastic smiles and smug expressions. I use the term to describe perpetually sickening people that you'd lose the will to push your cause simply because you're dealing with no less than a bowl of soup. I can sniff through plastic. The scent is far worse than sniffing vomit from a bathroom in a jam-packed bar. Oh puh-lease. Have you thought of your 'witches' lately? :P

One piece of advice that I learned was, "The more you see, the less you know and the more confused you would really get". So at some point in my life, I stopped caring, stopped snooping and stopped thinking about things that do not deserve a single minute of my existence. Things like who's dating who, who's having lunch with who, who's hitting on who. I have more to think about than something where I don't have a say on; or someone I don't have a f*&@ing business with. I'd rather spend my lovely 5 minutes getting inspiration for my room decoration, or on event briefing layouts. Jeez.

If you thought of something and you keep it to yourself, that is an OPINION. If you thought of something and you tell that to people so they can add fuel to your 'fire', that is BS. Ask me what BS is, and I'd answer you with a straight face --- bull shit. Some people just can't keep their opinions/intrigues to themselves, eh?

I think adults should do that. I think adults should live a life free from minding other people's f*&@ing business. It's sickening, it's so grade school. It's so irritating that you'd want to poke people who were stuck in grade school time warp with a black JUMBO pencil. But then again, being the adult that you are, you think beyond the poking of the black pencil to something more productive like going home early and not working too much.

The only time you can really snoop on what other people are doing with their time is if you have done your friggin' task yourself. If you had all the time in the world to know what's going on with other people's businesses, then probably you are not doing yours. LOL.

What I do to deliver is my business. Whether I delivered or not, that is your business. Otherwise, my vulva and all the other parts of my less than perfect bod is my boy's business. Nyahahaha!

(Lupit mo 'toy!)

Have a great day everyone!

Chasing Dreams

2009-08-12T19:40:00.002+08:00

When I was younger, I'd dream of marrying someone like my dad---someone who looks good, smells nice, takes care of me, and someone who would hug me when I'm too scared to turn off the lights at night.

Now that I'm part of the adult world, sometimes I wish I'd go back to the times when life wasn't so complicated---when I would normally go to either Mom and Dad for help. After a few talks, I'm happy even if the only thing that I get is an octagon two-peso coin.

After relationships gone awry, I stopped dreaming of meeting the prince. 'That all men are frogs', used to be my motto. I planned for my solo retirement, I even planned when would I be buying my own retirement house---somewhere near the beach. When I'm gone, I'd donate half of my property to my siblings, and the rest I will give to charity.

Things changed. And so did I. Occassionally I'd have a dream or two, but that doesn't include getting married before I'm 30, or having kids before I'm 35. What I wanted was a solitary life, or what I thought of would be the 'safest option' for me. It was not even a choice, it was something I would settle for.

When my last ex and I called it quits, I never imagined myself to fall in love really hard. Back then, he was the greatest love of my life and he was the guy I'd love to share the rest of my life with. That was before I decided to pack my bags, leave, and start a new life---without him, without my friends, and without anything.

I thought that was a bold move, especially that I am leaving everything dear to me: the best job since I got out of college, the nice group I had at work, the nice perks I get every payday, and the best state of being. The only thing I hated that time were my breakouts, but other than that, I was living a content life. Someone made me rethink everything that I valued: my job, my dreams, my friends. That someone challenged me to go out of my comfort zone and live my full potential.

Soon after, at my then new job, I had to be tough. I felt like my senses were being hardened, and that you're good as the last report on the table, or the last metric you turned in. I was never the crowd favorite, I was a true-blooded Machiavellian who didn't care about the means; I only cared about the end.

I had a handful of friends, those who stuck with me when all there's left is sanity and my mineral make-up, but then I welcomed and embraced change and just went on like what I originally planned.

The path I'm at right now is not that easy. It was harder because I challenge and question myself every single day. Is this something that would make me happy? Is this something that I'd be proud even if some Lady Gaga would tell me she's do some perky song for a living? I'm learning a lot everyday, and I feel the love that surrounds me. Party poopers be damned.

As long as I'm okay with the people I care about, party poopers, can, well, go to *toot*. There are a handful of people who know me inside out, and there are some I call really good friends. But in the real world, there are as much witches as there are to bitches.

I'm a happy soul.

I have a lot of dreams, and I am still chasing them.

Someday, I'd get to tell the world how happy it is to be loved by you B.

I think the whole world knows, they're just not aware they do.

I'd be chasing dreams tomorrow.

But for now, I'd chase some sleep. Nyties!

It's a Yummy Life

2009-08-01T20:03:00.001+08:00

The past one and a half months was indeed a busy one, but of course, that wouldn't prevent me from enjoying all the good food in and out of the metro. Yum!

The Kitchen - Greenbelt 3

The first time I tried this resto, I was with B. Then we started bringing friends along to this really nice place. All the food that we've tried so far were really yummy and reasonably priced. Their mint iced tea was tops! :)

Achl's Indulgence - Spanish Sardines in olive oil

Under the Sun - Chili Cream Seafood Pasta

On Barbie's Cue - meat and seafood kebab with pandan rice

Sheepish Grin (Top) - Lamb chops with veggie sidings and sweet gravy

Sirloin Swirloin (Bottom) - Pork sirloin with veggie sidings and sweet&sour gravy

Salmon Says - Salmon belly with fried (?) leaves

Grand Slam - layers of Otap, cream and chocolate ganache in full chocolate flavor

Green Tea Cheesecake

Tsokonut Batirol - Dela Rosa

It's a nice place to get your food fix and yet enjoy a relaxed environment. Perfect for get togethers with friends/colleagues.

Rellenong Bangus

Creamy Malunggay Pesto

Mangoes and Choco Cream

Pia y Damaso - Greenbelt 5

This restaurant boasts of its Filipino cuisine with a twist. The concept was taken from the novels of the National Hero Dr. Jose Rizal with two of its stunning characters~ Pia (mother of Maria Clara) and Padre Damaso. If you're looking at taking someone for a date, this is one of the places to try. The furniture compliments the richness of the food that they serve. Their dessert, Sisa's Dementia, is to die for.

Spinach Rice

Chicken Pastel

Sisa's Dementia

Pancake House - Dela Rosa

Aside from pancakes, the Pancake House is also known for its good food~pasta and house treats. Here's a snapshot of the dish that I got.

Pork Vienna

Quicky's - Food park

Chicken Fingers

Cafe Breton - Greenbelt

Breton Mozzarella Burger

Max's

Chicken Barbecue and Java Rice

Food is LOVE.

Busy as a Bee

2009-08-01T16:45:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging in such a long time now (that means I am uber busy with work and other stuff), and my new toy is to blame. I bought a pink (weee) clamshell phone so I'm busy tinkering with it during my free time. Apart from that, I've been trying out food from different restos with my close friends. I've been successful in not ordering two cups of rice (diet) and being able to resist the urge to eat pork (I prefer fish over pork now). I also try to do triceps extensions, bicep curls and a little cardio as well.

The past month was stressful yet fulfilling~I learned a lot of new things and discovered my 'hidden' talents (they're not hidden anymore now that I know them already LOL). Thanks to my engineering diagram skill (whoever my teacher was for this subject, thank you), I am able to make simple diagrams related to my work now. Working on a new project heightened my senses, especially that the topic being discussed is something far from what I've done in the past.

I won't spill the details but I'm just glad B and I are able to learn the ropes of managing our work and yet, despite our hectic schedules, we still find time to talk and see each other. Communication is the key in any relationship. I'm just glad each day ends and no one ends up 'outside the kulambo'. (FYI: We live in separate houses.)

I am learning a lot of things about myself and the people around me. I'd say my life has been surprisingly exciting lately! I hope things are gonna get even better soon! Cheers!

Pinky...

2009-07-27T18:31:00.000+08:00

Well, I just got a new phone - a trusty Z750i... in PINK!

I remember this morning's 'cellphone' mental picture, but I'd rather keep it to myself. :)

The Long Haul Part 2

2009-07-01T20:19:00.001+08:00

I've been equally blessed to have very few but trustworthy and loyal friends in PF. I'm happy and contented (well except for some) with the way things have been working, and for the past week, I haven't had much of a headache except when the air from the airconditioning is kinda hot, and when I get slight migraines from creating colorful presentations. The colors on a Mac screen are so vivid, it makes me blink more often.

I had fun drinking with a rather 'interesting' mix since most of them have not really gone drinking with the other members of the group - Grace, Liz, Myron, Dom, Brian, Jov and Francis G. It was a fun-filled night after a couple of rounds of Gilbey's Premium and Red Horse. I went home slightly buzzed (I have never been super drunk, wait till you see it) but still 'composed' nonetheless. At least I did not end up talking about stuff that I'm not supposed to spill. Weeee! I think I should go out more often...

Since it's already past the second quarter of the year and in three month's time I'd be 25 (I cannot believe I am already 25 when I have the mind of a 17-year old at times), I'd like to reminisce some thoughts that have been bugging me for the past 2 weeks or so.

1. I remember wanting to have a kid by the time I'm 28, and I'm afraid it might happen... sooner. :)

2. There was a time I thought I'd die to see my then bf get married. The only thing I missed out was, I'd die LAUGHING when he actually did.

3. I placed an age limit on dating men. Three years ago, I refuse to go out with someone who's more than 10 years my senior. Now, I don't really mind as long as he's hot as Tom Cruise is to Katie Holmes.

4. I was NEVER the SILENT type in my previous relationships. Either I'm silent because I'm sleepy, or I'm silent because I'm drunk. My boyfriend now would agree if I say I'm less talkative when it's only the two of us talking.

5. I grew up to believe that princesses meet their prince when they strive to be Ms. Priss~doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't curse. When I started working on developing my giggly and 'normal' self, I met someone whom I call 'the greatest love of my 24-year existence'. I wouldn't say our relationship is fuss free like legs treated with Laserlight (the procedure you undergo to make you hairless forever), but it's definitely a fresh Brazilian wax~no nicks, no stubbles, no chicken skin...It is not the most perfect relationship, but it is definitely something I'd be willing to work on for the rest of my life.

6. Have faith in people, especially with the ones you love. Don't expect a perfect situation but have faith that they will never fail to amaze and amuse you at the same time~not because they have to, but because they love you.. I just didn't expect what B did today, and I am happy I never coerced him into doing such. It just came naturally, and we're both happy with people's reaction.

7. Have faith in your friends, even if they tell you to go the other way. True friends won't judge you for what you do. They will always be your friend who will listen to whatever crap you tell them, but they also have the grit to snap the hell out of you when you need it the most.

8. Respect and trust are not earned by just donning a long-sleeved suit. People trust you because they know you are someone worthy of it. Don't push people to give you their trust, they'll just clam up and resent you for being such a sneaky 'patata'.

9. Realize that there are some people who will never be your friend no matter how hard you try. They would only be a mere acquaintance who will grace your FB, friendster, or yeah, office and party pics. Just another face who will eventually vanish once you have your beer belly when you're 50.

10. You can love as many men as you like/want/need. But remember that there can only be one who will touch your life, not just your face, your body or your heart. That person would always be one step ahead of the others. When you meet that person, hold on, have faith and pray...because there is a great picture that you have to paint, lessons to learn... and maybe, just maybe... an entire lifetime to share.

***

I was thinking of writing a story entitled, 'How Can Karma be so Digital?'.

I should start writing soon and have FAITH that if my shit gets published, people will appreciate my no-BS humor that hopefully can send more people rolling in the streets after having a round or two.

Or maybe, I could start writing my MMK story...

Or how B and I met...(cheesy!)

Or how evil my evil twin sis is (kidding... peace evil twin sis!)

Or how I enjoy, in my own little way, the conversations I have with friends over lunch or merienda

There are just a lot of stuff running in my head right now, I wonder if they ever get tired. :P

***

I better catch up on Zzzzzssss... I might be a couch patata tomorrow. :P

The B-randy Night

2009-06-22T18:09:00.001+08:00

What should a girl go on a Monday night?

Working from home sure has its benefits but for a workaholic like me, I think it backfired. I am so attached to the computer I can barely prevent myself from not looking at those lovely trackers. Numbers to me are like notes to a song - you can never be wrong with them when drafting your analysis. Numbers provide educated strategies and numbers can also provide depth to a seemingly 'useless' work. My brain switch continues to bank on ideas while my poor body is not yet done with at least 10% of what the brain wants to accomplish.

With Lady Gaga's album, a Logitech headset (which has a nice bass by the way) and the privacy of my own home, I can, oh well, sing my heart out! Poker Face, Love Game, Just Dance and Starstruck are the only songs in my WFH playlist! :) Weee!

Now that I'm officially done with work, I decided to taste some of Dad's Fundador. It tastes good with a little lemon. I am looking forward to partying this Friday (please???) like partying, dancing, clubbing~the works! I may not be the best dancer but I sure want to unwind to the tune of the blasting club music in the background...

I miss Joie (my clubbing mate), I miss clubbing. I miss partying in Greenbelt and Malate and just dancing with a random stranger. And it's just been 4 months that I've been trying really hard to be a 'good' girlfriend. I'm a far cry from my college self, and at times I miss it. It was the best 4 years of my life and I MISS IT! It was a time when I wasn't thinking of bills to pay, work to do and building a 'career'. That time it was all about enjoying life, eating, drinking and smoking cigarettes under the CMC skywalk, the Sunken Garden... and every building imaginable. It was about having Migs pay for my ChocKiss dinner and all about pissing him off by tapping the ash in his newly vacuumed car interiors. It was all about searching every dark parking imaginable for the 'top make out spot'. Mwahahahaha! It was all about building dreams that someday I'd be a mom to fraternal twins and I'd prepare my hubby's dinner every single night.

Three years shortly after graduation, I'm getting a shot of brandy on the eve of my last WFH day. No fraternal twins, no hubby. Not even a 'decent' bf. But I think at this point, I already fell for what I deemed as the greatest love of my 24-year existence. The others, well, they already married the greatest love of their -year existence. Don't get me wrong I love B to shreds, but sometimes, I just miss enjoying my youth and going out openly with a non-chalant may-not-care guy who's not so keen about PDA---no not the make-out PDA (you perv!) but the HHWWPSSP (holding hands while walking pa sway sway pa) type. B and I can go out, yes.. but PDA for him is a totally different story. (And that's a separate blog entry altogether..)

With everyone, and I mean everyone in my college friends list getting married/got married/is getting married because they got pregnant/is getting married because they found their (frog) prince...I FEEL SO PREYSHURED. And I say this with a Janina San Miguel conviction. I DON'T FEEL EYNI PREYSHURE. AT ALL. Yeah right.

After 4 scotch glasses of this Fundador thing and not a 'tama' to boot, I am hoping that things will turn out for the best. After all, the past two weeks was a deja vu of a long weekend dream I had last April.

***

How long has it been? I feel that it has been ages. Yes, I guess it has been ages. Thinking alone and thinking about your problems make you feel old. And thinking about what you want to do with your life make you feel so juvenile. As much as I'd like to map my 3-year plan, it still doesn't include fraternal twins or a doting husband...

I am still hoping someone would eventually clean his shit so that he can cook breakfast for the princess every single day of his life. And she'd be more than happy to oblige to cook him dinner for the rest of her life~even if that means she won't go clubbing anymore, or kissing random strangers, or even sitting in some cute guy's lap. for. the. rest. of. her. life. She'd only bask in his glory, his muscular and pasty thighs. After all, he's the greatest love of her 24-year existence.

***

That tops the 5th glass. Time to snooze.

The Long Haul

2009-06-13T12:11:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging for quite some time now. I have been very busy with work, new found friends, with B (weee) and with small stuff that make me happy.

Things at work have proved to be very promising and very challenging. I'm happy to be in a small but well-managed team, kudos to my boss and his very good people skills. I am not saying this to get merit, but John really is a great boss. (FYI. He doesn't read nor know my multiply so I don't get credit for giving such praise. I am not a kiss-ass.) He's very generous with compliments and I like his work ethics. Leonard has been a very good workmate and confidante at the same time, so in general, work is really good (the pressure, the deadlines and the truckload of work is not an issue.) Go Marketing!

B has been very busy with his work as well but I am hoping that we'd have more quality time with each other once all the hula-baloos are over. We manage to have short dates once in a while, but I am craving for the long 8-hour dates that we used to have. He always keeps me in the loop and for now, that's the only 'pressure' I can contain. I love to be busy with a little over 10 minutes left post-shower before I doze off to dream land. I hope to have couple massages in a few weeks...

I am excited about a lot of stuff, which includes my Guimaras trip. Kat, Grace, Marga, Allan and I (Jherome, kindly inform us if you've finalized your flight) are going to Guimaras on my birthday. Weee! :) You can bring your lovelives during the trip but I'm not bringing mine. :P Bawal ang cheesy! :P Bawal magdala ng hindi gusto ng mga kasama sa trip. Erm. Ihuhulog ko yun sa plane ride pa lang... Joke! (Jokes are half-meant.)

Another thing would be the launch of the Sony Satio (which I hope won't reach 40k), the counterpart of the iPhone. Either way, I know I am getting a new phone to replace my Nokia (the Sun signal work best with my SE phone, thus the switch). I am itching to go back to school and get certificate courses probably in culinary because I love eating. I have been constantly dropping weight (a good 2 lbs a week since the 16lb drop) for two reasons - I only eat two meals a day and I don't eat after 6pm. At times I cheat with the 6pm, but for most of the time, I only eat twice a day. I don't eat as much pork as well, which makes the weight loss even more promising.

I'm excited for Christmas: the Christmas vacay, bonus, gifts, parties and family get-togethers. Other than that, December is a normal work month.

I've been very blessed to have few but genuine and sane friends (who can keep up with my insanity) and as equally blessed to have a few people around who have the capacity to make my blood surge on a periodic basis. That way, I am keeping my patience and anger management level in check regularly.

I am so lazy to blog about what happened during the month and a half saga. All I know is that I know who my friends are, I know who are those people who pretend to be friends with me, and most importantly, I know who the sneakies are. So if you're guilty... well, you shouldn't be reading this blog. Hahahaha!

Mental Breaks

2009-05-12T13:59:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's hard to be tough.You get pushed too hard and you feel that you are being shoved against the wall. It's frustrating that just when you badly need help, help is nowhere to be found (Lord, please give me a miracle!) And everyone around you still thinks you're alright...

I guess this is the second most terrible week of my entire life~ the 'ex' got married over the weekend (which made me realize that I am turning 25 this year), I am running a fever with expensive medicines (which would be reimbursed this Friday, hopefully), I have to get my dress for this weekend's wedding altered (I'm happy I'm one size smaller, but it was a stupid idea for me to stick to the sizing, nonetheless) and I'm running out of moolah. Enrollment time... (It's not just the tuition, it's the supplies, the uniform, heck.)

And then you get this "kulang pa" line. Punyeta. Kulang pa pala. I am sacrificing not just my 'gimik' money, but the money which should have been alloted for MY Master's Degree. I am sacrificing my budget for clothes, shoes and make-up. In fact, I've been sacrificing my 'social life' for one heck of almost a year just to send the sibling to school which, by the way, is NOT and will NEVER be, my responsibility. I didn't get married because I don't want to be responsible for another person, but this situation left me with NO CHOICE. And then you tell me, kulang pa.

Whenever I have to make ends meet way back in college, instead of complaining, I had to take a part-time job. That was fun, but it took a lot of discipline on my part. In fact, since I started working, I never went on an out of town trip just to lounge and burn moolah. Tell me why, why, why, does this have to happen to me when I could have just spent all those money on booze, clothes and gadgets?

I feel B's sentiment when he wakes up in the morning and he has to prepare his own breakfast when someone could have done it for him. I feel the same way when I go home to find out that 'everyone thought I had dinner outside'. Geez.

Sometimes it just blows up in your face like a bubblegum. Or it hits your toe like an ingrown toenail. You know it's there but it's just fucking painful to go through the process alone, needless to say, the repercussions after the 'ordeal'. (How did I come up with an ingrown as an analogy...tsk, tsk)

Sighs.

On a lighter note, B gave my mom some pastries last Sunday because I was Mother's Day. Sweet! Hugs* Hugs* And he even made beso. (Kamusta, meet the parents ito neh!) My mom thought he was sweet (He really is, in fact, he greeted me Happy Mother's Day too, I almost strangled him! Scary shit. Not yet. Not now. Teehee.)

And here's one of the best things:

A free chocolate glazed donut and small coffee from Krispy Kreme valid until the 30th of the month. Food again (while I try to lose weight).

I miss B. I miss our dates. I miss our long conversations. I have faith, that it won't be long until I see him every single day of my life.

Sounds corny but lately I call him BB Q - text lingo for BeBe Ko. I know it's corny, you can strangle me for the corniness... Hahahahah...

For now, I'd enjoy a warm bowl of sinigang and go to sleep before 8:00 PM ~ A first during the past 3 years. Ciao.

A Long Week

2009-05-02T18:00:00.001+08:00

Since it's my first week after a two-week rest, here are some snapshots of the week that was.

Tuesday, I had lunch with an officemate at Java Man. I had crispy sardines. Teehee!

Crispy Sardines Pasta at Java Man

That same day, I got an Ice Monster treat too...

And of course... the week won't end without me seeing B. Here's a snapshot of the food during our date...

Chai Latte from CBTL

Nachos from Don Henrico's

Italian Sausage Calzone

***

I got this question from a lot of people asking how B looks like. Believe me guys, he's a man. The reason why we don't post our photos together is because... we prefer to keep our relationship private. I know that he's not posting pictures of me as well, so to be fair to him, I chose not to post his pictures.

I hope that in time, we'd be able to show everyone our pictures... but for now... let's keep the blogging simple.

Just to give you the right information:

1. B and V are not one and the same. I don't have a B and V problem. B is the first letter of Baby, my pet name for B.

2. B is not a guy from the office.

3. B is not my bestfriend Tom.

4. B is not a girl, a disfigured guy or an 'ugly duckling'.

5. B is a real man, not an imaginary friend.

B and I love each other. I guess for now, that's what's important.

Thank you for your interest everyone! :)

***

Sometimes, when you and your guy are so tired from your jobs, you don't want to talk about all the issues with your lives anymore. All you want to do have coffee and relax~ exactly what B and I tried to do last Thursday. Although we saw each other earlier during the week *wink *wink, we just figured out that we should have one 'day off' during the entire week.

As always, it was a lovely evening, and I'm glad things are resolved because we always choose to talk about it. Having this relationship requires a great level of maturity on my part (I used to be the dominatrix...) but I learned how to give us individual spaces. It's amazing that we don't text or call each other as much during the day, but our conversations have variety because we can talk about our 'issues', 'reflections' and most importantly, 'sweet nothings' about anything and everything under the sun.

I guess when people are deeply in love, sometimes they don't need words to put the message across. Sometimes silence breaks all the barriers. Sometimes silence gives the other person the much needed pat on the back assuring that things are going to be alright.

Prayer is also another fundamental part of the relationship. I'm glad my relationship with B brings me closer to God more and more each day. I've begun to be more giving~with myself, family, co-workers (I think...) and friends. I value each opportunity more than how I did before.

The two week break was a breather, but what really helped me and my relationship with B was the time spent apart. It made us miss the other person more, and made us appreciate what's there and not look for what's missing.

One thing I learned this week was not to be stubborn to get the bigger size especially if B said so. Hahahaha. :P

This reminds me that I have to wake B up in time for his OT job tonight.

Kisses everyone!

Being Missed.

2009-04-20T20:29:00.000+08:00

It feels good being missed---you have that feeling of being important in that person's life. It feels good being missed by the person you love, but it feels a lot better when a lot of people tell you they miss your presence and how you would make them laugh.

A co-worker told me some people miss me. (Yeah I know, my loud voice, my loud laugh, my weird and funny comments...)

I miss ME too. I miss the carefree Florence, the passionate Florence who spends like close to 200 bucks every week to give chocolates to everyone in her class, and how she'd have the 'juicy question' game so that everyone would spill out their secrets. :P

I recall that I was the victim of my own game a couple of times...

There was this really pesky trainee who was 'forced' to tell the whole class who his crush because I purposely picked his name from the 'trainee list'. I know it was a wrong thing to do (geesh, it's cheating) but... he is the only one in class who is not able to answer a juicy question. So since I was the trainer and for the purpose of fairness, I had him answer the 'juicy' question which read:

Who is your crush in class? Describe him/her and give him/her a short message.

Florence: So, L _ _ _ _, can you describe your crush and give her a short message?

L: Sure. She's nice, she's smart and she's cute. I like the way she dresses especially when she wore that short skirt last Tuesday. (Everyone was giggling since I'm the only female in the room who wore a skirt to class!) Florence, you're my crush and even if you fail me in ACE training, after 6 months, I'd apply again and sit in your class. Would you go out with the whole class later?

Geesh. I thought someone asked me to marry him! My face was all red and all I said was...

"I'd go out with the entire class later if everyone passes"

Then I sent them on a break.

I miss ME. I miss going on with my trainees after class on Friday. I miss smiling at my trainees who would always volunteer to bring the headsets to the Facilities room even if I always decline their offer. I miss wearing heels and running around the site looking for an IT guy to have my ACE and GEM issues fixed. I miss the joy I get when everyone in the class passes and everyone is off for a non EOP drinking session. I find it hilarious whenever I remember my trainees trying to converse with me in English even outside the office premises and how their grammar would transform into Tarzan-English whenever they'd have more than two bottles of SMB.

I miss the look on their faces when they'd hear me order Red Horse and then the boys would be more than happy to open the bottle for me and hand me over another pack of Menthols.

That was my life almost a year ago. I miss it, it hurts at times when I would see my old trainees and they would remind me of how our classes went even if I don't even remember their names. I would miss them when they'd remind me who my 'love team' was in that particular class (I'd get a new love team every week, believe me. Some weird ones, the others... well, they were flirty as hell that I'd give them a hard time in class most of the time.)

But that was 'a long time ago'. I have a new chapter, a PF chapter.

I'd have to say a week is long enough to miss PF folks, so 2 weeks makes it all the more. I can't wait to drink on payday; I miss that. Teehee.

I have to get my mind off B for the meantime. I want to be able to miss him at the end of the day. Right now I know he's dog tired.. 'cause he's been running on my mind the entire day! (I know, I know, it's a corny joke) Besides, he's working, I'm working, we're both working.

I miss my PINK folder and my PINK box. I'm gonna get it back.

Love, Love.

2009-04-19T17:18:00.000+08:00

As what Yen mentioned... Almi's mantra was to "risk all and regret nothing". I guess that's going to be my mantra for as long as this heart beats...

I'm turning 25 this year (Yay)... ang finish line! (?)

***
I love my pink steno notebook and my Leone 'el cheapo' ballpen that writes so well, it's a good buy for Php 13.00! The ink is uber black, you'll love how it glides well on your white paper.

***

B, you know I love you. I'll love you wherever this heart would take me...Thanks for making life more meaningful and for loving me unconditionally even if I am a demanding and total bitch. (Hahaha)

Practice what you Preach

2009-04-19T13:28:00.000+08:00

It's ironic how people would go to church and claim they already forget, but talk about it everyday.

It's ironic how people serve in the church and hurt other people and their own family every single day.

I'm so tired of this prideful and freaking shit.

I wonder why peace comes so expensive these days.

Helpless, Hopeless Romantic's Realizations

2009-04-18T12:18:00.001+08:00

If you're not in for mushy and no-BS stuff, kindly read someone else's blog.

It feels great to be part of a couple---now you have a perennial date, a good confidante, an ally and a guy to brag about to your friends (admit it, beetch!). You also have a set 'schedule' once or twice a week and you have an 'guinea pig' when it comes to trying weird food. You have someone to kiss you goodnight and someone who'll comfort you and tell you that things are going to be alright.

But when the 'couple' tower is tested by the lack of time or the 'sudden change' in routine, you begin to realize that the only 'couple' who are 'together forever' is just you and yourself. Sometimes it's hard not to be jealous especially that you know he's been with lot of women. But as they say, you can never claim someone to be yours by tying him on his neck. Even if he strays, when he comes back to you then he's truly yours. So what am I supposed to do while he's figuring his 'shit' with the 'straying' part?

Option 1: Stray with his best friend and pretend that you guys were drunk and it was just 'that'. Option 2: Fill a bucket with your tears while you listen to James Blunt's "Goodbye my Lover" Option 3: Plot a 'busy' mode and work on something more 'productive' than wait for his call or text message Option 4: Write an entry about how you feel, take a bath in the tub while listening to Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" Option 5: Refer to "He's Just Not That Into You" manual and read this month's topic on Cosmo about how to be the "girlfriend". Option 6: All of the above (?)

Sometimes people will say it feels good to go out on dates... Yes, I definitely agree with that. However, sometimes when you love someone so much and you don't know when everything will just end and how unstable your relationship is at the moment... you begin to be 'thankful' for every single moment that you spend with him and you'd move heaven and earth for both of you to spend quality time together.

You might say I'm stupid for not trying to work on a more stable relationship and that I have to move on and look for someone who's worth... but how would one really define 'the one who's worth'?

Is he the knight in shining armor who knocks you off your feet everytime you guys are together?

Is he the friend that you turn to when everyone in the world says "Boo"?

Or is he that ordinary person, with not even close to perfect situation, looks and personality who's just as real and who's willing to give it a shot?

"In a relationship" is tantamount to "It's complicated". Beyond the lovely dinners, and the shameless drama, you just know that deep in your heart, if it would end, it would always be a memorable and a bittersweet part of who you are now. And if it's meant to be yours forever, you will forever be grateful for the greatest love etched in your mind, heart and soul.

It feels good to be in love --- and equally as 'hard' as you have to work to keep the love alive.

But that's love, that's life. For now, I'd be following Option 4.