The Strait of Messia

Yes, I'm making a pie. Three, in fact.

2008-07-03T22:57:00.001-06:00

Hope everyone has a splendiferous Fourth!

When I get back to the city, everything's cluttered and pretty...

2008-07-02T15:43:00.005-06:00

Jay is officially off 24-hour care. Big cheers to everyone that helped with Jay (esp. those that pitched in over the last couple of months to give people breathers), double big cheers to everyone that supported and put up with us helper-monkeys over the last year (esp. when we were all but vanishéd from the outside world)(yes, I made that a Shakespearian 'vanishéd') . . . and, most importantly, monstrously big cheers to Jay, for getting through "the ugliness" with little more than some memory loss, some tough-looking facial scars, and a bit fatass plate in his head (and a little side "cheers" to no more anti-seizure injections in Jay's stomach....ick). A couple of us celebrated with mini-golf (a peculiar choice, but, hey...).

...

*Whew.* That was a really weird year.

Bliss and the Fashion Advice

2008-07-01T23:43:00.003-06:00

We had an associate function last week. Some of the younger associates freaked out about whether or not there would be dress code for the fuction. Mind you, it was a BBQ. For associates. Partner-free. With alcohol.

My response:

Associate event, so as long as you show up with pants on, you’re golden. :)

More specifically, casual is fine – jeans/shorts/golf-y clothes are fine. That White Lion t-shirt is probably too casual. I’m not expecting people to show up in their work attire or anything…. So somewhere between date clothes and weekend clothes.** :)

[** Fashion hierarchy:

1) Suit.
2) Church clothes.
3) Date clothes.
4) Weekend clothes.
5) Yardwork clothes.]

And now I’ve typed “clothes” so many times it looks weird.

People still showed up overdressed. Serves me right for trying to wander into the "Realm of Jill" (my fashion guru).

The Sixth Absurdity: Billing.

2008-06-30T23:45:00.002-06:00

Ask a civil attorney what they despise most about the practice of the law, and the answer is - almost universally - "billing."

My problem is that my days are usually such hectic disasters that I don't get to my billing until the evening (I do paper billing - I'm too ADD to use the billing software). I've done that from Day 1 with the Firm.

However, from this point forward, I'm kicking billing out of my evenings - I'm only going to do it during the day, while I'm at work.

This is part of my bigger (and slightly more vague) goal of being more of a dick about my free time, which I haven't been real good about jealously guarding since I got into the law. I'm looking to spend more time with the people who I need to and should be hanging out with (to wit, the fam, Sidekick, Sideshow [who I'm sitting here worrying about], the ODHLC, the Lunch Gaggle, Pauly and Shane, etc.), and invest less time in people who do nothing but frustrate me (e.g., the person I lost my cool with on Thursday)...

So using billing as the jumping off point for that, because it's a bit more of a tangible way to accomplish that goal (and fits into the Twelve Absurdities scheme).

Editor's Note: I, erm, managed to fuck up my phone - don't ask - so I'm unable to take photos from anything other than a horizontal position (heh-heh), so I'll be using other sources for pix until I scrape together enough money for a new (fully functioning) phone.

Bliss in Dial-Up Hell

2008-06-28T16:22:00.003-06:00

Lost a jury trial Friday (I do occasionally win some, swear), so in Hometown to sulk (Military Brother and the Betsy-Monster are also up here right now).

Plan: Mingles, Garden, Alley, lather, rinse, repeat.

Dairy Days!

2008-06-26T23:19:00.002-06:00

It's craptacular!

And I suspect CBK is ghostwriting this particular blog.

I dropped my drawers, and it was "welcome back, Kotter!"

2008-06-26T08:34:00.003-06:00

Us associates caught Pregnant downloading ELO yesterday. Mr. Blue Sky was referenced.

"Wasn't that used for a VW commercial?" Yes, it was.

"Did you know ELO did Xanadu?" I did not know that (even tho' I watched it a million times as a kid).

"Let's all watch it tonight!" Ok, but first, SYTYCD. :)

Now Will It Matter After I'm Gone? ('Cuz You Never Learned a Goddamn Thing)

2008-06-24T22:56:00.006-06:00

Now all I need is a frog and a Studebaker.

Semiannual bonus - check.

Jay off 24-hour care (well, next week, knock on wood) - check.

So now what?

I left my escape plan in limbo for a bit of time now, but have whittled my list down to Portland, Boston, and ... (dark horse contender) Tucson! I've nixed Seattle, for various reasons, one being that there isn't full reciprocity there (yes, yes, there isn't reciprocity with Arizona, either, but...it all makes sense in Bliss' head).

Now, while leaving here is probably best for my mental health, and I don't have any particular love for the town itself (the 'Suburb Without a City'), I'm close with quite a few people, some of whom have been absolute rockstars over the last several months while I've been dealing with an insane, and at times overwhelming, year. I couldn't replace them, and don't really relish the prospect of essentially starting from scratch in a new town (ufda - been there, done that, several times).

So, we'll see. I need to sit in a corner, have a good thinkthink, and come up with a coherent life-plan. And maybe eat a Twinkie. You know, in case one happens to be around.

And tomorrow, I promise, back to normal - pic and no commentary.

Best CLE EVAH.

2008-06-23T22:38:00.005-06:00

Little Sister and the ODHLC.

Random thoughts about the CLE:

1) Fancy hotels make me uncomfortable. I don't need swans or doormen to have a good stay.

2) The CLE was pretty well-attended by an interesting cast of characters - Little Sister, Nemesis Associate, folks from the Anti-Ballet-Buddy firm, Telephone Lawyer Buddy, etc. The ODHLC got me to the Roosevelt for dinner, and then we both dragged Little Sister to Whiskey Jacques for, erm, a rather brutal night of drinking that culminated in a Wizard-of-Oz-esque frolic on a pitch black road back to the resort. The ODHLC stuck with wine, but Little Sister remained my solid whiskey-buddy, and matched me drink for drink and then some. You'd never guess it by looking at her...

3) No matter how tempting it might be, don't eat cheese that's been sitting out for 8 hours. In the dark. When you're a bit inebriated. Because, at a minimum, you will stick your hand in a bowl of salsa. I'm just saying.

4) I forgot to pack a second shirt, so my only option for Friday attire was a random beer shirt I had stuffed in my travel bag. I figured I'd sit quietly in the back with the ODHLC and Little Sister, and then bail the second the seminar wrapped. Oh, except when the 9th Circuit judge decided to wander around before his presentation, shake hands, and make chit-chat. With me. In my beer shirt. I repeat: Worst. Attorney. Ever.

5) The ODHLC - wow. Track scholarship to Brown; had to give it up because of injuries, but rehabbed and went to college on a ballet scholarship. Still does ballet - oh, and back to running marathons. AND not only plays the piano, but actually does written piano theory every day. Throw in that silly ol' federal clerkship, and I half-expect that I'll say something goony, like "I made a pie today!" and she'll pat me on the head, feeling a bit sorry for me.

6) But the pie *was* good, so no worries. :)

Oh, yah, and the CLE was educational and stuff. And even had ethics credits. Woot.

Bumbling Through Mix Tapes

2008-06-22T21:43:00.001-06:00

What to do with free time driving through the scrub brush.

On my way over to the CLE (which will more thoroughly discussed tomorrow), I took the time to sort through a gigantic accumulated stack of CDs that were making even gear-shifting a hassle.

In the stack were a series of mix tapes (CDs, fine, whatever you want to call them). I don't have a very coherent mix tape plan - I typically just burn the last 12 or so songs that I've downloaded. They do end up - not surprisingly - generally life event/person-specific, but, of course, some songs hold up, some do not.

So I gave a listen, and tried to figure out which of the bunch held up the best, which would make for an ok single mix. I steered clear of stuff I was currently listening to, because all of the stuff was appealing at one time or another, and time hasn't sorted these out yet (so, no inclusion of, e.g., Kanye's "Stronger" or Amy Winehouse's cover of "Valerie"); I also bagged old, obvious stuff (sorry, AC/DC); and also bagged stuff that was a bit too thematic (I'm surprised that Keane's "A Bad Dream" held up for me, but unless you're in the mood to be uber-depressed, it's not a good pick).

That being said, driving music that's held up:

The Living End, "Who's Gonna Save Us" - A bit more political than I usually listen to, but a fun hook.

Tom Waits, "Chocolate Jesus" - I love that he can sing "Well, I don't want no Abba Zabba/Don't want no Almond Joy" and *still* make it sound a bit creepy.

Aimee Mann, "Momentum" (ignore the animé - few YouTube options on that one) - "All those minutes and days and hours I've frittered away..." A nice song with a universal theme.

Green Day, "Whatsername" - "She's in my head, I must confess..."; a plague of a song on a rank sentimentalist like me...

No Doubt, "Sunday Morning" -For when you're surly with someone.

Blink-182, "First Date" - "When you smile, I melt inside/I'm not worthy for a minute of your time..." Everyone has someone who makes them feel like a complete buffoon.

Barenaked Ladies, "Sound of Your Voice" - One of the happiest-sounding sad songs ever - "The alarm clock rings/What a lonely noise/And I long for the sound of your voice..."

Ryan Adams, "Come Pick Me Up" - "Come pick me up/Take me out/Fuck me up/Steal all my records/Screw all my friends..." Once described to me as a perfect poking-a-bruise song.

Death Cab for Cutie, "Soul Meets Body" - Just a dreamy little ditty for when you're zoning - "And I do believe it's true/That there's roads left in both our shoes..."

Nada Surf, "Inside of Love" - Ok, this one might be a bit depressing. "I know the last page so well/I can't read the first/So I just don't start/It's getting worse..."

Say Anything, "Alive With the Glory of Love" - A tribute to overwhelming passion...in the backdrop of the Holocaust. "When I watch you/Wanna do you/Right where you're standing..."

The Be Good Tanyas, "The Littlest Birds" - "You pass through places/And places pass through you..." Just a bit of traveling music.

Snow Patrol, "Chocolate" - I made a YouTube video using this song - I don't even want to know how many times I've heard it. But still good. "But in truth/I'm lost for words..."

And on that note...

Feck.

2008-06-18T22:47:00.002-06:00

I wouldn't mind, but lawyers don't sit other lawyers, so I pretty much get to watch the silly video and then be told to fuck off.

My next four days are carefully organized:

1) CLE in Sun Valley (woot?);
2) Quick pop-over to Seattle; and
3) Eat peach crumble pie.

If only I could get the CLE moved to Seattle, and then take the pie on the plane...it would be a masterstroke of efficiency!

Rural County Courthouse, Tank in the Front Yard.

2008-06-17T23:25:00.004-06:00

Because sometimes statues just don't cut it.

Three Weddings and a Bar Mitzvah.

2008-06-16T23:15:00.004-06:00

But no funerals in 2008 yet, knock on wood!

The bar mitzvah was fun - I especially enjoyed the old lady that hovered around me, trying to get me to eat more cake.

The bar mitzvah was followed by an event that shall heretofore be known as The Night of 1,000 Sangrias.

I vote that next time, people just bring chips.

Finding a Place Where They're Far More Suited Than Here.

2008-06-15T22:57:00.005-06:00

My team. No golfers. All drinkers.

I was so worried that the new associates would be so rigidly in the mold of Big Law that the Drunken Associate Outing(tm) would be a suck-fest this year, if people actually tried to compete in it. Ballet-Buddy's team did all 18 holes, but on a glacial pace, and fueled by quantities of Mike's bordering on the illegal. My team mostly enjoyed being out of the office and drinking bad beer at 8:30 a.m. - eventually, tho', my team got bored, and quit with 4 holes left to play. Everyone thereafter rallied downtown for many, many drinks on the Firm's dime, I enjoyed my once-annual hee-gar, and Ballet-Buddy and I eventually closed out the bar.

It brings a tear to my eye - I'm so proud of my not-golfing, lushily-alcoholic junior associates!

Hanging Outside Lifer's Office, Waiting for Her To Get Off the Phone...

2008-06-12T23:18:00.003-06:00

Have an amusing, ribald anecdote to share! Not going to walk back up the stairs without first sharing! Doop-de-doo...

nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters....

2008-06-10T23:03:00.001-06:00

I had a work-claustrophobia moment, so I escaped to try out the new golf clubs (big Bar golf event on Friday, aka the "Drunken Associate Event").

Then I got annoyed at myself for skipping work to golf (*gag*).

But then I calmed down, once I realized that I was the worst golfer in the history of man, which would immediately disqualify me from ever holding "Official Actual Lawyer" status.

WTF?

2008-06-10T23:00:00.007-06:00

Cloudy? Cold? Rainy? Apparently I overslept, and now it's October.

Update: Is that blue sky on the horizon this morning? Pleasepleaseplease!

Double update! The madness of it all!

Courtesy Graphjam, pointed out to me by TWG.

You Should Be Honored By My Lateness - That I Would Even Show Up To This Fake Shit.

2008-06-10T08:48:00.006-06:00

Site of the post-mediation debriefing - note gloomy skies. And no, I still don't want your shitty $7-a-glass house wine.

[rant]

I never remember how much I hate mediation until I do one. Yesterday's even had the world's longest opening session ever. For those that haven't had the joy, some mediators require the parties to do a joint opening session, where everyone sits at the table, and basically screams and bitches and moans at each other, thereby ensuring that everyone will be entrenched for the whole day, and no one will make an offer until 4pm. Opening statements eat a fat dick.

Fortunately, the mediation was self-limiting, as the mediator had to fly out that night, which saved me the trouble of having to march room to room, nad-kicking, to get the damn thing going.

The most powerful sexual fantasy I have right now is people showing up to a mediation knowing what their reali$tic goals are, not doing any of the silly bullshit posturing, and settling the fucking case in two hours or less.

Sadly, that'll never happen.

[/rant]

Tessie is a maiden with a sparkling eye!

2008-06-08T22:49:00.006-06:00

Bliss + crowd + Greek food = joy.

Since her firm cancelled the promised Pismo depo, the ODHLC took me to the Greek Food Fest and bought me off with baklava. Works for me!

In other news:

* The partner at the Firm also felt bad about the Pismo depo cancellation, so I got hooked up with a two-day CLE, in Sun Valley. Woot!

* Kung Fu Panda was good. I laughed out loud at some of the opening dialogue ("Then chew my fist!"), tho', so I got glared at by some 3rd graders.

* The Pomegranate is back. Gack.

* Pregnant: "The newbies love you. Words like 'sage' and 'guru' were being bandied about."
Bliss: "Hopefully you pointed out that I'm a mild alcoholic who eats Oreos off the ground."

* A misspelled text which has resulted in harassment: "It was pretty goo."

* Lifer knows better than to pour red wine into me. Throw in large volumes of meat, Wii bowling (or, as ACW would say, 'bowling with my Wiiner'), and a creepy robotic horse (don't ask), Saturday night was a looooong night.

* Pie season has begun. Made a raspberry pie for the Saturday function. Strawberry-rhubarb for next weekend. I promise, tho' - no more pie pictures. Just imagine the pies.

* Ok, the whole Pregnant-now-at-the-Firm thing has taken a twist. Apparently her and Ballet-Buddy have known each other for years, and there's some uber-secret background story there - they don't particularly care for one another (to put it mildly - it's really uncomfortable to be around the two of them), and I keep waiting for the "Bliss must take sides!" shoe to drop. Eeps.

And other stuff.

In Your Favorite Sweater With an Old Love Letter (from Art Linkletter)

2008-06-05T22:57:00.001-06:00

I hate the current hippie "everyone wins in the end!" version of Life. I spotted this original version of the game in a thrift store for 99 cents.

And this time, my find has been fully validated by Art Linkletter.

I need Art's validation for other things in my life, such as appellate briefing.

With that endorsement on the front cover, I'd win every time.

The city spins around....

2008-06-04T23:11:00.007-06:00

Just liked this picture, that's all...

Bliss, Spring 2008 Putt-Putt Champion OF THE WORLD!

2008-06-03T22:48:00.001-06:00

The mighty putt-putt fire god has decreed it!

So Go Ahead - Go Nuts, Go Apeshit

2008-06-02T23:29:00.007-06:00

Ah, the "dark theatre, over-the-shoulder shot, shitty camera phone" production values of this blog. Next week - crayon drawings!

I saw Sex & the City opening night. Why? I struck a deal to get Ballet-Buddy to go to Kung Fu Panda with me (it appears to inspire quite a bit of antagonism, for some reason, so willing movie-goers were sparse), so I didn't end up the "creepy guy alone in a theatre full of children."

That aside, Sex & the City was actually fun - not necessarily the movie itself (I've only seen a couple of episodes), but an incredibly fun crowd (Bliss and crowds, you know) - completely sold out, folks were dressed to the nines, lots of random cheering, etc. It reminded me of catching Hard Target opening weekend in Seattle with Seattle Friend and Foz - movie was meh, but the crowd was so insanely into it, it made the movie more entertaining.

I'm expecting the Kung Fu Panda crowd to be equally raucous. Except with less dressing up. And fewer adults. And the movie will have fewer gay characters. And probably a few less sex scenes.

But raucous nonetheless!!

I wake you up in the morning so early, just to tell you I got the wandering blues...

2008-05-30T15:48:00.008-06:00

Woot! Get to cover a depo in San Luis Obispo next Friday, which means a little down time at Pismo Beach (and the ODHLC, repping a co-defendant, is also potentially going).

I was last there a few years back on a road trip (to Six Flags, natch), and loved it. My ma (born and raised in L.A.) isn't so much a fan, but it beats the hell out of covering another feckin' depo in Bumblefuck (the only depos I ever seem to go to).

Woot again!

The Fifth Absurdity - Golf

2008-05-29T23:10:00.003-06:00

I don't like golf; I only golf a couple of times a year in official large-scale bar events, and I just go for the drinking and golf cart antics (and don't play with any one else that can actually golf).

So, for the May Absurdity, I bought a set of clubs, being dispossessed of the set I had been using. Granted, they're a cheap set, but that way I won't be upset if they get lost/broken. And Pregnant (who, btw, just got hired by The Firm) has vowed with me that we will hit the driving range at least once in the next year so we don't horribly embarrass ourselves at the next aforementioned bar event (although she's actually had lessons - I've just squandered years of my life on putt-putt courses).

And now Bliss o-o-officially owns (*gasp*) golf clubs.

It's like I'm almost a *real* lawyer.

Except not.