Life, the Universe & Everything.

Give God a Bell

2009-03-26T12:19:00.003Z

The Archbishop of Canterbury has been having a chat with the Old Man Upstairs about saving us from environmental catastrophe. It's "no go" aparently. He's just about sick and tired of saving us from our own fuck ups, having to take retribution on himself and everything.

Well, the fact is he knew all this as he was creating us and so we he created us with the intention of seeing us destroy everything he has created for us.

I like to think of the Earth as God's Robot Wars. He designed all these life-machines to kick the fuck out of each other. The best machine wins!

God: "Come on you bacteeeeeria! Bacteeeeria, bacteeeeria, bacteeeeria!"

You can imagine the angels doing a kind of cheerleader thing...

Priest Admits Religious Story "A Fable"

2008-12-24T10:17:00.002Z

In today's amusing story from the world of the self-deluded, a Catholic priest has been announcing to children that Santa doesn't exist.

The priest said he had never intended to hurt anyone, but it was his duty to distinguish the reality of Jesus from the story of Father Christmas which was a fable just like Cinderella or Snow White.

Good luck with that.

Have a Very Consumer Christmas and an Arbitrary New Year

2008-12-19T11:13:00.013Z

I'm supposed to be asleep. I'm terrified. I'm more terrified by the idea of a magical being coming through my bedroom door than the possibility he might recind my gifts on account of my being awake.

It's not so much that he is a magical being either. It's more that the persona of the rotund red and white man from the North Pole has been steadily inflated in my innocent mind since I was able to understand the words "father" and "Christmas"...

If I'd been 16 instead of 6, the same effect could have been created by John Lennon coming through the door. Or Adolf Hitler.

Christmas was an exciting time in my childhood, fueled by TV adverts which lead the drive to promote peace and goodwill to all men, women and children... upon the ownership of items which, by the look of things, could inspire unimaginable joy.

And I was a TV addict as a child. The TV set was my church. The people inside it my church leaders. And Father Christmas was undoubtedly the god (who you only thought about once a year). His miracle - to bring forth the Items of Holy Joy from the TV and make them real.

There was some kind of deal with carrots for the reindeer and brandy for F.C. I really only feigned interest. It seemed to keep the parents happy. That's what parents do - they look after the catering.

Us kids, meanwhile, got on with the important stuff. Wind up Evil Knievel and he does wheelies! Slam that button, your robot punches the other kid's robot's head clean off his shoudlers! And that, my brothers and sisters, was the Holy Joy of Ecstasy. Just like in the ad I was flying high. For about 40 seconds.

But the TV ad had promised. It had sworn by almighty F.C. the owner of this Item of Holy Joy would never get bored. Never. At least, that was the message that entered my brain.

But no matter. Even though that year's gifts had failed to live up to the hype, I was no less excited about next year's as the season approached once again. I was a junkie who needed his fix.

It wasn't until Santa's Grotto had become a mythical location (and I had started to get underwear for Christmas) that I began to see through the whole cynical system. I believe I was 13 years old.

30 years later and I'm still locked into it. I dread that moment on Christmas Day when we all have to sit round in a circle and open our presents. And the tradition in my partner's family is the tortuous and excrutiating One-by-One Method.

I sit there in two minds - do I try to delay the opening of my presents? Or do I try to 'accidently' open them all in one go and get the whole unpleasant experience over with.

"What are you doing? You've opened them all. It's supposed to be Grandpa's turn."
"I forgot."
"We've done it this way for the last 20 years, how could you forget?!"
"I got excited. I couldn't wait. I just had to find out what was in this bottle-shaped one."

No, it's going to cause too much pain. I'd be destroying a Christmas ritual which they've held for over half a century. I might as well urinate over the Christmas pudding with a "Light that, Grandpa!".

Luckily, one advantage of being "quiet" is you can fade out of a situation without anyone noticing. As Grandpa reveals his bird-feeder and Nanna peels back the silver and green Christmas tree motto wrapping of her vase and my other half expresses her deepest feelings of gratitude for the wrinkle cream she told me to buy (with the money from our joint account), the fact that my face remains expressionless throughout is, thankfully, unremarkable.

Only, I can see her feelings of gratitude are so desperately genuine. So my waxwork face covers a terrible guilt. Guilt that, due to my lack of imagination, I had to be told what to buy her. Guilt that this matters to her and yet I can't find the will somewhere to care.

I make the effort. I really do. I join the pre-Christmas shopping centre hysteria will all hope of finding something worth giving.

It's all lined up. How could it be easier? Those manufacturers have taken all the trouble out of Christmas. They've got this down to a fine art. There's boxes of gift sets, stacked up in huge superstores. Stacks and stacks running into an impossble infinity, like the last shot of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

How could I fail to find a gift? I should be able to do it blinfolded. "Just grab one and run!" the voices in my head scream. "You're thinking too much. Look at all these people. Do you think they think about it? They're just ticking off their list because that's what they've been told to do."

Through the belowing wall of hot air. Automatic doors invite me to freedom. And I emerge back onto the street empty handed. Sobered by the sudden cold snap of winter air. A Christmas failure.

If Everybody Says It...

2008-11-05T17:08:00.009Z

...it must be true.

The man due to become the most powerful in the world is, for the first time, mixed-race.

It's hip to be mixed-race now. Everyone's talking about it.

This guy, for example. Apparently the Supreme Court were talking about it 40 years ago: "The freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides within the individual and cannot be infringed by the state."

"...today there are successful mixed-race individuals everywhere you look." I agree with that.

And then: England's 2006 footy team included six players of "mixed ethnic heritage". Are you sure it's only six? What about the other 5? Was their ethnic heritage of the purified variety? Do you actually know anyone whose ethnic heritage is unmixed?

What a strange phrase that is - mixed ethnic heritage. What it is is the English langue struggling to describe something that is impossible to define. It's one of those common sense things that everyone knows is there but when you try to nail it down, it keeps slipping away from you.

"Mixed race is the fastest growing ethnic group in Britain". If not, the world.

The article goes on to include the possibility the whole idea of race is nonsensical. Uh, well yeah.

This morning, on BBC Breakfast News, brothers and sisters of the darker skin variety were rejoicing that a fellow darker-skinned person was now President. "But he's not black, he's mixed-race" came the emails from a number of members of the TV news watching public.

Had darker-skinned folk been robbed of their new hero on a technicality? He's mixed-race, so he doesn't count as officially black.

"It's not an issue," the darker-skinned man countered, "Obama has already declared himself black."

That's that then. Although I wondered if it would count if McCain had declared himself black, too.

The darker-skinned man stuck to his convictions: "134 years ago, this man would have been sold as a slave". So, we are to define a man based on some misguided ignorance beffudling the mind's of our recent ancestors?

But nothing is clearer in the race issue when the two races in question are conveniently contrasting in colour. Black is black and white is white. It's scientific. And when you mix black and white what do you get? A kind of ruddy light-brown?

Only when you dipped your brush into the red pot and didn't wash it properly afterwards, I seem to remember from junior school art classes.

Black and white just isn't scientific enough for me. We need proper classifications for these two species of human. How about Assius Blanc and Assius Noir?

What I want to ask people who talk about "mixed-race" as if it's some kind of freakish minority is: "What do you think you are, then?"

Delusion is a Thing of Habit

2008-10-15T10:47:00.004Z

You wouldn't borrow money to pay your mortgage (well, you might if you were a desperate and prone to self-delusion). So why are governments across the globe doing it?

If your income cannot cover the cost of your debts, you need to either increase your income or find a way to lower your debts. Or both. What you should never do is borrow more money to cover your debt payments in the short term whilst digging yourself a bigger debt hole for the future.

"No more boom and bust" they said. But this is how the Capitalist economy works. It overreaches itself and then the bubble bursts.

The UK government is leading the way using money it doesn't have to bail out banks who owe money they don't have. Who do they owe the money to? Us.

So, basically, we are borrowing money to pay ourselves the money we are owed. I wonder who we are borrowing from. Is it, perhaps, borrowed from those who walked away from the bankrupt banks with several billions in their pockets.

In that case... we're borrowing back the money that was stolen from us and we're paying interest on it to the thieves.

Is there any wonder why the markets are still falling?

When the value of things is increasing slowly, us Capitalists are happy. If the value of things increases fast, we're unhappy - unless it just so happens we own the particular thing of which the value is increasing.

But if the value of things decreases sharply, we're unhappy and those of us Capitalists with our hands in the pot are likely to get our fingers chopped off. This sudden devaluation creates a trap and everyone gets caught. And the more you try to bail things out, the more caught up in it you get.

The Mythology of Capitalism Part 2

2008-10-10T09:36:00.006Z

Stock markets around the world continue to implode despite governements borrowing money to lend to banks so they can lend it to each other so they can lend it to us so we can afford to pay the interest on the money the governments have borrowed in our name...

Are you laughing or crying? Why did anyone ever think that sounded like a sensible thing to do?

Coincedently, a friend sent me a link to this movie today. The first 10 minutes or so explains how money is created from nothing, which is quite interesting. The rest of it is kind of obvious - America has an empire built on loaning money to less powerful countries, money it doesn't even really have. Not exactly earth shattering news.

I was in Morrisons on Wednesday. Dotted around are these items labeled "Fair Trade". We've all seen them and we're used to them now. And if we're feeling all righteous and a little flush, we'll buy that "fair trade" item and walk around with a smug look on our faces.

But it suddenly occured to me - what does that say about every other item in the store? I'll say it for you: it has been traded unfairly. The incredible thing is - something so criminal is so blatantly expressed about the system. What they're saying is - the Capitalist system is essentially unfair but, if you are eccentric enough, we are such good providers of choice that you can even chose to pay a fair price.

See, as we all know, America has a huge debt. A lot (dunno exactly how much) has been bought up by China. This gives people the impression China owns America. Yet, as anyone with a few years under your belt will know, stuff owed to you by someone else is often as much of a burden as it is an asset. Because you have to try and get it back.

Surely, most of us learnt this in primary school when we lent the big bully kid our ruler. Did we ever get that back? No. And that's when we learnt to be careful who you gave stuff to. We must have been about what, 5 or 6 years old?

And yet this knowledge appears be unavailable to the grown men and women who make up the financial services or who work as the economic advisors to nations.

So China owns America. Why is it, then, that billions of Chinese people work 14 hour days for $100 a week to make stuff for fat Americans sitting on their arses all day (growing lard and debt)? Because China knows if it wants to get its money back it has to keep America from going bankrupt.

What would happen if China went on strike?

The Mythology of Capitalism

2008-10-08T08:38:00.008Z

A couple of years ago, I was walking back from the shops with my (13 years old at the time) son, when our conversation moved onto the subject of money. When I took out a £10 note from my wallet and explained that the value of this piece of paper was only imaginary, at first he couldn't accept it. There was nothing more rock solid than money, in his experience.

All his life, the paper stuff that came from wallets made things happen.

If you wanted sweets, money would get them for you. If wanted that cool-looking Power Ranger figure in Woolworths, it was a matter of persuading one's parents to part with some of their cash in exchange for it. It was also an obstacle to one's fulfillment. The "we can't afford it" destroyer of dreams.

But then I reminded him of his history lessons - you know the stories from pre-war Germany, of folks going to buy a loaf of bread with a wheelbarrow of money only to find by the time they got there it was no longer enough.

The thing about money is, it only has a value if people believe in that value. ""I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of......" says the Govenor of the Bank of England on every note. So paper money is a promise that only has value if you (and everyone else invloved in a transaction) believe the person making the promise.

We all know that money is a convenient system to allow the trade of goods faster than if, say, a person who wants to get rid of a goat and aquire a DVD player has to find a person with a DVD player to spare who also needs a goat (and that doesn't even include the complication of trying to agree how many goats a DVD player is worth).

So we have a system where things are given a token value and then tokens are distributed amongst the populace. To aquire an item a citizen now simply has to hand over the specified number of tokens. Even that sounds pretty precarious, doesn't it?

The situation we're in now is built on a house of cards. We're living in a system where entire countries can imagine they are as wealthy as they want to be.

For a while, everyone believed the Emperor was wearing new clothes. And watching a new widescreen TV, driving a new 4X4 and living in his new 6 bedroom royal palace. Then the Emperor caught a cold...

There are now entire industries of people who do nothing but swap tokens with each other.

Imagine if our world was a little farming village. There are 200 farm workers who work the land, toiling away from sunrise until sunset. But then there's 50 people who do nothing but consume the farmers' produce and gamble with the farmers' tokens. How long do you think those farmers would let that go on?

We're letting it go on because the gamblers say, if we leave them to it, we can have a new fridge-freezer and that's good enough for us.

There are people who have worked all their lives to put a bit of money aside for their retirement. They believed the tokens they were working for would retain the value they were promised, up until the day they died. They believed, like my son, that money was rock solid.

Its very hard for us (who have based our life on the value of tokens) to understand when those tokens are suddenly as useful as a small piece of paper with a picture of a head of state on it.

Even our governments cannot fathom it. As the value of tokens is rapidly vanishing, they're doing nothing but offering us more tokens. They're showering us with the things - $700bn here, £50bn there - desperately screaming "money money money!", still themselves possessed by the demon of delusion. Because it's all they know. It's all anybody has known, since the day they were born.

What is your money but a promise? A promise which you have already broken. What is your solution? More broken promises.

Today the UK government has announced a £50bn investment plan to inject cash into UK financial institutions. Read this article.

"Where does the money come from?
To get the money for the rescue package, the government will have to borrow it..."

Borrowing. This is the word that got us into trouble in the first place. An illusion of wealth was created by allowing people, banks and entire nations to "borrow" it. How absurd, this Capitalist merry-go-round. It's like ten people with one worthless piece of paper passing it round in a circle.

"So who are the winners?
Some will see this as a fat cat bail-out, throwing money at the people who got us into this mess. However, this has gone beyond the failure of one bank or another.

The economic situation is so dire, and the financial markets are so vital to our lives..."

Oh really? You see how we've been sucked into this fanstasy? We've been sold a lie that our lives depend on tokens with an imaginary value.

"...that a collapse of the banking system would hurt us all - as borrowers, savers, consumers, employers, employees, pensioners and investors."

Bollocks. Yes, those who have stored their life's work in the form of tokens in these things called "banks" will have to face the truth - tokens are only worth as much as people believe they are worth. Is that really what you want to devote your life to? Collecting tokens?

You might as well collect bottle tops.

Plot Holes

2008-09-15T11:50:00.002Z

Just wondering why a god would get angry with people when he created those people knowing full well they'd do all the bad things he's angry at them for.

It's kinda like me designing a car knowing the wheels will fall off after the vehicle puts 30 miles on the clock. Then, after I've had the thing built and I'm driving it, 30 miles down the road the wheels fall off (as planned). Then, I climb out of the car in a raging fit, proceed to pour gasoline all over the hopeless motor and torch it to punish it for being such a crap car.

And this is the basis for sin. Does it make any sense whatsoever?

Who Says Christians Can't Parteeeee!!!!

2008-09-04T11:38:00.002Z

Make sure you crank up the volume!!!

Jesus has a Stiffy

2008-09-02T23:05:00.008Z

It's a good question. How human was Jesus? Did he ever have an erection? Perhaps you will be convinced Jesus could not have a stiff one as his spiritual superiority means he would never have the feeling of lust that humans have. He just wouldn't get turned on - it's not a Jesus thing.

But I normally wake up with a hard on and I can assure you it's nothing to do with sex. The folklore says its to do with needing a wee, because you can't wee with a stiffy. But hang on, I'm sure I've weed with a stiffy before. Its a lot harder (so to speak) than when its flacid. Unless you have a skylight in your bathroom, like we do.

So Jesus went around Galilee with his cock and only presented it for a quick leak. Well, I presume Jesus did leak like the rest of us.

Why is it we never see that in the Jesus biopics?

"Paul, just keep the five thousand amused for a bit, will you? I'm desperate for a wazz."
"What am I supposed to do?"
"I dunno. Do that thing you do with the gord and pomegranate"
"Is this really the crowd for that?"
"I'm not going to argue - I'm heading behind this bush!"

But if Jesus was human, I'm sure he would have woken up with a stiff penis, like the rest of us blokes. And this idea is utterly horrifying to Mr & Mrs sensible Christian. Why?

Why are you all so sensitive about the relationship Jesus had with his cock? If Jesus was human and drank fluid like humans do, he will have, at least once a day, held his meaty cock in his hand. The same cock to and from which flowed the blood of Christ.

Christians should be proud of Christ's cock. To think that he handled it every day and felt that same sense of relief as his piss flowed from his bladder as we all do. We can feel a sense of unity in that as we hold our genitals in our warm and sometimes sweaty hands, so did Jesus, two thousand years ago, pull forth his dangly one and release his Holy waters.

I presume you do, after all, believe Jesus had a cock. And if he had a cock, he must have handled it. I wonder what kind of expression he would have had as he gushed into the sand. I just can't imagine he had that look of detached piety we always think of him as permanently wearing.

Perhaps he used no hands at all. Instead, perhaps, he produced it in a kind of miraculous way. With his arms outstretched, in that inviting way he always does it, and his face smiling, kindly, his cock, perhaps, exposed itself, wriggling through the folds of his robes like an albino snake.

No, its just too silly. I'm sure he just grabbed his cock, like anyone would, one hand propped against the palm tree and the other aiming at it roots. Empty the bladder. A shiver and a shake. Then back to Bethlehem High Street to carry on healing the sick.

It's Nice of You to Say You're Sorry

2008-07-27T06:54:00.006Z

I like the word 'apologist'. It's very appropriate in the case of the religious.

"Sorry our silly story doesn't really add up. Sorry our silly story is offensive to many. Sorry our silly story has caused so much misery, pain and death over the centuries."

But I'm sorry too.

Sorry religious folk, it's time for you to grow up now. I'm sorry that you have to face the facts, but that's just how it is. And these are the facts:

Our sun is in a galaxy. It takes our sun over 200 million years to go round that galaxy once. That's a long time isn't it?

And how many times has man been around this galaxy that you believe is created solely for us? Let's say it takes an hour to go round the galaxy. In that case, the dinosaurs existed on this planet for 48 minutes. How long has man been here for?

48 seconds.

That's right, we're the late arrivals at this party. We've only just turned up and we're not about to sit in the corner, have a quiet chat with your mother about your new job in HR while drinking white wine spritzers. We've only been at this do 48 seconds and we've drunk all your booze, eaten all the marinated olives, all the warmed pitta bread and humous, all the pizza, the Bree, the bagettes, the Greek salad, the hand fried parsnip crisps, 90% of your guests and now we're very very angry that you haven't laid on more.

We are the party guest from Hell.

We're such an ass, we think this party was laid on just for us. Between mouthfuls, we babble on about how the host's house belongs to us. How it was built only just before we arrived. How a voice in our head told us so.

Rude doesn't really describe it, does it? The rest of the guests (those still alive) are desperately wishing we would leave some time soon and who can blame them?

Why Did God Create Gay Men & Women?

2008-06-17T09:43:00.002Z

It's official - and all those arguments going on in churches throughout the land about whether Gay is God, or Gay is Good, or if God is Gay. The answer is: yes. Yes, he has designed men who desire sex with other men and women who desire sex with other women.

On his drawing board he had (at least) 4 types of blueprint for humans. And then some funny peasants in the Middle East got a bit of sunstroke decided it was wrong. And, lo, they convinced almost the entire world to believe in their giddy nonesense.

But looking at it through Darwin's spectacles, why would humans evolve a brain prone to giddyness? I guess that also resolves the 'argument' over ID. Most assuredly, we were not designed by anything intelligent.

Seeing The Light

2008-05-22T10:40:00.004Z

Someone emailed the Mrs this at work. Caption: "I don't think they thought this through..."

Get Over It

2008-05-19T13:31:00.003Z

Reading Stories of Faith at the Church of England (seems odd that a church can somehow be delineated by a national border) website it seems every example lists people finding and using religion as a way of getting over some kind of emotional stress or other.

Why are there no stories about people who are perfectly happy, with no problems in their lives, suddenly finding themselves talking to Jesus?

I'm looking for the story which starts, "I was tucking into a bacon sarny, doing the Times crossword, when..."

The Church of England are selling their faith as a solution to hard-to-cope-with problems.

But I'm not complaining. Religion, I think, is a quick fix for personal trauma. Which is a good thing because the alternative is (lengthy and expensive and with a dubious success rate) therapy.

Yes, there are plenty of people not dealing with trauma who were born into their religion. But you rarely find a long-term nonbeliever who suddenly finds faith without that person having just been through some bad times.

I have a friend (who I have known for 30 years) who suddenly converted after splitting up with his wife. It was quite a surprise. He always struck me as quite a rational person.

Then there are those say they can't tell their children the truth because the truth is too nasty.

So this is how the religion delusion persists: personal trauma leads to desperation (basically, a mental illness of some kind), which leads to the need to believe in fairy tales, which leads to raising your kids to believe in fairy tales.

Meat Eating Self Defeating Rats Dressed As Lemmings

2008-05-08T16:48:00.004Z

This is the world we now live in. The dystopian future is here. Rearing organic chickens is bad for the planet cos they run around to keep warm, wasting feed. Cattle will be raised inside so they stand still and just grow big enough to eat.

Tooo many people. But that's just nature taking its course. This is what we evolved brains for - so we could outgrow our planet and have to raise cows in cow factories.

Wells's idea in The Time Machine was that the human race would split into two - the Morlocks would live underground and feed on farmed Aryans (that's what they look like in the film, anyway). Yeah, we hope we don't turn into those nasty Morlock things...

But wait a minute - we are the Morlocks. The rest of the planet is our slave. We are the evil masters of our universe and there's no James Bond character to take us down. This world is subjugated. Our tyranny is unopposed.

Okay so a few thousand get drowned once in a while, but so what? Grieve 'em and leave 'em. Life is for the living. Keep on improving, expanding and demanding. We can make a better world if we all sing together.

While theists haggle over fossils and how many kinds of nothing it takes to create a something, the rats are looking more like lemmings every day, as they race to be the first over the capitalist precipice.

Our Father Who Farts In Heaven, Hallowed Be Methane...

Creationist Caught Speeding

2008-05-07T08:16:00.002Z

"Sir, you were travelling at 30 mph over the limit."

"Prove it."

"Well, Sir, I recorded your speed on my speed gun."

"Speed gun? Pah - how do you know that really recorded my speed? Are you trying to suggest that the velocity of an object in space can be measured by a 'gun'?"

"It relies on the Doppler Effect applied to a radar beam to measure the speed of objects at which it is pointed. But I also have you on video."

"Video? The whole concept was dreamed up by video philosophers. The idea that images can be recorded via a lens onto a tape, which stores the information as a series of 0s and 1s - it's somewhat far fetched, don't you think?"

"Here you are, Sir, look for yourself. Is this your vehicle?"

"Nope."

"It's the same model, the same colour and has the same registration number."

"How can that be my vehicle? You can see for yourself my vehicle is right there at the side of the road. How can it be in two places at once?"

"Sir, you know what I mean."

"How do you know that I know what you mean? Hey, what are you doing?"

"I am arresting you for obstructing the course of justice."

"Wait a minute! I haven't done anything?! Where's your evidence?!"

"I'm taking you in, buddy. You'll have plenty of time to talk evidence with your lawyer. Now get in the car."

"I'm not getting in that car... ouch! Stop! You're breaking the Second Law of Thermodynamics!"

Square Pegs

2008-05-06T05:37:00.003Z

The theist often finds it necessary to have their faith hammered into their children. It's all about repetition. Why?

We talk about having things 'drummed into us', sometimes. With religion, this is a very appropriate analogy. Theistic ideas are presented to vulnerable young minds like the beats of a loud drum ... God is Love God is Love God God is Love ... You'll Go To Hell You'll Go To Hell You'll Go To Hell You'll Go To Hell ... with the idea that this will encourage (or force) the children to march along in step.

Theists often claim atheism is a religion. Yet I don't know any godless folk who sit their children down and have them repeat "There is no god" over and over. I don't know any godless folk who encourage their children to read The God Delusion x number of times a day and repeat key parts before they go to bed. I don't know any goldess folk who send their kids to special atheist schools where they can have the lessons on the lack of evidence for gods.

In my own case, my son knows I'm an atheist but he's free believe whatever he wants. Weeks, months, maybe years can go past without imaginary creators ever getting a mention.

But I have to wonder why, if a god is so almighty and his lessons for life so strong, belief in him has to be bludgeoned into us from an impressionable age. It's like a square peg being forced into a round hole - if you keep hitting it hard enough, eventually it will go in (and you'll probably never be able to get it out again).

Fact and Theory

2008-05-03T16:32:00.003Z

This is for my theistic friend:

"Evolution as a process that has always gone on in the history of the earth can be doubted only by those who are ignorant of the evidence or are resistant to evidence, owing to emotional blocks or to plain bigotry. By contrast, the mechanisms that bring evolution about certainly need study and clarification. There are no alternatives to evolution as history that can withstand critical examination. Yet we are constantly learning new and important facts about evolutionary mechanisms."- Theodosius Dobzhansky

"Well evolution is a theory. It is also a FACT. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts don't go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's in this century, but apples didn't suspend themselves in midair, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape-like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered.

Moreover, "fact" doesn't mean "absolute certainty"; there ain't no such animal in an exciting and complex world. The final proofs of logic and mathematics flow deductively from stated premises and achieve certainty only because they are not about the empirical world. Evolutionists make no claim for perpetual truth, though creationists often do..."

Stephen J. Gould

"It is time for students of the evolutionary process, especially those who have been misquoted and used by the creationists, to state clearly that evolution is a FACT, not theory, and that what is at issue within biology are questions of details of the process and the relative importance of different mechanisms of evolution. It is a FACT that the earth with liquid water, is more than 3.6 billion years old. It is a FACT that cellular life has been around for at least half of that period and that organized multicellular life is at least 800 million years old. It is a FACT that major life forms now on earth were not at all represented in the past. There were no birds or mammals 250 million years ago. It is a FACT that major life forms of the past are no longer living. There used to be dinosaurs and Pithecanthropus, and there are none now. It is a FACT that all living forms come from previous living forms. Therefore, all present forms of life arose from ancestral forms that were different. Birds arose from nonbirds and humans from nonhumans. No person who pretends to any understanding of the natural world can deny these facts any more than she or he can deny that the earth is round, rotates on its axis, and revolves around the sun. "

R. C. Lewontin

"Today, nearly all biologists acknowledge that evolution is a fact. The term theory is no longer appropriate except when referring to the various models that attempt to explain how life evolves... it is important to understand that the current questions about how life evolves in no way implies any disagreement over the fact of evolution. "

- Neil A. Campbell, Biology 2nd ed., 1990, Benjamin/Cummings, p. 434

"Since Darwin's time, massive additional evidence has accumulated supporting the fact of evolution--that all living organisms present on earth today have arisen from earlier forms in the course of earth's long history. Indeed, all of modern biology is an affirmation of this relatedness of the many species of living things and of their gradual divergence from one another over the course of time. Since the publication of The Origin of Species, the important question, scientifically speaking, about evolution has not been whether it has taken place. That is no longer an issue among the vast majority of modern biologists. Today, the central and still fascinating questions for biologists concern the mechanisms by which evolution occurs."

- Helena Curtis and N. Sue Barnes, Biology 5th ed. 1989, Worth Publishers, p. 972

"A few words need to be said about the "theory of evolution," which most people take to mean the proposition that organisms have evolved from common ancestors. In everyday speech, "theory" often means a hypothesis or even a mere speculation. But in science, "theory" means "a statement of what are held to be the general laws, principles, or causes of something known or observed." as the Oxford English Dictionary defines it. The theory of evolution is a body of interconnected statements about natural selection and the other processes that are thought to cause evolution, just as the atomic theory of chemistry and the Newtonian theory of mechanics are bodies of statements that describe causes of chemical and physical phenomena. In contrast, the statement that organisms have descended with modifications from common ancestors--the historical reality of evolution--is not a theory. It is a fact, as fully as the fact of the earth's revolution about the sun. Like the heliocentric solar system, evolution began as a hypothesis, and achieved "facthood" as the evidence in its favor became so strong that no knowledgeable and unbiased person could deny its reality. No biologist today would think of submitting a paper entitled "New evidence for evolution;" it simply has not been an issue for a century."

- Douglas J. Futuyma, Evolutionary Biology, 2nd ed., 1986, Sinauer Associates, p. 15

Misquoting Jesus

2008-05-02T08:12:00.004Z

Theists are always misquoting Darwin and Einstein so I thought I'd also get creative with some of what Jesus said:

"Now, therefore, lift up your face, that you may receive the things that I shall teach you today. I am the one who ... will destroy you. You shall love your... camel... as your... Mother."

They said to Him: "Shall we then, being children... be the first to throw a stone?" Jesus said to them: "When you make... the outer as the inner... then you shall enter... the female... and have it abundantly."

Jesus said: "Blessed are the... fish... within you. Now, therefore, lift up... my shepherd... bring forth what is within Him. Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these...

"...why are you afraid? Even the least among you can... doubt... I am the Father."

They said to Him: "Look, the Kingdom is... not... in the sky," Jesus said to them: "...whatever... split."

False Logic

2008-05-01T09:01:00.003Z

Here's a list of common fallacies.

I think nearly all, if not all, Tim Keller's arguments fall into one of these catagories. Particularly this one: "Ignoratio elenchi" or an "Irrelevant conclusion".

"The fallacy of Irrelevant Conclusion consists of claiming that an argument supports a particular conclusion when it is actually logically nothing to do with that conclusion.

For example, a Christian may begin by saying that he will argue that the teachings of Christianity are undoubtedly true. If he then argues at length that Christianity is of great help to many people, no matter how well he argues he will not have shown that Christian teachings are true.

Sadly, these kinds of irrelevant arguments are often successful, because they make people to view the supposed conclusion in a more favorable light."

First he says what we believe depends on our culture and the people we hang around with. He's right. But this has nothing to do with his argument for the reasons for a god. In fact, it is the opposite. Ignoratio elenchi.

He then goes onto state that if you can't prove there is no god then there is one. This is a "Bifurcation".

"Also referred to as the "black and white" fallacy and "false dichotomy," bifurcation occurs if someone presents a situation as having only two alternatives, where in fact other alternatives exist or can exist."

He then goes on to list all the failed attmepts at disproving god. Again, this is an Irrelevant Conclusion and a false dichotomy, as failure to disprove god is not evidence for a god.

And it goes on...

A useful list if you're into debating.

Can Evil Be Good?

2008-04-30T16:53:00.004Z

Imagine you exist in two realities.

In the first reality, you are walking alone to a party one night when you are attacked by a mugger and lose your wallet. You call the police and, upset, return home to recover, with no more than a few bruises.

In the second reality, just at the point the mugger is about to attack you, he's overwhelmed with guilt and changes his mind. Oblivious, you continue on to the party. You have too much to drink and when some stranger offers you a lift home you accept. He turns out to be a psycho and murders you...

In the first reality, the mugger has saved your life. But, as you will never know it, you hate that mother fucker. You are traumatised by the experience and resent this violent act. You become more right wing in your opinions and wish for longer and harsher punishments to be dealt out to criminals, and more coppers on the beat.

By doing so, maybe you will somehow twist some other person's fate in the wrong direction.

Hitler was evil, right? But how do we know the world would be a better place if he hadn't existed. If you could go back in time and had the opportunity to finish him off before he did any real damage, could you pull the trigger with total certainty that the future you returned to would be a nicer place to live?

Didn't Hitler actually bring about the almost total destruction of fascism, by uniting the free world against it? What if Hitler had died in WW1? Perhaps fascism would have crept more cleverly and insidiously to ultimate power and we could now still be under it's brutal thumb.

Who are we to play with fate?

So, next time someone wrongs you, before you curse their name, consider that they may have just done you a favour.

Another Cool Quote

2008-04-30T08:40:00.004Z

Spotted on this blog today:

"The beauty of religious mania is that it has the power to explain everything. Once God (or Satan) is accepted as the first cause of everything which happens in the mortal world, nothing is left to chance...logic can be happily tossed out the window."

Stephen King

And on the Day of Quotes, here's some more:

ZZZZzzzzzzzzz........

2008-04-30T07:26:00.001Z

Evolution is a theory. It is also a fact. And facts and theories are different things, not rungs in a hierarchy of increasing certainty. Facts are the world's data. Theories are structures of ideas that explain and interpret facts. Facts do not go away when scientists debate rival theories to explain them. Einstein's theory of gravitation replaced Newton's, but apples did not suspend themselves in mid-air, pending the outcome. And humans evolved from ape-like ancestors whether they did so by Darwin's proposed mechanism or by some other yet to be discovered.

Stephen Jay Gould

Human Rights

2008-04-29T08:13:00.003Z

Apparently, human rights only make sense if there's a god.

Does this make sense?

Heaven's Bouncer: "Hey, who's next?"

AH: "Er... I think it's me."

Heaven's Bouncer: "State your name."

AH: "Adolph Hitler. You can call me Herr Wolf."

HB: "Do you seek forgiveness for your sins and believe in the Lawd and Saviour Jesus Christ?"

AH: "Not really much point. You might as well give me my ticket to eternal damnation."

HB: "Yes or no?"

AH: "Listen, I know Jesus forgives and all that but, honestly, I'm well over my sin limit."

HB: "There's no sin limit, son. We're all sinners, whether you've taken the Lawd's name in vain or lead your country in a bid for territorial conquest and racial subjugation that has caused the deaths of tens of millions of people, including the systematic genocide of an estimated six million Jews, not including various other "undesirable" populations, in what is known as the Holocaust. It's all the same to me."

AH: "So it's pretty much a one-size-fits-all offer of salvation?"

HB: "You can accuse us of many a thing, but being fussy is not one of them."

AH: " Right. So what do I have to do? Presumably millenia of self-harm, salf-sacrifice, worshipping and generally arse-licking the Amighty One."

HB: " Oh, no, we don't have time for all that. Repent, don't own anything and generally stick to the old Commandments."

AH: "Sounds fair enough. I'm in."

HB: "Right. In you go. Next! Name?"

MG: "Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi."

HB: "Do you seek forgiveness for your sins and believe in the Lawd and Saviour Jesus Christ?"

MG: "Nope."

HB: "Fiery misery for you, then, mate."

MG: "But I'm the pioneer of Satyagraha—a philosophy that is largely concerned with truth and 'resistance to evil through active, non-violent resistance'—which led India to independence and inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world."

HB: "Big deal. Pray to the Lawd or burn."

MG: "God is Truth and Truth is God. I seek to become closer to my god by means of spiritual and practical puri... AGGHHHH!!!"

Ghandi is suddenly consumed by the fire of Eternal Damnation...

Tim's (Very Silly) Reason's For God cont...

2008-04-28T07:50:00.002Z

OK so Tim steps up to Rung 2 (you realise it takes more faith to disbelieve than to believe). He starts with the old: the probability of life existing is so small that it is ridiculous to suggest it just happened by chance. He makes an analogy with a poker player getting hand after hand of straight aces and suggests any normal person would 'slug the guy' for cheating.

This goes back to what I was saying in an earlier post - religion likes to appeal to 'common sense'. 'Everybody knows' if someone got 23 consecutive poker hands of straight aces they'd be cheating.

The problem is, nobody really knows what the odds for life-creation are. Nobody really knows what the Universe is, how big it is, how it got here, if there was anything before it or if there will be anything after it. Tim has already said his god exists outside the Universe. Mate, it's hard enough dealing with shit inside this Universe, if you're going to start looking outside it you can forget concepts such as probability.

How could you look at nature and say there's something wrong with it? To believe in human rights is to say everything else in nature is wrong.

Nope.

Tim's trying to say humans aren't like the rest of nature. Because we act against the 'survival of the fittest' principle.

No we don't. Those who think we do don't understand the principle. My evidence: 9 BILLION people by 2050. Why? - because we look after each other, use our intelligence and work in social groups to create systems by which we are THE fittest primate species on this planet, right now.

We're not the only species to work in this way, either. It's just we have the intelligence to really exploit it.

If there is a God, human rights make sense. If there is no God, human rights don't make sense.

Oh.... sigh... groan... fuck me... I hate these halfwits... make them stop... please make them stop...

Human rights makes perfect sense to me. But perhaps that's because I've spent more than 13 seconds thinking about it. Christians have burnt people, tortured people, eaten their heathen babies, stuck them on spikes, you name it, Christians have done it to their fellow humans.

Meanwhile, human societies have developed. In general, the wealthier a nation is, the more able it is to protect its citizens and the more able those citizens are to demand protection. Some wealthy countries, like the USA, let those protections slip (Unsubscribe-me.org). It's not fullproof. But, in general...

Is this so hard to understand?

Tim seems to be saying we need to explain the existence of human rights and the best way to explain them is by saying God exists.

No, Tim. Human rights exist because humans exist.

Belief in God makes more sense of life, right?

Yes, that a god would create a bunch of beings even though he didn't need them and knowing they would go bad he set up some deal where he would sacrifice himself to himself and then if those creatures believed that he had they would exist in Happy Forever while the creatures who didn't would live in Unhappy Forever.

Yes, Tim, that really makes my life make sense.

And that's about it in terms of the 'reasons' for God. The third rung is all about commitment. Now that you realise it takes less faith to believe in God than to reject him, you have to invest in your belief... blah blah blah.

So, to sum up, the reasons to believe in a god are... I think I'll break these down into 3 rungs:

rung 1) because otherwise you have to think properly about things. If you just believe 'God done it' then that explains everything without you having to think at all.

rung 2) now that you've stopped thinking, you're stupid enough to go out an buy Tim's book and make him very wealthy indeed.

rung 3) ...

2... 1... and you're back in the room!