tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10971908.post-1119274567806756282005-06-20T07:55:00.000-05:002005-06-20T12:03:22.020-05:00Just returned from Roberta's place, where I checked on her cat. She (Roberta, not the cat) is out in Vegas with her boyfriend, visiting his parents. Seeing all of Roberta's photos, etc. memorializing her relationship with Jim only made me feel worse, like what she has is unattainable for me.<br /><br />I need to get over this. Self-pity is so unattractive, especially at Christmas and in someone who's led such a fortunate life, with so many blessings. And who's not even really alone—I'll be surrounded by family this afternoon, with an abundance of food and gifts, and I could have found company for last night, if I'd been so inclined.<br /><br />I do, however, want to give myself the Christmas present of a week off from this mission. More than three months have passed since I began this, and it's taking a toll. It's hard to take a break, though, when I'm in the midst of things with a few guys. Tim, for instance, is allegedly calling early next week, when he returns from Florida. Chris from EH also has my number, although I've heard nothing from him since I asked if he has profile somewhere I could see. And Joe could even call (yeah, right). And, assuming Joe doesn't call, I want to email him and ask what gives, why the sudden change in course. I guess that could wait until the new year, while I go into neutral for a few days.<br /><br />Well, I'm going to try to take some type of break. Maggie will be in town in a couple days, and there's plenty going on over the next week to keep me busy, culminating in my plans for New Year's Even with some friends. Honestly, though, I'm already thinking about skipping out on those. New Year's Eve is so couple-oriented, and I've never been a fan of the forced revelry. Of course, in the past, I've always had a party on New Year's Day to divert my energies to, and I don't think I will this year. We'll see. I don't have to make any decisions on that now. Now, I just have to get over my bad self and enjoy Christmas Day. Or at least the food. Seriously, though, I'm lucky in that I've always been easily distracted from demoralizing thoughts by the company of others, so I should be able to push all this foolishness from my mind this afternoon.Bemusednoreply@blogger.com