Forgiveness News

Quote from Mahatma Ghandi

2008-01-30T19:21:00.000-08:00

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

More news of forgiveness

2007-03-10T21:31:00.000-08:00

Nearly every day I hear more of benefits of forgiveness.
Men and women forgiving their parents thus ending the barriers which were standing in the way of them expressing their appreciation and love for each other.
People discovering that Forgiveness is the key to success in career, health, relationship and the achievement of any goal.
And those who are able to experience much more joy and vitality as they forgive and release themselves from the binds of any bitterness, hatred or other past hurts that they had harbored.

More forgiveness

2005-12-27T02:12:00.000-08:00

I have been focussed on other projects, and have learned a few lessons along the way. I see even more clearly how important forgiveness is.
Taking on a new project, I made many mistakes. The leaders and other participants did too.
Having a forgiving attitude, we were all able to enjoy learning from the experience.
Even though the main project was challenging, new and exciting, it was not as deeply satisfying for me as writing about forgiveness.

Forgiving

2005-10-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

I felt joyful, peaceful and amazed as I stood on the beach looking out over the bay at sunrise.
Words do not seem to be able to express how wonderful I felt.
As I enjoyed the natural surroundings, I thought about how life could possibly be if I was able to fully forgive.
I imagined being able to enjoy everybody just as they are, doing what they do without me wanting to change anything.
I left that joy for a while as I thought about the way I often experience people. Words like "he shouldn't shout so loudly", "she needs to take her own responsibility" and "I wish he wouldn't spend so much time playing playstation games" came to mind. I did not feel that peace and joy as I thought those words.
I then looked at the sky. Even though some of the clouds were dark, I loved the experienc of looking at the sky just as it is.
I will forgive more.

Forgiveness is freedom.

2005-10-01T03:01:00.000-07:00

Many people believe that forgiveness is like telling the person who caused harm that "it is OK".
That is why a lot of people are uninterested in forgiveness.
I believe that forgiveness is giving up the desire for revenge.
I see forgiveness as the act of moving away from playing the powerless role of victim.
To be consistent with that belief, I regularly do "forgiveness exercises".
I read about forgiveness. I spend time with people who forgive.
As I do this, I am less restricted by what happened in the past. I am more free to enjoy the present and create a new future.
I also write about forgiveness. I am inspired by what I hear and read in reply to what I write.

Being around people who have a forgiving attitude

2005-08-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about how much I enjoy being around people who are willing to forgive.
Not only do I feel warm experiencing their forgiving attitude. I am also inspired by their willingness to forgive past hurts and grievances.
I see more possibilities for now and for the future as I hear them more focused on the present than the past.
They are more able to create a great future instead of wasting time and energy on expecting their past to be different from the way it was.
Great!
But am I being as forgiving as them?
Some times yes, and other times no.
I am committed to being more forgiving, and am grateful not only for the inspiring examples of forgiving.
I am also thankful for those less forgiving who serve as a warning for me.
Some of them provide opportunities for me to make a difference in their lives by their being open to considering the possibility of forgiveness.

More than forgiveness.

2005-06-23T16:06:00.000-07:00

Yes there are many more aspects to life than just forgiveness However I regard forgiveness as extremely valuable. Especially as I learn new aspects of forgiveness, and discover where I could forgive more in my own life.
I love hearing people share their experiences of forgiveness. I enjoy the times they speak about healing of their relationships.
I acknowledge those who have the generosity and humility to do whatever it takes to end the resentments and pain.
I am inspired by those who can even go beyond that and be grateful for the strength and wisdom that they have gained.
While gratitude, appreciation and acknowledgement may be more than just forgiveness, they are often closely connected.

Taking a few minutes to forgive.

2005-06-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

My friend was having difficulty in her relationship. Again!
This time I took a few minutes to forgive her instead of immediately responding to her request for assistance. I am glad that I did. With a more forgiving attitude, I was more able to be with her in her time of need instead of being distracted by my own concerns.
It seems likely that those few minutes of forgiving made my time much more enjoyable and productive.
Maybe there are other times that I could spend a few minutes forgiving before rushing off and just doing tasks.

Encouraging a friend to Forgive

2005-06-19T15:27:00.000-07:00

My friend has so often resented the way his mother brought him up.
I recently acknowledged him for his emotional maturity, and the way he has gained such strength from his childhood experience.
He gratefully accepted my acknowledgement, wholeheartedly thanking me.
I love being able to contribute more in this way since having forgiven my own mother for the pain that I felt in my own childhood, and become grateful for the strengths I have gained from the experience.

"I forgive you"

2005-05-30T14:53:00.000-07:00

I was assisting my boss installing a plasma television on a wall bracket in a customer's house.
He recommended that I drill out the mounting holes in the bracket so the bolts could be put in easily.
I only drilled out two of the holes, and as a result we could not fit all four bolts. I apologized, and he said "I forgive you".
I felt pleasantly surprised. I was grateful for his generosity in accepting my apology and holding no resentment. I felt relieved to discover that the matter was now complete. I had learned from my mistake, and he had moved on to the next task.
He has inspired me by his example saying "I forgive you" in a way that shows he really means it.

The power of forgiveness

2005-05-14T04:42:00.000-07:00

I often hear people speak of the need to punish offenders. Yet I often wonder what purpose punishment really serves. I know for example that if a person steals something from me, I am likely to feel angry, and want to strike back at that person. However such violence does not seem to bring me peace. It rarely resolves anything, and I do not really get deep satisfaction from seeing him be punished. I do have a desire to see the person caught and confronted regarding the impact of what he did, and would like him to not offend again. By forgiving, I can let go of my anger and my desire to punish. It frees me to think about ways to make a difference, possibly reducing the likelihood of more offences.
I probably also would benefit for forgiving myself for my part in having had the offence happen. I am more likely to find useful answers to questions such as "why did I not arrange better security" if I forgive.
See also http://peterpullar.com/overcomming_violence.htm

Forgiveness and communication

2005-05-12T04:08:00.000-07:00

My friend invited me to the guest evening at the end of the communication course that she was attending. I heard several participants share about the results they had already got from communicating with people in their lives. When the word "forgiveness" was mentioned, I listened in anticipation of hearing something new. The leader suggested that to forgive is to give as before. I immediately saw how I sometimes allow things which happened in the past stand in the way of my communication. Whenever I am unwilling to fully forgive, I do to some extent communicate resentment, judgment, hurt, disappointment or anger. No matter what I say to that person who I have not fully forgiven, he or she is still likely to sense that something is missing from my communication.
If I do forgive, I am able to be in the present moment instead of being stuck in the past. New conversations are then possible. We can communicate more freely.

Forgive and forget?

2005-05-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

My friend said that the forgetting is more important than the forgiving. I immediately thought of Suzie and Otto's article "Forgive and Forget? We Don't Think So!".
I asked my friend if he meant dealing with the emotions that I feel about what happened in the past. I said we don't forget what happened, yet we can change our emotional response to those times we recall what happened in the past.
As I thought about that conversation, it occurred to me that the intellectual exercise of forgiving is nowhere near as powerful as forgiving also from the heart.

Forgiving debts

2005-05-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

After considering this subject for many months, it seems to me that there are at least two parties involved in each transaction. So often I hear of lenders accusing borrowers of not being responsible, yet not being responsible themselves for their own part in the transaction. A lender's responsibility includes managing his own risk. Blaming another person, I believe, is not being responsible.
Often there is more opportunity for both borrowers and lenders to learn if they are willing to forgive each other for their part in any problems that arise in the transaction. We all make mistakes. There will always be at least some errors of judgment. We may overlook some important details. I believe there is much more value in learning from our mistakes than there is in blaming others or ourselves for the time things do not turn out as expected.

I like forgiving people

2005-04-28T16:15:00.000-07:00

Not only do I enjoy being around people who forgive. I also enjoy forgiving.
I find those people who are willing to accept the realities of life without holding grudges, resentments, hurt and anger to be such a joy to be around.
If they are facing difficult challenges in their lives, I find their ability to forgive an inspiration.
I see opportunities for me to learn to more willingly accept the difficulties that I face in my own life.
As I learn, I am more able to appreciate life and to contribute to others in their time of need.

Forgiving our parents.

2005-04-25T14:06:00.000-07:00

As I look back at my own childhood years I remember times I visited the homes of my friends. I usually thought "I would love to live in this family instead of living with my own parents." I even preferred boarding school and did not look forward to the holidays. I now know my mother was doing her very best to be a good parent. My father, as he said, considered that my mother was doing more than enough for both parents, and chose to be less involved in parenting. As I have learned more about my parents' beliefs and values, I can more easily forgive them for the way they raised me. As I forgive them, I can more and more appreciate and be grateful for the strengths I have gained from my childhood. With this gratitude, I can enjoy life and contribute more to others.

Forgiveness improves the quality of relationships.

2005-04-10T03:08:00.000-07:00

When I entered their house I felt uneasy as I sensed the disharmony. Even though the man and his wife warmly greeted me and welcomed me into their home, I could sense that all was not well between them. They were not communicating with each other. He was complaining to me about women in general. I don't think he has forgiven his mother! He certainly was not forgiving his wife for not meeting his expectations of her. I believe that she also was very unwilling to forgive him. I sensed her anger and frustration, though she did not tell me her grievances. I much preferred visiting other houses, where I experienced people being more forgiving of themselves and of each other. They are able to communicate much more effectively, and are more willing to grow and learn from each other. .

When we forgive, we feel more alive

2005-04-07T10:55:00.000-07:00

There are times when I feel angry and hurt about what somebody did to me.
There are times when I feel disappointed or guilty about what I have done.
I do not feel so alive when I feel those feelings continuously for a long period of time.
I feel more alive when I feel a variety of different feelings.
I may feel happy. I may feel sad for a little while. I could feel scared at times, or feel excited.
I can move on from the anger and hurt by forgiving that somebody.
I can end that disappointment and guilt by forgiving myself.
Then after forgiving I can feel the greatest happiness, joy, love and excitement.

Letter about forgiveness

2005-03-27T19:06:00.000-08:00

Our modern psychology places so much emphasis on the nurturing capabilities of parents and the effects on the child's psyche. I do feel that this is extraordinarily narrow thinking since significant others in a child's life include siblings, grandparents and other rellies, day carers and teachers.
Additional to these relationship experiences is the relationship of the child with the community.
My personal process in my life journey has now reached the stage of coming to terms with my childhood experience of covert exclusion from community. There will no doubt be quite some forgiveness work to be explored here.
I've been reminded recently that a wounding experience in childhood often leads an adult life of exceptional motivation to both heal that wound within self and assist others of similar experience to do so as well. And so, I've spent a lot of years now working on woundings at a personal level and very involved in activities that encourage cohesive joyful loving community.
But how to complete the forgiveness process when the exclusion I experienced as a child was a result of the religious prejudices of a highly conservative community directed against my parents? I just "happened" to be tarred with the same brush by birth.
Claiming the feelings of shame and loneliness as a child is my pathway of healing. I also see that I am able to better understand the pressures that my parents experienced, and how this has impacted on their capacity and ability to nurture their children.
So it seems very important to me now that we explore our childhood experiences within the context of the tone of the community in which we were raised.
I'd appreciate hearing others' experiences of community in childhood and how this has shaped their lives.
Please do share this email with the forgiveness network.
Warm regards
Ilyhana

Forgiveness

2005-03-24T03:31:00.000-08:00

I enjoy reading about forgiveness. I love hearing people tell me what benefit they have obtained from forgiving. Sometimes I spend time being a spectator instead of forgiving people in my own life and getting the benefits for myself. There are still people who I could forgive. I could also be more forgiving of myself

Friendship and forgiveness go hand in hand.

2005-03-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

Friendship with oneself is all important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else in the world. If I can't forgive myself, I can't fully forgive others and I can't truly be a friend.

When to forgive

2005-03-19T13:09:00.001-08:00

I live a busy life. There are so many things to do that I have to leave many actions that I want to take until another day. I am learning which tasks can be left undone, and which ones need to be done immediately. Sometimes I learn the hard way. I did not feel like forgiving him - especially after what he had done to me and my family. I did not want to hear from him ever again. I hated him. Then I got a phone call from a friend. I was shocked when she told me that he had died. I did not expect to feel that way. I would have expected to be glad. I still hated what he did, but I wished that he hadn't died. What had I been doing all those years? I had been thinking hateful thoughts about him in my mind. It had been costing me my energy, vitality and peace of mind. What could I have I done different? I could have forgiven him and used my mind more productively. While he was still alive, I could have let him know how his actions impacted on my family and me. I don't know if that would have made a difference though it would be better than just thinking in my own mind. I have learned to give forgiveness a higher priority in my life.

Forgiveness is one of the steps of the 12 step recovery program.

2005-03-15T06:10:00.000-08:00

There are other steps to be taken first before getting to the step of forgiveness.With most cases of addiction, both the person with the addiction and those affected - family, friends and workmates - need to take the same steps. Forgiving does not mean condoning destructive behavior or allowing abuse to continue. Forgiving does include letting go of past hurts and resentments. Forgiving allows us to be able to move on to a better outcome much more quickly and easily. It is an action that you can take yourself any time. You can forgive yourself. You can forgive the other person. When I find forgiving myself difficult (which happens often for me) I usually find that I am blaming myself for what happened instead of taking responsibility for doing something about it. Blaming rarely produces desired outcomes, love or affinity. When I stop blaming, I can then forgive.

Forgiving makes being with "difficult people" enjoyable.

2005-03-13T17:49:00.000-08:00

Some of my friends have at times complained that certain people are difficult to be with. One of my friends began to do some forgiveness exercises. The following week she was happy to report that she was no longer finding her boss difficult to be with. I had also been practicing a forgiveness process myself, and have also noticed that I no longer have much difficulty being with those people I was previously finding frustrating to be with. I feel relieved, knowing that I do not have to change these people to make them enjoyable to be with. I simply need to make my own changes in the way I think of these people. By accepting, appreciating and forgiving them, I can enjoy the times I am with them.

Thanks for forgiveness

2005-03-12T19:11:00.000-08:00

Many friends have shared their experiences of forgiveness with me. I have published much of what my friends are willing to have published. I have also written about my own experiences of forgiving, and enjoy the feedback that I receive. The thanks for the enjoyable articles. Emails about articles that have been helpful. People sharing about what they have learned or been inspired to forgive. And additional emails about forgiveness that I can post on the web. As I read that feedback, I believe even more strongly that sharing forgiveness is a worthwhile pursuit.