just me

The end of the year

2009-12-27T12:48:00.003+08:00

X'mas gathering was... fun I guess.

OK fine it could have been better. Poor last minute planning on my part.

Played Rock Band at Eugene's place with him and Mikel. Lol made me realize just how horrendous my singing is. x.x

My mind's a blank. Can't think of what else to blog now. =S

COMMISSION LOH. MERRY X'MAS

2009-12-26T02:43:00.002+08:00

After a looooong period of inactivity...

I think it's about time to wake this blog up.

Thanks to my new job, I guess I can spend a couple of minutes each evening reflecting on my blog, once again. Need to get back this habit I lost.

I guess most people won't be visiting this blog anymore, but I guess this means lower activity watching my posts. Anyway, who needs to when there is something called Facebook? =)

Leaving my days behind.

2009-12-06T16:25:00.003+08:00

1 week down. 2 more to go. 5 days to ACPC. Countless (but not unlimited) parade rehearsals to go... just for one commissioning parade on the 19th of Decemeber.

Currently alone in the house, on my new com and listening to music. My laptop sits to my left, active with a blackened screen. I look at it... sigh how much it has come through with me, since the start of Year 6 till graduation and throughout my days in OCS. And now, it'll soon be handed over to my sis full time where hopefully she can use it for school - though she still insists she wants to use her desktop when she's at hostel. Guess it's cos she's used to it already.

Time flies. One more year to ORD.

One full year as an officer.

No, wrong. A lifetime as an officer (don't forget reservist).

And I look into myself; am I ready?

Perhaps I am, except that I lack the self-confidence?

Regardless, I know one thing's for certain: my days as a trainee are no more.

Despite the grueling parade rehearsals, stiffling and boring formalities, and many other sian moments in camp, I'll have to savour what's left of my days in OCS... because they won't come back - UNLESS I RECOURSE *shudders*.

Nah. Won't let that happen. It's do or die now.

2009-11-28T03:41:00.001+08:00

Woohoo new com. Yay. =)

2009-11-26T20:42:00.001+08:00

Into the final rundown, gents. Three weeks to go... and the hell would be over.

Or is this the beginning of the end of days as a care-free trainee?

4 weeks left

2009-11-22T14:32:00.001+08:00

34 down. 4 to go.

Time flies really fast.

And I hope it flies even faster after I commission.

I can't wait. What an exciting december. x)

Not dead.

2009-11-15T02:24:00.001+08:00

This post is just to let people know that I am still maintaining this blog and that it is not dead - yet. I simply didn't bother to write blogposts regularly since I left for Taiwan, that's all.

Countdown... 5 weeks left to commissioning.

In the blink of an eye

2009-10-07T21:57:00.002+08:00

Been a while since I last blogged.. these days I hardly spared the thought to maintain this blog. Maybe because I've too many other distractions? Or maybe because there's too little incentive to come back here and write a short post...

Time has really flown. I'm flying off to Taiwan end of this week for Ex Starlight. Now that I think of it, it only feels like yesterday that I just completed JCC... where did all the weeks go, really.

Still worried about OOC-ing. My PC demands high standards, and my biggest worry... is that I will not be good enough to meet them. Regardless, that won't stop me trying my best..

Ahhh!

2009-09-20T23:23:00.003+08:00

One of my cousins just got married. Attended his solemnization ceremony at Sentosa earlier this evening.

13 weeks left to commissioning... hopefully I'll pull through this.

SO MUCH HOMEWORK.

Patience is the key. Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.

Countdown

2009-09-13T00:19:00.002+08:00

Today (or yesterday, rather), I booked out at night. Was an usher for 74/08 batch's commissioning parade... It must really feel damn good to finally commission after 38 weeks of training.

And now that 75/09 batch is the most senior batch, my countdown to commissioning begins. 3 months to go...

Just pray that I don't OOC.

Internship

2009-09-08T16:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes training takes a short break - this time is one such example.

Shall just make a couple of short comments on this post.

Did Saturday CDS duty last weekend. Did it with Chan.. was quite enjoyable actually - apart from the assignment. =(

This week is internship week, so tempo is slightly slower. No, actually a lot slower, because the pace in the unit is like so much more relaxed than in OCS (except for outfields).

So far, I would say that this internship has been a real eye-opener to what unit life is like. Though it isn't exactly well-planned, and there were lots of gaps in between activities, at least we managed to get some takeaways from this experience... talking to the PCs, PSs, and SCs was also very useful.

I should be writing down a set of personal reflections for this internship package, but the bo-chap side of me is just telling me not to bother. Besides, what's most important is the experience and knowledge you take home after this one-week attachment, not what you pen down on paper to show your instructors. What's the point in writing a page of crap for submission when you didn't actually learn anything? That is, of course, if one CHOOSES not to learn anything. -.-

Anyway, shall end it here. Charlie-Hotel batch commissioning this Saturday. How nice...

... and Delta is pulled in to "help out". There goes my Saturday - again.

2009-09-02T15:00:00.002+08:00

Booking in tonight at 2130. This week's gonna be a short week in camp before I book out again. Must find something interesting to do this weekend... apart from re-packing my FBO items.

Sometimes, effort alone is not enough. Perhaps an element of luck is needed... and affinity maybe? Nonetheless, it's tedious work. But if I don't try, I will never know, right?

Next week, internship begins. Hopefully I won't get put into a Guards unit. >.>

2009-08-31T00:21:00.002+08:00

JCC upon my chest.
Show them we are the best.

Brunei's finally over and behind me. Thank God.

What next... ROC!

And after ROC would be CSB and SumEx and then it'll be joint term!

Wow time will certainly fly.

I just hope that I will be ready for the final day...

I'm gone.

2009-08-09T18:16:00.003+08:00

And that's the thing about working in the armed forces. At the end of the day, when you return home, no one's gonna come to you and pat you on the back and say "Thank you for defending the nation, my boy!" When you go leave the camp, no one will be able to fully appreciate the amount of sweat you've shed over training. It doesn't work that way.

6 hours countdown... going to my granny's house to have dinner, before heading to the airport.

... be back on 30 Aug.

I will leave here

2009-08-09T13:10:00.002+08:00

Less than 12 hours to go...

I hope I will not be missed.

30 Aug... here I come.

No wait, what the hell am I saying?

JCC badge, here I come. x)

Gonna make it happen

2009-08-08T22:56:00.003+08:00

Slightly more than 24 hours left... maybe I should start meditating for the rest of the time before I fly off.

Random note: I FINALLY MASTERED HOLIDAY ISLAND. =D

Maybe I should start planning my strategy for JCC.. so that I won't screw up in Brunei. I just hope that I don't have to do a CPT Sherwayn... >.>

Yesterday was fun. Can't believe that it has been our 2nd year anniversary. =D

2.5 days left and counting...

2009-08-07T14:49:00.001+08:00

DAUGHTRY - LEARN MY LESSON

Tonight the sunset means so much
The one thing that you know you never touch
Like the feeling, the real thing
I reach out for the sweet dream
But somehow the darkness wakes me up
Well I felt this emptiness before
But all the times that I've been broken
I still run right back for more

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike that match
You're bound to feel the flame
You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
And paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Well it turns out
I haven't learned a thing

Oh yeah

Sometimes I think I'm better off
To turn out the lights and close up shop
Didn't give up the longing, believing
And belonging
Just hold down my head and take the lost

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike that match
You're bound to feel the flame
You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
And paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Well it turns out
I haven't learned a thing

You'd think that I'd learn my lesson by now
You'd think that I'd somehow figure out
That if you strike that match
You're bound to feel the flame
You'd think that I'd learn the cost of love
And paid that price long enough
But still I drive myself right through the pain
Yeah, well it turns out
I haven't learned a thing

I haven't learned a thing
I haven't learned, haven't learned
I haven't learned a thing

Currently blogging and surfing net from Bishan Commmunity Library. There's some work going on with the electrical circuitry at my HDB block, so all power was cut in my home. Tried to spend some time reading my Warhammer 40000 novels, but got bored of it, so I packed up my laptop and headed out of the house. Took a bus to J8, where I bought some toiletries for Brunei and had my lunch before settling down in the library. Got to go soon... have to get to Vivo by 6pm.

Ahh well. Time is ticking. If only it could travel more slowly...

If there's one thing I learnt, a relationship is possible only if both sides are willing and able. Otherwise, there's nothing left to be said.

Looking in the past...

2009-08-07T00:23:00.002+08:00

Was just reading my old posts in Dec 2006. And I was reading about council, the blood, sweat and tears that we, the pioneer batch of NUSHS, have shed for to build something from scratch, in the joyful hope that one day we would be able to create a legacy for the juniors to continue building upon, something worth remembering and lasting through the annals of time...

But apparently, my four years of service were all but an illusion.

If the pioneer batch of councillors ever came back to NUSHS together to look at the current state of our student leaders, I doubt they would want to associate themselves with the current council at all.

So much hope we have had. So much effort we have spent over our entire school term deliberating, brainstorming, troubleshooting, and building the vision-mission of our council, the structure of our council, jobscopes, committees, projects, knowledge base, resource base, logistics, systems, and to some extent, tradition and culture (remember how the student leaders had to go through a gruelling SL camp in 2005? Those were the days man.)

As I continued to read those posts, I couldn't help but laugh at myself - the passion, the determination, the child-like faith... that our words and actions in every meeting, every camp, every project, will go a long way to building a council that we so desire, be it directly or indirectly. Especially during that fine year of 2006, I could feel the council going strong, under the leadership of Ying Zhen and her exco - back then I stepped down from VP and sunk into a relatively low-profile position in the now defunct Internal Affairs committee. It was during that period where the pioneer batch struggled to find it's stand among school matters, which was not made any easier with people like Png around. =S

Even after that year, when Reico took over as President and the exco dynamics threatened to fall apart (I see the resemblance to my situation back in '05), council still went on pretty OK. We were slow in rectifying certain long-lasting problems, sure, but we were trying, and we never stopped. Because of the experience of the pioneer batch of councilors, we were able to learn from our mistakes and made sure that we did not repeat them in our subsequent decisions to make our school council a better student leader body, in contrast to the relatively young PSL Board.

But after we've come so far... what is there left of our work?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

The legacy and imprint that we pioneers hope we have left for our future generations... were all erased as simply as that. Four years of hard work, overlooked and forgotten in an instant the moment we stepped out of the school compound as graduants. It's almost as if the administration were waiting for us to leave before taking matters into their own hands. Nothing ventured. Nothing gained. Everything collapsed back into square one, and restarting with a new batch of students who are going to repeat the same mistakes again.

I looked back at my work, and can't help but cry. All the things I've done to try setting a standard in the council: The content for orientation games, recruitment process, frameworks, templates, council camps, jobscope for my own committee, and all the little things... I see nothing left that barely resembles my footprint. Essentially, there's nothing that I have done that has left an impact in my juniors at a council level. I would say that the same goes for most of the other pioneer batch councilors, and the pain is felt hardest by those who have contributed the most... especially Ying Zhen.

Sometimes life is just that cruel.

I once had a dream of returning to NUSHS one day to help out the school in any means possible: as a teacher teaching chemistry or biology, as a House master of Fleming, as a professional speaker to train future generations of Gavellians, as a senior advisory to the council/student leader body, to organize and facilitate student leader camps for the councilors, as an alumni planning all sorts of neat stuff together with the school to make student life more exciting, etc... But now, all that willpower is fading away...

Am I disillusioned?

Calm before the storm

2009-08-07T00:10:00.001+08:00

A long book out... before I head into the storm.

3 more days. Counting down...

Oh no

2009-08-01T11:56:00.002+08:00

1 more week till I fly off to Brunei...

Sheesh.

At least now I'm more confident of my abilities. Though truthfully speaking, I am still doubtful as to whether I can pass JCC.

But... surely there must have been a reason why I've been put in infantry. Not signals, or armour, or even combat engineer. There must be.

I can do it. >.<

In the early morning rain.
In the early morning rain.
In the early morning ra-eh-eh-eh-in.
In the early morning rain.

Saw a letter in the mail
Go to war or go to jail.
Saw a letter in the ma-eh-eh-eh-ail
Go to war or go to jail.

Mama don't you cry
Little boy is gonna die.
Mama don't you cry-ai-ai-ai-ai
Little boy is gonna die.

Saw a ranger up the hill
Lock and load and ready to kill.
Saw a ranger up the hill-ill-ill-ill-ill
Lock and load and ready to kill.

Really nervous.

2009-07-26T16:43:00.003+08:00

Daughtry - Every Time You Turn Around

I've been me, I've been following my dreams
Trying to find the scene where you believed me
I've been true, I've been waiting here for you
I've been patient, understanding, and believing

(Every time you turn around)

I know you're standing there
Waiting for me to take it on back down the other road, baby
But I won't let you down
I know you're standing there
Waiting for me to take it on back down the other road, baby
But I won't let you down
Every time you turn around

I've been good, I've been doing what I should
Working hard to make a world that we can live in
I've been strong, I've been holding out so long
And don't you forget that you're forgiven

I know you're standing there
Waiting for me to take it on back down the other road, baby
But I won't let you down
I know you're standing there
Waiting for me to take it on back down the other road, baby
But I won't let you down
Every time you turn around

All the reasons you believe what you believe
Never seeing that the truth is part of me
When all I want to do is show you what it really means to love
What it really means to love

I know you're standing there
Waiting for me to take it on back down the other road, baby
But I won't let you down
I know you're standing there
Waiting for me to take it on back down the other road, baby
But I won't let you down
Every time you turn around

*****************

I can't describe my nervousness for the trip to Brunei, from 10 Aug to 31 Aug. The training alone is already wrecking my nerves, and I bet the experience in the Brunei jungle is going to be far worse. Argh..

But I guess it is this sort of training that makes the men of the infantry rough and tough. =)

Tennessee Line

2009-07-15T16:56:00.002+08:00

DAUGHTRY - TENNESSEE LINE

Open my lungs
To breathe in forgiveness and love
Haunting me now
Reminders of how I used to be
On down the road
The troubles sure to follow
Looking out the window
Hell, I know where I will go
So I'll just keep on driving

On my way to LA
Looking into the rear-view
As the roads fade away
I swore off my past
The first and last bad call
That I ever made
Tell me how to make right
Every wrong turn that I've learned
That this could all end tonight
Tennessee Line
Just changed my mind
Well it's my heart I'll follow this time

Who would've known
The brightest is hard to swallow
As I rest on the shoulder of a road growing colder
With the trouble I own
Should I just keep on driving?

On my way to LA
Looking into the rear-view
As the roads fade away
I swore off my past
The first and last bad call
That I ever made
Tell me how to make right
Every wrong turn that I've learned
That this could all end tonight
Tennessee Line
Just changed my mind
Well it's my heart I'll follow this time

I know I must be doing something wrong
Head the other way back to where I started out
Ask myself if I can turn it all around tonight
And stop living with doubt
Yeah

On my way to LA
Looking into the rear-view
As the roads fade away
I swore off my past
The first and last bad call
That I ever made
Tell me how to make right
Every wrong turn that I've learned
That this could all end tonight
Tennessee Line
Just changed my mind
Well it's my heart I'll follow this time

I swore off my past
The first and last bad call
That I ever made
With this heart I'll follow this time
I swore off my past
The first and last bad call
That I ever made
Oh, I'll turn it all around tonight
Turn it all around tonight
Turn it all around tonight
I'm gonna turn it all around tonight
At the Tennessee line

***************

Booking in today at 2130, yet I still found myself some time to go have lunch at cathay with a friend. Had ice-cream, walked around a bit at PS and played at the arcade. Today was the first time I (or rather, we) hit a 400-point scoreline for arcade basketball. Haha yay. =D

I don't know. This feels different... unlike the past occasions. It feels... just right. Maybe I'll just have to trust my gut more this time.

Block Leave almost over

2009-07-14T18:55:00.002+08:00

So block leave is coming to a close, and the reality of JCC prep is coming round the corner really fast... I'm nervous (as always).

Yet, I see a glimmer of exciting adventure, not just in training, but beyond that.

There's so much worth exploring... if only I had made the first step.

Upgraded Template

2009-07-13T14:31:00.002+08:00

OK so I finally got down to upgrading this blog's template and fixing on those widgets - and AdSense (makes me really wonder how much money this thing can make anyway). I guess this blog's going to grow out of what it used to be.

It makes me wonder who still reads this blog anyway, since I'm no longer posting as regularly as I used to. Hmm.

2009-07-13T09:50:00.002+08:00

More than half of block leave is gone...

My knee is still aching after runs. Hope it's not serious.

... and Gary is seriously funny, though I must admit that he must have put in a lot of effort to getting to where he is now. (I wonder what magic he must have evoked to make someone go gaga over him within a few months. Haha kk just kidding)

Currently downloading utilities to tidy up my com, though I'll probably be not using it for a long while when I leave for Brunei, which is gonna be quite soon...

10 August... for 3 long weeks.

And after Brunei, there's another 3 weeks in Taiwan during October. And after that... commission.

Come to think of it, my instructors are right. This 21 weeks will be quite short indeed, if we were to break it down to blocks.

Anyway, I'll just take things as they come along... 16 weeks down. 22 more weeks to go. =)

Perhaps this is worth a shot. Things may not end with fairytale endings, but at least I'll try to make this a positive one at least.

I'm moving on...