Susan's Journey To Sound

My Nursing School Experience

2007-04-21T12:48:00.000-05:00

Unsure of how I would do in the classroom and clinical setting I chose to try a one year LPN program over the two year RN. Our local school with the RN program was very encouraging and said for all the limits my hearing might put on me there would be just as many blessing. (ie..understanding, compassion) At LPN orientation thing went upside down I was told that it was not going to work, me being hearing impaired, they did not believe I would make it through clinical. They acted as if they had no idea when they chose me that I had a disability. (Every letter of recommendation stated my impairment had shaped who I am and how it would make me a better nurse).

Long story--fast forward--cochlear implant--Nursing School at last!!

When I decided to do nursing school I knew hospital nurse was not my goal. I understand my limitations and would never want another persons health to be hindered because of something I missed auditorially. I knew that I would never work in critical care or a respiratory unit. I wanted to work in a office that had hearing impaired patients or for a cochlear implant manufacturer, as a rep and educator. I felt there would be many avenues for me to choose from once I got my license. So.. I made all my teachers aware of my situation, sat front row and most importantly made friends with the most serious students (usually the older ones). I did very well in the classroom, missing the questions my classmates would ask, was my biggest problem. This I solved by asking my teacher to paraphrase the question back with their answer. (ie.. Yes, Cimetidine is a H2 histamine antagonists). This was helpful to everyone not just me.

Clinical was a daily challenge and stressor. I truly hated it and thought about quiting often. I counseled with my teacher, she understood what my plans were and that this was the means to the end. She still made sure I experienced all that I needed to but I feel she also hand picked my assignments. She was always willing to go behind me and confirm what I thought I was hearing or anything I needed. I hate that as soon as I tell people about my ci, the focus of our meeting shifts. I would try to tell my patients, by the short version, that I was hearing impaired and if I missed something they said to please repeat. I use the technique of mirroring back in all areas of my life but it was extremely helpful in school and clinical. I also feel it was a liability insurance of sorts. I fear people using me and my hearing as a scapegoat, confirming what they said is good coverage.

I had a scary and embarrassing lesson in the GI Lab one day. When I get stressed my hearing seems to drop even more ( I guess it's really more of a brain reaction but - stress me and put me on the spot and it's as if my brain leaves the building).I was in observing a Bronchoscopy when the physician got a page. He told me to call a number which I thought I had heard correctly, but was not sure; and tell them he was doing an exam and would call them back. Well it was dark in the scope room plus everyone was masked - so I could not speech read. I felt panicked and stressed. I blindly made the call on a phone that was not amplified, I could not hear on it. Under the stress of it all I forgot the physicians name, stumbled on the pronunciation of Bronchoscopy (bronch-O-scope) and felt dumber than dirt. Later I started replaying the whole episode in my head and I was mortified by my actions. I will never bluff my way through something again, I will simply speak up and tell the truth. "I can't hear on every phone" - "I am sorry I didn't catch your name." I am hearing impaired, not stupid. Sometimes it feels so defeating to not be able to do what others take for granted.

I am so happy I stuck it out! I love my job and the people I get to share with and help. I don't know if I will bite off RN in the future or not. Today I am very pleased and proud of all I have done. Just returning to school after being out for 20+ years is a major task, doing it hearing impaired makes it even harder.

I have my dream job!

2007-04-14T17:01:00.000-05:00

I am working and loving it! I got a job as the allergy nurse at one of two doctors in our area who does cochlear implants. There is one that does pediatrics and one that does both, I work for the later. I do allergy testing and give allergy shots. When they have a ci candidate they often use me as their ci "show and tell".
I have met so many patients who are hearing impaired, have Meniere's disease or have a cochlear implant. I feel so called to be there. There was one day I was so tired and thinking - working just wasn't "all that". When the surgeon came to me and asked if i would speak with a new candidate. The patient and I talked; he was so happy and excited to have some hope. I felt so alive and blessed to be giving back.

It's been to long!

2007-02-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

Boy when I break a habit, I stop cold turkey. Sorry it's been so long sense I have posted. Let's catch up on what has been going on. I finished school, I am now a Licensed Practical Nurse. I am proud to say I was named valedictorian. I can't believe all the changes that have happened in my life thanks to my ci. Just a few years ago I was being told I would never make it through nursing school because of my hearing. I am just starting to look for a job, will keep you posted.

Nursing clinical

2006-01-28T07:51:00.000-05:00

Said it before - will say it again. THIS IS A VERY NOISE WORLD!! I am just finishing my first month of clinical, I have been doing hands on at a nursing home. Buzzers, beepers, ringers, high pitched sounds, all unrecognizable sounds to me. Cleaning machines, rolling, squeaking, dragging; walkers, carts, and wheel chairs; now we must add in quiet frail hushed voices, some quick spontaneous speech, oh and lets not forget the fire alarms (just a drill). Lord help me!

I have a wonderful instructor who seems to understand my apprehension and fear of missing sounds I need to hear. Localization is the hardest for me I have no idea where sounds are coming from. Well at least I hear them and know to go looking for what it is.

All my blessings this Thanksgiving

2005-11-26T08:16:00.000-05:00

I am still loving my implant. It has returned so much of my like to me. Situations that would have caused me much stress I now engage in with little to no thought. I started Nursing school in early October and am doing very well. Medical term are giving me a fit, some are so close in sound and spelling. It also appears that the medical field has an unspoken rule. (The simplest idea or concept must have no less than 7.4 words that could be used, depending on but not limited to, core body temperature, pupils and type of ambulation the patient is capable of... blah blah blah) Oh please it could even confuse a hearing person! LOL I am really enjoying being out in the real world with people who know little of my hearing history the one's that learn of it are shocked, saying they would never have known.
I have made a precious new friend that I believe has been brought to me by God himself. Her name is Pebbles and yes she is that cute. Her life lessons are speaking to me in many ways, so she is a great study partner on lessons of life and nursing. (Thanks Pebbles)
I must add a note about life outside of school. I MISS IT!!!! All I do is study, study and more studying. I have so many treasured friendships that have fallen to the side because of school. Please forgive me Dear Ones.
Katrina Note: Walter, Denise and James are back home in New Orleans, with very mixed emotions. It is home and they love that side of it but they say it is now so different. Their friends and loved one's are spread all over the country. The simple normalcy's of life are gone. Walter is working nonstop and being there is taking a toll on all of their health. Scott and Michelle are settling in well, they miss home but know it is best to be here, at least till after the baby is born.
It's time to hit the books again!!!

T-link or T-coil for phone

2005-08-05T07:29:00.000-05:00

I am in heaven!!!! My great audie has really hooked me up this time! (Susie, thank you so much for this latest find). I have been talking on the phone and doing ok but I have to use a head-set or speaker phone and then I have it so loud that everyone can hear my conversation. The weight of the head-set causes my ci hook to cut into my ear and that hurts. Well no more!! I now have a silhouette t-coil with mic that sends the voice right into my ear (head). I am still learning to hear and some people are harder that others, but with time I know I will be successful with all voice types.

Picture dates!%#@#@%&^^*^**

2005-08-04T18:27:00.000-05:00

For some strange reason the date on my camera got reset, they were all taken at the same time. Sorry for the confusion, and Beth "Half Runner" you look marvelous as do you Debbie "Mary Poppins" and Phyllis "Pochahonas".

2005-08-02T22:54:00.000-05:00

2005-08-02T22:51:00.000-05:00

I stepped on a sound!!!

2005-08-02T20:28:00.000-05:00

For many years, I have hiked to LeConte Lodge in the Great Smoky Mountains in near silence. Once I wore hearing aids and had a frightening experience with a jet that sounded like a bear to me. My aids had over-amplified an already loud and too close jet (I was at 6,593 feet altitude - the jet, at maybe 6,800 feet (way to close)). The aids did nothing to very little, in the way of helping me understand my hiking buddies. After that, I gave up on hearing my friends when we hike. Once we arrived at the lodge I could face them and speech read until night fall; the rest of the evening would resemble scenes from the "Blair Witch Project". (I would have to have a flashlight shining on their mouths).

Ok, I understood I was missing out on conversation but I had no idea I was missing so many wonderful sounds of nature. I did two hikes to the lodge this summer, one week apart. The first trip was with Mark, Matt, the Whites, a bunch of Matt's friends and Hurricane Dennis. Dennis showed up for the last leg of our hike, the steepest 2 miles of a five mile trip. The hike was rich with new sound experiences; birds, mountain streams and water run-offs. I loved being a part of the chit-chat in our group as well as descending hikers. When the rain started I suited up to protect my processor (hat and poncho)then I heard the rain "splatting" on the brim of my rain hat. It sounded so great and I was washed in memories of my childhood.

My next trip was with "the girls", Beth joined me for her first stay at the lodge. The sound that stood out to me the most, was the sound of my own steps. The stones under my boots, the squash of the earth & water under my feet, no matter where I stepped.... I just kept stepping on sounds! :~) It's amazing to me how much I forgot about sound and what makes it. There is a rock cliff where red squirrels come for handouts and I was able to hear their chatter! Evening at the lodge is rich with sound, from the noisy dining room, the roll sounds of the wooden rocking chairs, to the slam of the screen door and the squeak of the swing. I am delighting in all this familiar newness.

After our hike, Beth and I stayed a night in Cobbley Nob. The next morning I was up early on the porch reading, when I heard what sounded like a snake moving over the ground and to my surprise my ear was right!

Another trip to New Orleans

2005-07-08T13:23:00.000-05:00

I am still having so much fun hearing. I have the most wonderful big sister and brother-in-law, who open their home to me and the kids when ever we ask. This trip we brought along one of Matt's friends, Alex. The boys are so into their music and jazz that we had to show them the musical side of N.O. This gave me more practice with my ci and I have found the more distance I put between myself and the band the better. I am enjoying it a little more but still hoping for additional improvement.
Denise and I had the best time, talking and being girlfriends. We stayed up late whispering and telling secrets! There where a few times I was to soft for her to hear, the whole while I am hearing her beautifully. One night we were in the Quarters and stopped to see a street artist playing tunes on wine glasses. He played "When the Saints go marching in" and "Rocky Top" (for Alex our Vols fan!). Denise had to tell me what he was playing but I was able to hear the sounds even if I could not decipher the tune.

Star Wars

2005-05-19T21:25:00.000-05:00

We just attended an opening day showing of the new Star Wars movie. It was so good to hear it, there is a animal in it that sounded like a sick turkey to me, when I asked Mark what it sounded like to him, he said the same.
This past weekend we went to a lake cabin and I really enjoyed all the sounds of nature, mostly the night sounds. I heard a few different frogs, crickets and many birds, it was a wonderful time. We stayed outside way past dark and I could still hear to converse. I also bought some CD's of old radio shows, "I love a mystery" and family classics, which we listened to. I understood some and hope to listen to them more as a form of auditory training.
Today I went to Maryville to have lunch with a new friend who is on the road toward getting herself a cochlear implant. Laurie is so excited and it's been fun to remember myself at that stage. I pray she does as well or better than I have, I know she will. She took me to the neatest little place for lunch and then a great knitting shop. Thanks for a pleasant time Laurie.

Great weekend

2005-05-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I was in Nashville for the Country Music Marathon and had a great time. I discovered another really wonderful thing about being able to hear, you don't miss the elevators. Call me crazy but this has been so frustrating in the past. A few years ago, while in Atlanta, I was staying in a hotel that had lots of elevators. I think there was ten, five on each side of the hall. I of course could not hear the "ding" when the doors opened and was always turned in the wrong direction. Thanks to my ci I now know when the elevator arrives. I still have to search for which one it is, because I hear everything from the right, but that's ok. I am proud to say, I didn't miss a single elevator the whole weekend.
I was also very comfortable getting around, asking directions and staying in the room by myself. Before my ci I would have deadbolted myself in the room for fear of housekeeping coming in without me knowing. I did forget my alarm and was unable to get a wakeup call. When the processor is off I can't hear a thing, but boy I sleep good. Snore away - it's fine with me.

Now I must brag!! Beth and I started this venture back in Oct. Then, with the news of my approval for the implant I felt I would not have enough time to train and fund raise, so I dropped out. (Here comes the bragging part) Beth on the other hand, hit the ground running and has not stopped. She raised more than 1800.00 for the Leukemia Society, has lost over 55 pounds and finished her first half marathon. Way to go girl--We are all so proud of you!

Day 70

2005-04-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

70 days of sound! Still surprised by the things I am hearing. I went to my first not captioned movie, I went to see "A Lot Like Love" and I was able to hear most of it. I am having trouble with missing things because the processor does not recover fast enough after loud sounds cause the compression to kick in.

Today I have had a dull throb ear ache, nothing bad, I just feel a little off.
I watched "Ray" this evening and I enjoyed music for the first time. Music is one of the few things I have found I don't like through the ci. It just isn't very good, let's hope it gets better.
Oh! And the taste bud thing :o( NOTHING taste right. This is because they cut through one of the five taste bud nerves during surgery. I am shocked at how hard this part has been. Everyone told me I would get use to it. Well it's not happening for me. I am even gaining weight because of it! I just keep eating hoping that I will find something that taste normal. ;~) (Are you buying it?) Sound was, by all means, worth the deranged taste, it's just a part of my journey that I felt I should share. It is a blah taste, like you drank milk an hour ago. (I hate milk!) I still love my green tea and chi tea, things with lots of flavor taste best to me. Water with lime taste better to me than plain or lemon.

Life is good!!!

2005-04-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

I am loving my ci!!!! I have done so much and have had so many wonderful ci moments, this might take awhile. A few weeks ago I attended a two day class on advanced esthetics and it was so great to see some of my old classmates. The best part was how well I did keeping up with the lectures. We even watched an instructional video (which was not captioned) and I understood every word! There were a few times when people in the back of the room would ask questions that I could not understand but overall I did very well. With hearing aids I would not have understood as much, and I would have had a splitting headache by the middle of the day.

Soon after, me and the boys went to New Orleans for spring break and had the best time. We acted like tourist to experience as much as my ears could stand. We went fishing deep in the bayou, where I listen to all kinds of birds and the sun was so bright I believe I heard it too. (Thank you spf 30) We went to and had our own crawfish boil which is always fun, but this time I was listening to everything. From the kids exciting crawfish races to the gurgle of those delicious mud bugs. ;-)

One evening after dark we went on a ghost tour with a female guide. There was lots of street noise, horses and cars passing, people talking, but I still understood almost everything! I placed myself close to the guide, but I did not have to speech read. My sister and I went walking one morning and it was great to keep my eyes on the path instead of having to watch her talk. My nephew was still very hard for me to understand. He talks very soft and fast. We went to his Easter Parade and they played some of the music way to loud. It bothered everyone but me, my wonderful ci lets the volume get just so loud, then it holds it. There's a perk! :)
The day we went fishing, the noise of the motor when we were at high speeds and the sound of the wind, I did not like, so I turned my processor off. Hearing people can't do that!!We went to my childhood church for Easter and I hated the music. They had a trumpet that I got over real quick.

Many people have commented on the changes in my personality. Friends and family are noticing the old Susan coming back to life. Many have also noticed a change in my speech. They never admitted that my speech was suffering, but now they say the change has made them realize that it had.

Lastly, enjoyed the road trip more then usual. I felt safer when I talked to them because I could keep my eyes on the road. I listened to books-on-tape, the kids could sleep because I did not need them to help me stay awake. It seemed to go so much faster for me. It's just so good-- LIFE IS GOOD.

I have been busy hearing

2005-03-13T22:02:00.000-05:00

I have been so busy hearing there has been little time to post. I am still enjoying the birds. Mark bought me this hand held machine that has all kinds of birds and the sounds they make. I have had the best time talking with the birds on my deck. I will see a robin and do it's call with my sound machine and then he will answer me back, it's so cool. Then yesterday I took my shower and looked out the window to see a cardinal was visiting the feeder so I ran and got my sound machine to play with him and the darn thing was not working. I tried it, nothing, shook it and tried it again, nothing. Then I realized I had not put my processor back on. Oops! Sometimes I just get so lost in not hearing, I forget. But then when I put the processor back on, wow, boy it is so shocking when I take it off, it is like from all to nothing.
Last weekend we went to the mountains, my mom and brother where in the back of the van, an impossible setup for my hearing in the past. So I hooked up my mic that came with my processor and clipped it to the back of my seat and I could hear them so good. I even heard my mom on her cell phone talking to my sister. I did not understand Denise but I could make out when she was saying something. Seth was playing his gameboy in the far back and I could hear it too. Mark is always telling the boys to turn the sound off their toys, I would tell him to chill out and to let them hear their sounds. Well guess who's over all the nonsense toy sounds. LOL
Tonight it is storming, I thought it must be really bad out from the sound of it. I then went on the porch and it really was not that bad, I just have not heard a storm in all it's glory for so long.

I was trained and mapped today, it made for a great day!

2005-02-28T23:10:00.000-05:00

I feel so positive today. I went to auditory training this morning. Susie the audiologist who is working with me, and is one of best, noted that I was having trouble discriminating t,p,h,m and n, in isolated words. She shows me pictures and then says a word and I have to show her what she has said, making fun of some of the pictures as we work. Susie has also ordered the "Sound and Beyond" software, which I am looking forward to working with. I then had an appointment for my third mapping.

Aimee my new greatest audi was so informative and great today. She used a audiogram that shows where different sounds are as far as loudness and frequencies. She then put in my old measurements, before the implant, and then my new measurements, which I have posted below. CI stands for where I was testing today at the volume I was wearing it when I was missing words in therapy. CI-2 is where I tested it when I turned the processor up to the volume level the computer suggested. Well, as you can see it brings me to near-normal hearing. Perception is another matter, but I am getting there too.

Aimee also made a few changes that I am really liking so far. She changed "sensitivity" to "volume" control and added "sound processing" this will cut down the obtrusively loud sounds. So far so good,ok really, I am loving it. I came home with it on mid volume, P1 and I have already worked up to P2 mid volume. I have had water running and it is not overwhelming like before. I can hear my fountain and it sounds about the level I would think it should. I still don't like the sound of a chip bag, but hey maybe it's time to give up chips. I feel like I am back on my cloud again. By the way, we saw a gorgeous rainbow this evening, it's been a very good day.

2005-02-28T18:40:00.000-05:00

This is My Current Audiogram after my CI

Two weeks of sound

2005-02-27T22:24:00.000-05:00

What a busy week I have had, full of sound. Things have calmed down since my last mapping, I still can't handle as much volume as they say I should but I think I am doing great. We had a few beautiful days last week and I loved being outside with my CI. I could hear so many things. Iko and I went for a walk and I could hear the leaves under his feet. The birds sang and sang for me. I stopped by the creek and listened to the water, many times I was almost brought to tears. Cars are still sneaking up on me, but once they are close to me they seem really loud.
I went to a doctors office and the reception desk was out of sight from the waiting room. They called my name to update records and I heard them! It was so great! They called out a few other names and I did not understand them but I got mine and that's all that mattered.
On Friday, I went to auditory training and it went well. I have a female doing the therapy which is my biggest challenge but greatest blessing. I will be going twice a week for training and tomorrow I go for my third mapping. I also used the phone last week and did pretty well. I am working with books on tape but I still have to follow along with the book to know what is being said.
Now a beauty note, I got my hair cut yesterday. Not much, but I wanted to find a better way to wear it, to hide the processor. I don't mind people seeing it, but I do mind them staring. Mark said they are just trying to figure out how my new phone works and how they can get one, lol.
I am going to be posting when ever I have a ci moment to share, but I am finding more and more that I am to busy listening to be on the computer. Oh I almost forgot we were working on the baseboards and Mark went in the garage, I was up stairs and I heard him using the saw. I could tell when he was cutting and when he stopped. I also heard his beeper, he has been on call for 18 years and I have never heard his beeper before.

Second mapping

2005-02-21T21:56:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow will be a week and this is really hard. I feel so overwhelmed with all the noise I am hearing. They said that I would not have the pain that I had with hearing aids and I don't but there is still something that is at the brink of pain. Scary thought, what if it me??? What if I just hate sound--what if I just want selective sounds? Hey, you know how I wanted to hear the birds. Well I hear them, all the time!!! Even when they are not around. My tinnitus is going crazy, but at least it sounds like pretty birds.
We change program 1 and left program 2 alone. I seemed to do ok with the new one until I changed back to the old one and having it to compare to lets me know that it was not so bad. I go back next Monday so will work with both to see the pros and cons of each.

Baby steps

2005-02-18T08:14:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was day 3 of sound and I slipped a little from cloud 9, but not far. Had lunch with a good friend in a very noisy restaurant and I experienced pain and throbbing in my inner ear. By the time evening came my neck and jaw were so tense. I believe we have the comfort (c-level)set to high. I go Monday for another mapping. I guess I can always take a weekend break from sound but.... Naaaah... It's not that bad! I still love it, I will just stay out of loud places for now.
Today Seth, out of the blue came and told me how happy he is to be alive. I was washed by his voice and words as well as his sentiment and I thought "Me too, son. Me too." I can't wait to listen and walk, listen and run, listen and fly, listen and live -- again! Some times I am embarrassed by the fact that I let myself pull back so far from the person I once was. I am seeing more clearly how strong a person I really am, and forced retreat is not something I plan on allowing.

2005-02-16T21:03:00.000-05:00

This is My Special Cochlear Koala Bear. A special Thanks to Deanie @childrens for securing this bear for me,,it is small but means so much,besides, Seth needed another brother.

2005-02-16T20:59:00.000-05:00

and this one is the Unit resting in my Mastoid Bone. The 2nd wire is for grounding.

2005-02-16T20:57:00.000-05:00

This is my electrode inserting into the round window, the opening of the Cochlea.

2005-02-16T20:56:00.000-05:00

The Mapping Crew