life: a commentary

Your Hands

2009-10-01T01:05:00.001Z

just heard it...I love it!!

by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

a new way to live

2009-08-26T02:20:00.001Z

"just for today i will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. i can do something for 12 hrs that would appall me if i felt that i had to keep it up for a lifetime."

2009-08-25T19:31:00.002Z

For I, the LORD, do not change; therefore you, O sons of Jacob, are not consumed.
Malachi 3.6

living with me

2009-08-24T03:01:00.002Z

this past week has been one of the hardest in my life. its put me on my face realizing how much I need help and healing in the deep dark recesses of Amber. I need time to work on myself. and the Lord is giving that to me. I won't go into details here...but, it's over. For now at least. My prayer is that in the Lord's timing we'll be ready. Or that He'll heal my broken heart...

and I don't want to trust Him. I'm just being honest. but I know I have to. He's the only one that will never walk away...

even more music

2009-08-21T00:10:00.002Z

you've probably heard this before, I'm pretty sure it's pretty old...but doing my Bible study today brought this to mind, so...

He Is
Aaron Jeoffrey

In Genesis, He's the breath of Life 
In Exodus, the passover Lamb 
In Leviticus, He's our high priest 
Numbers, the fire by night 
Deuteronomy, He's Moses' voice 
In Joshua, He is salvation's choice 
Judges, Law giver 
In Ruth, the kinsman redeemer 
First and Second Samuel, our trusted prophet 
In Kings and Chronicles, He's sovereign 
Ezra, true and faithful scribe 
Nehemiah, He's the rebuilder of broken walls and lives 
In Esther, He's Mordecai's courage 
In Job, the timeless redeemer 
In Psalms, He is our morning song 
In Proverbs, wisdom's cry 
Ecclesiastes, the time and season 
In the Song of Solomon, He is the lover's dream 
He is, He is, He is 

In Isaiah, He's Prince of Peace 
Jeremiah, the weeping prophet 
In Lamentations, the cry for Israel 
Ezekiel, He's the call from sin 
In Daniel, the stranger in the fire 
In Hosea, He is forever faithful 
In Joel, He's the Spirits power 
In Amos, the arms that carry us 
In Obadiah, He's the Lord our Savior 
In Jonah, He's the great missionary 
In Micah, the promise of peace 
In Nahum, He is our strength and our shield 
In Habakkuk and Zephaniah, He's pleading for revival 
In Haggai, He restores a lost heritage 
In Zechariah, our fountain 
In Malachi, He is the son of righteousness rising with healing in His wings 
He is, He is, He is 

In Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, He is God, Man, Messiah 
In the book of Acts, He is fire from heaven 
In Romans, He's the grace of God 
In Corinthians, the power of love 
In Galatians, He is freedom from the curse of sin 
Ephesians, our glorious treasure 
Philippians, the servants heart 
In Colossians, He's the Godhead trinity 
Thessalonians, our coming King 
In Timothy, Titus, Philemon He's our mediator and our faithful Pastor 
In Hebrews, the everlasting covenant 
In James, the one who heals the sick. 
In First and Second Peter, he is our Shepherd 
In John and in Jude, He is the lover coming for His bride 
In the Revelation, He is King of Kings and the Lord of Lords 
He is, He is, He is 

The prince of peace 
The Son of man 
The Lamb of God 
The great I am 
He's the alpha and omega 
Our God and our Savior 
He is Jesus Christ Lord and when time is no more 
He is, He is

leave the scar

2009-08-18T15:09:00.000Z

Heal the Wound
by PoG

I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew me back then

I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I've been
But it's the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I'm free

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

I have not lived a life that boasts of anything
I don't take pride in what I bring
But I'll build an altar with
The rubble that You've found me in
And every stone will sing
Of what You can redeem

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

Don't let me forget
Everything You've done for me
Don't let me forget
The beauty in the suffering

Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I am broken, torn apart
Take the pieces of this heart
And heal the wound but leave the scar

He fails us NOT

2009-08-05T21:41:00.001Z

Fail Us Not
1000 Generations

Failure doesn't phase you.
Worry doesn't win.
Lost doesn't leave you afraid to start again.
Our sin doesn't shock you.
Our shame doesn't shame you at all.
Mistakes do not move you.
Terror doesn't tame.
Death doesn't doom you to life in the grave.
Our suffering doesn't scare you.
Our secrets won't surprise you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

Hatred doesn't hide you.
Evil doesn't ail.
Despair can't disguise you and tell you that you fail.
Our doubt doesn't daunt you.
Our darkness won't defeat you at all.
At all.

There is nothing above you.
There is nothing beyond you.
There is nothing that you can't do.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No matter the war, our hope is secure.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
Whatever will come, we'll rise above.
You fail us not, You fail us not.
No, You fail us not.
You fail us not.

something witty

2009-07-14T23:46:00.003Z

i so wish i had something witty to say. a good story. or something i'm learning about.
but i just don't.
right now my life is filled with microbiology and anatomy/physiology. i'm overwhelmed. fitting 2 huge classes into a 10 week semester has been way harder than i ever imagined. most of my free time is spent studying.
OR spending time with kevin. he's the boy in the picture from the last post. i'm sure i'll have more to say later, but for now just know that he's fantastic. i wish i could introduce him to all of you...
but for now i promise to share more soon :)

shhhhh....

2009-07-05T14:31:00.005Z

there's a reason I haven't been around much lately...

better late than never, right?

2009-06-27T17:14:00.002Z

i went to Auburn to visit my new "nephew"
so stinkin' precious-1st time i've almost cried seeing a baby for the 1st time...

i had a birthday-with the girls at Sekisui, yumm...

Memorial Day, my sister and bro-in-law came in from VA for about 24 hrs. it was so good to see her after over a year!

with our Granny

me and my mom-a reminder of the Lord's grace in my life!

sisters

things I'm loving right now

2009-06-01T23:18:00.004Z

Essie Delicacy-so pretty and light for summer

Voluspa Goji and Tarocco orange candle-your house will smell good for days

all around fantastic sandals from GAP

shocking I know, but this is a J.Crew dress. I have it in Navy.
Happy Birthday to me!

and now for the thing I'm loving the most these days:

SLEEP!

a day on the 9th

2009-05-21T22:49:00.003Z

I really wanted to be able to put into words what my days look like. but it was just impossible. my day starts at 5:00 and I don't get back home till 19:30. almost everything in between is a blur. some days are better than others, some days I actually get 10 minutes to stand still.

everyday I realize more and more how blessed I am to have this opportunity. I get to learn new stuff and see new procedures every day. it should really help me not only getting in to nursing school but once I start clinicals. I see stuff everyday that a lot of nurses never see.

but there are bad times too, our patients are really really sick. on the elevator the other day people were laughing about how many stops it takes to get to the 9th floor. and one of the nurses was telling someone that the 9th floor is the worst place in the hospital. her reasoning was totally false, and I kinda laughed. but it's neat to see how the Lord has placed me in what I think is the best place in the hospital, learning about the type of nursing that I want to do, and there are so many who don't want to ever step foot in a trauma/burn unit.

a couple of things stick out in my time so far:
1. never ever under any circumstances get on a motorcycle. when things go bad there's not a lot that can be done.
2. people in generally good health heal much faster after trauma and leave the hospital much faster.

on my 2nd day I watched someone die, I was standing there helpless with nothing to do but pray. which I know is exactly where the Lord wanted me. I know He can work miracles, and I know I will get to see it happen. but please pray for me as a light in the darkness and peace in the storm!
and also, as I begin applying for nursing school-I would love to stay where I am because of the learning opportunities I have here, but I want to be where He wants me. so I need wisdom!

the GREAT exchange

2009-05-12T04:07:00.001Z

"This is that mystery which is rich in divine grace to sinners: wherein by a wonderful exchange our sins are no longer ours but Christ's, and the righteousness of Christ not Christ's but ours. He has emptied himself of his righteousness that he might clothe us with it and fill us with it; and he has taken our evils upon himself that he might deliver us from them."
Martin Luther

not what you hoped they'd be

2009-05-12T03:37:00.002Z

wow...

Pray
by Kendall Payne

I will pray for you now, for you have been my faithful friends
While the road we walk is difficult indeed
I couldn't not ask for more than what you've already been
Only that you would say these prayers for me
May your heart break enough that compassion enters in
May your strength all be spent upon the weak
All the castles and crowns you build and place upon your head
May they all fall, come crashing down around your feet
May you find every step to be harder than the last
So your character grows greater every stride
May your company be of humble insignificance
May your weakness be your only source of pride
What you do unto others may it all be done to you
May you meet the One who made us
And see Him smile when life is through
May your blessings be many but not what you hoped they'd be
And when you look upon the broken
May mercy show you what you could not see
May you never be sure of any plans you desire
But you'd learn to trust the plan He has for you
May your passions be tried and tested in the holy fire
May you fight with all your life for what is true
I have prayed for you now all my dear and faithful friends
But what I wish is more than I could eever speak
As the way wanders on I'll long to see you once again
Until then, would you pray these prayers for me?
Oh, that you would pray for me

ummm...

2009-05-12T03:34:00.002Z

Two things I ask of you; deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, "Who is the Lord?" or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.
Proverbs 30.7-9

week 1

2009-04-30T23:45:00.002Z

well...week one of the rest of my life is almost over. and i'm thankful for this week and all that i've learned and seen.

1. apparently my new employer is often referred to as the University that Ate Birmingham
2. it spans about 15 blocks, so as you can imagine, i'll be doing lots of walking
3. to get to work in the morning i drive 23 blocks east, and then take a bus 14 blocks back west. to get home i do the same, just in the opposite direction
4. i have learned a lot about how to take care of patients and all the rules that of health care
5. on our tour of the hospital today we visited the helipad. a helicopter was coming in for a trauma and we got to see it all happen. don't get me wrong, it's not that i want anyone to be hurt bad enough to have that happen, but it was one of the coolest things i've ever seen
6. everything i've learned has increased my resolve and i'm more than ready to be done with school and be able to move forward in my career
7. pray for me as i move forward with classes and start applying to nursing schools-for wisdom and that the Lord would give me favor in their eyes!

making progress

2009-04-25T02:29:00.002Z

I've been reading The Pilgrim's Progress. I'm just finishing it up. And look back on the story a few things come to mind:

1. This spiritual battle is real. And it's going on around us ALL THE TIME. I think I would live my life differently if I were more aware of the reality of what is going on in the spiritual realm.

2. Throughout the story there are places the pilgrim stops to rest, places the Prince of pilgrims created for that purpose. But there are also places that he is told he should never stop or be tempted to rest, these places are created by the enemy to trick him into a slumber that he would never awake from. He needs the guide to tell him when it is okay to rest, and when he needs to keep moving forward.

3. All the characters are named by the chief character strength or fault. I wonder what my pilgrim name would be?

A couple of my favorite quotes (these both come from Part II of the story):

...but I am resolved to keep in the good way, to run when I can, to walk when I cannot run, and creep when I cannot walk; yet to keep my face toward Zion. My journey may be long and toilsome and my mind and body weak; yet my heart is set on that fair City at the end of the way, beyond the river that has no bridge.

I see myself now at the end of my journey; my toilsome days are over. I am going to see the head that was crowned with thorns and the face that was spit upon for me. I have been living by hearsay and faith, but now I am going where I shall live by sight, and I shall be with Him in whose company I delight. I have loved to hear Him spoken of, and wherever I would see His footprints on the sand of time, there I delighted to walk. His name has been to me a precious treasure-sweeter than all perfumes. His voice I rejoice to hear, and His face to me exceeds all beauty in earth and sky. His Word I have used as food for my soul and for antidote against my faltering. He has kept me back from my iniquities, and He has held me fast. Yes, my steps He has strengthened in His way.

part 4 of in my heart i'm still a dancer

2009-04-23T03:34:00.003Z

76. Just after posting part 3, I had my very first wreck and my car was totaled. Thankfully, no one was hurt and it wasn't my fault.
77. Thanks to number 76, I am now the proud owner of a new-er car.
78. For the first time in my life, I am not afraid to follow my dreams. No matter how scary it may be.
79. I prefer my sweet potato casserole with brown sugar and nuts.
80. Tomorrow I will eat my first Lebanese food in exactly 5 years. I am overjoyed. There's some fattouche and a schwarma calling my name!
81. I wear a retainer most nights for TMJ. I started this habit in Africa when I put a whole in one of my teeth from grinding them at night. Something about a civil war made my life a little stressful then.
82. On Monday I will start my 10th new job in two years.
83. My new job is a Patient Care Technician in the Trauma/Burn ICU at UAB Hospital. If I end up in nursing school at UAB, hopefully this job will last a while.
84. Not long after Part 3, I also had my very first case of food poisoning. I may never eat fish tacos again.
85. I also recently participated in my very first Ash Wednesday and Maundy Thursday services.
86. I recently read an article about milk that totally freaked me out. I am now on a mission to eat as much organic and locally grown or raised food as I can. It will be a learning experience for sure.
87. I am thinking of applying to nursing school in the great state of TX or CA. Why not?
88. When I get stressed I don't eat. Quite the opposite of most people.
89. And if given the choice between sleeping or eating, I'll always choose sleep.
90. I can't study while its still daylight outside. It must be hereditary cause my sister is the same way.
91. Speaking of my sister, in May I will see her for the first time in over a year.
92. I had to buy scrubs for my new job. They came in the mail today. As I suspected, I am not cute in scrubs.
93. I took an entomology class in college. Complete with bug collection. I did great on the tests, but flat out failed my bug collection. Ever since having to collect bugs I am terrified of any bug that flies.
94. I also took a Mammalogy class where I had to skin and stuff a rat. Yes folks...as much as I wish it wasn't, its true.
95. Other than being overseas for 2 years, J.Crew is the job I've had the longest. 1 yr and 8 months.
96. I'm not a jewelery person, but I have one necklace that I wear every single day. It has a pendant in the shape of Africa. It's a constant reminder of what the Lord did...and opens doors of conversation almost every day.
97. I sometimes find myself reading blogs of people I don't know. I'm not sure how I end up there or why, but I find it intriguing.
98. I also read a lot of recipe blogs. A LOT. I'm not really sure why since I never cook any of the recipes. But a girl can dream.
99. My 31st birthday is coming up very soon-so far I feel like it will be harder than 30.
100. I love you all and appreciate your friendship more than you'll ever know!

if the world were a village

2009-04-12T02:33:00.002Z

I saw this on the Tom's website recently and thought it was worth sharing. Apparently the statistics come from a book "If the World Were a Village" by David Smith.

if the world were a village of 100 people...

1 has AIDS
3 are slaves
14 are illiterate
20 are malnourished
23 drink polluted water
25 have no shelter
30 are unemployed
33 have no electricity
40 have no shoes
45 live on less than $2 a day
48 have no sanitation
56 have parasites

a great future!

2009-04-07T18:00:00.002Z

There remains for us only the very narrow way, often extremely difficult to find, of living every day as thought it were our last, and yet living in faith and responsibility as though there were to be a great future.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Kyrie

2009-03-24T02:45:00.002Z

Lord Have Mercy

Jesus I've forgotten
The words that You have spoken
Promises that burned within my heart
Have now grown dim
With a doubting heart I follow
The paths of earthly wisdom
Forgive me for my unbelief
Renew the fire again

Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy on me

I have built an altar
Where I've worshipped things of man
I have taken journeys
That have drawn me far from You
Now I am returning
To Your mercies ever flowing
Pardon my transgression
Help me love you again

I have longed to know You
And all Your tender mercies
Like a river of forgiveness
Ever flowing without end
So I bow my heart before You
In the goodness of Your presence
Your grace forever shining
Like a beacon in the night

God, be merciful to me, a sinner!
Luke 18.13

i try to pretend it didn't happen

2009-03-13T03:43:00.003Z

ignore it so it doesn't hurt so bad.

but the reality is
every day I miss him.
11 years later it doesn't really hurt any less.

I cried tonight remembering him.
remembering what a redneck he was.
that time he tried to creep me out by turning his eyes opposite ways.
his tattoo he got for one of his last birthdays.

how he never stopped believing in the people he loved.
no matter how bad they hurt him.

I cried tonight because i'll never get to know him as a funny shrinking old man.
I cried because he'll never get to know me as an adult. to see how strong i am.

I cried because sometimes a little girl just needs her daddy.

i spoke too soon :(

2009-03-08T05:03:00.003Z

pretty sure she's dead, and something new-er will be replacing her soon.
i'm very thankful i walked away with only a few bruises and air bag burns!

yes, all the hoses were hanging out from underneath, and my wheel well was falling off

the other car was a big truck so my car ran right up underneath her.

she was a beauty, well...not so much, but she sure got me from place to place. and i was planning on giving a run at another 140,000 miles.

part 3 of in my heart I'm still a dancer...

2009-03-05T00:59:00.000Z

51. My RHR (resting heart rate) is 45. Yes...I am in fact alive.
52. I had tubes in my ears 2x as a kid.
53. Between ear problems and malsorption (I won't gross you out with that one) I spent most of my time at Children's Hospital.
54. A recent fundraising event for that same hospital is what gave me the final push I needed to pursue nursing school.
55. I never wear shorts, except to run in.
56. I am currently working one job 40 hrs a week, working a 2nd job (J.Crew) somewhere between 5 and 10 hrs a week, I'm taking 6 hrs in school, and training for my 1st half marathon. So...I'm kinda tired.
57. I've never had a wreck. One fender bender where no one's fender was actually bent. Outside of that, so far so good.
58. I've had 2 speeding tickets and one ticket for rolling through a stop sign.
59. I took the ACT twice because I wanted to do better...I wanted to go to DUKE.
60. I go through a gallon of milk, a loaf of bread, and at least one box of cereal every week.
61. I'm pretty sure if the Lord had blessed me with the ability to sing I would be super prideful about it.
62. I have a routine in the morning. Every morning I get out of bed at 6:30. I get clean and then blow dry my hair. At 6:51 I sit down, turn on the Today show and put my makeup on. At 7:00 I get up and start getting dressed. I grab some breakfast, and walk out the door at 7:15. Every day. Without fail.
63. When I was a freshman in college I smoked 2 packs of cigarettes a day...the Lord is gracious and merciful, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.
64. My favorite jobs I've ever had were a car wash and Starbucks. I think it had something to do with being on my feet, talking to people, and not having lot of crazy stuff to remember.
65. I have no idea what size my bed is. Sometimes I'm convinced it's a full, others that it's a queen. So I just buy whatever and make it work.
66. When I grow up I want a great dane named mr. darcy.
67. I think movies and tv should be sunshine and roses, so I really don't watch thrillers or dramas.
68. When I need to relax I listen to bluegrass music.
69. My sister and I have the same favorite scripture, neither of us knew it till we were adults.
Psalm 63.3 for those of you who are curious.
70. 1 Timothy 1.15,16 is the scripture the Lord used in my life as a college student to show me how He wanted to use me.
71. I love white pants during the spring and summer!
72. I have to use the exact same amount of shampoo as conditioner every day. I can't handle one bottle being finished before the other.
73. I love to shop online and would buy my groceries that way if I could.
74. I look so much like my grandmother that total strangers ask me if I'm her granddaughter. And so much like my mom that people tell me that they met my mom and I'm like well how did you know it was my mom. They laugh.
75. Pizza is by far my favorite food IN THE WORLD.

i took a walk today...

2009-03-02T17:57:00.003Z

well, it was actually yesterday...it snowed in Alabama and I thought it was a perfect chance to show you my lovely neighborhood.

my neighborhood is known for all the parks...i live between the 2nd and 3rd parks and they make for a lovely place to run.

it's the oldest neighborhood in Birmingham, so there are lots of lovely old houses that people use for weddings and events...

pretty red berries in the snow!

a view through one of the intersections.

my apartment building