Birdparty

RU Ready to Rumble?

2005-08-22T21:32:00.000-07:00

Baby murder in a pill!

RU Ready for RU-486? - w4m - 24
Reply to: anon-90432838@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-08-11, 2:48PM EDT

I'm an attractive young woman who just learned from peeing on the stick that the rabbit is dead and the doctor confirmed: I'm six weeks pregnant. I am going to be taking RU-486 soon and I am looking for a man to help me through it.

I have always heard that having an orgasm during childbirth is the best pain killer, so I feel it might help with the abortion cramps. I am currently single so I need a gentle, yet firm hand to help me.

Please write me if you are that man.

Adam, the Sex Abortionist

Adam wrote:

Hello:

fit, attractive wm.. 29, 6 ft, 185 lbs....

I would love to help you and lavish you with attention, both with my tongue and 10" cock and treat you like a princess....

But, I think we have have to try pregnant sex first, before you take the 486... Horney?

Birdparty wrote:

No, I want to have sex during the medical abortion. I've heard that a long hard cock up the ass canal makes the fetus slide out sooner. It will make it pleasurable, like taking a shit.

Adam wrote:

find anyone yet to help with this..??

I may be willing..

Birdparty wrote:

Are you willing to help with clean up and the baptism? If so, I am willing to have abortion sex. But the pregnancy is not very far along. Maybe your 10-incher can help dislodge the little life inside me.

Adam wrote:

yes i would be willing to help with the clean up- but baptism..??

I have a huge fantasy about pregnant sex! Never done it... are you really horney?

Birdparty wrote:

Of course I am horny. How do you think I got knocked up?

I am Roman Catholic and just because I am aborting my child, it does not mean I want to damn it to purgatory. I want the best life possible for my baby, and that means aborting it. I want to baptize the fetus so it can go be at Jesus's side. It is not complicated, we just need a little holy water.

Something like this, only a little messier

Adam wrote:

well, i am catholic too and I can understand that...

so, how would this work.. you would take the 486 and..?

Birdparty wrote:

Here is my idea: together we somehow get the toilet water blessed by a priest. My brother has one he has been blackmailing since childhood. Or, we fill the pot with holy water from a local church. It is incredibly important to me that my child be baptized into my faith.

Fetus baptistery

Would you assist by holding up the rosary and saying hail marys while I flush? This is no dead goldfish I am sending from my drain to the toilet drain -- rather what should be my first born if life hadn't dealt me such a hard hand.

Help me make sure my baby is up there bouncing on God's knee where it belongs -- not floating aimlessly forever in purgatory.

Adam wrote:

god, you're getting me horney. i have a ranging hard-on.

do you have a photo?

Birdparty wrote:

I have attached a recent picture. My tits are a bit larger now because of the pregnancy, though, keep in mind.

Would you mind going into a church and stealing the necessary holy water?

Adam wrote:

yes, i will help and yes, i will get holy water. there is a church near me that i don't think locks the doors at nite.

when are you interested in doing this?

Birdparty wrote:

I thought Sunday would be the most appropriate time. Are you free? And do you have some clean sheets I can borrow?

Adam wrote:

yes and yes.

Birdparty wrote:

My apartment building has old pipes and I am concerned about clogging them with the fetus flushing. We can do it at my place as long as you don't mind using the toilet plunger if things get clogged. I'm concerned about using Drano -- do you think if we put Drano in the toilet that the water would still be holy?

It's better than a wire hanger!

Adam wrote:

that's fine. So, tell me exactly what you want to happen when we get togther. what do I need to do?

Birdparty wrote:

A lot of it will be just responding to what I need. I can't say now what that will be. But the clean up, baptism, and inducing of orgasm during contractions are critical.

Adam wrote:

how am i going to induce orgasm?? my cock in your ass..?

Birdparty wrote:

I would like you to eat my pussy as the fetus is expelled. What do you think? Then you could earn your red wings.

Adam wrote:

that's definitely possible.

how about pregnant sex this evening though...?

Birdparty wrote:

Let me think about it. I'm having cramps.

Adam wrote:

I would love to knock on your door, or have you come over and pull your panties down with my teeth and slowly lick you to orgasm, before I slide my big cock in you and fuck you hard, while I play with your swollen breasts... imagine how good an orgasm would feel....

remember i have a 10" cock, really... very attractive...

Birdparty wrote:

That schlong sounds humongous. Maybe you could dislodge the fetus with your monster cock and save me the co-pay on filling the RU-486 prescription?

Adam wrote:

sure, if that's possible, i'd be willing to. if i poke around enough i might be able to get the fetus out. but it will mean i have to fuck you over and over again.

i am getting so horney just thinking about it. tell me what are you wearing now...?

Birdparty wrote:

A Mu Mu and jeans with an elastic waist.

A stylish Mu Mu for the sexy abortion queen on the go

From Russia with Birth Defects

2005-08-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

Pretty Blonde seek American Husband - w4m - 22 (Embassy Row)
Reply to: anon-85945@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-07-21, 4:26PM EDT

I am attractive, blond Slovakian. I come to US to be nanny to diplomat child, but my country no longer able to support embassy or pay for return. So I must find husband in United States. I am not prostitute!!!

I seek tall, successful man who need good wife help with cleaning, cooking with ration and enjoying romantic evening. I am good with children and would make excellent second wife.

Please, no sex perverts!

This man claims to be heterosexual

BooFooLuvr wrote:

You sound intriguing. You are a little young.....do you have a mature, refined attitude? Hopefully you have no children. Are you will to re-locate, travel, do you enjoy the outdoors?

I am a very successful owner of two franchise hotels in western Pennsylvania. I have a residence there and a getaway apartment in Bethesda, Maryland. I have no children and doubt if I want any in the future.

Greg

P.S.: you would have to be a good mother to my "little girl" BooFoo (6 year old female bichone)!

Boo Foo rides in style

Birdparty wrote:

No children but have sold eggs before to gay American couple, very fertile, like chicken.

Yes, refined, work in embassy. Also junior ice skating champion home in Slovakia. Have outfit I change to wear during day ice skating, night to discoteque! You enjoy figure skating and discoteque?

I love small dog. Very white. I brush much. Your age is how many?

BooFooLuvr wrote:

I am glad you like my dog! She is pure pleasure and a lot of fun!

I will be 44 in August.

I love to dance, enjoy dining out and bar hopping.

I also love to travel, mostly within the U.S. I visit several cities every year, for business/pleasue: NYC, Chicago and Vegas. Last March I visited the Mirival Spa near Tuscon, AZ.

Recharging at an Arizona day spa -- but where's Boo Foo?

I spend a lot of time in the country: as you notice by my picture of my Western Pennsylvania home, I have several vehicles which are used in the woods and back roads.

Fitness is also important to me; I spend approximately 1 hour in the gym most days.

Greg

P.S. -- check out the pics of my new Jeep. Boo Foo loves it!

Boo Foo likes off roading, but can't get muddy

Boo Foo checks her hair before leaving

Birdparty wrote:

Greg,

I am thin, not tall, only know height in metric system!

You like spa? I like spa. We get pedicure and manicure together, no? I like do hair too, you do hair? Then we go to discotheque in Las Vegas!

You think Katka pretty? Am ex-Czechoslovakian but we divorce unclean Czechs many years ago, become Slovakian. You like Slovak girl? My last boyfriend like to be in bed with me and boy same time - you like Slovak girl??

Love for,
Katka

BooFooLuvr wrote:

Katka,

I love Slovak girls!!

I do not like to be in bed with boys, but do like being in bed with girls, one or more at a time.

Where do you live in the area?

He's sucking it in

Greg

Birdparty wrote:

Greg, I like picture very much. You very sexy. Almost as much as Boo Foo, but not complete.

I like figure skating. You like figure skate? We get four small little skates to put Boo Foo paw so she not leave out. If you don't want new man in bed with us, which fine, how about male bichone for Boo Foo? Friend like Precious from Silence of Lamb movie. We even get lotion for basket.

You like activity in the outdoor? I need fresh air because grow up near Soviet paint factory. We ride motorcyle around with Boo Foo in basket on front -- but we have to take lotion out first so Boo Foo have room to manuever. We also get Boo Foo doggy helmet and goggles for ride safety. We take Boo Foo to vet in motorocycle basket to have worm remove.

It must be hard at time for Boo Foo to be raised by single parent, but I will love her as would with any redhead stepchild. I will love Boo Foo my own.

Love to,
Katka

BooFooLuvr wrote:

Katka,

You are a very funny girl! BooFoo loves to ride my Harley...no kidding!

I am heading to the metro right now to go to Georgetown. If you want to meet me there (you tell me where, I dont know many places) give me a call on my cell: 814-932-[deleted].

Greg

P.S. -- BooFoo and I on my old bike in 2001.

Boo Foo can't possibly enjoy riding his Harley

Birdparty wrote:

Hello Greg,

Thank you for email and for pic of Boo Foo on bike with you -- she adventurous like penguin in desert. But still, she need companion from man, as I need from you. You want to get male bichon frise -- name him Precious -- he can boo foo Boo Foo, no?

Katka not have cell phone. Battery cause cancer in brain, and after Chernobyl, I take no risk. Perhaps we meet at Zoo -- introduce Boo Foo to lion! Katka like lion like Greg like spa. When we go?

Love at,
Katka

BooFooLuvr wrote:

Hi Katka !,

I am sorry for not getting back to you sooner....I have been having computer problems...I may be available to meet with you this weekend....what is your schedule for Friday evening, Saturday afternoon or evening?

Greg

Get out of my dreams, get into my car

Jonah, the Whale and the Semen

2005-07-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

JONAH is a non-profit international organization dedicated to educating the world-wide Jewish community about the prevention, intervention, and healing of the underlying issues causing same-sex attractions. If you are confused by same-sex attractions or know someone who is and desire help, please contact us for resources and professional confidential assistance.

Birdparty wrote:

I found your group on the Web and I am so happy there are people like you out there. I need help with my homosexual affliction, but I don't really know what to do about it, so I keep going out to the bars and coming home with cute Jewish boys and swallowing their kosher loads.

I know it's wrong, but G-d, it's hot and it's fun. How can I stop myself? Are you a former homosexual? How did you defeat your gay demon?

Stop me before I spread my cheeks again!

Nimrod

Elaine wrote:

Dear Nimrod,

We're so happy you contacted JONAH. Obviously you are happy being gay (and I hope your family agrees with your decision), so JONAH is not for you. If however, you ever decide that the following facts about the homosexual lifestyle upset you (these are only a few of the many stats I could send you), give us a call, we're here to help:

40% of gay men have over 500 partners in their lifetime; 20% have over 1,000 partners (what fun!)

Gay men live a much shorter life span than heterosexual men (what the hell - who cares what old guys do?)

Only 1 out of 20 gay men wind up in permanent committed relationships (who needs a loving relationship anyway when you can get all the sex you want?)

Gay men suffer 200 - 300% more alcoholism.

Queens do love their fruity drinks

Additionally, they suffer much higher rates of drug addiction, depression, suicide, bowel cancer, leaky bowels, etc., etc., than straight guys (well, you can blame all that on society not accepting homosexuality - can't you?)

Bowels so leaky ex-boyfriends are leaking out!

BTW, if you know any nice Jewish or non-Jewish guys who are not looking forward to leading a gay life, and really would like to understand the underlying pain, fear, and anxiety that led to them feeling same-sex attractions (SSA) - please give them our number. We're here to help those who are unhappy being gay. If you enjoy being gay, gae gezindt (pun intended).

Shalom, Elaine Silodor Berk, Co-Director of JONAH

Birdparty wrote:

Elaine,

I am not sure where you got the idea that I am happy being homosexual. I am not. But I don't know what to do about it. I've tried to stop, but I keep spreading my cheeks. Those leaky bowels you mentioned? Definitely a problem that I have. Onetime it spilled out all over Bottom, my little dog. Sometimes the only thing I can get to stop the seepage is my XXL butt plug. You see how this is a vicious cycle?

Can Pat Robertson stop the leakage?

What are your methods for escaping homosexuality? I go to a Reform temple, and the rabbi there told me there is nothing wrong with my cock-seeking ways. But I know in my heart that performing analingus on goys (and even on a member of the tribe) is wrong. I just don't know what to do about it. Please help me. Tell me what I need to do. Stop me before I get another cum shot in the yarmulke!

Shalom.

Nimmy

Elaine wrote:

Nimmy,

I was talking with one of our counselors about the series of messages that passed back and forth between the two of us. The counselor suggested that I tell you that IF and WHEN you are ready to give up your clever sarcasm which is obviously attempting to mask the pain and confusion underlying your same-sex attraction, we would be ready to help you in any way we could.

Please call the JONAH Message Line and leave your name, number, and the best time to call and someone will get back to you: 201-433-3444.

If you are not interested in change, that's fine - but let's not waste our time anymore on nonsense. JONAH works with close to 1,000 Jewish men around the globe so we are very busy and need to spend our time with those who don't want to live a gay life.

I wish you the best whatever your choice, even if you choose AIDS and death.

Shalom, Elaine

Birdparty wrote:

Elaine --

You are correct about me trying to mask my pain and confusion underlying my attraction to men. I don't know how else to handle it. That's why I am contacting you. Please help. Please don't write me off. That's what my father did, and I think that may have a lot to do with my anal attractions.

Please, Elaine, I need a strong woman like you or a former homosexual to help lead me out of the depths of diva despair. I’ve tried everything, even jerking off to Dr. Laura Schlesinger’s radio show, but all I could think about was Mordechai from Hebrew school. My fantasy was to be his mohel.

Dr. Laura demonstrates how to handle a gay penis

You must understand, I have tried to leave this lifestyle before and it didn't work. I told you, I went to my rabbi, who said dropping to my knees for any boychik on the street is acceptable. But I know in my heart that it is not. Please help lead me out of this dark, dirty tunnel.

Shalom.

Nimmy.

Elaine wrote:

Nimmy,

We are here to help anyone who wants to attempt to regain their God-given heterosexuality. We believe that heterosexuality is the biologically mandated developmental pathway for every human being.

The journey is tough but rewarding. Even those who don't manage to go from gay to straight find that they learn why they feel same-sex attractions (SSA) and they usually can stop the compulsive acting-out behavior which can be so degrading.

As for needing a strong woman to help - that's not the answer. We find the main problem for our guys is their relationship with their father, and then their relationships with their male peers. Mother wounds are real, but secondary.

Read the following web site written entirely by ex-gay men: www.peoplecanchange.com and then call the JONAH Message Line and leave your name and number so my Co-Director can call you back. We can tailor a program of individual and group therapy which will work for you.

We look forward to hearing from you, Elaine

Italian Stallion or Canine Calzone?

2005-06-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

Why do Italian men think they are such great lovers?

AIM chat with ITALIAN MAN - m4w - 26
Reply to: anon-80513559@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-06-23, 1:25PM EDT

Hey, interested in good looking Italian men? My AIM name is supamonta99

ciao

Birdparty: i love italian man
supamonta99: good
supamonta99: where are u from?
Birdparty: what do you look like?
Birdparty: i like italian man with lot of moles
Birdparty: what is your mole situation?
supamonta99: i have pic u?
Birdparty: yes i have pic me
Birdparty: do u have pic u
supamonta99: yes send
Birdparty: tell me about moles first
Birdparty: how many have you?
supamonta99: i have some
supamonta99: on shoulders
Birdparty: no face on moles?
supamonta99: a couple small
supamonta99: send me pic
Birdparty: where are moles on the face?
Birdparty: how many and how big they are?
supamonta99: not big
Birdparty: i like big mole
Birdparty: for my pussy
supamonta99: my dick is bigger
Birdparty: dont care
Birdparty: i like mole in my hole
supamonta99: i have mole on dick
supamonta99: send me your pic
Birdparty: NO
Birdparty: not until i here more about the mole
supamonta99: i have some moles on face
supamonta99: and butt and shoulder
Birdparty: you send me pic
Birdparty: with mole
Birdparty: then i send you my pic
supamonta99: sent

He never said he was gay

Birdparty: not enough moles
Birdparty: can i draw on your face with magic marker?
Birdparty: to create mole
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: send me your pic now
Birdparty: i can draw mole on you?
supamonta99: yes
supamonta99: with marker
Birdparty: can i draw smiley face on your balls?
Birdparty: with finger paints?
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: if u like it
Birdparty: and put magic marker up your ass?
Birdparty: to paint your colon bright green?
supamonta99: maybe. first lets meet
Birdparty: no
Birdparty: you must agree to marker
Birdparty: i need man with green ass
supamonta99: ok i agree
supamonta99: do u have more pic
supamonta99: full body
Birdparty: you didnt send me full body, dago
supamonta99: ok wait
supamonta99: how old are u
Birdparty: 17
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: done

He's short, isn't he?

Birdparty: how short are you?
supamonta99: im 5 10
Birdparty: you are lie
Birdparty: you are shorter than that
supamonta99: i never lie
Birdparty: italian are short like chinese
supamonta99: sill im 5 10
supamonta99: my mom is tall
Birdparty: chino
supamonta99: im 5 10
Birdparty: italy is like third world country
Birdparty: cant even beat ethiopa in a war
Birdparty: lose to ethiopa twice -- 1895 and world war 2
supamonta99: we lost to Albania as well
Birdparty: losers
Birdparty: my mother try to abort me
Birdparty: but it didnt work
supamonta99: oh shit
Birdparty: i only have one arm
Birdparty: and 6 toes
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: is this problem?
supamonta99: maybe
supamonta99: u really 17?
Birdparty: yes
supamonta99: i cant do anything with u, i go to jail
Birdparty: no its legal
supamonta99: no, u are 17
Birdparty: that is legal in some state
Birdparty: what state are you in?
supamonta99: tx u?
Birdparty: it is legal in tx
Birdparty: south has lax laws
Birdparty: in south they like sex with girls young
supamonta99: oh ok
supamonta99: good
supamonta99: do u wana meet ?
Birdparty: yes
Birdparty: you have marijauna to bring?
supamonta99: not me personally
supamonta99: friends
supamonta99: do u ?
Birdparty: no
Birdparty: get some marijuana to bring
Birdparty: i smoke marijuana from the pussy
supamonta99: i will. so when do u wanna meet
supamonta99: where do u live
Birdparty: homeless shelter
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: my parents leave me
Birdparty: after abortion failed
Birdparty: they leave me at dog pound
Birdparty: i grow up first five years in dog pound
Birdparty: then they put me in homeless shelter
supamonta99: ok
supamonta99: i like dogs
Birdparty: you understand what is dog pound?
supamonta99: doggy style?
Birdparty: you know what orphanage is?
supamonta99: yes
Birdparty: dog pound = orphanage for dogs
supamonta99: o wow.. ok
Birdparty: i grow up in dog pound
Birdparty: i grow in cage
Birdparty: eat dog food
Birdparty: drink water from bowl
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: you like dog woman?
supamonta99: yes
Birdparty: why
supamonta99: coz i do like dogs
Birdparty: i bark during sex
Birdparty: is that problem?
supamonta99: no
Birdparty: can you bark to?
Birdparty: reminds me of when i lost the virginity
supamonta99: ok i can
supamonta99: bau bau
Birdparty: you like puppy chow?
supamonta99: whats that
Birdparty: dog food
supamonta99: some
Birdparty: what kind you like?
supamonta99: doggy style
Birdparty: no i mean dog food
Birdparty: to eat
supamonta99: all
Birdparty: i need dog food to eat to get in mood for sex
Birdparty: you eat dog food for sex?
supamonta99: no
supamonta99: only pussy
Birdparty: then we no meet
supamonta99: ok..i will eat it with u on a bowl
Birdparty: you must eat dog food
Birdparty: to put me in mood to spread pussy for you
supamonta99: ok i will
Birdparty: can i put dog food in your ass?
Birdparty: then suck it out
supamonta99: ok
Birdparty: that is what i do with schnauzer
Birdparty: as little girl
supamonta99: ok good
supamonta99: so when do u wanna meet
supamonta99: what is phone number?

Smoke crack?

2005-06-17T16:54:00.000-07:00

Reggie's got a court date and a crack rock

SMOKE CRACK?? - m4w - 21
Reply to: anon-71869176@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-05, 7:00PM EDT

I GOT DAT GOOD SHIT.. HOLLA (THIS ISNT FAKE)

* this is in or around PG COUNTY

Birdparty wrote:

Are you fo real? I’m jonesin for a taste.

Reggie wrote:

AS REAL AS IT GETS.WHY YOU ASKING?

Birdparty wrote:

I'd love to get together and smoke crack. What else you looking for?

Reggie wrote:

well its not cooked. u like blow? what else u wanna give? u are a woman right? send me a pic and description

Birdparty wrote:

You’re talking crack, right? I know how to make it, if you want. And yes I am a woman. I'm good company and maybe if you give me some crack, you can stick your goods in a few of mine.

Reggie wrote:

when and where do u wanna hook up?

Birdparty wrote:

Well you still haven't addressed the original topic of your ad which drew me in -- and that's the crack. Do you have any cracks or not? Ass cracks don't count, I want the real shit.

Reggie wrote:

i been told u i got uncooked. therefore i have addressed the original. i got da real shit. how do i know u aint the police

Birdparty wrote:

The police wouldn't care if you had crack or coke, they'd just arrest you either way. I on the other hand, am not interested in any of your coke. It's the rock I crave.

It used to be the other kind of rock I wanted -- a diamond ring. But since my marriage failed after Bruce turned out to be a closeted homosexual, I have turned to crack and sex. The crack makes me feel good and the sex reminds me that I am a desirable woman. I have lost several teeth in my pursuit of the rock, but this makes blow jobs much more sensual.

Hugs and kisses,
Gloria

P.S. -- I can make a tin foil crack pipe.

Reggie wrote:

u tell me when u free....and we can go from there

Birdparty wrote:

I don't have a job, so I am free when you are. I do like to watch Oprah weekday afternoons, Desperate Housewives Sunday nights and The Mclaughlin Group Sunday mornings. Can we work around these shows?

Reggie wrote:

gimmie your name and number

Birdparty wrote:

Are you a cop?

Reggie wrote:

no.fuck no.im actually in trouble with the law right now and i have a courtdate on the 31st. how are we gonna meet if i dont have your info. i go to work all day so i wanted your number so when i get off i could hit u up one day to see if u were ready for me. im not gonna press you out about it though. its on you. u either trust me or u dont.

Birdparty wrote:

Whether I trust you or not depends on what you are in trouble with the law for. Is this just a speeding ticket or are we talking something more intense?

Reggie wrote:

i got caught with my gun. im not going to keep going back and forth typing to you babes, trying to explain to you that im not a cop. remember homie, u hit me for it. if i were a real cop, i would have been had enough technology over here to track your housing information just from your emails you sent me and been locked your ass up. i only have a lil bit of shit left so im getting rid of it as we speak. im not going to reup cause i dont know what this judge is going to try and do to me.so its no point to buy more if i might be going to jail.so if u want it, u need to stop bullshitting. either yes or no. no more bs'ing. tired of typing. holla atcha boy

Birdparty wrote:

I like to freebase out of man's ass. Are you game?

Reggie wrote:

baby you sound smoking.

u still on. email me and let me know

Fart of Darkness

2005-06-06T11:48:00.000-07:00

Looking for woman to FART on my face - m4w - 28 - m4w - 28
Reply to: anon-fart@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-17, 5:48PM EDT

I am 28 yrs old, 5'8", 150lbs, mixed race very openminded, kinky, tend to be submissive

I am looking for woman of any age, any race and any looks who has the fantasy of farting on a guy and enjoying the fact that the guy likes her fart. I have realised that I get hard by a woman's fart. I am very orally talented and love eating both the holes. Any height and weight, just be sensual and openminded!

I am open to other experimentation. I can host or travel.

Birdparty wrote:

Are you serious? If you are for real, I might be interested.

Tom wrote:

No this is not a joke. I am for real. This is kind of fairly widespread fetish especially in Japan....

Hoping to smell your fart,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

Hi Tom,

Thanks for your prompt response. This was my first time on Craig's list and I couldn't believe that I could find someone so quickly who complimented my own fetish so well. You see, I am a fart fetishist, but in a different way. I just really like farting.

I like the smells of my farts, the sounds, and the air. Once, I even lit them on fire, but I usually need a helper for that kind of activity as singed ass hair is not a smell as fragrant as a post-corned-beef and cabbage fart. (I call that one the "Bog Hopper" in honor of St. Patrick's Day.)

What is it that interests you about farts? Do you like the smell, the sound, or the feeling of the warm air blowing over your face? Where do you stand on queefs?

Tom wrote:

Yeah Craigslist is a great place....you usually end up finding what you are looking for....finding people into farting is not that easy though.....

I have not tried anything like putting farts on fire. But sounds fun. I would love to smell your bog Hopper!

I have heard about queefs but never experienced them, I would love to though.. Here is a link to queefing that you may find interesting:

http://www.collegesexadvice.com/queef.shtml

I really love the smell and warm air blowing across my face. Can you tell me something about yourself like your age, stats etc..it is just that it becomes easier to get comfortable with you. Actually I dont care what you look like. I will definately send my pic sometime later. I am open to meeting up in a public place.

Thanks and hoping to smell your glorious farts,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

It's so great to hear back from you, I'd call your enthusiasm for farts a breath of fresh air if it weren't exactly the opposite! What kind of farts do you like best? The silent but deadly variety? The kind that are all sound but no smell?

I have another special fart which can only be produced by eating pickled kimchee that I purchase at Vietnamese grocery stores. I call it Agent Orange as it has occasionally worked as a defoliant and stripped the leaves from my house plants.

Like a fine and well aged wine, a fart's bouquet reveals its influences. Whether it be pinto, red or black beans, my well trained sniffer can identify where the burrito came from, and whether the salsa was mild, medium or hot. I enjoyed the recent film Sideways and I only wish that fart enthusiasts like us were as widely accepted as wine snobs.

I am not a fat woman, in fact, I am fairly attractive. But my high profile position as dog groomer to the stars requires that I maintain a low profile so I am unable at this time to send you a picture. I would prefer that we get to know each other a bit more first. As you can imagine, visiting Hollywood stars would be more reluctant to entrust their pets to a fart afficionado such as I if they knew. I once apeared in US Weekly and I am regularly recognized on the street.

So let's get to know each other. Tell me more about your fart fantasies and I'd love to see a picture if you are comfortable.

Poopdreams,
Flatulence Mistress

Tom wrote:

My Fart Mistress, thanks for getting back. I started with farts when I was 14...one of my neighbouring girls did it and I loved it. I like the silent and smelly but noisy is great too. I am not that all good at telling the food from smelling the farts but I hope you will train me well!

I did not see the movie Sideways, so what was about farts in that movie?

In case you are seeking flatulation explained:

http://www.geocities.com/southbeach/jetty/5713/farts.html

By the way farts from attractive woman turn me on the most. The kind of woman who are pretty and nobody would guess that this woman would fart - if she farts thats great for me, I get turned on like hell!

I am a bit confused about your location...where are you located? Are you in California? I am in boston....I assumed you were in Boston.

My biggest fart fantasy is being smothered by a pretty farting woman who sits on my face and farts and then I get to lick her asshole and pussy. What are your fantasies and what turns you on the most?

thanks and hope to smell you farts,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

I am in the Boston area, Jamaica Plain specifically. I do "Lion Cuts" and I'm one of the best in the nation. Many celebrities fly their animals all the way cross-country just for one of my trimmings. You know Sugar, Liz Taylor's dog? I did her. I'm telling you though, the short-haired chihahua craze is going to be put me out of business!!

I read your fart glossary with interest and determined that I am a fart intellectual. What kind of a fart fan are you?

The film Sideways is about wine snobs, I was just wishing that our fetish could be so widely accepted as to warrant a major Hollywood film. I wouldn't be surprised if my own mid-life crisis involves farts.

I think that working together we can have a symbiotic fart relationship. Much like the bird that rides on the back of the rhino, eating bugs off of it, I will produce vile farts and you will enjoy their magnificant odor.

This sounds like it might be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Tom wrote:

That is one hot email! I am not an expert in dogs so I really dont know much about dog grooming as such. I guess you should not worry about being out of business, I bet you are one of the best, as are your farts!

In the glossary I am: Amiable: A person who loves the smell of other people's farts.

It would be great if someone made a movie about farts. I bet there is a lot of porn stuff around with farts. There is a lot on web, especially asian/Japanese stuff. In Japan you can get used panties in vending machines....I wish one could get farts...

Conveniently available at your local Japanese vending machine

Yes we could definately share a symbiotic relationship, you can ride on my face.....farting all the time. When and how did you discover your fart fetish?

Thanks and hoping to smell your fart.....
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

You seem to be very interested in Japanese culture. I am glad to hear that, as I too love hentai exploits, and I do not hold Yoko Ono against the Japanese anymore. I am especially fond of sushi, and after I eat a few rolls, my farts are so smelly and sulfuric that I call each one "Little Hiroshima."

The Japanese are very into bukkake, as I am sure you know. I propose we create a fart bukkake, with me repeatedly farting on your face after a nice big plate of beans. Now, there is a catch: sometimes, straining to fart as fast and furious as possible, a poop accidentally pops out. If I make a mess on your face, a shit bukkake if you will, would you be terribly upset?

In farts,
Your Flatulence Mistress

The mother of all farts

Tom wrote:

Flatulence Mistress,

Japanese have a great sex culture with all their fetishes - bukake, farts, schoolgirl panties etc. I would love to smell your little hiroshima! I would love to have fart bukkake, with you and may be other woman farting on my face. I am not into poop though!

I have attached my body pic. I am 28, 5'8", 150lbs and good looking. I am educated with a Master degree and work as a professional in the information technology industry.

He thought this was an appropriate picture to send?

I am open to meeting you in a public place.

thanks and looking forward to your farts,
Tom

Birdparty wrote:

I can imagine nothing more delightful than somehow being able to sell my farts via vending machine. I once stepped into an elevator that some one had cut a ripe one in and then left. The door had immediately closed, sealing in the odor. When I stepped in, the elevator was empty except for the odor. It was incredible, a fart like none other. I had to quickly glance around to make sure there wasn't explosive diarhea in there somewhere. I was travelling to the top floor of the building and nearly orgasmed from being trapped in there so long with that smell.

I look forward to experimenting with you on the fart front. Together we can sample different cuisines and the effect they have on the pungent bouquet of my gaseous emmissions.

In the same way that time of harvest, weather conditions, and a host of other influences affect the outcome of a fine wine, we'll discover together what ingredients create the perfect fart.

I love your whitey tighties. Nothing gets me hotter than a man in snug underwear, except maybe the smell of my own farts.

Tom wrote:

Do you want to meet up in public?

Birdparty wrote:

While I would be delighted to meet up in public, there is no way I would recognize you without a picture. Unless that is, you are the only man in the local starbucks in his whitey tighties. Send me a picture and then we can move on to the in person meeting. I am eager to meet you, so the sooner I get the pic, the sooner we can meet.

--Fart Mistress

ps coffee makes me gassy ;-)

Birdparty wrote:

Tom, where are you? I am incredibly gassy today and just took 2 extra strength Gas-ex. I had Pizza Hut last night. I hate to think of the farts that I have aborted, like fetuses in the womb, but they are like unwanted children in my office.

Help me create a loving home for my farts. Let's make sure every fart is a wanted one.

Birdparty got this idiot to write poetry

2005-05-30T15:18:00.000-07:00

Tortured Artist enjoys long walks on the beach

WM Seeks Ubersmart/Literate F Confident Enough to be NSA Slut
Reply to: anon-68747@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-12, 10:49PM EDT

Yes, this 47 WM is looking for a brilliant and literate female, any age, who has a great sex drive and is into stimulating NSA encounters. I am intelligent, professional, d- and d-free and waiting to hear from you.

Birdparty wrote:

I might be interested. Give me more details.

Bob wrote:

Thanks for writing. I'm a writer professionally and am super turned on by very intelligent females and, particularly, women who are into literature and/or are literate and culturally aware. I truly am interested in a very hot, no strings sort of situation. I believe they exist. And the idea of a brainy woman who is comfortable being a slut, as they say, with me is an absolute turn on. I'm smart and kind. 6'3", 260, dark brown hair with gray, green eyes. I'm in Park Slope. So, let me know if you wish to pursue further conversation.

Birdparty wrote:

Would you be interested in reenacting an Anais/Henry Miller/June Miller love triangle with my best friend Mindy?

Henry Miller: Tropic of Cock and Balls

Bob wrote:

While I know who Henry would be, which of you would be Anais and which would be June? Are you the artist's wife or the bored artist-turned-banker's wife? Would June support my artistic endeavors in Paris or prefer to allow me to continue to work away at them in Brooklyn? Also, would there be any of the sort of jealousy which consumed Anais-Henry-June? And do you and Mindy enjoy each other's company? Bob

Birdparty wrote:

I would be Anais and Mindy would be June. We greatly enjoy each other's company and while we would role play jealousy, I hope there is more than enough of you to go around. Do you have a picture you could send us? Mindy wants to see what you look like.

Bob wrote:

I don't have anything here, but would be glad to send a photo once I'm back at my computer at home. (Only Mindy wishes to see a photo?) Do you have photos of yourselves to share? Descriptions? Are you a writer? Mindy? Are either of you involved, other than with each other?

Birdparty wrote:

I don't have any pictures here at work either, of myself or Mindy. We are both very attractive though. We smoke heavily and that keeps the weight off. Just send the picture tonight.

Mindy is an intellectual slut. She is a groupie at the local non-chain coffee store and goes home with whoever reads their slam poetry that night, once she is tweaked on espresso. She is a total June. I once caught her trying to leave the house in a black beret and turtleneck but convinced her not to by calling her Monica and asking if she was looking to get a Gauloises shoved into her snatch.

Dildo or cigarette?

I, on the other hand, consider myself the slutty intellectual. I have read all of Anais's work, and someday if I ever have a daughter, her name will be Anais. I have plucked my eyebrows and drawn them back on just like Anais.

What about you? How are you Henry Miller? Please write in his style, and failing that, emulate Charles Bukowski.

Bob wrote:

Your email, my dear, is a howl. Really...trying to leave the house in a black beret...Gaulloises shoved into her snatch...perfect.

I can not write as Miller without effort, however, Bukowski is one of my literary idols and I try to emulate him in spirit, if not in fact. My style as a writer, though, is my own. Perhaps when we know each other a bit better, I can direct you to some of my creative nonfiction and short fiction, and you will understand what I'm talking about.

Meantime, a bit of poetry, in the style of Hank?

I sit
naked and alone in spring
at my desk

wondering
if Mindy left the house
in a black beret

or if she was too afraid
to go
because Anais told her
that a pervert
at the non-chain kaffehaus
would call her Monica
and stick Gaulloises
into her snatch

she has great legs
to frame that snatch

i light my cigarette
pour another drink
from the bottle in my drawer
hidden behind the reports
and documents
and a yellowed copy of Barely Legal

i never had sex
with
that woman

The thought crosses my mind that if this comes to pass, it would have the makings of wonderful short fiction. Maybe, it already does.

Birdparty wrote:

Oh no, it was fabulous, Bob! I was very impressed. Unlike Anais, we are not being paid by the word for our erotica, instead we are paid for our menial office work and can only find satisfaction on the side.

I'd love to hear more of your work, the more Bukowski-themed the better, and please be aware that I do not shy away from vulgarities and hope you won't either.

We all know where Bukowski's cigarette goes...

Bob wrote:

Well, fuck, then, you should have said so sooner! I certainly didn't think you would be the sort to shy away from vulgarities. Women with dirty mouths (and dirty minds) turn me on. As do women with an appreciation for sharp and gritty words. Both the ones that look the part and the ones that don't. Anais, to me at least, didn't--though it could be a function of the era.

Ah, yes, menial office work. Pays the rent. I have long made a living writing some words that I enjoy and many words that I do not. I try to make the current bastards pay for at least a week per month that I can dedicate to my own words. It allows me to do writing for which one is not well compensated. Until our inherent genius is noticed and we can, like Hank, ponder our nihilism surrounded by great creature comforts.

I'm serious about writing about this in a short fiction, or even creative non-fiction, way. It's got serious potential. Describe yourself, if you would, and would you care to share a first name?

I am attaching a photo from which you can decide that I am either (a). old and awful or (b). writerly and cute or (c). fill in the blank. I await further word and/or visuals of you and yours. I've been inspired enough, regardless, to be working on some new short fiction this evening. Bukowski themed.

Still at the beach

Birdparty wrote:

You're old and cute and writerly. How old are you again exactly? I'd love to find more of your Bukowski-themed work in my in box.

Bob wrote:

Thank you. I enjoy being old and cute and writerly, the latter two being that upon which I'd assume dwell, and the first being something about which I can do nothing but chuckle. I'm 46 (although in a pathetic attempt to conceal myself, I believe the ad and one of the emails said 47 or, even, 48. Leave it to me to age myself). Um, how old are you? And Mindy? Perhaps you'll write a bit more and share some details about who you are? Perhaps you could supply a photo so that I might experience pangs of desire unrelated to mental imagery (which is no doubt quite innacurate since I have virtually nothing with which to work)? I would be happy to deluge you with writtten work, and to direct you to spots where you could read TONS of my stuff online or even peruse my photography at some point. And, soon, direct you to the literary "sex and drugs" anthology that I'm involved in doing that should be printed soon.

As I said in my last email(s), I'd love to see a photo or, at least, get a better sense of you. I am totally devoid of detail--age, general occupation, general location--for all I know you are a well read guy in Bensonhurst named Vinnie who enjoys pretending to be Anais Nin and pimps out his girlfriend Connie as June Miller. :) Now, there's some serious kink for you.

I've been writing for a long time and have made my living as a journalist for most of that time. I write regularly for a couple of websites--both short fiction and creative nonfiction--and I'm helping to put together a "sex and drugs" literary anthology that should be published in May or June. And if I ever get time to think, I want to put together a volume of autobiographical creative nonfiction that I can assure you will be a good read.

Birdparty wrote:

I am 28 and I have a not-at-all fulfilling PR job whoring myself to my corporate masters. Mindy works as a topless cocktail waitress. We live in a one bedroom in Alphabet City and we share the same bedroom. We are very close like that.

Mindy is coming out of a deep depression and is just getting over the death of Hunter S. Thompson. It was particularly hard for her because he committed suicide, as did her favored literature professor in college. She only recently started waitressing again, and apparently her tips are down because she still has a somewhat sullen attitude with the customers. I think it would really help her spirits if you could write her some poetry that might put Hunter's death behind her and give her some closure.

Hunter S. Thompson when his head was in one piece

Bob wrote:

It was nice to hear from you. Now I know who I'm talking to. Both you and Mindy are very lovely, and I already know that you're smart and literarily substantive, so that's cool. You guys share a bedroom in a one bedroom? That's closeness. Is Mindy really working as a topless cocktail waitress? It sounds as though she would have some interesting things to write—or serve as a great character in some short fiction. Actually, as I've stated previously, my writer's instinct tells me that you'd both serve up some terrific inspiration.

I hear and feel your angst about working for corporate masters in order to make a living. There is major suckage involved in that. I've been working for a nonprofit trying to do good deeds with my words for a while, and there's a downside to all that too. I think the only way to be fulfilled, truly, is to have the wherewithal to do one's own thing. Indie. DIY. Etc.

I am swamped writing words today that leave me wonting for my nonprofit masters. However, I composed a few words for Mindy related to Dr. Thompson's passing, about which, I too was seriously depressed. Still, he was 65 and facing serious physical challenges and had contributed tremendously to our intellectual lives. He apparently had been really depressed about falling apart physically and about observing the fascist takeover of America masquerading as the Bush Administration. There are only so many times, I think, that one cares to go around the same track.

Praying for the death of Dr. Thompson

The poem is below, although if it suck or is not on target, no need to share.

We were somewhere
around Barstow
on the edge of the desert
when the drugs began to take hold.

Indeed.

She ponders these words
their meaning

The doctor gone
by his own hand
but on his own terms
the way
it should be

His legacy—
words
knowledge
wisdom
and the ability
to say

Fuck you

with a smile
and a sense of irony

She vows to smile
because
the dickheads
tip a lot better
when she smiles

They are so busy
lusting
after her tits
watching the sway of her hips
as she walks with their drinks

That they have no idea
she is a fan
of the Doctor

They do not know
what it means
to be gonzo

Because

They wouldn't know
the onset of drugs
in the desert
if this sensation came up
and bit them on their
little banker-lawyer-tourist-wannabe has been rock star brains
marinating in
Stoly

She laughs
knowingly
because

The joke is on them
The joke is on us

because

the doctor
did
it
his
way

after he'd said
most everything
he had to
say

Sooo...the poem was okay or not? Totally unrelated question--are either of you guys in New Order, playing at the Hammerstein on May 5 out of curiousity?

Birdparty wrote:

New Order the band? I have always been more of an INXS fan. When their lead singer died of autoerotic asphyxiation, it led me to try it a few times myself.

I loved your poem and printed out a copy for our fridge. Mindy is again masturbating regularly, I am pleased to report. Do you have any other sources of obscene inspiration?

Bob wrote:

Well, I am certainly glad to know that Mindy is using her fingers and any other devices of which she might be fond to bring herself erotic pleasure. Although, I must say that it beyond me that either of you should resort to autoerotic pursuits, unless it is strictly for extracurricular pleasure. I would hope that there would no shortage of nice men with talented tongues and hands and strong, capable erections interested in making sure that you are both satisfied. And that both of you, in turn, possess cunts of such tightness, wetness and warmth (not to mention mouths and talented hands) that your men are very, very satisfied.

I can write erotically for you (after clearing the decks of my own short fiction deadline tomorrow) if you provide me with some inuput as to your turnons, the positions you enjoy most, any intimate details about your respective cunts that would help, the sorts of cocks you like best (thick, long and thin, curved, etc), what you are like when you cum (quiet and trembly, loud and groany, screaming, spasming, etc.). In effect, if you can provide me with inspiration and detail, I will work hard not to disappoint you. Do you masturbate together? Masturbate each other? Have sex with each other? Share lovers? Have threesomes? I don't ask any of these questions solely for voyeuristic reasons. I am thinking of some customized obscene writing/inspiration here.

Farkuckt on the Roof

2005-05-23T14:02:00.000-07:00

Forget JDate, God's chosen people choose a free dating site

Looking to Pay a Pretty Jewish Girl - m4w - 33
Reply to: anon-72835528@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-11, 3:03PM EDT

Want to get paid for your time and have fun in the process? This is the best job opportunity ever. I own my own business, I am clean and a gentleman. I am Jewish but have never been with a Jewish woman.

Birdparty wrote:

Be a mensch. Try a nice Jewish girl.

Why have you been banging all these dirty shiksas? I don't even like to kiss a man who has put sausage in his mouth within the last two months.

While I'm not a "No Chupa, No Shtoopa" kinda gal, I do need details on the Jew who wants to pay me for sex. How much money are we talking? Reform, Conservative or Orthodox? What sex acts are you interested in? How observant are you? Are you into kinky stuff? I am. Tell me what you're into. Where do you live? And, why have you been banging only goy girls?

Hope to hear back from you,
Rachel

P.S. -- If you have anything even RESEMBLING a foreskin, forget it!

Jacob wrote:

Hi Rachel. I like your response. Thinking about taking your advice. I am businessman with my own company. I have attached a photo, let me know if you're interested.

J.

Dildo depot or curling iron collection?

Birdparty wrote:

What sort of business do you own? A sex shop? I notice a large collection of dildos and vibrators behind you in the picture you sent. I hope they are kosher.

Also, you did not answer any questions from my previous email. Please address all of them. And tell me how much gelt I'm getting for handling your shvantz.

Jacob wrote:

I am a partner in a research and development corporation. We bring new products to market using a proprietary technology we own (22 patents). I have a staff of engineers who do the actual inventing. I handle the marketing and international business.

I am a non-practicing Jew. An atheist to be candid (not sure if this rules me out in your eyes). I live in West Roxbury/Brookline. I can answer the gelt question only after I've seen a photo. . .

Jacob

P.S. -- The items in background of that photo are cordless curling irons.

Birdparty wrote:

Are you fucking with me, you self-hating Jew? I may be orthodox, but I know sex toys when I see one. I first used a dreidel as a clit stimulator when I was in Hebrew school -- I'm not temimesdik when it comes to dick. Do you think I'm sitting in a milk bath in a West Bank settlement?

When Hebrew school gets boring...

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I am not a self hating Jew. Be kind. Those are not sex toys, they are cordless curling irons. My company is at www.[deleted].com go to the hair care site if you like.

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Looking more closely at the vibrator and dildo collection behind you, I suppose that it is possible that they are merely curling irons. Do you ever use them as sex toys? As I told you, I first started masturbating with a dreidel in Hebrew school and since then I have penetrated myself with a menorah.

A sex toy for eight!

I am into kinky sex, but I like to keep it Judaica-themed, in deference to G-d. How Jewish-themed can you go?

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I like that you're kinky. Are you pulling my leg with the Judaica-Themed erotica? Would you like me to tie you up with a Talis and play Hide the Afikomen?

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

I am not pulling your leg. Your cock maybe, but not your leg. I want your Torah in my arc. With a matzah lubricant. I love my religion and I love sex -- why should I keep the two separated?

I will tie you up so tight in that talis, and I'll tie your cock and balls up with it too just for a little Jewish CBT. I think you know where I'll hide the afikomen. Would you rather fish it out of my snatch with your tongue or schlong?

So tell me Jacob, how were you raised -- Orthodox, conservative, reform? Why did you stray? You don't believe in G-d, but do you maintain a cultural Jewish identity? Will you at least wear a yarmulke while you fuck me?

Jacob wrote:

Rachel.

Matzah lubricant?

My parents raised my to be Jewish. I went to Hebrew school but decided not to be Bar Mitzvahed. I do not believe in an external ominpotent being. I believe the Judeo-Christian God is just the lastest myth in a history of mythos (Greeks, Aztecs etc). I do understand and admire the history of the Jews and do also find some kindred familiarity with people of like culture. I do not wear a Yarmulke because it would be hypocritical.

You crack me up. If you are serious (i have my doubts) we can meet for a drink to see if there's chemistry

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob,

I respect your position on what you term today's "Judeo-Christian God," especially the Christian part, as those Jesus freaks are worshipping a fraudulent Messiah and celebrating him with bizarre Pagan rituals. As I respect your position, I request you respect mine. And my favored position is Cowgirl. How about if I ride you while spinning driedels on your nipples? I understand why you believe it would be hypocritical for you to wear a yarmulke, and I concur, but I feel that we can make an exception for Judiaca-themed sexcapades. I dated a furvert for a while, who required me to wear a Daisy Duck costume from time to time. I was not making any sort of claim to be a duck, and I don't feel you would be falsely presenting yourself as an observant Jew if you wore a yarmulke during sex.

Duckparty for Birdparty

What I really like is for guys to pull out a moment before ejaculation and squirt their kosher spooge right into the yarmulke. During Hanukah, I like my man to put the yarmulke back on his head as we light the Menorah at dusk.

Enough about my sexual fantasies. I would love to meet you for a drink, kosher of course. Why do you suspect that I am a fraud? I assure you that I am not. I assume that you'll want to be convinced of this before we meet, so feel free to ask me anything you like so I can disabuse you of this notion that I am somehow not for real.

I know a kinky Orthodox girl is not common. And indeed I was repeatedly labeled a slut for offering oral services to the rabbi at my bat mitzvah. I know this is not common, or really even normal, but I assure you I am what I am: an observant girl whose Orthodoxy rivals only her intense sexuality.

Rachel

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

You are cute. If you would like to meet for a drink to prove the veracity of your existence and your sexual predilections then I am game. What day is good?

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob,

How about Wednesday or Thursday? Where are you located and where can we have this drink? I ask only that the bar serve Manischewitz wine.

Choosy Jews choose Manischewitz

What about my proposed ideas? Please address each of the following:

- Me on top spinning driedels on your nips
- Wearing a yarmulke while fucking me
- Jizzing into the yarmulke
- Placing the yarmulke back on your head after you squirt your kosher love juice into it

Are any of these outside your comfort zone? If so, why? Do you have any other suggested Jewish sex acts we could engage in? What's the kinkiest thing you can think of to do with a mezuzah?

Love,
Rachel

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

Think of this as an opportunity to bring a Jew back into the fold (at least sexually). What I can I offer as recompense?

Wednesday evening would be fine. I live on the West Roxbury/Brookline border. I can meet you at the upscale bar up the street from my house or somewhere in Boston if you prefer.

- Me on top spinning driedels on your nips--This is fine
- Wearing a yarmulke while fucking me--Possibly
- Jizzing into the yarmulke--I prefer to cum inside of whichever orfice I am in at the time
- Placing the yarmulke back on your head after you squirt your kosher love juice into it--Not going to happen

Jacob

Birdparty wrote:

Jacob --

I am sorry to hear that you are so sexually inhibited. To be honest, it is a real turn-off for me. Why do you refuse to jizz in a yarmulke and then let me place it on your head? I think that even G-d would be skeptical of your reticence to wear a yarmulke.

If you are to place your Torah in my arc, you must make at least a few Jewsex concessions to me. What are they?

Rachel

Bill says a yarmulke is a better receptacle than a blue dress

Jacob wrote:

Rachel,

I am happy to cum on a yarmulke but am not interested in putting it on my head afterward (will you lick it clean if it goes on my head?--that might change my mind).

I would be happy to say a bracha while giving it to you from behind (I think I remember enough Hebrew), would that interest you? How would you like me to drink Manchechevitz from your sacred watering hole?

Want to bring a Jew into the embrace of a Jewess for the first time?

Jacob

Steak with a man marinade

2005-05-16T17:11:00.000-07:00

Forget the toupee, where’s the beef?

sex after steak - m4w - 29
Reply to: anon-6359@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-04-06, 12:17AM CDT

I am about to sit down and eat a steak. It's been a really good day for me, and I'd like to top off the day with some NSA fun, at least oral sex, if not more. I'm a playful guy who likes to let my hands wander and explore, all while making sure we both have fun.

Birdparty wrote:

Can we incorporate the steak into our sexcapades? If not, I ain't interested.

Steven wrote:

Of course we can incorporate the steak into our sexcapades! That would make sex even more yummy! (sorry, bad joke I know). I can host for steak fun, but only later in the evening.

Ms. Birdparty prefers her meat bloody

Birdparty wrote:

Can I rub a raw steak all over your giant forehead, then have you fuck me with that raw slab of meat?

Steven wrote:

That would be just fine. Like I say, i'm always willing to try something new. So the steak rubbing is fine.

Birdparty wrote:

I love meat and poultry and see no reason why they cannot be incorporated into sex. I like to take chicken hearts and gizzards and shove them right up a man's ass. We would use gravy as lubricant, of course.

Jar o' pickled gizzards, a.k.a., ben wa balls

Steven wrote:

You can spank me with the steak if you want to. Shoving things up my ass sounds hot!

Birdparty wrote:

I am so glad you are open to food play. So few men are these days. Since you like to have things inserted in your ass, how about if I give you a humus enema? If there is any mess, I will clean it up with some pita bread and make a sandwich with it for my daughter.

Where's the hummus?

When can you do this? I would prefer you host, because of my daughter, but if necessary we could perhaps have some food fun while she's at school. Do you want to masturbate into her lunch box?

Steven wrote:

I'd love to host (and do some stuff in that lunchbox)! But I have to tell you that I don't let just anyone shove food up my ass until I trust them completely first. That's a sensitive area, so I need to be careful with it.

Birdparty wrote:

I like raunchy food play. The whole reason I wrote you was your mention of steaks. I am very disappointed at your reluctance to allow me to give you a hummus enema. It's kind of a deal breaker for me.

Steven wrote:

Okay-

I'll let you give me the hummus enema, but I get to fuck you with a cucumber, and slide it in and out of your cunt until I'm satisfied you've had enough.

Birdparty wrote:

I love cuCUMbers, and you may ream me with one, but you must use the special one I grew in my "garden." I've attached a picture of myself with it.

Forget the glasses, cucumbers are better for bags under the eyes!

Since you get to put a cumumber into me, I get to have some fun too. I want to put pepperoni slices over your eyes, blinding you, and then apply peanut butter and grape jelly to your bald head. Then I want you to take that PB&J dome of yours and rub it all over my microwave oven.

When is your availability?

Peanut butter and jelly on white bread

Steven wrote:

I love your food ideas! You are one kinky and culinary girl! And your pic with the cucumber is hotter than green curry at a Thai restaurant (a possible anal lube?).

I'm usually free late in the evenings, or on the weekends. My place really isn't the best for hosting... so hopefully you have a place we can go.