tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1056577175336769908.post-75585177185221996082008-01-01T09:56:00.000Z2008-01-01T12:25:44.792Z<a href="http://bp0.blogger.com/_RcwHpax0Ens/R3oZsaIPFYI/AAAAAAAAArI/3CxwZeOvvPo/s1600-h/computer+2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="http://bp0.blogger.com/_RcwHpax0Ens/R3oZsaIPFYI/AAAAAAAAArI/3CxwZeOvvPo/s200/computer+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5150457374570386818" /></a>Email is wonderful but everyone recognises the dangers of email over face-to-face communication. The facial and physical emotional cues are absent and so our responses to emails are created in a vacum, out of context. Daniel Goleman discusses these in an article he wrote <A href=" http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/07/jobs/07pre.html?_r=2&emc=eta1&oref=slogin&oref=slogin">for the New York Times:<br /></A><br /><br /> <br />"When we talk, my brain’s social radar picks up that hint of stridency in your voice and automatically lowers my own tone of exasperation, all in the service of working things out. But when we send e-mail, there’s little to nothing by way of emotional valence to pick up. E-mail lacks those channels for the implicit meta-messages that, in a conversation, provide its positive or negative spin.<br /><br />....One reason for this is that we tend to misinterpret positive e-mail messages as more neutral, and neutral ones as more negative, than the sender intended. Even jokes are rated as less funny by recipients than by senders.<br /><br />....On the upside, the familiarity that develops between sender and receiver can help to reduce these problems, according to findings by Joseph Walther, a professor of communication and telecommunication at Michigan State University. People who know each other well, it turns out, are less likely to have these misunderstandings online."<br /><br />In a recent Crucial Skills newsletter the authors said 'don't ever hold a crucial conversation over email'. <br /><br />I have been playing very close attention to emails and feelings for some time. Some emotional intelligence observations reveal that we can still respond physically to email: that sinking feeling from an unpleasant email and a surge in happiness from a kind or supportive one. <br /><br />Equally, email is an incredibly powerful medium to excite anger in other people - especially group emails. It is not difficult to get a whole group feeling angry and dissatisfied through using exaggerated or immoderate language. Words are very powerful, even without the face-to-face clues. For spreading good feelings as well as negative.<br /><br />We have to use email alot - we live distances away from people and communication is very important. Here are my own guidlines - mostly obvious...<br /><br />- No matter how long it takes , always re-read your emails from the perspective of every reader you are sending it to.<br /><br />- Write with the assumption that people outside your circulation list will see it. <br /><br />- Never forward or circulate people's emails without permission. It erodes trust very quickly.<br /><br />- Always reply. Sometimes the odd one can get lost or forgotten but 'no reply' can be worse that a negative reply. Someone said to me the other day 'not replying is a really powerful message'. Probably, but is also unpleasant, and regardless of a current battle improving relationships should ideally be the objective. Not replying damages relationships. It works like game playing and even if no ill feeling is intended the person who sent the email always feels disregarded. If you know someone really well and have a very good relationship already then lax replying can become normal, but if the trust is already established then it isn't too damaging not to reply. But make sure the feeling is mutual before assuming this is OK.<br /><br />- Ignore 'perceived judgements'. Examples: If I reply quickly eveyone will think I am not busy or have no life.... or if I reply at length I am not cool and have too much time on my hands. Respond as quickly and carefully as you can. <br /><br />- Never reply angry - the clues always creep in somehow. Ranting is, well, undignified.<br /><br />And if you find yourself in a real pickle through misunderstanding and misinterpretation, pick up the phone (carefully) or arrange to meet. <br /><br />Don't be put off by the difficulties....keep communicating anyway you can!!!Tessy Brittonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05508205143507731122noreply@blogger.com0