Tedrow Drive

The New Digs.

2006-03-27T09:33:00.000-05:00

As has become customary, I'll start by apologizing for my lack of attention to Tedrow Drive. Much has happened since I last checked in with y'all. I have a meeting with the editor in chief of a major newspaper in the Boston area. I also have another meeting with the author that seems interested in my work. As far as writing goes, everything is chugging along just fine and dandy.

Scientifically, things are moving along fine. There's been some nasty politics swirling about here in the lab. To make a long story short, I was getting dragged into the fray and swiftly recused myself from the situation.

Now for the big news. The really, really big news. We bought our first home!!! Yup, you read that right. Vavoom Q. Citizen is now a homeowner. Our new place is in a fantastic part of Boston, not far from John Kerry's house (I shit you not). We got the place for a fantastic price.

It's interesting, life changes once you have a mortgage. Suddenly I feel "all grown up." We're nervous, but excited to close escrow in the next month or so. For whatever reason, I'm overjoyed with the notion of making simple repairs, redoing the bathrooms and having guests over. It seems like it will be a healthy distraction.

Now it's your turn -- what's your big news? How have you been?

Peter Pan.

2006-02-26T15:43:00.000-05:00

Every morning, I wake up with an increasingly large distaste for adults. I'm not sure why, but as I've grown older, I've developed a strong hatred for the features we adults hold in common -- selfishness, opportunism, racism and cruelty. My recent response has been to withdraw, retreat, isolate myself away from people.

As a consequence, it's made it difficult for me to wish to do anything for anyone. In adopting that attitude, am I not becoming the thing I hate the most?

It's strange, I no longer feel compelled to talk to people in the elevator or help someone that's dropped a bag of groceries. It's as if I'm watching a Polaroid picture of myself develop and my kindness is fading out, not in. Am I destined to be an asshole? Does being an adult necessitate behaving like most would?

If Only...

2006-02-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

The winter here has been relatively mild, so I'm told. In my naive opinion, it's still cold as hell. Wait, isn't hell hot? Never mind. In any case, above is a photo of Mujin Harbor in Turks and Caicos. Why they didn't build Fancypants University on a tropical island remains a mystery to me.

The World of Me.

2006-02-21T23:34:00.000-05:00

It's been a while. I've been overloaded with work and writing. The author I met with recently would like to meet again to discuss my progress. It's surprising that an accomplished writer would take an interest in my work. All appears well on that front.

Scientifically, things are going somewhat well. Not as well as the writing, but things are chugging along.

I'm also teaching this semester. It's an introductory course. Teaching freshman is always fun. They're motivated, excited and free of the bad habits that typically set in with older students. I've got a couple of ravenous pre-med students on my hands. Jesus, I spent 30 minutes today explaining to one of said students why losing two points really isn't the end of the world.

Not too long ago, I took a trip to Walden Pond. I sat and thought. About everything. About nothing. After stumbling across the above sign placed near Thoreau's cabin, I asked myself, "Have I lived deliberately? Have I really lived at all for that matter?" Having felt a bit spooked by the introspection induced by a simple sign, I started walking. I shook the disquieting prospect of my prior questions, by following them up with, "Has anyone?"

Down boy, DOWN!

2006-01-18T10:17:00.000-05:00

Normally, Prof. Bigshot has the group favorite take care of his house and dog while traveling. Well, the group favorite was also out of town. Guess who got to take care of the dog? Yeah, that's right. Me.

I've never owned a dog. I've had every other type of pet imaginable. Naturally, I was excited to take care of him.

As always, everything I do has a bizarre outcome. Behold:

The dog has a fixed schedule. At 6AM, he needs to be fed and given water. Immediately afterwards, he needs to go outside to poop. I got to the house a tad late. 6:30 AM. I turned off the alarm to Bigshot's palatial estate. As I entered, I went downstairs to let the dog out of his cage. Yes, he's kept in a cage all day. I know, it sucks. Anyways, I fed the dog, gave him water and decided to get him riled up before taking him for a walk. Why not? I mean, he's about to go outside. Let's get him excited, right?

Wrong.

I played with him for about half an hour. He started jumping around frantically. Suddenly he started sniffing the floor rather strangely. To my horror, he squatted down and decided to take a massive dump on Bigshot's floor. "No," I yelled out. Apparently he thought we were still playing. After stomping all over his crap, the dog then jumped up on me and started trying to hump me.

"Down boy, down!" He was having way too much fun spreading his seed and smearing poop all over me. Overtures of "bad dog," had little effect on his thrusting. Trust me, this is not my preferred brand of sex. Finally, he relented. Now there was shit all over me, the dog and the floor. Lovely.

I cleaned up the mess and took him for a long walk. Let me tell you, Bigshot's dog is one horny bastard. He also tried to mount a cocker spaniel during our one hour trip.

For some reason, I seem to think I'll score far lower on a purity test after all of that.

Where Is Vavoom?

2006-01-16T21:17:00.000-05:00

Well, as you probably realize, I've been an absentee landlord here on Tedrow Drive. What the hell is going on?

Well, I may have a huge opportunity to publish a fiction novel. Yes, you read that right. A very accomplished writer (think National Book Award) appears willing to help me get my work out there. Between experiments, teaching, courses and now this book, I just can't figure out how I'm going to find time to blog.

I'm committed to keep this blog running. I'm just not sure how this is all going to work out... Please be patient while I sort it all.

The Sliding Door.

2006-01-04T10:45:00.000-05:00

On my first day back to work, I woke up ready to take on anything. I slid out of bed and proceeded to conduct my morning rituals. You all know that I smoke. Yes, I've tried quitting. I typically go out on our tiny balcony for my morning smoke. When I say our balcony is tiny, I mean it. I measures about 9 inches in depth, 5 feet in width.

Like I was saying, I stepped out onto the balcony and lit up my cigarette. It was like any other morning. The birds were singing, below me I saw that the neighbors dog yet again managed to escape and was crapping all over my other neighbor's yard. That damn dog is always carrying a stick around. A couple times I've seen it crap with a stick in it's mouth. Not a bad way to go, if you're crapping.

I usually carry our cordless phone out with me during my morning smoke. Mrs. Vavoom usually calls to bid me good morning and I wouldn't want to miss that call. I'd finished up my smoke, turned slightly to open the sliding door. It was stuck. No matter how much I pulled on the damn thing, it wouldn't open.

I proceeded to put my weight into it. "Open, goddamn you!" As I pulled, the cordless phone slipped, falling into my downstair neighbor's yard. "Oh, shit!" Remember that dog that likes to chew on sticks? The one that craps all over everything? He mosied over to our phone and began mashing his teeth on it.

The phone rang. It must have been Mrs. Vavoom. Of course, the dog didn't seem to mind the ringing. He simply backed off the phone, started barking at it and then really laid into it with his teeth.

All of his barking woke my neighbor. He came out into his yard. "Get, get," he yelled at the dog. "Hi there," I responded, "Could you help me? You see that phone down there... the one the dog was chewing on? Yeah, could you throw it up to me? Also, I'm trapped, my sliding door won't open..."

He threw the phone up to me and replied, "I can't help you get in. If you haven't figured out a way in within a half an hour, I'll call the management." Having said that, he quickly retreated back into his apartment. "Wait, wait... can you call now," I pleaded. It was too late. He was gone.

I was wearing my pajama bottoms and my trusted North Face jacket. I searched the pockets of my jacket and... yes! Our group's leatherman was in my pocket! I was looking for it the last few days. I guess I put it in my jacket and forgot to return it.

I pulled off the side veneering on the door and accessed the lock. Presto-changeo, I was in.

I'm not saying that I live a glamorous life, but it does get interesting...

p.s. I'm having trouble accessing the photos from our trip to the Caribbean. I promise I'll post about our vacation.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T11:19:00.000-05:00

We're back from the Caribbean. We had a fanstastic trip. I'll post some photos later.

I want to wish you all a very happy new year!

Gone Diving.

2005-12-21T14:03:00.000-05:00

Well, finals are over and they went well (I think). Now we're off to the Caribbean for the next week. We'll be diving, snorkeling and finding out what this whole "irie" thing is all about. I'm excited to take a break. It's been a tough semester and I'm glad I made it through.

Have a fantastic Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, whatever. To be extra inclusive, to all of you Satanists out there, Happy Satan Day. (Does such a thing exist?)

Gone Fishin'

2005-12-19T07:21:00.000-05:00

I've got finals exams tommorrow, so blogging will have to take the backseat.

Have a great Monday.

The Scientific Bubble.

2005-12-16T19:10:00.000-05:00

I've said time and time again that I believe "hype" plays too large a role in scientific research. The general public typically hears about "good" science by reading the paper or watching the news. Often, such studies contain questionable practices and are lacking in scientific rigor.

One example is the current stem cell debacle in South Korea. Hwang Woo Suk is currently under fire for allegedly falsifying data claiming he has cloned human stem cells. Stem cell research, like nanotechnology, is a hot field. I've got people doing both types of research in the building I work in. In talking to students and faculty, I often hear a crap load of buzz words and very little actual substance.

What's the incentive to work in a hype filled field? Money. Funding abounds for flashy science. That begs the question, when will the scientific bubble burst?

The Call.

2005-12-15T09:39:00.000-05:00

My wife's grandmother and my grandmother were best friends back in the old country. Their friendship continued as they grew. They stuck by one another through school, marriage and the challenges of raising children. In fact, my wife's grandmother used to babysit my father when he was a toddler. She was devastated when my grandmother died, years before I was born.

Naturally, everyone was ecstatic to hear that my wife and I fell in love. It was all rather random. I was reintroduced to my wife at my brother's wedding. Her grandmother was so pleased. I'd never known what it was like to have a grandmother. I couldn't help but feel simultaneously cheated that I never grew up around my grandmother and fortunate to have been adopted by my wife's.

Two days ago, at 8 AM, the phone rang. My wife's grandmother died.

She was a wonderful person and I am heartened to know that her suffering is over and that she has moved on to a better place. Becoming acquainted with the joy of having a grandmother and then losing her is painful. I will never forget her.

The Jerk Sauce Caper.

2005-12-12T20:03:00.000-05:00

Mrs. Vavoom and I have decided to go to the Caribbean during our holiday break. We'll be there during the last week of December.

Yesterday, we ate at a well known barbecue joint in the Boston area. I noticed barbecue beef, sauteed in Caribbean jerk sauce on their menu. It sounded pretty good. Besides, what better way to celebrate our upcoming trip than to eat some tasty beef loaded with Caribbean goodness?

When the food arrived I looked down at my plate. It was sopping wet with jerk sauce. Man oh man, did it look good. I immediately shoveled a pile of it into my mouth. Suddenly, I felt a rush of heat. This stuff was spicy enough to raise the dead. It was too good to pass up. I quickly devoured it. It was so good that I grabbed an extra order to go. Sure, my stomach was screaming for help. C'mon, it's Caribbean barbecue...

I was restless that night. I simply couldn't sleep. At 4 AM, I decided to get up and have more of my delightful bovine meal. I polished off another serving of the stuff.

I slept 3 hours. As I walked into work I felt a severe pain in my stomach and lower intestines. "Oh no," I thought, "I know what this means." I needed to get into work. Still, I knew a restroom break was in order. When I arrived to work, I went straight for the toilet. Never before have I wanted to yell out in agony. For whatever reason, my delicious Caribbean meal was coming back to haunt me. It was the spiciest expulsion I've ever produced. Sore and distressed, I retreated back to my desk. If I could write a BASIC computer program to describe my day, it would go something like this:

10 PRINT "Enjoy being reverse sodomized by Caribbean spices today, Vavoom."
20 GOTO 10
RUN

I swear, it wouldn't stop. I spent a total of 12 hours rushing to the restroom and then back into the lab. Finally, I decided I needed to hustle home. As I walked, I felt a painful gurgle downstairs. "It must be gas," I thought.

I thought wrong.

I quickly clenched up and caught it before any unfortunate accident occurred. I looked down at the ground. Yup, it's covered in ice. Imagine trying to hold 20 gold doubloons up your ass, while trying to navigate across a slushy, icy mess. God, my 25 year record of not crapping my pants is at risk. I felt like Payton Manning, going for 16-0. I can't make a single mistake. Not one mistake. What the hell am I gonna do? Shuffle. Yes, shuffle. That's what my faithful readers suggested. Besides, shuffling and clenching aren't mutually exclusive activities. "Oh God, please don't let my streak end," I whispered, "Why does this shit always happen to me?" I shuffled slowly across the slick ground. Could it be? Yes! A patch of clear asphalt! I'm saved!

As I hustled across the asphalt I experienced the wrath of the fabled "black ice." I quickly learned that it does, in fact, exists. While squeezing tight, I felt myself slip. I can't tell you how I did it, but I fell without letting any of my recycled Caribbean meal loose. Now there's a new problem -- how the hell am I going to stand up without crapping myself?

A young couple approached me from behind. "Oh my God, are you alright?" "He's not moving, get your cell phone." "No, no, no," I replied, "I'm fine, I... I... I just need to get up slowly. I'll be fine, really." The guy helped me up. Problem solved.

The pressure was building. I really had to go. I shuffled over to a nearby convenience store, the spicy mess was slowly threatening to destroy my undefeated sphincter record. "Can I help you?" the clerk asked. "I need to use the restroom. It's an emergency, please." "I'm sorry, we don't have a restroom," he responded. "Listen," I pleaded, "I know you must have to take a crap during the day... you must have a bathroom... please, I really have to go." Suddenly a loud gurgle came from my intestines. The clerk's eyes widened. He looked at me like I just showed him that I had webbed feet. "Sure. Whatever. It's, it's, it's in the back," he responded.

I made it to the bathroom. I frantically started unwrapping myself. "Damn layers," I grumbled. In one fail swoop, I dropped my drawers and immediately sat down on the john. I was there for twenty minutes. I was breathing heavily, the spiciness of it was overwhelming. "Hey, you okay in there," I heard. "Yeah," I responded. "You better clean up after yourself," he yelled. I did so and quickly exited the store.

When I walked outside, I desperately wanted to drop my trousers and sit in the snow. Even as I write this, it still smarts. Still, my streak has been preserved.

Remind me not to eat any Caribbean food when we go to the Caribbean.

White Power.

2005-12-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

It's snowing here in Boston. It's absolutely gorgeous. Being a California boy, I really don't know how to handle myself well in the snow. Some examples:

1) I've fallen down once and have slipped about ten times trying to walk through this stuff. If anyone knows how to walk on compacted snow (ice), please let me know.

2) I decided I'd see what snow tastes like. While walking into work, I scooped up a small amount of the stuff and devoured it. Bad move. They had just salted the area and I shoved about ten million milligrams of salt into my mouth. Yummy.

3) While walking to work, I decided I'd readjust my scarf. The snow continued pouring down while I did this. Yet another mistake. The scarf ended up feeling wet and nasty on my neck. That's not much fun when it's freezing.

4) Do not ask fellow scientists to throw snowballs with you. Many that have done so with me end up throwing in a not so manly manner. You know, they lead with their elbow when they throw. Trust me, it's embarrassing.

5) You know my big winter jacket? You don't? The big green one? C'mon search your memory. Anyways, it really isn't very good unless I dress in layers beneath it. However, when I'm all bundled up, I can't even cross the street safely. It is absolutely impossible to turn my head to look at on coming traffic.

Help.

CRITICAL UPDATE: Sleet blows.

Devolving Arguments.

2005-12-08T09:04:00.000-05:00

Don't believe in evolution? Would you like to show everyone how magnificent God and creationism is? Hmmm, what to do... How about beating the living crap out of a university professor? Yeah, that's showin' them!

Are you as sick of the anti-evolution movement as I am? This is absolutely preposterous. If you're interested in learning more about evolution and debunking some of the ridiculous arguments made by anti-evolutionists, check out The Panda's Thumb. It's a fantastic resource.

Hot and Cold.

2005-12-05T15:33:00.000-05:00

Question: Can hot water freeze faster than cold water?

The answer is here.

Now it's your turn. Do you know any counter-intuitive facts?

Doubt.

2005-12-02T08:52:00.000-05:00

When John Patrick Shanley wrote the play, "Doubt," he had to know he was going to win the Pulitzer Prize. It is an absolute masterpiece. After another day of galavanting around Manhattan, we had the great opportunity to watch this magnificent production. I'm not sure how, but we landed front row seats. The acting was superb. I highly recommend you either watch or read this play.

Not convinced? Check out this review.

News Flash!!!

2005-12-01T09:42:00.000-05:00

Sea Lampreys scare the living crap out of me.

What sort of things scare the crap out of you?

(Sorry, I'm taking a break from the New York posts... I'll continue those tomorrow.)

Darwin, Welles and the Evolving Ego.

2005-11-30T10:03:00.000-05:00

We spent last Friday at the American Museum of Natural History. I'd been to New York many times, but never made the time to go to this venue. Without a doubt, it's the most impressive scientific museum I've ever seen. Typically, scientific museums cater to small children, making it somewhat boring for adults. This museum has something for everyone. In particular, the new Darwin exhibit is absolutely amazing.

The interesting thing is, Darwin waited over twenty years to publish his work on natural selection. Why? Apparently he was frightened that he would be made a pariah in the scientific community. In a sense, his ego prevented him from publishing one of the greatest scientific discoveries in the history of mankind. As you walk through the exhibit, you can see Darwin's original writings on evolution. It's absolutely magnificent.

We walked through the museum, which spans four blocks. I witnessed the diversity of life, reminding myself that I was in the largest city in the United States. "The world is a big place," I thought to myself. On the contrary, as we entered the planetarium, I remembered how small the world is, in context of the many galaxies present in our universe.

Having frolicked through the museum, we got a quick dinner and went to "Orson's Shadow," a play focusing on the egotistical struggle between Orson Welles and Laurence Olivier during their attempted production of Ionesco's "Rhinoceros." This production brilliantly depicted how two men could evolve into egotistical maniacs, consistently trying to out do one another.

I left the play thinking how our ever evolving egos can be kept in check if only we consider the size of the world, the interconnected network that bonds us all and our place in the universe. Perspective, methinks, comes from deep evaluation of scale.

Cookin' With Bobby Flay.

2005-11-29T08:25:00.000-05:00

The train ride to New York was easy enough. If you take the MTA, a one way ticket will cost you $14 from New Haven. If you take Amtrak, you'll spend $77. Can anybody guess which train we took? Both arrive at New Haven at exactly the same time. It's no wonder that Amtrak is a bust.

When we arrived we walked around Times Square. It had been a while since I'd been to New York. It's such an amazing place. The funny thing was, it was impossible to walk on the sidewalks. They were jammed with tourists saying things like "Wow, look a Hard Rock Cafe!" Note -- I was one of these tourists. I found myself marveling in the sights, sounds and yes, even the smells associated with Manhattan.

It was Thanksgiving day. We had missed the parade, but I hear it was of the "contact sport" variety. We had dinner at Bobby Flay's Bar Americain. The food was absolutely amazing. I'd like to tell you that Bobby Flay came right up to our table and hung out with us. No, that's not what happened. Instead, some lady at the table next to ours decided that looking at me incessantly and disapprovingly shaking her head would be a good way to enjoy her meal.

I swear, she did it 20 times. Was there a booger hanging out of my nose? Had I unwittingly soiled myself? What was her deal? Then I heard her say, in a thick syrupy accent, "Ah never thought we'd be sittin' next ta' one a them." She must have been refering to my status as a graduate student. Nobody likes to have Thanksgiving dinner next to a graduate student, right? It couldn't have been the color of my skin? Nah, she just didn't like the fact that I was a scientist. Yeah, that's it.

I leaned into the table and whispered loudly to Mrs. Vavoom, "Man, prejudiced people are such assholes. They can't even enjoy Thanksgiving without being insulting." The woman perked up. I thought to myself, "Yeah, that's right bitch. I heard you." Mrs. Vavoom then said loudly, "I heard what she said too, Vavoom. Do you want to move tables?" I can't tell you why, but I looked at my wife and we started laughing uncontrollably. Everytime I looked over at the lady next to us, I couldn't help it, I cracked up. We laughed until we cried. Soon enough, they moved to another table. Good Riddance.

Would you like to hear about the amazing time we had the next day? Tune in tomorrow... (Am I a tease or what?)

The Breakdown.

2005-11-28T10:03:00.000-05:00

We hopped in our car, enthusiastic to get to New York City. We'd both been there many times, but this was a special occasion. I made a huge leap with my experiment on Wednesday night and for the first time, our vacation would be absent my typical concerns about science.

It was dumping snow along the 84. Suddenly, we heard a loud boom and something drop out from under the car. "Holy shit," I yelled out. We pulled over in New Haven, Connecticut, the home of Yale University. The power steering was giving out and we just made it into a gas station.

I opened the hood. The serpentine belt had come off and the radiator fan had shattered against the radiator. "This is just fucking great," I screamed. Suddenly, I felt a snowball hit me in the back. My wife started laughing as she ran for cover. There we were, at a random gas station, having the snowball fight of the century.

Half an hour later, covered in snow, we called AAA. We had the car towed out to a tow yard that also had a mechanic on site. He promised he'd have the car ready for us by Sunday night. How the hell did we get to Manhattan? You guessed it -- we took the train.

What adventures awaited us in New York? Stay tuned, I'll have more for you tomorrow...

Nerdy Fun.

2005-11-23T14:17:00.000-05:00

If comic books weren't nerdy enough already, Nature Publishing Group has come out with it's own comic entitled "Adventures in Synthetic Biology." As someone that loves science and comic books, I'm in heaven.

The Trip.

2005-11-23T09:53:00.000-05:00

You're 3,000 miles away from home, in a hostile land where the weather is cold and the drivers are mean. Where do you go for Thanksgiving? That's right, New York City! Me and Mrs. Vavoom will be staying in Times Square, hanging out with David Letterman, Howard Stern and Michael Bloomberg.

We've planned out the trip and we're going to have a fantastic time. I've needed a nice long break. These next four days will serve that purpose. Don't worry, I'll take plenty of pictures and post them when I get back. Before then, give me some suggestions of what you'd like to see pictures of. I'll do my best to provide. Also, tell me what your plans are for the holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Go Stowers!

2005-11-22T11:04:00.000-05:00

The Howard Hughes Medical Institute supports the activities of hundreds of biomedical labs across the country and abroad. For years, this organization was the premiere private granting institution. Their goal was clear -- provide funding to labs conducting risky research that doen't traditionally receive funding from the federal government. It's been a huge success, funding some of the most successful research within the biomedical world.

Enter Jim Stowers, the founder of American Century Investments. Stowers and his wife, Virginia, are loaded. They decided to begin their own organization, the Stowers Institute, similar to HHMI. They've built a massive research campus in Kansas City and are now recruiting and funding the best and brightest in biomedical research.

It's certainly good to see filthy rich people putting their money to good use.

Smart Reading.

2005-11-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

Wanna feel like you haven't done anything with your life? Read this.

UPDATE: Commenters have the right idea here. Your task now is to write an overly flattering bio of yourself. Do it, damn you!!!