Jeff Gannon Blog

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-104704702009-02-20T20:36:14.388-05:00Jeff Gannon BlogJeff Gannon is not my name and I am in no way pretending to be anyone else whose name isn't really Jeff Gannon. J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.comBlogger124125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1145497165782955352006-04-19T20:01:00.000-04:002006-06-26T18:24:00.416-04:00I'd Do It For My Country

I must say that I am TOUCHED. Several dozens of thousands of MY FANS have made it clear to me that I should put my HAT IN THE RING and apply to be the next press secretary for our Commander AND Chief, George W. Bush. And while I know that I would kick MAJOR ASS during all confrontations with LIBELOUS LEFTY SWILL MERCHANTS, I must say that I wasn't super stoked about the whole idea after reading

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1140580435639996862006-02-21T22:53:00.000-05:002006-02-22T16:39:33.016-05:00Mailbag

The MAIN REASON I haven't been shoe-polish reporting very often is because I underwent a LIFESTYLE CHANGE THAT I'D RATHER NOT TALK ABOUT. But I will talk about it because I AM ALWAYS HONEST WITH MY FANS/READERS. But only a little because IT WAS ONLY A PHASE AND I AM BACK TO NORMAL.So that's THAT. Now here are a few of the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of letters/emails I get HOURLY. (I changed the names

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1140569719934922472006-02-21T19:48:00.000-05:002006-02-21T19:55:20.006-05:00Mailbag Coming Soon . . .

I've gotten all your mail. I UNDERSTAND YOU ALL MISS ME. Please think of me as the HALEY'S COMIT of SHOE-POLISH REPORTING. You've got a few more hours to get your comments/questions/tips/compliments in before I post my HUGELY POPULAR semi-regular feature.

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1133233836658781872005-11-28T21:17:00.000-05:002005-11-28T22:12:31.703-05:00That's NOT The Duke I Know

This summer I shoe-polish reported the story of CGI Bob Novak, a creation of the INCREASINGLY DANGEROUS MOB OF LA LUNATICS. Well, the LOONEY LEFTIST LIBERAL ELITES of WACKOWOOD are at it again. According to several HONEST AND RIGHTWARD THINKING key grips and best boys I probed in a trailer on the set, today's TOTALLY FICTIONAL PRESS CONFERENCE was in fact written by Sam Seder, a LIFETIME SHOWBIZ

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1132117656685105932005-11-16T00:02:00.000-05:002005-11-16T00:07:36.760-05:00I've Got A Hot Tip That Just Won't Quit

But a GOOD HOT TIP is only the starting point for an EXPERIENCED SHOE POLISH REPORTER. It's time to DO SOME PROBING. Stay tuned . . .

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1130611048028378012005-10-29T14:04:00.000-04:002006-01-08T00:35:29.210-05:00I Am NOT "Official A"

Based on my GROUNDBREAKING SHOE POLISH REPORTAGE, I'm sure most of you assume that I am this mysterious "Official A" named in PATRICKY FITZLOONEYTOONLIBERAL'S indictment. And even though I know EVERYTHING about this case, I am NOT "OFFICIAL A."But this indictment is CRAZY. It's like he's trying to CRIMINALIZE APPLE PIE. What's next, an indictment for BREATHING!!!ANYWAY, my guess is that justice

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1130557000932997002005-10-28T23:21:00.000-04:002005-10-28T23:36:41.010-04:00I Have Some Information That Could Clear This All Up

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1130034353470602132005-10-22T22:11:00.000-04:002005-10-22T22:25:53.523-04:00Harriet, Sweet Harriet

WACKY LIBERALS EVERYWHERE are trashing sweet, sweet Hariet Meyers and I'm getting SICK OF IT. Number one, she's friggin SWEET AS HELL. B) She KNOWS PRESIDENT BUSH REALLY GOOD! C)She went to LAW SCHOOL.But most importantly, I know some stuff THAT YOU DON'T about HARRIET MYERS. TRUST ME. She's going to KICK SOME EFFING ASS at the SUPREME COURTHOUSE because she is so GODDAMN SWEET.

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1129607250163563422005-10-17T23:34:00.000-04:002005-10-17T23:47:30.213-04:00Good Luck, Mr. FitzLIBERAL

Trust me. Dick is a prober, not a probee.

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1129176877953914112005-10-13T00:07:00.000-04:002005-10-13T00:15:11.600-04:00It's All Happening

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1125694345706362132005-09-02T16:51:00.000-04:002005-09-03T01:19:24.223-04:00Militant Hippie

Update: Somebody gets it:Another question. Why is this smug woman holding up stupid signs instead of volunteering somewhere to help refugees from New Orleans?I mean people are dying and all she can do is kick off her shoes and play politics!

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1124419607148502892005-08-18T22:41:00.000-04:002005-08-18T22:46:47.176-04:00I've Got A Lot On My Mind

Will hopefully have some big news for you soon. I'm just a bit DISTRACTED because of all the HEARTFELT THINKING I've been doing the last couple days.

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1124162424940658292005-08-15T23:45:00.000-04:002005-08-15T23:53:32.566-04:00Electric Voodoo Liberal Arrives In Crawford

FAKE HOMOSEXUAL LEFTY Jimi Hendrix has joined the MILITANT HIPPY TERROR SQUAD. Although long thought dead, I can state with the CERTAINTY OF A SHOE POLISH VETERAN that this BARBARIC HIPPIE is alive and well. How do I know? Simple. I PROBED HIM MYSELF.On faking his death: Arlo told me to do it," Jimi admitted. "He said pretending to be gay might not work in the future because the military was

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1124033037315723342005-08-14T11:28:00.000-04:002005-08-14T11:36:52.966-04:00It's Touch And Go

It is appearing more and more likely that diplomacy will not work with this crew of radicals. DEMOCRATS WITH VIOLENT PASTS are flocking to the scene and a few skirmishes have ALREADY ERUPTED.Chronic FLIP-FLOPPING NORTHEAST MOLESTER APPEASING John Kerry is in town asking THE GOD FEARING LOCALS if he can borrow their WAR MEDALS and throw them into President Bush's KICK ASS RANCH.Though he was

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123957784509370122005-08-13T14:19:00.000-04:002005-08-13T14:36:33.866-04:00FYI . . .

Nouvelle GannonI still get urges.

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123944117569709612005-08-13T09:39:00.000-04:002005-08-13T10:41:57.630-04:00President Bush Will Only Use Force As A LAST RESORT

In an EXCLUSIVE 5-minute PROBING OF THE PRESIDENT, I unvarnished this juicy nugget of a scoop: Our HUMBLE President has decided to only use violence against the BARBARIC HIPPIES WHO HAVE INVADED HIS GOD-FEARING HOME TOWN as a last resort."All options are on the table," Bush, speaking at his ranch in Crawford, Texas, said. Asked if that included the use of force, Bush replied: "As I say, all

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123886076120240632005-08-12T18:24:00.000-04:002005-08-12T18:34:36.126-04:00Elevated From Comments

I don't have time to deal with this NONSENSE because I'm going out to research the Crawford night life in a few minutes. Could someone please straighten out this well-intentioned, YET BONKERS, LEFTY LIBERAL?Doug said... What "noble cause" did any American service person die for in Bush's invasion of Iraq? Our armed forces are in Iraq to make Bush and his cronies richer. Period. End of story. That

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123802716930420812005-08-11T18:54:00.000-04:002006-06-21T21:52:03.663-04:00Lefty Militant Hippies Have Invaded Crawford And Are Being Led By Brainwashed Mothers With Dead Sons Who Died A Noble Death For A Noble Cause

This one's a DOOZY guys. While our WORKAHOLIC PRESIDENT tries to get away for a LITTLE BREATHER, scores of BONKERS HIPPIES have surrounded the city and are BRAINWASHING THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN. After spending a few hours probing six or seven ADMINISTRATION OFFICIALS, I decided to do what I do best: I polished up my trusty brown Nun Bush's and hit the streets. First I talked to the GOD-FEARING

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123732439054901602005-08-10T23:31:00.000-04:002005-08-10T23:53:59.060-04:00The BONKERS LEFTIES ON THE FAR FAR LEFT Have Brainwashed Our Sweet American Mothers

Another great shoe-polish reporter, Bill O'Reilly, does his best to talk some sense into one of the many BRAINWASHED MOMS WITH DEAD SONS who are attempting to disrupt the WAR ON TERRORISM. Won't be long until I'm on the ground in Crawford . . .

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123715507863572072005-08-10T18:53:00.000-04:002006-06-24T16:02:02.133-04:00I Humbly Ask Permission To Temporarily Suspend My Current Assignment In Order To Go To Crawford

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123542162482389642005-08-08T18:03:00.000-04:002005-08-08T20:15:27.066-04:00Excuse Me As I Sound My Barbaric Yawp (The Flashback Post You've Been BEGGING Me For)

The structure of my post will be that of a FLASHBACK EPISODE, similar to certain late era episodes of Family Ties or Growing Pains. The concept is that we're sitting on the sofa or hanging out in the kitchen telling entertaining stories about the past. Do you remember the time a bunch of LOONY SUSAN LIBERAL TROLLS questioned my SHOE POLISH reporting? (WAVY TRANSITION EFFECT) Wasn't that AWESOME

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123354825251341962005-08-06T14:44:00.000-04:002005-08-06T15:00:25.260-04:00I Get Letters (HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF THEM)

Dear Jeff,A lot of times when I try to spread the word about your TOTALLY AWESOME SITE, I have a hard time deciding which great moment in SHOE POLISH JOURNALISM to pass along to my ENTIRE ADDRESS BOOK. Any chance you could do a flash-back post, a la Family Ties?Sincerely,A HUGE FAN! I'll see what I can do.

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123337455118552062005-08-06T09:50:00.000-04:002005-08-06T10:18:29.540-04:00Thank God I've Got My Weapon On Me

I'm prepared for the worse. On my way back from Niger, I had a lot of time to think about the challenge that lies ahead of me. One of the things I like to do before a tough shoe-polish assignment is to list possible ENEMIES OF THE ASSIGNMENT. Since I do most of my probing around the D.C area, I'm used to just listing an ASSORTMENT OF COCKTAIL LIMO LIBERALS, who ultimately pose no threat to my

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123335176975649982005-08-06T09:03:00.000-04:002005-08-06T09:32:56.983-04:00I've Touched Down In SINSINATTI

My fans, by a narrow margin of 125 THOUSAND VOTES, have decided that my SHOE-POLISH SKILLS are desparately needed to investigate SHANANAGANS in OHIO-02, where CRAZY-EYED FRINGE LIBS most likely used GEEKY LEFTISH TECHNOLOGY to make it appear that PENCIL SHARPENER PAUL HACKETT came close to beating CLEAN (YET MEAN WHEN SHE NEEDS TO BE)JEAN SCHMIDT. There are countless people to probe in the

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10470470.post-1123284737698010312005-08-05T19:18:00.000-04:002005-08-05T19:38:44.653-04:00My Weapon Is Back In Proper Hands

GOOD NEWS. On my way out of this LIBERAL OVEN OF A COUNTRY I was able to reclaim my weapon. It is now safely in my hands as I fly from Niger to my next assignment. I will announce the winner when MY POLISH HITS AMERICAN SOIL. Here's a reminder about some of the details of my weapon. And since some of you hate wasting your time clicking on link SUGGESTIONS, I will reprint instead of link:I call it

J. Gannonnoreply@blogger.com2