Chimps At Work

An Indecent Proposal

2008-02-16T07:28:00.001-05:00

Shamelessly stolen, title and all, from BabbleFest. (O.K., actually, we asked.)

Look Before You Buy

2007-12-15T08:33:00.000-05:00

[Reprinted by permission from Personal and Family Finance]

In the run up to Christmas, the rush to get the perfect gift, or the gift someone really wants, can lead to some bad decisions and wasted money. Not everyone can be an expert on every subject, and that is certainly true of high tech gadgets. It’s easy to end up with the wrong thing, or something much more expensive than needed, especially when you don’t know much about the product and you are relying entirely on a salesperson or sales literature. One way to minimize these risks is to be an educated shopper, and know at least the basics about the item you are shopping for.

The blog Tech Toys Explained published the following helpful list, reprinted here by permission. Please note, these are not websites actually selling the specific items, they are informational sites with tons of information.

Apple iphone

Personal Digital Assistant (pda)

Security Cameras

all about Satellite TV and Radio

all about HDTV

What You Need To Know About Digital Photography

High Definition Video Cameras

Bluetooth Basics

Broadband Internet

Cellular Phones

Digital Cameras

GPS Devices

HDTV

LCD and Plasma Televisions

mp3

VOIP

the Apple iPhone

Time is Running Out - if You're Still Not Ready for Christmas

2007-12-10T13:30:00.000-05:00

Here are a couple of sites worth visiting if you're looking for tips or hints on decorating or shopping; traditions, trivia, games to occupy the kids, or pretty much anything that says "Christmas":

Christmas Magic

all about Christmas

Looking for Christmas gift Ideas? Try

Holiday Gift Ideas

Merry Christmas ... or, if you prefer, Happy Holidays.

This is Not Your Father's "Nutcracker"

2007-11-29T15:59:00.001-05:00

Remedial Geography for Mexican Nationals

2007-11-27T22:08:00.000-05:00

Purdue University Joins the Cover-Up!

2007-06-20T10:13:00.000-05:00

Purdue University has generated a 3-D computer simulation furthering the LIE that muslim terrorists in hijacked jets, not the evil Chimpy McBushHitler and his secret cadre of demolitions experts using invisible explosives, caused the 9/11 disaster. Quick, somebody call Rosie O'Dumbass to get her mouth in gear explaining why Purdue is now in on the conspiracy!

You can read about this ridiculous effort at hiding the truth, carried out by, like, actual engineers and professors and experts and stuff, here.

Or, you can just go ahead and believe the idiotic theories put forth by REAL authorities, like film-school dropouts and pizza-delivery boys, in their little films.

Sharp as a Sack of Wet Leather

2007-05-09T04:51:00.000-05:00

Well, at least the Democrats in congress have got their priorities in order. They won't fund troops in the field unless they get to run the war, a notion unique in U.S. history and directly contrary to the U.S. Constitution, and they'd rather spend intelligence money on global warming research than on stupid stuff like, say, gathering intelligence on terrorists and other enemies.
From the Washington Times:

The House next week will consider the Democrat-crafted Intelligence Authorization bill, which includes a provision directing an assessment of the effects that climate change has on national security.
"Our job is to steal secrets," said Rep. Peter Hoekstra of Michigan, the ranking Republican on the Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence.
"There are all kinds of people analyzing global warming, the Democrats even have a special committee on this," he told The Washington Times. "There's no value added by the intelligence community here; they have no special expertise, and this takes money and resources away from other threats."
Democrats, who outnumber Republicans on the committee, blocked the minority from stripping the warming language from the bill. Intelligence panel Chairman Silvestre Reyes, Texas Democrat, said the climate-change study is one of several shifts his party has made to intelligence policy.
"We're concerned that global warming might impact our ability to maintain national security," he told The Times, describing the idea as "cutting edge."

"Cutting edge." Yeah. There's a Warner Brothers cartoon where Foghorn Leghorn describes somebody as being "about as sharp as a sack of wet leather." Shifting intelligence policy from gathering intelligence to studying global warming. Yep. About as sharp as a sack of wet leather.

"Skyrocketing" Deficit Still Plummeting Like a Stone

2007-05-01T17:32:00.000-05:00

From Babblefest, a tongue-in-cheek look at the actual state of the economy, one of this country's best kept secrets, entitled "That Darned Incompetent President Bush":

The Bush administration just can't do anything right.

First, all numbers have demonstrated that his "tax cuts for the rich" in fact resulted in the rich paying more taxes, the middle class paying less taxes, and millions of lower-income workers being dropped from the tax rolls completely. Of course, that's what the administration said they were trying to accomplish, but you know whatever they say is a lie, and they really meant to cut taxes for the rich.

Now come more numbers that show that Bush's plan to cut the deficit in half by the end of his second term, which, of course, we all know was a lie to cover up the
"skyrocketing" deficit, is also a bust. In fact, Bush's "skyrocketing" deficit
has dropped from $455 billion in April 2004 to $145 billion. And without raising
taxes! In fact, unless someone intervenes - and quickly - to slow economic
growth by, say, raising taxes, at this rate the deficit will disappear entirely by 2009. Clearly, this administration is completely incompetent, if not criminal, in their handling of the economy.

Check the whole thing. Lots of numbers, courtesy of a private investment resource.

Let's get ready to rumble...

2006-04-07T12:56:00.000-05:00

The Box Under Bill & Hillary's Bed

2006-02-25T00:18:00.000-05:00

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box
under the bed. You must promise never to look in it."

In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the
afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the better of her and
she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer cans
and $81,874.25 in cash.

She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew
what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was
such a box with such contents.

That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After
dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed,
saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years I kept my promise and
never looked into the box under our bed. However, today, the temptation
was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the
3 beer cans in the box?"

Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth, Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an
empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula, and Monica. I am
very disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are
addicted to sex, I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad
considering your problem."

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their
peace.

A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money
in the box?"

Bill answered: "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took
them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."

[received via email - if you know the origin, please let us know]

New Landmark to redefine N.O. as the "Chocolate City"

2006-01-26T14:23:00.000-05:00

President Hiallry's First Night in Office

2006-01-20T03:23:00.000-05:00

Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House. She is lying in bed when the ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Washington responds, "Never tell a lie."

"Ouch!" says Hillary, "I don't know about that."

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears. Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."

"Ohhh!" says Hillary. "I really don't want to do that."

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears and Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln answers, "Go to the theater."

[found this at Valencia Falls]

Rove Implicated In Identity Leak

2005-12-28T09:34:00.000-05:00

December 21, 2005

WASHINGTON, DC—The recent leak revealing Santa Claus to be "your mommy and daddy" has been linked to President Bush's senior political adviser and deputy chief of staff Karl Rove, who stands accused of revealing the non-existence of Santa (below).

"If this devastating leak, which severely undermines the security of children everywhere and has compromised parent-child relations, came from the highest levels of the White House, that is an outrage," said former Bush counterterrorism adviser and outspoken Bush Administration critic Richard Clarke.

The identity of the mythical holiday gift-giver, previously known only in grown-up circles, was published in the popular Timbertoes cartoon in the December issue of Highlights For Children. Jean Abrams, a conservative firebrand known to have close ties to Bush appointees in the Department of Education, revealed "Santa" to be a code name for anonymous parental gift-giving.

Abrams and several other children's-magazine journalists, including Ranger Rick's Kristin Brittany and Cricket managing editor Shaina Belowitz, have testified before a federal grand jury on the source of the leak. Sources say that Randall Polk, Washington bureau chief for Weekly Reader, named Rove after serving eight days in jail for refusing to divulge his sources.

Federal investigators began to suspect a White House connection to the Santa leak when Abrams wrote in Timbertoes that the character of Pa had some "devastating information" on "very high authority."

"Did you know that Santa Claus is really just your mommy and daddy?" Pa's dialogue read. "It's true. Sometimes parents tell little white lies to their children to make them feel special."

Clarke criticized the leak as "foolhardy," saying it was "the kind of conduct you would expect from dangerous zealots who routinely confuse short-term political gain with the national interest."

"This leak compromises generations of undercover work on the part of U.S. parents," Clarke said. "Consider all the covers that will be blown, all the secret gift-hiding places that will be exposed."

The motivations behind the leak remain unclear, but some political observers have characterized it as a calculated act of retribution against Fairfax, VA second-grader Madison Harris. Harris, 7, wore an antiwar T-shirt to her elementary school during a Nov. 2 visit by Education Secretary Margaret Spellings.

"The shirt, decorated with doves and the word 'peace,' angered White House ideologues, who felt that Harris had undermined a tightly orchestrated visit," independent political media watchdog Ellen Applebee said. "An aggressive attempt to hit Harris where she lived was set in motion."

On Nov. 3, Rove told reporters, "People shouldn't take too seriously the opinions of someone who still thinks a fat man slides down the chimney into her living room every December 25."

On Nov. 6, he told several aides, "I don't consider it precocious to wear peace T-shirts and, from what I hear, read Highlights."

Applebee cited these comments as evidence of "Rove's deliberate campaign against Harris."
During that same week, Rove is also believed to have placed calls to several of the children's-magazine journalists who were later called before the grand jury.

If Rove is responsible for leaking Santa's identity to the world's children, it would not be his first political "dirty trick." In 1988, he was fired from George H. W. Bush's presidential campaign for sending an unsigned letter to the young daughter of a Dukakis campaign adviser. In the letter, he revealed the sad ending of the film Old Yeller.

On Capitol Hill, many say they believe that the damage has already been done. Clarke cited the absence of Santas from several department stores across the country as possible evidence that their compromised identities fatally damaged their credibility.

"I don't envy parents of young children right now," Clarke said. "Trust has been shattered. I wouldn't be surprised if some moms and dads are forced into hiding."

[I received this in an e-mail and have no idea where it originated. Please let me know if you have any information about the original source]

The Office Christmas Party

2005-12-13T14:56:00.000-05:00

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 4th
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the Managing Director shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director will make a special announcement at the party.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Pauline
____________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 5th
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday,which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. From now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians.

There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Pauline.
_______________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 6th
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!

How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?

Forget about the gift exchange. No gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and Management believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.
__________________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 7th
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously,we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.

Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restroom, gays are allowed to sit with each other, lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too.

To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.

Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?

Pauline.
______________________________________________________________

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All $#%$#@@#$&* Employees
DATE: November 8th
RE: The #$%@#$@!%$# Holiday Party

Vegetarians, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not. So, you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death"as you so quaintly put it.

You'll get your #%#@$#@#$ salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too!! They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'M HEARING THEM SCREAM RIGHT NOW!!

Hope you all have a rotten holiday. Go drink, drive and die!!

The $%#%$@*&^$%# !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_________________________________________________________________

FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: November 9th
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party.

Cindy Sheehan victimized by right-wing media!

2005-12-02T10:27:00.000-05:00

Cindy Sheehan, media darling of the “anti-war” movement, is now complaining that she is being unfairly treated by the media.

Sheehan, already exposed as dishonest (“all I want is a meeting” – which of course she’d already had) and a raving anti-semitic (yes, she really said those things, even if the NY Times won’t print it), now reveals just how self-absorbed and self-important her self-centered “movement” is. Editor and Publisher reports that Cindy is upset that the media portrayed her book signing and anti-war rally, attended by maybe 100 people, as a flop:

NEW YORK Antiwar activist Cindy Sheehan and her book publisher are upset about Associated Press and Reuters photos that allegedly presented a misleading impression of her book signing last weekend in Texas.

Well, no, Cindy, “misleading” is when you imply that your son Casey was “a boy” considering “the priesthood” who was taken advantage of by big bad recruiters who misled him. Casey Sheehan was in fact a twenty-four year old man who made a man’s decision to reenlist while there was a war going on. He made another man’s decision to volunteer for the rescue mission on which he was killed. And Casey Sheehan persisted in that decision to volunteer after reminded that his classification as a mechanic’s helper made him exempt.

Cindy’s apparent inability to distinguish fact from fiction allows her to believe that a rally and book signing attended by 100 people or fewer is a big event. And her peculiar view of reality seems to have rubbed off on the publisher, who thinks the event was a “huge success”

The Washington Post, which carried Evan Vucci's AP photo, noted that at a protest the same day Sheehan had addressed a crowd of only about 100. “In the morning,” the Post observed, “Sheehan signed copies of her new book, being published this week, for an even smaller crowd,” although it cited bad weather as a possible factor.

But in a statement today, Sheehan accused “right-wing” sites of “spreading a false story that nobody bought my book at Camp Casey on Saturday. That is not true, I sold all 100 copies and got writer's cramp signing them. Photos were taken of me before the people got in line to have me sign the book. We made $2000 for the peace house.”

Her publisher, Arnie Kotler at Koa Books, meanwhile released a letter to her supporters, charging that “AP and Reuters posted photos - I can't imagine why - of Cindy sitting at the book table between signings, rather than while someone was at the table. And now the smear websites are circulating an article, with these photos, that Cindy gave a signing and nobody came. It's simply not true…. the benefit books signing in Crawford, Texas on November 26, 2005 was well attended and a huge success.”

AP photographer Evan Vucci responded that he was at the book signing from 10:00 a.m. to 11:00 a.m., that at the time the pictures were taken, about five people had been in, and a few small groups continued to arrive later.

[also posted at GeoBandy]

Man mistaken for deer, left dead on roadside for days

2005-11-30T14:18:00.000-05:00

Now here's a gruesome little news item for you:

FRANKLIN, Pa. -- Pennsylvania police said a man who died after being struck by a vehicle may have been left on a roadside for days because his body was apparently mistaken for a dead deer.

Police said the man was found on Monday by a motorist, who at first thought the man was a deer because of tan clothing and snow that covered part of his body.

The motorist realized the man wasn't a deer after noticing his shoes.

Authorities believe that many others drove past the body, assuming it was a deer. Police said the man was a passenger in a vehicle that wrecked last Friday.

Police said he'd been walking along the road when he was hit and killed by another vehicle.

Maybe the hit-skip driver who hit and killed him and then left the scene and never reported it also thought he was a deer. Right? Yeah, sure.

A Thanksgiving Story

2005-11-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

[also posted at GeoBandy]

Public schools sponsor anti-Bush "field trip"

2005-11-05T08:03:00.000-05:00

Posting at BabbleFest, J.P Jones reports on a school-sponsored trip to an anti-US anti-Bush hatefest:

From Neil Boortz' website:

If you are sending your child to a government school for their daily programming, chances are overwhelming that your bundle of joy is going to wind up becoming a liberal Democrat. Today, courtesy of The Los Angeles Unified School District, we're going to show you how it's done.

There was a Bush-bashing rally being held in Los Angeles the other day. It was called "The World Can't Wait – Drive Out the Bush Regime." Eager for as many people to attend as possible, the school district allowed 800 high school students from 10 schools to walk right out of class to attend. No word if they were given extra credit for their participation.

On top of that, adult staff were supplied to accompany them, and buses were provided for their return. That's right...taxpayer money being spent for the whole thing. Now stop and ask yourself something for a minute...suppose an anti-Hillary Clinton rally were being held. Would the same courtesy be extended? Of course not. The students wouldn't even be given the time of day to attend.

But because it was an event protesting the evil George Bush....the liberal, leftist, bedwetting school administration jumped right on board. Those who send their children off to be indoctrinated in government schools should take note.

Through the wonder of modern technology which is the internet, we don't have to guess at what went on at this school-sponsored day trip.

Courtesy of Little Green Footballs, we have available a photographic sampling of the fine educational fare made available to the kiddies at taxpayer expense, compiled and published by the seemingly ever-present Zombie. Check out the photo gallery for yourself, and watch for the three main themes: Communism is the world's salvation, 9/11 was perpetrated by the US government, and, of course, President Bush is evil/retarded/Hitler/a chimp.

Remember, some school administrators decided this was a wise expenditure of taxpayers' dollars. Do you know what they're doing in your kids' schools? Maybe you better find out.

[also posted at GeoBandy]

Never Underestimate the Power of Makeup!

2005-10-26T08:02:00.000-05:00

Halloween pumpkin carving

2005-10-18T12:51:00.000-05:00

With Halloween approaching, we thought we'd share these instructions on "How to Carve a Pumpkin". The simple faces using geometric shapes we did when I was a kid are no longer the norm, as more and more people buy pumpkin carving kits, complete with elaborate patterns to transfer to the pumpkin, resulting in intricately detailed pictures, as opposed to simple faces. So here you go, complete, detailed procedures for getting an impressive looking carved pumpkin onto your front porch.

<http://www.liquidgeneration.com/sabotage/pumpkin_carve.asp>

2005 deficit down almost 23%, better than Europe or Japan

2005-10-17T23:21:00.000-05:00

USA Today reports on the federal government’s deficit figures for the 2005 fiscal year, which ended September 30. As I have previously reported, increased tax revenues resulting from the tax cut-fueled economic expansion (growth rate at around 4%) has resulted in a huge increase in tax revenues collected by the government.. The result is that the deficit has dropped nearly 23% in one year, leaving the US with a lower deficit rate than western European nations or Japan.

So why do so many on the left and in the mainstream media continue to talk about the economy in negative terms and harp on “skyrocketing” deficits? Because that’s what the agenda calls for, no matter what the actual facts may be.

WASHINGTON — The federal deficit hit $319 billion for the budget year that just ended, down significantly from last year's record red ink, although a surge in Katrina-driven spending promises to drive the shortfall up again.

The improvement from the record $412 billion recorded in the 2004 budget year, which the Treasury Department reported on Friday, is largely due to a surge in federal revenues from an improving economy.

Although the 2005 shortfall was the third-highest ever recorded in absolute terms, White House officials -- and most economists -- say the most important measure of the deficit is its size compared to the economy.

In those terms, the deficit measured 2.6% of gross domestic product. The 2004 deficit, by contrast, equaled 3.6% of GDP. That is well below the post-World War II worst-ever record, a 6% figure set in 1983 under President Reagan.

It is also lower than the government budget deficits for many industrialized countries. Although the European Union officially requires its members to keep deficits at 3% or lower, France, Germany and the United Kingdom currently run government budget deficits exceeding that goal, while Italy's budget deficit tops 4%. Japan's budget deficit averaged almost 6% from 1994 to 2003 and now approaches 7%.

So deficits are not skyrocketing, our deficit compares very favorably with other major industrialized nations, and, best of all, these are real figures for the past year, not imaginary numbers. You would think all this economic good news would be big news, front page news, tv newscast lead story news.

Well, you would think so, if the goal of the news organizations was to actually report news.

A picture is worth a thousand words...

2005-09-30T09:08:00.000-05:00

New address for HISTORIUM

2005-09-29T21:17:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite sites, HISTORIUM, has relocated to a new address, HERE. Scriptor does a nice job with generally relatively short posts on a wide variety of primarily historical topics. After a late-summer hiatus and some relocation dislocation (moving is always a pain in the posterior) he's back to posting regularly. Stop by the new place and visit a spell.

Priceless...

2005-09-28T15:02:00.000-05:00

Never Forget

2005-09-11T00:26:00.000-05:00