Meta-Metta

Templates for Mindfulness

2009-05-05T19:21:00.003Z

Life is a constant stream of new challenges and pitfalls. Around every corner, something pops up to snag us and pull us down, just as other things come into view that lead to greater clarity and joy in life. A book I've been reading recently ("In This Very Life", Sayadaw U Pandita), reminds us to 're-apply helpful conditions from the past', a practice which I have found very rewarding.

The key is simply to notice what sorts of events in your life lead to a state of flow. If you're not paying attention, the up and down swings may seem arbitrary or completely random, but if you look a little closer, it's pretty easy to see that's not the case. Sure, life will throw us a curve ball, but there are certain conditions that help tow the bottom line. These are probably different for everyone, but what follows are some of mine.

Keeping Things Neat

I work from home. That means that if I want to, I can really live in a giant, nasty mess, and the worst that might happen is my girlfriend might nag me from time to time. But when my place is clean, I work better. What's more, the act of cleaning and keeping things tidy feels refreshing in and of itself. It's hard to remember this when I'm stressed, or miserable, or bored, but in the end, less clutter in my room means less clutter in my mind.

Staying Productive

I'm generally happier when I'm getting stuff done. I'm lucky enough to say that pretty much all of the projects I work on, even my commercial work, is stuff that I value and want to see move forward. It's easy to flow when I'm working on something I'm passionate about. Day to day, the hardest thing for me is getting started, and the second hardest thing is to avoid getting distracted. Lately, I've been using the Pomodoro method, which has been working quite well when I use it, and in the past, I've used minimal ZTD and enjoyed it. The particular system doesn't matter so much as it does to have one and actually use it. Without that, I'm way too busy watching slap chop.

Keeping my Mind Sharp and my Heart Open

Though it's usually the first good habit that I break whenever I start feeling at ends with life, there are few things that come close to the transformative power that insight meditation has on my life. As it turns out, more and more geeks are getting into this stuff, so just like when people ask me how to install Ruby on OS X, I can tell you to go over to HiveLogic to get the lowdown on Mindfulness practice.

Lots of people value this sort of meditation as a form of effective mind hacking, and it's great for that. However, as a practicing Buddhist, I look at it as a vehicle to give me greater insights into deeper spiritual questions. What I do know is that when I pay attention to my actions, I'm more aware of the impact they have on others, and that in turn, changes the way that I look at things as well as the way I live my life.

I am happier when my stress doesn't pour out on other people in arguments, when I am not quick to judge or condemn, and when the spirit of generosity comes from within rather than via some ulterior motive. Mindfulness meditation, along with some studying of contemporary and classic Buddhist texts, helps me do those things.

Taking Care of my Body

Staying clean. Eating well. Getting up and moving about. Paying attention to posture. Not sleeping too much or too little. Taking breaks from work to make sure I'm well hydrated, and that I'm stretching whatever limbs have been falling asleep while I type. All these things sound simple, and are simple, but are easy to forget if your mind is elsewhere. I find if I listen to the physical signals my body sends me, and heed its advice, I'm rarely regretful.

I guess that pretty much sums it up. Just a few reminders to myself, and a call to anyone who might come across this to sit down for a few minutes and think about the things that improve their conditions in life. You can't control what happens day to day, but you can set the stage, and that is deeply tied to what will ultimately play out.

The other 338 pages of a 451 page "Emergency Rescue Bill"

2008-10-02T16:10:00.006Z

I'm pretty sure that between cheap Puerto Rican Rum (sec 308, DIV C) and protections from terrorists (sec 402, DIV C) will fix our mortgage problems right away!

Here's the table of contents for what starts on page 113 of 451:

DIVISION B

TITLE I—ENERGY PRODUCTION INCENTIVES

Subtitle A—Renewable Energy Incentives
Sec. 101. Renewable energy credit.
Sec. 102. Production credit for electricity produced from marine renewables.
Sec. 103. Energy credit.
Sec. 104. Energy credit for small wind property.
Sec. 105. Energy credit for geothermal heat pump systems.
Sec. 106. Credit for residential energy efficient property.
Sec. 107. New clean renewable energy bonds.
Sec. 108. Credit for steel industry fuel.
Sec. 109. Special rule to implement FERC and State electric restructuring pol-
icy.
Subtitle B—Carbon Mitigation and Coal Provisions
Sec. 111. Expansion and modification of advanced coal project investment cred-
it.
Sec. 112. Expansion and modification of coal gasification investment credit.
Sec. 113. Temporary increase in coal excise tax; funding of Black Lung Dis-
ability Trust Fund.
Sec. 114. Special rules for refund of the coal excise tax to certain coal pro-
ducers and exporters.
Sec. 115. Tax credit for carbon dioxide sequestration.
Sec. 116. Certain income and gains relating to industrial source carbon dioxide
treated as qualifying income for publicly traded partnerships.
Sec. 117. Carbon audit of the tax code.
TITLE II—TRANSPORTATION AND DOMESTIC FUEL SECURITY
PROVISIONS
Sec. 201. Inclusion of cellulosic biofuel in bonus depreciation for biomass eth-
anol plant property.
Sec. 202. Credits for biodiesel and renewable diesel.
Sec. 203. Clarification that credits for fuel are designed to provide an incentive
for United States production.
Sec. 204. Extension and modification of alternative fuel credit.
Sec. 205. Credit for new qualified plug-in electric drive motor vehicles.
Sec. 206. Exclusion from heavy truck tax for idling reduction units and ad-
vanced insulation.
Sec. 207. Alternative fuel vehicle refueling property credit.
Sec. 208. Certain income and gains relating to alcohol fuels and mixtures, bio-
diesel fuels and mixtures, and alternative fuels and mixtures
treated as qualifying income for publicly traded partnerships.
Sec. 209. Extension and modification of election to expense certain refineries.
Sec. 210. Extension of suspension of taxable income limit on percentage deple-
tion for oil and natural gas produced from marginal properties.
Sec. 211. Transportation fringe benefit to bicycle commuters.
TITLE III—ENERGY CONSERVATION AND EFFICIENCY
PROVISIONS
Sec. 301. Qualified energy conservation bonds.
Sec. 302. Credit for nonbusiness energy property.
Sec. 303. Energy efficient commercial buildings deduction.
Sec. 304. New energy efficient home credit.
Sec. 305. Modifications of energy efficient appliance credit for appliances pro-
duced after 2007.
Sec. 306. Accelerated recovery period for depreciation of smart meters and
smart grid systems.
Sec. 307. Qualified green building and sustainable design projects.
Sec. 308. Special depreciation allowance for certain reuse and recycling prop-
erty.
TITLE IV—REVENUE PROVISIONS
Sec. 401. Limitation of deduction for income attributable to domestic produc-
tion of oil, gas, or primary products thereof.
Sec. 402. Elimination of the different treatment of foreign oil and gas extrac-
tion income and foreign oil related income for purposes of the
foreign tax credit.
Sec. 403. Broker reporting of customer’s basis in securities transactions.
Sec. 404. 0.2 percent FUTA surtax.
Sec. 405. Increase and extension of Oil Spill Liability Trust Fund tax.

DIVISION C

Sec. 1. Short title; amendment of 1986 Code; table of contents.
TITLE I—ALTERNATIVE MINIMUM TAX RELIEF
Sec. 101. Extension of alternative minimum tax relief for nonrefundable per-
sonal credits.
Sec. 102. Extension of increased alternative minimum tax exemption amount.
Sec. 103. Increase of AMT refundable credit amount for individuals with long-
term unused credits for prior year minimum tax liability, etc.
TITLE II—EXTENSION OF INDIVIDUAL TAX PROVISIONS
Sec. 201. Deduction for State and local sales taxes.
Sec. 202. Deduction of qualified tuition and related expenses.
262
Sec. 203. Deduction for certain expenses of elementary and secondary school
teachers.
Sec. 204. Additional standard deduction for real property taxes for non-
itemizers.
Sec. 205. Tax-free distributions from individual retirement plans for charitable
purposes.
Sec. 206. Treatment of certain dividends of regulated investment companies.
Sec. 207. Stock in RIC for purposes of determining estates of nonresidents not
citizens.
Sec. 208. Qualified investment entities.
TITLE III—EXTENSION OF BUSINESS TAX PROVISIONS
Sec. 301. Extension and modification of research credit.
Sec. 302. New markets tax credit.
Sec. 303. Subpart F exception for active financing income.
Sec. 304. Extension of look-thru rule for related controlled foreign corporations.
Sec. 305. Extension of 15-year straight-line cost recovery for qualified leasehold
improvements and qualified restaurant improvements; 15-year
straight-line cost recovery for certain improvements to retail
space.
Sec. 306. Modification of tax treatment of certain payments to controlling ex-
empt organizations.
Sec. 307. Basis adjustment to stock of S corporations making charitable con-
tributions of property.
Sec. 308. Increase in limit on cover over of rum excise tax to Puerto Rico and
the Virgin Islands.
Sec. 309. Extension of economic development credit for American Samoa.
Sec. 310. Extension of mine rescue team training credit.
Sec. 311. Extension of election to expense advanced mine safety equipment.
Sec. 312. Deduction allowable with respect to income attributable to domestic
production activities in Puerto Rico.
Sec. 313. Qualified zone academy bonds.
Sec. 314. Indian employment credit.
Sec. 315. Accelerated depreciation for business property on Indian reservations.
Sec. 316. Railroad track maintenance.
Sec. 317. Seven-year cost recovery period for motorsports racing track facility.
Sec. 318. Expensing of environmental remediation costs.
Sec. 319. Extension of work opportunity tax credit for Hurricane Katrina em-
ployees.
Sec. 320. Extension of increased rehabilitation credit for structures in the Gulf
Opportunity Zone.
Sec. 321. Enhanced deduction for qualified computer contributions.
Sec. 322. Tax incentives for investment in the District of Columbia.
Sec. 323. Enhanced charitable deductions for contributions of food inventory.
Sec. 324. Extension of enhanced charitable deduction for contributions of book
inventory.
Sec. 325. Extension and modification of duty suspension on wool products; wool
research fund; wool duty refunds.
TITLE IV—EXTENSION OF TAX ADMINISTRATION PROVISIONS
Sec. 401. Permanent authority for undercover operations.
Sec. 402. Permanent authority for disclosure of information relating to terrorist
activities.
TITLE V—ADDITIONAL TAX RELIEF AND OTHER TAX
PROVISIONS
Subtitle A—General Provisions
Sec. 501. $8,500 income threshold used to calculate refundable portion of child
tax credit.
Sec. 502. Provisions related to film and television productions.
Sec. 503. Exemption from excise tax for certain wooden arrows designed for
use by children.
Sec. 504. Income averaging for amounts received in connection with the Exxon
Valdez litigation.
Sec. 505. Certain farming business machinery and equipment treated as 5-year
property.
Sec. 506. Modification of penalty on understatement of taxpayer’s liability by
tax return preparer.
Subtitle B—Paul Wellstone and Pete Domenici Mental Health Parity and
Addiction Equity Act of 2008
Sec. 511. Short title.
Sec. 512. Mental health parity.
TITLE VI—OTHER PROVISIONS
Sec. 601. Secure rural schools and community self-determination program.
Sec. 602. Transfer to abandoned mine reclamation fund.
TITLE VII—DISASTER RELIEF
Subtitle A—Heartland and Hurricane Ike Disaster Relief
Sec. 701. Short title.
Sec. 702. Temporary tax relief for areas damaged by 2008 Midwestern severe
storms, tornados, and flooding.
Sec. 703. Reporting requirements relating to disaster relief contributions.
Sec. 704. Temporary tax-exempt bond financing and low-income housing tax re-
lief for areas damaged by Hurricane Ike.
Subtitle B—National Disaster Relief
Sec. 706. Losses attributable to federally declared disasters.
Sec. 707. Expensing of Qualified Disaster Expenses.
Sec. 708. Net operating losses attributable to federally declared disasters.
Sec. 709. Waiver of certain mortgage revenue bond requirements following fed-
erally declared disasters.
Sec. 710. Special depreciation allowance for qualified disaster property.
Sec. 711. Increased expensing for qualified disaster assistance property.
Sec. 712. Coordination with Heartland disaster relief.
TITLE VIII—SPENDING REDUCTIONS AND APPROPRIATE
REVENUE RAISERS FOR NEW TAX RELIEF POLICY
Sec. 801. Nonqualified deferred compensation from certain tax indifferent par-
ties.

My concerns about the Senate financial services bill, without commentary

2008-10-02T14:43:00.010Z

The news sources I've read seem to be devoid of direct references to parts of this mega-bill the Senate just passed, so I decided to give it a quick skim. The items on the list are the ones that caught my eye as cause for concern.

You can grab the bill via C-SPAN

SEC. 101. PURCHASES OF TROUBLED ASSETS.
(c) Necessary Actions (especially 1 and 3)

SEC 107 CONTRACTING PROCEDURES.
(a) Streamlined Process
(b) Additional Contracting Requirements

SEC. 113. MINIMIZATION OF LONG-TERM COSTS AND MAXIMIZATION OF BENEFITS FOR TAXPAYERS.
(d) CONDITIONS ON PURCHASE AUTHORITY FOR WARRANTS AND DEBT INSTRUMENTS
(3) EXCEPTIONS (especially (A))

SEC. 115. GRADUATED AUTHORIZATION TO PURCHASE.
(a) Authority

SEC. 119. JUDICIAL REVIEW AND RELATED MATTERS.
(a) Judicial Review
(3) LIMITATION ON ACTIONS BY PARTICIPATING COMPANIES

SEC. 122. INCREASE IN STATUTORY LIMIT ON THE PUBLIC DEBT.

SEC. 125. CONGRESSIONAL OVERSIGHT PANEL.
(c) Membership
(2) PAY

SEC. 136. TEMPORARY INCREASE IN DEPOSIT AND SHARE INSURANCE COVERAGE.
(a) Temporary Increase in Deposit Insurance
(1) INCREASED AMOUNT

DIVISION B—ENERGY IMPROVEMENT AND EXTENSION ACT
(all of this division)

DIVISION C—TAX EXTENDERS AND ALTERNATIVE MINIMUM TAX RELIEF
(all of this division)

Please consider taking a look at just the table of contents for Division B and C. Then, decide for yourself (regardless of their relative merit), whether they have anything to do with Division A.

If anyone has any comments or questions about the sections above, or issues of their own with this bill, feel free to post them here for discussion or contact your state representatives.

旧金山之旅

2008-09-30T16:45:00.008Z

Celebrating with the groom's dad, who taught me that Chinese drink wine like shots.

Arugula: The Rocket Plant you can cook with!

2008-08-12T18:59:00.005Z

Sometimes, OS X makes me chuckle. A simple 'Also know as...' would have made this far less entertaining.

No more programming here

2008-08-06T16:52:00.002Z

When I started this blog, I wanted to make it about 'whatever I wanted to talk about'. Despite the enjoyment of writing that way, only a handful of people might enjoy reading that sort of blog, which might explain the lack of comments here.

So, I've decided to start up a new blog that's dedicated to just technical content. Though it makes me a little bit sad that people are often only interested in what you excel at rather than simply what you like to do, I think this approach will be better, allowing me to focus on greater quality on the other blog, and allowing this blog to devolve into a playground for my vaguely artistic interests.

Depending on what you like, you'll be getting more of it either way.

These boys are not brothers, they are friends

2008-08-02T19:36:00.003Z

It's really interesting how Rosetta Stone uses visual learning to teach language, and I'm often really impressed by their way of coming up with suitable imagery to teach sort of complicated concepts.

This one is "These boys are not brothers, they are friends", from my Chinese language version:

I thought the use of race difference was a bit surprising, but then I thought about it. How else might this concept be illustrated? I couldn't think of a better way, but does anyone have any ideas?

"September 11th" Security Fee

2008-07-29T15:22:00.001Z

Jia just booked our flights for Lone Star RubyConf and for the first time ever, I noticed the "September 11th" Security Fee on our bill. I rarely even look at my flight confirmations, but this got me a bit confused.

I looked it up, and sure enough on the TSA website, a $2.50 fee is charged every time anyone gets on a plane in the US. Great, so not only do I need to be treated like a criminal at the airport, stripping off my shoes and belt and holding my laptop out in its own tray, ensuring it lays flat for inspection, while I try to dig the loose change out of my pockets to avoid getting a metal detector jammed between my legs... I need to also pay for the pleasure of doing this.

I know the money to pay for the TSA has to come from somewhere, and if this prevents too much of it from coming out of tax dollars, that's an improvement. However, why can't the airports / airlines pay for this? Despite the perceived 'security' the TSA offers to passengers, I think many people would be just as happy to fly out of an airport where they didn't need to go through in-processing comparable with most prisons. But just because the government is scared, we need to pay to make them feel more comfortable.

It's a shame that this money that goes to the "September 11th Security Fee", can't go to you know... paying for the costs of withdrawing the military from Iraq. Or for improving real homeland security, such as hiring people who won't um... ignore claims such as "We are going to fly planes into such and such buildings on such and such a date". Or maybe, and this is a crazy idea, we could use that money to reduce our foreign imperialism and increase our foreign civil aid programs. Any of those things would make me happy.

But as much as an idealist as I am, I can compromise. If you're going to ask me to pay for a service I despise, just call it "Security Fee". Don't throw September 11th in there to make me all weepy eyed and complacent. Don't make me feel like I'm doing my patriotic duty. Just let me know that I'm paying a Security Fee so Bruno the police academy dropout can ask me several questions about the magnetic Go board I sometimes bring on the plane. Then, I'll resume thinking that our government is just an inefficient, lumbering beast that can't quite figure out how to get things right, rather than some fascist state where nationalism can be used as an excuse to skim money out of every nook and cranny.

2008-07-21T16:46:00.001Z

The Great Wall between us wasn't built from stone and earth,
But this didn't make it any easier to penetrate.

I came in setting the world ablaze,
trying to thaw your frozen heart.

But my cultural revolution, left unchecked
went from a great leap forward to two steps back

And now that my fire has spread too far,
I need your cool waters to keep me safe.

My chaos and your calm, can work together.
We've learned how to love
now let's learn how to live
with each other.

After a Night of Being Drunken, Choose Dunkin

2008-06-18T21:22:00.009Z

If only product advertisements reflected real humanity, you might find things like this in a magazine spread:

The creepy picture of Paul and I shows a sharp contrast to this real advertisement:

I have to admit, the hot woman attempting to fellate the pile of donuts is definitely more sexy than our hung over, depressingly shirtless bodies, but what are you more likely to encounter in life?

A sheet of ice

2008-06-18T16:13:00.003Z

A sheet of ice, miles high, no end in sight
Climbs through the cold air towards the sun
Until it stops climbing, starts melting.
Drops of water cascade back to the earth
A fine mist at first, later a torrent
Forming rivers, lakes and oceans
Water a divine form of energy
Imbued with sunshine
Gives life to a single tree
And then another, and then a forest
The forest becomes home to rabbits
Chipmunks and geese, and the myriad creatures
The flora and fauna, hunted and gathered by man
Give rise to advanced civilization, to humanity
Man repays the earth with poison gas
First bringing a great warmth
Then bringing endless cold
Leaving nothing living in its wake
A sheet of ice, miles high, no end in sight.

Weathering the Storms

2008-06-09T04:18:00.009Z

The more I look at life, the more I realize that everything happens in cycles. We get all excited about some new way of looking at the world, and then the novelty value dies down. We're back where we used to be, or we're off on the next big quest to change our lives forever.

Sometimes, it's worse than that. We go on a diet only to start binge eating a week later. We spend three days chomping away at some big project we've been getting behind on only to let the whole thing collapse as soon as we hit another major roadblock.

Other times, our hopes let us down. We get in a fight with our lover, and then in another fight. Eventually, the fights lead to a really big blow out, and for a little while after that, all is calm. Wow! We've really made it now, we've figured out the source of our pain and suffering, and we've finally made it past it. We'll never fight again! Two days later and some bickering about who's turn it is to take out the trash ends in slamming doors and flowing tears. Who were we trying to fool?

Sometimes we can even see where things are headed before we make our decisions. This reminds me of watching the ending of a movie first, realizing it sucks, and then sitting through the whole thing from the beginning anyway. I have no idea why we do this. What I do know is that after careful observation of the last week or so, I know that if I sit down at my computer in the morning to check my email before doing other things, I'll stay there until the late afternoon. Every morning it's the same thing, "Oh, I'll just check my email quick, take a shower, have some breakfast, and then do a little meditation." Every morning
for a week, that has turned into sitting around, poking casually at Ruport and Prawn and some other projects while mostly wasting my time reading blogs and responding too excitedly to low priority emails. I haven't done my sitting practice in a week, and it's all because 'checking my email' takes about 6 hours, when you add in all the distractions and side tracks.

It seems like the more out of control we get, the easier it is to make it a habit. I think this is why we get fat, this is why we do drugs, or failing that, end up depressed and disdainful of society. When these feelings really set in deep, we are quick to say that we want to change. We want to change, but we're waiting for things to calm down on the job. Or we're going to turn things around, we just need a little more time to get our motivation up. Whatever the reason is, we can come up with infinite justifications for why tomorrow is the day that our lives will turn around for the better.

I say fuck that. I'm starting today. From all of this self-observation, I've found that when I eat too much, drink too much, fall behind on my work, get mad at my girlfriend, and generally act miserable, I feel miserable. When I sit around being lazy, dreading the things I need to get done, I have a near constant feeling of self-doubt and unhappiness.

When I get off my ass and do something I'm supposed to do, I feel incredible. When I go out and get some exercise, I feel like I've given my body a gift, just showing a tiny bit of appreciation for this bag of skin and bones that needs to hold up for as long as I'm in this world. When I can sit down and have a conversation with someone and have my mind and heart fully present for them, I feel the immense joy of connecting with them. When I'm not carrying the sort of stress and self-loathing that comes with being pre-occupied about all the things I'm supposed to be doing and haven't done, I'm much less likely to have negative feelings to project onto others.

The world is better when we yield to our sense of duty. So long as our responsibilities are really things that are vital or at least complimentary to our well being, fulfilling them brings immense joy. Every day, we're immersed in a hurricane full of temptations and tribulations. Amazingly, what I'm starting to realize is that as humans, our purpose isn't to keep running away to dryer climates, or hiding under our pathetic little umbrellas. It's our job to weather the storm. If we can do this, there is tremendous satisfaction to be had.

The problems we face are simultaneously hard and simple. But the truth of it all, is that we need to figure out how to live. We've all got our problems we've been itching to fix. I say, anyone who reads this, take up the challenge to start in on them and make a change. If you're not doing it for yourself, do it for your friends, your family, your co-workers or your partner. Realize that you're not too weak to face all the things that seem to be controlling you, and then prove it.

We can't expect to escape from our problems overnight, that'd be underestimating the forces we're up against substantially. What we can do is whenever we're given a choice between improving our life and making more problems, we can choose the former. When we choose the latter, we can learn from it and pick up where we left off. Let's look at mistakes as nothing more than bumps in the road, rather than letting them derail us.

For the next month, I'm going to try to carry a single thought in my mind, and that is to change my life for the better. I'll post a month from now and let folks know how it goes. If you're interested in taking up this challenge too, let me know. It'd be a great joy to know that there are others out there doing this with me.

It isn't a huge commitment. It's thousands of tiny ones, all trivially easy to do on their own. It might start with not having an extra donut, or not flipping off that asshole who cuts you off in traffic. It might arise from cleaning your apartment or calling your brother who you haven't been on good terms with for a while. Start with anything simple and positive, and place one foot in front of the other from one positive action to the next. If you get side-tracked, just pick back up with a simple task and move forward from there, don't beat up on yourself. Maybe we can't change the world this way, but we can at least bring a little more happiness to our day to day life, and that's a start.

Joy to the Word

2008-05-28T17:02:00.005Z

Maybe I'll be a terrorist when I grow up,
that's something you'll never hear in America.
I'm having a beer with breakfast,
allegedly because I want to see if my brew is ready yet.
The taste does take me away from fighting through the night
wipe tears off the window sill, wipe fears off my heart.

Maybe I'll be a preacher when I grow up,
but then America might brand me a racist or a pedophile
I'm breaking a mirror at lunch,
supposedly because I believe bad luck can cancel out
Flowing blood does take me away from a heart beating in fright
Brush stains from the tiles, brush fire from my mind

Maybe I'll be a troubadour when I'm all grown,
but in America we call them the homeless and demented.
I'm killing a dove at dinner,
purportedly because peace lies on the opposite end of war
Broken wings do take me away from a mind lost in flight
Glide a knife across the tabletop, glide sorrow across my soul.

But maybe for a moment, I'll just stop and listen.
I'll open my eyes and see this moment for what it is.

Then I'll just be a poet, and through that I'll grow
Not an American, no need to call that place my home.
I'm writing some prose before bedtime,
simply because my words have crawled out from my fingertips
Violent verse doesn't necessarily imply a violent mind.
Speak truth in pretty lies, Speak in parts about the whole.

My New Time Clock

2008-05-22T20:17:00.009Z


require "rubygems"
require "rbosa"
require 'ruby-growl'

def make_it_rain
 itunes = OSA.app('iTunes')                     
 itunes.back_track
 track = itunes.current_playlist.search("Let It Rain")[0]
 track.start = 15
 track.finish = 42
 track.play(:once => true)

 g = Growl.new "localhost", "ruby-growl",
             ["ruby-growl Notification"]
 g.notify "ruby-growl Notification", "Make It Rain!",
      "$$$$$$$$$$ "* Integer(@money / 100)
end

print "Hourly Rainfall? " 
rate = Float(gets)    

time = 0
next_hundred = 1

start_time = Time.now

trap("INT") do
 puts "\nYou worked for " +
 "#{'%0.2f' % ((Time.now - start_time) / 60) } minutes"
 exit
end

loop do
 sleep 5
 time += 5
 puts "$ #{'%0.2f' % @money = (time / 60.0 / 60.0) * rate}"
 if @money.to_f / 100 >= next_hundred
   next_hundred += 1
   make_it_rain
 end      
end

Because everyone wants a small celebration complete with hip-hop and dollar signs filling the screen every 100 dollars they make!

El camino del Rey

2008-05-15T20:12:00.000Z

Anyone want to go with me?

Recursive Dreams are Scary

2008-05-12T15:46:00.003Z

Last night I had a rather creepy experience. Though I can't be sure, it might have been due to the combination of a late night meal, over tiredness, and doing a short but intense Vipassana session right before bed. Anyway, the scary thing was that I dreamed I couldn't wake up.

I've got really good dream recall, and have been practicing gaining lucidity in dreams for many years now. Realizing I'm dreaming is not a big surprise to me, and it happens maybe once a week or so on average. A common side effect of beginning to influence your dreams once you realize you are dreaming is that you tend to wake up.

This time the problem was every time I realized I was dreaming and started poking around at things, my wakeup was false. I was dreaming that I woke up. This has happened to me before, and usually just means I've lost my lucidity and that leads me back to the normal chaotic realm of dreams. This time I remained fully aware of what was going on.

As this continued to happen, I began to get more panicked, and with it, my dreams become more frightening. The thing more-or-less started when I walked into the hallway of our apartment and found a room that didn't really exist in our building, and my mom suddenly appeared.

From that, I went to waking up in the bed with my girlfriend kneeling over me crying saying "Please don't kill yourself". Then when I started to float, I knew that was a dream, and woke up again, this time wishing to wake her up and make sure what I dreamed wasn't real. When I tried to get her to roll over, she spun in place but her back was always to me. So I woke up again.

This time there is a sickly looking dog laying at the foot of the bed and she's crying again, "You know I love animals!". At this point my mind starts getting so tightened up, I start frantically repeating "I have to wake up".

Thoughts go back to "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" and at the time I'm cursing the movie for feeding my imagination, because as powerful of a scene that is to see, it sucks to live through it.

I start thinking more existentially: "Why can't I wake up?". My mind recalls all of the lucidity triggers it can, in an attempt to gain control of the nose-diving jet my brain has been piloting through all of this. Each time I wake up, I try to float. Again and again, it works. Fuck!

I look at the clock and the numbers are all fuzzy. Doesn't matter, I keep falling asleep and waking up and each time things get blurrier and slower and foggier. I feel like the scene around me is melting and that my muscles and arms are mush. I look out the side window ready to resign....

Wait, the side window? Our bed faces the window. Eureka!

Moments later I'm kissing my sleepy girlfriend and rambling on about my scary dreams and I'm sure that even if she was humoring me for the moment, she'd rather get back to bed. After a few minutes I calm down, knowing for sure that I was no longer dreaming.

What a wild ride that was, but I'm glad it's behind me. Oh crap... I'm starting to float again.

Good ol' Kerouac

2008-05-09T18:55:00.000Z

On Courage, Take Two

2008-04-21T03:40:00.002Z

Nothing takes more courage than truly loving someone.

I am blessed with that opportunity now.

Judgement of Solomon

2008-04-16T17:48:00.008Z

From Kings 3:16-28

16 Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him. 17 One of them said, "My lord, this woman and I live in the same house. I had a baby while she was there with me. 18 The third day after my child was born, this woman also had a baby. We were alone; there was no one in the house but the two of us.
19 "During the night this woman's son died because she lay on him. 20 So she got up in the middle of the night and took my son from my side while I your servant was asleep. She put him by her breast and put her dead son by my breast. 21 The next morning, I got up to nurse my son—and he was dead! But when I looked at him closely in the morning light, I saw that it wasn't the son I had borne."
22 The other woman said, "No! The living one is my son; the dead one is yours."
But the first one insisted, "No! The dead one is yours; the living one is mine." And so they argued before the king.
23 The king said, "This one says, 'My son is alive and your son is dead,' while that one says, 'No! Your son is dead and mine is alive.' "
24 Then the king said, "Bring me a sword." So they brought a sword for the king. 25 He then gave an order: "Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other."
26 The woman whose son was alive was filled with compassion for her son and said to the king, "Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don't kill him!"
But the other said, "Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!"
27 Then the king gave his ruling: "Give the living baby to the first woman. Do not kill him; she is his mother."
28 When all Israel heard the verdict the king had given, they held the king in awe, because they saw that he had wisdom from God to administer justice.

This is a well known story, anyone who's grown up anywhere near a bible will recognize it, and so will many of those who have not. To me, it's a particularly beautiful one, too. It shows the triumph of selfless compassion over jealous attachment, and praises Solomon for his clear and just decision. But like most things biblical, this is just a story, an ideal for us to make room for in our hearts. Reality is often much more harsh.

Not all Kings are as wise as Solomon. A disinterested King may have said '"Fine, if you are willing to give up the baby, problem solved." No blood would be shed, but the damage would still be done. It seems to me that in our society, not many value the kind of selflessness and willingness to sacrifice that this story portrays. Has the world really changed so much since the time of Solomon?

Or maybe the problem is actually a different one. Maybe there just aren't very many kings at all any more. How would this story change if these two women were left to resolve this issue on their own? One thing is for sure, the claim of the first woman would be put to the test. How likely is it that the second woman, after hearing this selfless proclamation, would give up her jealousy and attachment in the name of what was truly right for the child? How likely is it that the first woman, if faced with actually having to give up her child, would actually do it even if she knew that she was the right one to take care of the child? Could her selfless words transform into selfless action? This story gives us no insight into that.

What of the child? Would he know the difference one way or another? If all the baby craved was milk and a warm arm to cuddle in, the two 'mothers' would appear about the same to him. Without preference, without a basis for comparison, the baby would be lost to fate, having no ability to know who he truly belonged with.

When I say that I think the story of Solomon's Judgement is beautiful, I mean it. But most of what makes it beautiful to me is how complicated the situation gets when you take out the wise ruler and the triumph of compassion over selfishness, and you begin to look at what it means to really let go in the name of love. It is a risky road to walk, and doesn't always have a happy ending.

The question is whether it is a path worth taking in the first place, and though I believe in my heart it is, that's a tough hand of cards to play when dealt.

My Own Walden

2008-04-15T14:40:00.008Z

For the last couple days, I've been daydreaming a lot about my cabin in northern Vermont. It is really way up there, in a tiny town called Lunenburg which is almost in Canada:

This place has no running water, no phone service, and no centralized heating. It has been in my family for generations, as a 'camp' or refuge. My dad is a factory worker and though I know little about his side of the family, I think they too went that route. Our Vermont cabin was a place they could go to forget about the daily grind and be immersed in the beautiful peace and quiet of nature.

The cabin is on a dirt road that is a couple miles long with only two neighbors. Except for our cabin and the two other houses up there, there is nothing but forest surrounding the lands. I always found it amazing that we had a brook running right alongside our property. As a little kid I spent hours upon hours splashing around in the mud, eating raspberries, and keeping an eye out for moose and bear. I didn't usually see them, but sometimes I did.

High up in the mountains, thunder sounds different. Instead of a clap of noise coming down from the sky, the thunder at the cabin sounded like it was rising up out of the ground, like a struck bass drum. The wind was like this too, you could feel the ground breathing.

The morning smelled like morning, and I have no idea how to put that in words. Something about the evaporating dew on leaves and pine needles leaves an unmistakable scent. At night, the air was cool and crisp, even in the warmer months.

My mom always used to say that the mountains were beautiful because they looked different every time she looked at them. This is of course, true. Go there in the fall and you'd be convinced God was a painter, in the winter, that he was a skier. Though you rarely needed to wait for the seasons to change, the mountains wore their emotions on their sleeves, and you could see their darkness in rain, and brightness in the sunshine.

When I think of looking at the stars on a clear night from this tiny cabin, I realize this is where I met God, not in my force-fed religious schooling. When I think about this, it makes me want to show my own kids this some day. I want them to see that beauty and wonder are all around them, not just crammed up in some books to be passed down by holy men.

This tiny little cabin, with barely enough room to fit a family, became a warm place at night. My family didn't usually spend a lot of time together, but when we were there, it was different. My mom and dad would play Setback, my brother and I would play the good old NES on a TV that barely worked because it was used so infrequently. We'd all eat our meals together, and we'd laugh together.

Ever since I was little, I always dreamed about going up there with someone I loved, to spend a quiet weekend and explore together. New Hampshire's White Mountains aren't far, and places like Franconia Notch or Mt. Washington are too amazing to describe. Actually, this almost happened once, with Emily. She got really sick half of the way through the trip though, and we ended up at the hospital and my childhood dreams were somewhat dashed by the cold reality of life. Nevertheless, this is still one of my 'dream vacations' because it seems so romantic.

When things started to go bad between my parents, we stopped going to the cabin so much. It got into disrepair, and really started to fall apart. I think it took a while for my Dad to get his heart back into it after they split, but these days, he's up there working on it most weekends in the summer. Though I'm sure he enjoys the work on its own, I know why he's doing it overall. He wants to pass this down to me and my brother, the way his parents did to him and his brothers. He's the only one who uses it, and I think the same thing will happen with me.

Still, you can bet that even if I end up doing something crazy like trying to raise a family in Boston or NYC, I'll be spending some weekends up there. If for nothing else, to show a new generation a glimpse of more simple times, where high speed internet wasn't as essential as food, water, and basic shelter. How many kids in America these days have ever even used an outdoor toilet? My guess is not so many, but mine will.

We don't need to throw away our creature comforts or renounce the convenience of modern society, but we need to be careful not to forget about what is pure, simple, and natural. My cabin gives me a great opportunity to remember that.

On Courage

2008-04-14T18:00:00.005Z

For some reason when I think of courage, I think of some ridiculously masculine quality, like a hero blasting through enemy lines to save a damsel in distress, and maybe some babies, too. You know, something like Rambo.

This of course, is extraordinarily silly. Though war-time heroes romanticize the notion of courage and make for good cinematic value, real courage comes in many forms, most of them far more subtle.

Even if it's not blood, guts, and burning bodies, sometimes the courage involved in self-control is as admirable as any heroic conquest. It takes a tremendous amount to know that before you can run, you need to walk. And sometimes, on a hurt ankle, you may need to stand still for a while before you can go anywhere at all.

It takes great strength to utter the words "I'm not sure". We spend all our lives trying to be so sure of ourselves, that we forget that we don't always need to have all the answers. The act of creating the needed time and space between yourself and the sources of your confusion is a challenging, honorable task. We always forget this. We think the world demands us to figure out our problems 'right now', which is probably half the source of our problems.

Perhaps the most courageous thing of all is realizing that as life changes, our needs change. That our seemingly natural attachment to that which brought us a sense of completeness and satisfaction isn't always natural after all, and the courage comes in braving the storm of breaking old bonds to form the new ones that are needed to allow your heart to grow.

Of course, there is a balancing truth that sometimes we are taken from that which is really most important to us by the passions of the present moment, looking at the world through rose coloured glasses. This too, takes tremendous courage to deal with. Gently stepping away from temptation back to which makes you feel wholesome and skillful is no easy task.

To me, a very difficult practice has been to acquire a "don't know" mind. A mind that finds itself attracted to the wholesome and gently detached from the unwholesome without any prejudice about how 'Things are supposed to be'. It takes a lot of guts to be able to live this way and simultaneously offer a sense of stability and fidelity to those you love. However, wouldn't it be great to master this skill?

Sometimes courage involves knowing what not to say, and when not to say it. So I'll stop writing now. :)

Alice, Who The Fuck Is Alice?

2008-04-14T17:46:00.004Z

Louis Hunter, AKA Hunter Blue, AKA Chicken Delicious.

A rare and wonderful find at Mimi's piano bar in NYC, one of my favorite places on earth.

Hunter is the one that told me I was 'like a fucking comet'

Priceless

2008-04-13T18:11:00.003Z

Love for Akron/Family

2008-04-13T16:54:00.005Z

I like all sorts of music, but for some reason, when I'm feeling sad, Akron/Family reaches directly into my heart and brings me warmth.

sorrowed boy
with so much mind
you look so tired
with glassy eyes
your quiet pain
i feel the hum
beneath the surface
a steady drum
you're like a child
when you've been wronged
your heart is aching
but you're still strong
come back alive
when stars collide
you can feel the universe
behind your eyes
and you find your body
in between the waves
a sonic haven
for the lonely days
your mood so mellow
how your colors bloom
you steal the evening
from an empty room
and i might not of seen you
if i looked too hard
but i just gave up
and here you are
you'll sweet the sound
and break the melody
that was already broken
now it's fixed for me

not everyone's the way you are
you are a blood star

- Sorrow Boy - Akron/Family

Learning Mandarin

2008-04-13T04:43:00.003Z