Simply Stu

PITA

2007-02-12T09:55:00.000Z

Sorry to be a PITA... I'm back over here having now got my hosting back up.

Fun At 10 Millimetres

2007-02-11T17:58:00.000Z

Click any pic for the full-size version.

Snot

2007-02-06T16:54:00.000Z

One of the things I didn't consider with facial hair is how much more involved the clean-up would become when one has a cold and blows one's nose. And you can only rub one way because otherwise you're going against the growth of the hair and you end up with snot AND little bobbles of tissue paper stuck to your face.

You probably didn't need to know that, but I just had to get it off my chest.

A Conversation

2007-02-03T00:24:00.000Z

The conversation went something like this:

"Look at that sign... Paddy Shandy. I wonder what that is?"
"I bet it's a Guinness shandy or something"
"Do you think?"
"Probably... I'll go and ask."

"Oh... seems it's a ridiculous drink they invented one day when they were trying to work out what they could get students to buy lots of."
"Oh?"
"Yes. It's shandy made with a bottle of Stella and a bottle of WKD Blue."
"Urgh."
"Yeah, sounds awful."
"So, shall we have them, then?"
"Go on then"

40 Questions

2007-02-01T15:05:00.000Z

1. Where were you 1 hour ago?
Oh how I wish I could tell you this. Maybe later. It was very exciting (in a good and bad way).

2. Who will be your next kiss? Peck or tongues?
Hmm... let me think... I don't mind as long as it's tongues. :)

3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
My phone.

4. When is the last time you went to the mall?
I can't remember. A year or two, probably.

5. Are you wearing socks right now?
Yes.

6. When was the last time you went out of the state?
County, last Friday... Country, August for the C64 party in Schweden.

7. Have you been to the movies in the last 7 days?
No. The last film I saw at the piccies was Over The Hedge.

8. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Glass of water (with Co-codamol in it)

9. What are you wearing right now?
"I poke badgers with spoons" T-shirt, black combats, black socks, underpants (I'm not checking what colour right now), hiking boots.

10 Last food you ate?
Rice with ham chopped into it.

11. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Yes.

12.Do you have a pet?
No. I have a nice succulent on my desk - that's about as far as I can manage looking after a living thing. I might get a cat.

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched?
Er... Euro 2000 I think.

14. What was your favorite class in high school?
Physics.

15 What is the last thing you purchased online?
*censored* The one before that was 2x 2GB SD cards for a tenner each. Woo!

16 How old are your parents?
About 62ish.

17. Are you in love?
No. There are some people I do love though, but not in that way.

18. Do you miss anyone?
Yes. There was a guy at 6th form I really liked a lot, but he disappeared to France in dubious circumstances shortly after starting university.

19. Last play you saw?
Probably... oh, it was some bizarre comedy with an Irish chap playing a lady with a grandfather who wasn't dead, but they had to pretend he was.

20. Ever go camping?
Yes. I like camping, but not for more than a couple of nights - that's when my 'camping hangover' starts to develop.

21. Were you a top set student in school?
I declined my place in the top stream so I could take it easier and ensure good grades. I was in the top of the lower stream, though.

22 Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
I didn't get time for a shower this morning so I doused myself liberally in Gilette Body Spray in the hopes that people would pass out from that before passing out from my reek. If anyone's reading this who's going to the pub tonight, don't worry... I'll shower before then.

23 Do you have a tan?
I don't seem to be able to help it. Only a slight one, though.

24 How old do you want to be when you have kids?
Don't know. I probably do want some, but haven't really thought that far.

25. Do you collect anything?
I collect nice people. So far I'm doing quite well.

26. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
My brake light was out. He asked if I'd been drinking but I hadn't, and he believed me.

27 Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
Yes. FIZZY!

28. Last time you took a shower?
This is embarrasing... the only time I think I can get away without a bath or shower for 2 days and I get asked this question. It's not that I don't want to... just I _really_ have no time for it.

29 Are you someone’s best friend?
I don't think so. I have a few _very_ good friends, I'm not sure if I could cope with the pressure of being a best friend.

31. What’s the last TV show you watched?
Police Academy VI: City Under Seige. Ok, it's a film, but it was on the telly. The last show was probably Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares sometime around the start of the latest series.

32. Do you own a Britney Spears C.D?
No. I do have a great collection of guilty pleasure CDs though... Betty Boo, Whigfield etc.

33. Are you a Lost fanatic?
No. I've seen a couple, but can't get into it.

34. Have you ever eaten an entire pint, or more, ice cream by yourself?
I believe so. I can polish off a tub of ice-cream quite easily. I just don't buy it any more to avoid that problem.

35. Do you sing obnoxiously in the car when you’re driving alone?
I sing very sweetly. And loudly. Sometimes even when not alone.

36. Have you ever liked a girl/boy but didn’t ask her/him out because you were afraid?
No, I don't think so. I've timidly asked them out and been rejected. Not a problem though, I'm comfortable with rejection.

37. Have you ever written a poem/story about your love life?
No.

38. Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on a daily basis?
Do what? No, I don't think so.

39. What’s the current ringtone on your cellphone?
Di-di-dit di-di-dah-dit dah-di-dah-dit. Though the volume is so low, I normally hear the vibrating before the ringtone.

40. When you open your closet, what is the dominant color of your wardrobe?
Black.

Imbolc

2007-02-01T10:07:00.000Z

Merry Imbolc to any tree-hugging yoghurt-knitters out there, and happy St. Brigid's* day to any of you who do saints.

I don't really do any of that shenanigans, but I do do astronomical events. Today is a cross-quarter day - half-way between solstices and equinoxes, and is commonly recognised as the time when the rate of change of sunset starts getting great enough that you really begin to notice it.

So... merry looking-forward-to-light-evenings, too!

Oh... and a pinch and a punch.

(*Patron of Babies, blacksmiths, illegitimate children, dairy workers, chicken farms, Ireland, midwives, travellers, sailors, scholars and nuns)

Hint

2007-01-31T10:03:00.000Z

This morning, there was a van parked across my garage:

I tried asking around, I tried bumping it, I tried to use Archimedes' levering princple, but nothing would shift it. So I left a tiny, gentle hint on the windscreen and went off to the bus stop:

Update

2007-01-29T18:51:00.000Z

Pretend I wrote this on Sunday night.

In the last 48 hours, I have:

Driven down to Surrey singing my little heart out to such well known hits as "Corpus Christi Carol" sung by Jeff Buckley and "Sometime Samurai" by Towa Tei ft. Kylie Minogue.
Met some lovely boaty people and listened of high adventure on the Wey Navigation from Cap'n Henry and Chums.
Slept in a boat on the aforementioned Wey Navigation.
Had THE BEST cooked breakfast in the world made by the always lovely Trouty.
Met lots of SimonG blogring/chatroom people, all of whom are also very lovely.
Driven up from Surrey singing my little heart out once again.
Been to a very nice civilised wine bar/bistro type place where they even bring your drinks to the table.
Eaten a 20oz steak in the best company in the world (SimonG meet notwithstanding).
Been privy to a trick played on a kitchen by a Maitre D'.
Eaten the best creme brulee in the world. It even had a raspberry in it.
Been to the gym and done weights and cardio.
Received some news.
Met a lovely dog called Millie.
Painted a window.
Come last-but-one in the music quiz.

There's probably some more, but my memory is getting hazy.

Geek

2007-01-26T17:12:00.000Z

I've been accused of being a geek ONCE AGAIN. This time, all I did was point out that my next birthday is the big 100000 in binary.

Wow... you really start to feel old when you require six bits to represent your age. Next time I add a bit, I'll be just one year off my bus pass. Although I expect by then it'll be a flying personal transportation device pass. If it isn't, I'll want to know why - we were promised flying cars already and they never showed up (unless you count those white Novas which are obviously flying due to the blue glow under them).

Sensationalism

2007-01-26T12:39:00.000Z

Good old unbiased media, not trying to cause extra friction... check this headline...

Cross-border theatre charge row

A theatre in England has threatened to charge customers from north of the border higher admission prices.

Then, when you read the article, you find out that the theatre is considering charging more for anyone who isn't a resident of Berwick. Sure, some of those happen to come from Scotland, but there's no discrimination from those who live south of the border and not in Berwick.

So, the discussion is actually about whether the Scottish Borders Council will help fund a theatre which isn't in Scotland. Which it seems reasonable not to.

Impulse

2007-01-25T16:55:00.000Z

Today, I acted on impulse. That doesn't mean I suddenly bought a bunch of flowers and ran after a lady with big 80s hair, finally catching up and handing them over to her while she was riding a galloping-horses carousel... more that I bought a full price album (a rarity in itself), based on a 45-second intro I quite liked when it formed one of the questions in the Sunday Pub Quiz.

The album is 'through the windowpane' by 'guillemots' (their lower-case). Fortunately, the intro was representative of their style, and the album is most enjoyable. For me, at least... it's described as Avant-Garde Pop by wikipedia, so I guess it might not be everyone's taste.

The intro I heard, by the way, was for 'made up lovesong #43'.

I'm desperately trying to find comparisons for their style, and it's pretty difficult... something like the psychedelia-influenced bits of 90s BritPop, with a bit of Manic Street Preachers (major sevenths and other rich chords in abundance) and the fullness of some McAlmont and Butler. The lead voice has a Robert Smith passion to it. Oh... and I found a new Martha Wainwright-esque female vocalist; Joan Wasser provides harmonies on one track, redwings.

I also picked up a few bargain-bin classics:

Teaser and the Firecat, Cat Stevens

Now That's What I Call Quite Good, The Housemartins

Kind of Blue, Miles Davis

Ouch

2007-01-25T11:31:00.000Z

Last night I had the rare pleasure of watching telly. On the tellybox was Touching the Void which I'd recorded some time ago. My review follows:

OH MY GOD! I'd heard about the story, but until you see it I think it's hard to appreciate what Joe Simpson really went through.

If you haven't seen it yet, I'd recommend it. I had thought it would be pure drama, but it's more like a 90-minute documentary with illustrative drama and features extensive interviews with the three members of the expedition.

Don't mistake it for Tipping the Velvet.

Alphabet Meme

2007-01-24T11:12:00.000Z

A - AVAILABLE: Er... I guess. Although marriage is not legally possible right now. All rich, fit, young widows in lycra may apply through the comments page.
B - BIRTHDAY: Less than a month away! Woohoo!
C - CRUSHING: Peter Crushing? What does this mean?
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: 7/8 of a cup of coffee. *slurp* Correction... a cup of coffee.
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: I prefer to listen. I'll talk to most people to be honest, it's easier with some common ground.
F - FAVOURITE BANDS: Well... where do we start... I'll just say Betty Boo and be done with it.
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Bears, probably.
H - HOME TOWN: Loughborough, UK.
I - INSTRUMENT(s): I went up to grade 5 organ, and have dabbled with guitars, penny whistles and anything wacky I can find for cheap. Got my little finger stuck in a bamboo flute for a good portion of an afternoon once.
J - JUGGLE: Yes. Working* on 7 balls. (*very intermittently)
K - KILLED SOMEONE: Absolutely not.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Gosh... probably a trip to Scotland. Loughborough to Loch Carron in the back of a Triumph Stag, listening to The Eagles when they were new.
M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOUR: Lime. Lime is the only milkshake flavour.
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1
O - ONE WISH: Only one? Ok... I wish that... oh, I dunno. I wish it could be Christmas every da-aaaay. No, I don't. I wish I had a lifestyle where I could have a pet dog. No I don't. I don't think I wish anything. I don't do wishing... I do doing.
P - PLACES YOU'VE HAD A CAMERA INSERTED: I am not aware of anywhere I've had a camera inserted. Actually, I might have tried taking a close-up picture of my uvula once, so I might have inserted one in my mouth, but we're not talking endoscope here.
Q - QUIET?: Yes I am. And yes, please.
R - REASON TO SMILE: Life. People. The Future. Now. Snow. Trees. Grass. Friends. Eyeballs. Lena Zavaroni. Anchovies. Red. Fruit. Machine Code. Triangles. Telephones. Lobsters. Clinical Psychology. Strepsils. Terracotta. Kittens.
S- SONG YOU LAST HEARD: Don't Say No by Can.
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 7:00. And actually got out of bed (but see previous blog).
U- UNDERWEAR YOU'RE WEARING? Black briefs and black socks. I really like to live life on the edge.
V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: Erm... hate? How about... erm... well... runner beans when they're woody. Not keen on those.
W - WORST HABIT: Mine? Probably chewing my fingers. Others? Smoking.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: A few. Each time I've moved dentist, basically.
Y - YOUR NUMBER OF FRIENDS ON MYSPACE: *goes off to myspace, tries a few passwords until I can get in* Nine including Tom.
Z- ZODIAC SIGN: A queer-arse.

Early

2007-01-24T08:43:00.000Z

I don't do mornings. This will be relevant.

But first, I should probably mention that last night was possibly my last ever drive of a mini as a mini owner. Gasp! Yes, I know! The time has come. Actually, the time came a few years ago but I think I was in denial. I believe I was test-driving a SMART around this time last year, and I'd already thought about leaving the mini world and joining the real world long before that.

So anyway, I'm picking up my new car at lunch time, which means I had to get rid of the mini last night, which means I had to get the bus to work this morning.

My only options for buses were the 9:00, getting to work at 9:10; or the 8:23 getting to work at 8:33. Bear in mind that recently I've been getting to work between 9:30 and 10:00 due to a) staying in bed and b) having lots to do after getting up. Oh, and on Monday it was 10:15 because I spent an hour coaxing my mini into taking me to work. I bet you're putting the pieces together now.

Erm...

Yeah, so I was aiming for the 8:23 bus despite protestations from friends and colleagues that there was no way I'd make it. Well I did. I was at the bus stop at 8:15. *cough*eatingmybreakfast*cough*.

And the bus came, and I got on the bus and I proudly stated "Good morning! I made it onto the 8:23 bus! Could I have a single to Stanford Church, please?" To which the driver replied "Well done! We were all convinced you'd never make it! Certainly, have this ticket!"

I then sat in my seat to relax into the 5-minute journey. Ooh... doesn't the canal look pretty this morning. Hey look... that house has a 'sold' sign, I wonder if my friend got it in the end... I'll text him later. Gosh these fields look nice in the snow, although the horses seem to be shivering rather a lot. Ooh.. the river's quite high. Wow... Stanford churchyard also looks nice in the snow. Hmm.. something is amiss. Let's mentally rerun that... Stanford churchyardSHIT!

*leap up*

*ring bell*

*rush to front of bus*

Luckily my destination is just up from the church and the driver happily dropped me off at the driveway, to my profuse apologies. Otherwise I would have ended up at the next bus stop some 4 miles away.

So even when I do do mornings, I still don't do them.

Spam

2007-01-23T13:39:00.000Z

I received a spam suggesting I could:

***CATCH WOMEN LIKE FISH!!!111 3405085***

If I'm going to catch a woman, I want her to be like a woman not a fish.

On another note... don't you hate it when you're chewing your pen and then you feel that something's amiss, and you realise that the pen hasn't been chewed in your chewing pattern and is obviously someone else's pen and they obviously chew their pen too and you've been chewing their chewings? Maybe I should stop chewing my* pen.

(*and other people's)

Summit

2007-01-22T22:10:00.000Z

In November, I embarked on a journey to climb 1476 metres at the gym. This just happens to be the difference in elevation between the 5th and 10th stations of the Kawaguchiko trail up Mount Fuji. The 5th station is the last place you can get a vehicle to. The 10th is nominally the top, although the true summit requires a further one-hour hike around the volcano's crater.

Today, however, I completed the last of eight sessions climbing on the treadmill. 1478 metres climbed in total. Other stats are as follows:

Distance: 15.61km - This is significantly longer than the 6.3km of the real trail, but the treadmills don't go up to 23% inclines.

Time: 3h 33m 06s - Unlikely in real life because my rest breaks were on average a week long each, on the real thing, they'll be 30 minutes or so, maybe with a few hours sleep thrown in at one station.

Calories: 2385 - That's almost an extra day's worth of energy required. Crikey!

I used the heart-rate monitor the whole time and did most of it in the 'cardio' zone which should be sustainable, but gets a little warm and sweaty. When added to the volcanic pumice ground, blisters, altitude, heat and cold I think the expedition I'm planning will be a lot more demanding than my gym challenge, but I think it's certainly good to have some idea how far it is and how long it takes. And of course it was nice having pretty ladies in lycra to look at while I was doing it.

Exhibitionism

2007-01-22T10:57:00.000Z

If anyone knows where the curtain-pole brackets are, can you let me know, please?

So... Bro came down to help decorate the bedroom this weekend. Lots of heavy lifting to get furniture out; dismantling bed; removing curtains; pulling rawl plugs and nails; filling; 80% of the textured paint making it onto the ceiling, the remaining 20% in equal measures onto hair, eyes and clothes; painting walls 'frosted mink' (it's NOT magnolia, OK?); piling furniture back in except for bed (it's Sarah's turn); and in that space of time, losing the brackets to put the curtain pole back up.

We only used two rooms... everything came out of the bedroom into the bathroom. Then out of the bathroom back into the bedroom. How can two large metal brackets disappear in that time?

So night-time in the room currently consists of coming into the room, turning the light on, starting to get ready for bed, then suddenly remembering the entire neighbourhood can see me and diving for the corner of the room not visible to the row of 10 houses behind ours. They haven't seen my willy yet, but have probably seen my boobs. Oops.

Environment

2007-01-18T15:09:00.000Z

I'm fed up of humans meddling in the smooth running of the earth, ruining the environment. You know what? These severe winds we're having at the moment? It would have all been ok if people hadn't gone round sticking massive propellors all over the countryside. Just think of the amount of wind they're generating. It's disgusting and should be stopped.

Resolution

2007-01-18T11:24:00.000Z

There's a story I heard about some great composer who wouldn't get out of bed one morning. His friend came round to see him and still, he wouldn't rise. So his friend went to the piano and played a short chord sequence finishing on the penultimate chord. A real cliff-hanger of a moment. The story goes that the composer immediately got up, rushed downstairs and completed the sequence.

I recently tried a similar experiment in lack of resolution purely by accident. I was at work, and the experiment went thus:

Make a cup of tea.

Return to desk.

Take one sip.

Go out on lunch-break to run errands.

The whole time, my uncoscious mind was still trying to drink the cup of tea. Even while sitting in the car I would reach out for my cup which obviously (to my conscious mind) wasn't there. It was especially prevelant while waiting at traffic lights.

It may just be that I'm a tea addict, but give it a go and see what happens...

Software Design

2007-01-15T12:02:00.000Z

It's the attention to detail which separates good software design from bad. Today, I have changed a device control system so that the minimum number of devices it can control is 1, rather than none.

While I was there, I also reduced the maximum number to 20.

From 99,999,999.

It's just the little things.

Foxton

2007-01-14T23:46:00.000Z

Took a 5-mile walk round Foxton with friends today. The staircase of ten locks is pretty interesting, and the surrounding countryside is gorgeous.

Found a rather photogenic field, definitely worth further visits...

And I guess with the 5-mile walk, I really shouldn't feel guilty about missing the gym this weekend.

On a totally unrelated note, I've started listening to jazz as part of my opinion amnesty and without fail, I've found tracks by Blossom Dearie to be excellent. Start with "It Amazes Me" and go via "Moonlight Saving Time", "Doop-Doo-De-Doop (A Doodlin' Song)" and "My Attorney, Bernie" for lighter, more upbeat stuff.

Kid Logic

2007-01-13T18:08:00.000Z

Overheard today while pottering through the shops...

Dad: It's always "I want, I want, I want" with you... you know what that gets you, don't you?
Small Kid: Yes. *counts on fingers* Three things.

Opinion Amnesty #3

2007-01-11T14:44:00.000Z

Opinion: Kidderminster is shit and everyone there is a demented moron.

Experiment: Visit Kidderminster and experience a couple of pubs, meeting a couple of locals (one of whom I know online) for the first time. Buy petrol and redex.

Results: Surrounding countryside noted to be pleasant. Town ok. Pubs successfully visited – one on my own for a coffee while waiting for the right meeting time, then another to meet the locals. Both pubs friendly and more than acceptable. Petrol and redex bought from friendly petrol station assistant. Drivers noted to be courteous and competent.

Conclusion: Opinion swayed. Kidderminster is not shit and no demented morons were detected.

Opinion Amnesty #2

2007-01-11T14:42:00.000Z

Opinion: Beer-and-Raisin Wine will taste disgusting

Experiment: I was at the pub and they’re running out of their lovely fruit (and misc) wines because they’ve been discontinued. I therefore asked for a glass of whichever one they had some left. The lovely barmaid brought me a glass of Beer-and-Raisin. I even guessed which one it was by sight and smell which impressed her :)

Results: It was sweeter than I expected and the beer flavour wasn’t too potent. It was definitely a wine flavour really.

Conclusion: Opinion swayed. Beer-and-Raisin Wine is gorgeous!

Opinion Amnesty #1

2007-01-11T12:25:00.000Z

Opinion: BMW Minis Are Rubbish, Overcomplicated and Expensive

Experiment: Have a ride in a BMW mini to the pub on New Year’s Day

Results: I still think they’re expensive, but I was pretty impressed. The ride still feels a lot like the original mini, you can feel the bumps in the road properly. The interior is pretty sparse to say this is a modern car full of airbags (sparse is good, by the way), and they still seem to have kept a good amount of storage space.

Conclusion: Opinion swayed. Nice cars, but I don’t think I can afford one!